Month: May 2024

how do bullies pick their victims psychology

How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

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How do bullies pick their victims? That is the question on every target’s mind. If people constantly bully you and you wonder how they chose you, look no further.

how do bullies pick their victims

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Being a victim of bullying can make life much more difficult than it should be. If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why it is you that bullies are coming for and what you can do about it.

You will learn about all the criteria bullies look for in potential victims.

After learning about this criterion, your question, “How do bullies pick their victims?” will be answered. And you can begin the inner work to become more bully-proof.

Also, you will be able to spot other potential victims and stand up for them.

This post will answer the nagging question that plagues your mind: “How do bullies pick their victims?”

How do bullies pick their victims?

Before we get into the answers, let’s ask this question.

Have you noticed that bullies always seem to target the same types of people?

Bullies don’t bully randomly. They pick only certain ones.

Bullies bully good people. They also pick people who are smart, creative, and seem to be going places. And they like to target introverts.

Moreover, and perhaps the saddest of all, they also pick the weakest. Bullies like to go after people with medical conditions. They also pick on those who have disabilities. Those with functional needs are also safe candidates.

And they target those perceived to have a physical defect.

Therefore, in a nutshell, they pick two categories of people. They will target those who are much weaker and lower on the social hierarchy. Or they will pursue those who threaten their power.

But!

So, how do bullies pick their victims? In other words, who do they select?

1. people who take responsibility for their lives.

Most victims are good people who follow the rules and laws. They understand that rules and laws are in place for a reason. And that is to ensure a safe community and society.

Most targets do not go around blaming others for their mistakes. They usually blame themselves and try to correct their mistakes when they make them.

Therefore, bullies see these people as easy to manipulate.

Why? Because these people tend to blame themselves. Therefore, bullies will blame these people for their own rotten behavior.

Over time, they condition these people to accept blame for things they have no control over.

Targets Bullies See as Threats to their Power

2. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

They pick people who are goal oriented.

This is especially so with workplace and corporate bullies.

Many targets of bullying work hard. They are goal-oriented and have a truckload of self-discipline. They know that if you want anything in life, you have to work for it.

Therefore, these victims hustle like the devil to reach their goals and dreams. Also, they have the utmost perseverance. This is a quality most bullies lack.

This is why most targets stay in toxic environments until they end up with a psychological injury. Bullies select these people because of their good traits.

And they only reflect back to the bullies their own laziness. They’re walking reminders of their own lack of purpose.

Bullies see these people as threats. Why? Because bullies lack self-discipline.  Moreover, their relationships are usually superficial.

Therefore, they will pull out all the stops to contain those threats.

How do bullies pick their victims?

Bullies may pretend to be your friend just to get close enough to hurt you.

Bullies will exploit these people’s perseverance by establishing one-sided relationships with them. If it’s business, they might partner up with them.

Next, they use the push-and-pull method. They’ll go hot and cold. If it’s a romance, they’ll alternate between love-bombing and abuse. And they’ll make empty promises.

And they’ll treat friendships the same way.

The reason bullies do this is to make you cling to hope. Maybe the bully will give you what you’ve been wanting. Maybe you want acceptance and approval. Or you like attention and praise.

However, here’s the hard truth. No matter how much you try to make things better, bullies will never be satisfied.

They will always find fault with you. Understand that one person can never sustain a relationship. And this goes whether it’s a business partnership, friendship, or romance.

It takes effort from both sides!

3. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

Most potential victims of bullying are empaths.

Most targets of bullying are exceptionally empathetic. They like to help humanity. At the same time, they strive for self-betterment.

Most empathetic people want to empower others and make a positive difference in the world.

However, to bullies, this is a threat. Why? Because most bullies are a bunch of self-centered, attention-grabbing creeps.

And empaths only force bullies to feel bad about themselves because of their own flawed personalities. In short, they force them to see themselves for who they truly are.

Therefore, bullies will go all out to make them pay for it.

Bullies target empaths to exploit them.

Also, bullies are masters at gaining sympathy from others. So, they target people with empathy to get sympathy from them.

They may pretend to be victims.

Bullies think you’re supposed to feel terrible because they’ve had such a tough life. And because they have had it so rough, it’s why they behave as they do.

This is how they guilt you into accepting their abuse.

But see this for what it is. It’s a load of bologna. There’s no excuse for treating others like garbage.

Empaths have difficulty setting boundaries. And bullies take full advantage of it. And when you finally get tired of their crap and put your foot down, they retaliate.

How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims?

4. They pick those they envy.

Some victims plan carefully and think ahead. They have goals that work out and solid, long-lasting relationships.

Bullies are jealous of them. Therefore, they desperately seek these people just to tear them down.

5. Bullies select those who are givers and not takers.

They love to target people-pleasers and those who don’t ask for help. And bullies select them because they see them as easy to use.

Because these people have a hard time setting boundaries, bullies will target them at will. They’ll do anything to achieve their own sick ends.

Understand that bullies are takers and never givers!

 6. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick People who are smart.

Intelligence is a huge threat to bullies. Why? Because a smart person will likely see through their bullshit. And they might just call them out on it.

Also, their smarts can make the bullies feel inferior. Therefore, they will give them hell.

Moreover, bullies want to get them before they get the bullies.

targets who appear weaker, slower, and less intelligent

These victims don’t pose as threats to bullies. But because they are seen as weaker, they’re usually on the lower end of the social hierarchy. So, they’re easy targets.

Therefore, bullies will harass them, too.

This is mostly the case with school bullies. But the popular ones may target students who are confident and are high academic stars.

1. These bullies select people with low self-esteem.

Bullies know these individuals are easy pickings. Why? Because anyone with low self-esteem is least likely to fight back.

Low self-esteem is easy to spot, and bullies are experts at reading people. Bullies will notice body language right off.

And sadly, many victims give off that “bullied” vibe. And they do it through their body language. Lots of people have poor posture. Downcast eyes are also a sign of low self-esteem.

