bullying and selective outrage politics

Bullying and Selective Outrage

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Bullying and selective outrage go hand in hand. Here’s why bullies are selective with their outrage and everything else you need to know.

bullying and selective outrage

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A bully’s outrage is always selective. Where there’s bullying, there’s usually a phenomenon called “selective outrage.” So, what is selective outrage?

It’s when people become outraged over something the targeted person says or does. However, they ignore or approve of it when anyone else says or does the same or worse.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and selective outrage.

Once you learn this crucial information, you will be able to recognize selective outrage when it happens. And you will call it out confidently.

This post is all about bullying and selective outrage so that you can call your bullies out when they try to point at you for behavior they allow in others.

Bullying and Selective Outrage

Here’s a perfect example of selective outrage:

For years, bullies repeatedly and viciously attack you both physically and psychologically. And no one says a word. There comes a day when you finally get fed up with being walked on.

As a result, you beat the living crap out of your bullies in self-defense. Now, suddenly, everyone is outraged. However, they’re not angry at the bullies.

They’re pissed off at you for having the gall to defend yourself.

“Oh, the nerve!”

“How dare you!”

It’s not about the deed. It’s who’s doing it.

You see it all the time. It’s not about the deed itself; it’s about who’s doing the deed. Bullies will berate you for things others get away with.

Therefore, they don’t care about the wrongdoing. They’re just selective of who they should be pissed at for doing it.

You see? Bullies want to feel like they’re better than you. So they hop on their moral high horse. They shame you for something they would approve of if it came from anyone else.

Bullying and Selective Outrage:

Here’s another example:

Let’s say that you tell a legitimately funny joke. And it offends and outrages the bullies. Sometime later, someone else tells the same joke.

The same bullies who were pissed at you earlier burst into laughter and slap the joker on the back. And they tell the second person what a “good joke” it was.

However, if they really thought it was a bad joke, they would be against it 100%, across the board. If it’s wrong for one person to tell, then it’s wrong for everyone.

Otherwise, they’re only holding you to a double standard. To sum it up, it’s blatant hypocrisy.

Selective outrage is just plain hypocrisy.

Understand that people who can’t have a good time want you to be miserable like they are. Again, it’s not about the joke itself. It’s about who’s telling the joke.

Therefore, bullies and their sheepy followers and conformers let who the person is determine whether they should take offense.

Stop and think about it for a moment. Selective outrage is something you often see at ball games. When the home team cheats or bends the rules, people ignore or even justify it.

However, when the opposing team does it, people suddenly become angry and want to punish the opponents.

The sooner you see this hypocrisy for what it is, the better off you’ll be. You’ll be able to expose it and weaponize it.

And you will be better able to stand up to this madness and come out of it with minimal damage to your psyche.

Bullying and Selective Outrage:

“Offended” Bullies

Isn’t it strange that, nowadays, we have so many people who are so easy to offend? What’s really funny is that most of these soft little cream puffs are bullies.

In fact, bullies have such fragile egos that it takes zero effort to offend them- especially if you’re their victim. Your mere presence alone is enough to insult them.

Understand that people who are easily offended take things out of context. They attach meaning to the behavior of others.

And they do it even when it has no personal meaning. Bullies have a flair for turning neutrality into a personal attack.

They conjure up meanings out of exchanges from others that are totally impersonal. With these pansies, it’s always:

“She doesn’t agree with everything I say, do, and think, so that means she doesn’t like me!”

“He has a different opinion than me, so that means he’s looking down his nose at me!”

“She doesn’t like the same things I like, so that means she hates me!”

Therefore, these sad (and hateful) wusses presume to know what others are thinking.

Bullying and Selective Outrage:

You don’t have to tiptoe around these assholes.

In life, you will run into these types of people. That’s why it’s best to divert the conversation to a neutral topic. Or, you can walk away because they aren’t worth the energy expenditure.

Want to know the reason why bullies are easily offended? It’s because they place too much value on what others think of them.

This is no way to live. When you place too much importance on approval, you give others power over you.  In short, you make yourself their servant- for free!

Bullies try to maintain an image. They have a nasty habit of being too occupied with how others think of them.  Moreover, they over-analyze the images others may (or may not) have of them.

This is a waste of time.

Approval was Survival back in the prehistoric times.

Back in the days of the cavemen, people had to find acceptance by their in-group. Why? Because it was a matter of life and death.

Back then, when your in-group rejected you, you risked starvation and extinction. And that went especially for women.

Thankfully, it isn’t like that today. Nevertheless, if you insult a bully or make them look foolish, they see it as the end of the world.

They fear the loss of their gleaming reputations. And the thought of becoming an outcast equals catastrophe to them!

Bullying and Selective Outrage:

Here’s how those who are easily offended think.

Bully supervisors become enraged at an employee for making a minor mistake. Why? Because they take it too personally.

They see it as a reflection on them. Therefore, they wish to punish their victim- forever! One tiny mistake makes you the enemy even if it was unintentional.

Bullies and the easily offended think the rules don’t apply to them. Therefore, when superiors make them follow the rules, they think the powers that be are “picking on” them. As a result, they feel a flash of powerlessness and lash out.

Understand that they have a child’s mentality. Emotionally, they never matured beyond age six. Their tactics may be way more sophisticated than a six-year-old’s.

But inside, they still have the attitude of one.

Overoffense and selective outrage only destroy peaceful societies.

We must realize that overoffense and selective outrage break down civilization. They are the causes of the societal rot that happens right before our eyes.

Moreover, it’s the catalyst of cancel culture.

It isn’t the real victims of bullying who are the crybabies. It’s the bullies and abusers themselves who have delicate little egos.

 All it takes is for you to say, write, or do something they don’t like. And you can squash their egos like an overripe grape. It’s pathetic when you really think about it.

Bullying and Selective Outrage:

Here’s my message to bullies who get selectively outraged.

Your offense is nothing but an act. It’s a farce!

It’s time to grow up and accept that the world isn’t concerned about your feelings. Life isn’t always going to flow the way you want it to. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Life isn’t always fair.

And if you can get angry at someone for a certain behavior, then turn around and give someone else a pass for the same behavior, your outrage is fake.

Life isn’t fair for real targets of bullying. But they rarely complain.

Believe me, when I was bullied, life rarely went the way I wanted it. In fact, life wasn’t fair for me during those days.

Life is downright horrible for targets of bullying. But few of them whine about it. Most of them suffer in silence. However, if they do speak out about the abuse, they do it in a way that empowers them and others.

Targets of bullying do the best they can to get through each day. They keep working hard to achieve their goals. And they refuse to see themselves as victims.

Most of them keep pushing on. They get on with it and eventually find a way to empower themselves and overcome the bullying.

And those who don’t find a way to self-empowerment either don’t know how, or they’re in a position where they’re trapped.

Bullying and Selective Outrage:

In Conclusion

Again, bullies select who they get angry with. And they usually pick safe victims. And they do it because selective outrage offers many psychological rewards.

  • Selective outrage allows them to feel morally superior.
  • It allows them to bond with the in-group.
  • It gives them a sense of belonging.
  • Selective outrage gives them permission to rant and rave.
  • It gives them satisfaction.
  • It allows them to distract others from their own moral shortcomings.
  • Selective outrage also lets them project their own flaws onto a selected target.
  • It makes them feel like heroes fighting for truth and justice.
  • It allows them to boost their own social status.
  • Selective outrage allows bullies to use a shared enemy to forge alliances.

Therefore, is it any wonder bullying and selective outrage are such close siblings?

This post is all about bullying and selective outrage so that you can see it more clearly and call it out when you see it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Selective Outrage: 7 Reasons Bullies Use It

2. Facts About Selective Outrage: 13 Truths You Need to Know

3. Selective Outrage Examples: Here’s What it Looks Like

4. Weaponized Morality: Another Tool in the Bully’s Toolbox

resilience strategies examples

Resilience Strategies: 13 Powerful Tips to Stand Up to Bullying

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Want to know some resilience strategies to overcome bullying? Here are several you can use to help you stand tall when others bully you.

resilience strategies

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When you’re being bullied, you must develop resilience strategies to keep your self-esteem from crashing. Therefore, in this post, you will learn several tips you can use to stay resilient and overcome bullying.

Once you learn all these powerful tools, you will be a force to be reckoned with. And you will remain powerful when bullies come for you.

This post will give you all the resilience strategies you need to stand strong and remain confident.

Resilience Strategies

How can you practice resilience if you don’t know how? Here are powerful tools you can use to stay in control and keep your power.

1. Know Where the Bullying Comes From.

Most bullies bully to mask their own fears and insecurities. Therefore, realize that their behavior comes from their own mental issues. It doesn’t reflect on you.

In other words, how they act says more about them than you. It shows their lack of character. Moreover, bullies aren’t happy people. If they were, they wouldn’t feel the need to bring you down.

Therefore, always know where their behavior stems from. It will work wonders for your self-esteem.

2. Know your worth.

When you know your worth, you’re less likely to let the cruel behavior of a bully faze you. Understand that you can never control the atmosphere around you.

Toxic people are everywhere, and you have no control over how they behave.

Knowing your worth means understanding the value you bring to this world. Moreover, you won’t suppress your true self for the sake of fitting in.

Instead, you’ll continue to be yourself despite how they behave. And you’ll have the courage to walk away from bullies and abusers.

You’ll find it easier to bail out of relationships that don’t fulfill you. And you’ll drop fake friends like a bad habit.

This is because you’ll realize that you don’t deserve mistreatment. Moreover, you’ll walk away without feeling guilty.

Knowing your worth means not caring about what others think of you. And it gives you so much freedom.

When you let your love come from within, bullying won’t have such an impact on you. It will hurt, yes. But it won’t be as devastating.

Resilience Strategies:

3. Practice confident body language.

Practicing confident body language does so much for your self-esteem. Studies show that if you act confident, you will soon become confident. Now who doesn’t love that!

Confident body language means having good posture. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back.

When sitting in a chair, don’t slouch. Sit up straight. Keep your spinal column in good alignment. Also, walk with purpose.

Psychologists who surveyed criminals asked them how they chose their victims. Want to know what those criminals answered? They said they picked their victims based on the way they walked.

And it’s one of the ways bullies also choose their victims. Therefore, always walk purposefully.

Your posture and how you walk should convey confidence. Slouching and walking aimlessly only communicates a lack thereof.

4. Take up space.

Powerful people take up space. They may stand with their feet shoulder-width apart and hands on their hips. Moreover, they may sit with their feet perched on their desk or legs apart.

They may also lean back in their chairs and clasp their hands behind their heads. Therefore, always convey power. And how you do it is to take up space.

Resilience Strategies:

5. Refuse to engage with your bullies.

By refusing to engage with your bullies, you remove their power. How? You may ask. You cut them off from any psychological rewards that a reaction may give them.

Now, this isn’t the same as ignoring them. When you ignore them, you don’t even look at them. And ignoring them doesn’t work.

However, when you refuse to engage, you give them a dismissive look. And you might scoff at them or curl your lip in disgust. But that’s it.

You give them just enough attention to show that they bore or disgust you. Then, you keep walking.

6. Use calm, cool, but short responses.

For instance, you can give your bullies a bored look, and calmly say, “Okay,” then keep walking. If they tell you that they hate you, you can calmly say, “That’s a you-problem,” then move on.

If they tell you that you’re a loser, you can say, “That’s your opinion.” You can also respond with, “Nice try,” or “Try harder next time.”

You can even pause, looking at them with pity or boredom. Then you can say, “Well, at least you tried.” Then walk away.

The key here is to respond in as few words as possible. The fewer words you use, the better. Why? Because it sends your bullies the message that they’re a waste of time.

For more roasts you can use to shut bullies down, go here.

Resilience Strategies:

7. Use stinging but funny comebacks.

Here’s an example: let’s say that your bullies tell you that you’re the most hated person in the school or workplace. You can come back with this gem of a quip.

“How did I get so lucky?”

If they tell you that your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army, you can say, “Oh, you shop there too, huh?”

However, calm and cool is key here. Tips six and seven won’t work unless you say it calmly. So, keep your emotions out of it. Emotions are the kiss of death to any comeback.

8. Focus on your goals.

When you focus and work consistently on your goals, you won’t have time to think about your bullies. And you don’t care what they’re saying about you.

Consistency is key here. The more you work on achieving your goals, the more likely you are to succeed at them. And when you enjoy the journey, that’s even better.

If you continue focusing on your dreams, you’ll be so busy that your bullies won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

Moreover, if you accomplish them, you’ll get to show them all up! And that will be the icing on the cake!

Resilience Strategies:

9. Form connections outside the bullying environment.

When you’re bullied, meeting people, especially new ones, can be difficult. And I say this from personal experience.

It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid people will reject you. After all, everyone you know already has. And you don’t want to risk it happening again.

However, you should never be afraid to meet new people. Why? Because they’re opportunities to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to befriend.

Why? Because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment. So, you aren’t a target to them and are unlikely to be one.

With total strangers, you can start with a clean slate. You have opportunities to put your best foot forward and make new beginnings.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy. Find out what you have in common. Be genuinely interested in the person. People love those who show genuine interest in them.

Make small talk and show them the awesome, one-in-a-million you.  I promise you that you’ll be glad you did. Moreover, your confidence and self-esteem will blast off!

10. Spend time with family and friends who love you.

When you’re being bullied, the last thing you want to do is keep company with those who bring you down. Therefore, spend time with people who lift you up.

Stick around those who love you and want what’s best for you. It’s the best way to keep your self-esteem from tanking. Moreover, it keeps you strong to face bullying another day until a door opens and you can escape the environment.

Resilience Strategies:

11. Take pride in your appearance.

When you look good, you feel good. Therefore, practice good grooming. Dress your best. Keep your hair neat.

You would be surprised at how being clean and looking sharp boost your self-esteem.

You don’t have to dress in the latest fashions or buy the most expensive clothes. The only thing you need is clean clothes that fit well and look sharp.

12. Indulge in your hobbies.

What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are,  do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Resilience Strategies:

13. Stand Up for Yourself.

When people bully you, you have the right to stand up for yourself. In other words, defend yourself.

If a physical bully hauls off and hits you, defend yourself physically. If a verbal bully attacks you with words, come back with a good burn.

Or you can look at them with boredom and blow them off with a “whatever.” There are many things you can do to stand up to a bully.

However you do it, always defend yourself with a good response, not an emotional reaction. Remember that bullies only respond to strength.

