safe targets for bullies

Safe Targets: 17 Signs You’re “Safe” to Bully and What You Can Do

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Did you know that some victims seem to be “safe targets” for bullies? Have you ever noticed that abusers can harm some people without consequences? Are you one of them? Here are all the signs that you’re in danger, along with what you can do to escape the situation.

safe targets

Have you ever noticed that some victims are easy targets for bullying? Do you suspect that you might fall into this category?

In this post, you will learn all the signs that you may be a safe target. You can also learn what you can do to overcome.

Once you learn these crucial details, you will no longer have any doubts, and you will be inspired to take steps to ensure your safety.

This post is all about the signs that you’re one of the safe targets and what to do about it so that you can finally begin living your life in peace.

Safe Targets

When the bullying reaches this point, that’s when things can get dangerous! People others deem safe to abuse are in danger because you never know when they will take the violence too far.

Targets have been murdered in situations like this. I’ve read about several of these killings in the news, and most of them have happened in school. Even worse, many of the killers have either been acquitted or received a slap on the wrist.

Why? Because they were minors. Therefore, at best, they may serve for as little as five years. It’s absolutely sickening.

What are the signs of safe targets?

Here are all the warning signs that you need to be aware of.

1. Ruined reputation and social isolation.

Loners are safe targets because they have no friends. If you have no friends, you have no support.

And when you have no support, there’s no risk of people backing you up against a bully. Therefore, bullies will know it’s safe to bully you.

And don’t think they won’t take full advantage! When no one likes you, you’re a sitting duck.

2. You have low self-esteem.

When you have low self-esteem, it shows. It’s evident in the way you walk, stand, or sit. And you have poor posture.

In other words, you slouch in your chair when you sit. You hunch when you stand. Your shoulders are rounded forward.

Instead of walking with purpose, you stroll like you have no direction. And you don’t swing your arms when you walk.

Your head is tilted downward, and you avoid eye contact.

This signals low self-esteem, and it attracts bullies. Why? Because someone with low self-esteem likely won’t fight back.

Safe Targets:

3. The bullying worsens.

When bullies think they can get away with bullying you, they’ll push their limits. And they’ll do it little by little.

For instance, they start with subtle insults. Then, they resort to calling you names. Pushes and shoves turn into punches and kicks.

With time, the bullies bully you more openly.

4. The bullying becomes a ritual.

When bullies discover that you’re a safe target to bully, there’s no incentive to stop. Then, the abuse becomes a habit they can’t seem to break.

5. Bullies bully you openly.

They don’t even try to hide it. Safe targets often suffer direct bullying. Why? Because if you’re safe, there’s no reason to hide it. In fact, bullies want other people to see them.

That way, they can show off.

“Look at me! I’m more powerful! Look at this loser, he’s weak!”

6. Bystanders ignore it and do nothing.

When bystanders ignore bullying and do nothing, they become just as bad as the bullies. There are many reasons bystanders don’t do anything about bullying.

Maybe they’re scared of becoming the next target.

It could be that they don’t like you and they think you deserve to be bullied. Also, the bullies could be their proxies.

In other words, your bullies are doing what they wish they had the balls to do.

Safe Targets:

7. Bystanders enjoy watching it.

When bullies bully you in front of an audience, you may hear laughing and giggling in the background. Most bystanders think it’s funny to watch someone get “schooled”.

However, it isn’t so funny to you. And they wouldn’t think so either, if they were the ones being bullied in public.

Bystanders may point and stare. Or they may giggle. But they do it because they’re getting their kicks at your expense.

And they’ll talk about it too.  Therefore, they will whisper and gossip about the bullying incident to everyone who will listen.

They will say things like, “Katie got her ass kicked in the bathroom yesterday! I mean, she got her shit rocked!”

Here are other statements bystanders who hate you might make after bullies publicly attack you.

  • “I don’t feel sorry for the bitch! She got what she deserved, and I hope she gets more of it!”
  • “April said she’s going to kick Carla’s ass, and I hope I’m around to see it go down!”

Several bystanders may come to you and tell you that your bully is gunning for you. Here’s what they may say to you.

  • “You’ve got several people who are looking for you, and when they find you, they’re going to kick your butt.”
  • “You’d better hope Sheila doesn’t run into you because she’s got a bone to pick with you.”

Make no mistake! When bystanders come and tell you these things, they’re not doing it out of concern. They’re doing it to instill fear.

Safe Targets:

8. Bystanders egg it on.

They egg it on by playing messenger. Many bystanders might run to you and bait you into saying something bad about your bullies.

If you take the bait, they will report everything you told them back to your bullies. Also, they may embellish or add to what you said, making it worse.

They may then come back to you with how your bullies responded to get you to divulge more. And they will do this several times over.

If nothing else, know this! They’re trying to get a fight started so they can watch. Then, they can go brag about it later.

9. Bystanders join in.

This is called the “Swarm Effect” or “Pile-On Effect.” When bystanders see bullies bullying you and getting away with it, they may want a piece of the action.

So, they hop on the bandwagon. When your bullies get in your face, many bystanders may join them in tormenting you.

When the bullies accuse you of something, they might tell them that they saw you do it or heard you say it. Or they may follow the bullies’ lead when they call you names and insult you. They may call you ugly names, too.

Again, these bystanders are no better than you, bullies. In fact, they’re worse. Why? Because they don’t have the guts to confront you unless your bullies do it first.

10. They hold you to double standards.

In simplest terms, you’re not supposed to do it. But it’s different when they do it.

Safe Targets:

11. Selective outrage.

Others may get pissed off at you for defending yourself. 

For example, your bullies approach you in the parking lot and try to provoke you. In fact, they’ve been giving you hell for a long time now, and you’re sick of it.

When one of your bullies hits you first, that’s the last straw. You immediately sock him in the nose, then commence to beating the mess out of him in front of everyone.

All of a sudden, everyone is outraged, not at the bully who started it, but at you for defending yourself. But where was their outrage when they were starting shit with you?

Also, people may retaliate if you defend yourself.

For instance, you may beat the crap out of one bully. Then they set you up to be attacked by a bigger bully.

They may lie to the bigger bully, telling them that you are trying to get with his girl. Or they may tell them that you said something bad about him.

Whatever they do, they do it because they hate you for sweeping the floor with their “hero.” Therefore, they’re going to pay you back by getting a bigger bully to attack you.

Safe Targets:

12. Authority allows it.

Authority figures like teachers and school staff will do nothing if a bully physically attacks you. They’ll ignore and keep going. Or, they may stand back and watch.

If they stand around and watch, they may enjoy seeing you get beaten. Whatever the situation, the bullies don’t face accountability. Therefore, you’re safe to bully.

13. Bullies get away with it.

The school or workplace refuses to hold the bullies accountable. Maybe they like them more than they do you. Or maybe they secretly can’t stomach the sight of you.

Therefore, they let the bullies off scot-free.

14. Everyone blames you for the abuse you suffer.

You’re the target. But if you speak out about the bullying, everyone else blames you for it. They may accuse you of provoking it. They may say things like:

“If you weren’t so annoying, Steve wouldn’t have hit you.” Or, “If you’d just keep your mouth shut, people wouldn’t want to kick your butt.”

But your behavior isn’t the issue. Theirs is. Only they won’t admit that.

Safe Targets:

15. They attach ulterior motives to any good you do.

Everyone will accuse you of doing good for your own selfish purposes. For instance, if you do a good deed, you only did it to score brownie points.

If you’re friendly, you’re sucking up. If you make a good grade, you’re trying to impress the teacher. And, if you did well on a work project, you’re trying to get on the boss’s good side.

In fact, they scrutinize anything positive.

16. They demonize you to newcomers.

Bullies will “warn” any new people about you. However, what they’re doing is part of their strategy.

They’re making a preemptive strike. They discourage the new people from associating with you before they have a chance to meet you. Therefore, they kill any chance of you making friends with them.

17. They downplay your talents or successes.

Talent improves your chances of success. And success is power. It gets you noticed. Therefore, if you have a talent, your bullies will minimize it.

And if you reach success in something, they’ll pee all over it. Or, they may attack it.

For instance, if you win a singing contest, the bullies may say that you slept with one of the judges.

What You Can Do

This may be difficult. However, the best thing to do is to leave the environment. Go somewhere you have no history. There, you’ll be among people who don’t see you as a whipping boy.

Then you can make a fresh start with a clean slate. You can put your best foot forward. And you can make friends.

In Conclusion

If you’re a safe target, your bullies have destroyed your reputation. And if your reputation has been damaged, bystanders won’t help you, and neither will authority figures.

If anything, they’ll likely side with the bullies. Then, everyone will bully you because they know they won’t get into trouble for it.

Why? Because other people get mad at you if you defend yourself. Therefore, it’s safe to bully you.

Again, the best recourse here is to find a way to leave the environment. It’s the only way to take your power back and live in peace.

This post was all about the signs of safe targets and WHAT you can do to take back your peace and your power.

Related post you’ll enjoy:

1. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

2.  When Bystanders Become Bullies: 11 Behaviors of Bully-Supporters

3. Pack Mentality: All About Group Bullying

4. Facts About Selective Outrage: 13 Truths You Need to Know

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

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Bullying and School Performance: 3 Ways Bullying Effects Grades

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Want to know about bullying and school performance? Do you realize how bullying affects victims’ grades? Here are three effects you need to know about.

bullying and school performance

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Bullying can have a devastating effect on grades and class performance. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and its impact on school performance, giving you another reason to help your child overcome it.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be more compelled to assist your child and keep track of their grades.

This post is all about bullying and school performance, so that you not only protect your child’s mental health, but also their future.

Bullying and School Performance

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, it puts your mind on high alert. Safety takes priority over lessons.

How can you concentrate on schoolwork when you’re constantly under threat? Sadly, you can’t. No one can learn when they’re stuck in survival mode.

Why does bullying cause your grades to drop?

I experienced it firsthand. In the school where I was bullied, my grades sucked.

After I transferred to my new school, my grades skyrocketed. I made Cs and Ds at the old school. But in my new school, I made all As and one B on the first report card.

And, for the first time in six years, I made the honor roll. I can’t tell you just how proud I was! Here’s why your grades plummet when you’re being bullied.

1. YOUR brain lives in survival mode.

Survival mode shuts down the brain’s learning center. It’s almost impossible to learn anything in school.

You see? When you’re in fight-or-flight mode for an extended period, it affects certain parts of the brain. The areas responsible for memory, emotional regulation, and relationships will weaken.

Therefore, is it any wonder that victims of bullying have such poor marks and class performance?

2. You stop believing in yourself.

When others bully you, they likely tell you:

  • “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “You’re worthless.”
  • “You’re hopeless.”

And, they make so many other depreciating comments. Moreover, they repeat the same thing a thousand times over. After so long, you start to believe them if you aren’t careful.

This is how you develop a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.” And soon, you stop trying. That’s when your grades start to fall.

Bullying and School PERFORMANCE:

It also stunts your social development.

In life, you don’t only need academic skills, you also need social skills.

Social intelligence will always supersede book-smarts. It will get you much further than college degrees alone.

This is the reason high school dropouts become millionaires. It’s also why many college graduates are flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Social skills are the most important assets you can have. Those who are great with people earn the highest incomes.

Social skills matter more than a good education.

For a long time, everyone thought that charisma was the one skill you couldn’t teach. You were either born with it, or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, there was nothing you could do to change it.

Thankfully, we know better today.

Bullying and School Performance:

Self-Esteem matters.

Bullies can batter your self-esteem into oblivion if you let them. As a result, you’ll withdraw from the rest of the world.

You’ll become afraid of other people. Even worse, you’ll soon start believing that you’re inferior to everyone else. And you’ll avoid social situations.

Moreover, you’ll begin to live inside your own head. You will create a fantasy world. Then, you’ll shut out the “real world” and live there.

This is not good. Why? Because you stop watching others and the world around you. As a result, you stop learning the social cues you need to nurture relationships. Thus, you won’t be able to create a good life for yourself.

Before long, you’ll become socially awkward.

Instead, you’ll look right through people rather than smile and say “hello.” Moreover, you’ll look spaced out or sullen. Even worse, you’ll feel emotionally numb.

You must protect your self-esteem as you would your life.

This is why you must protect your self-esteem. How do you do this? You do it by keeping your heart open. Never miss the opportunity to meet new people. This is how you make friends.

Therefore, create positive interactions and experiences. And do it even if you must go outside the bullying environment. Do what you must do to keep your self-esteem intact.

Bullying and School Performance:

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight.

Therefore, you can’t flourish in misery. Bullying fills you with self-doubt. As a result, it kills your dreams. How can you believe in yourself when toxic people constantly shower you with abuse?

When all you get are insults, you become exhausted. It drains you of positivity until it depletes you of it. You begin seeing yourself through the eyes of your bullies.

Then, you give up on yourself. And, when others look at you, they see someone who’s slow and lackluster. And teachers will think you’re a lazy student.

When you suffer bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but rain. Like the flower, you don’t grow and develop properly.

Again, when you’re bullied, you’re on guard 24/7. Why? Because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What happens is you lose your happiness. You lose confidence. Moreover, you lost sight of your goals. In short, you allow your bullies to turn you into someone you don’t even recognize anymore.

Bullies TAKE the joy out of life.

Instead of concentrating on your studies, you daydream about escaping. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck. Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse.

You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer.

As a result, you stop observing life around you. And you stop learning the lessons it’s trying to teach you. All the while, the bullying only gets worse.

Why? Because those around you know that you’re living inside your head. And they ridicule you for it.

Those who don’t know you may mistake you for being lazy or slow. However, it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself.  And the bullying only gets worse.

This is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Bullying and School Performance:

I’ve Been There.

I understand how you feel. And I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, you can’t grow without positivity.

Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight. Humans need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just one or the other.