Many victims wear a frown or expressionless face.

Understand that bullies see these cues a mile away. And, don’t think they won’t take advantage.

 How Do Bullies Pick their Victims?

2. They pick those with low communication skills.

If a person’s communication skills are lacking, they’ll likely suffer in silence when abused. Bullies rely on your silence so that they can continue to bully and cover up their behavior.

3. they pick those who are disabled and people with functional needs.

Why? Because they’re the most vulnerable and least valued in society. They’re defenseless. Let’s just be truthful here.

The heartbreaking truth is that the rest of society doesn’t see them as human. Bullies instinctively know this.

Therefore, should it be any wonder that bullies prey on SPED kids and disabled adults the most?

Bullies are great big cowards. And those with disabilities and functional needs can’t defend themselves.

Students in special education are usually low on social intelligence. So, they’re easy to get a reaction from.

4. bullies pick those with medical issues.

Those with diseases, such as diabetes and cancer, are least able to defend themselves. Bullies love bullying them because they feel the least threatened by them.

this post answered the question, “How do bullies pick their targets?”

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

like vs respect psychology

Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

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Do you want the ability to distinguish like vs respect? Or the opposite, dislike vs disrespect? Here we will discuss the difference between the two.

like vs respect

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Many people have the impression that like and respect are the same, when, in fact, they’re quite different. Here, I will differentiate like vs respect and explain how they differ.

You will learn to distinguish between the two by noticing the diverse characteristics of each.

After learning to separate both terms, you will be able to know the difference when you see it on the street. Also, your social life will benefit greatly.

This post is all about the difference of like vs respect that you must know to better work with people.

like vs respect

What’s the difference between them?

Before we go further, let’s put it this way:

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be liking without respect. Put more straightforwardly, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you. However, they do have to respect you to like you.

Difference 1.

Like:

Like is based on commonalities and good feelings shared between people. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life.

Whereas not liking somebody means you have nothing in common. Maybe you just don’t want to be around the person.

That’s perfectly okay. Why? Because not everyone is alike. Maybe you don’t share the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds.

Like is subjective, and it’s just a normal part of human existence. Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed.

Respect:

Respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality. When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person. But you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

In contrast, disrespecting someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality.

Hence, like vs disrespect.

like vs respect:

What are the Specific Signs of Dislike?

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.

2. You see them as having the same human rights as you and anyone else. And you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.

3. Dislike isn’t always personal. It just means you don’t mesh well.

Again, this is just a normal part of life. Everybody has people who don’t like them…everybody! Why? Because everyone is different, and we all run in different circles.

Most people confuse dislike vs disrespect.

Too many people mistake dislike for disrespect, even hate. There are people I dislike. However, I don’t hate them. I just let them be and go on doing my thing.

it’s dislike. that’s all it is.

This is why you should never worry about who likes or doesn’t like you. It’s a waste of your time. Why? Because when you do, you give away your power by allowing others’ opinions to control you.

So, do you want to be a slave to mere opinions?

The key to your happiness is not to concern yourself with what others think of you. Because you don’t, you give yourself happiness and freedom. And it’s the best kind there is!

Therefore, see your worth. Let those people go live their lives while you go live yours. As long as they aren’t bothering you, be okay with their dislike.

Do not go out of your way to make people like you. Don’t put on any fronts, and don’t try to be someone you aren’t.

In short, DON’T CHANGE!

Instead, be yourself and do your thing. Do the things that make you happy. Keep this up, and you will naturally attract the friends who were meant to be in your life.

like vs respect:

What are the Detailed Signs of Disrespect?

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.

3. Disrespect is always personal.

Disrespect is a whole different animal from dislike. If you have disrespect for a specific individual. You don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

Therefore, you don’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.

Put simply, you think the person somehow deserves to be violated. Therefore, you deem it okay to abuse them as much as you want and with impunity.

Disrespect almost always boils over into verbal and emotional abuse, and even physical violence.

beware of disrespect.

If you are ever around anyone who disrespects you, it pays to watch them closely. Just do it without looking like you’re watching them. Also, watch your back around them.

You can do one of two things. Either call them out or distance yourself. Understand that people who disrespect you are usually out to harm you.

However, you should never care about their opinions of you either. Never allow them to define you. It’s your place to define yourself, not theirs.

Instead, ask yourself these questions:

  • “Have any of these morons even reached my level?”
  • “Do their opinions even matter?”
  • “Who are these people that I should care?”

Understand that the weight you give to any opinion should depend on who they are. And you should determine it by the relationship you have with them.

Know that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant. And their words don’t matter.

like vs respect: Also, consider this:

In order to be offended by another person’s opinions or words, you must first value them. This means you must first value the owner of those opinions.

In other words, the value you give them depends on who they are and how close you are.

And hold on to those beliefs. Realize that their hatred only comes from a place of ignorance, stupidity, bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more.

Take it with a grain of salt and only value the opinions of those who know you- God and those of your closest family members and friends.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them your power.

like vs disrespect: how to respond

If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two. Then, act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike.

Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.

The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you, but will act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.

On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you and humiliate you. They may even try to sabotage you and physically assault you.

If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.

However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to stand up to them. You can also walk away from them or send them packing.

People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life! Therefore, do what you need to do to protect yourself. And if the person who disrespects you is in your circle, be prepared to cut ties with them.

It takes courage to walk away from a toxic family member or friend. But sometimes, self-care requires you to do so.

Besides, there’s a positive side to your bullies’ disrespect if you look for it.

You could see them as motivation to work on yourself. In other words, you can use it as fuel to pursue your goals and dreams. Your bullies’ disrespect can be a vehicle for success if you want it to be.

Conclusion:

If you had to choose, wouldn’t you much rather be respected than be liked? And, wouldn’t you prefer to be disliked rather than disrespected?

