I am grateful for everything

I Am Grateful: 5 Reasons to Practice Gratitude

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I am grateful for everything. Want to know how to find reasons to be grateful while you’re healing from bullying? Here are all the tips you need to have gratitude.

I am grateful

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When you can say, “I am grateful,” life gets much better. Funny how that works.

In this post, you will learn how to be grateful to bring more good into your life.

Once you learn this important life lesson, you will be much happier and more fulfilled no matter what bad people seem to throw at you.

This post is all about finding gratitude so that you can live a more fulfilling life. Instead of saying, “life sucks,” say “I am grateful for… ” and list all the things you’re thankful for.

“I am Grateful”

Gratitude has a way of making life much better. It takes the sting out of any adversity you may face. It also helps you keep things in perspective.

Gratitude isn’t about having delusions of grandeur. In fact, it’s far from it. It’s about realizing the blessings you have and counting them.

Moreover, it makes you realize that there is beauty in life if you look for it. Here is a list of reasons to be grateful.

1. It makes you happier.

When you can find the beauty in everything, you tend not to focus so much on the bad. However, I understand that can be hard sometimes, especially when it seems that nothing is going right.

Yep. I’ve been there. I’ve sat and sucked when things didn’t go my way. And I did that a lot when I was young. In fact, I still do on occasion.

However, when I do, it does me no good. Therefore, I try to catch myself and re-engineer my thinking. And I’ve found that I’m much happier when I make myself find the silver lining.

It takes work, don’t get me wrong. However, if you catch yourself and look on the bright side, you’ll be much happier.

“I am Grateful”

2. You see the glass as half full rather than Half empty.

Seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty. You’ve heard this phrase, I’m sure.

This means focusing on what you do have rather than on what you don’t. Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting something and making it a goal to achieve it.

In fact, we should all have goals to work toward. There are things that I want out of life that I don’t yet have. And I work toward obtaining those things.

However, there’s a difference between working to get what you want and sitting around sulking because you don’t have it.

Bitching and moaning never got anyone anywhere. Pity parties are a waste of time you could be using to work toward what you want.

Therefore, look at all you do have. Your health, your family, etc! The trick is to be thankful for what you do have and work quietly toward getting what you don’t have yet.

Notice I said, “work quietly.” While you work, it’s best not to tell anyone your goals and plans. Why? Because there are lots of jealous people in the world.

And many of them will do everything they can to sabotage you. So, keep your goals and plans to yourself. There will be plenty of time for talk once you achieve them.

3. It makes you a person people want to be around.

Who wants to be around some sad-sack with a bad attitude toward life? All it does is bring you down too.

Therefore, don’t be that person who sits around with a sulk on their face. Don’t be a drip. Instead, be the person who has a positive attitude.

Be someone optimistic. Know that if you work hard and don’t give up, things will eventually improve. With a good attitude, people will love being around you, and you’ll make friends much more easily.

“I Am Grateful”

4. You’re less depressed.

We all get down from time to time. However, when you stay in that dark place, life can get pretty crappy very quickly.

Realize that life is short. Moreover, it passes quickly. And being depressed is a waste of precious time that you’ll never get back.

Now this is not to say that it’s your fault. Some people can’t help it. Many battle depression because of a chemical imbalance. And they need medication.

So, if this is you, know that I’m not blaming you. Again, many people have major depression and need therapy to control it.

However, if you can, use mind over matter. Count your blessings. Focus on what you have. It may feel weird at first. But if you make this a habit, I promise you that you’ll escape that dark place in no time.

5. It lessens Anxiety.

When you’ve gone through a trauma, you’re afraid of history repeating itself. And this causes anxiety.

If this describes you, I understand completely. Why? Because I’ve been there. However, I’ve found that being grateful keeps anxiety to a minimum.

Why? Because when you look at all the good things that have happened in your life, it helps you to expect more good things to come in the future.

It reinforces positive thinking and encourages you to keep going even when times are tough.

6. If You’re positive, you bring more POSITIVITY.

It’s funny how that works. But it’s the same if you’re negative. You only bring more negativity into your life. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A positive mind brings positive things. This is what I’d heard all my life, it seems. So, years ago, during my thirties, I decided to put this to the test.

I was amazed at what I discovered. It was like magic! When I started thinking positively and being thankful for the life I’d been given, things began to look up.

Job opportunities came my way. Moreover, a relationship blossomed, and I married my late husband after ten years of being divorced.

And three years after he passed away, I met my current husband. And this was after I’d finished grieving and started enjoying being single.

No, things haven’t always been rosy. However, I believe that positive thinking helps you to battle trials much more effectively. And it brings more blessings your way. This keeps hope alive.

In Conclusion

I am Grateful For Everything

I will admit that sometimes, I forget to count my blessings and am not as thankful as I should be. We all get that way sometimes, especially when things don’t go as planned.

However, as long as we realize it, we can quickly get back on the right track.

There are many things I am grateful for:

  • An awesome family who is close-knit and supportive of one another.
  • I’m thankful for the love and togetherness we share. We have healthy relationships with one another.
  •  I’m thankful for my husband, Mike. Although we’ve had our ups and downs, we love each other very much.
  • I’m grateful for my children. They have grown to be responsible adults who work hard. They lead productive lives and believe in God.
  • I’m grateful to have escaped bullying. Moreover, I eventually got to know my value and the good I bring to the table.
  • And I thank God every day for opening my eyes and helping me to restore my confidence and peace of mind.
  • I have a nice home, and all of my needs are met. I have a good life.

There are so many more things on my Gratitude List, but if I wrote it all down, the list would be so long I’d use up all my storage space.

I have survived so many things. And the best part is that I’m still here to talk about it.

I survived several years of bullying. And now I can use it to help others who endure bullying. Moreover, I survived not one but FOUR automobile accidents (two of these were major).

I am also a survivor of an attempted rape and possible murder. And I thank my awesome family and wonderful friends for being there for me.

“I Am Grateful”

We’re not promised tomorrow.

None of us knows when it will be our last day on Earth. Life is short, and it passes in the blink of an eye.

One day, you’re sixteen and buying your first car. And the next, you’re in your fifties, wishing you were sixteen again.

It passes quicker than you realize.

We are not promised anything in this life. We will have roadblocks and storms along life’s journey. It is only when you overcome adversity that you grow from it.

And then you’ll reap spiritual benefits that you never thought possible. One of these things is wisdom.

Always count your blessings. Why? Because it can be the difference between a horrible day and an awesome one.

What are you grateful for today?

This post is all about how you can look at your life and say, “I am grateful” so that you can have the happiness you deserve even when things aren’t going as well as you’d like.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Trauma

2.  There’s Always Hope: 11 Things to Remember When People Bully You

3. It Only Gets Better: There is Life After Bullying

4. Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: 9 Ways it Plagues Victims of Bullying

5. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

how to take back your power from someone

How to Take Back Your Power: 11 Things You Can Do NOW!

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‘Want to learn how to take back your power? Here are nine ways to re-empower yourself that you need to know about.

how to take back your power

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Everyone wants to have power. It’s human nature to seek control. Because to be completely powerless is the perfect description of hell.

However, bullies can strip you of your power. And if you no longer have control, you are powerless.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to take back your power and reclaim control of your life.

Once you learn all about this vital information, you will be a powerful force in your own life. You will regain your freedom and autonomy. Then you will be able to live your life as you see fit.

This post is all about how to take back your power so that you can overcome bullying and live your life on your terms.

How to Take back Your Power

Everyone wants power, if only a little of it. And sadly, bullies have ways of taking away your power.

Consequently, when a person is powerless, they live their life on autopilot. Figuratively, they’re only a leaf being blown around in the wind. They’re a sailboat without a sail, being blown on whatever course life dictates for them.

And it’s a terrible way to live. Without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Please take a moment to reflect on this. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to. It’s the worst thing that could happen to you!

two types of power.

Personal Power

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans categorizes power into two categories: personal power and power over.

Personal power is the ability to influence the trajectory of your life. In other words, it’s the ability to influence the events that happen in your life.

It’s the power to direct your path- to choose your wants. With personal power, you have the agency to make your own decisions. Therefore, be the captain of your own ship.

Granted, there’s no way we can control every aspect of our lives. Some things are out of our hands, no matter how powerful we are. For example, you can’t control the behavior of toxic people around you. But you can limit your association with them. In some situations, you can even cut off contact.

How to Take Back Your power:

Examples of Personal Power

Most people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through their accomplishments. In other words, they get their power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

People who aren’t bullies derive their sense of power from achieving success in their jobs. Moreover, they feel powerful from having successful home lives. They may have a loving family and a happy home.

Therefore, they take great pride in their families.

Their power may also stem from their talents, financial resources, and physical well-being. This is why people start their businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they aren’t afraid to display their talents and gifts.

For instance, a husband and father derives his sense of power from his ability to provide for and care for his wife and children. A writer derives her sense of power from her writing and the ability to achieve a readership.

A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh. A singer derives her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice.

An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport. Additionally, students gain a sense of power through achieving exceptional grades and earning their diplomas and degrees.

But what do all these people have in common? It’s that they can all achieve their power without stepping on others.

Therefore, understand that getting power doesn’t always require hurting others. And there are no winners and losers. There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

Personal power is real power!

How to Take Back Your Power:

Power Over

Power over violates boundaries. The exertion of control over another person through force, coercion, or deception. Power over has no respect for your right to direct the course of your own life.

In fact, it might even disrespect your right to exist. It only means to oppress you or kill you.

Examples of power over

  • Bullies.
  • Abusive spouses.
  • Tyrannical bosses and teachers.
  • Dictators.

Bullies use Power OVER.

When bullies target you for bullying, they find ways of stripping you of your power. Most do this bit by bit.

In other words, they gradually escalate the attacks until they leave you utterly powerless. However, there are simple methods you can use to reclaim your power and feel more in control of your circumstances.

How to Take Back Your Power:

11 Ways You can get your power back

There are several ways you can take back your power. Here’s a list of things you can do right now.

1. Have a strong set of beliefs and principles.

When you have a strong set of beliefs and principles, you’re least likely to fall for any lies and name-calling that your bullies bombard you with. Therefore, you’re least likely to allow them to influence how you see yourself.

Moreover, you won’t make decisions and choices based on their approval. Instead, you will do what you know is best for you and what makes you feel most alive.

2. Be okay with who you are.

Realize that you are perfect just the way God made you. However, know that it’s okay if you want to improve yourself. There’s nothing wrong with becoming a better version of yourself because there’s always room for improvement.

And this goes for everyone. The problem arises when others’ opinions of you alter the way you perceive yourself.

Never put yourself down because bullies and others are putting you down. No matter what they say or how they act toward you, don’t lose sight of your worth.

Continue to value yourself and refrain from thinking that you should be like someone else. You are you. Be okay with it. Practice self-acceptance and self-love while you improve.

How to Take Back Your Power:

3. Follow your goals and dreams.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

But be prepared for others to resist your positive change.

Get ready for bullies to notice the positive change in you and resist it. How will they do this?  They’ll intensify their attacks.

They’ll ridicule the positive changes you make. Additionally, they may bring up your past.

However, realize that they will do these things because the new you will threaten their power. Moreover, the new, happier, and more confident you will be something that your bullies won’t be used to seeing.

How to Take Back Your Power:

4. Replace negative self-talk with that which is positive.

In other words, stop beating yourself up. Realize that your bullies and abusers have conned you into believing that you aren’t good enough.

But you are good enough, and you’re just as worthy as the next Joe Schmo. Instead of saying to yourself, “I’ll never be good enough,” say, “I AM good enough now, and I’m only going to get better.”

5. Walk away from toxic people.

Toxic people only want to bring you down and keep you there. These people are bullies and abusers. However, they can also be fakes who pose as your friends.

Therefore, know that anyone who even subtly insults you doesn’t deserve one microsecond of your time. You’d much rather be alone than with fake friends who throw zingers and backhanded compliments at you.

You’ll be much happier without them. So, be patient, and better friends will come along. I promise you!

How to Take Back Your Power:

6. Get healthy.

When you’re healthy, you’re happy. Get outside and get some sunlight.  Don’t forget to exercise. I promise you that you’ll feel so much better! Also, you’ll have more of your power.

Taking these steps may feel strange at first. Trying new things always does. However, with time, it will become like second nature, and you will feel so much better about yourself.

You’ll feel stronger, more confident, and freer!

Moreover, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your life will improve!

7. Expose the bullies by reporting them to a manager or a school staff member.

Understand that bullies and their followers may call you a snitch. However, when it comes to your safety, you’re not being a snitch.

You’re only trying to protect yourself by involving the teacher or supervisor. This may or may not work. However, it’s always wise to report the bully if you’re unable to handle it on your own.

Maybe you’re a petite 5’4″, 110-pound female being bullied at work by a 6’4″, 225-pound gargantuan male. In cases like these, report it to a supervisor, manager, or the police, if necessary.

How to Take Back Your Power:

8. Turn your pain into power.

You can take any abuse you suffer and use it to benefit others. That’s a success! And it’s the best poke in the eye and slap in the face to your bullies and abusers.

I say this because I receive plenty of pushback from a few of my old friends from way back when. Think about this. If you speak your truth and your former abusers lash back, it’s because they know they’re guilty.

If they weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t care so much. Also, if your voice wasn’t so powerful and you weren’t telling the truth, your bullies wouldn’t push back so hard.

The reason why you’ve probably gotten a few nasty or threatening messages is that your former abusers know you’re telling the truth. And they’re scared to death that you’ll expose them.

here’s another interesting point you probably haven’t thought of.

Your bullies are probably angry that they failed to accomplish their objective. And that objective was to destroy your life.

In other words, they expected you to drown. They just knew you’d crash and burn, and you didn’t!

Therefore, that’s a huge disappointment to them. It’s a blow to their overinflated egos! And now, they’re coming back to try and finish the job.

Therefore, you should welcome their resentment. Why? Because it only shows that they’re desperate.

Another way to do it is to stop calling yourself a victim and refer to yourself as a target.

How to Take Your Power Back:

9. Be successful!

Success is the best revenge against bullies. Therefore, work on your goals and pursue your dreams. Go after the life you want!

Then watch your bullies lose their minds as you achieve success after success!