Too much negativity stunts your psychological growth. Then, your happiness, confidence, and dreams will die. Too much positivity, and you lose touch with the real world.

Then, you become arrogant and tyrannical! There has to be a healthy balance between the two before you can grow.

Stop giving your bullies value they don’t deserve.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t matter.

They may claim to know you better than you know yourself. However, nobody can possibly know you like that. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies want you to be as miserable as they are. Stay away from them. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with those who love you and uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope. You’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are. Never let bullies destroy what matters most.

And that’s your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours. They’re not for anyone else to have!

Practice self-care. And, if at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment. Go to a new place where you can grow and flourish. Go where you can make friends and be not only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who let you shine and the sun shine on you!

Bullying and School Performance:

Once you move to a healthier environment, your Grades will skyrocket!

If a plant is wilting, you don’t change the plant; you change its environment. Therefore, when you change your environment, your grades can only go up!

In a new school, you get a second chance. You will have no history with your new classmates. Therefore, you can get a fresh start with a clean slate. You can make friends out of your new peers and teachers.

And when you do, you will have more confidence than you ever thought possible. Then, watch your grades go through the roof! It happened for me. And it will for you too!

In conclusion

Sometimes, your environment can determine whether you succeed or fail.

School bullying can wreak havoc on your mental health. In that, it can destroy your grades. However, once you transfer to a new school, your marks can only go up!

This post is all about bullying and school performance so that you’ll know how bullies can affect your grades. This will encourage you to ask for a transfer if things get unbearable. 

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self-Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. The Impacts of Bullying: 10 Negative Outcomes on Victims

3. Culture of Bullying in Schools: Why Schools Lose Money

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

bullying investigation

Bullying Investigation: 6 Sources of Evidence that Proves Bullying

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Have you ever wondered what you must have for a bullying investigation? Here are the kinds of evidence you’ll need if you report that you’re being bullied.

bullying investigation

If you’re a victim of bullying, you’ve probably thought about reporting it to the higher-ups. Most schools and workplaces have anti-bullying policies. Sadly, these policies have no teeth.

 Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the things you need for a bullying investigation so that you can gather the right evidence and prove your case.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be better able to take action against your bullies and win.

This post is all about the ingredients of a good bullying investigation, so you’ll have the materials you need to come out on top.

Bullying Investigation

Any time there’s a case of bullying, schools and companies usually say they’ll conduct an investigation and get back with you. However, most investigations never happen.

Most school officials and workplace managers don’t want the hassle. Therefore, they make promises they don’t keep.

Anti-Bullying policies don’t work.

Many schools and workplaces have policies against bullying. However, unless they enforce those policies, they might as well have none at all.

Here are the reasons that anti-bullying policies rarely work.

1. Most institutions only make these policies to look good.

Most institutions today have policies against bullying. However, it’s only because they’re required by the government. These guidelines are only for decoration.

In fact, these entities have had anti-bullying policies for at least a decade. Yet, cases of bullying continue to rise exponentially. Moreover, schools and workplaces continue to ignore it.

Schools sweep incidents under the rug. They also refuse to allow victims’ parents to see any surveillance footage of bullying attacks.

Schools sometimes blame the victim and take revenge against parents who fight for their child. And workplaces usually blame the victim rather than discipline the bullies.

Therefore, the only reason these policies exist is to make the institution look good.

Bullying Investigation:

2. People in authority don’t enforce them.

Remember that authority usually sides with power.

In other words, teachers and school staff may take the bully’s side because the bully has more power. Workplaces do the same thing.

They think it’s easier to blame victims. Realize that it isn’t about protecting victims. It’s about making the problem go away.

And how they make the problem go away is by silencing victims. This is wrong.

Therefore, you had better have the right evidence on hand if you expect to come out of any bullying investigation the winner. So, what types of evidence do you need? Check out the list below.

Sources of Evidence that PROVE Bullying

1. Documentation.

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you at school or at work, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

If you’re a victim of bullying, it can have long-term, devastating effects on your life. Sadly, school officials, corporate managers, parents, and even law enforcement still can’t fully comprehend the daily torment victims endure.

This is why documenting the bullying is the best thing you can do. It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your classmates or coworkers are bullying you. Why do I say this?

Because chances are that no one is coming to rescue you. Even if you report bullying to school staff or HR, they likely won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Although they may be in a position to help you, it doesn’t mean they will. They will only have their own interests in mind. Therefore, you must do your own investigation.

Again, the responsibility is on you. No one else! Where victims of bullying mess up is when they rely on others to investigate bullying. This is a grave mistake!

Moreover, if you’re a teenager being bullied by a teacher at your high school, you especially need to document it! In other words, keep a log of the bullying. You do this by keeping a bullying journal.

Bullying Investigation:

Why Document Bullying?

Bullying, especially the psychological and emotional kind, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not want to help you. 

Therefore, you must document everything. Here’s why.

  • Bullying is hard to prove.
  • Bullies are experts at making you look like the bad guy.
  • They use their physical appearance.
  • They weaponize your reaction to their abuse.
  • They play the victim.
  • Most Schools and Workplaces Protect Bullies.
  • It Gives You Evidence to present in court or tribunals
  • It establishes a pattern.
  • And it gives you a voice.
  • It makes your story more credible.
  • It’s good therapy for you.

The school or company may tell you that they’ll investigate the bullying. But they likely won’t. If they do an investigation, they’ll do it to keep their own asses out of hot water, not to protect you.

Therefore, you must be your own detective and build your own case. Keeping a bullying journal is one way to do this.

Do’s and Dont’s of documentation

 When you document bullying in your journal, you must think about the quality of the information. 

  • Don’t be Vague.
  • Stick to the facts.
  • Use the 5W Rule (what, who, when, where, why, and sometimes How). 

There is a right and wrong way to document bullying. Therefore, we’ll talk about the right way first. The best way to document is to use the 5W Method.

Bullying Investigation:

How to Document Bullying:

Here’s what to include, using the 5W Rule.

  • What – what happened.
  • Who – who the bullies are. Also, include who the bystanders are.
  • When – write the date and exact time of the bullying incident.
  • Where – where it happened, school bathroom, workplace parking lot, etc.
  • Why – if you know the reason, include that.

You can also write down how.

2. recordings.

You can use a hidden body camera or a digital recorder. You can use both, if you prefer. However, here’s a word of caution. You must become familiar with your state’s laws on recordings.

Some states have a one-party consent rule, and others have a two-party consent rule. If you live in a one-party consent state, using recordings to gather evidence is illegal.  And it could easily backfire on you.

On the other hand, if you live in a two-party consent state, you are free to record. Therefore, consider wearing a hidden body camera or carrying a digital voice recorder to work.

But read the company’s policy first. Some companies have clauses that prevent recordings on their property.

Bullying Investigation:

3. Electronic Evidence: Screenshots, saved emails, and saved messages.

Take screenshots of any company email exchanges you had with your bully. However, your company likely has software that monitors the entire network. In other words, they will be watching you.

Moreover, they will have a keylogger that records every keystroke you make. So if you use the company computer to take screenshots, they’ll know.

Therefore, use your phone to photograph the email exchanges. When you do it this way, you won’t blow your cover and will keep your investigation secret.

If bullies bully you at work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in a different place. The trick is to take precautions in case someone associated with your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping.

If your workplace bully sends you a mean or threatening text, save it. The more evidence you gather, the more you build your case. Therefore, the more likely you are to get justice.

4. Pictures of physical bruises.

If your bully physically attacks you, you must have evidence that supports your claim. Therefore, take pictures of any bruises, scrapes, or cuts.

Bullying Investigation:

5. Medical documents.

If a bully does bodily harm and you need medical attention, it’s best to get copies of the hospital records for court. Hospital records and medical bills provide proof of physical bullying and will compel the courts to award money for damages.

6. psychiatric records.

Like medical records, psychiatric records serve the same purpose. They prove mental stress and can get you money for that.

Bullying Investigation:

In Closing

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must cover your own butt. So, do what you must do to gather evidence of bullying and build your case.

Remember. Nobody can watch your ass but you.

This post is all about The types of evidence you need for a bullying investigation and Why you should gather your own evidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying

2. How to Prove Workplace Bullying: 3 Types of Proof You Need

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

6. How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal

self-preservation meaning

Self-Preservation: Why You Must Get Just as Ugly as Your Bullies

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‘Want to know about self-preservation and why you must get just as nasty as your bullies sometimes? Here are all the details you need to know.

self-preservation

Over the past several decades, we have been conditioned to ignore our self-preservation instinct. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the importance of this innate instinct and why you should sometimes get just as ugly as your bullies.

Once you learn this crucial information, you will no longer feel guilty when you have to show your not-so-polite side to human predators.

This post is all about the self-preservation instinct and why there are times you should use it so that you can be less of a target to bullies.

Self-Preservation

Here’s a story from my own experience.

“I could never be that desperate, and you could never be that lucky.”

That was my comeback to a group of male bullies after one called out to me as I walked past them, “Hey! My buddy says he’s madly in love with you!”

Being the smart-ass that I was, I made sure not to miss this chance. So, I delivered a snappy and scathing one-liner to someone acting like a total jerk. Why?

Bullies are cowards.

Some bullies won’t provoke you directly because they’re too chicken. So, they’ll slyly instigate someone else to insult you for them.

I knew that this was his cowardly way of instigating a conflict between his buddy and me. This wasn’t the first time he did that. Therefore, I was ready.

He would make these statements, then stand back at a safe distance and watch. It was also his way of baiting his buddy into insulting me in front of everyone. This is how he got his kicks.

However, this time it backfired on him.

Those who overheard it either shouted, “BURN!” and laughed at the boys. But some scowled at me and reminded me of how I’d “stooped just as low as them.”

I didn’t care. I just felt better after countering with such scathing return fire.

Self-Preservation:

Why am I telling you this story? 

Simple, to make a point. And my point is that sometimes, you have to go just as low as the bullies. You must not be afraid to get down and dirty when the need arises.

Most importantly, you mustn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

Understand that with bullies, sometimes there’s no being polite. There’s no such thing as being the bigger person. And there’s no such thing as “playing fair.”

When someone is provoking you, you can’t be nice about it.

There are some things bullies don’t understand.

Bullies don’t comprehend the meaning of class. Couth is foreign to them. They don’t understand morals and scruples. Therefore, they have no concept of decency and respectability.

The only language bullies understand is a language that is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

People who are even remotely impressed by bullies are a dime a dozen. In other words, when they insult you in public, those witnessing it will just laugh at you.

Therefore, you must speak in the only language bullies understand. It’s the only way they’ll get the message and back the hell off!

Self-Preservation:

It doesn’t feel good when you must go low.

I understand your discomfort with this. It sucks when you have to get down and wallow in their foulness and filth. But for purposes of self-preservation, sometimes there’s no other choice.

Sometimes, you must lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud. Only reserve the nastiness for emergencies like the one in the above story.

Here are the reasons why it sometimes pays to go low.

1. You can never appease a bully.

Never! No matter what you do. You may submit to them, and yes, they may go away and leave you alone for the time being. However, the small reprieve you get won’t last.

You see? When you submitted to them in the past, it always worked. You gave your bullies what they wanted from you.

Therefore, you were rewarding their behavior.

Anytime bullies receive gratification from bullying you, they will always come back for more.

They get instant psychological rewards just from your having to tiptoe around them. Why? Because it gives them a sense of power.

Realize that bullies are all about power! And they will never give that up. Not without a fight!

Self-Preservation:

2. You can never submit your way out of being abused.

You can never comply enough. Why? Bullies are never satisfied. And it only produces the opposite results.

Trying to appease a bully only makes you appear weak. It then emboldens them to come back for more later. Why? Because it’s what gives them results.

Consequently, you will spend years jumping through hoops and wondering when your bullies will be back in your face again. This is no way to live.

Life’s too short to waste one second being an emotional slave to someone else.

Eventually, you will need to take a hard stand. It’s the only way they’ll leave you alone. Bullies don’t respond to politeness.

3. Bullies only respond to strength.

Bullies do not understand reason. They don’t respond to diplomacy. Therefore, you cannot handle them with kid gloves.

There are no nice ways to handle them. And you cannot be afraid to set boundaries. Bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate.

Instead, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are.

And when you set boundaries, you must mean it.  You’ve got to do it firmly and bluntly.

Self-Preservation:

Don’t only set boundaries, enforce them.

You cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences if they cross the line.

Why? Because bullies see boundaries as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.

They will violate your newly established boundaries. And they’ll do it to dare you and prove to you that they can.

When you enforce your boundaries, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop! They must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again.

This is how you earn respect!

You must quickly speak from a position of strength.

I can’t stress this enough. Niceness doesn’t work with bullies.

So, unleash hellfire! Put the fear of God in them! Think Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Pearl Harbor attack. Japan never attacked us again afterward.

As a result, we eventually won their respect, and they became one of our closest friends. And we continue to be friends with Japan today.

Here it is, in a nutshell. When you’re dealing with bullies, it’s either put up or shut up.

Also, prepare for the bullying to get worse before it gets better. Why? Because bullies always fight the hardest when they know they’re losing control.

Therefore, don’t give up. Stick to your guns. And know that after you severely beat and humiliate your bullies enough times, they’ll get the message.

Then, they’ll give up and find another chump to jerk around.

Self-Preservation:

You must Meet your bullies where they are.

“What does this mean?” You may ask. It means that, if they’re dogging you out, return the behavior.

Put simply, when a bully is in your face, they will go no-holds-barred. Therefore, you can’t afford to be nice about it. There is no being polite.

Also, there is no such thing as being quiet, because a bully will take your silence as fear.

Again, never try to handle a bully politely. You must speak to the bully the way they speak to you. Be rude, but don’t yell, even if they’re screaming at you.