With dislike, there’s still a degree of safety. With disrespect, there is no safety. Why? Because when people disrespect you, they’ll violate your boundaries.

Think of it this way. In the Marine Corps, privates may not like a certain drill sergeant because he’s a complete jerk. But they respect him, and with respect comes protection and safety.

This post was all about the detailed differences of like vs respect to help you to recognize each when it happens and respond accordingly.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

conditioning psychology

Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

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‘Want to know the signs of conditioning so that you can protect yourself from it? These are the surefire signs to watch for.

conditioning

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Bullies and abusers have ways of conditioning you without you ever being aware that they’re doing it. In most cases, you won’t notice it until it has totally changed you and ruined your life. As someone who has been there and overcome it, I’m sharing the signs you need to know to stay safe.

You are going to learn about all the early signs of conditioning so that bullies can no longer play these mind games with you.

After learning about the signs of conditioning, you will be prepared and no longer easy to manipulate.

This post is all about the signs of conditioning that every victim and target of bullying should be aware of.

conditioning

What is it? In simplest terms, conditioning happens when others brainwash you to accept something you normally wouldn’t. Therefore, unscrupulous people will psychologically condition you to believe many falsehoods and accept all kinds of abuse.

This is how people get programmed, and extreme abuses get normalized.

Therefore, when you’re a victim of bullying, bullies will condition you to roll over and take their abuse. Over time, they slowly “Pavlov” you to believe any lie they say until they convince you to turn on yourself.

Conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-bit process that can be soft and subtle.

In other words, conditioning starts out small and is barely recognizable at first.  At this stage, you must know how to recognize it.

Why? Because the longer it goes on and the more severe the abuses become, the harder it is to defend yourself against it.

One thing that will help you recognize it is that your body will feel it. And you’ll sense it in the vibes the people you’re dealing with give off.

So, how do you know your bullies are conditioning you?

Here are the signs:

Conditioning:

5 Signs You’re being Conditioned:

You’ll know by the feelings you have.

1. You begin Feeling guilty for defending yourself, speaking out about the bullying you suffer, and reporting the bullying to authority

This most commonly occurs with empaths. However, anyone can fall victim. If you aren’t careful, you will likely be used and abused like a dirty rug.

Therefore, you must put your needs first. And there will be times when you will need to stand up for yourself.

You have a right not to be abused, and you are just as good as the next person. You wouldn’t inflict pain on anyone else. And you should never allow others to inflict pain on you.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential.

Therefore, continue to stand up for yourself. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Because if you don’t look out for yourself, no one else will either.

Remember that you aren’t responsible for their feelings. In a situation of bullying, all you have is yourself. And your greatest weapon is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

2. Another sign of conditioning is Feeling that the bullying you suffer is all your fault.

Anytime you blame yourself for the bullying you suffer, your bullies have conditioned you. Therefore, understand this right now! It’s not your fault!

You are not responsible for your bullies’ behavior. Their horrid actions reflect their choices, not yours.

Moreover, you cannot control another person’s behavior. The only person’s behavior you have control over is your own.

So, when you blame yourself for being bullied, you are taking responsibility for something you can’t control. And that’s the behavior of others.

Do not allow them to condition you to believe that things beyond your control are your fault! They aren’t.

3. You start feeling like a heel for saying no.

Saying “no” can be difficult and at times, even downright scary. If you’re a person who believes in helping your fellow man, the last thing you want is to let someone down. However, there are times when saying yes to someone else is saying no to yourself.

When you say no, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. And this goes especially when bullies are trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

It’s how you set boundaries. And setting limits is healthy.

Conditioning:

What to do if they threaten you.

But what if your bullies threaten either physical harm if you don’t comply with their wishes? Or, what if they threaten social exclusion?

Nobody wants to get hurt. The natural human response is to submit and make the pain stop. In your mind, you’re thinking, “Alright, alright! I’ll do it if you’ll go away and leave me alone!”

Therefore, you fall for the false promises that they’ll stop hurting you. BUT!

Realize that bullies and abusers never make good on those promises. The harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse.

Why? Because your bullies have benefited from forcing you to say yes. And they’ve probably been getting those benefits for a long time now.

Your bullies never stopped the harassment before. So, why would they stop now?

Saying no to a bully is never an easy option.

Bullies don’t take no for an answer, least of all from their victims! However, you must say it anyway! Why? Because it’s how you take care of yourself.

Therefore, begin saying no, and do it often. And realize that you can’t change a bully. But be forewarned.

The bullies will probably keep pushing your boundaries. They may even retaliate. And if they do, it isn’t your fault. And it’s not your responsibility.

So be ready to defend yourself if you have to. The only time you should say yes to bullies is if they pull a gun. Otherwise, stick to your answer.

Saying no is risky. It always has been. Your bullies may threaten you with the business end of their fists, and you may come out of it with a shiner and a fat lip.

However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Again, you must say no, even if it makes others angry.

4. another hallmark of conditioning is when You feel like the biggest wuss on the planet.

You know the feeling. When you know you let someone else force you to do something you didn’t want to? It left a psychological injury that took a long time to recover from.

You ended up asking yourself, “Now, why didn’t I tell those creeps to take a flying leap off the highest cliff headfirst?” That feeling of powerlessness can be worse than any physical pain you’ve ever suffered.

 And you blame yourself for not standing up to your bullies. You think that maybe you’re not strong enough. I’m not this enough, and I’m not that enough. This is another sign of conditioning.

However, you must know that your bullies act up not because you aren’t firm enough. And don’t think it was because you aren’t any good at defending yourself.

It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds. Bullies are abusers, and abusers have a talent for conditioning their victims.

Abusers expect the rest of the world to bow down and kiss their behinds. Therefore, none of that is your fault.

Understand that their behavior isn’t your guilt to carry. Begin standing up for yourself. And refuse to believe the lies your bullies try to drum into your head.

REPEAT!