10. Set And ENFORCE firm boundaries.

This is most important! If someone gets in your face, look them dead in the eyes and tell them to back up. If they don’t, you have the right to haul off and give them the business end of your fist.

Understand that, anytime a hostile person gets that close to you, their next step will be to attack you physically. In cases like this, offense is the best defense. Therefore, knock them back a few steps.

And if a bully starts verbally abusing you, tell them to get a life.

Understand that you have the right to have boundaries and enforce them if necessary. Why? Because, without boundaries, others won’t respect you. Instead, they will steamroll you every chance they get.

How to Take Back Your Power:

11. Do the things that make you feel alive.

In other words, indulge in your hobbies.

This post was all about how to Take Back your power so that you can overcome bullying and take control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

2. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

3. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

how to counter bullying in schools

How to Counter Bullying: 7 Tips to Handle Attacks from a Bully

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Sadly, most victims don’t know how to counter bullying. Here, you’ll discover all the tips you need to know to boomerang your bullies’ attacks.

how to counter bullying

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If you don’t know how to counter bullying, you put yourself at the mercy of those who want to harm you. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deflect bullying to protect your self-esteem.

Once you learn all these crucial tips, you will stand strong when your bullies attack you, and you won’t be such an easy target.

This post will teach you how to counter bullying so that you can maintain your confidence even in the face of evil people.

How to Counter bullying

Countering bullying means maintaining a healthy and positive sense of self.

It means refusing to accept your bullies’ assaults on your pride and dignity, no matter how powerful they are. After all, they’re only people just like you.

Countering a bully means being able to withstand the attacks. Why? Because bullies will launch a barrage of them on your humanity, personhood, and character. Therefore, you must be ready.

Moreover, countering bullying means not letting them persuade you into thinking that they know you better than you do yourself. It means being self-aware.

It means knowing who you are. You know you’re a great person who doesn’t deserve shabby treatment. Therefore, you have a vision of your value as a human being.

When you know who you are, you’ll avoid toxicity.

You keep company only with strong people who are positive influences in your life. You’ll only associate with people who consistently validate and affirm your positive qualities.

You realize the good that you bring to this world. Therefore, you won’t settle for fake friends who don’t appreciate you.

How to Counter Bullying:

You’ll stand up to bullies.

Then, when a bully tells you that you’re ugly, ignorant, evil, or unhinged, you can stand with confidence. And you can say, “No, I’m not. You are.”

Then, you can walk away with more pride in yourself because you stood up to them.

Many targets fall for the garbage bullies feed them. Why? Because there’s more to countering the attacks than words or fists. It also involves self-belief.

Most targets, sad to say, are either insecure in themselves. They may also become so because they allowed bullies to make them that way.

They do as I did in the earliest stages of bullying. They ignore the attacks without responding or fighting back. And we know how that usually ends.

Maintaining confidence and a healthy sense of self is the very foundation of self-defense. Always remember that. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

So, what are the 7 tips you can use to handle bullying?

1. Know who you are.

When you know who you are, no bully’s name-calling and personal attacks can faze you. Why? Because you know you aren’t what they call you.

Anyone who knows who they are believes in themselves. Therefore, they won’t internalize the ugly names. And they won’t let bullies destroy their confidence.

If anything, they’ll only laugh when bullies try to insult them.

How to Counter Bullying:

2. Know where the attacks come from.

When bullies attack, their taunts and insults usually come from insecurity. Bullies bully mostly to cover their own shortcomings.

What better way to take attention off your own flaws than to point out someone else’s? Right? It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book.

Knowing your bullies’ backgrounds always helps. For instance, if your bully comes from an abusive household, then you can feel sorry for them instead of hating them.

Or, if your bully comes from a family of criminals, you then know why they behave as they do. Believe it or not, this can be a huge self-esteem booster!

3. Use short, calm responses.

The key to countering bullying is to stay calm. And use short responses. One-word comebacks are best. However, you can use up to seven words. Why?

Because when you use short responses, you send your bullies the unspoken message that they aren’t worth the extra verbiage. And you refuse to waste your breath on the likes of them.

This takes the wind right out of the bullies’ sails. Why? Because they were expecting an emotional reaction. But you didn’t give them one.

Here are a few responses you can use:

  • “Whatever.”
  • “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
  • “Too bad.”
  • “That’s your opinion.”
  • “That’s your problem, not mine.”
  • “You seem angry.”
  • “You’re not a happy person, are you?”
  • “I feel sorry for you.”
  • “I pity you.”
  • “You poor thing.”

However, for these comebacks to work, you must say it calmly. For more good roasts, go here.

How to Counter Bullying:

4. Do something to trigger YOUR bully.

It’s easier than you think. For instance, all you have to do is smile at them, and this will be enough. Why? Because your bully will probably snap at you.

“What the hell are you smiling at?”

“What the f*** are you looking at?”

The bully may sound intimidating. But keep smiling like you know something they don’t. Why? Because it will drive them up the wall.

And they will keep lashing out. This is how you get them to expose themselves.

5. Use their behavior against them.

When a bully is shouting and cursing you out in front of an audience, it’s easy to get emotional. Moreover, it’s tempting to shout and curse back. But don’t.

Instead, you can stand there calmly and look at them like they’ve lost their ever-loving mind. Don’t move; just stand there and stare at them.

This will shock the hell out of them. Why? Because, again, they want you to react. They want you to get emotional. But you don’t. And they don’t understand why.

I did that to a bully once, when I was in my twenties. They were screaming at me like a banshee and cursing like a sailor. And I just stood there and looked at them like they were nuts.

Then the bully paused and yelled, “What the f*** are you doing!” I just turned and walked away laughing.

What you’re trying to do here is to get them to expose themselves. Moreover, you’re looking to shock them.

When you use this little trick, you make them look unhinged. Again, stay calm when you use this trick.

How to Counter Bullying:

6. Walk away.

Walking away doesn’t make you a coward. It simply means that you refuse to listen to any more of the bullies’ crap. So, you remove yourself from the drama.

Understand that you don’t have to stand there and take their shit. And if you aren’t the type that likes to fight, this is the best way to handle it.

However, if you walk away, watch your back. Bullies are cowards. And they might attack you after you turn your back. So, if you decide to walk away, do so with caution.

7. Make friends with other victims.

Remember that bullies run in packs and they like to catch you when you’re alone. However, when you align yourself with other victims, you create a team that backs you.

Why? Because they’ve been bullied by the same people as you. That means you all have something in common. Moreover, you share an intense dislike for the bullies.

Nothing unites people faster than a shared hatred of something. Therefore, this dislike will tighten your bonds with one another.

And the best part is, this keeps the bullies away. Why? Because bullies know there’s strength in numbers. So, they’re least likely to come for you if you’re in a group.

BONUS ANSWERS

How to Counter BULLYING:

8. Spend time with those who love you. 

When you spend quality time with those who love you, it helps to keep your confidence up. Why? Because these people will help reinforce your self-belief.

They care for you. Therefore, they’ll praise you for all that you’ve accomplished. In fact, they’ll compliment you simply because you’re you.

Therefore, these positive reinforcements will help to counter any psychological abuse your bullies may inflict.

9. If you have to defend yourself physically, do it!

Remember that bullies only understand strength, especially physical bullies. Therefore, if someone physically attacks you, you have the right to defend yourself.

If someone hits you first, hit them back and do it harder than they hit you. I don’t care what the school or other institution tells you.

I can tell you that if I were in a physical situation, I’d take a suspension before I’d risk lying in a hospital emergency room.

So, do whatever it takes to keep them from hurting you.

How to counter bullying:

In Conclusion

Countering bullying is easier than it seems. Let’s do a recap on all the ways you can do so.

  • Know who you are.
  • Know where the attacks come from.
  • Use short, calm responses.
  • Do something to trigger your bully.
  • Use their behavior against them.
  • Walk away.
  • Make friends with other victims.

Bonus Answers

  • Spend time with those who love you.
  • If you have to defend yourself physically, do it!

If you use these tips long enough, your bullies will eventually see that you’re too much trouble. And they’ll leave you alone and find an easier target.

This post was all about how to counter bullying so that you can make yourself bully-proof.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses 

2. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

3. Good Roasts for Bullies: 25 Comebacks that Shut Them Up.

how to stand up to a bully at school

How to Stand Up to a Bully: 7 Tactics of Self-Defense

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Want to know how to stand up to a bully? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you can use to protect yourself.

how to stand up to a bully

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Everyone has a right to self-preservation. And how you maintain it is by standing up for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stand up to a bully so that human predators will know to leave you alone and you can live in peace.

Once you learn all these important lessons, you will be more compelled to stick up for yourself no matter what.

This post will teach you how to stand up to a bully so that you can bully-proof yourself.

How to Stand Up To A Bully

So, how do you do this? The answer is that you have to meet them where they are.

1. Use a powerful tone of voice.

This means speaking to bullies in the only language they understand. You must speak with strength and power.

In other words, there is no being polite.

You cannot handle a bully “nicely” and expect them to go away. Why? Because they will only see that as weakness. And they’ll use it to their advantage.

Moreover, there is no being quiet about it. A bully will only take your silence as being afraid. Again, you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand.

And what they don’t understand is nice and polite.

For example, the bully is in your face, yelling and cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then you tell them firmly to get the hell out of your face.

Notice at approximately 0:15 in this clip when George McFly shakes his finger at Biff and says, “Hey, you! Get your damn hands off…”

Notice the tone of his voice and how he trails off. It sounds weak, doesn’t it?

Notice that it didn’t have any effect on Biff. At first, he only saw a weak little man trying to be a hero. Why? Because George was holding back and the bully knew it.

Therefore, if you have to raise your voice, do it! If you have to growl, do that too.

How to Stand UP to a Bully:

2. Don’t hold back.

You may have done everything to try and defuse the situation peacefully.  However, in most cases, the bully keeps coming back.

That’s when it’s time to get down and dirty. Remember that you’re in a battle. Therefore, when you’re in a battle, there’s no time to hold back and try to be the bigger person.

Why? Because when it reaches this level, that’s when things can get dangerous fast.

You must be willing to go off on the bully and think nothing of it. In other words, you have to call them out with strength. That means getting nasty.

There are times you must get just as dirty as they do. And to hell with what anyone else thinks! Why? Because the only rights you have are those you fight for.

3. Screw what anyone else thinks.

Not caring what anyone else thinks is the foundation for self-defense. When you have to stand up to a bully, it doesn’t matter what others think. They’re not walking in your shoes.

For example, you’re a victim of school bullying. And you finally get fed up and begin fighting back.

You may have classmates tell you, “Ya know? You shouldn’t have cursed so-and-so out because you only stoop to their level.”

Really? It’s funny how they never said a word to the bullies while they were unloading on you. Now, all of a sudden, you’re the bad guy for defending yourself?

It’s easy for bystanders to sit back and judge you when they aren’t the ones being bullied. You don’t need any advice from anyone sitting safely in the cheap seats.

If they have no skin in the game, that’s when you tell them to keep their lousy two cents to themselves.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

4. speak in the only language bullies understand.

Bullies (and anyone who is even remotely impressed by them) are a dime a dozen. They really are. Therefore, there are times when you must speak in the only language they understand. Then they might get the message and back the hell off!

Bullies are loud and brutal. And the language they understand is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

If this makes you uncomfortable, I understand. It sucks when you must get down and wallow in their foulness and filth with them. But sometimes you’ve no choice but to lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud. You can reserve the nastiness for emergencies, like bullying.

 How to Stand Up to a Bully:

5. Don’t be afraid of conflict.

Conflict is a part of life. It’s something we all encounter. However, many are deathly afraid of it.

Most victims of bullying are especially scared of it. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them. And they haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have.

Many survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Therefore, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, they’ll cave in. They give in to bullies to appease them. And why not? If it’ll make them shut up and go away, then a few minutes of self-sacrifice is worth it.

Moreover, people get tired of hearing self-entitled bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.

So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!” You get exhausted when you constantly have to battle some creep who won’t leave you alone. And all you want is a little bit of peace.

But giving in won’t work. Because they always come back with something else later. The only way you’ll ever live in peace is to face conflict head-on. Don’t be afraid to tell them to get bent!

And if you have to show your ugly side, so be it! Understand that if you run from conflict, you’ll be running from it for the rest of your life.

6. Know you have a right to defend yourself. 

As mentioned earlier, some people don’t know how to keep their opinions to themselves. They will criticize you when you stand up to bullies. But what would they have done better if they were in your shoes?

This is the question you need to ask them. And know that you have every right to defend yourself when some creep steps on your toes.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

7. Don’t be afraid to put up your dukes.

Many times throughout your life, you will hear self-righteous people preach against fighting. And they will be against it even if it is in self-defense.

For instance, you defend yourself against physical bullies. Later, those in power may tell you, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”

Or, let’s say that you’re a female who had to defend herself from a physical attacker. Some moron may tell you, “Fighting isn’t ladylike.”

Well, neither is getting your face beat in.

Trust me. You’d much rather fight back than stand there and take an ass-beating. Therefore, expect people to judge you for it. Those who know the least usually have the most to say.

They’re always quick to climb on their soapbox and wag a finger at you. They’ll fire off overused platitudes, such as, “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

It makes me think of the old ’90’s urban slang, “All up in the Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” And when you’re getting your brains beat in every other day, you have no choice but to bite back.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

In Conclusion

Standing up to bullies is a part of self-care. Indeed, fighting isn’t always the answer. However, sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

Sometimes you have to put your bitch face on and get ugly. And if you’re the type of person who doesn’t like to be that way, you won’t like it. But sometimes, getting mean and nasty is necessary.

Why? Because you have to take care of yourself, or no one else will.

Therefore, if anyone else sticks their nose into your business, tell them what you think. Why? Because you can’t be nice when you’re dealing with people who wish to harm you.

Realize that there are times when you have to get funky with it! You must get out of character when things get hot. When some schmuck is in your face, nice and polite goes out the window.

And once they find out that you aren’t as weak as they thought, they might back off. And they’ll think twice before confronting you again.

Therefore, meet the bullies where they are. Respond in kind to bad treatment. And assert your right not to put up with bullying and abuse.