In conclusion

Being resilient isn’t hard. All you need is to know how to do it effectively. Here’s a quick recap of the tips we discussed.

  • Know where the bullying comes from
  • Know your worth
  • Practice confident body language
  • Take up space.
  • Refuse to engage with your bullies.
  • Use calm, cool, but short responses.
  • Use stinging but funny comebacks.
  • Focus on your goals.
  • Form connections outside the bullying environment.
  • Spend time with family and friends who love you.
  • Take pride in your appearance.
  • Indulge in your hobbies.
  • Stand up for yourself.

Practice these tips, and you just might show your bullies that you aren’t such an easy target after all.

This post was all about the resilience Strategies you can use to deter bullies so that you can bully-proof yourself and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Resilience: 16 Ways to Stand Tall When You Suffer Bullying

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

4. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up

5. Good Roasts for Bullies: 25 Comebacks that Shut Them Up. 

6. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

what can bullying teach you about people

What Can Bullying Teach You? 16 Lessons You Learn from It

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What can bullying teach you? What life lessons can you learn from being bullied? Here are all the answers you need.

what can bullying teach you

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What can bullying teach you? Being bullied is hell. I won’t kid you. However, if you look for the lessons in it, it will teach you so much about life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the hard lessons being bullied can teach you.

Once you learn this knowledge, you will be able to remain confident when bullies come for you. And your mental health may be shaken but not broken.

This post will answer the unpopular question, “What can bullying teach you?” As a result, these answers will serve as a shield for your mental health.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

Bullying feels terrible. It can crush your spirit. However, if you look for the lessons in it, you will strengthen your confidence and save your self-esteem.

It took me many years to learn all I needed to learn from being bullied. But you don’t have to spend so much time trying to figure it out.

You can learn all you need to know in as little as 5-10 minutes – the time it takes to read this post. So, what can bullying teach you? Here are all the lessons you’ll learn.

1. that no one else is coming to save You.

Most schools today have policies against bullying. In fact, they’ve had them for at least a decade. However, bullying continues to get worse. And schools continue to ignore it.

In fact, they try to hide incidents of bullying. I can’t tell you how many articles I read about schools that refuse to allow parents to see any surveillance footage.

Therefore, you’ll learn the hard way that anti-bullying policies don’t work. And schools don’t care.

It’s the same in the workplace. Experience will teach you that workplaces protect bullies and punish victims. Therefore, you’ll realize that no one is coming to save you and you must save yourself.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

2. that You are the only person responsible for Your safety.

Again, you are responsible for your safety; no one else. Sure, schools and workplaces bear some responsibility. However, most of them don’t live up to it.

Anti-bullying policies are ineffective and have no teeth. And most institutions couldn’t care less. In fact, they will mostly side with bullies.

Therefore, it is you who must find ways to stand up to bullies.

3. to stand up to bullies No Matter What.

This is one of the most important lessons you’ll learn. Bullying will teach you that you must stand up to bullies even if they threaten you.

Physical bullies won’t leave you alone until you defend yourself.

Moreover, you’ll learn that giving in to their demands is rewarding them. And bullies always come back for more later.

4. That You are more Powerful than You Know

Power you don’t know you have is power you don’t have. In other words, if you have power but don’t know that you have it, there’s no way you can use it.

For instance, you can own a fast car. But if you don’t know how to drive the damned thing, you might as well not even have the car.

It’s the same with power. To have power, you must know you have it if you want to use it. If you’re a victim of bullying, bullies will try to convince you that you are powerless.

Understand that this is how they take your power away. Therefore, know that you have more of it than you realize. Don’t fall for their garbage.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

5. To deal with conflict, rejection, and threats

If there’s one thing bullying will teach you, it’s that sometimes, you must face conflict. You have two choices: either you deal with conflict or run from it.

If you stand up and face it head-on, people will likely leave you alone. And you won’t have as much conflict in your life. But if you run from it, you’ll have to run for the rest of your life.

Therefore, it teaches you not to fear friction.

6. The Importance of Self-Respect

Being bullied can teach you the importance of self-respect. Why? Because it forces you to set boundaries. Moreover, it forces you to enforce those boundaries if need be.

Remember that having boundaries is a part of having self-respect. And if you don’t respect yourself, who will?

7. The Importance of Knowing Your Worth

Bullying can teach you to realize that others can’t determine your worth.

And you won’t allow their behavior to shake you. Instead, you’ll realize that their actions say more about them than you.

Moreover, you’ll continue to believe in yourself no matter how they act.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

8. Why Confidence is Important

When you’re bullied, you learn the hard way that lack of confidence brings more mistreatment. Confidence is your first line of defense against bullies.

Once you learn this, you won’t allow your bullies to take it away. Because if they can take that away, everything else goes with it.

9. The Importance of Setting Boundaries

When people bully you, you quickly learn that setting boundaries is of the utmost importance. And this lesson can be a long and painful one.

How does it teach you to set limits? You may ask. It does so by showing you what abuse looks like. Before you can defend yourself, you must recognize disrespect.

Therefore, knowing abuse when you feel it can encourage you to be assertive and stand your ground. Moreover, you soon become fed up with it if it’s repeated.

And when you grow tired of it, you become less afraid of standing up to bullies. And trust me. Bullies can tell when you’ve had enough.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

10. The Importance of Developing a Quick Wit

Quick-wittedness is important when you’re dealing with bullies. Why? Because it disrupts the power imbalance. How? You may ask.

It does so by denying bullies the emotional reaction they’re looking for. When you keep your cool and deliver a humorous burn, you take control of the conversation.

And the best part is, you appear confident. Therefore, you’ll be compelled to learn it and use it effectively to keep bullies off your back.

11. Why You should Find Your Purpose

When you suffer bullying, it can light a fire under your ass. In other words, it will motivate you to find your purpose. How?

It gives you a “prove them wrong” attitude. You’ll get busy working on your goals. And you’ll pursue your dreams and ambitions. As a result, you’ll be determined to live a purposeful life.

This is how many victims of bullying find success. And success is the best revenge you could ever take.

12. The Importance of Working on Your Goals and Pursuing Your Dreams

This is closely related to the last section. So again, bullying can motivate you to focus on your goals and dreams.

You see? Working hard on your goals not only sets you on a path to success. It also takes your mind off the bullying.

When you’re busy chasing your dreams, you don’t have time to focus on what your bullies are trying to do to you. Moreover, you won’t worry about trying to impress them.

Instead, you’ll be too busy working on yourself to think about them. Your goals and aspirations will give you a healthy outlet. And while they’re busy running their mouths, you’ll have better things to do.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

13. The Importance of Keeping Your Power

Once bullies take your power away, it’s hard as hell to get it back. In fact, you’ll end up having to fight for it.

It’s much easier to maintain power than it is to get it back once they take it from you. And when you’re bullied, you usually learn this lesson too late.

14. The Human Predator/Prey Dynamic

In the animal kingdom, predators will scan a herd of elk for the weakest in the group. And once they spot it, that’s the animal they target.

Bullies are no different. They are also choosy about victims. This is one of the first things you learn if you pay attention. You also learn that you must make a choice.

Either stand up to them or remain subjugated.

15. That Bullies are Insecure Little Cowards

You’ll quickly notice that bullies always select “safe targets.” In other words, they choose victims who are least likely to fight back.

You’ll also notice that your bullies always have their friends to back them up. Remember that bullies can’t survive alone. They need groupies.

Moreover, you’ll discover that their aggression is just a facade to hide deep insecurity. Sadly, you may not learn these things until later.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

16. The Importance of Reading People

Body language matters more than words. Bullying will teach you the importance of reading a room and doing it quickly.

When you suffer bullying, you quickly learn to recognize hostility without being told. You’ll notice your bullies shooting you death glares and making themselves bigger by taking up space.

You’ll also recognize the posturing and the way their nostrils flare when they look at you. If nothing else, being bullied will teach you how to read body language like a newspaper!

And you will be able to use it to avoid toxic people later.

In Conclusion

Bullying can teach you many hard truths if you pay attention. Here’s a quick recap of all the lessons you learn.

  • No one else is coming to save you.
  • You are the only person responsible for your safety.
  • To stand up to bullies no matter what.
  • That you are more powerful than you know.
  • To deal with conflict, rejection, and threats.
  • The importance of self-respect.
  • The importance of knowing your worth.
  • Why confidence is important.
  • The importance of setting boundaries.
  • The importance of developing a quick wit.
  • Why you should find your purpose.
  • The importance of working on your goals and pursuing your dreams.
  • The importance of keeping your power.
  • The human predator/prey dynamic.
  • That bullies are insecure little cowards.
  • The importance of reading people.

The lessons you learn from bullying are hard-won. And I speak from experience. These are all the things I learned through years of suffering. And a few of them, I learned a little too late.

It took trial and error, and learning this way took a lot of time – time that I can’t get back. However, here’s the good news. What took me years to learn, you can discover in as little as 5-10 minutes.

This post provided all the answers to the question, “What can bullying Teach You?” And it did so to boost your confidence and help you stand strong against bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Importance of Confidence

2. People-Reading: 3 Reasons It Protects You from Bullying

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

5. Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to Be Responsible for Your Own Safety

6. 11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power 

3 elements of bullying vector

3 Elements of Bullying: What are They?

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‘Want to know the 3 elements of bullying? Here is a detailed description of each element so that you can not only recognize bullying but also distinguish it from other forms of conflict, such as jerky behavior or petty disagreements.

3 elements of bullying

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For any bad behavior to be classified as bullying, it must include these three elements.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about each of the 3 elements of bullying in detail, so that you will be able to recognize bullying with accuracy any time you see it. Moreover, you will be able to pinpoint it when it happens to you.

Once you learn about all these components, you will be able to call bullying by name and for what it is. More importantly, if you suspect that you are a victim, you will be more encouraged to stand up for yourself. In that, you’ll have a likely chance of overcoming your bullies.

This post is all about the 3 elements of bullying so that you can distinguish it from other forms of incivility and confidently name it, shame it, and successfully defend yourself against it.

3 Elements of Bullying

Three elements help you determine whether you’re being bullied or having a personality conflict. For an attack to be bullying, it must meet all of the following criteria.

1. Repetition

When there’s repetition, bullies repeat the same abuse. And they do it time and time again. But why do they do this? What’s the point in repeating the same tired bullshit over and over? Here’s why.

To brainwash you.

And if you want to get someone used to something that’s not comfortable, the best way to do that is to repeat it. And then slowly escalate it!

Why? Because over time, it slowly breaks down your defenses until it becomes instilled in your psyche. This is called the boiled frog technique.

So, is it any wonder bullies constantly bombard you with the same rhetoric? They’re trying to change the way you think about yourself completely.

You see? What they’re doing is trying to destroy your self-esteem. And tear down your confidence! If they can undermine those two things, they can force you to see yourself through their distorted lens.

Then, they can take your power. That’s why they spoon-feed you the same boring crap until you believe it too.

3 Elements of Bullying:

To Get others used to seeing you get bullied.

Your bullies replay this broken record to desensitize bystanders. You see? If they can get them used to seeing you get pummeled, they can reduce the chances of them helping you.

And once abuse becomes familiar, it will seem less evil until it soon becomes the status quo. After a while, people will think, “This is just the way things are done around here.”

Therefore, they’ll think nothing of it.

Then, they’ll get comfortable with it. And when they get comfortable with it, they start to believe that bullying you is okay. In fact, they may celebrate it because they see the rewards it brings.

That’s usually when bystanders start joining in. And why not? They’ve been watching your bullies getting rewarded for their behavior. And now they want some of those benefits too.

To make rumors and lies seem more truthful.

Joseph Goebbels once quoted, “Tell a lie once and it remains a lie. But tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

Therefore, when bullies start a nasty rumor about you, they will repeat it. And they may even get you to believe it if you aren’t careful.

Bullies understand that most people are lazy-minded. It takes an exceptional person to see lies that have stood the test of time.

Seeing through these kinds of falsehoods means recognizing context. Moreover, it means reading subtext. Debunking some lies requires doing a lot of reading and research.

Therefore, most people don’t want to put in that kind of work. And bullies know it, so they take advantage of it.

3 Elements of Bullying:

2. Deliberate harm

The harm bullies cause their victims is deliberate. Realize that the very goal of your bullies is to harm you, and do it badly enough to ruin your life.

However, they take small nibbles at first.

As I’ve mentioned in several earlier posts, bullying always starts subtly. Bullies repeat the same attacks to get you used to them. But what they’re really doing is softening you up for bigger attacks later.

Physical harm

Physical bullies like to inflict physical harm. However, they rarely start by beating the crap out of you. Instead, they take tiny jabs at first. In other words, they begin with “gateway behaviors.”

For instance, they may get in your face. Or, they may give you a tiny poke in the chest. They might even “accidentally” trip you. Maybe they run into you in the hall.

“Oops! Sorry about that.”

psychological harm

Psychological harm may start with body language. Bullies may give you a death glare to intimidate you. They may also roll their eyes or give you the side-eye.

Or, they may point at you. Bullies may also make jokes at your expense or give you backhanded compliments.

Moreover, they may look you up and down. Understand that these behaviors provide an entry point to severe psychological abuse.

Why? Because they’re hard to detect. And they’re easy for others to dismiss as joking. If you say anything, they’ll say that you’re “reading too much into it.”

3 Elements of Bullying:

Reputational Harm

Reputational bullying starts with non-verbal behaviors like eye-rolling or sighing. Bullies do this to express contempt when you walk into the room.

Or they may do the opposite. They may cozy up to you. Bullies may start by pretending to be your friends to get you to tell them your deepest secrets. Then, they’ll use them against you later.

3. Power imbalance

In other words, the bullies’ power always outmatches yours. Or, they may think that you are weaker. Therefore, they want to convince you of it too.

Power you don’t think you have is power you don’t have. Therefore, the brainwashing that we discussed earlier is just another way to reduce your power.

physical power

This applies mostly to bullies in school. However, it can go this way with adults too. Bullies with more physical power may resort to physical bullying. However, they rarely start that way.

Size

For instance, you have a bigger school bully picking on you because you’re a little guy. Naturally, this intimidates you because no one wants to get beaten up. Therefore, he uses his size to bully you.

3 Elements of Bullying:
Strength

For instance, a male bully may target a female victim. He may stand too close. He may tower over her. Moreover, he may progress to shoving, then to hitting, and the escalation continues.