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up! Stand tall! And stand firm, no matter what.

Conditioning:

5. Your body will feel those icky vibes your bullies are putting out.

You’ll sense it when something feels “off.” Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach. And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

This is, perhaps, the most important sign of all. Why? Because, as mentioned earlier, conditioning is soft and subtle in the beginning. And you don’t even notice it.

However, here’s your first clue: Your body will tell you if you pay attention to it. Your body, particularly your gut, will pick up on it.

Many targets of bullying often mistake this feeling for “just having paranoia.” Therefore, they ignore it. But this is the last thing you should do.

Understand that God gave us all that “sixth sense.” Some people call it your “gut feeling.” Others use the term “instinct.”

Therefore, whenever you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you are not overreacting. And you are not overreacting.

What you’re doing is picking up on that person’s energy. Your inner alarm is trying to warn you and keep you safe.

You must trust your gut. Pay attention to other people’s energy. Energy doesn’t lie, and neither does your instinct!

If you ever catch bad vibes from someone, steer clear of them. Instead, get as far away from them as you can and as fast as you can! You will save yourself a lot of trouble, I promise!

This post was all about the signs of conditioning to help you to recognize these indicators early on and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to be Aware of

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Power Statements to Use

phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

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Want to know the best phrases to shut down a gaslighter? The phrases that you’re about to read are the most powerful statements you need to make the next time a bully tries to gaslight you.

phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Photo from Canva

When people gaslight you, it can leave you confused and feeling unnecessary guilt. If you’re like I was, you probably wish you knew powerful phrases to shut down gaslighting. As someone who’s been bullied multiple times, I’m giving you the most powerful statements you can use to shut your bullies down for good.

You will learn about the top, most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter.

After learning about all these cool comebacks, you are going to be a pro and on the ready the next time your bullies even attempt to gaslight you.

This post is all about the most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter. This is information that every person with integrity should know.

9 most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter

Before we get to the phrases, here’s a quick question. Have you ever had a situation when a bully was gaslighting you, and you were stuck without a good comeback? I have, and it was pretty humiliating.

Gaslighting can make its victims feel not only confused but also embarrassed. It’s extremely difficult to pull out a good comeback, on the fly, when you’re in the middle of a gaslighting session.

However, one thing you should never, ever say to a gaslighter is this:

“I’m sorry.”

“You were right, it’s my fault.”

To bullies, apologies are not only submissions but admissions of guilt. Moreover, telling the bully they were right and admitting fault amounts to surrendering to them. This is how bullies think.

Although it may be tempting to accept blame to avoid further conflict, don’t. It’s not your job to keep them comfortable.

Therefore, don’t capitulate to keep the peace. Not under any circumstances!

Never take responsibility for a bully’s behavior, or anyone else’s, for that matter. You are only responsible for your own words and actions, not anyone else’s.

The reason you should never capitulate like this is that the bullies will only take it and run with it. In other words, they will only weaponize it against you from here on out. And they will do it for the next several years, or even decades.

Here’s what you SHOULD say:

1. “The truth hurts sometimes.”

This phrase is brilliant because it does two things:

It infuriates gaslighters because it reverses the sting onto them, turning the tables.

Also, it exposes your bully’s inability to handle the truth.

Your bullies may become angry after hearing this comeback. However, it can only work in your favor because their emotions will only make them more obvious.

Why? Because bullies don’t get emotional unless they’re so afraid they’re losing control of the conversation that they begin feeling desperate. Always remember that.

2. “I don’t see it that way.”

This is a good comeback because you’re making it clear to the gaslighter that you don’t agree with them.

Keep in mind that gaslighters gaslight because they want you to feel like you’re losing your mind. And they want it to seem like their behavior is your fault. They want you to doubt yourself and think, “Well, maybe she’s right. I probably did have it coming.”

No, you didn’t. Remember that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s behavior but your own. Your bullies’ behavior reflects their choices, not yours.

3. one-word phrases to shut down a gaslighter:

“Whatever.”

This one-word response is so potent. It’s short and sweet, and it’s the perfect blow-off to any gaslighter.

Why? Because it sends the message that you refuse to engage with them. Also, through that response alone, you communicate to your bullies that they’re a waste of your time. And really, they are!

Therefore, you end up taking the wind right out of the gaslighter’s sail. Why? Because your bullies are expecting a big reaction from you, and when you blow them off with a “whatever,” you stun them.

 Any time you calmly use this comeback, you send the message to bullies that they don’t hurt or intimidate you; they only bore you. Ouch!

It’s very difficult to counter a response of, “Whatever.”

Moreover, another reason this little beauty of a response infuriates bullies so much is that there’s no way to counter it. It stops them dead in their tracks and leaves them looking foolish.

Bullies may verbally retaliate with a “whatever” of their own. However, it will only make them look uncreative. Additionally, the bully will also look childish.

Therefore, the trick with this little one-word bomb is to draw first blood. In other words, he who says it first automatically wins the day!

Do it this way, and you look calm, cool, and collected while making your bullies look defeated. Most importantly, you preserve your own sanity by refusing to argue or to agree with their drivel.

So, keep this on your list of comebacks because with it, you can’t go wrong! Just remember to say it calmly and coolly. Then watch your bullies’ reactions as they search for a comeback, stumbling to find one without repeating you and looking utterly ridiculous.

However, whether they respond with a childish reply or not, your “whatever” has already shut down the toxic conversation. So, the only reason they respond is that they know they’re beat. Your bullies are only scrambling to find a comeback, which is why they usually fail miserably.

This is definitely to your advantage.

Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter:

4. I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This really ticks off bullies and gaslighters because, just like number 1, it turns the tables on the gaslighter. You send the unspoken message that you refuse to apologize for something you didn’t do or something that isn’t your fault.