This post was all about how to stand up to a bully so that you’ll be encouraged to defend yourself when someone crosses your boundaries.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Self-Preservation: Why You Must Get Just as Ugly as Your Bullies

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. Standing Against Bullying: 3 Reasons It’s Worth the Risk

the ultimate guide to overcoming bullying book launch announcement

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Book Launch

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I’m excited to announce that “The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying” book launches on Tuesday.

the ultimate guide to overcome bullying book launch

Photo by Dany Kurniawan from Pexels

My number one goal for writing this book is to give you all the information I wish I’d had when I was being bullied. The second goal is for you to learn in one day all the things that took me years of trial and error to figure out.

Trial and error takes so much time. And time is something you can never get back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever!

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Book Launch

This book is a quick read with only about 95 pages. It’s cram-packed with strategies that take most bullying victims years, even decades, to discover. Therefore, if you are a victim of bullying, you can get the answers you’ve been searching for in this short book.

Kindle Version

The Kindle ebook version of the book will be available on Tuesday. However, you can pre-order it now.

The Promo cost is only 0.99. This promo will last until Wednesday, Oct. 7. After that, it will be available for 9.99.

Print Book Version

The print book is currently in review. It won’t be available until Thursday, Oct. 8. It will be available for a Promo cost of 9.99 before it goes up to 14.99. Amazon usually approves the print book if it approves the ebook. However, if, by chance, the review goes awry and I can’t release the physical book, I’ll let you know and take steps to remedy the situation.

Book Description

Bullying isn’t random; it’s opportunistic, patterned, and selective.

Bullies can turn your life upside down. They have ways of shaping how you see yourself and the world around you. But you don’t have to let them have the final say in your life.

If you have faced continuous harassment or intimidation, and you’re ready to take your power back, The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying is your toolkit. Here, you’ll discover the truth about bullying. You’ll discover why it happens, how social dynamics fuel it, and what you can do to respond with strength and overcome it.

Whether the bullying happens at school, work, or in social groups, this book doesn’t offer surface-level advice. It doesn’t give you quick fixes. Instead, it gives you real-life strategies for responding to bullying attacks, rebuilding your confidence, and taking back control of your life.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying will teach you,

  • Why bullies bully
  • The mindsets of bullies
  • The psychology behind bullying
  • How bullies select their victims
  • Who bullies target
  • Mistakes that keep you a victim and how to avoid them.
  • How to set and enforce your boundaries
  • How to respond without losing your cool (and your self-respect)
  • Ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.
  • How to turn pain into power.

Whether you are a victim who currently faces bullying or a survivor who still carries the scars from it, this guide will help you reclaim your voice, your confidence, and your future. This is where your comeback begins.
You can’t beat bullying by wishing it would go away. You beat it by knowing the game… and changing it.

Author’s Message to Readers

With knowledge comes empowerment!

I can’t wait to see the confidence you gain from this book and how it will improve your life! I want to see you regain your power, and I want to watch you live boldly. And I want to see you retake the peace and happiness you so richly deserve!

With love,

Cherie

bullying and bystanders at work

Bullying and Bystanders: 9 Excuses Witnesses Make for Bullies

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‘Want to know about bullying and bystanders and the excuses bystanders make for bullies? Here is everything you need to know.

bullying and bystanders

Photo from Canva

Bullies are very practiced and convincing liars. They have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about bullying and bystanders so that you can know what to expect from bystanders when you’re bullied.

Once you learn this crucial information, you will be able to use it to see who’s in your corner and who you need to cut off.

This post is all about bullying and bystanders so that you can drop the people who side with your bullies and stick with the ones who side with you.

Bullying And Bystanders

As I mentioned earlier, bullies are experts at charming everyone else. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake. It’s all a part of the smokescreen they put up to cover bad behavior and avoid accountability.

In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Bullying And Bystanders:

Why Bystanders often join in.

There are many reasons “the audience” may bully you too. Here are the most common reasons.

1. Groupthink

Groupthink is everywhere -in school, at work, on the street, everywhere!

A moderate amount of it is human nature. It’s how we conform to the rules in society. Moreover, we need a certain degree of groupthink to prevent total anarchy.

However, when it’s excessive, it’s unhealthy, even dangerous! The excessive kind is how cults are formed. It’s also how dictatorships and totalitarian states get started.

An example of groupthink is, “If everyone else is doing it, I need to do it too.” Other names for groupthink are “pack mentality” or “herd mentality.”

Therefore, if an institution has a culture of bullying, those who wouldn’t normally bully will do it to fit in.

Bullying and Bystanders:

2. Social Contagion

Social contagion is a close sibling to groupthink. Why? Because when bullies bully you, everyone else wants to bully you too. It’s called “the swarm effect” or  “the pile-on effect.”

When one bully bullies, others will pile on.

Peer pressure motivates them to do so. I look back now and realize that most of my classmates were only errand boys to the clique. In other words, they were one big herd of sheep.

Most bystanders will do anything to get in good with “the cool kids.” They defend those whose butts they want to kiss. They’ll do whatever it takes to move up the social ladder.

Therefore, they’ll mostly side with bullies. Why? Because, sadly, they have the power to promote them up the social hierarchy. This is how bystanders become secondary bullies.

And those who don’t join in will likely refuse to help you. We call this deliberate indifference.

Bullying and Bystanders:

3. Group Behavior

In group settings, bullying you becomes a ritual. In other words, it’s the in-thing to do at your school or your place of employment.

Any time bystanders join in, it can be especially devastating. Why? Because you stand alone. You have no support. Moreover, it can escalate to group-bullying, and group behavior can get dangerous very quickly.

Here are other things bystanders may do. They’ll ignore it and do nothing. Moreover, you’ll hear laughing and giggling in the background.

Onlookers may also whisper and gossip about the bullying incident later. They may say, “Hey, did you see Jackie get her ass whipped this morning?” They love to keep the rumor mill running.

Bystanders may also point and stare while your bullies are getting the best of you. And they may incite more bullying by sending messages back and forth between you and the bullies.

If you’re being cyberbullied, they’ll like and agree with mean social media posts. Moreover, they may get angry at you for defending yourself. In worst cases, bystanders may retaliate against you for trying to protect yourself.

In groups, people will behave in ways they would never do under normal circumstances. Even the kindest of people can turn into the vilest of monsters in a group. Always remember that.

4. They’re afraid of becoming the next victim.

No one wants to be a target of bullying. That’s understandable.

Bystanders fear that speaking up for you will cause them to lose popularity. Therefore, they either watch it happen or join in.

Understand that when they watch you getting pummeled, they thank their lucky stars that it isn’t them. Therefore, if they even think the bullies might target them next, they’ll do anything to keep that from happening.

In fact, they may even make excuses for the bullies to look like their allies.

Bullying and Bystanders:

excuses bystanders make for bullies.

Here’s a list of excuses that bystanders and authorities often make for the bully when you speak out.

1. “That’s just his personality.”

If you’re a victim of bullying, you’ll hear this excuse a lot. When others tell you this after someone has insulted you, what they’re really doing is trying to normalize the behavior.

Moreover, the hidden message is, “We tolerate him, so you should too.”

But you shouldn’t tolerate it. Therefore, you can either stand up to him, or you can give him a dismissive look and have no more to do with him.

This is how you take your power back.

2. “She’s only expressing herself.”

This is just another bullshit excuse that lets a bully off the hook. Expressing oneself is okay. However, when they do it at your expense, that’s when it becomes a problem.

Therefore, you need to express yourself by standing up to this person. You don’t have to tolerate crappy behavior from anyone. And you shouldn’t.

If someone mistreats you, let them have it. It’s the only way you’ll earn respect.

Bullying and Bystanders:

3. “He just has a strong personality.”

Don’t accept this garbage. Realize that when bystanders make this statement, they’re excusing the behavior. Moreover, they’re complimenting the bully.

Think about it. “Strong personality?”

However, acting like a heel to someone isn’t a sign of a strong personality. If someone has to bully you to make themselves feel better, it’s a sign of low character.

They really have a weak personality. Remember that bullies are weak. Moreover, they’re cowards.

4. “She’s going through a hard time right now.”

Everyone goes through hard times. But not everyone takes it out on other people. Remember that the true test of character comes in the way you deal with adversity.

And sure, there are times when the stress is too much, and we snap at someone. However, most of us don’t make it a habit.

And we usually go back and apologize later. Bullies are never sorry for their behavior. Rough times are no excuse to be an asshole.

Bullying and Bystanders:

5. “he’s really a good person; He’s just having issues right now.”

Still, no excuse. Everyone has “issues.” However, not everyone uses their problems as a green light to mistreat others. Therefore, they should leave their problems at the door.

6. “She’s having problems at home.”

People who have problems at home rarely bring them to school or the job. Again, bullies need to leave their funky attitude at home.

You’ll often hear this excuse from enablers – people who are afraid of the bully and don’t want to set them off. However, they don’t realize that they’re rewarding their bad behavior. And they’re trying to make you responsible for their mood.

No one is responsible for their home life but them. And there are better ways to handle it besides being a heel.

7. “He’s really a good person once you get to know him.”

I can’t count the times I’ve heard this worn-out line. To me, this is just a polite way of saying, “He’s an asshole, but you’ll get used to it.”

And that’s exactly how you should call it out if some dummy gives you the same statement. If they want to pity that fool and let them walk over them, that’s their business.

However, I don’t give a rat’s behind how “good” the person is. I’m still not taking any crap off them. And neither should you.

Bullying and Bystanders:

8. “But he’s so well-liked and well-mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

Wow! If this doesn’t piss you off, it should. What the person is really saying is that they don’t believe you. Maybe they haven’t seen the bully act badly, and maybe they have.

However, they make this excuse either because they like the bully or because they’re trying to de-escalate the situation. Moreover, maybe they don’t like you, and this is a subtle way of blaming you.

Therefore, don’t fall for it. Let them know that you won’t put up with it. Better yet, let the bully know it too.

9. “But she’s so sweet, and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Yep! She’s so sweet she called you a ___ today.” Realize that bullies act one way in front of you and a totally different way in front of everyone else.

Therefore, stand up to this bully. Tell her what you think of her. Then walk away. No one has an excuse to wipe their feet all over you.

In conclusion

These are only a few examples. Don’t fall for any excuse! I don’t care what it is. Let’s do a recap of the excuses you’ll likely hear if you’re a victim of bullying.

  • That’s just his personality.
  • She’s just expressing herself.
  • He just has a strong personality.
  • She’s going through a hard time right now.
  • He’s really a good person; he’s just having issues right now.
  • She’s having problems at home.
  • He’s really a good person once you get to know him.
  • But he’s so well-liked and well-mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?
  • But she’s so sweet, and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.

It’s best if you study these examples. Then you can be ready once someone uses one of these excuses to defend a bully.

This post is all about bullying and bystanders and the excuses people make for bullies so that you’ll know them and be ready to call it out.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bystanders to Bullying: 5 Reasons They Join In.

2. When Bystanders Become Bullies: 11 Behaviors of Bully-Supporters

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

4. How to Stop a Bully: 9 Powerful Hacks You Can Use

5. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

how to avoid toxic people in life

How to Avoid Toxic People: 3 Ways to Blow Off Bullies

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Want to know how to avoid toxic people so that you can avoid bullying and ensure your personal safety? Here are all the ways you can blow them off without looking like a heel.

how to avoid toxic people

Photos from Canva

Avoiding toxic people can be the difference between suffering bullying and protecting yourself from it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to avoid toxic people so that you can protect yourself from bullies and abusers.

Once you learn all these important tips, you will be better able to avoid nefarious people whose sole missions are to victimize others.

This post is all about how to avoid toxic people so that you can keep yourself safe from them.

How to Avoid Toxic People

Sometimes Distance Can Be a Good Thing

Before we go any further, let’s talk about distance and why it can be the best thing for you.

Dealing with people who criticize you daily can quickly wear you down. And it can break your spirit. Sadly, many people disrespect the same victim repetitively over several years.

If you are that victim, they’ll eventually train you to tolerate it if you aren’t careful. This is why you should safeguard your mind by doing things to maintain a strong sense of self.

If you’re a target and you stay silent, you will continue to put up with it. Therefore, you, in a sense, permit your bullies to keep abusing you.

‘You see? Here’s how abusers and most bystanders see it. What I’m about to tell you comes from personal experience. I’ve heard many perpetrators and witnesses say it out of their own mouths.

“If he puts up with it, then he deserves it!”

No! You don’t deserve it. Ever! You have every right to stand up to abuse because it’s a form of violence. Someone is violating your boundaries, and it’s up to you to protect those boundaries.

This is your life, and no law says you have to take crap from anyone.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

My Grandmother Tolerated a lot of Crap… Until She Had Enough!

My grandmother, God rest her soul, tolerated a truckload of abuse as a young woman in her twenties and thirties. The time she was living in was the fifties and sixties.

During that era, society expected women to stay silent and submit to abuse.

She had a husband with narcissism who violated her boundaries at every turn. He even lorded over the children too.

This beautiful woman dealt with mistreatment from others too. My grandmother was the very definition of class and grace.

She was tall, thin, and gorgeous- the poster lady of feminine beauty, especially during that era. More importantly, she was kind, humble, generous, and smart! Nothing got past my grandmother!

However, people were highly jealous of her, including my grandfather.

It took my grandmother a long time to realize that nothing would change unless she put distance between herself and the toxic people who were trying to break her.

Granddaddy never acknowledged Uma’s virtues and good qualities. Instead, he devalued her. He was jealous of her beauty and her smarts.

She used her intelligence to battle the abuse. As a result, it would enrage him every time she’d trick him. But eventually, she got tired and fed up.

Uma finally got angry with herself for putting up with so much abuse all those years. That’s when she waited until he went to work, then drove into town and filed for a legal separation.

Next, she had all the locks changed. When Granddaddy got home, she handed him the papers. Moreover, she had his bags packed and ready for him, and told him to get out.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

I wish I could’ve seen the look on his face.

My grandfather was stunned. He never expected her to kick him out. For a long time, she hadn’t. Her love for him was that strong.

However, in the end, she had to love herself enough to walk away from the marriage. And she needed to love herself more than she did him.

This took a lot of strength and courage. She was surprised at how much better her life got once she got over the grief from the divorce.

Granddaddy stalked her for a while. Therefore, he would drive by the house and try to keep tabs on her. But she continued to hold firm, and she never took him back.

But that was my grandmother. She was a rock, and it’s how I remember her.