You can raise your voice. But there’s a difference between raising your voice and yelling. The former means speaking in a tone of power. The latter, on the other hand, means you’re losing control.

For example, the bully is in your personal space, and they’re cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then, you tell them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of your face.

In Conclusion

Self-preservation isn’t only necessary, it’s a right!

Targets of school bullying get suspended or expelled when they defend themselves. It happens all the time. After months or years of being mercilessly bullied, you grow tired of all the BS.

You’ve tried handling it diplomatically. However, bullies only took you for being a wuss and increased the attacks.

But when you speak from a place of strength, they’ll eventually get the memo. It may take a while, but they will. I’ve seen it happen.

Realize that you have the same rights as anyone else. And you have the right to self-preservation, even if you have to get just as ugly as your bullies.

So, don’t be afraid to put your bitch-face on when the situation calls for it. Sometimes, you have to kick a little. No apologies and no explanations.

This post was all about self-preservation to let you know that it’s only to get tough when bullies kept testing you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What Doesn’t Work with Bullies: 10 Reactions to Stop Right Now

2.  How to Stop Over-Explaining: 9 Powerful Mind-Hacks You Can Use

3. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

4. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

5. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

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How to Deal with a Bully Boss: 15 Tips to Protect Your Career

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Want to know how to deal with a bully boss? Here are all the tips you need to know.

how to deal with a bully boss

Dealing with a bully boss is, perhaps, the hardest thing you can ever do. Because of the power dynamics, it’s like running into a brick wall.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with a bully boss so that you can protect your career and your mental health.

Once you learn these important tips, you will be better able to navigate a toxic workplace and protect yourself from a tyrannical supervisor.

This post is all about how to deal with a bully boss so that you can save your job and your career. In that, you’ll also be able to keep the damage to your mental health to a minimum.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss

Dealing with a bullying boss can wreak havoc not only on your job but also on your life. And if you’re living paycheck to paycheck, you’re trapped.

However, here are a few tips to minimize the damage.

1. Watch to see if your boss acts ABUSIVELY to everyone or just you.

Quietly observe your boss closely. Does he act that way with everyone or just you? This is how you can tell whether you’re being bullied or he’s just a jerk.

If he’s an asshole to other coworkers, too, then he’s likely not bullying you. He just has a sucky personality. However, if he’s nice to everyone else but treats you like garbage, then he may be bullying you.

And if it’s gone on for two weeks or longer, it’s become a pattern. Then, it’s definitely a case of bullying.

2. Stay calm.

If your boss is bullying you, it’s crucial that you stay calm. Why? Because he’s trying to get you to fly off the handle. You see? Bully bosses try to get you to react emotionally.

Why? So they can have an excuse to fire you.

You must realize that when some people get a little bit of power. They let it go to their head. So, don’t be the source of someone else’s power trip. Stay calm. Why?

Because when you do, your boss is the one who looks unhinged, not you.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

3. Calmly tell your boss that respect is a two-way street.

It’s okay to correct your boss. However, you must do it calmly. Tell him that you’re both adults here. You respect him and want the same respect in return.

You can say, “Look, I enjoy working for this company. And I want to benefit the company as much as I can. However, I won’t allow you to speak to me that way.”

Or, you can say, “You’ll get a lot more out of me if you treat me with the same respect you would have others treat you.”

Your boss may or may not like it when you assert yourself. In fact, he may bully you worse for standing up to him. However, you’ll feel better knowing that you didn’t take it lying down.

4. Enjoy friendships outside of work.

Your boss may make you feel like crap. However, not everyone will treat you badly. If you don’t have friends at work, make friends outside your job.

You can take a college course or two. Or you can join a club. Whatever you do, establish healthy relationships away from the company.

You will be surprised at how it boosts your self-esteem.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

5. Surround yourself with those who love and care for you.

Another thing you can do is spend time with your family and closest friends. Your boss may walk all over you, but these people won’t.

They’ll treat you with the love and respect you deserve. If you need someone to talk to, confident in your loved ones. Tell them about how your boss treats you at work.

When you do, they will listen and lovingly advise you on what to do. Also,  you’ll be able to get it off your chest and feel better.

6. document your boss’s behavior.

Keeping a journal gives you a legal record of the bullying. Therefore, if your boss continues to abuse you at work,  you’ll have your journal to take to the tribunal.

And it’s admissible in court in case you decide to sue. So, how do you document your boss’s behavior? You do it using the 5W Rule.

How to Use the 5W Rule

1. What

Record in your journal what happened. When you write about it, describe your boss’s behavior exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue.

2. Who

Write down your boss’s full name, title, and position. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

3. When

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where

 You must include where the incident occurred (in your boss’s office, during a meeting in the break room, in the parking lot, etc.).

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

5. Why

Write down why it happened. For example, was your boss retaliating because you stood up to him? Was he angry because you filed a formal complaint? Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you can, describe how the incident happened.

What not to include in your journal

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You don’t want writing that’s hard to read.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

  • “Her words made me feel hurt and embarrassed.”
  • “He verbally abused me.”

This is why detailed documentation is so crucial. Therefore, write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay.

In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever! If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s the best defense there is!

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

7. record your boss’s behavior.

This is tricky. You must first find out what the laws in your state say about recordings. If you live in a two-party consent state, you must have permission from yourself and the person you’re recording.

Therefore, recording an incident without their knowledge would be illegal. However, if you live in a one-party consent state, you don’t need their permission or knowledge to record.

So, you can do it without getting into legal trouble.

8. Keep a CYA file.

A CYA (Cover your ass) file can be the difference between losing your career and saving it.

Take pictures and make copies.

How you cover your butt is to use your phone to take pictures of any finished work. Also, make copies of receipts, invoices, and paperwork that prove you’re doing your job.

Take screenshots of email exchanges between you and your bully boss. However, your company likely has software that monitors the entire network. They will be watching you.

Moreover, they probably have a keylogger that records every keystroke you make. So if you use the company computer to take screenshots, they’ll know.

Therefore, use your phone to photograph the email exchanges. When you do it this way, you won’t blow your cover. And you’ll continue to keep your investigation secret.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

Make copies of the evidence.

Save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in a different place. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to conduct a little snooping.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened, and you want to take precautions.

If your workplace bully boss sends you a mean or threatening text, save it. The more evidence you gather, the more you build your case. Therefore, the more likely you are to get justice.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

9. File a formal complaint.

Be sure to make out a formal complaint. However, be prepared. As soon as your boss finds out, she may retaliate. In fact, she likely will.

However, you must still file a complaint and keep the carbon copy. Formal complaints leave paper trails.

10. Whatever you do, never let the bully see you cry.

People in the workplace frown on crying, even if you’re female. The reason they do so is that workplaces prioritize professionalism.

Also, your bully boss will likely get a power rush. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

11. Do the bare minimum.

In other words, don’t bust ass for a bully boss. Don’t go out of your way to prove yourself to them. Why? Because this usually backfires. And it makes you look desperate to win their approval.

You must do only the bare minimum. In other words, do only what you have to do. This is called “quiet quitting.” And it helps you to have some degree of control.

If your boss bullies you, the last thing you should do is do extra work just to win them over. Why? Because if your boss doesn’t like you, they’ll only take advantage of you. Then they’ll laugh at you.

Therefore, hold on to your pride. Don’t do a damn thing you don’t have to.

12. Update your REsume.

Quietly begin polishing your resume. It pays to be prepared for anything when you’re dealing with a bully boss. Situations like this can become cases of mobbing.

13. Quietly begin looking for other employment.

Begin job hunting as soon as possible. Why? Because when you have a bully boss, you will most likely get fired at some point. That is, if you don’t quit first.

Therefore, you want to have a job lined up when you leave.

How to Deal with A Bully Boss:

14. Quit.

There’s nothing wrong with quitting, even if you have to walk out without notice. Bully bosses make life at work hell. And no job is worth your mental health.

Just make sure you can omit this job from your list of job references. It’s not exactly the honest thing to do. But you do what you gotta do.

15. Consult an attorney.

Consult an attorney if a bully boss has caused any damages. An attorney will be able to advise you on what steps you need to take.

In Conclusion

Bullying, especially by a supervisor, is damn hard to prove. Therefore, you must have your ducks in a row.

Protecting yourself from bullying is your responsibility. No one else’s. Therefore, gather your own evidence. Then do what you must do to stand up for your rights.

For more on workplace bullying, here’s what I learned.

This post is all about how to deal with a bully boss so that you can stand up for your rights as an employee and come out on top.

This post taught you how to deal with a bully boss so that you can stand up for your rights and emerge AS a winner!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

2. Mobbed at Work: Signs You’re About to be Mobbed on the Job

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

bullying and manipulation examples

Bullying and Manipulation: 15 Simple Ways to Protect Yourself

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Bullying and manipulation go hand-in-hand. Here are all the tips you need to protect yourself from manipulative bullies.

bullying and manipulation

Manipulators can ruin your life if you let them. They encroach on your autonomy and your freedom.

In this post, you will learn how to stand up to bullying and manipulation so you can live your life in peace.

Once you learn all about these crucial tips, you will be able to confidently stand up to bullies who try to manipulate you.

This post is all about bullying and manipulation, and it shows you how to stand up to it to preserve your autonomy.

Bullying and Manipulation

Again, bullying and manipulation are close siblings. Why? Because, through their abuse, bullies convince you that you’re nothing. This happens so slowly that you won’t even know it’s happening. In fact, bullies often hide behind the veneer of kindness to manipulate.

That’s how manipulators do it- slowly and bit by bit! However, you don’t have to allow it. Here are things you can do to stop manipulation in its tracks.

1. Know who you are.

When you know who you are, you’re least likely to allow bullies to manipulate you. In other words, they may tell you that you’re worthless. But if you know you’re not, you won’t let yourself believe it.

You’ll also stand up to bullying. Knowing who you are means that you know that you don’t deserve abuse. Therefore, you will stand up to any bully who tries to cross the line with you.

And you’ll do it with confidence.

2. Listen to your gut.

Your gut feeling is that innate alarm system that warns you when danger is nearby. Your mind may play tricks on you, and your heart may mislead you. However, your gut never lies.

At different times in your life, you will meet those who trigger your inner alarm. You won’t be able to easily explain the feeling they give you.

The only way you’ll describe it is that something seems to be “off.” You’ll get a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Understand that we pick up on energy. And if someone puts out bad energy, you feel it. So, trust your instincts. I promise you it will keep you out of a lot of trouble with bad people.

Bullying and Manipulation:

3. See the behavior for what it is.

You must know why bullies behave the way they do. This kind of behavior comes from the need for control. Bullies want to control your life.

Maybe they can’t control their own lives, so they try to control yours. For instance, a school bully gets abused at home. Therefore, he comes to school and rides roughshod over you.

Maybe a workplace bully is having problems in her marriage, so she comes to work and makes your job hell. Or maybe she’s jealous of your confidence. So, she tries to bring you down a notch or two.

When you know the reasons why someone is bullying you, it helps you feel better. Moreover, you’ll be able to defend yourself more effectively.

4. Look at their actions, not their words.

When you look at a bully’s behavior instead of their words, you won’t fall for any lies.

For instance, one of your bullies promises to leave you alone if you’ll let him cheat off your test. But you remember that he’s done this before. And you fell for it.

You let him cheat off your test. He may have been nice to you for the rest of the day. However, the next day, he was back at it again. He didn’t keep his promise.

Realize that talk is cheap. Actions speak much louder.

Bullying and Manipulation:

5. Past behavior predicts future behavior.

If someone has bullied you in the past, chances are they will do it again. Abusers rarely change. If, by chance, they do, it takes several years.

Therefore, it’s best to prepare yourself. Then, you’ll be able to outflank any bully who tries to attack you.

6. Say no.

No is such a tiny word. However, it holds enormous power. In fact, it is the most powerful word in the English language.

Why? Because it keeps the ball in your court. When you say “no” to someone, you hold all the cards. Not the other person. So say it often.

By saying no, you set boundaries. As a result, you gain respect and protect yourself from bullies.

7. Stop caring what they think.

The less you care what others think, the less any bullying attack will affect you.

When you care too much about what people think, you’ll attract bullies. Why? Because you become a slave to opinions. In fact, the people who give them will own you.

You won’t have the guts to say “no.” Instead, you’ll be a pathetic yes-person who bends over backward to prove your worth.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things you really don’t agree with. You’ll sacrifice yourself for people who aren’t worth your time. And others will only take you for granted.

Bullying and Manipulation:

You’ll only ENSLAVE YOURSELF.

Even worse, you’ll accept crappy treatment to avoid conflict. And no one will respect you because you’re such a doormat. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck! 

But when you stop caring what others think, you regain your self-respect. Therefore, you’ll gain respect from others, too. And bullies won’t want to mess with you.

8. Don’t worry about Others’ opinions.

Opinions aren’t facts. In fact, if they come from bullies, they carry no weight. The value you give to someone’s opinion depends on your relationship with them.

In other words, you should give more value to those who love you. And you should place less value on those who don’t care about you. You can learn more about opinions here.

9. Stick to your guns.

Don’t cave in to your bullies’ demands. Realize that much of the bullying you suffer comes from entitlement. Bullies think that they’re entitled to abuse you.

Why? Because they think they’re superior. Therefore, refuse to be abused. Also, refuse to do anything they want you to do. This is how you protect yourself.

Bullying and Manipulation:

10. Refuse to explain  your decisions.

You don’t owe them a damn thing. Least of all, an explanation. Bullies love to get you to explain yourself. However, see this for what it is. It’s a power grab.

Moreover, it’s a trap. You see? Bullies get you to explain, not because they want to understand. They do it to keep you interacting with them. They also do it to gather information they can use against you later.

And, thirdly, they do it to throw you off balance. But you don’t have to explain anything to them. Who are they?

Stop over-explaining. Reserve your explanations only for people who are worthy of them.