Using this sarcastic comeback isn’t an apology. It’s a dig. It shows bullies and gaslighters that you couldn’t care less about their feelings. Also, it communicates to them that nothing they have to say to you is worth the effort you must put in to argue.

Again, this is how you respond to a gaslighter.  Gaslighters get no respect because they don’t give any.

5. “that’s your opinion, not mine.”

This comeback also turns the tables on gaslighters by sending their initial words back to them. Also, it lets them know you couldn’t care less about what they think of you or what they say.

Bullies will seethe when you use this gem of a comeback. I guarantee it!

6. “You have your reality, and I have mine.”

Gaslighters are notorious for trying to undermine your reality and call your perception into question. Anytime you give your bullies this response, you tackle the problem up front.

Moreover, they get the message that you’re not one to be swayed from your perception, which will shut them down completely. In other words, they’ll know instantly that you’re immune to any manipulative mind games they try to play.

And this is what you want, so they’ll leave you alone and find some other sucker to jerk around.

7. Phrases to shut down a gaslighter can also be questions.

“How?” or “Like WhO (what, when, where)?”

What you are doing here is asking for details. You’re responding to the gaslighter with questions, and they will absolutely hate that. Gaslighters always avoid details because when you ask questions, you change the focus from opinions and emotions to hard facts.

In essence, you force them to provide hard evidence to back up their argument. Most gaslighting bullies can’t do that simply because they only speak from emotions rather than facts.

Ask a bully questions referring to context and evidence. Then, laugh as you watch them stutter and stammer, trying to come up with an intelligent-sounding answer.

8. “You’ll get over it.”

This is the perfect response, rather than a direct apology.

Now, this may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, the “you’ll get over it” response allows you to respond without accepting blame and

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Either of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down.

Moreover, this comment will likely rile up your bullies’ emotions because they’ll get the message that you don’t take them seriously. And you shouldn’t. Therefore, they will expose themselves through their outbursts of anger and indignation.

Respond without taking responsibility for their bad behavior and do it with power!

9. The Softer version of one of the phrases to shut down gaslighters:

“Don’t worry. You’ll be alright.”

This response is the same as number 8 but with a softer touch. Again, this deflects the gaslighting away from you and back to the bully. The “Don’t worry” part highlights the bully’s anger or upset, while buffering you against the bully’s initial attack.

It’s one of the perfect verbal boomerangs that can force bullies to expose themselves because most bullies will explode at this comeback, even if it is a softer one. Why? Because they will get the message that you take their frantic gaslighting with a grain of salt.

So, what bully wouldn’t flip out at a response like this? Remember that bullies want you to get emotional. Or, they want you to hang your head low and walk away, feeling like you wronged them somehow.

Don’t do either of these things. Use these responses, and pretty soon, no one will bully or gaslight you. These responses worked for me, and they can work for you, too.

the post was all about the most powerful phrases to shut down a gaslighter to help you stand up to gaslighting and preserve your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut It Down

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

gaslighting phrases

Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

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Would you like to learn gaslighting phrases so you can recognize them as they happen? These are the most common statements bullies will use to make you doubt yourself.

gaslighting phrases

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When bullies hurl gaslighting statements your way, it can be twice as hurtful. Why? Because they victimize you a second time after you call out the initial abuse.

As one who’s personally experienced this kind of behavior, I’m giving you the top gaslighting phrases to keep an ear out for.

You are going to learn the most common gaslighting phrases bullies use against their targets.

After you learn about all these statements, you will be better prepared to use the right comebacks to shut these creeps down. Moreover, you will have a better chance of regaining control of your life.

This post is all about the most common gaslighting phrases that every target of bullying should watch for.

Gaslighting phrases:

Before we begin with the seven most common phrases used by gaslighters, let’s learn the definition and goal of gaslighting.

So, what is gaslighting?

Gaslighting comes from the 1940s film, “Gaslight,” in which an abusive husband exploits his wife. And he does so by trying to convince her that she is coming unglued. Another word for this type of abuse is “crazymaking.”

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that bullies use to make you doubt your own personal experiences. Moreover, the goal of gaslighting is for abusers to wield more power over you and diminish your account of the abuse.

It is a sick and perverse mind game abusers play. So, what are the most common gaslighting phases bullies use, and what do they sound like?

1. “You’re only imagining things.”

Bullies and abusers use this phrase to get you to doubt your own reality. And they do it to question your own sanity. Furthermore, they aim to discredit you and get bystanders to question you. It’s so easy, it shouldn’t work.

But it does work, perhaps, a little too well!

By using this phrase, the gaslighter attacks your ability to remember things accurately. Just as they do with the first statement, they discredit you by making you seem like you’ve lost your mind.

Moreover, they use this phrase to humiliate and silence you. Bullies hope that by doing this, they can make you so afraid of looking unstable that you’ll clam up.

Gaslighting Phrases:

This phrase has many goals.

  • to discredit and embarrass you in front of others.
  • To intimidate you
  • And to silence you.

This is why so many victims of this tactic eventually stop talking. And it’s why bullies and abusers continue and escalate the abuse without consequences.

2. “That Didn’t happen.”

This is another deceitful response that bullies and abusers quote to discredit you. This statement is also designed to attack your memory. It also makes you seem like you can’t keep your story straight.

Moreover, when bullies make this statement, they make sure to look confident when they say it. They also say it with conviction. Here’s one thing you should know right now!

Abusers know that confidence (even false confidence) and conviction are THE two ingredients that will make any lie believable to bystanders.

So, be sure to keep this last bold sentence in the back of your mind! Always!

3. “You’re out of your mind.”

This is, perhaps, the worst of all gaslighting phrases.

Yep. There’s that mental health label again. Attacking your mental stability is the worst thing your bullies and abusers could ever do.

The reason is that society treats those with mental illness the worst. Therefore, they believe them the least. People with mental illness are the easiest to discredit, and bullies know it.

Moreover, hardened criminals and former prison inmates get better treatment than the mentally unstable. The reality is that people will take the word of a bank robber, a rapist, or even a murderer over them.