Distance from toxic people is the best thing you can keep.

The point of my story is that, to take your life back, you must put distance between yourself and toxic people. It doesn’t matter if they’re an abusive partner, an authoritarian boss, or abusers at work or school.

Getting rid of them is essential to finding peace of mind. All of the above are bullies and don’t deserve a seat at your table.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

it’s why i don’t go to high school reunions.

It’s why I left Oakley High School. Also, it’s the reason I choose not to go to any future class reunions.

Moreover, I always kept my telephone number unlisted when I lived in Oakley for a little while. As an adult during the late ’90s and early 2000s, I prioritized mine and my children’s safety.

I didn’t want to risk any former bullies looking me up in the directory. Why? Because they would have found not only my number but my street address.

And even today, none of them know where I am. All those people know is that I no longer live in Oakley, and I intend to keep it that way.

Distance is a blessing, and it’s the best weapon against bullies. Moreover, it pays to stay away and ensure they also keep away.

If possible, you should put as much distance between yourself and your bullies as you can. As long as you’re out of their reach and they stay away from you, they can’t bother you.

So, How do you avoid those who wish to harm you?

There are several ways you can avoid running into the wrong people.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

1. Be choosy who you give your phone number to.

Back when I lived in Oakley with my kids, cellphones weren’t as popular. And the internet had more privacy. So, I kept my name out of the directory.

However, today, there are many ways to find someone’s cellphone number, I hate to say. You can keep your number secret by being selective of who you give it to. But let me warn you!

If someone wants your number badly enough, they can search the internet. Sites like whitepages.com and Been Verified have that information on you.

Now, Been Verified is a good site. It helps people find out whether their dates are criminals or their housekeeper is a thief. Therefore, there are good reasons these sites exist.

However, bullies, abusers, and stalkers can use them to find out how to contact you. So, be aware.

2. Delete and block toxic people on social media.

The delete and block buttons are there for a reason. Use them!

If you have a troll who harasses you on social media, you have every right to delete and block them. However, too many people think that they have to have the last word.

Therefore, they’ll sit and argue with a cyberbully to feel like they’re getting their say. This isn’t smart. Why? Because that’s exactly what cyberbullies want.

They want a reaction from you. So, don’t give it to them. I can’t stress this enough. Don’t engage! Starve that troll by hitting that block button!

Just make sure you take screenshots first. You want to have evidence just in case they show up at your door.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

3. Cut Ties with them.

If someone takes the joy out of your life, you don’t have to keep talking to them. People preach inclusivity these days. And it sounds like the noble thing to do.

However, what the inclusivity preachers fail to consider is that some people are harmful. When you refuse to talk to someone because they’re toxic, inclusion doesn’t qualify.

There’s a difference between exclusion and protecting yourself and your loved ones against hurtful people. And I’ll be glad when we start addressing this.

I’ve had others accuse me of excluding someone when I was avoiding them to protect myself. And I didn’t fall for that garbage.

You may cut ties with someone who has repeatedly hurt you. And you should, for your own safety and peace of mind.

However, there will be a few dunces who accuse you of “excluding” them. They will call you a bully because you want nothing to do with the person. Or, because you refuse to chase after them.

And they will deliberately try to blur the lines between inclusivity and self-protection. Don’t let them do that. You have every right to be safe. And if that means disassociating yourself with a few butt-heads, so be it.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

In Conclusion

If you don’t want anyone to harm you and disrupt your peace, avoiding toxic people is crucial. You don’t have to hang with those who don’t see your value.

It’s okay to exclude from your life those who want to harm you. And you have a right to protect yourself from bullies, abusers, and criminals. This is part of having self-respect.

Moreover, you have the right to choose friends who love you and will be there for you. When you know your worth, you’ll do whatever is best for you.

It’s okay to avoid toxic people!

This post is all about how to avoid toxic people so that you can ensure your safety and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

2. How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

3. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

4. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

5. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

6. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

psychological bullying tactics psychology

Psychological Bullying Tactics: 17 Tricks Bullies Use to Shake You

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Want to know all the psychological bullying tactics bullies use? Here are all the tricks bullies use to rattle you.

psychological bullying tactics

Photo by dragana991 at Getty Images

Bullies seem to know the slickest psychological bullying tactics to use, don’t they? In this post, you will learn what they are and why they use each one.

Once you learn all about these techniques, you will be able to recognize them when they happen. And you will be able to better defend yourself from them.

This post is all about psychological bullying tactics so that you can better protect yourself from mental abuse.

Psychological Bullying Tactics

Rattling you psychologically is a tactic bullies use to keep you off balance. Why? Because when you’re off your A-game, you don’t fight back as effectively. Here are all the tactics bullies use to keep you off kilter.

1. Barking orders

When bullies order you around, they treat you like you’re a subordinate. They don’t have to be bosses or authority to order you around. So, they do it to claim dominance over you.

Therefore, if a classmate or coworker tries to tell you what to do, you can tell them, “I don’t take orders.” This is how you keep your power.

2. Putting you on the defense

Bullies may make subtle accusations to put you on the defense. And the reason they do this is to make you look “defensive.”

So, what do they have to gain by doing this? Simple! If they can make you defensive, they can make you look guilty of something.

Psychological bullying Tactics:

3. Unsolicited advice

Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice. However, they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

They are always giving you free advice as if you are a child. Some people have a lot of nerve, don’t they?

But here are the reasons they do this.  It’s to give their audience the impression that you’re a moron. Moreover, they want others to think that they know more than you.

They don’t advise you to help you. They do it to help themselves look smarter than you. And if you don’t know how to counter it, it can chip away at your self-esteem.

So, what are ways that you can counter a smartass who gives you advice you didn’t ask for?  You can tell them, “I don’t need your cheap two cents.” Then, walk away.

4. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha-questions, but bullies are also infamous for it too. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha-questions are questions that trap you. They put you in a bad light no matter what answer you give and even if you do not answer at all.

These are the types of questions bullies will usually ask you in public just to humiliate you. By asking these types of questions, bullies trap you into looking bad to others.

More on gotcha questions HERE.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

5. Insulting questions

“Why are you so arrogant, ignorant, etc.?

Understand that these questions aren’t really questions. They’re only accusations made in the form of questions. Bullies are notorious for asking their targets rhetorical questions, which are questions designed to elicit a dramatic effect and to make a point, not to get an answer.

These questions are only insinuations and innuendo. They insinuate your perceived lack of intelligence, sarcastic attitude, or worthlessness.

For comebacks, go HERE.

Always counter them with sarcasm! Bullies hate being made a fool of. So, answering with a good burn will take the wind out of their sails.

6. Nonverbal Bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle. It’s not as easy for others to see.

This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.

  • Dirty looks.’
  • Leaning on your desk.
  • Standing too close.

Always call the bullies out or give the bully a glare they’ll never forget.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

7. Outlandish and Unheard of Tactics.

Understand that outrageous tactics are deliberate, and there’s a reason behind them.

Bullies employ these tactics as a kind of preemptive gaslighting. By using tactics that are beyond comprehension, they cause others to have a difficult time believing it if you report it.

However, if something is beyond all comprehension, how can you make it up? So many people in power forget this.

Again, the use of tactics that seem a bit outlandish is a subtle form of gaslighting. These astonishing actions are meant to silence you. Why?

Because when things that happen are so far from anything others have experienced, they’re the most difficult to talk about. Why? Because “these kinds of things just don’t happen.”

8. Gaslighting.

Bullies deny their behavior. Or, they might trivialize it. They may even add their spin to make you look like the villain.

Also, they’ll resort to maligning you to others to destroy your good name and credibility. There are many ways bullies gaslight.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

9. Guilt-Tripping.

Bullies are masters at guilt-tripping, especially female bullies who use their feminine charm. They will often try to get you to do what they want. And when you refuse, they try to make you feel guilty.

Don’t fall for this. The best way to counter this is to stand behind your decision.

10. Projection.

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to project them onto you?

Projection is when someone accuses you of the same bad deeds they do. It shouldn’t be easy. But it is.

11. Distraction.

“The essence of deception is distraction.” – Robert Greene

The bully uses distraction, often called deflection, when they use your reaction to distract attention away from their abuse.

It is the reason that so many people in authority, bystanders, and witnesses unjustly label targets as bullies.

Bullies are highly skilled at deflecting their misdeeds onto others. Therefore, people will falsely accuse you of “starting it.”

Here’s how the bullies do it:

  • shows kindness and integrity in front of everyone else except you.
  • baits you.
  • Accuses you of the same bad things he’s doing.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

12. Smear Campaigns.

If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

They use the above strategies not only to cover their backsides. They also do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself.

Moreover, they smear you to close you off from support. Why? Because, once you’re isolated, chances are slim that anyone will help you.

Now, your bullies can do whatever they want to you. If everyone is against you, who’s going to stop the abuse? In the minds of others, you deserve what’s happening to you.

13. Baiting

Bullies will bait you by doing things to get you to fight. For instance, they may provoke you by knocking over your drink. They may also kick over your purse as they walk by.

Or they may get in your face.

Therefore, know that when bullies toy with you like this, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

14. Getting others to insult you.

This type of bullying is indirect and extremely cowardly. These types of bullies don’t have the guts to be direct or get their hands dirty.

Therefore, they instigate a conflict between you and someone else. They then stand back, at a safe distance, and watch from afar. And they enjoy watching the other person attack you.

In most cases, the person they pit against you isn’t a bully. They probably have no prior history with you. This person can be a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, teacher, or supervisor.

15. Bringing Up Your Past

If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind? Maybe a police record of vandalism when you were seventeen?

Or maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. They either have nothing to pin on you, or they’re jealous of you.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

16. Humiliation

Humiliation, unlike embarrassment or shame, leaves a mark on the person who suffers it. And the stigma can follow them for the rest of their lives. Why?

Because people who’ve been publicly humiliated are always remembered for their humiliation. Think Harvey Weinstein and the sex scandals that broke about 10 years ago.

Although ol’ Harvey deserved his humiliation, most victims of bullying don’t. Innocent victims are often humiliated by their bullies for no reason.

They get stuck in an uncomfortable position while others gather around to taunt and abuse them.

Humiliation has been used down through the ages. Tarring and feathering was a technique used in the Old West.

This involved covering people with hot tar and feathers. Then, the townspeople would parade them through the crowded streets on a horse-drawn cart.

Think of Chuck Connors’ character, Jason McCord, in the old western series, “Branded.”

Throughout history, humiliation has been the most common and effective means of punishment. People fear losing face worse than they do a violent death!

17. Moving the Goalposts

Understand that bullies will judge you without provocation. You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong. They will dissect everything until they find something wrong.

For instance, bullies may tell you one day that your hair is too curly. So, you straighten it the next day before going to school. But they find something else to rag you about.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will judge you no matter what you do. And any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

The best thing to do is to have nothing to do with them. You don’t need their approval.

Psychological bullying Tactics:

In conclusion

All these tactics have one goal: Control. 

Let’s do a quick recap of the bullying tactics we just discussed.

  • Barking orders.
  • Putting you on the defense.
  • Unsolicited advice.
  • Asking gotcha questions
  • Insulting questions.
  • Nonverbal bullying.
  • Outlandish and unheard of tactics.
  • Gaslighting
  • Guilt-tripping.
  • Projection.
  • Distraction.
  • Smear Campaigns
  • Baiting
  • Getting others to insult you.
  • Bringing up your past.
  • Humiliation.
  • Moving the goalposts.

Once you recognize these tactics, you won’t be able to unsee them. Then you can protect yourself from them.

This post was all about psychological bullying tactics, so you’ll recognize them when you see them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2. Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

4. Humiliation Bullying: 5 Examples of It and Why It’s So Devastating

not knowing who you are anymore

Not Knowing Who You Are: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy

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Not knowing who you are makes you susceptible to bullying and abuse. Want to know why? Here’s everything you need to know.

not knowing who you are

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Not knowing who you are can make your life harder than it should be. Why? Because it can leave you wide open to be manipulated.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why it’s so unhealthy and what you can do to rediscover who you are.

Once you learn this crucial information, you will be compelled to take the steps needed for self-discovery so that you won’t let others define you.

This post will explain the problem of not knowing who you are so that you can get on the road to self-knowledge.

Not Knowing Who You Are

If you don’t know yourself, you’re much more susceptible to human predators who will exploit you. You’ll be easy to manipulate and, therefore, easy to bully.

This is why many victims of bullying end up believing everything their bullies tell them. In the end, they hate themselves and try to change. Or they try to act like something they aren’t.

Therefore, if nothing else, remember this. Self-loathing, self-consciousness, and low self-esteem come from not knowing who you are

And they kill peace and happiness. So, what else happens when you don’t know yourself?

Not Knowing Who You Are:

1. You may carry UNNECESSARY Guilt.

Victims of bullying try to prove themselves because they feel guilty for something. And sadly, you don’t have to be a victim of bullying to do this.

All it takes is for the media to brainwash you. Then they can make you believe you’re somehow responsible for all the world’s problems.

But understand this right now! You are not responsible for someone else’s actions.

For example, you see people degrading themselves every day because they don’t want others to label them racist. You saw them take a knee six years ago.

And now, they’re tolerating blatant abuse, and for what? To prove they aren’t racist, or (gasp!) xenophobic?

Maybe they’re trying not to look Islamophobic. So, they allow certain atrocities against anyone with pale skin to prove that they aren’t.

And while they give suicidal empathy, those who knowingly commit violent crimes are laughing. And why would they stop if they know they’ll get away with it?

If you’re carrying guilt that isn’t your burden to carry, stop it right now. Know that a fearful person is a controllable person. Don’t be that person!

Don’t be the person who is constantly trying to prove something to others because, in the end, you only demean and degrade yourself. Realize that you don’t need validation from them.

Not Knowing Who You Are:

If you know who you are, you have nothing to prove.

‘You see? Here’s the thing. If you know who you are, you know you aren’t any of the labels people try to stick you with. Therefore, you don’t have to prove anything.

If you haven’t done anything wrong, then what do you have to feel guilty about?  And why virtue signal? Why pander when you don’t have to?

2. You kiss ass and eat shit to prove your virtue.

I hate racism, xenophobia, and homophobia with a passion as much as you do. I hate anything that bullies people because they’re different.