11. Start Rocking!

Grey rocking, that is! When you grey rock your bullies, you show no emotion to their behavior. You also give short, one-word answers.

In short, you act like you don’t care. You have as little interaction with them as humanly possible.

This is easier said than done. And the bully may or may not lose interest and go away right then. However, it’s a good tactic if your goal is to protect yourself from bullying.

You may have to repeat the grey rock method again and again before your bullies will get the message. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you finally took back your balls and stood up to the creeps.

Bullying and Manipulation:

12. Prepare for backlash.

Bullies can’t stand it when you start refusing to be a victim. When you finally stop taking their crap, they will often react out of anger.

They may lay guilt trips on you. Some may stop talking to you. Others may project their behavior onto you. In the worst cases, bullies may launch smear campaigns against you or resort to physical violence.

Realize that bullies won’t let go easily. Therefore, be ready. Preparation is important if you want to protect yourself.

13. Don’t feel guilty

Bullies lay guilt trips to make you feel bad for standing up to them. Don’t fall for it. There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself from bullying. You’re not the bad guy here. Therefore, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Continue to stand your ground, no matter what they try to throw at you. And do it with confidence!

14. Walk away.

Sometimes, no response is the best response. Walking away doesn’t mean you’re chickening out. What it means is that you’re setting a boundary.

You refuse to listen to any more of their garbage. In fact, you refuse to even engage with such morons. Therefore, you remove yourself from the situation.

That’s not cowardice. It’s intelligence. It’s also self-care. Therefore, it’s okay to turn your back and walk away.

Bullying and Manipulation:

15. Refuse contact.

Sometimes it’s better to go no-contact. Realize that some people aren’t healthy for us. Therefore, it’s best to cut ties to protect yourself.

In conclusion

Bullying and manipulation can wreak havoc on your life. You have the right to protect yourself from those who want to control you. Therefore, use these steps to stand strong.

You may be a target, but you don’t have to be a victim.

This post is all about how to protect yourself from bullying and manipulation so that you can take your life back.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do 

2. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See 

4. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying 

Bullying and Conditioning: 3 Ways Bullies Get You to Accept Bigger Abuses

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‘Want to know about bullying and conditioning and how they relate? Here are all the details you need to know.

bullying and conditioning

Bullies are just like any other type of abusers. They often condition you to take more and more crap. In this post, you will learn all about bullying and conditioning so you can protect yourself from them.

Once you discover all these crucial details, you will be better equipped to defend yourself from bullies and abusers and save your mental health.

This post is all about bullying and conditioning, so that you know how they relate and what you can do to take care of yourself.

Bullying and Conditioning

Have you heard of the Boiled Frog Method? Here’s how we can describe it. It’s the method bullies use to condition you to accept bigger, more severe abuse and violations.

Gradualism and Incrementalism

Bullying always starts subtly. Drop by drop, bullies start off taking teeny-weeny bites out of your self-esteem. They make a sarcastic comment here, and a backhanded compliment there.

They take it up ever so slowly, bit-by-bit. In fact, the abuse is so tiny that it isn’t noticeable. Yet you feel something is off.  Something just doesn’t feel good, but you can’t quite put a finger on it. It’s that subtle!

Your first clue

Your body will know if you pay attention to it.

When you meet your bullies for the first time, you will pick up on some pretty creepy vibes. You’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach.

There will be something about them that feels “off.” And you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

You will notice them watching your every move, scoping you out, studying you like a specimen. Or you may look up from whatever you’re doing and see them eyeing you from across the room.

You may see them out of the corner of your eye, huddled together and watching you. Then you will notice them look at each other and smirk. They’ll have that eerie twinkle in their eyes. You might even see a micro-flash or two of contempt.

Don’t ignore this!

Understand what they’re doing. They’re sizing you up – probing to see what excites you and what doesn’t.

Bullying and Conditioning:

Committing slightly bigger violations.

Next, they begin with subtle verbal abuse. You’ll barely notice it. These bullies will throw out a backhanded compliment here and a little dig there.

Then they’ll watch to see how you react. They make the abuse almost unrecognizable. You know, but you can’t prove it. After all, the insult may sound innocent.

You may question yourself. Or, you may fear that if you jab back, you may come off sounding “too sensitive.”

But understand that bullies do this deliberately. Not only do they do this to make you question yourself. They also do it to soften you up.

Therefore, the abuse is virtually unrecognizable… until it isn’t.

Upping the Ante

So, over time, the bullying gets worse. By the time it’s recognizable, the abuse is so out of control that the bullies can’t help themselves.

Moreover, they don’t even try to hide it anymore. Why continue to put in the work to hide something you’ve gotten away with for so long? And why stop when there’s no incentive to? Right?

By the time the abuse becomes obvious, it’s usually too late. Why? Because everyone has grown accustomed to bullying you. In fact, they’ve gotten comfortable with doing it.

And once they’ve grown accustomed to it, it’s almost impossible to get them to leave you alone, no matter how you stand up to them.

Bullying and Conditioning:

They punish you for standing up to them.

When you get fed up and put your foot down, bullies will only double down on their behavior. They will get angry at you for defending yourself. And they will find ways to punish you.

Realize that these people want power. And when you defend yourself, you threaten their power.

They don’t give a damn about the pain they inflict. You’re a target, and they darn well intend for you to stay that way.

Bullies get their kicks out of bullying you. And they won’t give that up easily.

Therefore, they only respond with anger and resentment.

“We’re in charge here! How dare you think that you can defy us!”

Again, people get offended when someone they deem inferior finally grows a spine. And they’ll do everything they can to break your will and keep getting their sick, sadistic jollies.

Understand that bullies have authoritarian personalities. They truly think they are superior.

 Bullying is One Big PsyOp

Think about it. Governments and their military use psychological operations all the time. And they do it by starting propaganda campaigns.

For example, bullies start with smear campaigns and verbal abuse. This is the equivalent of government propaganda, but on a smaller scale.

Therefore, propaganda campaigns and smear campaigns are the same. Also, they both have the same purpose. To demoralize “the enemy.”

When people bully you, they see you as the enemy. Therefore, they seek to demoralize you. And if they can demoralize you, they can crush your will to stand up and fight back.

Bullying and Conditioning:

Things bullies say to demoralize you.

  • “You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”
  • “Nobody likes you.”
  • “You don’t have any friends.”
  • “You can’t fight against us.”
  • “You’ll always be a nobody.”
  • “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”
  • “You’ll never win that contest.”
  • “You’ll never make the team.”

You’ll never do this, and you’ll never do that. You must realize that they make these kinds of statements to mentally subdue you.

They want to force you to give up your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse. And they do it by slowly weakening your resolve.

If they can plant seeds of self-doubt, then they can eventually get you to hate yourself. And once you begin hating yourself, you’ll surrender. Then, they can just walk all over you.

Again, governments do the same thing to get certain groups of people to submit.

Here’s what bullies really want from you.

  • Bullies want you to believe that you’re worthless.
  • They want you to believe that you’re powerless.
  • They want you to believe that you can’t do anything right.
  • Moreover, they want you to believe that you’re an evil person.
  • They want you to doubt yourself
  • They want you to feel inferior.

Why? Because bullies know that whatever you believe about yourself, others will believe it too. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

They want you to stop going after your dreams because they were too lazy to go after theirs. This is why they convince you that you’re a failure and that everything you set out to do will fall flat.

Their goals are to subjugate you so they can feel superior.

Bullying and Conditioning:

Psyops create opportunities that otherwise might not come to fruition.

  • The opportunity to keep you silent and from talking about their abuse.
  • The opportunity to use you to further their selfish agendas.

You see, if your bullies can silence you, then they can bully you safely. They don’t have to worry about being detected.

Therefore, they can continue to get that rush of power and feel superior. They can use your shortcomings to distract attention away from their own.

Moreover, they get to make you the bad guy while they go on doing their dirt. And no one will be the wiser.

Think about it. If they can ruin your reputation and make you the troublemaker, then others won’t suspect it’s them stirring the bullshit. They’ll look over at you instead.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And if people expect trouble to come from a certain person, then that’s who they’re going to look at.

This requires changing public opinion about you. If bullies can demonize you in the eyes of others, they can cut you off from friendships. And friends mean support.

Once they cut you off from support, then they can bully you at will. And why not? If everyone hates you, they’ll believe that you deserve the abuse. And, they’ll never help you.

Bullying and Conditioning:

In conclusion

The more you know, the better you protect yourself. Therefore, you must get wise to these things.

Again, conditioning starts out small. You must know how to recognize it when it starts. Because the longer it goes on and the bigger the abuses get, the harder it is to defend yourself.

And what helps you to recognize it from the start is that your body feels it. Also, you’ll sense it in the vibes people around you give off. So, pay attention.

And lastly, never let them cause you to stop believing in yourself. Never let them destroy your confidence. Don’t fall for it when they gaslight you.

And, whatever you do, never let them cause you to hate yourself. Never allow the bullying to get so bad that you have to leave the environment.

Always stand up for yourself and call them out. Because, in doing so, you keep mental barriers in place to protect yourself.

You keep your reputation; you keep the support of others. Most importantly, you keep your confidence, your self-belief, and your healthy self-esteem.

This post was all about bullying and conditioning so that you’ll recognize the slow, gradual effects of bullying and protect yourself against them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

2. Bullying and Psychological Conditioning

3. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do

4. That Bullied Vibe: How Not to Attract More Bullies

5. The Bullied Brain: 7 Ways Bullying Affects Mental Health

make your enemy your friend quotes

Make Your Enemy Your Friend: How I Did It and How You Can Too

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l ‘Want to know how to make your enemy your friend? Here are ways you can do so and how rewarding it can be.

make your enemy your friend

Turning your enemy into a friend is the best way to defeat them.

In this post, you will learn exactly how to make your enemy your friend by learning the ways to do it successfully.

Once you learn all about these important and life-changing steps, you will be a force to be reckoned with. Only, you’ll use love and kindness as that force.

This post is all about how to make your enemy your friend so that you can not only create one of the best kinds of friendships, but also vanquish an enemy in the sneakiest but kindest of ways.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend

Even though I try to make all my posts all about you, the reader, I would like to tell you a personal story. Not to make it about me, but to inspire you and give you hope, especially if you’re a victim of bullying.

Therefore, I want you to know that what I’m about to share with you is for your benefit. Before we go on, know that this may not work for everyone because every situation is different. However, it worked for me, so there’s a strong chance that it’ll work for you too.

Here’s how I turned one of my fiercest enemies into one of my best friends.

Shelly (not her real name) had been one of my most vicious bullies during school. Every time we passed one another in the halls, at a ballgame, anywhere, we would not hesitate to exchange nasty sentiments as we passed each other.

Typical kid bullies.

Therefore, names like “Bitch!”, “Whore!” “Skank!” was always our go-to insult. Thinking up ways to degrade and slut-shame each other was always a top priority during these little meetings.

Fast-forward twenty years: in late 2007, I went to a karaoke show at the Moose Lodge club on the outskirts of town. Moreover, I wanted to celebrate having the courage to break off what had been a 2 1/2 year-long abusive relationship, and I was ready for a fun girls’ night out.

When I arrived at the Moose Lodge with a few friends in tow, the first word I heard was, “Oh my God! Not that bitch!” Honestly, I thought the verbal assault was directed at someone else until I looked up and saw her.

There Shelly stood, pool cue in one hand, the other hand resting on her boyfriend’s back as her eyes and brows narrowed into little slits in her face and bore into me like a sharp object.

Make your enemy your friend:

running into an old school bully as an adult.

I had not seen her in about twenty years. And I’d wondered how she’d dragged around so much hate for so long.

I had completely forgotten about her amid juggling bills, a job, family, and other adult priorities. But I also discovered that maybe I, too, had some unresolved hate. Only it was a case of out of sight, out of mind.

I’d soon learn that Shelly was at the lowest point of her life that night. Life hadn’t been kind to her. She had been through some things. And even though she seemed to still hate me, all I could feel was bad for her.

It seemed that on her part, even twenty years, marriages and children hadn’t been enough to erase the teenage animosity she still held. We lived in a small Southern town.

And in small Southern towns, very few people ever forget the past. Therefore, it’s easy for your old reputation to follow you for the rest of your life. Sadly, this is how it is in any small town.

Having always loved music and had vocal talent, I got up and sang one of my favorite songs. Everyone cheered once I was finished.

From Bullies to Buddies

After I sat down, Shelly sat down beside me and was very impressed with my performance. She told me that she admired my voice. She said that she’d always known I could sing, but didn’t know I was that good.

At first, I was flabbergasted. This was the first positive remark I’d heard from her. Nevertheless, I was grateful. I smiled and gave her a gracious “Thank you. It’s good to see you again after all these years.”

We continued talking, and she took some pictures from her purse to show me. Pictures of what was her talent- woodwork and paintings, the most beautiful work I’d ever seen.

This lady was very talented, and I couldn’t or wouldn’t deny it. I truly loved her work and could not stop looking at those pictures and complimenting her. She truly was an expert at woodworking and oil painting.

It was at that point that the dynamics of our relationship changed. We exchanged phone numbers and began calling each other. We also texted cute little funnies back and forth.

Her boyfriend, Duane, was also a former bully who became one of my dearest friends. And we remain friends today.

He and Shelly had run into each other when she was grieving her late husband. And he was there for her during the toughest time in her life.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend:

Apologies Made

During one phone call, Shelly told me something I’d never forget. She said, “Cherie, do you remember how badly I treated you at the club?”

“Yes,” I said.

Shelly went on.

“I want to apologize for that. You see? I was in a bad place that night. I had been through hell for the last few years. My husband died from cancer, and then I started self-medicating. I had just quit doing that, and the withdrawals were hell. I didn’t like myself very well. Even in high school, I didn’t like myself, and I took it out on you and anyone else I didn’t like. I was hurting. And I just want to say that I’m truly sorry.”