He is clearly using physical strength to bully her.

numbers

As the old saying goes, “there’s strength in numbers.” Never underestimate the power of evil people in large groups. Bullies rarely bully alone.

They always run in packs. There’s nothing more intimidating than being bullied by 3, 5, or 10 people at once. Bullies know this. Therefore, groups use their numbers to bully you. Why? Because what can one person do against a large group?

social power

Social power is, perhaps, the best power there is. It trumps physical power or intellectual power any day of the week. So, what is social power?

It is the ability to influence others. It’s also the ability to attract people, make them like you, and make them want to do what you want.

Social Capital

Social capital is the number of connections you have, especially with people in positions of power. Most bullies have these kinds of relationships. And that’s why they feel so entitled to bully.

3 Elements of Bullying:
Power of influence

Also, most bullies can influence others to do their bidding. That’s why they have followers who do their dirty work for them.

intellectual power

Some bullies have intellect; others don’t. However, smarts do give you power.

Social intelligence

The most seasoned bullies have superior social intelligence. And they will weaponize it to the fullest extent. Why do you think they’re so good at manipulating social hierarchies?

And why do you think they have the power to tell people who they can and can’t talk to?  But realize that you don’t have to give them that power.

financial power

Bullies usually yield financial power in abusive relationships. However, they can also use their class position to bully those who make less income than they do.

For instance, an abusive husband may withhold financial resources from the wife to keep her dependent on his approval. It’s a form of coercive control. And it’s called financial abuse.

Moreover, bullies in higher financial status use that to bully those in lower income brackets.

3 Elements of Bullying

In Conclusion

 

Let’s recap. The 3 elements of bullying are:

  • Repetition
  • Deliberate Harm
  • Power Imbalance

Know that if you stand up to the bullies, you minimize their power. Moreover, you break the repetition and stop the deliberate harm they try to do.

Standing up to bullies isn’t a one-shot deal. It is consistent. Why? Because bullies are relentless. It usually gets worse before it gets better.

However, if you stand strong and stay consistent, they will eventually decide that you aren’t worth the hassle. And they will give up.

However, you can’t stand up to bullying until you know what it is and how to tell the difference between that and uncivil behavior.

This Post is all about the 3 elements of bullying so that you will easily distinguish bullying from conflict.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or just an Asshole?

 2. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

3. Incivility vs Bullying

4.  Bullying: What Is It? And What Are the 11 Types of It?

willful blindness psychology

Willful Blindness: 11 Powerful Ways It Protects Bullies

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Want to know about willful blindness and how it protects bullies? Here is everything you need to know.

willful blindness

Photo from Canva

Willful blindness has protected abusers and harmed victims since the beginning of time. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what it is and how it protects bullies so that you can recognize it and protect yourself from it.

Once you learn all this crucial information, you will recognize willful blindness when it happens and takes steps to call out and defend yourself from bullying.

This post is all about willful blindness, so that you’ll know what it looks like and how to call out all the tactics.

Willful Blindness

So, what is willful blindness?

Bullies with “Victim Derangement Syndrome” hold extremely biased opinions about their targets. If you’re a victim of bullying, they don’t base these views on evidence or facts.

Instead, their beliefs come from intense emotions. And no amount of data or substantial evidence will change their minds.

Reason and rational thought won’t help either. Understand that abusers and their supporters will never change their minds about you.

They don’t care how “good” you are. In fact, deep down, they may know that you’re a good person with integrity. However, these people hate you.

So, they would rather see you as inherently evil and inferior. Why? Because it’s most familiar to them. In fact, it’s the status quo.

Confirmation Bias

Therefore, it’s a given that they will search only for information that matches their beliefs. And they will dismiss any evidence that contradicts it. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or how solid it is.

This is called confirmation bias.

And it often takes someone on the outside to see the stuff those on the inside are blind to. Why do you think bullies go out of their way to destroy your reputation with strangers who haven’t even met you?

These people are virtually unpersuadable.

11 Ways Willful Blindness Protects Bullies

Willful blindness only protects bullies and places victims in more danger. Here’s how.

1. It makes you safe to bully.

It allows bullies to get away with bad behavior. If there are no consequences, bullies will likely escalate the abuse. Why? Because they have no incentive to stop.

This sends the unspoken message that you’re a safe target. And when you’re safe to bully, you become fair game to any and every bully who comes down the pike.

2. It rewards abuse.

When bystanders and authorities look the other way, bullies have free rein. Why? Because it sends the message that bullying is not only acceptable, it’s celebrated.

People either condemn abuse or reward it. There’s no in-between. So, if they don’t speak against it, they approve of it. This only emboldens bullies to continue harming you.

And why not? Being rewarded feels good. And when a certain behavior brings rewards, humans will naturally increase it to get more of the benefits.

Moreover, if others think that you’re evil, abuse isn’t only justified, it’s celebrated. Remember, you’ve been made public enemy number one.

Therefore, it’s open season on you.

Willful Blindness:

3. It Silences Victims.

By overlooking bullying, the people who see it only subtly force you to stay quiet about it. You see? People who push false narratives refuse to engage in any thoughtful or intelligent discussions.

And if you try to hold those kinds of discussions, you’re only wasting your time and energy. Why? Because their opinions come strictly from their negative emotions.

Therefore, you won’t change their minds. And it’s not your job to do so! And once you realize that speaking out won’t do any good, you’ll clam up eventually.

Why waste your breath when no one is listening? Why talk if it only makes things worse? When you have no support, you eventually withdraw, while the bully is free to keep tormenting you.

4. It protects bullies with plausibility.

Most seasoned bullies don’t bully directly. They do it subtly. Covert tactics, such as exclusion, gossip, and backhanded compliments, aren’t as easy to point out.

It also protects bystanders and those in power. Why? Because it allows them to claim they “didn’t see anything suspicious.” Or they may say that they “didn’t know anything was going on.”

Therefore, bullies get away scot-free while your complaints look exaggerated.

5. Allows Bystanders to keep their mouths shut.

It takes courage to report bullying. Why? Because complaining comes with risks. What if the bullies retaliate? What if they suddenly begin targeting the bystander who snitched?

Most bystanders don’t help victims; they either ignore victims or join bullies in humiliating them. And they do it to keep their own butts safe.

Therefore, it’s easier to ignore it to avoid conflict and social backlash.

Willful blindness:

6. It demonizes the victim.

When people ignore bullying, they’re more likely to blame the victim. Why? Because it’s much easier. It’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about who has the most power.

Therefore, schools and workplaces automatically side with those who have more power and blame those with the least.

Others may give the victim bad advice about bullying. They may suggest that they “ignore it.” Or they may tell them to “toughen up.”

They might even tell them to “suck it up.” The problem with this kind of advice is that it yields no results. Moreover, it’s more harmful to the victim. Why?

Because it only re-victimizes them.

7. It makes bullies bolder.

Bullies have overinflated egos. Willful blindness gives bullies four things:

  • a sense of power
  • dominance
  • social acceptance.
  • Protection

And any evidence that exonerates you only threatens those four benefits.

Willful Blindness:

8. It doesn’t consider context.

Here’s a scenario. Someone physically attacks you, but you defend yourself. Bullies will use your fighting back to make it look like you attacked them first.

They may have seen the assault. However, they still won’t believe their eyes. Therefore, you will get punished.

This is why willful blindness doesn’t consider context. It only sees what it wants.

You may be a great person who would be a great friend to them if they allowed you. But bullies will block out that reality because it’s uncomfortable. In fact, it would only contradict the narrative.

They deliberately eschew any evidence that favors you. Therefore, they’ll only twist the truth. Why? Because, again, anything that disproves the labels only makes them look bad.

And they will move heaven and earth to keep that from happening. Why? Because they don’t want to risk being proven wrong. Moreover, they fear looking like the fools they are.

If the truth about you were to come out, it would bruise their fragile egos. Therefore, they will only continue to ignore it. Or they may explain it away. They might even destroy it.

Context is the death of false narratives.

Willful Blindness:

9. It suppresses the truth.

Bullies go to great lengths to avoid being informed because they don’t want to be informed. In other words, if you’re such a great person, they don’t want to know.

It’s more convenient (and less painful) to hold onto their opinions, even if those opinions are false. Therefore, they must keep you looking evil in the minds of others as well.

And if they hear differently, they’ll start hunting for information that supports their opinions.

10. It keeps the Rumors alive.

Deep down inside, your bullies know your potential and your worth. They already know how intelligent and creative you are. They’ve seen that you’re a team player, and you get along with a few others.

They’ve seen how loving and caring you are. They know that you’re a great person; only they refuse to acknowledge it.

Everything about you may speak for itself. But willful blindness will keep it hidden and revive the false labels.

If you’re a target of bullying, it’s tempting to defend yourself. Why? Because it’s hard to believe that anyone could be this deaf and blind. And you may ask yourself, “Can anyone be this clueless?”

I hate to tell you. But, yes, they can. And they are!

Willful Blindness:

11. It places victims in danger.

Willful blindness can put you in danger. For instance, there’s “a weirdo” living in the neighborhood. He may not necessarily be dangerous. He may be a good person with a heart of gold.

However, he’s different. A little too different. He’s an oddball. Therefore, others in the neighborhood get uncomfortable.

Rumors soon fly around about the guy. Rumors that he’s dangerous. Parents in the community warn their kids to stay away from him. The rumors grew more vicious and outlandish.

However, five years later, the strange man saves a neighborhood child from drowning in a nearby lake. But most people refuse to believe it because they can’t see past their hatred.

Eventually, someone sets his house on fire with him inside. The house burns to the ground, but he manages to escape. Soon, he wakes up, cuts ties with the neighbors, and quietly leaves. Why? Because he knows that staying would only put his life in danger.

In Conclusion

Never let bullying get out of hand.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, the best thing you can do is to give these people the old heave-ho! Don’t even engage with them. Why? Because they’re unteachable.

They aren’t worth it! They’re only a waste of space. So, listen to your gut and trust it.

Cutting ties with those who try to destroy your life will save you so much trouble. Moreover, you’ll finally reclaim your power and live in peace.

Willful blindness is brutal. Why? Because it shields the bully while leaving you vulnerable.

This post is all about willful blindness so that you can know what it LOOKS like and figure out the best way to handle it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When Bullying Gets Out of Control: 5 Signs You’re in Danger

2.  Safe Targets: 17 Signs You’re “Safe” to Bully and What You Can Do

3. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

4. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

6. Confirmation Bias and Bullying

popular bullies at school

Popular Bullies: 10 Ways They Use Their Social Capital to Bully

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Want to know how popular bullies use their social capital as leverage? Here’s everything you need to know.

popular bullies

Photo from dreamstime

Popular bullies are the most destructive to their victims. These are the bullies with the most social connections. They have friends in high places.

Often, they have lots of power. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about popular bullies and how they use their social status to bury you.

Once you learn all this crucial information, you will be better able to outsmart them and save yourself a ton of trouble.

This post is all about popular bullies and the tactics they use, so you’ll be prepared to counter any attack they launch.

Popular Bullies

 These kinds of bullies are the most feared in schools, workplaces, neighborhoods, and communities. They can be the “cool kids” at school or the “Good Ol’ Boy” clique at work or in town.

Moreover, they can also be local politicians and businessmen. Or they’re members of well-known families in a particular area.

Money does help. However, these people don’t necessarily have to be rich to have these connections. I’ve known those who were quite poor who had these types of relationships as well.

What gives them their power is their connections with the right people. This is why bullies in these select groups are especially dangerous. They cause the most damage to their targets.

It isn’t money, it’s relationships with the right people.

These types of bullies proactively build a network of social relationships to reinforce their power. Therefore, they get protection from any accountability. In many cases, they already have close, well-established ties that go back several years.

These tight connections ensure that the bullies stay above reproach. Worst of all, they also give them carte blanche to ride roughshod over anyone freely and with impunity. These types will watch you closely.

These bullies know they have good name recognition, and they take advantage of it. Any time a bully has a ton of social capital, others will not risk alienating them. Why? They fear becoming the next target.

And if they target you, their followers will only follow their lead.

Popular Bullies:

Weaponizing their connections and popularity

This is why the most popular and well-connected bullies get away with deplorable behavior. They can do anything they want to anyone.

And they will use their connections and influence to destroy every aspect of your life. Also, they’ll never stop coming after you.

Understand that these bullies are very influential, persuasive, and, most of all, convincing. Their names alone carry considerable weight.

Moreover, they have trust, mutual understanding, and shared values that promote unity and strengthen their group. When one of them says something, even outsiders listen and take their word as fact!

Sacred Cows

They’re like “sacred cows” because they’re those whom others don’t dare question or speak against. And this goes even if they’re in the wrong.

When it comes to sacred cows, others may not necessarily like them. They may even hate them, but they do fear them.

So, even haters are careful not to speak against them publicly. They won’t even do it within earshot.

And if you’re a victim of these people, they can make your life hell. They can tarnish your name with smear campaigns. And others will believe it simply because of who the rumors and lies come from.

Popular Bullies:

Worst case Scenarios

They can also cause you to lose your job and black-list you, robbing you of any opportunity to find other employment. Moreover, they can destroy your ability to make new friends because others will be too afraid to associate with you.

If you own a business, they can discourage customers from patronizing it. They can also have their worker bees set it on fire and burn it to the ground.

And don’t put it past these bullies to trump up false criminal charges against you. They’ve been known to set innocent people up to be arrested. Or worse, they may send henchmen to pay you a visit or meet you on the street.

If you’re a kid in school, your self-esteem can also take a harder hit. And you’re likely to be paralyzed with fear.

So, how do they use their social capital to bully?

Many victims wonder how they do it. If you’re one of them, here are the answers you’ve been looking for.

1. They Control the overall narrative

These bullies decide who’s hot and who’s not. Who they target, who they leave alone, and who they favor. In other words, they choose who gets abused and who gets special treatment.

And they’re very protective of those they like. If you happen to get on their good side, then you will have a few perks. If you happen to be neutral and avoid their radar, you’re one of the lucky ones.

If they don’t like someone, they’ll use the power of suggestion to spread subtle rumors and lies. If you’re a target, they’ll paint you as unstable or dramatic. Then they’ll stand back and let the court of public opinion do its job

And why not? They already have credibility. So, others will automatically believe them.

Popular Bullies:

Once a Target, Always a Target.

. Additionally, they may even provoke you. Then they’ll retell the events in ways that make them look like the victim.

Moreover, once they have you in their sights, there’s no getting away from it. You’ll stay a target. If you’re foolish, you may try sucking up to them to get on their good side. But it won’t work.