However, I won’t take responsibility for sins that aren’t mine. And I’ll never pander to prove anything because I don’t have to.

I know who I am. And I know my virtues are there whether they’re visible or not. Therefore, I let my character speak for itself.

And that’s what you should do too. Let the truth do the talking. Don’t run from conflict. And stop being afraid that others will label you. Some people are going to do that anyway.

And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. You can’t control what other people are going to do.

Not Knowing Who You Are:

3. You Let Others Define You.

Define yourself, or others will do it for you.

Bullies may think they know you, and they may attempt to define who you are. However, only you know the definition of who you are.

By having the audacity to tell us who we are, bullies attempt to force us to replace our thoughts of ourselves with theirs. Moreover, they also try to play God.

In doing this, bullies also want to force us to deny our beliefs and convictions. When we let them do this, we ultimately deny ourselves.

They want us to tell ourselves that what they did to us was all in our minds and only make-believe. But they are the ones who live in a world of make-believe.

Understand that to accept someone else’s definition of you, you must discard your own. When you allow bullies to dictate your inner reality, you lose bits and pieces of yourself.

And little by little, you lose awareness of your emotions. You do it each time you allow them to determine your self-definition. Then you eventually grow numb.

4. You care too much about what the wrong people think.

When you worry about the opinions of the wrong people, your self-esteem is low.

Instead of worrying about the opinions of people who don’t care about you anyway, be the person you are. Be the person who shows love only to those who reciprocate it.

Most of all, be the person whose positivity, love, and good deeds speak for themselves. Remember that we’re all human beings deserving of dignity and love.

Refuse to bend over backwards for approval. Everywhere you look, you see those with a victim mentality. Moreover, you see people running around in fear, carrying unnecessary guilt.

Even worse, you see those who degrade themselves to tear off labels bullies have attached to them. Don’t be one of those people. No one determines your worth but you.

Only those who don’t know themselves will bend over backwards and jump through hoops to prove themselves.

Not Knowing Who You Are:

5. You suppress legitimate emotions.

For example, when you cry about a hurt that cuts you to the core, bullies will often invalidate your pain. Moreover, they’ll replace it with their perceptions of it.

They do it by making these biting statements:

“It isn’t that serious!”

“You’re too sensitive!”

“Oh, boo-friggin-hoo! You’re just a little crybaby trying to get attention!”

“Grow up!”

“Put your big-girl panties on!”

“Get over it!”

Understand that when you feel sadness, you feel sadness. And when you’re angry, you’re angry, and you should allow yourself to feel those emotions. So do it, even if others try to trivialize them.

No one has a right to tell you how to feel. Ever!

In making these types of statements, bullies cause you to feel guilty for being a person. However, realize that bullies don’t see you as a person with thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and convictions.

They see you as an abject- a robot they can control. Moreover, bullies don’t see you as an independent and separate being.

They see you as a subject who’s only here for their purpose, pleasure, and entertainment. In their minds, your sole purpose on earth is to make them feel powerful. Nothing more.

So, instead of allowing you to own your truth, bullies will tell you what your truth is, or should be. And they’ll force-feed it to you and cram it down your throat.

BONUS ANSWERS:

Not Knowing Who You Are:

6. You’ll ignore your instincts.

And if you’re not careful, you’ll allow their statements to overtake you. Therefore, you’ll allow their perceptions to replace yours. You’ll begin to see yourself through their eyes until you let them blind you to your true nature.

You’ll slowly lose sight of yourself until you don’t know who you are anymore. Even worse, you’ll lose the intuition that they’re abusing you.

And you will no longer know when to protect yourself. Why? Because you’ll grow numb to the abuse. Realize that this is how bullies and abusers train you not to defend yourself.

And once they succeed, they then have you right where they want you. This is how bullies slowly and subtly take the fight out of victims and render them pacifists.

7. You’ll feel compelled to take abuse.

This is when you put yourself in danger. When you feel so guilty that you allow others to abuse you, you’ve been brainwashed to the greatest extent.

Too many people allow others to abuse them. Why? Because they don’t want the world to see them as racists, or Islamophobes, or whatever the label of the day is.

Moreover, they think they owe them a piece of their ass because “these people are an oppressed group.” Right?

Understand this right now. No one has the right to bully and abuse you. I don’t give a damn what race or religion they are. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how “disadvantaged” a bully is. Wrong is wrong. Abuse is still abuse.

And you have every right to defend yourself. Period. Full stop!

Not knowing Who You Are:

In Conclusion

Do not fall for the propaganda bullies spew. Know who you are. Protect your self-esteem. Why? Because when you know yourself inside and out, you will be able to withstand your bullies’ attacks.

Therefore, do all you can to maintain your sense of self. Refuse to accept others’ opinions and definitions of you.

Never allow others to trick you into believing that they know you better than you know yourself. The truth is that you know yourself better than anyone else in the entire world. Why? Because you’re the only one other than God who lives inside you.

Realize that bullies are persistent. So, hold on to your beliefs and convictions. It’s okay to have your likes, dislikes, and preferences.

Moreover, hold on to your authenticity, autonomy, and your ability to decide when something doesn’t feel good. All of these add up and equal your self-definition. Your worth doesn’t depend on others’ ability to see it.

Your self-definition, sense of self, self-belief, autonomy, confidence, and self-esteem are like precious gems. And you must guard them against thieves who wish to take them.

This post is all about the consequences of not knowing who you are so that you won’t let others replace your self-definition. Instead, you’ll stand strong against bullies, abusers, and master manipulators.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Easy Ways

2.  Low Self-Esteem: 11 Easy and Effective Ways to Overcome It

3. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

4. Seeking Validation: 9 Ways It Only Exacerbates Bullying

5. How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

6. Know Your Worth: 4 Reasons It’s Important

what bullies do when the victim is unavailable psychology

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable: 5 Ways They React

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Want to know what bullies do when the victim is unavailable? Here are all the ways they react after their target leaves the environment.

what bullies do when the victim is unavailable

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Bullies can’t handle it if they don’t have someone to victimize. So, what do they do when no one is around they can subjugate?

In this post, you will learn what bullies do when the victim is unavailable so that you can discover how evil they are.

Once you discover this valuable information, you will know more about the psychology of bullies, and it may help you to stand stronger.

This post is about what bullies do when the victim is unavailable to allow you to pick their brains and get a glimpse into their mindsets.

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable

What scares bullies the most is losing power.

When you aren’t available to bully, it drives your bullies up the wall. Do you want to know why? It’s because they need someone to tear down.

Without a victim, bullies don’t know what to do. They thrive on having someone to jerk around. So, what do they do when you’re not available?

1. They run you down behind your back.

Not that they don’t do that anyway. However, these people have a sick obsession with you. Therefore, they talk trash because you consume their minds.

And they can’t wait for you to return, and they can pick up where they left off.

2. They miss the control they once had.

For example, if you quit your job or transfer schools, your bullies may become angry. Why? Because you’re out of their reach.

They no longer have control over you. You see? When you walk away from the bullying environment, so does their power. And it drives them batty!

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

3. They search for a new victim.

If you leave permanently, they’ll look for someone else to jerk around once you’re gone. And it may take a week or two. However, you can bet that without the next week or two, you’ll see them messing with a new person.

4. But what they do mostly is eat their own.

I saw this happen at Oakley High School and even in the workplace. When there are no targets left, bullies will begin to turn on one of their own group members.

Understand that even the inner circle of the clique has a pecking order. Every clique has a leader, second-in-command, third, all the way down to the bottom rat.

And if their targets aren’t available, the clique will turn on the bottom rat. Then, she will be the new target.

And if the bottom rat’s not available, the poor sucker on the second rung up is the one who will catch hell.

Shit rolls downhill and lands on the bottom. Therefore, whoever is unfortunate enough to be at the bottom will be bullied.

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

5. They fight among themselves.

Sometimes, the targets don’t have to be unavailable. I stood back and watched a lot of back-biting between the members of the bully cliques.

A few would go out with the other friends’ boyfriends or girlfriends behind their backs. And when they’d see them at school the following Monday, they’d smile in their faces.

When I saw this, it made me thankful not to be in with that group. No sane person wants such strange, twisted, and dysfunctional friendships.

With them, it was back-to-back ego trips. What most targets and wannabes at OHS considered a curse, a few others considered a blessing.

I could deal with not being in the in-crowd; that was fine and dandy. What I had an issue with was that none of those creeps would leave me alone, go on about their business, and get a life.

Therefore, you should never worry about being in the in-crowd. Why? Because it’s not the way to feel validated.

You’re just as awesome without them. You’re also freer! Because if you’re not in a clique, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s unwritten rules or standards.

You’re free to be yourself and do your own thing. And there is nothing better!

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

Bullies crave power.

Remember that bullies must always have someone to look down on. And it’s because it’s the only way they can feel better about themselves.

They need someone to dump on to feel powerful. And they need someone to tell what to do and ride roughshod over to feel superior.

Therefore, if their usual targets aren’t available, the bullies at the top will turn on the lowest members of their own group. And they will degrade them until their regular victim returns.

Why Bullies Eat Their Own

Simple. To feel almighty and powerful. Bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them.

It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a long period of time, years even. It’s because that “drug” wears off rather quickly.

Therefore, it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

bullies also lose power when you begin seeing through them.

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light?

Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once you see through your bullies, your confidence will get a big boost. You will realize that you aren’t the one with the issues. And you never were.

Instead, you’ll find that the bullies were the ones who had the issues all along. Then, you’ll finally have the courage to give the bullies the proverbial middle finger.

And you’ll tell them all to eat a fat one.

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

A sudden shift in the power dynamic.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift.  The scales of power will automatically tip in your favor. And you will no longer be a victim. The best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Once you refuse to be a victim, bullies no longer have power over you. Therefore, this is another reason why bullies end up eating their own.

But before they eat their own, they’ll search for outsiders to target.

When they spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” Bullies will watch them closely.

Next, they’ll launch subtle attacks and insults to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do when things don’t go quite the way they expect?

What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Targeting someone in the in-group is usually a last resort.

Therefore, if there’s no one left to bully, they select one of their own.

That’s right! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward. So, they start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power. And the reason for it is that they can’t get power any other way.

Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

In Conclusion

Realize that bullies have a constant craving for power. And if their primary victim isn’t around to give it to them, they’ll find someone else who will.

Here’s a quick recap. Without their regular victim, bullies will:

  • Run you down behind your back.
  • Miss the power they once had.
  • Search for a new victim.
  • Eat their own
  • Fight amongst themselves.

Therefore, if you know a victim who has left, keep your eyes peeled. And make sure that you don’t become the next victim.

This post is about what bullies do when the victim is unavailable so that you understand the mindsets they have and protect yourself from becoming the next victim.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullies Eat Their Own: 3 Reasons Bullies Bully within Their Group

2. Cliques and Bullying: 3 Dirty Secrets Cliques Try to Hide

3. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things That Terrify Bullies

bullying from the victims point of view psychology

Bullying From The Victim’s Point of View

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Want to know bullying from the victim’s point of view? Here are all the personal experiences victims face.

bullying from the victims point of view

Photo by D-Keine from Getty Images Signature

Want to know what life is like for a victim of bullying? In this post, we will discuss bullying from the victim’s point of view.

And once you realize what it’s like to be the victim of relentless bullying, you will get a better picture of what they go through.

This post is all about bullying from the victim’s point of view, so you will see what the world is like through their eyes.

Bullying from The Victim’s Point of View

Through the eyes of a victim of bullying, the world becomes a scary place. After you’ve been bullied for so long, almost everything terrifies you.

Instead of a friendly place, the world becomes threatening.

Survival Mode.

You start to avoid people and social situations. Why? Because you’re afraid. In short, you lose all faith in humanity.

Everything becomes threatening. You’re stuck in defense mode, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The ability to think becomes blurry. You drown in self-doubt and lose the ability to distinguish fact from opinion. Therefore, you lose the ability to make smart decisions.

You’re always on guard. You trust no one because you can’t afford to. Again, everyone becomes a threat. Even total strangers are threatening.

You can’t give anyone a chance because you’re so afraid of being hurt again. And why not? Your classmates or coworkers have done you wrong for so long. So, who’s to say that others won’t do the same?

Anyone could bully you at any time. Therefore, you must always watch your back and cover your behind. You must continually look over your shoulder. You observe those around you for signs of hostility.

It feels as if you have a mark on you that everyone but you can see. And maybe it’s why others always seem to come after you.

As much as you want to get rid of that mark, you don’t know how.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

Bullying changes you.

You’ll never be the same person you were before bullies began targeting you. When you’ve been a target of long-term bullying, jokes stop being funny.

Why? Because you automatically feel they are somehow aimed at you. Bullying fills a person with dread. And with good reason.

You lose all confidence. Your self-esteem falls like a meteor until it hits rock bottom. Therefore, your mind is poisoned with the belief that you can never do anything right.

You used to be happy, confident, and carefree. Moreover, you used to be confident. In fact, you once felt like you could do anything and that anything was possible.

But now, you see yourself as a failure. It seems as if you screw up everything you touch. Why? Because your bullies have told you that you’re no good. They’ve repeated this line over and over again.

And they’ve drummed this garbage into your head for so long that you believe it too now. You automatically expect to fail in social situations. And sadly, you usually do.

Why? Because that belief has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You Bury Your Emotions, Stuffing Down Every Tear.

You want to cry but can’t. Why? Because you can’t bear for them to see you cry! Your pride – what little you have left – won’t let you.

Therefore, you don’t give them the satisfaction.

So, you go home that afternoon. And you hide in the privacy of your bedroom. You cry, you scream, and you beat your fists against your pillow.

Through your tears, you release years of pinned-up rage that has festered like a cancerous boil. You fly into a rage and destroy your own bedroom, turning the damn place upside down!

What you really want to do is beat the living hell out of your bullies. You’re not really beating the pillow. No. In your mind, you are beating the living daylights out of them, every single one of them!

You want to do to them what they have done to you.

You Feel Like a Walking, Talking Mistake.

No matter how hard you try to hide your flaws, everyone seems to see them. You feel that the only thing you have going for you is that you aren’t dead.

And the exhaustion is overwhelming.

You’ve tried to hold it together for so long, but you’ve grown tired. Soon, you start experiencing unexpected, uncontrollable meltdowns.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You don’t think you’ll ever stop being a target.