Right then, I could only feel compassion for her. So, I said, “I forgive you, honey.”

I then apologized to her.

“I’m sorry too, Shelly. There were times I could’ve acted better, too.”

From there, our friendship took off. We began inviting each other to family outings, cookouts, and lunch meetings in town.

And We became like sisters.

We soon became the best of friends. And I grew to love this lady like a sister.  We often talked about how we missed out on what could have been a wonderful friendship years ago.

“Boy! We were stupid back then, weren’t we?” Shelly would laugh, “If we’d given each other a chance in school, we could’ve had so much fun together.”

I laughed and readily agreed. She was right. We were dumb kids with big mouths and bad attitudes.

The past couldn’t be changed. But we could start over. We could go from there and make our friendship as fun as possible. And that’s what we did.

These years were awesome! We continued to have coffee meetings and lunch get-togethers. Cookouts. Shindigs. Visits back and forth.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend:

Being There for Each Other.

It’s funny how we grow through the years. In high school, I thought she was so cruel yet totally in control and didn’t need anyone.  But she was really a girl who didn’t feel loved by anyone.

She was just as sad as I was, but had put on a tough exterior. Also, she had suffered incidents of bullying herself; though not as severe as I did, it still hurt her years later.

She was there for me when I lost my last husband to suicide. And I visited her in the hospital when she got sick.

I remember getting the call on my cellphone on the way to work. I pulled the car over, and before I could answer the phone, the ringing stopped.

So I called the number back, and it was our mutual friend, Debbie. She called to inform me that, sadly, Shelly had passed away in the wee hours that morning.

friends for a decade

Our friendship on earth had lasted exactly ten years. We became friends in late 2007. And she died in late 2017.  (Here is where I begin crying and take a few minutes break from writing this post.)

Ten years is much shorter than we think. The ten years with Shelly as my friend were wonderful. But they went by too fast.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I’ll never forget that night at the karaoke club, the night Shelly and I became close friends. And we remained like sisters until the day she died.

By showing her genuine interest, I was able to turn one of the most resistant bullies into one of my best friends. And I’m so thankful for the time I got to spend with her.

I’m also grateful that I got to see the beautiful person behind the mean exterior. Shelly was a lady hiding a lot of past hurts and brokenness! And I miss her, I miss her so much.

Fly high, Shelly! Until we meet again on those golden streets! I miss you so much.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend:

In conclusion

The moral of this story is this.

You can turn a bully into a friend. Nothing is impossible. All it takes is to break down that wall by showing the other person genuine interest.

Everybody loves it when you are interested in them. This goes for even the coldest and meanest of people.

As humans, we all have a certain degree of selfishness. We all want the same things- to be loved, appreciated, and respected. Everybody has a void waiting to be filled.

If we can fill the void by making the person feel loved, it can be the difference between gaining a friend and keeping an enemy.

In Loving Memory:

🌹 Stephanie Rains Shoemake 🌹

(1971 – 2017)

This post was all about how to make your enemy your friend. It is also a Story of hope and to honor a friend.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Turn a Bully into a Buddy 

how to handle bullies as an adult

How to Handle Bullies

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Want to know how to handle bullies the right way? Here are the tips you need to know.

how to handle bullies

Bullies have ways of distorting the way you see yourself. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to handle bullies to protect your self-esteem and even your physical health.

Once you learn all these important life lessons, you will be able to stand up to bullying with confidence.

This post is all about how to handle bullies so that you can protect your mental health and your peace from people who wish to disrupt them.

How to Handle Bullies

All through life, you will encounter negative and downright toxic people. You meet these mouth-breathers at school, work, the neighborhood, or (gasp) in the family.

However, you have control over how they make you feel.

Don’t let bad eggs make you feel rotten.

Bullies are everywhere, and they come in all flavors. These kinds of people always seem to take the energy out of the room. And they suck the oxygen out of those around them.

They’re annoying, obnoxious, and, in some cases, downright intimidating. These are people who make you feel uncomfortable, terrible about yourself, and worst of all, unstable.

Those who make you feel bad are usually the angry, jealous, and resentful type. They put on a good act and talk a good game. However, the proof is in how they treat you.

The way to handle these bullies is to understand where the behavior comes from and not let it get to you.

Realize that they will search for anything about you that they can use against you. They will even turn your good and positive qualities against you and make them seem bad.

How to Handle Bullies:

Twisting your good qualities into bad

For instance, let’s say that you’re generally a happy person who likes to laugh and have a good time. Bullies will say that you’re fake and that your laughter is fake.

But realize that bullies only see from their own worldview. They may be telling you this because they’re not happy.

If you have talents and gifts and like to display them, they’ll accuse you of showing off. But they may be saying these things because they’re jealous of your talent.

If you’ve made an accomplishment or reached any success, these killjoys will trivialize it. They may say that anyone could have made the success you made.

Again, they only envy you. Realize that there’s nothing wrong with you; there’s something wrong with them.

It’s not about you; it’s about them.

If you won an award, they’ll claim that you got the award only because you either knew people in high places. They may even accuse you of kissing up to one of the judges.

If you have a loving spouse and family, bullies will go out of their way to find something wrong with that. If you have a little bit of money, they’ll claim you didn’t work for it. Or they’ll claim you obtained it either illegally or unjustly.

They will also bully and abuse you, give you a hard time, if you have something that they want but can’t have. It could be that you have things just a little bit easier than they do.

It’s as if they’re trying to punish you because they think you have it so good.

How to Handle Bullies:

Don’t let it get you down.

But don’t let it get to you because that’s what they want. You must realize that they have a problem. And it’s not your job to fix it for them.

Their behavior says everything about them and zero about you. Your bullies have serious mental issues, and they need help.

Their behavior is proof that they feel insecure about something in their own lives. And they want to drag you down in the gutter with them.

When others are brutal to us, our first instinct is to blame ourselves. We try to figure out what’s wrong and then fix it. But realize that there’s no need to fix what isn’t broken. And you’re not the one with the issue.

You must reframe their behavior.

Instead, realize that it’s them and not you. It’s the only way to feel better about yourself. And you might find yourself feeling sorry for them instead of hating them for the way they treat you.

And believe me, most people with any pride would much rather be hated than pitied.

Bullies will care less about your anger and hate toward them. But they’ll resent and even loathe it when you pity them. There’s dignity in being hated but none in being pitied.

So, how do you handle bullies? Here’s a list of tips.

How to Handle Bullies:

1. Know who you are.

The more you know yourself, the less bullying will faze you.

When you know yourself inside and out, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, to define you.

Moreover, you can easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

Knowing yourself means knowing your worth. It also means having a strong set of principles and values.

When you know yourself, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. No one can take away your value; it’s just there.

2. Stop caring what others think.

Caring what others think makes for a life of mental slavery. Wouldn’t you rather have the delicious freedom to just do and be what you want?

You must realize that some people’s opinions don’t matter. The value you give to anyone’s opinion depends on your relationship with them.

In other words, you place the most value on the opinions of those who love and care for you the most. Therefore, you ignore the opinions of those who abuse you. They don’t matter.

How to Handle Bullies:

3. Have your own set of principles.

Hold onto your standards. Moreover, stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. And do it boldly and confidently.

Don’t be afraid to think critically. In short, have the courage to be different.

This is how you protect your mind from bullies. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

4. Set boundaries.

Most bullies prefer to target low-hanging fruit; in other words, they’re so cowardly that they choose easy targets.

Easy targets for bullies are those with low self-esteem and those who are insecure with themselves. Those who don’t set boundaries are easily intimidated.

Therefore, these victims don’t stand up to them.

But when you stand up to bullies, you show confidence. Most bullies can sense your confidence, and it only intimidates them. Moreover, you’ll be surprised at the amazing results.

They know that the confident ones are least likely to take any crap off them. So, they’re least likely to target them. They’ll move on to an easier target.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. How you set boundaries is to say no. And when some creep tries to get in your face, talk down to you, or physically attack you, you’ll defend yourself.

Be clear with what you will and will not put up with. And know without a doubt that you deserve better. Give respect to others. However, expect the same in return.

How to Handle Bullies:

5. Enforce boundaries.

Setting boundaries isn’t enough. Sometimes, you must enforce those boundaries.

Enforcing boundaries means following through on what you say you’ll do if someone crosses the line. If bullies know you’ll punch them back if they put their hands on you, they won’t do it.

And if they expect you to deliver a good burn if they verbally attack you, they’ll think twice. Therefore, if some punk crosses you, make them regret it.

6. Stay calm

When bullies insult you, they’re looking for an emotional reaction from you. Most bullies get their kicks out of making you angry or making you cry.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Remain calm and respond intelligently.

How to Handle Bullies:

7. Don’t explain anything.

Bullies will often try to trick you into giving them needless explanations. This is a trap because, no matter how much you explain things to them, they will only pretend not to get it.

And why not? These people want to hurt you. Therefore, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

You must recognize that those who are toxic do this intentionally. One reason they challenge your explanations is to prompt you to provide more. Why? To throw you off-balance and keep you interacting with them.

They also do it to gather information they can use against you later. Realize that they really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one. They only pretend to want it.

Besides, you don’t owe them a doggone thing. And that includes an explanation.

8. Don’t rush to defend yourself from rumors.

Understand that you don’t have to clear up any rumors. And you don’t have to care what they “heard.”

“I heard this,” and “I heard that!” Please! Give me a break! Save the drama for your mama!

That’s exactly what you tell them. Let them talk, and let the way you live your life dispel the rumors. Moreover, watch and see who believes them. Those who do are the people you need to cut ties with.

How to Handle Bullies:

In conclusion

When you handle bullies calmly and powerfully, you steal their thunder. More importantly, you refuse to be a victim of their petty games.

There are even good ways to handle them when they give you the silent treatment.

When you deal with bullying the right way, you force them to go search for another target and leave you alone. Then, you get to be yourself and live in peace. And there’s nothing better than that!

This post was all about how to handle bullies so that you can continue to live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

2. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know  

3. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

4. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

5. What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes 

the bullying of independent thinkers in school

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers

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‘Want to know all about the bullying of independent thinkers and why people target them? If you are an independent thinker, this post is for you. And it should make you feel better about yourself.

the bullying of independent thinkers

So, you have the gall to think for yourself. Make no mistake! People will hate you. They will demonize you. Others will consider you a troublemaker, a rabble rouser, a riffraff! People will deem you a person who’s “mentally imbalanced.”

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the bullying of independent thinkers and why bullies target them.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to see behind the behavior and feel good about yourself if you are one of those rare independent thinkers.

This post is all about the bullying of independent thinkers so that you can understand where the behavior comes from.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers

Thinking for yourself is such sweet freedom. Yet, most people have always been afraid to do it. Why? Because it’s much safer to follow the leader.

Safety and comfort always come with doing as you’re told without question and without even thinking about it. Therefore, most choose to take the easy path.

They follow the lead of a person in power. And they’ll do it, even if the person “in charge” hasn’t the slightest idea of what they’re talking about.

Moreover, they’ll comply, even when there’s evidence that “the leader” is leading them to their own demise!

The Human Tendency to obey.

Again, most automatically take orders from someone deemed superior. And they don’t stop to ask themselves what the one giving the orders has to gain from their compliance.

The reason they do this is that they fear becoming an outcast. There’s an old saying that people are less afraid of death than they are of ostracization.

I can understand the fear of bullying and ostracization. No one wants to be ousted from “the social club.” Humans are hardwired to be social animals.

Living as part of a group was how we survived in prehistoric times.  Whereas, anyone who wasn’t a part of one risked starvation and extinction.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

Trusting your gut.

However, it’s easier for the shunned to survive today. And I’d much rather have my freedom. Freedom requires the ability to think independently, despite what others may think of us.

When you think for yourself, you step out of your comfort zone. Also, you open up unlimited possibilities for yourself.

Thinking for yourself means trusting your gut and following your instincts. It means knowing that your gut will always tell you when something doesn’t sound or feel right.

those who think independently will catch a lot of hate.

There’s a reason others don’t like someone who thinks independently. It’s that they’re least likely to be controlled. They won’t fall for any tricks or manipulation.

The person who thinks for himself will see right through smoke screens. Also, independent thinkers know themselves well. They listen to their gut instincts.

And they refuse to engage in anything that feels unhealthy or dangerous.

Sadly, we live in a culture that demands we deny our God-given sixth sense. It’s easier to let others pressure us into denying our instincts and following along.

Bullies in power demand that we deny our own human rights. They send the unwritten message that we have no right to defend ourselves or our families. They claim that we should put them first and ourselves last.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

Power Corrupts

Therefore, they use influential people to persuade us to do their bidding. They pay Hollywood celebrities, sports figures, and media personalities to brainwash us.

On the other hand, individuality is strongly discouraged. Sometimes, they even punish it. They also discourage creativity, originality, and meritocracy.

Simply put, bullies in power demand that we think the way they want us to think. And sadly, they successfully hoodwink a good chunk of the population.

Most people think that, just because those giving the narrative have power and influence, they’re smarter. And that they “only want what’s best for us and the rest of humanity.”

However, no one can know what is best for you but you. And you alone.

Power corrupts. 

These so-called leaders are not gods. They are human, just like the rest of us. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like we do.

And they are just as capable of error.

We must realize that power corrupts. It takes a special person not to be corrupted by power. Moreover, we must understand that the majority of those in power do not have our best interests at heart.

They’re only out to use us to fulfill their own end goals. And once we’ve served our purpose, and they no longer need us, they will discard us like dirty diapers.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

The masks bullies don.

Corrupt people in power often use beautiful-sounding words and phrases. “For the greater good” is the most common.  “For the betterment of humanity” is another one they love to use.