You’ll only end up looking like a kiss-ass. And they (and everyone else) will laugh at you and keep treating you like something they scrape off the bottom of their shoe.

Again, once a target, always a target. It won’t matter what you do to try to appease them.

2. They turn bullying into fun and games.

Popular bullies are slick. They don’t bully you openly. Instead, they do it behind the veil of jokes. Or they may use sarcasm. You might even see them give an eye roll.

These kinds of bullies may also make impressions of you or create cruel memes about you. They use these tactics to bully you and avoid accountability. Worst of all, they usually do it in public.

And if you react, witnesses will laugh harder. The bullies will say that you’re “too sensitive” while acting innocent.

And you’ve got to admit. This is a good tactic because it does two things. It makes the bullies look like they’re only playing. And it gets bystanders involved without them knowing it.

Popular Bullies:

3. They use Social Exclusion.

Exclusion is one of the most powerful bullying tactics because it hides in plain sight. These kinds of bullies decide who’s in and who’s out.

For instance, they may organize an event and leave you out. They may create group chats without you (but about you). They may also ignore you publicly.

Also, they may silently pressure others not to talk to you. And the others may secretly like you and want to talk to you. However, they won’t do it in public because they’re afraid of losing their own social status.

4. They get others to do their dirty work for them.

Popular bullies fear exposure. Therefore, they’ll often use proxies to bully. In other words, they get others to bully you for them. They may drop hints rather than give open demands.

And the people they get to attack you are usually those of lower status. Why? Because those on the lower end of the hierarchy are trying to climb it.

But how do they motivate them? Easy! They give them incentives. They may promise to reward the proxy with a higher social status. Therefore, the worker bee will do what they must do to get it.

Popular Bullies:

5. They recruit authority figures.

Popular bullies are charismatic. And they use that to their advantage. They create positive connections with those in authority. For example, school bullies may build friendships with teachers and coaches.

They may also bond with other kids’ parents and family members. High-status bullies may appear respectful to adults. Moreover, they may be high academic achievers. And this impresses teachers and school staff.

On the other hand, others see you as “difficult” or “mentally imbalanced.”

They’re highly skilled in the social arena. This gives them a protective shield. So, if you report them for bullying you, others are likely to say, “This doesn’t sound like them.”

Charismatic bullies are harder to report.

6. They Use Social Risk against you.

People fear social punishment the most. And popular bullies know it. Therefore, they create an environment where talking to you is dangerous. And disagreement is death.

 The unspoken message is, “You’re either with us or against us.” Therefore, they make it impossible for anyone to be neutral.

Bystanders will stay silent to avoid losing friends, losing status, and becoming the next target. Therefore, bullying you becomes the status quo. Then, it becomes systemic.

Popular Bullies:

7. They Destroy your reputation.

These kinds of bullies can slowly influence others’ opinions of you. They may stick you with embarrassing labels and point out negative traits.

They may also exaggerate your mistakes and repeatedly bring up past incidents. Over time, people stop seeing you as a person. Instead, they begin seeing you as a collection of flaws and shortcomings.

And, instead of seeing you through their own lens, they begin seeing you through the eyes of the bullies.

8. They take the moral high ground.

Many high-status bullies act like they’re morally superior. Instead of saying, “We hate her,” they may say, “She’s toxic,” “she’s mentally unstable,” or “she deserves it.”

By doing this, they reframe their cruelty as justice. It also gives bystanders permission to join in without feeling guilty. Instead, they get to feel like heroes.

Popular Bullies:

9. They publicly humiliate you regularly. 

Public humiliation rituals are the worst kind of bullying a victim can suffer. People bullies love the audience. They like to target you in front of people.

For instance, they may attack you in class or in the lunchroom, where huge crowds gather. And they don’t only want to harm you, they want to show off their status by lowering yours.

So, they do this by publicly embarrassing you because it strengthens their dominance and reinforces the social ranking system.

Popular Bullies:

10. They use kindness as a strategy.

Strategic kindness is the best way to cover evil. These bullies may act nice in short bursts. They may compliment you occasionally. And they may be sweet to you in public and cruel in private.

However, they do this deliberately. And the reason is to keep you confused and on the back foot. You see, if they can keep you off balance, then they can bully you much more easily.

So, what can you do to protect yourself against these vile bullies?

It may seem so, but your situation isn’t hopeless. There are things you can do to lessen the damage and buffer your self-esteem from the attacks.

1. Build your own social capital.

In other words, befriend and align yourself with other targets. Why? Because you probably aren’t the only one these bullies torment.

If you can find people who were once a part of the bullies’ circle but were kicked out, that’s even better! They would be the ones who have private info about each of the bullies and their sycophants.

Moreover, they’ll be looking for a little payback. So, they’ll be only too happy to give you the details!

Establish tight connections with your fellow targets and those your bullies have double-crossed. Band together with them because nothing unites people like the shared anger and hatred toward an enemy.

Popular Bullies:

2. Be seen with your new friends.

Pal around with or eat out with them. Be sure you’re seen with as many of them as possible. This will provide you with a little protection! And the more targets and outcasts you connect with, the better!

Most importantly, always have their backs and make sure they have yours!

3. Make friends and handle your business outside the bullies’ element.

Make friends, take jobs, and seize opportunities away from town. If need be, move to a new area. Tell no one of your plans, where your new job is, your address, or where you’re moving to. Sometimes, it’s just best to vanish!

Do these things, and you’ll be much safer!

In Conclusion

Popular bullies get away with their abuse because social status gives them protection. People tend to trust those with high status more. Why? Because they often mistake popularity for goodness.

High-status bullies live under the Halo Effect. Therefore, people will likely excuse their evil deeds. Also, they’ll listen to public opinion and avoid the risk of being ostracized.

However, there are things you can do to protect yourself from popular bullies. Let’s do a quick recap on how to protect yourself.

  • Build your own social capital. In other words, make friends with other targets.
  • Be seen with your new friends.
  • Make friends and handle your business outside the bullies’ element.

This post was all about popular bullies and the ways they use social capital to bully you. It also gave you a few tips you can use to protect yourself from them so that you can bully-proof yourself and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Popularity and Bullying

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

bully apology letter reddit

Bully Apology Letter: 5 Ways to Know If a Bully’s Apology is Sincere

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Have you ever gotten a bully apology letter? Here are three ways to know if your bully is sincere with their apologies.

bully apology letter

Photo from Canva

It is rare that bullies ever apologize for abusing you. However, a few do. Therefore, I continue to have hope for them.

I’ve gotten face-to-face apologies from a few of my former bullies. And I’m glad to say that these apologies were sincere. Later on, I’ll tell you how I knew.

In this post, you will learn about the bully apology letter and how to know if it’s sincere.

Once you learn the difference between a real and fake apology, you will be able to decide whether to accept it.

This post is all about the bully apology letter so that you know when to accept it and when not to. Moreover, you can finally find closure to a traumatic part of your life and move on.

Bully Apology Letter

I never got a bully apology letter. However, a few of my former bullies did apologize to me (to my face) for the way they treated me. And I appreciate it.

Moreover, I knew those apologies were sincere because those who apologized never tried to shift blame. There was no “but” in the apologies they gave me.

“I’m sorry for the way I treated you, but…”

There was none of that. They took full responsibility. And for that, they earned my respect. However, I was lucky.

Most bullies don’t apologize. And if they do, there’s always a but. Then they shift blame. The majority of my bullies haven’t apologized, and that’s okay. But a few have, and that’s enough. I accept their apologies because I know they were sincere.

Therefore, here’s how to tell whether a bully’s apology is real. It’s how I knew.

How to Know Your Bully’s Apology is real or Fake

To know when an apology is real means knowing when one is fake. Therefore, I’ll list the signs of fake apologies first.

How to know when an apology is fake.

Here are the warning signs of fake apologies.

Bully Apology Letter:

1. They shift blame.

For example, “I’m sorry I lost my temper and called you a (insert name here), but you…”

If nothing else, know this right now. An apology that includes blame is not real. It’s fake. So, take it with a grain of salt.

If you know you didn’t do or say anything to make the bully behave the way they did, you don’t have to accept it. Just walk away.

2. They make Excuses.

In these types of apologies, there’s always an excuse.

“I’m sorry I went off on you, but I was having a bad day.”

Now, before we go any further, this can be a legitimate excuse. We all have bad days and get irritable. We snap at people, especially the ones we love.

Also, we may say things we don’t mean. Therefore, we apologize later and may say that we’re going through a hard time.

However, bullies use it to excuse their behavior.

The good news is that you can figure this out by considering their past behavior. If the bully has used this excuse before and continues to treat you terribly, you know their apology isn’t sincere.

Therefore, consider context. Look at the pattern. Have they done the same in the past? And did the behavior continue?

Answering these questions will help you decide if the bully is truly sorry or only trying to relieve themselves of guilt.

Bully Apology Letter:

3. They’re worried about looking bad.

If a bully apologizes only to save face, the apology is fake. When someone says that they’re sorry, they should mean it.

And the reason should be that they acknowledge that they hurt you and want to make amends. How they look in public should be a non-issue.

Being sorry isn’t to protect one’s image. It’s to right a wrong and restore good feelings of trust.

4. The apology is forced.

For example, you’re a kid in school and your bully attacks you with name-calling and put-downs. A teacher overhears it. They intervene and send the bully to the principal’s office.

After the principal scolds the bully harshly, he orders them to apologize to you. So, the bully tells you he’s sorry, but he does so begrudgingly.

You can hear the resentment in his voice when he apologizes. Situations like this happened a lot with bullies when I was in school.

School staff would order them to apologize to me. And they complied. However, their voices only dripped with sarcasm, or worse – resentment.

And I saw right through it. Therefore, I didn’t take it seriously. And neither should you. In fact, I resented the hell out of it because I knew it was fake. They were only doing it to keep their ass out of hot water.

Bully Apology Letter:

5. They continue their behavior.

When a person apologizes to you, then goes back to mistreating you, that tells you they never meant it. They were only trying not to look bad in public. Or they did it hoping to get something from you.

Whatever the reason, the apology is false. And you should take it with a grain of salt.

How to Know the Apology is Real

Here’s how to know an apology is sincere.

1. There’s no blame-Shifting.

The person owns up to their behavior. And they do it without blaming you. They don’t follow the apology with a “but.” They only want to apologize to make things right.

2. They don’t make excuses.

They admit they were wrong, and they make an effort not to do it again. They may tell you that they were going through a hard time. However, they tell you that it isn’t an excuse and admit they were wrong.

And the real tell is that they change their behavior and make an effort not to do it again. In other words, they begin treating you a lot better than before.

Bully Apology Letter:

3. They’re not doing it to look good.

The person who gives you a real apology isn’t worried about how they look to others. In fact, that never even crosses their mind.

Again, they’re trying to right a wrong. And they feel terrible about the way they treated you. Therefore, they want to make it up to you. Why?

Because they value you as a person and care about your feelings. They also want to restore love and good feelings.

4. No one has to force them to apologize to you.

Sincere apologies come without force. No one has to remind the person to tell you they’re sorry. They do it of their own free will.

In short, they apologize because they want to. Therefore, they make amends out of the desire to do the right thing and patch things up.

A sincere person will validate your feelings. They won’t trivialize them. When someone apologizes and considers your feelings, that’s when you know they’re for real.

When an apology is sincere, you can feel it.

5. They change their behavior.

You’ll notice they begin treating you better. They will avoid mistreating you again.

Bully Apology Letter:

In Conclusion

It’s rare when a bully apologizes. Most of the time, it’s the victim who apologizes unnecessarily to the bully. But when a bully does apologize, you must decide if they mean it or not.

A person with a sincere apology openly acknowledges that they were wrong. They’re big enough to name what they did wrong without blame or excuses. Moreover, they allow you to talk about how their behavior impacted you without interrupting you.

They also admit that they were wrong and then try to change their behavior. Let’s do a quick recap. Here’s how to know your bully’s apology is sincere:

  • There’s no blame-shifting.
  • They don’t make excuses.
  • They don’t apologize to look good.
  • No one has to force them to apologize to you.
  • They change their behavior.

A heartfelt apology, whether spoken or written, can smooth over relationships and bring closure to abuse. Moreover, it can bring forgiveness and repair relationships.

This post was all about the bully apology letter and the spoken apology. Also, it was about the difference between a real and fake apology so that you can distinguish between them and decide whether to accept it or not.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Letter to a Bullied Girl

2. Open Letter to Bullies: From One who Overcame

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For 

embrace the suck meaning

Embrace the Suck: 4 Circumstances that Trap Bullied Kids in a Toxic School

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‘Want to know the reasons bullied kids have to embrace the suck? Here are the circumstances that trap these children in toxic schools.

embrace the suck

Photos from Canva, Getty Images, and Pexels

Millions of bullied victims have no choice but to embrace the suck. Why? Because they’re trapped with no way out.

In this post, you will learn what it means to embrace the suck and how it feels when you’re stuck in a bullying environment with nowhere to go.

Once you learn all these details, you won’t feel alone. You will realize that there are millions of others who share your pain. Moreover, you’ll keep trying to better your situation until you finally find a way out.

This post will teach you the meaning of “embrace the suck.” It will also assure you that you aren’t alone, so that you know that you aren’t the only one.

Embrace The Suck

What does it mean? Here’s the definition.

Embrace the Suck Meaning

It is a popular military phrase. And it means to accept, adapt to, and power through a gawdawful situation you can do nothing about. And do it without whining.

In other words, you have to just “suck it up.”

Life circumstances can sometimes trap young targets of bullying in a school that hates them. It’s easier to get out of a toxic environment when you’re an adult being bullied at work. You can transfer; if you can’t, you can always quit.

However, when you’re a minor, it’s almost impossible. What if your family cannot afford to move to a new school district? Also, what if your parents refuse to move or to transfer you? What if your parents can’t afford to homeschool you?

There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a horrible situation. When everyone in the school is bullying you, and there’s no way of escaping it, it’s the feeling of entrapment!

Just imagine finding yourself in this situation, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it! You can’t get away from it! You’re just stuck there! I speak from personal experience.

So, What Do You Do?

Nothing. You embrace the suck. In other words, you just grin and bear it. You just accept the god-awful, crappy mess you’re in. Why? Because there’s no other choice.

Until God opens a door for you to leave, you’re just plain screwed. And you make peace with the possibility that things may not get better. And yes, it sucks!