Bullies and abusers instinctively know this. When they attack your sanity, they immediately shove you to the bottom of the societal hierarchy. Furthermore, this kind of label is the most difficult to tear off.

It’s much easier to exonerate yourself from accusations of a heinous crime than it is from the mental health label.

Additionally, they set you up to face a truckload of hate, discrimination, and prejudice. Why? Because society has an intense hatred of those with mental illness.

Gaslighting Phrases:

those perceived to be mentally ill are treated worse than hardened criminals.

Even the mere perception that you are imbalanced can bring hatred to your doorstep. In fact, you may be the most stable person on the face of the earth.

However, all it takes is for one person to paint you as “unhinged.” They can spread the word to enough people. Then, they can kick back and let the court of public opinion take it from there. It’s that easy.

 As a result, your reputation will fall like a meteor. ‘You see? Here’s the rub.

Indeed, no one can ever prove that you’re mentally unstable. However, there’s also no way to prove that you’re not.

Mental health is almost impossible to prove.

Again, bullies know this. And that’s what makes this label so brutal. It has ruined the lives of many good, honest, and hardworking people.

4. “this is why nobody likes you.”

Bullies and abusers are masters at isolating you. They very skillfully use smear campaigns to turn friends and family members against you.

Bullies do this by reversing the roles and playing the victim. Then, they’ll slander you to anyone who’ll listen.

And the reason they do this is to confirm that you are a bad person. Moreover, they can break down the support system you once had.

Gaslighting Phrases:

Once your bullies isolate you, you’re theirs to do whatever they want with.

Once people turn on you, they get a green light to continue and intensify the abuse. Bullies can now abuse you freely without fear. Because who’s going to butt in? Who’s going to interfere? And who’s going to come to your rescue?

This is why bullies despise it when you have people who love and care about you. It undermines their power and control over you.

And once they’ve isolated you, this is the phrase you will hear them say. You bullies will say this to make you feel devalued. Also, they do it to drive home the point that you aren’t worthy of love and friendship.

The goal here is to break your confidence and lower your self-esteem. Understand that the goal of gaslighting statements is to condition you over time.

The process of gaslighting is gradual and slowly wears you down until it leaves you totally powerless.

5. “You Bring It all On Yourself,” Is another one of the most obvious of gaslighting phrases.

This evil and self-serving statement is meant to shift responsibility from the bully to you. Because they refuse to take accountability, they blame you.

In doing this, they re-victimize you by blaming you for their abuse. Other gaslighting phrases include:

  • “It’s your own fault.”
  • “You got what was coming to you.”
  • “You made me hurt you.”

NOTE: “You made me” statements are obvious gaslighting phrases. Therefore, see them for what they are. And cut ties with the gaslighter immediately, if possible. If this isn’t possible right away, you may need to plan your exit slowly and carefully. And you may have to watch and wait for the opportunity to get out.

6. You’re over-reacting” or “You’re being too sensitive.”

Gaslighting statements like these are used to trivialize your experiences. Understand that bullies are experts at downplaying their behavior and your feelings about it.

The goal here is to undermine your voice and your word in front of an audience. And they try to convince others not to take you seriously.

If your bullies can make others question your credibility, they can bleed you of any outside support.

7. “Everyone is on my side!” or “Everyone Agrees with me!”

This is also one of the top 3 worst gaslighting phrases. The reason it’s so bad is that it makes you feel outvoted.

In other words, by making this statement, the bullies want you to feel as if everyone is ganging up on you.

Therefore, the more people you think side with the bullies, the more likely you are to doubt and question your own judgment. Abusers hope you do. Why? Because if you doubt yourself, it’s easier for others to doubt you, too.

In conclusion

If you want to preserve your mental health, you must know who you are and what you experience. Stay strong and never doubt what you see, hear, and experience. Do it, no matter what mind games and tricks your bullies play.

Also, if possible, you must leave the environment (the company, the school, the relationship) if you expect to begin healing and take back control of your life.

Remember that people have left their home countries to escape oppression. That’s what gaslighting is: it’s a form of oppression, as are other kinds of bullying and abuse.

It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be tough for a while. But it will be worth it in the end! I promise!

This post is all about the most common gaslighting phrases to help you see gaslighting for what it is and find a way out of any bullying environment!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out for

coercive control

Coercive Control: The Top 5 Signs and How to Escape It

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Do you want to know what coercive control looks like? These are the signs you must watch for if you want to stand against it or make your escape.

coercive control

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Coercive control is harmful as it strips you of freedom and autonomy. As someone who has experienced this before, I’m giving you all the signs to watch for. These are characteristics that I and many others have seen firsthand, time and time again.

You will learn the exact indicators so that you can decide early on the best course of action to take back your personal power.

After you learn about all these characteristics of it, you will be better able to take back control of your life and protect yourself from any future coercion.

This post is all about the signs of coercive control that every empathetic, high-integrity person should know.

Signs of Coercive control

Before we go further, we must know that coercive control happens in all aspects of life. We most often hear of it running rampant between romantic partners and spouses.

Although true, coercive control also happens in school and on the job as well. Moreover, it is the main ingredient of school and workplace bullying and mobbing.

With that said, the first step in getting out of any controlling situation is to know the signs and what it looks like. Here are the signs.

Coercive control consists of behavior patterns that terrorize, punish, and harm its victims.

1. Ultimatums.

Ultimatums are the number one, most obvious sign of coercive control. They always include threats of some form of loss or harm.

Moreover, they are meant to induce terror and slowly chip away at your confidence. Bullies use ultimatums to condition you into believing that you have no other choice but to obey.

Therefore, the goal is to force your hand by threatening to take away something important. This could be the loss of a relationship.

It could also be the loss of your home or your children. It could ever be your job or your entire career.

In other words, bullies wield power by threatening the loss or harm to anything or anyone you love.