They portray themselves as the saviors of humanity. Many claim to be warriors and champions for social justice. However, their leaders work behind the scenes to destroy the very groups they claim to care about.

In short, they hide their evil intentions behind the veneer of love and goodwill.

Remember that Satan never appears as an ugly red devil with horns and a pointy tail. He appears as an angel of light.

He often comes as our biggest dream come true. It could be the man or woman of our dreams. Or he’ll appear as a sweetheart of a deal that’s hard to refuse.

Therefore, we should focus on their actions and not their words. Look at their past behavior. Why? Because past behavior predicts future behavior.

Independent thinkers have good instincts.

Thinking for yourself comes with sacrifice. You will endure a truckload of hatred, even from those you think are friends and allies. But trust that it will all be worth it in the end.

Independence is something bullies, authoritarians, and despots despise. They will hate you because you refuse to blindly obey those who think they know more than you.

Bullies despise anyone who questions authority. Independent thinkers always ask themselves, “If we follow along, what’s in it for them?”

They aren’t too lazy to read the fine print.  And they don’t mind doing their research to find the truth. Moreover, they’re good at reading between the lines.

They have an ear for subtext and context. And they have an eye for non-verbal communication. They use it to probe for incongruousness.

If something feels “off,” they’re automatically suspicious of it. Moreover, they know that 2+2=4, not 5! Independent thinkers know when someone is trying to manipulate them.

In fact, they have a radar for manipulation.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

People who think for THEMSELVES aren’t afraid to be different.

They do things differently and make it a point to live life on their own terms, not someone else’s. Therefore, they’re willing to take whatever comes with it.

They refuse to be controlled by feckless fools who are drunk with power. And they know that power corrupts because they’ve been victims of it. Therefore, they won’t be ruled by fear.

Consequently, others may despise them for it. Why? Because everyone else is trained to follow. Those who think for themselves often hear these reactions.

  • “How dare you?”
  • “You dare to question me?”
  • “Do you think that you can live your life your way?”
  • “Who do you think you are?”
  • “We’re the experts! Not you!”
  • “We have the degrees and credentials! Not you!”

Oh, the nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Independent thinkers Don’t Mind Rocking the Boat!

When they see that it’s all to the leaders’ benefit, they’re not afraid to give the rule-makers a proverbial middle finger. Independent thinkers may not say it, but they show it in their quiet refusal to go along.

And they do it by simply continuing to live the way they want.

Bullies hate them because they don’t walk lightly. Those who think for themselves are not afraid to make waves. They don’t mind going against the grain if they suspect that “the rules” might harm them.

Why? Because they cherish freedom and self-determination. And they’ll die before they give them up.

Only they choose their destinies. And only they can define their inner realities. Nobody else is privy to these things.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

A Blessing and Curse

If you think for yourself, you have a gift that few others have. You have a sharp BS detector. You’re able to see through others’ fakery.

And with this gift, you can more easily avoid the traps bullies set up. However, having this gift can be a curse.

Although empowering, it can also be an excruciating and alienating journey. It can be lonely, confusing, and frightening. You often struggle as you try to process the insanity around you.

This is the reality no one talks about. The darkness that accompanies having this kind of sight. In fact, you may grieve what you thought, for so many years, was the truth.

The realization that everything you believed turned out to be lies is, perhaps, the most difficult pill to swallow.

The Truth Hurts

Having your illusions shattered is never an enjoyable experience. However, with growth comes pain and discomfort, and it doesn’t stop there.

With these newfound revelations, you will often find yourself grieving again. You’ll grieve the loss of relationships with people you thought were friends.

You’ll feel alone. And you’ll be ridiculed not only by acquaintances and passers by but sometimes by friends and family. You’ll realize that you never had as much in common with those you care about as you thought.

When you’re wise to bullshit, people will judge and ridicule you. Why? because they either don’t see what you do or they do, but choose to live in denial. Or, maybe they’re too chicken to call it out.

Therefore, you might grieve the loss of your own ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, and reality is harsh. You might find yourself wishing that you were still as ignorant as they are because, if you were, you’d still fit in.

Having the sense to see through all the smoke screens can be a lonely road to travel. There’s no sugarcoating it. Wising up to the realities of the world around you can be brutal!

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

In conclusion

I’ve lost many people I thought were friends. However, I still consider myself one of the lucky few. Why? Because most of my family and my small circle of true friends get it. And they get me.

Like me, they know themselves, and they listen to their gut. They also avoid negative people and believe in the right to self-preservation. Therefore, they support me.

However, many of you aren’t so lucky. You’re struggling with feeling disconnected from your family and friends, and it’s as though they exist in another world.

Just know that you’re not alone. Not only are you not alone, but you also have an entire group standing behind you. We may be separated by miles, but we’re deeply connected in both purpose and spirit

So, hold on to your faith. Hold on to the truth and stand on it. Continue to be yourself and to press forward. Know that we’re here and we’ve got you! Most importantly, know that God’s here and He’s got you!

This post is all about the bullying of independent thinkers so that, if  you fall into this category, you won’t lose faith. Hang in there.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2.  Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

3. People with Negative Energy: How to Protect Yourself from Them

4. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

the ultimate guide to overcoming bullying book coming soon

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book

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Good morning, my awesome readers. I’m proud to present the plans for “The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying” book.

the ultimate guide to overcoming bullying book

This book is an expanded version of some of the blog posts. Because Google only allows a maximum of 5000 words per post, it’s impossible to share everything you need to know.

Therefore, the logical thing to do was to write a book that expands on everything we’ve talked about so that readers get the most insights.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying, in book form, will give you all the tools to combat bullying effectively and confidently.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying Book

This book will be available in paperback and Kindle formats so that all readers can get the most from it. It might even be available in hardback.

But I’m still working on that. But if not hardback, it will be available in physical form. It will launch in late summer/early fall this year.

People’s attention spans have shortened over the last 20 years. Therefore, “The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying” is a short read of only 85-86 pages. Therefore, you’ll easily be able to read it in just a few hours.

Here’s What You’ll Learn.

You’ll find several blog posts’ worth of information all in this short book. In it, you will learn these top points and more.

1. Why Bullies Bully.

It’s not only important to know that bullies bully. It’s also crucial to know why they do it. And they do it for many reasons. And these reasons vary from bully to bully.

Once you know the why, you will be amazed at what this can do for your self-esteem. Moreover, it can help you tailor an effective response to any personality you encounter.

2. The mindsets of bullies.

Knowing someone’s mindset can also help you deal with them more successfully. When you learn someone’s mindset, you discover their likes and dislikes.

Moreover, you learn what excites them and what triggers them. You’ll also learn their attitudes and how they see the world around them.

And once you learn these things, you will be able to predict their behavior.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book:

3. The psychology behind bullying.

You will learn the goals and intentions behind bullying. Many people wonder, “What do bullies want?” or “What is it that they’re trying to gain from this behavior?”

This book answers those questions.

4. How bullies select their victims.

This book will give you all the personality traits bullies look for in victims. Some of it, you may already know. But others will surprise you.

You will also discover the body language they watch for and that attracts bullies.

5. Who Bullies Target.

It will tell you the categories of people who are likely to be bullied. It will also tell you if you fall into one of those categories.

Again, some of the answers will surprise you.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book:

6. Mistakes that keep you a victim and how to avoid them.

To know what to do, you must also know what not to do.

This book will list the mistakes that keep you trapped in the victim role. Also, it will show you the powerful changes you need to make to get them to go away and stop being a victim.

7. How to Set and Enforce Your Boundaries.

Whether it’s saying no or hitting back when a bully hits you first, you will learn that setting boundaries is okay. Moreover, you will learn that boundaries are what keep you safe from any form of abuse.

You will learn the benefits of boundaries and what happens if you don’t have them. This book will encourage you to set limits without guilt or apology.

8. How to Respond Without Losing Your Cool (and your self-respect)

This book will teach you the difference between responding and reacting. You will discover calm but effective ways to respond to different types of bullying.

Moreover, you will learn that it’s okay to get ugly when a situation calls for it.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book:

9. Ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.

This book will teach you the importance of confidence and why it’s your first line of defense against bullying. Also, you’ll learn how to reframe everything your bullies try to tell you.

In that, you’ll discover how to stop internalizing the abuse. That way, you can keep your bullies’ words from changing your self-definition.

10. How to Turn Pain into Power.

You will discover what you can do to turn the bad into good. You’ll discover the importance of helping other victims just like you.

Moreover, you’ll learn to use commonalities to make friends with other victims and create a support system that won’t fail you.

Other things you will learn.

You will also learn the types of bullies and bullying, from physical bullying to cyber-bullying. You will discover the different tactics they use. Moreover, you will learn the difference between bullying and normal conflict.

You will be able to distinguish between being a target and being a victim. And the best part is that you will learn different ways to respond to various situations.

I can’t list everything you will learn. But what I can tell you is that there’s much more than I can list here. In fact, this guidebook is chock full of crucial information you can use.

Here’s a quick synopsis

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book:

Synopsis

 Bullying isn’t random; it’s opportunistic, patterned, and selective.

Bullies can turn your life upside down. They have ways of shaping how you see yourself and the world around you. But you don’t have to let them have the final say in your life.

 If you have faced continuous harassment or intimidation, and you’re ready to take your power back, The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying is your toolkit. Here, you’ll discover the truth about bullying. You’ll discover why it happens, how social dynamics fuel it, and what you can do to respond with strength and overcome it.

Whether the bullying happens at school, work, or in social groups, this book doesn’t offer surface-level advice. It doesn’t give you quick fixes. Instead, it gives you real-life strategies for responding to bullying attacks, rebuilding your confidence, and taking back control of your life.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying will teach you,

  • Why bullies bully
  • The mindsets of bullies
  • The psychology behind bullying
  • How bullies select their victims
  • Who bullies target
  • Mistakes that keep you a victim and how to avoid them.
  • How to set and enforce your boundaries
  • How to respond without losing your cool (and your self-respect)
  • Ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.
  • How to turn pain into power.

Whether you are a victim who currently faces bullying or a survivor who still carries the scars from it, this guide will help you reclaim your voice, your confidence, and your future. This is where your comeback begins.

You can’t beat bullying by wishing it would go away. You beat it by knowing the game… and changing it.

The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book:

In Conclusion

If you are a victim of bullying, it is my heart’s desire that you learn everything possible to re-empower yourself.

You don’t deserve to be used as a punching bag for physical bullies. And you don’t deserve to be a dumping ground for everyone else’s mental issues. What you deserve is to be treated with dignity and respect by others.

Life is too short to put up with bullies who want to dominate your very existence. This book will give you practical yet powerful techniques to reclaim your power and start living in peace.

Get ready for the book that could change  your life. The Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Bullying book will launch late summer/early fall 2026 on amazon.

In the meantime, here are books by other authors I highly recommend.

1. “He Was Weird” by Michael LeFevre (Fiction)

2. “Finding Your True North (A Bullied Teen’s Journey of Hope)” by Tom Russell

3. “Succeeding When Others Don’t Want You To” by T-Ronn Hicks (Non-Fiction).

secrets bullies don't want you to know psychology

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

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There are secrets bullies don’t want you to know. Do you know what they are? Here’s everything you need to know.

secrets bullies don't want you to know

In this post, you will learn the secrets bullies don’t want you to know to have the knowledge you need to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these hidden truths, you will be better able to call these creeps out and protect your mental health from them.

This post is all about the secrets bullies don’t want you to know so that you can stop being a victim and live your life in peace.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Bullies hide many secrets. If those secrets ever got out, their whole world would collapse before their eyes. Therefore, here are all the secrets bullies will move heaven and earth to keep hidden.

1. Some Bullies are more scared of you than you are of them.

Bullies fear you might fight back. Why? Because if you do, you just might get the best of them. As a result, they’ll end up looking weak and being bullied themselves.

This is why they keep you afraid to fight back. However, realize that you should fight back. I’ve seen several bullies bully their victims to the point that the victim finally snapped.

As a result, the victim beat the living daylights out of them. Also, on some occasions, the victim whipped the bully in front of an audience.

Therefore, the bully never bothered them again, and the target finally won respect.

2. They’re insecure.

Bullies constantly worry about what others think of them. This is why they act the way they do. They want to seem perfect.

Why? Because they’re so afraid that if others find out about the real person, they won’t like them anymore.

Bullies want so badly to be liked that they will bully you in front of an audience to score laughs from everyone and get approval.

Therefore, call them out on it. I promise you’ll feel much better once you do.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

3. They crave approval.

Bullies want approval. More than that, they want others to admire and adore them. And if a bully doesn’t get approval, they feel inadequate.

So they bully in front of an audience to get the approval they feel they never get. You must realize that bullies are simps. And they simp in ways that aren’t so obvious.

However, understand that anyone who seeks approval is needy. Only pathetic losers do that.

Therefore, see it for what it is, and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Why? Because you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such behavior.

4. They’re posers

Bullies are constantly trying to look cool. They strain themselves to keep up appearances. They know that most people think that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t receiving it.

Therefore, many bullies bully to look cute to any bystanders and witnesses. And sadly, most bystanders are under the misguided belief that bullying is cool.

Moreover, they don masks to hide their true, pathetic selves. Bullies aren’t happy with themselves. So, they work hard to hide their flaws and put on a persona of perfection.

For instance, you may see one of your bullies wearing clothes from department stores like Nordstrom every day. But you may get lucky and notice him pull out a 20-dollar wallet from Walmart. That’s when you’ll figure out that he’s nothing but a poser.

So, find ways to use it against him. Then use it to your own advantage. I can think of several, and I’m sure you can too. Just knowing this will keep you out of the doldrums and view your bullies for the losers they are.

This should make you laugh because you know they’re not so cool after all.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

5. they fear exposure.