Embrace the Suck:

The Result.

Other classmates keep attacking you every day. And they do it psychologically and physically. Some of the teachers may look down on you because you’re a victim. And the fact is, most teachers, especially male ones, have no respect for victims of bullying.

Moreover, bullies convince them that you’re the instigator. Therefore, school staff constantly watch you. In fact, some of them wait for any excuse to drag you into the principal’s office.

Bullied kids suffer from plummeting grades and poor school performance. Why? Because circumstances force them to live in survival mode.

You see? When your brain must prepare for a hostile environment, the area responsible for learning shuts down. Therefore, your grades fall like a meteor.

This causes school staff to think that you’re just a lazy student who doesn’t want to do the work. Therefore, they refuse to give you the extra help you need.

Gee! That’s an awful lot of suck!  And how much suck can one child deal with?

Embrace the Suck:

5 Things that Trap Bullied Kids.

1. Their Parents Can’t Afford to Transfer Them.

It’s true that money isn’t everything. However, life can be damn hard without it. And sadly, this is what traps many bullied kids in schools with a culture of bullying. The lack of extra money.

This goes especially in rural areas. In a small town, there’s little opportunity for upward mobility. Therefore, most rural people can’t just uproot their kids and move them to safer schools.

My family was middle-class, yes. We owned a nice home and had nice cars. However, things were still tough in the 1980s. There were other bullied kids at my school. And most of them were a heck of a lot worse off than me.

2. Some parents are afraid of upsetting the apple cart.

If there’s one thing small towns are good at, it’s taking pride in their schools. When a child leaves a school because of bullying, it causes much resentment among the townspeople.

You don’t have to say a word, and it’s not the transfer itself that pisses them off. It’s the message they get when you leave.

  • “Oh, so he didn’t like our school.”
  • “So, she doesn’t think our little school is good enough.”
  • “Oh, so he thinks he can find a better school, huh?”

Many people will resent you if you move your kid to another school. Especially if they were bullied at the old school. Most small communities see that as an insult. Especially if you take them out of public school and decide to homeschool.

Most school officials despise the idea of homeschooling. Why? Because they hate the competition.

Embrace the Suck:

3. Some Parents feel that moving schools because of bullying is running away from your problems.

This was why my parents didn’t transfer me. They wanted to teach me that running away from your problems didn’t solve them. My dad was in the military.

And the Army trained its soldiers to improvise, adapt, and overcome. So, he wanted to teach me the same thing. My mother wanted to teach me resilience.

Both my parents believed in facing adversity head-on. Therefore, they had good intentions for keeping me there. They also gave me permission to knock the hell out of any bully who hit me first.

I’m grateful they taught me to stand strong. However, they were a different generation.

Most parents don’t realize what their bullied kid is up against.

My parents didn’t realize what I was facing. They knew I was being bullied, yes. But they didn’t know the level of brutality I was suffering.

In their day, you could ignore bullies and make them go away.

Punching a bully in the face was more acceptable when they were in school. In fact, schools allowed kids to defend themselves during my parents’ childhoods.

But by the time I reached school-age, they were beginning to crack down on physical violence. Even if it was self-defense.

It’s even harder for today’s kids. Zero-tolerance policies are in every school now, and they don’t consider self-defense.

Embrace the Suck:

4. Some parents keep their kids in bullying environments to “toughen them up.”

Your parents may keep you there to toughen you up. Again, I believe they do it out of good intentions. It may not necessarily be the smart way to do it. However, I can understand the thought behind it.

What chaps my hide is when teachers at school, especially the male teachers, advise you to “toughen up.”

And the reason they tell you this is that they don’t want to get involved. So they put it all on you. By saying this, they’re shifting the blame onto you. And they’re trying to shame you into staying silent.

However, they don’t realize that by telling you to toughen up, they’re asking for things to escalate. How? You may ask.

Imparting this advice to victims gives them a green light to tell bullies to shove it up their you-know-where. Or, they take it as permission to haul off and knock the bully’s block off.

Not that it’s a bad thing because, in my opinion, bullies deserve a good whack in the nose. However, the problem is that when victims finally do “toughen up,” the same teachers will turn around and punish them for it.

Embrace the Suck:

Today, Bullied Kids Finally Have an Option.

The School Choice Program

Thankfully, you have the school choice program today.

Understand that if you’re a child dealing with bullying, you don’t have to just “embrace the suck.” There’s always School Choice.

Nowadays, families can apply for vouchers that allow them to transfer their child to a new school. These vouchers have saved countless victims from years of peer abuse.

However, if, by chance, School Choice isn’t an option where you live, there are things you can still do:

  • document the bullying and have your parent or legal guardian help you with your documentation.
  • Also, depending on the jurisdiction you live in, hide a body cam or digital device in your backpack or on your person.
  • Thirdly, practice self-care.

And keep the faith. School Choice may not be available in your area now, but it doesn’t mean it won’t be later. You are not powerless. Do the three things above because they are within your control.

When you document and record the bullying and practice self-care, you won’t only change the dynamic. You’ll also feel better knowing that you have, at least, some control.

This post taught you what it’s like to embrace the suck so that you can feel less alone and be encouraged not to give up.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Leaving Town to Escape Bullying: 7 Reasons it’s a Good Idea

2.  School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

3. When Victims of Bullying Change Schools: 12 Things to Expect

4. How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

5. How to Stop Being Bullied: 14 Tips to Make Yourself Less a Target

alone vs lonely reddit

Alone vs Lonely: 4 Powerful Differences

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Alone vs lonely – do you know the difference? Here are all the differences between the two so you can distinguish between them.

alone vs lonely

Photo from Getty Images

Alone vs Lonely. What’s the difference?

Too many people think that being alone means that you’re lonely. However, the two are different. In this post, you will learn the differences between being alone and being lonely so that it no longer confuses you.

Once you learn these differences, you will feel better about being alone. You may even begin enjoying it.

The title of this post is alone vs lonely. It is about how they differ, so you’ll feel much better about solitude and know what to do whenever you feel lonely.

Alone vs Lonely

How do you tell the difference between being alone and being lonely? Here’s how.

1. Being Alone is Physical. Being Lonely is a feeling.

Being alone means being in solitude- being by yourself. When you’re alone, you’re without the company of others.

Being lonely, on the other hand, means feeling abandoned. When you’re lonely, you’re sad because you feel isolated and alienated from others.

Therefore, being alone isn’t a bad thing. It can actually be healthy.

2. You can be happy when you’re alone. You can’t when you’re lonely.

Alone is a state of being. Whereas loneliness is a state of mind – an emotion. You can be in a room full of people, and though you may not be alone, you can still be lonely.

It’s not about the number of people around you; it’s about how they make you feel. Therefore, when you’re alone, you can be happy. When you’re lonely, you can’t.

Alone vs Lonely:

3. Being alone can be healthy. Being lonely is not.

Being alone can be beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption. It makes concentration much easier.

So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!

Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book. On the other hand, feeling lonely is that dull ache in your chest after you’ve lost a family member.

You can also experience feelings of loneliness after those you thought were your friends discard you. Again, being alone is a physical state. Loneliness is an emotion.

4. You shouldn’t fear being alone. But you should fear loneliness.

Many people are afraid to be alone. But why? Here are 3 reasons aloneness is nothing to be afraid of.

If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you won’t be afraid to let go of toxic people. But if you’re lonely, you’ll likely hang onto them.

“If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you’ll have the courage to walk away from relationships that are bad for you.”

– Cherie White –

I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make you vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people only makes it worse.

So, wouldn’t you rather be by yourself than keep company with spiteful people? I would! You’re much better off.

This may be a hard thing to do. But sometimes, you need to weed out all the negative people and make room for the positive ones.

Alone vs Lonely:
Here’s a list of people to get rid of.
  • Those who use you.
  • Those who abuse you.
  • People who are ungrateful for the things you do for them.
  • The whiners and complainers.
  • Drama kings and queens.
  • Gossips.
  • Boundary-pushers.
  • Those who are clingy.
  • Power-players.
  • People who don’t see your worth.

When YOU don’t fear being alone, You’ll be more selective of your friends. On the other hand, if you’re lonely, you’ll choose anyone. And I mean, anyone!

It pays to be choosy about those you let into your life. Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. But keep those who love and respect you. Select those who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.

Not everyone who smiles at you is in your corner. Human predators always smile when they’re looking for victims.

Therefore, when you don’t let aloneness bother you, it’s much easier to cut ties with toxic people. You don’t mind saying goodbye to fake friendships and relationships that hinder you.

Therefore, stop being scared of solitude. If someone isn’t treating you like you deserve to be treated, let them go. And do it even if it seems you have no other options at the moment.

For positive change to happen, you must do things that don’t feel comfortable. Letting go of people can be downright scary. But trust me. You must do it if you want a positive change to happen.

Remember that positive changes require risks. But those risks will be worth it in the end.

Alone vs Lonely:

Solitude is Good for you. Loneliness is not.

We all need a little space. Sadly, many targets of bullying are afraid of being by themselves. Why? Because they’re under the misguided belief that if you spend even a day by yourself, it means that there is something wrong with you. But there isn’t.

Being alone isn’t always a bad thing. Solitude can be good for you. We all need that “me-time.” You need that time to yourself to chill and recharge.

Trust me, I know what it’s like to never get any time to myself. Having someone under your butt sucks, and it can drive you up the wall.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy other people’s company just as much as the next person. But I can’t handle it when it’s never-ending.

I need my quiet time. I enjoy the me-time I get while my husband is away at work. The house is quiet, and I can get some ideas flowing. Then, I can get some writing done.

On the days I don’t write, I can boogie down to some good loud music while doing my housework. Or, I can go for a walk on a beautiful day.

For me, there’s nothing like sweet solitude!

So, don’t be afraid to be alone. Embrace it! You’ll be surprised at how refreshed you feel after you’ve had your private time.

Alone Vs Lonely:

How to beat loneliness.

If you ever feel lonely, there are things you can do to feel less so. Here’s what you can do.

1. Concentrate on your hobbies.

Do something you enjoy, preferably something that requires a little concentration and takes some time. For instance, I go to my writing. And if I’m alone or bored, and the house is quiet, I can easily shut out the rest of the world and get “in the zone.”

And once I’m in the zone, time passes quickly. And I can get so much work done. And, to tell you the truth, I love it!

When you make a project out of a hobby, it doesn’t seem like work. It’s something you enjoy. Also, it’s something that you are passionate about.

At the same time, it’s something you want to make as perfect as possible. Therefore, you’ll work on it and complete it, no matter how long it takes.

Therefore, when you’re working on a project that you love, you don’t have time to be lonely.

2. Get up and move.

Exercise works wonders, producing endorphins that make you feel good. Dancing to some good music is a great picker-upper!

I can attest to this because when my husband leaves, I turn on some good music. It’s the only time I get to play it because Mike is a TV person. I’m not.

Dancing makes me feel free. So, I do it as much as I can. Therefore, move as much as possible. It will drive away the blues.

Alone vs Lonely:

3. Do a home-improvement project.

Clean out your garage or closets. I try to declutter every fall during my Fall cleaning. Getting rid of junk I don’t use just makes me feel better.

I have found that my mind runs much more clearly when there isn’t a bunch of junk in the house. You see? When you get rid of the crap, you also declutter your mind.

I was bullied for six long years in school. So, I was no stranger to feelings of loneliness. However, I also had hobbies that distracted me from a lot of it.

My writing and art projects at home were one of the ways I survived those years. They made things a lot more bearable.

And when I’d finish a project, I’d get that feeling of accomplishment that would always supersede any sense of abandonment I felt!

Music was another hobby that helped me. When I’d dance in my room, it seemed that all my cares would disappear. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling these things gave me.

I may not have had control over how my classmates treated me at school. But I did have control over how I spent my free time. And I chose not to spend it feeling sorry for myself.

Instead, I spent it doing what I loved. And it helped me tremendously. Never fear being alone. Embrace it. Because it doesn’t mean you’re lonely.

Bullies may think that you are when they see you by yourself. But it only goes to show you the very thing they fear the most. Being alone.

Alone vs Lonely:

In Conclusion

Again, most people believe that being alone is bad, but it isn’t. It’s healthy. Why? Because it helps you to rest and recharge.

Here’s a quick recap of all the main points in this post.

  • Being alone is physical. Being lonely is a feeling.
  • You can be happy when you’re alone. You can’t when you’re lonely.
  • Being alone can be healthy. Being lonely is not.
  • You shouldn’t fear being alone. But you should fear loneliness.

Why you Shouldn’t fear Being Alone and Why You Should Fear Loneliness.

  • If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you won’t be afraid to let go of toxic people. But if you’re lonely, you’ll likely hang on to them.
  • When you don’t fear being alone, you’ll be more selective of your friends. If you’re lonely, you’ll choose anyone.
  • Solitude is good for you. Loneliness is not.

How to Beat Loneliness.

  • Concentrate on your hobbies.
  • Get up and move.
  • Do a home-improvement project.

The title of this post was alone vs loneliness. In it, you learned the differences between them and what to do to get rid of loneliness so that you can be confident and boost your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Real Friends vs Fake Friends

2.  Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

3. The Perfect Victim: 9 Traits Bullies Look for in Potential Targets

4. Walking Away from Fake Friends

better to be hated than pitied psychology

‘Better to be Hated than Pitied: Here’s Why

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Want to know why it’s better to be hated than pitied? Here, you will find out why you should welcome your bullies’ hatred but reject others’ pity.

better to be hated than pitied

Photos by David Stanciu’s Images and ivosevicv from Getty Images Signature

It really is better to be hated than pitied. Targets catch hate, but victims get pity. Therefore, in this post, you will learn why hate is better than pity.

Once you learn this powerful life lesson, you won’t take it so personally when others hate you.

This post is all about why it’s better to be hated than pitied so that you can find the silver lining when bullies direct their hatred toward you.

Better to Be Hated Than Pitied

Not all targets want your pity. However, some victims actually want others to feel sorry for them. And some are infected with self-pity. But why?

Some people want pity because it makes them feel cared for. Some victims of bullying mistakenly think that if they can get people to feel sorry for them, they can, at least, avoid their hostility.

In other words, they think that pity will keep bullies from bullying them.

However, this usually backfires in the long run. Those who pity you may put off their cruelty for the moment, but it always comes back later.

And they don’t realize that, by begging for pity, they only make themselves look more inferior. Here are all the reasons pity is worse than hate.

Now, many confuse pity with compassion. But it’s different.