There’s that sinking feeling that there’s no possibility of ever overcoming it. Other victims might rise above it. But they aren’t you. So, you don’t think that you ever will.

Therefore, life feels as if love, success, and anything good are for anyone who isn’t you.

You’re physically and emotionally Exhausted.

You’re dog tired. Tired of having to fight to get through the day! You’re sick of constantly ducking and dodging everyone! You’re tired of lying low!

Moreover, you’re sick of having to grow eyes in the back of your head! Tired of being held hostage for eight long hours every day! Tired of others holding you to double standards!

You aren’t just tired; you’re exhausted! Your bullies have worn you down. They’ve trampled your personhood and your rights to be yourself. They’ve stripped away your confidence and crushed your self-esteem.

Moreover, they’ve ridiculed your goals and dreams.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

The bullying begins making you physically sick.

The constant stress starts to come out with unexplained illnesses. You suffer splitting headaches and violent bouts of nausea.

You are so distraught that when lunch arrives, you can’t even eat. Your stomach is in knots and your head pounds from the stress of being the outcast of your school. The nausea is intense!

You’re shaky inside. You feel tired and run down all the time now.

Even worse, you pass out from panic attacks, and you can no longer sleep at night. Your weight drops. And the overwhelming stress causes your hair to fall out.

Bullying turns you into someone you no longer recognize.

You feel as if people are torturing you. Because you’re in constant fight-or-flight mode and your mind is in overdrive. Moreover, you don’t know who you are anymore. You’ve become a stranger to yourself.

In essence, you turn against yourself because it seems as if the entire world has turned against you.

‘You see? It’s one thing to have people look down on you. However, it’s another when you allow them to cause you to look down on yourself.

Bullying from the Victim’s point of View:

You blame yourself for being bullied.

You think something must be wrong with you but don’t know what it is.

You’re too afraid to tell your own family what’s happening.

At home, you stare at your family members, wanting so badly to tell them what you’re going through.  But you’re much too afraid. If you tell them, how will they respond?

Will they support you or will they judge you? Will they give you advice you know doesn’t work? And will they give you some long lecture? You don’t know, and you’re not willing to take a chance.

Moreover, you’re ashamed. When you’re bullied, you carry a lot of shame. Why? Because you feel weak. Because people bully you, you feel like a wuss!

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You become jealous of everyone else’s friendships and relationships.

You wonder when the day will finally come when you can be like everyone else. And you fantasize about strolling along easily, enjoying friends, laughing it up, and having the time of your life.

You look around and watch everyone else having fun. You watch as girls flirt with their boyfriends and boys snake an arm around their chosen ladies. And you wonder, “How do they do it?”

You watch as they get to enjoy real friendships. They get invites to birthday parties, slumber parties, camping trips, and dates.

You watch them laugh playfully with each other; you can see the happiness in their eyes. And these are the same eyes that look at you with disgust.

The look of joy all over their faces is enough to make you sick!  You want to be happy for them, but you don’t have it in you. Instead, you can’t help but to resent the hell out of their happiness and blessings.

Why? Because these are the blessings that you yearn to have. In fact, you’d give your right arm for them if that’s what it took! Blessings that they seem to take for granted!

You wonder, “Why can’t I have that? Why? I’m important too. Don’t I deserve to have friends?” But God seems to be too busy to answer.

Bullying from the Victim’s point of View:

You burn with resentment because these are the same people who destroyed your chances of having the same things they have.

They have killed every opportunity for you to make friends of your own. And they have squashed your dating opportunities.

Moreover, they have taken all of your accomplishments and good qualities and trampled them underfoot. You soon become bitter and wish to destroy their friendships.

Why? Because they deserve to be taught what that feels like. You want so bad to trade places with them. It seems that your lot in life is to wander this earth alone.

You watch as some of them even say horrible things behind their friends’ backs. But you notice that, strangely, the slighted friend is quick to forgive them.

Therefore, they get to go on being buddies, as if nothing ever happened. But you? If you so much as look the wrong way, they want to tear you to pieces.

But wait! Don’t they already do that? They tear you apart every day and have been for years. And for simply having the gall to exist! They punish you for the sin of being you!

To them, you aren’t even human.

The isolation is soul-crushing

You’ve tried reporting the bullying. And you’ve tried asking for help. But your cries were only ignored. You soon realize that no one will help you.

And why would they? They know not to.

You begin a downward spiral into hopelessness and despair. You have nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. And why not? Your bullies have alienated you from everyone.

It seems that your bullies can’t get enough of seeing you suffer. In fact, they want you dead, but they don’t have the guts to kill you.

They don’t want to go to prison. So, they torment you instead, hoping and praying you will do it for them.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You begin thinking that maybe you don’t belong here.

You are desperate for a change. You yearn for relief, but there is no sign of refuge. You want justice, but it seems that it never comes. This is a situation that you can no longer see an end to.

Then you begin to think that maybe death wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At least no one could hurt you again. You start to think of ways to die.

Before long, death becomes an obsession. You believe your life is one big curse. And you want to end that curse. Death seems to be the only escape from an earthly hell that you have been forced to live.

You are worth fighting for. And you are worth living FOR!

Now you must choose. Should you keep living in hell, or should you resign yourself and end it all? I hope you chose the first option.

As long as there is still breath in your body, there’s always hope for a better tomorrow!

I was there once upon a time. But I got mad! I didn’t only get angry at them for driving me into that dark pit of hopelessness. I got pissed at myself for letting them do that to me!

And when I got angry at myself, I started working on changing my attitude. That’s when things began to get better!

My bullies may have brought me down, but they couldn’t keep me there. I didn’t stay down for long. I clawed my way back up!

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

Don’t give up hope!

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, and this describes you now, I want to give you a big hug.

I also want to tell you that things may look bad now, but they won’t always be. You will see the sun again.

Hang on to self-love. Keep your strong sense of self. Please don’t allow your bullies to force you to see yourself through their eyes. Instead, believe in yourself, even when no one else does.

Bullies may turn everyone else against you. Just don’t let them turn you against yourself. No matter what, you’re worth it! And you deserve friendship, love, and happiness just as much as anyone else!

Stand strong, and you will overcome.

This post DESCRIBED bullying from the victim’s point of view so you’ll know that you aren’t alone.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Dehumanization: 10 Ways Bullies Dehumanize You

2.  Survivors of Bullying: How It Feels to Overcome

3. When Victims of Bullying Snap: What Really Happens?

4. Bullying and The Human Stress Response

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Bad Bullying Advice: 20 Unhelpful Suggestions You’ll Likely Hear

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When you’re being bullied, there will be many know-it-all people who will give you bad bullying advice. Here’s what you’ll likely hear and how you can respond to such nonsense.

bad bullying advice

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Bad bullying advice is everywhere. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the terrible advice you will likely hear from people in power.

Once you discover all these unhelpful responses, you will recognize them when you hear them. And you will have the confidence to call them out and counter them when those in authority try to use one or more of them on you.

This post will list all the bad bullying advice victims of bullying often hear so that you can stand up to it boldly.

Bad Bullying Advice

Anytime a target is bullied in school or college, adults can give some of the most ridiculous advice. In fact, some of it is downright ludicrous.

These people think they have all the answers. Moreover, they offer snake oil remedies that have no chance of producing positive results.

This isn’t to say that those who give the advice don’t mean well. Most of the time, they do. It only comes from a lack of knowledge.

However, teachers and school officials often give the same advice. And not only out of laziness, but as a subtle way of blaming you.

They do it to shut you up. And just maybe, they hope you’ll forget about it and let the bullies off the hook. I write this from personal experience.

Personal Experience.

I can tell you that I got loads of advice back in the day. And it wasn’t only ineffective. It was counterproductive.

Some of it was from a few well-meaning family members who didn’t know better. Most of it was from lazy teachers and principals who didn’t want to be bothered.

And when I took their advice, it produced no results. And I felt let down.

Types of Bad Bullying advice victims in school hear from Adults.

Here is a list of bad advice adults would give me when I was in school.

1. “Ignore them.”

I’m sure everyone who has ever battled bullies has gotten this advice. Here are a few reasons why this rarely works.

a. Bullies seek attention. And they are relentless. Therefore, if one thing doesn’t get your attention, they will try something else. Moreover, they won’t stop until they’ve worn you down and caused you to react out of exhaustion. And, even then, they won’t stop.

b. Bullies think they’re entitled to unearned respect. Many of these bullies get extremely angry when you ignore them. Why? Because they see it as disrespect. Then, they will retaliate and continue to make you pay from that day forward.

c. Bullies mistake your ignoring them for fear. They’re like wild animals. When they smell fear (or think they do), look out! Because they’ll take full advantage until they either crush you underfoot. Or, you may blow your top, knock the taste out of their mouths, and land in trouble with school authorities or police.

The best thing to do is to come back at the bullies with something witty. Doing this will throw them off balance. Or, you can deliver a good burn to humiliate them and make them think twice about ever coming for you again.

And the next time someone tells you to ignore it, you can respond with,

“You try ignoring a bully and see how that works out for you.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

2. “Overlook Them.”

Right! It’s hard to overlook a bully who’s in your face. Many bullies get nose-to-nose with you, screaming curses and obscenities at you.

And they’ll dare you to say something back or to hit them. It’s also difficult to ignore a bully who’s beating the crap out of you after school every other day. How can you overlook or ignore that?

The best thing to do here is to tell them to back the hell off. Additionally, if the bullying gets physical, defend yourself. Put up your dukes and fight back like your life depends on it.

Here’s how you respond to this suggestion:

“Why don’t you try overlooking someone who’s shouting in your face?”

3. “Kill them with kindness.”

Shh-yeah! That may work with bully-victims. But it’ll never work with bullies infected with narcissism. Those with narcissism see kindness as weakness and will use it to crush you.

Also, they’ll come back at you much harder next time. Why? Because they see kindness as a bad reflection on them. And they can’t handle anyone who naturally makes them look like scumbags.

How you respond to this advice is to say,

“You try killing a bully with kindness. Then come back and tell me how it went.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

4. “Toughen up.” 

Toughen up? Do you know what you’re telling them to do?

Maybe you may tell the kid that bullying will toughen them up. This is the equivalent of having a baseball bat taken to your legs and having both limbs broken. Then they assure you that the bone will be even stronger than before once it heals. I’m sure you get the point.

It is this type of attitude which allows the abuse to continue and re-victimizes the victim! Here is why I think that it’s the stupidest response an adult can give to a child or teen

You are indirectly and maybe unknowingly shifting the blame back onto the poor child. Moreover, you’re sending the message that the harassment is his fault because he is weak.

Here’s another thing to think about. Kids and teens will take the “toughen up” response as the go-ahead to defend themselves. Now, this is not a bad thing. Kids should be encouraged to defend themselves from bullying.

However, when you tell a kid to “toughen up” and then turn around and punish them for doing so, that’s when it’s a problem.

As a result, they’ll only be confused about what to do the next time they are bullied. Lastly, bullying may toughen most kids up. However, it shuts some children down.

Instead of telling them to toughen up, tell them to defend themselves. When you say it this way, you aren’t blaming them. And you’re giving them your permission to fight back.

Also, if you’re a kid in school and a coach tells you to toughen up, that’s when you say,

“Okay. I’ll toughen up. But you won’t like it when I do.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

5. “Brush it off.”

Have you ever heard that bit of advice? They want you to brush it off. Not defend yourself and not respond. Just brush it off like it isn’t a big deal.

However, bullying is a big deal. And that’s why you must respond to verbal abuse. And you must defend yourself. It’s the only way to make them stop.

6. “Keep a Low Profile.”

What does it mean to keep a low profile? It means to stay out of sight. When someone gives you this lousy advice, they’re basically telling you to hide – to reduce your visibility.

This kind of advice is absurd for two reasons. Number one, you shouldn’t have to hide from anyone. And, number two, you have just as much right to be seen as anyone else.

Well-intentioned adults may believe that keeping out of sight will prevent escalation. Moreover, they might think that it will give you immediate safety. And it just might. But only for the time being.

Realize that hiding doesn’t address the bullying. Unless you address it, it will continue.

“Nope! I’m not hiding from anyone!”

Bad Bullying Advice:

7. “Keep your nose clean.”

Adults may tell you to “keep your nose clean” when they want you to avoid trouble. In giving this terrible advice, they advise you not to defend yourself and avoid conflict.

This may work for the moment. However, it only causes bullies to escalate the behavior in the long run.

Also, school staff may say this as a subtle way of blaming you for their behavior. Teachers often made this suggestion when I reported bullying. And it pissed me off to no end!

8. “Tread Lightly.”

Here’s another piece of rotten advice. Well-meaning school officials may use this advice to keep you from defending yourself. But only because they’re afraid the bullying will escalate and the bullies will retaliate.

Moreover, they may think that if you fly under the radar, things will cool down. Another thing to think about is that these adults may feel powerless to stop the bullying themselves. That’s fair enough.

School staff who don’t care will also suggest that you “tread lightly.” But they’ll do it for different reasons. They may tell you this to blame you. It’s their way of telling you to keep your mouth shut and not to cause a big stink.

Let them know in no uncertain terms that you won’t tiptoe around anyone. And mean it!

“No way! I’m not walking on eggshells to keep from making them angry.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

9. “Don’t rock the boat.”

This piece of advice has undertones of victim-blaming. When adults tell a bullied kid not to “rock the boat,” they say it out of laziness. It’s easier to silence the victim.

They’re telling you not to make a big deal out of it to cover their own butts. Moreover, staff may do it to protect the bullies. Why? Because many bullies are stars on the school sports teams.

They make the school look good. And they have to keep their reputations clean. They make it your responsibility to keep the peace. But don’t fall for this garbage. Stand up to it.

You can always come back with,

“Um! No! They rocked the boat when they started messing with me! And if they keep it up, I’ll tip the darn thing over!”

10. “Don’t make waves.”

This suggestion has the same meaning and reasons as “don’t rock the boat.” Again, schools tell victims this because they’re afraid of being exposed as bullying cesspits.

Therefore, they make you responsible for their reputations. You can always respond with,

“No. It’s not my responsibility to protect the school’s reputation. That’s your job.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

11. “Tone it down a little.”

When people tell the victim to tone it down, they’re really telling them to suppress themselves. They’re also blaming you for your bullies’ behavior.