Here’s an example. An abusive spouse threatens to take the children if the wife leaves.

Also, we have seen this form of control run rampant in the last five years. An example would be during 2020 and 2021, the height of the you-know-what.

It was, “do this within thirty days or you will no longer have your job.” Or it was, “If you haven’t done that within the next two weeks, we’ll revoke your business license.”

Ultimatums are so blatant. There should be no question that they’re hallmarks of coercive control.

If people begin giving you ultimatums, know that they are trying to control you. Whether it’s an abusive partner or a toxic boss at work. They can also be bullies at school. Therefore, you must stand against it.

You have two choices. Either say no and back it up by refusing their demands, or head for the nearest exit. Do either of these, and you make a choice not to be controlled.

2. Physical Assaults and attacks.

Bodily harm is another one of the most blatant and obvious forms of coercive control. Not only do physical beatings harm you, but they also induce intense fear.

So, see them as a tool for bullies to reinforce their power and control.

Nobody wants to get brutally beaten. Bullies instinctively know this. Therefore, they use the threat of physical harm to get you to obey their orders.

Therefore, if physical bullies ever attack you, it’s best to defend yourself. You have every right to do so.

If you can’t defend yourself because of size, lack of strength, or physical ailment, get the police involved. At least have them make out a report.

The law may or may not do anything for you. However, if they file a report and give you a copy, you have a paper trail.

Also, you have established a history of abuse on the part of your bullies.

You should also document each occurrence of physical abuse, even if it happens only once. Remember that documentation of bullying is sufficient evidence. Therefore, it’s admissible in court.

You have a God-given right to be free from harm. Don’t hesitate to assert that right!

3. the signs of Coercive control also include Isolating the victim.

When controlling abusers isolate you, they do it deliberately. They do it to cut you off from any support you may otherwise receive from others.

For instance, abusive spouses will stop their partners from talking to their family and friends. They will talk trash about the other people who love the partner.

Also, they will guilt-trip them for spending time with family and friends. Abusers will also claim that your family members and close friends don’t really love you. This is how they plant seeds of doubt in your mind.

Moreover, bullies will use smear campaigns to turn your friends against you. They will also do everything they can to prevent you from making any new friends.

Even worse, they will go as far as to try to turn your family members against you, too.

Again, they do this on purpose because their goal is to isolate the victim from support networks. This way, they can better keep their victim under their control.

This is why you must stand firmly against this kind of abuse if it happens to you. And if you can’t stand against it, document everything, then leave the environment. Leave the company or the town if you must. But, get away fast!

Next, consult an attorney if you can afford it. Lastly, file suit against them if you have sufficient evidence to do so.

4. They watch you closely.

Bullies and abusers will watch you like a hawk! Abusive partners, school bullies, and workplace harassers will stalk you online. And they’ll go through your social media profiles.

They do this to see if they can find dirt on you to spread around.

Abusive partners will scroll through your phone to see if you are cheating or talking to potential mates. They will also text you to check up on you.

They will ask where you are, who you’re with, and when you’re coming home. Also, they will drive by your house to see whose car is in your driveway.

Moreover, they will also try to find out who your visitors are. School and workplace bullies will also watch your house to find out the same things.

These kinds of people will even go through your trash. And they do this AFTER they follow you home.

And they usually do this while your garbage can is sitting on the edge of the street waiting for the next day’s garbage pick-up.

If possible, set up a home security system. Purchase a dash cam for your vehicle. Record these nosy nut-bags. Remember, stalking and invasion of privacy are illegal, and you can press charges. You can also sue the pants off them.

However, you must first gather your evidence and enough of it.

5. coercive control can also come in the form of cutting off any financial support the victim may receive.

This form of coercive control happens mostly in relationships between romantic partners. And when it does, the abuser often prevents you from going to work or getting a job.

Bullying partners do this so you’ll depend solely on them for financial support. Thus, making it more difficult to walk out on them and compelling the victim to stay in the abusive relationship.

Moreover, abusive partners may withhold money from you to punish you for a perceived slight. In this, they cause you to go without food, shelter, or clothing as a punishment.

This keeps you in line and gives the abuser continued control.

financial control doesn’t only happen in romantic and spousal relationships.

This may happen mostly in relationships. But school and workplace bullies can also exert this kind of control. For instance, school bullies will take your lunch money.

They may also coerce you to hand over the money they brought for school pictures and yearbooks. Realize that this is also a form of financial control.

Workplace bullies may cause the company to demote you, which usually comes with a huge pay cut. They may also deliberately get you terminated.

Also, workplace bullies will try to prevent you from getting a job somewhere else. Thus, they prevent you from supporting yourself or feeding your family.

Understand that this is also a form of financial control. Why? Because it cuts you and your family off from any financial support.

I know a few people who have endured this. And it took a long battle for them to overcome it and finally regain financial stability.

In conclusion

It may be difficult. However, it’s better to leave the relationship before it gets this bad. Also, document. I can’t repeat this enough! Documenting is crucial!

Also, you must document every instance of workplace bullying. Then, leave the toxic workplace before your bullies have a chance to get you fired.

You’ll know the signs early on if you pay attention.

This post was all about the top signs of coercive control to help you to know when it’s time to plan your escape and get out from under it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

gaslighting at work

Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

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Want to know how to spot gaslighting at work, especially if it happens to you? Here are the classic indicators of workplace gaslighting so that you can know when it’s time to update your resume and plan your escape before your job and entire career take a huge hit.

gaslighting at work

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Gaslighting at work is no joke. If you’ve been on the receiving end of it like I have, you’re wondering how to spot it. Then you can know when it’s time to plan your exit carefully.

You will learn about the signs of gaslighting at work so you can better protect yourself.

After learning about all these surefire indicators, you will be better equipped to decide whether to dust off your resume and get out of that toxic work environment.