Compassion is feeling genuinely sorry that another person is suffering. Moreover, it’s offering to be there for them and provide anything they need during their dark time.

Pity, on the other hand, is condescending. It doesn’t offer help to someone who’s suffering. It’s looking down on them and feeling superior.

1. Those who hate you know that you’re powerful. Those who pity you think you’re powerless.

Ever since the dawn of time, people have always hated the powerful. And the reason is that they feel inferior to them.

No one likes to feel inferior. Therefore, they will despise anyone who makes them feel that way. It doesn’t matter whether the stronger person means to or not.

Better To Be Hated Than Pitied:

2. Hate comes from a place of equality. Pity comes from a place of superiority.

When people hate you, they consider you to be a formidable enemy. And they do it whether they know it or not. Put another way, they see you as an equal.

On the other hand, when they pity you, they place themselves above you. They look down on you from their high place.

And they’re just damn glad they aren’t in your shoes. In fact, they’re thanking the heavens above that they’re not you!

This is how bystanders feel when they see you getting bullied to death. And it’s why they won’t help you. All they can think is, “Damn, I’m glad I’m not the one taking shit from people every day!”

‘You see? Schadenfreude is real. And others get a tiny amount of joy watching you suffer. Why? Again, seeing you suffer makes them feel like they’re better off.

I want you to know with every fiber of your being that you’re inferior to no one! You have more power than you know. Therefore, you can change your situation. You just need to believe you can.

Better to Be Hated Than Pitied:

3. targets attract hate, victims attract pity.

Are you a target or a victim? Believe it or not, being a victim has a lot to do with mindset. And words have enormous power.

If you think you’re a target, you’re right. However, if you think you’re a victim, you’re also right. Victims surrender, but targets keep fighting.

 When you see yourself as a target and refuse to become a victim, you refuse to allow others to take control over your life.

Therefore, you keep fighting. You stand up for yourself. You may get knocked down, but you don’t stay down. Therefore, you always get back up again.

And most people will hate you for that. Bullies will hate you because they can’t control you. But if you’re a victim, others will continue to walk on you because they’ll feel superior.

Words have enormous power. Therefore, stop seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, look at yourself as a target. Why?

Because being a target is much more empowering than being a victim.

4. When others hate you, It means you’re a threat. When others pity you, It means you’re helpless.

Others pity you because they think you’re powerless. As far as they’re concerned, there’s nothing you can do to better your situation. And when you’re helpless, you’re least likely to try.

Helplessness means that, no matter how hard you try, your situation will remain the same. So, you’ll see no point in putting in the effort to bring about change.

People pity you because you’re at the mercy of someone else. In other words, someone else has to rescue you.

However, when others hate you, it’s because you challenge them. You can stand on your own two feet. And, more importantly, you won’t let others walk over you.

Therefore, you will get a truckload of hate from people who can’t control you or compete with you.

Better to Be Hated Than Pitied:

5. Hatred makes you want to fight back. Pity makes you want to give up.

Winners never quit, and losers never win. That’s because losers give up too easily. They quit any time the waters get rough.

But smooth waters don’t make strong sailors. Enduring hatred isn’t easy. However, their hate can motivate you if you let it.

And it does with many. Hate can light a fire under your ass. It can push you to succeed and become a better version of yourself.

Catching hate from others has driven many to exceptionalism! Therefore, let their meanness make you better, not bitter.

6. With Hatred comes a degree of respect, even if it’s a small one. With Pity comes disrespect.

When others hate you, it can be frightening. Don’t get me wrong. However, when you’re hated, you still have dignity. But when you’re pitied, you have none whatsoever!

People pity you when you don’t stand up for yourself. When you capitulate, no one respects you.  However, when you don’t give in to fear, people will hate you.

But again, they’ll only do it because they can’t control you. Others may attack you regularly, but you refuse to back down. You stand up for yourself no matter what it costs you.

Again, this attracts a boatload of hatred from those who wish to control you.

Better to Be Hated Than Pitied:

7. Hatred means you’re strong. Pity means you’re weak.

Realize that your bullies’ goal is to control you. And if you see yourself as a victim, you weaken yourself. Thus, you play right into their hands.

When people hate you, it’s usually because you are defiant. You’re nobody’s bitch, and they know it. Remember that bullies are cowards.

They want easy victims, not warriors who will bury them where they fall. And if they can’t subdue you, they will hate the very day you were born.

8. Hatred can be a compliment. Pity, on the other hand, is an insult.

Most people will hate you for your strengths, not your weaknesses. Why? Because it is your strengths that threaten them. But your weaknesses are conveniences to them.

Therefore, consider their hatred as a compliment. Why? Because it is.

On the other hand, pity is an insult. Why? As I mentioned earlier in this post, pity comes from a sense of superiority. When others pity you, they look down on you.

They like the feeling of being better off than someone else. In short, they get an ego boost from your suffering.

So, don’t accept pity from anyone.

Better to be Hated Than Pitied:

9. Hatred comes from Humility. pity comes from Ego.

Those who hate you have a degree of humility. Why? Because hate usually comes from competition, jealousy, and a sense of inferiority. I’ve found that most people hate you because they’re not you.

But those who pity you would never want to be you. They know they’re better off than you. Therefore, they feel superior to you. When someone pities you, you can bet they do it because they have a puffed-up ego.

In Conclusion

Receiving hate is difficult, don’t get me wrong. But getting pity is downright gross! The strong are hated. But the weak are pitied. Now you know why I always advise you not to hate your bullies.

Others may hate you for several reasons. Maybe you see through them, and they know it. They hate you because you see them for the cowards they are.

You know that they’re full of shit. And they know that you know it. People despise anyone who can see through their facades. So, they unleash their hatred onto you to cover their ass.

Those who want to control your life will hate you because you won’t take any crap from them. You won’t let them manipulate you.

However, those who pity you think that you’re weak. They think they’re better than you. Therefore, they look down from their Ivory Tower and thank the Lord above that they aren’t walking in your shoes.

And they consider themselves damn lucky not to be you. Hate brings a degree of dignity. Pity only brings disgrace.

So, let them hate you. And love yourself despite it.

This post is all about the reasons it’s better to be hated than pity so that you won’t mistake pity for care.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Don’t Hate Your Bullies, Feel Sorry for Them

2. Wallowing in Self-Pity: 7 Good Reasons to Stop Doing It

3. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

4.  Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

bullying behavior examples

Bullying Behavior: 9 Behaviors in Bullies

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Want to know what the hallmarks of bullying behavior are? Here are all the characteristics you need to know.

bullying behavior

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Bullying behavior is hurtful and can cause a lifetime of damage. In this post, you will learn all the hallmarks of bullying so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Once you learn about these hallmarks, you will be better able to defend yourself because you will know what it looks like.

In this post, you will learn all types of bullying behavior so that you can stand up to it with confidence.

Bullying Behavior

Here are several hallmarks of bullying behavior. Some of them, we don’t consider often. But we need to.

1. Searching for flaws.

Bullies may not have anything on you. Therefore, they must search for dirt. And they must look hard for something to get angry at you about.

Bullies are on a constant hunt for things that are possibly wrong with you, and believe me. They’re like hounds sniffing a trail.

They will hunt for anything, no matter how tiny the flaw. Then, when they find it, they will blow it up and make a big deal of it.

So, understand that bullies are always on the prowl for dirt, controversy, and scandal. And if they can’t find anything, they will invent something.

So, here’s something you should know. If your bullies have to look for dirt, you did nothing to get on their “shadar.”

It’s not about them being angry, offended, or bothered by you. What it is about is power. And nothing else.

Bullying Behavior:

2. Barking Orders

When bullies order you around, they deny your equality and autonomy. Instead of respectfully asking for what they want, they bark off orders as if you’re a subordinate.

This is how bullies claim ownership of you. And they don’t have to be bosses or superiors to do it. Therefore, realize that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers, or your parents.

And if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks off an order, it’s as simple as saying, “I don’t take orders from you.”

The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy and keep feeling good about yourself.

3. Putting you down to feel better about themselves.

They may call you names to your face. Or, they may say bad things to others behind your back. However they do it, your bullies need to feel superior.

Therefore, they’ll tear you down to build themselves up.

Bullying Behavior:

4. Acting Superior.

Again, bullies never build up; they tear down. They do not create or restore, they destroy. And they don’t add to anything, but they subtract from everything.

When bullies act superior, they may stand near you with their heads up, looking down on you. They may also talk down to you like a child.

However, understand that they do this to make themselves look and feel superior. They also do it to conceal their own jealousy and insecurity.

Moreover, they may do it to hide low self-esteem. Many people do it because they feel inferior to you. Therefore, they need to drag you down to their level.

You owe it to yourself to learn and see what’s behind the mask of superiority. You must see through the facades that bullies put up.

And once you do, it will no longer bother you when people look down on you. In fact, you might even see the hilarity in your bullies’ collective fakery. And you’ll give them a scoff and a horselaugh as you walk past them.

Now that’s the way to take the wind right out of their sails! So, allow yourself a few chuckles. Why? Because, at the end of the day, these people really are quite entertaining- and pathetic.

Bullying Behavior:

5. Violating your boundaries.

Bullies think they are entitled. Therefore, they wipe their feet on you like a rug. So, how do they step on your boundaries? Several ways.

Ignoring you when you tell them “no.”

For example, a school bully may ask you to let them cheat off you during an upcoming exam. Because of the way they’ve treated you in the past, you give them a hard “no.”

However, instead of letting it go, they keep pushing the issue. They may try to lay guilt trips on you. Or they may threaten you. Whatever their reaction, they clearly don’t take no for an answer and keep hounding you.

Know that you have the right to say no when you don’t want to do something. Therefore, the person is violating your boundaries by repeatedly trying to change your mind.

Invading your personal space.

Your bully may stand a little too close to you. Or, they might tower over you while you’re sitting in a chair.

They may also resort to unwanted touching. For instance, your bullies may poke you in the chest as they’re shouting at you. Or they may give you a hard slap on the back as they deliver a backhanded compliment.

Male bullies may also commit sexual harassment against their female victims. They may grope her breasts or privates. Or they may touch her hair. If she tells them to stop, they’ll only continue to touch her without her consent.

Bullies may also block the door to keep you from leaving. Or they may block your path when you try to walk away. They may even reach out and pull you back.

Bullying Behavior:

Invading your privacy.

Bullies are notorious snoops. Why? Because they think they’re entitled to know the most intimate parts of your life.

For example, your bullies may snoop through your office after you’ve gone home for the day. They may even nose through your purse or mail.

They may also intrude by asking personal questions about your finances or your love life. And they may eavesdrop on your private conversations. In worst-case scenarios, they may peek through your windows while you’re undressing.

Emotional Abuse.

Bullies may gaslight you. They may also guilt-trip you for setting boundaries. Or they may give you the silent treatment after you tell them no.

They may also criticize you constantly or give you advice you didn’t ask for.

Bullying Behavior:

Interrupting you when you speak.

Bullies may talk over you. Or, they may butt into your conversations with your friends. But you must understand the reason they do this.

These kinds of people are all about power and control. Therefore, they use this tactic to dominate your conversations. Moreover, they may do it to silence you when you speak out about their abuse.

You see? The one thing bullies are afraid of is you reporting them or telling others about the way they treat you. Therefore, they try to shut you down every time you open your mouth. And they do it just in case you tell them off.

They may tell you to shut up or be quiet when you’re about to talk. My classmates pulled the same tactic on me, and this is why.

6. Leaving you emotionally exhausted.

Bullies have ways of sucking the life out of you. How? Through constant harassment, they keep you under stress. In fact, they put you on a never-ending alert.

Because of this, you eventually become exhausted. Therefore, if someone drains your energy, get away from them. Fast!

7. Getting offended easily.

Bullies are the easiest to offend. This is because they hide a lot of insecurity and shame. Therefore, they have a desperate need to control others’ opinions of them.

Moreover, they are constantly searching for something to fight about. These types of people are all about drama. If they can’t find something to yell at you about, they will invent it.

Bullying Behavior:

8. Extreme Jealousy

It doesn’t take much to make bullies jealous. Therefore, if you’re confident, successful, and well-liked, it will trigger their insecurities. And they will make you pay for it.

You see? Bullies despise anyone who appears a little luckier than they are. And if that person is someone they deem inferior, then look out! Because they will rain hell down on you.

9. Aggression.

Bullies use aggression to get what they want. They may use relational aggression, verbal or physical. To control you and get you to do what they want, bullies may start with verbal aggression.

However, if that doesn’t work, they may escalate to physical. Inflicting bodily harm is usually a last resort when nothing else has worked.

How to stand up to Bullying Behavior

When your bullies have to look for dirt, smile. Because if they must search, that means they have nothing on you. If they make something up, laugh. Reframe it by knowing that it isn’t true. And look at them with ridicule.

If they bark orders, don’t budge. Look at them like they’ve lost their mind and keep doing what you were doing.

If they put you down, calmly say something like, “It must really suck having to bring someone else down to feel better.” Point that out, and you’ve already won.

If they act superior to you, the best thing to do is mirror the behavior. For instance, if they look down on you, return the sentiment.

If they don’t take no for an answer, repeat your no, then walk away. If they invade your personal space, call them out on it. And if they invade your privacy, call that out too.

Don’t respond to emotional abuse. Instead, see it for what it is and what your bullies are trying to do. Just scoff at them and walk away.

If they interrupt you while you’re talking, give them a hard look and tell them, “Excuse me, I’m speaking. You can talk when I’m done.”

Have nothing to do with those who leave you exhausted. You’ll feel the bad energy they put out. Therefore, it’s best to avoid those who drain you.

If they get offended, that’s not your problem. Therefore, don’t let it bother you. And if they’re jealous. Again, their problem, not yours. Let them seethe and keep doing your thing.

If they use verbal aggression, put your hand up and don’t let it bother you. Walk away. But if they use physical aggression, you have every right to defend yourself. So, do so.

If they get in your face or touch you, haul off and knock the hell out of them.

Bullying Behavior:

In Conclusion

Here’s a quick recap of bullying behavior.

  • Searching for flaws.
  • Barking orders.
  • Putting you down to feel better about themselves.
  • Acting superior.
  • Violating your boundaries
  • Leaving you emotionally exhausted.
  • Getting offended easily.
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Aggression.