Bullies get by only on appearances. The fronts they put up are only illusions and mirages. Moreover, without the facades they work so hard to maintain, they have no leg to stand on.

For instance, magicians will never tell you how they make things disappear or pull rabbits out of hats. And they won’t tell you how they can do card tricks. The reason they don’t is that their tricks are only optical illusions.

And if you ever found out how they do it, it would blow their act, and people would lose interest. They’d go bankrupt.

It’s the same with bullies. Understand that their lives are filled with cracks that just might expose who they really are. Think of these cracks as smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again.

Bullies are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hot spots. They have to bust ass to make sure these hot spots don’t ignite.

Also, they must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Bullies realize that once their real personality seeps through, people will lose respect for them and they’ll lose power. And if they lose power, their mistreatment of others will come back to bite them in the ass… hard!

6. Their biggest fear is losing face.

Bullies only have power that you and others give them. Therefore, if they lose face, that power is gone. Usually, bullies lose face when victims stand up to them.

For instance, a bully hits you and you punch them back. In fact, you beat the daylights out of them in front of everyone.

That embarrasses a bully. And the people who see it will realize that they aren’t as tough as they made themselves out to be.

Therefore, others quickly lose respect for them.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

7. If you stand up to them, others might follow.

Remember the movie, “A Bug’s Life?” In the film, the grasshoppers bullied the ants. Here’s a quote from the lead grasshopper that you might remember.

“You let one ant stand up to us, then they might all stand up. Those puny little ants outnumber us a hundred to one. And if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life.”

The head grasshopper said the quiet part out loud. He revealed every bully’s worst fear. If one victim stands up to me, it will encourage everyone to do the same. But most people still haven’t gotten wise to this yet.

8. Being a bully is hard WORK!

Believe it or not, bullies must work hard to keep up appearances. They’re good at maintaining their fake facades.

In other words, bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven.

They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. Moreover, they often spend beyond their means to appear wealthy.

Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft? Most have to steal to keep up!

Therefore, they’re constantly afraid of losing face if any of it ever gets out.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

9. They aren’t happy people.

They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others?

Bullies need a victim. They can’t be happy unless they’re bringing someone else down. The only thing that makes bullies happy is seeing you suffer.

Therefore, see this as a testament to how miserable they really are. They do it to feel better about themselves. Moreover, they do it to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities.

Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

Many bullies aren’t happy at home. They have stressful marriages and family lives. Or, if they’re in school, they have bad relationships with parents and siblings. Therefore, they feel powerless there.

However, at school or work, many bullies can control others to keep from feeling so powerless. So, keep your ears peeled and try to find out what their home life is like.

For example, if you’re in a bathroom stall and you hear your bullies enter the restroom. Draw your feet up and listen in on their conversation. You’d be surprised what you find out!

The trick is to find any good ammunition you can use to your advantage.

10. They’re weak.

Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. Ever wonder why they’re so loud, obnoxious, and pushy?

It’s because they don’t have the brains or social intelligence to get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must use force and intimidation. This is often the reason they use physical violence.

Why? Because it’s the only way they can get their wants and needs met. All this makes for a life of drama and conflict. So, smile about it.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

11. Bullies are jealous of their victims.

Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. And they really flip out when someone they deem inferior accomplishes something big.

They’ll make it their mission to destroy you if you score more wins than them. And it’s the same whether you’re better-looking or more talented.

Understand that bullies despise anyone who has what they want but can’t get it. Therefore, they will try to take it from them. And if they can’t take it, they will punish the person for having it.

However, they would never admit that in a million years. Why? Because jealousy smacks of inferiority. And the last thing any bully wants is to look inferior.

So, feel good about the fact that your bullies are jealous of you. It only proves that you aren’t the inferior one here.

12. They Bully to compensate for their weaknesses and shortcomings.

If bullies can look strong by making you look weak, they can make up for their own weaknesses. Moreover, they can distract the negative spotlight away from themselves and onto you.

Therefore, they use you to hide their own imperfections.

Also, bullies will run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing. Moreover, they feel this makes up for anything they lack.

Let’s say that a male bully feels he isn’t man enough. He will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that most girls find him disgusting.

Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, cheap knock-off designer bags, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for not getting a date.

Who wants to date someone with a haughty attitude? This should give you a huge pick-me-up!

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

13. They crave attention.

Bullies love attention, and they’ll do anything to get it, especially if they have narcissistic personality disorder.

Also, when a bully sees someone who outshines them, they fear that person will take the spotlight away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one.

They must be adored by everyone at all times. They feel they have to be at the center of everything, and the world should revolve around them.

In Conclusion

Bullies have secrets they don’t want exposed, and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those secrets from coming out. Therefore, use this information to boost your confidence!

But wait, there’s more! Bullies also have secrets for gaining power. Click here to learn more.

This post was all about the secrets bullies don’t want you to know so that you’ll realize that bullies are pathetic and get a huge confidence boost.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2.  Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

3. Physical Bullies: 9 Secrets You Should Know

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

5. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

anti-bullying policies in schools

Anti-Bullying Policies: 7 Reasons They Don’t Work.

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‘Want to know the truth about anti-bullying policies? Here are the reasons they don’t work and why your safety is on you.

anti-bullying policies

Anti-bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. And it’s because they have no teeth.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the truth about these policies so that if you’re a victim of bullying, you’ll know the truth. Then you can take steps to protect yourself.

Once you discover this hard truth, you will be able to take responsibility for your safety and stand up to bullying wisely.

This post will give you the truth about anti-bullying politics so that you won’t rely too much on them to save you from bullying. Then you can take your own steps to protect yourself.

Anti-Bullying Policies

Many schools and workplaces have policies against bullying. However, unless they enforce those policies, they might as well have none at all.

Here are the reasons that anti-bullying policies rarely work.

1. Schools and workplaces develop these policies just to look good.

Most institutions today have policies against bullying. However, it’s only because they’re required by the government. These guidelines are only for decoration.

In fact, these entities have had anti-bullying policies for at least a decade. Yet, cases of bullying continue to rise exponentially. Moreover, schools and workplaces continue to ignore bullying.

Schools sweep incidents under the rug and refuse to allow victims’ parents to see any surveillance footage of bullying attacks.

Also, schools sometimes blame the victim and take revenge against parents who fight for their child. Therefore, the only reason these policies exist is to make the institution look good.

2. People in authority don’t enforce them.

Again, authority figures rarely enforce these policies. Remember that authority usually sides with power.

In other words, teachers and school staff may take the bully’s side because the bully has more power. Workplaces do the same thing.

They think it’s easier to turn their heads and blame victims for the abuse they suffer. Realize that it isn’t about protecting victims. It’s about making the problem go away.

And how they make the problem go away is by silencing victims. This is wrong.

Anti-Bullying Policies:

3. Preferential treatment

In many cases, authority members and peers favor the bullies. Here’s why.

  • Bullies kiss the right butts.
  • The bullies are high performers and scholars
  • They know people in high places
  • Bullies are convincing liars
  • The bullies are wordsmiths
  • They’re good at projecting
  • They’re charming
  • The bullies have lots of friends who love them
  • There’s strength in numbers
  • They’re good at gaslighting
  • They destroy your reputation
  • They appeal to the self-interests of the school or workplace
  • The bullies are good at victim-blaming
  • They have close relationships with people in power
  • They fake compassion
  • The bullies are in positions of power

Therefore, they may not face accountability. If anything, those in authority will blame you. And they’ll get away with it.

4. Bullies can easily get intel from them.

There are many positives to bullying and suicide awareness. One is that more and more people are realizing that bullying is not “just a normal rite of passage.”

In fact, most today realize that it is not “just a part of growing up.”

People have awakened. They now know that bullying is a health hazard. It is also a threat to human life. And it always has been.

There is a wealth of knowledge, resources, and programs readily available to targets and their families. We have a treasure trove of articles, books, and videos on how victims can bully-proof themselves.

Therefore, we have made lots of progress. However, there’s one thing that most of us haven’t considered.

Anti-Bullying Policies:

5. Bullies also have access to this information!

Sure, the information is meant to help and empower victims. However, bullies can use it as counterintelligence. Therefore, they can turn it against their targets.

And they can do it by using the information to tailor any future attacks.

6. Bullies can weaponize suicide awareness.

Bullying has been shown to cause suicide. This is a good thing. However, there is a drastic uptick in cases where bullies have told their victims to “kill themselves”.

A few have even talked them into it.

Remember that the most talented bullies are cowards at heart. But they’re also smart. They inflict their abuse on the down-low.

Moreover, they are meticulous, and worst of all, patient! They will not risk being caught. Anti-bullying policies do not address these details.

All they do is gloss over the subject.

7. Zero-tolerance policies harm victims more than bullies.

The vagueness of zero-tolerance policies cannot be understated. They may be there to keep bullies from physically attacking you. But they also prevent you from defending yourself.

Only they don’t tell you specifically. Zero tolerance ends up harming victims instead of protecting them. Why?

Because they don’t consider context or individual circumstances. Therefore, because these policies are so rigid, they don’t only punish bullies for physically attacking you. They also punish you for defending yourself.

For example, you’re sitting in class when the girl behind you pulls your hair. She has done this for months. You’ve tried to ignore it, hoping that she’ll get bored and stop.

However, she doesn’t. The girl only continues pulling your hair every day. Finally, you get fed up with being mistreated.

Unable to tolerate any more abuse, you turn around and punch the bully in the face. Conveniently, the teacher doesn’t see what the other girl did to you.

However, she sees you turn around and punch her in the nose. So, she punishes you without even considering what the other girl did to provoke you.

This happens all the time. And it’s why victims get blamed. It’s also why you should trust anti-bullying policies.

In Conclusion

This is why you should defend yourself from bullies. It’s your right. And it’s completely okay to do so. If someone physically attacks you, hit back.

If they verbally bully, fire off a comeback. And if they give you a dirty look, return the gesture. Also, if they exclude you, be okay with it. Do you really want anything to do with someone who mistreats you?

Standing up to bullying is your responsibility. No one else’s. And you shouldn’t rely on the school or HR to help you if you find yourself in the crosshairs of a bully.

This post is all about the ineffectiveness of anti-bullying policies so that you’ll know not to rely TOO much on them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Life Lessons from Bullying: 16 Powerful Takeaways to Remember

4. Suicide from Bullying: 3 Must-Know Facts

funny quotes about bullies

Quotes About Bullies that Help You Feel Good About Yourself

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Are you enduring bullying by classmates, coworkers, neighbors, or even family? Here are 15 quotes about bullies you must read and remember.

quotes about bullies

Bullies can rip your confidence and self-esteem to pieces.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn quotes about bullies you can read to feel better about yourself.

Once you read these quotes, your self-esteem will get a boost, and you’ll feel more confident. Just know that you’re better off than your bullies ever will be.

This post will give you several quotes about bullies so you can feel better, knowing that their behavior is about them, not you.

Quotes about bullies

Bullying crushes your self-esteem and your spirit. But it doesn’t have to. I can’t stress this enough. If you are bullied, it’s not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.

Here are quotes on bullies and bullying that make you feel better once you read them.

1. “You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.”

– Jeffrey Benjamin –

Really think about this quote for a minute. Bullies can’t rise on their own. Therefore, they must make you feel bad to feel good about themselves.

‘You see? When bullies have a foot on your neck, they can’t go anywhere either. They’d have to move their foot first. So, when they try to hold you back, they end up holding themselves back too. It’s funny how that works.

Moreover, it’s up to you whether to let them drag you down. Don’t make it easy for them. Make them work at it and ensure that they fail.

You do this by continuing to be yourself. You also win by believing in yourself in spite of what they tell you. Moreover, you do it when you keep working on your goals and pursuing your dreams.

Quotes about Bullies:

2. “If people throw stones at you, pick them up and build something.”

– Lecrae –

This quote is so empowering. It’s one of my favorites! When you live by this, you turn pain into power. You also turn failure into fierceness.

For instance, if people bully you, you can learn many life lessons from it. Moreover, you can write books and teach others what you have learned to help them overcome bullying.

Or, you can write music to help people. You can also start an organization that helps other victims of bullying.

Whatever your shtick is, use it to help others who are struggling with bullying like you once did.

3. “Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.”

– Anonymous –

Bullies may think it does. And it might for the moment, but superficial rewards are always temporary. They wear off quickly. Then, the next thing you know, your bullies always come back for more.

True power comes from within. It comes from hard work. It also comes from your own personal accomplishments. Most bullies don’t know how to succeed at anything. Therefore, they bully you to make themselves look better than what they are.

Quote about Bullies:

4. “If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them.”

– Unknown –

This makes perfect sense. Why? Because if you’re already down, your bullies don’t have to work as hard to keep you there.

If you’re a victim of bullying, have you noticed that the moment you become confident, the bullying always gets worse? Even your so-called friends may dig at you. I say this because it happened to me years ago.

Your self-belief threatens them. Therefore, they must work twice as hard to bring you back down to their level.

So, don’t make it easy for them. Continue to make them work.

5. “You never look good trying to make someone else feel bad.”

– Unknown –

That’s the truth. If bullies are trying so hard to tear you down, it’s their issue, not yours. Think about it. They’re not happy people.

Only those who are miserable try to tear you down. Therefore, their behavior says everything about them.

And bystanders notice that. They just don’t admit it because they’re scared of becoming the next targets.

Quotes about Bullies:

6. “Ignore the people who are always talking behind your back. That’s where they belong, behind you.”

– Unknown –

These are some of the truest words ever written. Most people who talk behind your back are cowards.

They don’t have the guts to say it to your face. Why? Because they’re afraid you might tell them where they can stick it.

Only those who are insecure gossip and spread rumors. And the fact that you don’t have to resort to this kind of behavior means that you’re already ahead.

Take comfort in that.

7. “Loud is not strong and quiet is not weak.”