What they are doing is attempting to silence your voice so the bullies won’t get angry. However, you should never make yourself invisible to make others feel better.

The next time someone gives you this advice, you can say,

“No. I refuse to shrink down to make other people feel better. I’m not responsible for their feelings or their behavior.”

12. “Don’t draw attention to yourself.”

Indeed, you shouldn’t draw negative attention to yourself. That sounds reasonable. However, if you’re being bullied in school, adults may tell you this to silence you. It also implies that the bullying is your fault.

Speaking out isn’t negative; it’s brave. Moreover, bullied kids may take it as being told they should hide or suppress themselves.

Therefore, this advice isn’t good because it can cause you to go silent. The next time someone gives you this suggestion, you can say,

“No. I’m not responsible for their behavior. They are.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

13. “Stay out of their way.”

This advice only blames the victim. Moreover, it teaches them to hide from bullies.

There’s nothing wrong with avoiding toxic people. It’s something we should all do for our own mental health. However, what if the bullies are actively looking for you?

How do you stay out of their way when they always manage to find you even when you avoid them? Do they think you’re supposed to run from them?

I can tell you this from experience. If you run from bullies, you’ll be running for the rest of your life. At some point, you’ll need to stand up for yourself.

Therefore, if you ever hear this advice from teachers, you can respond with,

“With all due respect, staying out of their way isn’t going to solve the problem. It’s not my responsibility to tiptoe around them. I’ll avoid them as much as I can. But when I can’t, it’s your responsibility to protect me while I’m at school.”

14. “Keep your head down.”

In other words, they’re telling you to shrink yourself. To duck down and make yourself invisible! Adults who give you this suggestion usually do it because of their own past trauma.

They may also do it because they’re exhausted. These are legitimate reasons. It doesn’t make it right.

Again, you shouldn’t have to hide from anyone to feel safe. So, tell them,

“I shouldn’t have to hide to be safe. And I refuse to do so. Hiding doesn’t address the problem. It compounds it.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

15. “Don’t poke the Bear.”

This suggestion is blatant victim-blaming. Remember that most bullies look for and pursue their victims. Therefore, how are you “poking the bear” when they’re the ones coming after you?

They might as well tell you that just your being there is provoking your bullies. And it’s absurd! Therefore, call it out to their faces. You can say,

“It’s them who are coming after me. They are the ones who approach me in the hallways. They are the ones who catch me in the bathroom. So, how am I the one who’s poking the bear? This is victim-blaming, and I refuse to accept blame for their behavior.

16. “Make Yourself scarce.”

Adults believe that this advice will immediately stop the bullying. However, they’re dead wrong. When someone tells you to “make yourself scarce,” what they’re really telling you is to stay hidden.

Or they’re saying that you should run from your bullies. Avoiding bullies is wise. Don’t get me wrong. We should all avoid human predators.

However, bullies are relentless. If they can’t find you, they will look for you. And they will look until they find you. Then what?

Realize that they’re trying to make you responsible for someone else’s actions. Therefore, stand up to them by saying,

“No. You’re trying to put it off on me, and I refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior. I’ll avoid them as much as possible. But if they’re hellbent on finding me, that’s not on me.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

17. “Be nonchalant.”

Now, this doesn’t sound like bad advice. Why? Because, when it comes to bullying, being nonchalant can mean not reacting emotionally.

So, in this context, it’s good advice. Why? Because when you starve a bully of an emotional reaction, you take the wind out of their sail.

However, a bullied kid can also take this advice to mean ignoring the bully. And most bullies see ignoring them as fear, disrespect, or permission to continue their behavior. When adults don’t explain to the child that nonchalance doesn’t mean you don’t respond, that’s when it’s bad.

Therefore, you should ask them to clarify that statement and see what they say.

18. “Stay out of trouble.”

This is bad advice on its face. Why? Because staying out of trouble is much easier said than done when you’re a target of bullies.

When adults tell bullied kids to stay out of trouble, it’s laughable at best. In fact, they usually give this suggestion to targets who defend themselves.

The best response here is to look at them with pity and shake your head.

Bad Bullying Advice:

19. “Go the Extra Mile.”

This statement can have several different contexts. If by telling you to go the extra mile, the teacher means to work harder on your lessons and be more successful to show your bullies up, I can respect this.

After all, your teacher wants to see you show them up. So, this kind of advice can be helpful.

However, if it means being extra nice to your bullies because “it will stop the harassment,” then it’s terrible advice. Why? Because bullies will think you’re kissing their ass. And they’ll get a kick out of it and treat you worse.

Therefore, look at context before responding.

20. “Try to blend in.”

This isn’t necessarily bad advice. It depends on context and who’s giving it. Many adults who tell you to do this have good intentions behind it. Reducing visibility to bullies does help, but only in the short term.

It doesn’t solve the problem. You can’t hide forever. Eventually, you’ll have to stand up to them.

In Conclusion

If you’ve been a victim of bullies, how many of these pieces of advice did you hear?

This post is all about bad bullying advice so that you’ll recognize it when you hear it and call it out.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2.  What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

3. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do 

bullying and intimidation in the workplace

Bullying and Intimidation: 17 Ways Bullies Try to Rattle You

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‘Want to know all about bullying and intimidation? Here are all the tactics bullies use to rattle you.

bullying and intimidation

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Bullies bully not only to harm but to intimidate you so that you won’t defend yourself. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about bullying and intimidation so you’ll know the tactics bullies use to scare you.

Once you discover all these techniques, you will be better able to stand up to them and take your power back.

This post is all about bullying and intimidation so that you’ll know all the tactics bullies use to instill fear. Then you can recognize them when they try to use them on you. And you’ll be better prepared to defend yourself.

Bullying and Intimidation

Bullies will often do things to rattle you before they get violent. Before we reveal the tactics, let’s first discuss rattling.

Rattling

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle their targets to intimidate them and throw them off balance. Why? Because if the victim is on the back foot, they can’t fight back as effectively.

Here are tactics they use (The first 8 are done mostly in school settings).

1. Deliberately knocking over your drink and spilling it.

The reason abusers do this is to assert dominance over you. They may also spill your drink to humiliate you in public.

Physical bullies do it to provoke you to fight.

Moreover, they may also do it for plausible deniability. For instance, the bully may knock your tray on the floor during lunch. When you stand up and confront them, they can then claim that “it was an accident” and make you look unhinged.

Bullying and Intimidation:

2. Plucking a piece of food from your plate and popping it in their mouths.

At school, during lunch, your bully may snatch a French fry off your tray and eat it as they walk by your table. They do this for several reasons.

One is to test your boundaries. When a bully takes a piece of your food, see it as a challenge. Why? Because the unspoken message is, “Hey, wimp! I just took a piece of your food. So, what are you going to do about it?”

This is just another form of nonverbal bullying that dares you to assert yourself. Moreover, bullies also do it to intimidate you and assert dominance.

By pulling this number, they slyly lay claim to what’s yours. And they do it without drawing too much attention and risking confrontation.

3. Kicking your purse or backpack over with their foot.

This tactic is all about dominance. Human predators may also kick over your stuff to intimidate you. Whatever the reason, they do it to invade your personal space. Also, they destroy your dignity and sense of security.

You see? By using this tactic, they can violate your physical space without resorting to direct physical beatings. Therefore, they can humiliate you and emotionally destabilize you.

Bullying and Intimidation:

4. Flinging Your Hair Back.

If you’re a girl, bullies may fling your hair to violate your physical space. This is to assert dominance and control without an overt physical attack.

They may also pull or grab your hair, especially if it’s long. Long hair is just another thing abusers can exploit. When a bully grabs your hair, not only can they inflict instant pain, they can also control your movements.

Hair is the ultimate power-grab for human predators.

5. Flicking your nose with one finger.

Bullies may flick your nose to assert dominance. Moreover, they may also do it to dare you to hit them.

If an audience is present, they may do it to humiliate you. In bully-speak, they do it to “punk you out.”

6. Giving you a non-friendly slap on the back. 

Again, human predators do this to assert physical dominance without looking aggressive. Moreover, they send you the message that they can violate you physically without looking like it.

Then, they don’t have to worry about getting into trouble with authority.

By doing this, they can also inflict a stinging pain on your body. And they can intimidate you. They also do it to humiliate you in public. Why? Because bystanders know the slap on the back isn’t friendly.

Therefore, you end up looking like a punk.

Bullying and Intimidation:

7. Glaring at you from across a crowded room.

And why not? Because who’s paying attention? They know that in a crowd, others are less likely to notice this subtle tactic.

Therefore, to counter these types of sneak attacks. You must be just as sneaky. For instance, when you see the bully glaring at you, mirror his behavior.

In other words, return a hard, cold stare of your own. This lets the bully know that he doesn’t intimidate you.

8. Shoulder-Checking you as they walk past you.

Human predators pull this tactic to dare you. They also do it to signal that they’re ready for a physical showdown.

Therefore, you need to defend yourself. And you’ll have to do it using physical means. Why? Because it’s the only way you’ll get them to stop. Remember that bullies only respond to strength.

Bullying and Intimidation:

9. Knocking your cap off your head.

Just like the tactics we’ve already discussed, bullies do it to dare you. The message is, “I knocked your hat off. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Also, they do it because they’re looking for a fight. Why else would he invade your space like this? He is clearly trying to provoke you!

If you don’t respond appropriately, they will only escalate the behavior. But if you stand up to them, they’ll likely back off.

10. Making the T-Stance.

This is when they look at you. Then, they stand with their feet apart and open their arms wide, making a T-like posture. Bullies do this to dare you.

The message is, “Here I am! Bring it! Come on! I dare you!”

11. Making deliberate, sudden movements toward you.

For example, bullies may suddenly raise their fist to you. They may act like they’re going to punch your lights out. Or, they may lunge at you out of the blue. Then, they stop themselves and laugh.

Understand that they do this to startle you and get you to flinch. Bullies love to startle you. They get their kicks out of seeing you jump. Why? Because, to them, your perfectly normal reaction is proof that you’re afraid of them.

Bullying and Intimidation:

12. Doing Mock Physical Attacks.

For instance, your harasser may dance around the room and shadow box. However, by doing this, the bully is toying with you by showing you what he wants to do to you.

And he’s waiting, with bated breath, for the chance to square off. See it for what it is and refuse to let it intimidate you. For instance, you can calmly respond with one of these statements.

“Do you know how ridiculous you look?”

“Wow! Way to make yourself look like a total jackass!”

Then you can turn and walk away. Therefore, the best way to counter this type of person is to insult their intelligence. And do it in public.

This will likely make the bully back off. Why? Because bullies hate looking foolish and being called out on it.

13. Making deliberate acts look like an accident.

Most bullies won’t overtly attack you. Why? Because they don’t want to look bad in the eyes of bystanders and witnesses.

However, they hope they can make you attack them. Therefore, they do things like this to provoke you. And why not?

If they can get you to hit them, they can make you look like the bad guy.

Bullying and Intimidation:

14. Looming over you.

Bullies will loom over you to intimidate you. Moreover, they do it to signal dominance. They also loom over you when they’re ready to fight you.

They may stand over you when you’re sitting in a chair. Or, they may stand close enough behind you to physically touch you.

Again, the reason they do this is to rattle your nerves or get you to turn around and punch them. So, do what you have to do to make them back off.

But make sure that those around you know what they’re doing first.

15. “Accidentally” running into you or brushing past you.

Bullies do this to test your boundaries and see what you’ll do. Therefore, show them. No one has the right to touch you.

If you know they’re doing it on purpose, you have every right to defend yourself.

Bullying and Intimidation:

16. Targeting your sibling or best friend.

Human predators do this to get a reaction from you. Understand that if they can’t get the response they want by harassing you, they will go after someone you care about.

Therefore, do what you must to protect your loved one.

17. “Accidentally” Destroying your property.

Your bully might “accidentally” drop your music box and break it. Or they may step on your purse and break something inside it.

Realize that they’re doing it to provoke you. At the same time, if you call them out on it, they’ll claim that it was “an accident.” They’ll say they “didn’t mean to” tear up your stuff.

But you’ll know the truth just by their past behavior.

Bullying and Intimidation:

In Conclusion

Bullies will try everything outside of a direct assault just to intimidate you and dominate you. Here’s a quick recap of the intimidation tactics we just covered.

To get you rattled, bullies will resort to the following tactics.

  • Deliberately knocking over your drink and spilling it.
  • Plucking a piece of food off your plate and popping it in their mouths.
  • Kicking your purse or backpack over with their foot.
  • Flinging your hair back.
  • Flicking your nose with one finger.
  • Giving you a non-friendly slap on the back.
  • Glaring at you from across a crowded room.
  • Shoulder-checking you as they walk past you.
  • Knocking your cap off your head.
  • Making a T-stance.
  • Making deliberate, sudden movements toward you.
  • Doing mock physical attacks.
  • Making deliberate acts look like an accident.
  • Looming over you.
  • “Accidentally” running into you or brushing past you.
  • Targeting your sibling or best friend.
  • “Accidentally destroying your property.

The main goal of these tactics is to intimidate you. However, bullies may also use these techniques to assert dominance or challenge you.

They may also do it to provoke a desired reaction from you. So, see it all for what it is and what it’s designed to do. And respond accordingly.

This post is all about bullying and intimidation tactics so that you’ll recognize them when you see them and defend yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Intimidation Tactics: 15 Bully-Moves You Must be Aware of.

2. How to Expose a Bully: 5 Must-Know Tips to Rip off the Mask

3. Signs Verbal Abuse Will Turn Physical

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

6. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

self-consciousness meaning

Self-Consciousness: 7 Amazing Tips to Overcome It

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Want to know how to get rid of self-consciousness? Here are all the ways to ban it for good!

self-consciousness

Photo from Canva

In this post, you will learn about self-consciousness and how it can keep you from living the life you want.

Once you learn this life-changing information, you will be compelled to take the steps you need to overcome this ailment and live a fearless life.

This post is all about self-consciousness and the tips you need to overcome it and free yourself from judgment and others’ needless opinions.

Self-Consciousness

Self-consciousness can influence the trajectory of your life. It causes us to forgo taking risks that lead to opportunity and great outcomes. Why? Because you focus too much on what others will think.

Therefore, you become too fearful of making decisions for yourself. And you don’t follow your own path and do what fulfills you.