This post was all about bullying behavior, what it looks like, and how to stand up to it so that you can continue feeling confident and standing strong.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. Jealousy-Driven Bullying: 4 Signs They Bully You Because of Envy

Emotional Bullying: 7 Ways to Protect Your Self-Esteem

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Want to know good ways to protect your self-esteem from emotional bullying? Here are all the tips you need to know.

emotional bullying

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Emotional bullying isn’t as visible as physical bullying. However, it can still wreck your self-esteem.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to protect yourself so that you can protect your precious mental health and continue being the best version of yourself.

Once you learn all these crucial mind hacks and defensive maneuvers, you will be able to blow your bullies off with confidence.

This post is all about emotional bullying, so that you’ll know what it looks like and do the right things to protect your emotional health.

Emotional bullying

Imagine you’re an apple. You get dropped on the floor several times. Not hard, but dropped. On the outside, others won’t see the damage.

But cut the apple in half, and you see all the bruising. That’s what this kind of abuse does. It injures you on the inside.

In other words, you may look fine on the outside, but on the inside, you’re wrecked. Emotional bullying harms your confidence and self-esteem. It totally destroys your self-worth.

When bullies resort to emotional bullying, here are the tactics they use.

  • Smear campaigns to isolate you and prevent you from having friends.
  • Gaslighting to discourage you from speaking out or defending yourself.
  • Blaming you for every problem, regardless of whether you had anything to do with it.
  • Public humiliation to undermine your intelligence, credibility, or value.
  • Name-calling.
  • Exclusion.
  • The silent treatment.

Here’s how to protect yourself from emotional bullying.

Protecting yourself emotionally depends on how you look at your bullies’ attacks.

1. Reframe the attacks.

Reframing means to look at something from a different point of view. Here are a few scenarios.

You lose friends because of bullying.

If your bullies lie about you and cause you to lose friends, it may hurt. And it may hurt like hell. I won’t kid you. However, you can look at it like this. They were never your friends to begin with.

You see? When your friends believe your bullies and turn their backs on you, they’re revealing themselves. They’re showing you who they really are. They’re basically telling you that they never thought much of you in the first place.

Fake friends will turn and flee when the temperature rises. But true friends will walk through the fire with you.

True friends won’t be swayed by your bullies’ rhetoric. They will have your back no matter what. And they will stand beside you under the worst kinds of pressure.

So, let the cowards go. I know it hurts. But when someone shows you what kind of person they are, believe them.

2. Make friends on the outside. 

If you’re being bullied at school, make friends with kids who do not attend your school. If people bully you at work, make friends, and forge relationships with those outside your place of work.

This may not be as convenient. However, you would be amazed at what it can do for your self-esteem. Getting support somewhere else beats not having any at all.

Emotional Bullying:

3. Realize that your peers aren’t the most important people in your life.

In other words, they’re not the only people in the world. There’s a big, wide world outside the toxic environment.

They aren’t the only people who’ve ever known you. And they won’t be the only ones who will know you in the future. They’re just the only group of people whose views of you are based on lies and false information.

Therefore, realize that these people should matter the least to you. Your friends and positive relationships are outside that toxic environment. And more positive relationships will come your way. I promise you!

Here’s how to forge new relationships outside the environment.

Join clubs and interest groups.

For instance, if you’re into music, join a music club. If you’re into numbers, join a math club. If you’re into motorcycles, join a biker group. And no, I don’t mean groups like The Hell’s Angels. There are healthy bike clubs you can join.

Take a Class.

Taking classes not only improves your intellect, but it also gives you great opportunities to make friends. Therefore, if there’s a class you’ve been thinking about taking to improve yourself, do it.

Join a church.

You should go to church to worship. That much is true. However, there are many added benefits to it. One of those advantages is the chance to make new friends who will support you.

Emotional Bullying:

Join a Scout troop.

If you’re a kid who is bullied in school, you may be hated by your classmates. But you can join a scout troop and be loved by all the kids there.

Here’s Something to keep in mind.

Just don’t tell anyone what you’re going through at school or at work. Not at first. Give them time to get to know you.

The only places you should talk about what you’re going through are religious and therapy groups. Feel everyone out first.

You’re not trying to find a place to dump all your problems. You’re trying to find one where you’re valued and respected.

4. Fake it If you have to.

In other words, don’t give your bullies the satisfaction. Appear calm and confident even when you feel like you’re about to fall apart. Only talk honestly with your most trusted people.

5. Don’t vent or gossip.

It will only make you feel worse in the end. Also, it will only make you look as bad as your bullies. And, you’ll look unstable.

Distance yourself from your bullies. They may notice it and accuse you of being stuck up or standoffish. But what they think shouldn’t matter because your focus is self-care. And self-care is of the utmost importance when you’re a target of bullying.

And what you want is to take the sting out of the bullying you suffer.

Emotional Bullying:

6. Define Yourself.

You must define yourself, or others will do it for you. Never allow your bullies to define who you are.

Understand that your bullies may think they know you. They may attempt to define who you are. However, only you know what you are.

When bullies have the audacity to tell you who you are, they try to play God. They want to drag you into their world of make-believe.

Moreover, they want to force you to replace your thoughts of yourself with theirs. But know this. To accept others’ definition of you, you must discard your own.

Don’t let your bullies do that. Hold on to your self-belief. Refuse to let bad eggs make you feel rotten.

7. When bullies talk about you, Use reverse psychology.

Bullies will always have something negative to say. And you do not need their approval. So instead of thinking there is something wrong with you, why not look at it this way?

When bullies talk badly about you, here are several ways you can look at it.

  • They make you relevant.
  • It means you get to live in their heads rent-free.
  • You must be doing something right.
  • It means you aren’t boring.
  • You control them, they don’t control you.
  • You have the power to stir them up without trying to.
  • They wish they could be you.
  • They can’t control their own lives, so they want to control yours.
  • It means they’re obsessed with you.

This should make you feel good, not bad. So, let them talk. Why? Because some things don’t need a defense.

Just sit back, smile, and let their pettiness amuse you rather than hurt you. Don’t let your bullies get into your head.

Your mind is yours. Keep it that way.

Emotional Bullying:

In Conclusion

Protecting yourself from emotional bullying means loving yourself even if others don’t love you back. Continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity, and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it from hitting rock bottom.

Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you can snatch them back. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them kill it.

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by. Here’s a quick recap on how to protect yourself from emotional bullying:

  • Reframe the attacks.
  • Make friends on the outside.
  • Realize that your peers aren’t the most important people in your life.
  • Fake confidence if you must.
  • Don’t vent or gossip.
  • Define yourself.
  • Use reverse psychology.

This post is all about Emotional bullying so that you can recognize it and know how to defend yourself against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

2.  Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Jealousy-Driven Bullying: 4 Signs They Bully You Because of Envy

4. When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

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25 Gaslighting Phrases Bullies Use to Dominate and Control You

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Want to know 25 gaslighting phrases bullies use to control you? Here are the twenty-five most common manipulative statements you need to know.

25 gaslighting phrases

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It’s funny how protecting yourself from bullies can be twisted into over-sensitivity, paranoia, vindictiveness, or vengefulness. But that’s exactly what bullies, or, in this case, gaslighters, are good for.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn 25 gaslighting phrases bullies use to control you. Once you learn all these phrases, you will be ready to respond confidently the next time a bully tries to gaslight you.

This post will give you 25 Gaslighting phrases you need to know to prepare you, so you can respond to gaslighters calmly and effectively.

25 Gaslighting Phrases

When bullying progresses to a point where you have to wear a body camera to work or school, that’s when you know without a doubt you’re being gaslighted. So, it’s most important that you trust those feelings.

And sometimes, things get so out of control that you may need to wear a body camera. And when you do, make sure you catch it raw and unfiltered.

Also, be sure no one, not even your best friend, knows you’re wearing it. Why? Because if anyone finds out, you risk retaliation. Moreover, they may destroy your evidence.

But realize that once the evidence is out, whether it comes out in court, your bullies will realize they’ve been busted. Then, they will continue to gaslight you, especially to others. They’ll accuse you of being sneaky, shady, scandalous, or unstable.

However, to catch gaslighting early on, before you ever have to wear a body camera, you must know as many gaslighting phrases as possible. Here are the 25 most common.

1. “You’re too sensitive.”

Bullies tell you this to make you feel like a wimp. They know that if they can make you look like a crybaby, they can shame you into shutting up.

Moreover, they can take the spotlight off their behavior and shine it on your reaction to it. And sadly, it works like a charm.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

2. “You’re making something out of nothing.”

This phrase has the same goal as the first one. Bullies use your reaction to their abuse to cover up their behavior that provoked it.

If they can make your reaction seem over the top, they can shift the negative attention to you. Moreover, they can shut you up.

3. “I never said that.”

Bullies gaslight you with this statement to make you look dishonest. When they deny something they know they said, those who didn’t hear might look at you as if you’re telling lies about them.

Therefore, denials are meant to make you out to be a liar.

4. “Are you sure you’re remembering things correctly?”

This is a big one here. Bullies will often question your memory of events. However, it isn’t because they wonder if you’re having trouble with it.

Bullies know good and well that you can remember just fine. But they’re trying to make those around you think you have a poor memory.

You see? If others doubt your memory, you come across as not knowing what you’re talking about. And the bully looks innocent.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

5. “I’m not angry. If I were angry, you’d know it.”

Like some of the other phrases, this one does several things at once. It helps them avoid accountability and shuts you down by making you look dramatic. It’s also meant to intimidate you.

Think about the last part of that phrase. “If I were angry, you’d know it.”  They’re saying that what they did was tame compared to what they could do to you. So, you’d better watch out.

6. “It’s your fault.”

When someone gaslights you with this, they’re justifying their behavior. And they’re doing it by claiming that you did something to provoke it.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

7. “You bring it all on yourself.”

Just like the last phrase, this one says that their abuse is your fault. In other words, they blame you for their bad behavior.

Moreover, they imply that you deserve it, so you should just stand there and take it. Why

8. “If you hadn’t done this then I wouldn’t have done that.”

Same thing, different words. This phrase takes the blame off the bully and shifts it over to you. In other words, the bully is blaming you for their behavior. And you should take it because you deserve it.

This is how so many bullies get away with abuse.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

9. “You made me do it.”

This is a classic gaslighting phrase. “You made me hit you!” Again, this implies that you did something to provoke the behavior.

10. “You’re out of your mind.”

Bullies use this phrase to make you look unstable. And it works. Why? Because who’s going to take you seriously if you have a mental health issue?

11. “You’re mentally unstable.”

Same thing, different wording. However, most bullies tell you that you’re “crayzeee!” They don’t use the term “mentally unstable.”

12. “Nobody’s ever going to love you.”

Abusive partners gaslight you with this to discourage you from leaving them. However, if you’re currently enduring domestic abuse, your partner doesn’t love you.

He just wants to control you.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

13. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”

Ha! Bullying partners love throwing this phrase around. They use this to blame you for their abuse. Moreover, they make themselves look like the victim.

By doing this, they make you feel guilty for defending yourself. And they make others believe that you are the cause of their behavior.

14. “This is why nobody likes you.”

Bullies at school use this gaslighting phrase all the time. This is another way of blaming you for the rotten things they do to you.

Moreover, they want to take your lack of friendship and rub it in your face.

15. “You’re being petty.”

In other words, they’re telling you that you’re being small-minded. It’s another form of victim-blaming.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

16. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

In other words, they’re saying that you’re making it bigger than what it is. It’s their way of trivializing what they did and making your reaction to it seem over the top.

Don’t fall for it!

17. “You can’t take a joke.”

People use this statement when you stand up to cruel jokes. Therefore, when a bully gaslights you with this, you can respond with, “Jokes are supposed to be funny.”

18. “You’re insecure.”

This isn’t only victim-blaming; it’s projection. The bullies are the insecure ones. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel the need to mistreat others.

19. “You’re jealous of me.”

Bullies use this phrase when you call them out on their behavior. “You’re just saying that because you’re jealous of my life.”

Right! What they’re really doing is trying to take the attention away from their evil deeds. Moreover, they’re trying to make you look inferior.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

20. “It’s all in your mind.”

Bullies use this phrase a lot. And they do it to make themselves look innocent. By claiming that you’re only imagining their abuse, they make you look like a drama queen.

No one listens to drama queens except people who are just like them. And bullies know it.

21. “It’s just your imagination.”

Same message, different words. Bullies look innocent when their abuse is made to look imagined. Therefore, they make you look like you have paranoia.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

22. “If you love me, you’ll do this.”

This is how women get duped into having sex before they’re ready. Manipulative and abusive partners and dates use this phrase to get what they want.

And they do it all the time.

23. “You’re not perfect either.”

This phrase isn’t as potent as the others. In fact, it’s pretty weak. But bullies still use it. I can tell you that I’ve had them use it on me. The good news is that it’s easy to blow off.

Why? Because no one is perfect. And you know that.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

24. “It’s all in your head.”

This is number 20 and 21 repackaged. Bullies use this statement to make it look as if you’re imagining their abuse.

25. “I’m doing this for your own good.”

Bullies and people in power use them to guilt you into doing something that will be harmful to yourself. And they play on your empathy and love for humanity to do it.

The best way to combat this is to see these two phrases as sure signs of manipulation. And follow your instincts.

Moreover, question their motives. Try to figure out what would be in it for them if you complied. Also, think of what could go wrong if you complied.

Also beware the phrases “for the greater good” or “for the good of humanity.”

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

In Conclusion

Gaslighting happens everywhere – at home, at work, at school, everywhere. Realize that no matter how you do it, you absolutely must protect yourself. Doing so requires that you know gaslighting when you hear it or see it.

It also requires that you maintain your sense of self. And you must set boundaries. If you did not provoke these bullies, stand strong.

And never let them twist the facts and accuse you.

This post gave you a list of the 25 Gaslighting PHRASES You’ll likely hear when you’re being bullied so that you’ll be ready to defend yourself the next time it happens.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

2.  Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways It Impacts Victims

5. How to Avoid Being Gaslighted: 5 Easy Tips to Protect Yourself

6. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

bullying myths and facts quiz

Bullying Myths and Facts

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Want to know all the bullying myths and facts? Here are all the truths and lies about bullying that you need to know.

bullying myths and facts

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Sadly, many people still believe myths about bullying, bullies, and victims. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about bullying myths and facts so you can tell the truth from the lies.

Once you learn all these points, you will be able to stand up to bullying with confidence when someone gaslights you with one of these myths.

This post is all about bullying myths and facts, so you can debunk them with confidence and protect your self-esteem.