– Unknown –

Have you noticed that bullies love to pick on the quiet ones? And have you noticed that bullies are usually loud and obnoxious?

Bullies may pick on the silent ones because they think they’re weak. Sometimes that’s true. However, it goes much deeper.

The quiet ones intimidate bullies.

“Watch out for the quiet ones” isn’t just a saying. It rings true. Quiet people are unpredictable. And that scares bullies.

Therefore, they target them the most to get them to react. This is how bullies study you and predict what you’ll do next.

Quotes about Bullies:

People who are loud crave attention.

Here’s another thought. Those who are the loudest do it to show off. They want everyone to notice them. It’s quite pathetic when you really think about it.

Loud is boastful. Quiet is modest.

Bullies are desperate for approval. And they get admiration from only those who want to be like them.

Therefore, loudness only shows weakness. Silence, on the other hand, shows strength.

8. “Don’t listen if someone says you aren’t good enough.”

– Unknown –

This is great advice. It’s your responsibility not to let others make you feel bad. In other words, you don’t have to believe them. Therefore, you must reframe everything bullies tell you.

It’s not that you aren’t good enough for them. It’s that they aren’t good enough for you.

Quotes about Bullies:

9. “Courage is fire and bullying is smoke.”

– Benjamin Disraeli –

Mr. Disraeli is absolutely right. ‘You see? Bullies are cowards. Moreover, they’re impostors. They put on a huge front to impress others.

Bullies act tough. And they make it seem as if they have boatloads of money. They make themselves look invincible. However, if you look more closely, you’ll see through the facade.

A bully’s worst fear is exposure. Therefore, it’s up to you to make that fear come true.

True courage doesn’t bully; it stands up to bullying.

10. “Bullying is a horrible thing. It sticks with you forever. It poisons you. But only if you let it.”

– Heather Brewer – 

This quote is another favorite of mine. And it’s one I believe in.

It’s your responsibility to protect your self-esteem from bullying. Never allow bullies to take away your confidence. Instead, reframe everything they tell you.

Bullies often project their own shortcomings onto you. They accuse you of the very things they do. Therefore, you must see through the behavior and call it out.

It’s the only way you’ll save your self-esteem.

Also, stand up to them. Never ignore them. Have a few comebacks ready for verbal bullies. And if a physical bully hits you, it’s okay to hit them back.

11. “Bullying is not a reflection of the victim’s character, but rather a sign of the bully’s lack of character.”

– Unknown –

Their behavior isn’t about you, it’s about them. Happy people don’t go around trying to make others’ lives miserable.

Misery loves company. And it’s the only reason bullies have victims. They need someone else to feel just as bad as they do. Therefore, it only highlights their own lack of character.

Quotes about Bullies:

12. “To be a friend of a bully so they won’t bully you too gives you a false friend who doesn’t value you or your friendship.”

– Ty Howard –

How true this is. Most bullies don’t have friends; they have followers. Bullies need their groupies to back them up and do their dirty work for them.

And once their followers have served their purpose, the bully quietly discards them.

Therefore, the next time a bully recruits others to mistreat you, know that they’re only tools. They’re being used to make the bully look well-liked.

13. “People who love themselves don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.”

– Dan Pearce – 

Again, happy people don’t go around trying to make others’ lives miserable. They don’t have to. When someone is truly happy, they want to see others happy too.

14. “Life is a fight, but not everyone is a fighter. Otherwise, Bullies would be an endangered species.”

– Andrew Vachs – 

So true! Remember that bullies select their victims very carefully. They only go after those they think won’t fight back. The favorite victims of bullies are those with low self-esteem.

If everyone fought back, bullies wouldn’t exist.

Quotes about Bullies:

15. “You’ll miss the best things in life if you allow a bully to scare and force you to hide and live inside yourself.”

– Ty Howard –

Believe it or not, bullies can discourage you from doing many things you’d like to do. For instance, if you love to sing, you might want to enter a talent show.

However, your bully has you convinced that you’ll lose. Moreover, you’re scared that people may boo you off the stage. So you decide not to risk it.

Life is full of risks. And if you don’t try, you’ll never know what the results will be. There are many people who let fear stand in their way. These are those who would otherwise find success.

So, let this quote encourage you to face your fear and do it anyway.

This post gave you quotes about bullies so that they may encourage you to take back your power and your freedom.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

2. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You

4. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

how to deal with workplace bullies reddit

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies: 9 Ways to Outflank Them

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Want to know how to deal with workplace bullies? Here is everything you need to know to keep yourself safe from predators on the job.

how to deal with workplace bullies

Workplaces are rife with bullies. If you have run that rat race long enough, you’ve probably ended up in the crosshairs of workplace abusers.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with workplace bullies so that you can take control of your career and win at work.

Once you know all about these crucial steps, you will claim victory over workplace bullies and succeed at your job.

This post is all about how to deal with workplace bullies so that you can stand up to them the right way, keep your job, and save your career.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies

Putting up with workplace bullies is not fun. It makes your job much harder than it needs to be. Moreover, it can ruin your entire career.

I went through a stint of it myself. However, I was lucky. You can read my story here. 

I have seen countless good, competent employees lose their livelihoods because of workplace bullying and mobbing. Therefore, without further delay, here is a list of what you can do if bullies are making your job a living hell.

1. Document every bullying INCIDENT.

It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your coworkers are bullying you. In any bullying situation, you’re on your own. No one is coming to rescue you.

Even if you report bullying to HR, it’s likely they won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Although they may be in a position to help you, it doesn’t mean they will. If nothing else, remember this. Most people only have their own interests in mind. And HR is operating for the company’s interests, not yours.

Therefore, you must be the one to prove that bullying occurred. That means gathering your own evidence. How victims of bullying mess up is that they rely on others to investigate bullying for them.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

Why Document Bullying?

In the workplace, you will likely deal with psychological bullying, which is difficult to prove. Therefore, keeping your own documentation of every incident is the most important thing you can do.

Here are 7 reasons to document bullying.

  • Documenting helps you keep a record of workplace bullying.
  • A bullying journal is admissible in court.
  • It helps you establish a pattern
  • It helps you keep your story straight.
  • You’re least likely to ramble when you report it.
  • It gives you a voice
  • It’s therapeutic

The best way to document is to use the 5W Method. In other words, record what, who, when, where, and why. And if possible, also write down how.

2. Wear a body cam.

You can wear a body cam. However, be forewarned. This is illegal in some states. Therefore, you must make sure that the laws in your state allow it.

Some states have a one-party consent law. This means that you can use a body cam because it only requires the consent of one party – that’s you.

On the other hand, laws in other states require two-party consent. This means that you must also have your bullies’ consent.

The last thing you want is to give your bullies grounds to sue you. Therefore, research your state’s laws first.

And if your state doesn’t allow it, documenting it should be enough.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

3. Save any inflammatory emails, texts, posts, or messages.

If people bully you via email or other digital means, save them to at least 3 different flash drives. Why three or more?

Because you need copies just in case HR decides to conveniently misplace their copy. Then keep them in different locations.

For instance, you can keep one in a fireproof safe at home, one in your office, and one with a trusted family member.

4. take pictures of all your finished work.

Workplace bullies are notorious for telling supervisors that you aren’t doing your job. Therefore, if possible, use your smartphone to photograph all your completed work.

The good thing about phone pics is that they are time-stamped. So there’s another layer of protection.

Take pictures of forms you fill out, company invoices, emails you send, and other forms of evidence.

You can also do this with manual labor. For example, if you work in the laundry department at a nursing home, you can take pictures of empty linen barrels.

You can also take pictures of the linen closet after you’ve stocked it with clean linens.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

5. Keep Backup copies of any invoices and other paperwork that PROVE you did your job.

When your job involves paperwork, it’s important to keep copies in a secret file. You do this in case the originals get lost or, ahem, stolen.

6. keep a hidden camera in your office.

Many workplace bullies, especially bosses, like to sneak into your office and snoop through your desk and computer. They may even steal things.

Therefore, if your state’s laws allow it, keep a spy camera in your office. Many spy cams are tiny and not noticeable. Therefore, you can hide them anywhere to bust thieves and snoops.

7. Keep a CyA file in a safe place.

Smart employees always keep a CYA file. What is that? You may ask.  It’s a file that covers your ass. When you deal with bullying at work, having this kind of file is of the utmost importance.

Therefore, you can keep all the evidence you gather from tips 1 – 6 in this file. It’s smart because it helps you keep everything together neatly.

Again, make copies of at least three. And store them in different locations.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

8. Don’t share anything you don’t want others to know.

Too many people make the carnal mistake of sharing too much information. This is risky for anyone.

However, if you’re dealing with workplace bullying, it’s not only risky, it’s the kiss of death. Workplace bullies have ways of twisting information that’s innocent.

 Of course, some information is just off limits at work. However, if you are a target of bullying, you’re better off sharing as little about your life as humanly possible.

This means, to anyone. Even your best friend.

Why? Because when people are bullying you, you can’t afford to trust anyone. It doesn’t matter how close you and your only friend at work are.

Bullies have ways of using even innocent details as fodder to defame you with.

What never to share at work.

Here is a list of things that are better kept private.

Your sex life, or lack of.

Not only is it just not smart, but it’s also distasteful. Anytime you publicly talk about your sex life, you make yourself look as if you have no class.

Moreover, bullies and other office parasites will take it and run with it. So, do yourself a favor. Don’t do it!

Your sex life is none of anyone else’s business. Keep it in your bedroom.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

A person in your family who has a drug addiction.

Family business is better kept in the family.  Also, workplace bullies will use it as fodder and tell everyone who’ll listen that you come from a family of druggies.

Therefore, keep it where it belongs.

Any medical conditions or diseases.

No one needs to know your medical history. If you disclose any medical issues, supervisors with no integrity will use it as an excuse to fire you.

Therefore, keep them to yourself.

Any mental illnesses.

This is a definite no-no! Any disclosure of mental illnesses will immediately end your credibility not only as an employee, but as a person.

There is too much stigma around mental illness. If you tell others that you have one, no one will ever look at you the same again.

Moreover, workplace bullies will use it against you. Don’t give them a chance to weaponize it against you. Keep it to yourself.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

Any legal troubles- even as minor as traffic tickets.

Again, bullies will only weaponize this information against you. Even worse, they’ll embellish on it to make it bigger.

It’s not worth the price you’ll pay later. Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know.

Family issues- divorce, child custody, births, deaths, etc.

If it’s negative family issues, workplace bullies will find ways to weaponize them. On the other hand, if it’s positive, they’ll only say you’re making it up.

They may even accuse you of bragging. It’s better not to share anything, good or bad, that happens outside of work.

Your past (if you’re old enough to have one).

This goes without saying. No one needs to know about your past, period. Bullies can use negative things about your past against you.

For example, no one needs to know that you spent time in jail for fighting at a kegger when you were in high school.

Just the same, you shouldn’t tell anyone about vacationing in Europe three years ago. Especially if people bully you at work! You don’t want to incite jealousy.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

Past abuse you may have suffered.

This is also private. If you share this, no one will feel sorry for you. Moreover, they won’t admire you if it made you stronger or if you overcame the abuse. Instead, most of your coworkers won’t care.

Moreover, if you’re a victim of workplace bullying, your bullies will only weaponize it. It’s better to keep it under your hat.

Your personal info (SS number, credit card number, birth date, home address, etc).

This is a no-brainer. Don’t share this information with anyone! It’s not worth the risk! Keep it to yourself.

Email and passwords to social media accounts.

This goes without saying. Do you really want to risk someone hacking into your social media account and posting porn all over your page?

Keep this private.

Names of your family members.

If you think that some bullies won’t search for and go after their victims’ family members, you’re dead wrong. Although this doesn’t happen often, it does happen. So, don’t chance it.

No one, especially a workplace bully, needs to know who your family members are.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

your daughter’s beauty pageant or your son’s perfect grades.

Again, even in non-workplace bullying situations, people will accuse you of bragging. Also, you may incite jealousy among workmates, which may lead to workplace bullying.

So, don’t mention it.

Your views about the recent scandal at  work.

This also goes without saying. Keep any opinions on any workplace scandals to yourself.

Your hobbies and interests.

Let’s face it, no one cares about your hobbies and interests. It’s just an unpleasant part of human nature.

Moreover, workplace bullies will find a way to attack or ridicule you with this information. So, don’t bring it up.

The TV show or movie you watched last night, especially if it’s a slasher show or one filled with hot-buttered sex.

Again, no one cares what you watched in the theater or on TV. Moreover, if you watched a slasher film, workplace bullies will use it to say that you have the mind of a serial killer.

Also, if you watched a sex-laden film, such as 50 Shades of Grey, they say that you’re a sex-crazed pervert. Therefore, keep these things to yourself.

Never talk about politics! Ever! That’s a no-no subject!

With cancel culture on the rise today, this is the worst thing you can do. And you can believe that workplace bullies would love nothing more than to use politics to destroy you.

It’s not worth the risk. Never talk about politics!

 Workplace bullies are already looking for dirty laundry. So, why air out yours? The less they know about you and your life, the better.

9. Be careful how you dress.

Last but not least, never dress provocatively. And don’t look like a slob. Avoid flashy clothing that makes you look like you have money. Only dress appropriately for the job.

In conclusion

You may not be able to avoid workplace bullies. Why? Because bullies are good at gaslighting. However, you can reduce the amount of fodder bullies have to weaponize. And you just might outsmart them and overcome bullying altogether.

If you feel the bullying is about to escalate into mobbing, it’s not too late to learn the signs.

This post is all about how to deal with workplace bullies so that you can become less OF a victim and outsmart those who wish to sabotage you on the job.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Prove Workplace Bullying: 3 Types of Proof You Need

2.  Confronting Bullying in the Workplace: Endurance and Resilience

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

4. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

5. Mobbed at Work: Signs You’re About to be Mobbed on the Job