When they want to do something, too many people ask themselves,

  • “What will others think of me?”
  • “How will they treat me if I decide to do this?”
  • “What will my friends say?”

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly on alert. You allow these questions to replay in your mind, over and over again.

However, what if I told you that these friends and “others” are just as self-conscious as you? And what if your bullies bully and ridicule you because they are scared of what others will think of them if they don’t bully you?

However, if they loved themselves first and foremost, they wouldn’t care what others thought.

Here’s what my mother told me years ago.

“Most people worry too much about how they appear in front of others to care about how you appear. Any time someone points a finger at you, they do so from a place of insecurity. Most do it out of self-consciousness, and it should be of no consequence to you.”

Self-Consciousness:

As usual, she was right! My Mother is a wise woman.

In other words, they’re too busy monitoring themselves to monitor you. Sure, some do watch you and wait for you to screw up.

However, they do it because they want to use you to take the spotlight off their own errors. They’re so worried about how they look that they can’t wait to point out your flaws to conceal theirs.

It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book. Keeping the spotlight off your own shortcomings by highlighting someone else’s.

At the root of bullying is self. Self-servitude, self-validation, self-centeredness. But most of all, Self-consciousness.

If this isn’t a real confidence booster, nothing is! So, how do you overcome self-consciousness? Here are several powerful tips.

1. Know yourself.

Self-consciousness comes from not knowing who you are.

Let’s face it. We live in a society of three things that kill peace and happiness. And those are self-loathing, self-consciousness, and low self-esteem.

We see people with a victim mentality. Others run around in fear. Also, many carry unnecessary guilt.

Victims of bullying do things that they normally wouldn’t do. They even do things that are degrading and self-deprecating. And they do it to prove something to everyone else.

Even those who aren’t necessarily targets of bullying do these kinds of things. And they do it mostly because they have been brainwashed.

Institutions have convinced them that they’re somehow responsible for all the world’s evils. Therefore, I want you to understand that you are not responsible for someone else’s evil acts.

You can’t be. And the reason why you can’t be responsible for the horrible behavior of other people is- wait for it, wait for it…

It’s because you can never control someone else’s behavior. The only behavior you have any control over is your own.

Self-Consciousness:

Those who don’t know themselves are easy to manipulate. 

For example, several years ago, we watched the news and saw people kneeling before certain special interest groups. What’s really sad is that they were willing to degrade themselves publicly.

And these special interest groups? They never gave a damn about them in the first place. They only asked them to kneel to see if they’d comply and see how much power they could have.

Consequently, these idiots failed that test. They bent the knee and handed their power over to these interest groups.

But why? They did it to virtue signal. Those tools wanted to prove they weren’t racist, xenophobic, or homophobic.

And while these self-loathers were kneeling, those they were bowing down to only laughed. It was quite pathetic.

When you know yourself, you have nothing to prove.

‘You see? Here’s the thing. If you know who you are and you aren’t any of these things, you don’t have to prove anything.

If you know who you are, you’re the freest person in the world. Knowing yourself means knowing what you stand for. Moreover, it means realizing when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Therefore, there’s no need to bend over backwards and jump through hoops to convince them otherwise.

Virtue signaling isn’t necessary.

I hate racism, xenophobia, and homophobia with a passion. I don’t like seeing anyone being judged on anything other than their character and behavior.

However, I refuse to take responsibility for other people’s behavior. Moreover, I won’t lift a finger to prove anything to anyone. Why? Because I don’t have to.

Self-consciousness:

Your virtues are there even if they aren’t visible.

Let your goodness speak for itself. Let the truth do the talking for you. Stop being afraid of being labeled. Moreover, never be afraid of conflict.

If you’re carrying guilt that isn’t your burden to carry, stop it right now. Know that a fearful person is a controllable person. Don’t be that person!

Don’t be the person who is constantly trying to prove something. Why? Because, in the end, you only demean yourself.

Instead, be the person who hates and speaks out against evil and wrongdoing. Be the person who shows love to those who are different. Remember that we’re all human beings deserving of dignity and love.

Not everyone is going to like you.

And that’s okay! This goes no matter who you are. Even famous people have others who dislike them.

Celebrities, politicians, and athletes have those who dislike them. This alone should be proof that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Therefore, it doesn’t matter how talented or famous you are. An estimated 10-35% of those you know will not like you.

Nevertheless, you must always stay true to yourself. Stay true to your beliefs and convictions. Continue to use your God-given talents to the best of your ability. Be the best you can be.

And know that if you don’t have enemies, you’re doing something wrong. So, appreciate those who love you. Let love in and let yourself shine!

These are the benefits of knowing yourself.

Self-Consciousness:

2. REFRAME all negative thoughts about yourself into positive thoughts.

For instance, if you think to yourself, “What if I lose?” Reverse that thought. Instead, ask yourself, “What if I win?”

If you wonder, “What if everything goes wrong?” Turn it around and wonder, “What if everything goes right?”

If bullies have convinced you that you’re a loser, they have successfully programmed you to think that. Therefore, start reversing that thought. Today, begin thinking of yourself as a winner.

It may feel strange at first. However, the more you do it, the more natural it will feel.

3. Counter negative self-talk.

Handle negative self-talk the same way you do negative thoughts. Reverse them. For example, if you tell yourself, “I’ll never win that contest,” catch yourself. Then reverse the thought.

Tell yourself, “I have a great chance of winning that contest.” Or you can say, “I will win that contest.”

Self-Consciousness:

4. Focus your attention on others instead of yourself.

Instead of looking for a friend, be a friend to others. Become interested in others. Reach out to someone who’s hurting. I promise you that they’ll appreciate it so much.

5. Instead of wondering if others will like you, START wondering if you’ll like them.

When you walk into a crowded room, don’t wonder if the others there will like you. Instead, wonder whether you’ll like them.

Stop getting nervous when you meet new people. Realize that you’re nervous because you’re afraid they won’t like you. So, don’t do that!

You see? When you worry about things like this, you’re taking value from yourself and giving it to them! Not good!

Stop giving total strangers worth they haven’t earned yet!

Instead, see strangers as opportunities. Why? Because with them, you start with a clean slate. And it’s up to you to decide whether you like them.

Look at it this way. They must prove their worth to you. If a person wants your friendship, they have to earn it.

Self-Consciousness:

6. Stop caring about what people think of you.

The value you give to someone’s opinion should always depend on who they are. The problem is that you place too much value on what others think.

And you make yourself their prisoner.  In other words, the person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

So, isn’t it time you set yourself free?

7. Embrace your flaws and imperfections.

No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws, and everyone makes mistakes. Therefore, stop bending yourself into a pretzel to impress others.

Working like a dog to hide your true self and get others to approve of you is demeaning. Moreover, it’s beneath you.

Realize that some people don’t deserve that kind of effort from you. So, embrace your flaws and shortcomings. Make mistakes. Be human.

This is how you stop being self-conscious.

In Conclusion

Getting rid of self-consciousness means refusing to care what others think and living your life fearlessly. And once you do, you’ll experience freedom you’ve never known.

Let’s do a quick recap of the tips you can use to overcome self-consciousness.

  • Know yourself
  • Reframe all negative thoughts about yourself into positive thoughts.
  • Counter negative self-talk.
  • Focus your attention on others instead of yourself.
  • Instead of wondering if others will like you, start wondering if you’ll like them.
  • Stop caring about what people think of you.
  • Embrace your flaws and imperfections.

And if you need more ways to boost your confidence, go here.

This post is all about self-consciousness and the tips you can use to overcome it so that you can live a more independent life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well

2.  How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem: 7 Easy Ways

3. Low Self-Esteem: 11 Easy and Effective Ways to Overcome It

4. How to Develop Confidence and Self-Esteem: 13 Powerful Secrets!

5. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

knowing your value and worth

Knowing Your Value

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Do you know just how life-changing knowing your value can be? Here’s why this is so crucial.

knowing your value

Photo from Canva

When you look outside of yourself for value, you don’t know your value. Then, you have problems.

Therefore, in this post, you’ll learn why knowing your value matters. You’ll know why it’s important.

Once you learn this crucial information, you’ll stop looking for it from outside sources. And you’ll draw your worth from within.

This post is all about knowing your value and why it’s the best thing you can do so that you’ll no longer depend on others for it. And you’ll raise your self-esteem.

Knowing Your Value

Bullying is hurtful no matter how confident you are. We’re all human, and we all want to be accepted. Everyone desires to have a sense of belonging.

However, the effects of bullying are even more damaging when we’re insecure and look to others to give us a feeling of worth. In fact, the damage to self-esteem is exponentially more serious.

The problem is that when you look outside of yourself for value, you automatically look to others to give it to you. And when you do this, you put yourself at their mercy.

Knowing your worth is your foundation for healthy self-esteem. It’s never good to look outside of ourselves for it. Understand that your worth comes from within and never from without.

Here’s why it’s better to let your value come from the inside:

1. You can never control the environment around you.

There will be times when you find yourself in a toxic environment. When you know your value, bullying won’t have such an impact on you.

It may sting a little. But it won’t devastate you. Moreover, you won’t suppress yourself to gain acceptance. Why? You’ll know who you are.

Moreover, you’ll know why they bully you. You’ll realize that the people around you are only saying hurtful things to diminish you.

Also, when the crap gets too thick, you’ll know when it’s time to walk. In knowing yourself and knowing your worth, you’ll realize that you don’t deserve that kind of treatment. And you’ll be better off leaving that cesspit and moving on to greener pastures.

And you’ll do it without feeling guilty. You’ll know that it isn’t because you’re “chicken” or “running away from your problems.” You’ll walk away because you deserve better.

Moreover, you’ll know what’s best for you. Therefore, you won’t feel guilty about putting yourself first.

Knowing Your Value:

2. You can’t control how others act toward you.

It’s never good to rely on others’ approval to get your value. Understand that there will always be people who don’t like you. Some may even hate you.

So, when you depend solely on the approval of others, you make yourself a doormat. Please, for your own sake, don’t give another person that kind of power!

When your value comes from within, you will have respect for yourself. And you will love yourself and have great self-esteem. You will give yourself compassion and stand strong when others take pot shots at you.

You will have the confidence and courage to protect yourself and stand up to abuse. Moreover, you will know without a doubt that the idiots around you are the ones with the issues.

Your value should always come from you. Never from another. You get your value from knowing who you are and knowing that you were put on this earth for a good reason.

Realize that everyone serves a good and higher purpose here. You may not know what that purpose is. So, find that purpose and fulfill it.

Knowing your value will give you the courage to be disliked.

Years ago, I let anyone’s negative opinions of me get under my skin. However, I didn’t realize that I was giving away my power. In other words, I was allowing what people thought to control me.

After I became an adult and finally began to see my worth, I realized I was worrying over needless things. That’s when I began to ask myself,

“Have any of these morons even reached my level?”

“Do their opinions even matter?

“Who are these people that I should care?”

Moreover, my classmates never knew me. They aren’t and never were my family or closest friends. Today, the weight I give to any opinion depends on who holds it and on my relationship with that person.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you should have the same attitude. Realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant, nor do their words mean anything.

To be offended by another person’s thoughts, opinions, or words, you must first value them. And that means you must first value the owner of those thoughts, opinions, and words.

The Value I Give Your Opinion Depends on Who You Are.

I now understand that my classmates’ hatred only came from ignorance, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more. And I take it with a grain of salt.

I only value the opinions of those who know me- God, those of my closest family members and friends. And, if you’re reading this, you should look at it the same way.

And once you realize where their behavior and their emotions come from, you will feel so much better. I can’t stress this enough.

To be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. Moreover, to give any weight to their opinions, you must also value them to some degree.

Knowing Your Value:

Stop Caring what they think.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned.

Therefore, you stop giving them power. And you’re free to be yourself no matter what they say about it.

Always be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices.

And do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

Some People Aren’t Worth Your Time

Some people don’t come into your life to help you; they come to hinder you. Many people are predators. They actively look for those like you and me to prey on.

And when you give them the power to determine how you feel about yourself, you let yourself down. Moreover, you give them what they want.

Some don’t come into your life to love you; they come to use you. Evil people watch you closely.

And if you have something they wish they had, they may cozy up to you to either get something from you or to bring you down. To some people, you’re not a person. You’re an opportunity.

Knowing Your Value:

Some people come around to use you.

They don’t love you for you; they love you for what you can do for them. Or they do it for what they can take from you. Therefore, some people aren’t loyal to you. They’re loyal to the benefits that come with you.

But where are they when you need help? This is why they disappear, no matter how many times you’ve appeared for them. This is why knowing your value is so important.

When you discover your value, you’ll stop standing behind people who don’t stand behind you. And you’ll quit breaking your back for those who don’t have yours.

In other words, you’ll stop busting your ass for people who aren’t watching yours. Realize that some people aren’t blessings; they’re lessons.

And when you know your worth, you aren’t afraid of being alone. Therefore, you aren’t scared of walking away from these kinds of people. You’ll drop them like a bad habit.

As a result, you’ll make room for true friends. And these people will love you for simply being beautiful, wonderful, awesome you!

Here’s What it Means to Begin knowing your value.

  • It means refusing to stay around people who don’t.
  • It means eliminating drama from your life.
  • It means not settling for less than you deserve.
  • It means being okay with being alone rather than clinging to those who treat you like an option.
  • It means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away.
  • It means not caring what others think or say of you.
  • It means embracing the dislike of a few who don’t matter anyhow.
  • It means letting go of toxic people, even if you love them, and not being concerned with the outcome.
  • It means having the guts to say “no” without guilt.
  • It means being nitpicky about the people you let in your life.
  • It means being a bitch when the situation calls for it.
  • It means not feeling guilty about putting yourself first.
  • It means allowing yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
  • It means not being afraid to fail.
  • It means embracing the good, bad, and ugly parts of yourself.
  • It means being comfortable in your skin.
  • But most of all, it means freedom!

In Conclusion

The above is especially true for women. Knowing your value is the difference between a good life and a difficult one. It’s in how you teach others to treat you. You’re worth more than you realize.

Always remember that!

This post is all about knowing your value so that you can open your eyes and see your worth and grab the life you deserve.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

2.  Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

3. Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well

4. Know Your Worth: 4 Reasons It’s Important

5. A Woman Who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for