Bullying myths and Facts

Here are all the myths.

1. Victims are weak.

Fact: Wrong! Too many people think that victims of bullying are weak. They aren’t. Victims of bullying may have vulnerabilities. But they aren’t weak.

It’s the bullies who are weak. And it shows in how they pick their victims. Bullies never randomly choose their targets. They select those who are most vulnerable. 

You see? They would never try to bully anyone of equal power. What if the person fights back and buries them where they fall?

Therefore, bullies won’t take that risk. They go after low-risk victims – people who are safer to abuse.

2. Victims are losers.

Fact: Victims are not losers. Many of them are multi-talented. Lots of victims are star achievers and performers. And the reason bullies target them is that they’re jealous of their success.

Therefore, many people suffer bullying because they’re exceptional. And they threaten the bullies’ power and superiority.

Put another way, high-achieving victims outshine bullies. So, they naturally provoke jealousy. And bullies will pull out all the stops to make them pay for it.

You see? Bullies hate to be beaten at anything! If you outdo them at something, they will get back at you for it. I guarantee it.

Bullying Myths and Facts:

3. Victims Deserve Bullying.


Fact: Not true! Nobody deserves bullying. Ever! When you’re being bullied, you’re in the fight of your life.

And sadly, many people think that if you’re bullied, you must have done something to deserve it. And it’s because they believe that “good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people.” 

However, this is one of the biggest lies ever told. Bad things happen to good people all the time. In fact, it’s the good people who suffer the most.

And the sooner we realize this, the sooner we will be compelled to help victims.

4. Bullies are Brave.

Fact: Nope! They’re the exact opposite. Bullies are chumps! They’re bluffs! Blowhards! Windbags! They’re only good at hiding it. Why? Because, again, they select targets who pose no risk to them.

Bullies can’t stand against an equal.

For example, they always pick those they think are slow, those with mental disabilities. They may bully people with autism.

Moreover, bullies may target those with hearts of gold, who would never hurt a fly. They also go after people who are quiet and reserved.

School bullies may target children with physical flaws- those who are skinny or heavy. They may also bully kids who wear eyeglasses or braces.

Or, they may target kids who have been disfigured from car accidents or house fires. Again, they would never go toe-to-toe with someone of equal power because they know that they’d get served!

Therefore, bullies are cowards simply because they target those they think are weaker. Why? Because they know that weaker people are less likely to fight back.

Bullying Myths and Facts:

They get their power from others.

Also, bullies run around in packs. They hide their cowardice behind groups of flying monkeys. You will never catch a bully alone because a bully doesn’t know how to stand on their own.

So, their wingmen have to back them up and do their dirty work. Realize that bullies get their power from an entourage.

Without their errand boys to cover them, they would be powerless.

5. Bullies are Strong.

Fact:  Wrong! Bullies are weak. They only appear strong because they like to posture in public. They only hide their weakness behind loudness and false bravado. Understand that bullies are constantly trying to prove to everyone how tough they are.

And they do this by picking on someone they think is weaker than them. Real strength is quiet. It doesn’t posture. And it doesn’t boast.

Someone who is truly strong has nothing to prove. Therefore, they never announce their strength. Real strength doesn’t need an announcement because, if it’s there, it’s there.

Moreover, people who feel weak feel threatened by someone who is smart, competent, or well-liked. Therefore, they will bully that person to tear them down.

And why do they target someone who has these qualities? It’s because they hold a mirror up to them, forcing them to see their own pathetic reflections. Again, weak people will try to bring you down when you outshine them.

But, isn’t that what bullies do?

Strong people don’t have to do this. Why? Because they’re confident and they know their strengths. 

Bullying Myths and Facts:

6. Bullies are Cool.

Fact: They may seem so. But, they’re not the least bit cool. They’re sick. They’re demented, and they’re sadistic!

The fact is that most people are ignorant. Especially young people. They think that being cruel is being cool.

However, by being cruel, bullies only reveal their own lack of character. Therefore, the meanness is only a reflection of their own cowardice, insecurity, and arrogance.

7. Bullies are Exciting.

Fact: Really? You may think they are when they’re riding roughshod over someone else? But will you feel the same if they ever set their sights on you?

8. Bullies are In Control.

Fact: Are they? Most bullies have no control over their own lives. Why do you think they try so hard to control yours?

Realize that someone who is truly in control won’t try to take over your life. Why? Because they will be so busy improving themselves that they won’t care to target you.

9. Being Bullied is a normal part of childhood.

Fact: No. Being bullied is not a normal part of childhood. It never was. Again, many kids go their entire childhoods without being bullied.

Being bullied is a hell that few can comprehend. It hurts people so deeply that it stays with them for years. In fact, some people battle the resulting trauma for the rest of their lives.

Being bullied is a scourge victims never ask for. No one deserves that unless they’re a serial murderer or rapist.

In fact, most serial murderers and rapists don’t get bullied; they’re the bullies. Why? Because they prey on those weaker than them.

Bullying Myths and Facts:

10. All kids go through bullying.

Fact: Again, no, they don’t. Many people were fortunate enough not to have suffered any bullying while growing up. 

The reason people tell victims this lie is to normalize bullying and get them to shut up about it. The sad reality is that, if you’re being bullied, most people don’t want to hear about it.

11. Bullying makes you strong.

Fact: That depends on the individual victim. Yes. Some victims get stronger. However, they do so because they’ve been taught to defend themselves.

However, others have been trained to accept bad behavior, especially those who suffer abuse at home. Therefore, bullying in school or at work only tears them down more.

12. Bullying Builds character.

Fact: No, it doesn’t. It suppresses it. In fact, it stifles it!

Bullying instills fear in its victims. It makes them afraid to relax and be themselves. People don’t feel safe when they’re targeted by bullies.

In fact, being bullied can cause victims to shut down. And they bury parts of themselves for their own safety.

As a result, bullying can lead to low self-esteem and poor mental health. It’s impossible to build character when it’s being suppressed by bullies.

Bullying Myths and Facts:

13. ignore bullies, and they will go away.

Fact: No, they won’t. Ignoring bullies only makes them think you’re scared. So, they’ll only target you more.

Also, bullies want your attention, and if they can’t get it, they will escalate the bullying. Some see your ignoring them as “disrespect.” Therefore, they’ll likely retaliate.

The best thing to do is to respond calmly. But never react. 

14. Bullying is Natural Selection.

Fact: This is a load of bullshit. It may be a dark part of human nature, but a reason doesn’t equal an excuse. Bullies and their enablers often use this line as an excuse for their rotten behavior.

Moreover, bullying supporters say this to normalize this despicable and pathetic behavior.

If anyone rattles off any of the above lines when you speak out against bullying, counter those statements. And do it with conviction!

15. The best way to deal with bullies is to Kill them with kindness.

Fact: No. That’s the wrong thing to do. You must realize that bullies are predatory by nature. They see kindness as weakness.

Bullies only understand strength and power. They respond only to consequences, not to politeness.

Therefore, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are.

In short, impose consequences when they bully you. It’s the only way they’ll leave you alone.

Bullying Myths and Facts:

16. Just give them what they want, and they’ll leave you alone.

Fact: Oh no, they won’t! Bullies can’t be appeased. Ever! It doesn’t matter what you say or do to satisfy the bullies.

If you submit to them, your bullies may go away and leave you alone for the time being. But they’ll always come back for more.

You cannot submit enough. The more you submit, the more your bullies will hound you. Why? Because it’s how they get what they want from you. So, why would they stop?

Sometimes, you have to fight before your bullies will leave you alone. The only way to stop being bullied is to stand up for yourself. And if that means putting up your fists, so be it.

In conclusion

The only way you’ll stop being bullied is to dispel the myths and know the facts. Then act on them. In other words, stand up to them. It’s the only way you’ll earn respect!

In closing, realize that your bullies want you to believe these myths. They do not want you to know the facts.

Moreover, supporters of bullying also want you to believe it because they like to side with bullies. Therefore, do your research. Once you learn the truth your bullies try to hide, you’ll feel more confident in yourself. I promise!

This post is all about bullying myths and facts so that you can use the knowledge to empower yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Myths: 5 Widely-Held Beliefs about Bullies and Victims

2. How to Stop a Bully: 9 Powerful Hacks You Can Use

3. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

exposing bullies at school

Exposing Bullies: 5 Tips and Tricks You Need to Use

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Exposing bullies is much easier than you think. Here’s how to do it without putting in much effort.

exposing bullies

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Many victims don’t know how to go about exposing bullies. However, they don’t realize that it’s easy if you know what to do.

In this post, you will learn about the steps to expose your bullies for the creeps they are, so that you can not only protect yourself but also your reputation.

Once you learn these powerful tips and tricks, you will feel much more confident and look forward to a rewarding future.

This post is all about exposing bullies so that you can become a harder person to target and take control of your life.

Exposing Bullies

First, let’s explain the lies and facades bullies work so hard to maintain.

Bullies Must Work Like a Dog to Keep Up the Facades

Targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in at the moment. And for a little while, they stay safe.

However, eventually, victims find a way to rebel and break free. And they do it either by fighting or by fleeing.

No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.

It’s only natural that you push against someone who makes you out to be someone you’re not. So, bullies will have to fight harder to maintain control of you.

BULLIES’ lies eventually catch up with them.

The weight of their own falsehoods gets heavier on their shoulders. Therefore, bullies must continually seek better ways to conceal them.

And that means they have to find more effective ways to subdue you and keep you silent.

Bullies get by only on appearances. The facades they maintain and the fronts they put on are only illusions. Mirages!

In reality, they have no leg to stand on. Why? Because the lies they tell about you are likely to collapse.

Therefore, the constant threat of being found out presses down on them.

Exposing Bullies:

Their facades will eventually collapse too.

Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best. And if they can’t be, they will try to give that impression.

They must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything. That’s not easy.

The one Way Bullies Maintain their lies.

1. They get others to agree.

Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must secure others’ agreement. How else can they avoid accountability and feel good about themselves?

Getting bystanders to side with them is the only way they can when they’re living a make-believe world of lies and fabrications. But here’s the thing:

When bullies seek agreement from an outside source against you, their insecurity is even more apparent. Or, it should be. Why?

Because the truth doesn’t need outside agreement or influence. It stands on its own merit. Anytime you have to get others to agree, that’s a huge giveaway.

However, most people miss this because they’re blinded by fear. Intense emotions like fear or anger make people unable to think clearly.

It also blinds them to subtle signs and contradictions they’d otherwise see.

For example, when a person encounters a bully, he must keep his head straight. Then he’ll likely realize that the bully is the one who’s afraid.

This is not easy to do. When faced with a threatening situation, your logical mind shuts down, and the primal brain takes center stage.

Exposing Bullies:

5 Tips and Tricks to Expose Their Foolishness

Exposing bullies is more about letting them reveal themselves. That’s why it’s so doggone easy. Here’s what you do!

1. Use Their attacks against them.

When they attack you with insults, you simply say, “That’s your opinion.” Or you can say, “Opinions vary.” When you handle it this way, you force your bullies to drag it out.

You will force them to repeat the attacks over and over again. In other words, drag them out until they become boring and redundant.

I won’t kid you: this technique won’t be easy to do. Any time you’re attacked, your first instinct is to jab back with your own attacks.

But sadly, this usually proves ineffective as it only pulls us down to the bully’s level. Respond, yes. But react, no.

Respond with short comebacks like those above. Then walk away and leave the bullies standing there, running their mouths. You’ll make idiots out of them.

Why? Because when you don’t give them the reaction they want, their natural reaction will be to repeat like a broken record. Therefore, you force the bullies to repeat the same attacks until they get stale and others stop listening.

Also, you expose their childishness. You also expose the weakness of the bullies’ position, which they think is their strength.

Instead of attracting an audience, they only bore and alienate them. Sadly, I didn’t realize this when I was being bullied.

Exposing Bullies:

2. Weaponize your bullies’ triggers.

Here’s how you expose the bullies for the brutes they are. Use their own tactics against them!

 Find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage. Get them in public. Do something you know will trigger them.

In other words, bait them into a reaction. Then stand back and watch with pleasure as they loudly lash out in front of everyone.

Sometimes, you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive.

3. Befriend other victims.

Making friends with other victims will make your bullies nervous. And they’ll likely lash out in front of others. This is what you want!

4. Fake a Surrender.

Sometimes, real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off.

Why? Because they were looking for a fight but didn’t get one.

Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly. When you make it look as if you surrender, you give yourself time to recover.

Moreover, you make time to subtly torture and irritate your bullies. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect.

Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

Exposing Bullies:

You don’t surrender because you’re weak.

Surrendering isn’t about giving up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency. And you do it to fool them into thinking they’ve won.

Understand that bullies continually try to assert dominance and superiority. And if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove.

5. Use Your Weaknesses to Your Advantage.

In other words, make yourself look as helpless as possible. Sometimes, if others perceive you as weak, you can use that to your advantage!

My classmates thought that I was weak. And, at times, I used it to elicit sympathy from others. I knew that if I could appear too vulnerable and tempt them to become “too aggressive,” I would gain sympathy.

Then, I could paint my bullies as the sadistic morons they truly were. In these cases, I tricked my bullies into creating a martyr.

And they got into a ton of trouble.

For example, if you have a disease or disability, you can use it to gain sympathy. You can make your bullies look barbaric. And who wouldn’t be outraged to see someone pick on someone who’s too sick to fight back?

Here’s another example. If you’re a female with a tiny build, you can milk that for all it’s worth. You’ll have allies and protectors coming out of the woodwork and in droves.

Or, if you’re a typically charismatic guy and a peacemaker who doesn’t like to fight, you will also have people come to help you out.

Even naivete can be used as a weapon if you know how. Anytime you appear a little too weak, you turn your bullies’ power against them.

Exposing Bullies:

In Conclusion

However, this takes a truckload of self-control. You may feel like a big old wimp when you use some of these techniques. But remember this.

You’re not giving the bullies what they want. You only look like you are. You’re playing dead to save your life! In that, you’re outwitting them. And they don’t even know it!

Here’s a Quick recap of all the tips we discussed.

  • Use their attacks against them.
  • Weaponize their triggers.
  • Befriend other victims.
  • Fake a surrender.
  • Use your weaknesses to your advantage.

This post was all about how to go about exposing bullies so that you can take your power back and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1.  How to Outsmart Bullies: 4 Unconventional Ways to Do So

2. Outsmarting Bullies: 3 Clever Ways that Expose Them