This post is all about gaslighting at work. This post will give you the symptoms that every job applicant and employee with any integrity should know about

Gaslighting at work: Signs to watch for

Gaslighting is gaslighting regardless of where it happens. It is a type of manipulation that makes you doubt your own sanity. And it makes you feel like you’re going out of your mind.

Although it happens at home and at school, it can also happen in the workplace.  Workplace bullies will gaslight you to avoid accountability for their own behavior. So, what are the signs?

1. The person doing the gaslighting is usually someone higher up.

When gaslighting happens at work, it’s usually management that uses it to abuse employees. In many cases, they use charm and deceit to gaslight. Therefore, it can be hard to spot it while it’s happening.

Supervisors and managers will often use their authority as leverage. This discourages employees from challenging them. And it’s why many don’t report bullying at work.

Also, the gaslighted employee is more than likely suffering workplace bullying and mobbing. The employee may be under so much stress that they may be unable to think straight.

And when you can’t think straight, it’s harder to identify gaslighting when it happens.

People in authority gaslight simply because of their positions of power.  Why? Because they know an employee’s word carries little weight.

Also, lower-level employees face greater threats of job loss.

It’s not about right and wrong. It’s about Hierarchy.

Understand that in any case of gaslighting at work, it’s not about right and wrong. It’s about hierarchy. Therefore, the unspoken message is this.

“We’re in charge, you’re not. So we can beat our chests and get away with it. And your best bet is to shut up and take the abuse. Or, you can go to work somewhere else.”

“And good luck with that, by the way! You still have to list us as a work reference. So, not only can we fire your butt, but we can also block you from finding work.”

Sadly, there are some truly psychotic managers out there. And they’re a force to be reckoned with.

However, if you remain calm and know what to look for, you can spot gaslighting. If a boss is gaslighting you, your best recourse will be to gather evidence.

Next, you can put in your two-week or thirty-day notice. Finally, once you leave, you can get another job. And the best part is that you’re free to sue the pants off the company.

2. the gaslighter is vague in their instructions.

Bullies use vagueness as a weapon. Therefore, bullying bosses are always vague in their instructions. Understand that they do this deliberately.

It’s a slick way for them to withhold information that’s vital to your job performance. Moreover, workplace bullies do this to make you appear incompetent.

Remember this. If a bully boss has it in for you, they’ll be looking for any excuse to fire you.

Therefore, look for them to be as vague as possible when they tell you how to perform your job. They will intentionally leave out important details.

Later, they will chew you out in public to make you look like a moron. This is just another form of gaslighting at work.

When this happens, it’s best to polish your resume. You want to get out of there before things get worse. And believe me, they are about to get worse, much worse.

Therefore, it’s better to head it off before it destroys your career.

3. gaslighting in the workplace also includes a disregard of company policy.

For instance, you get hurt on the job and file a report. And the supervisor “accidentally” forgets to send it through the proper channels.

Then, he will accuse you of failing to report an on-the-job accident. Therefore, this provides the evil boss with just another excuse to get rid of you.

And who’s the upper management going to believe? You or the supervisor? I think you already know the answer to that question.

This is why you should always make copies of the accident report. You will save yourself a truckload of trouble.

Again, gather your own evidence and plenty of it. Then, when another job opportunity comes open, get the hell out of there.

Once you leave that hell-hole and you’re clear of any of the bullies, then haul them into court.

4. moving the goalposts is another form of gaslighting at work.

If you’re lucky enough to reach a company goal, your bully boss will move the goalposts. They do this on purpose to make you look slow.

You may exceed goals time and time again. But your bully boss may view your successes as threats to his job.

Therefore, they will cheat. And they will do it by raising the standards so high that quotas will be impossible to reach.

Then, they chew you and everyone else out for “failing to meet the company quota.” Don’t even try to meet those impossible goals.

You’ll only wear yourself out eventually. Besides, how many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you going to make before you become exhausted?

How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that it’s a lost cause? You’ll only end up disappointed. Just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.

So, stop wasting your time and energy. Realize that these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up.

Again, the best you can do is look for other employment. And, when you find it, blow on out the door and bid these tyrants good riddance. No job is worth your mental or physical health.

5. gaslighting at work is also done by co-workers.

Even co-workers may gaslight you to get that promotion. In other words, they kick you and others down to move up in the company.

Other forms of gaslighting by co-workers are when they take credit for your work. And when you call them on it, they make it look as if you’re trying to take credit for theirs.

They reverse the roles of victim and offender. This tactic is so easy it shouldn’t work. But, it does. Millions of good employees get sacked because of this method.

Other forms of gaslighting at work by co-workers include them making up negative stories about you.

Also, they will deliberately sow discord between you and other co-workers. They will do it to make you look like you aren’t a team player.

Lastly, bullying co-workers will intimidate your colleagues and threaten retaliation if they continue to associate with you.

In conclusion, you must remember this very important tidbit here:

Most cases of workplace bullying, mobbing, and gaslighting by co-workers have someone high up behind the scenes. This ringleader is the one who’s directing the entire movie.

Put another way, your co-workers are likely gaslighting you at the behest of a manager.

And they do this because the person in power has given them incentives to do so. They’ve offered them promotions. They may even offer huge bonuses to bully you out of your job.

And who wouldn’t if there’s the possibility of moving up in the job. Think about it. Not only do they have the chance of a higher position.

They also get higher pay and more prestige. Not many people would turn that down.

Sadly, there are more people without integrity than there are those with. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. And people will step on you to climb the ladder.

Therefore, you mustn’t give them the power to use against you.

Also, you must work on an exit plan the moment you find yourself in these kinds of situations. The sooner you quit and move on to greener pastures, the better off you’ll be.

This post was all about gaslighting at work to help you decide when it’s time to prepare your exodus, cut your losses, and move on to a better job and work environment.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Respond to DARVO: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

how to respond to DARVO

How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

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Would you like to know how to respond to darvo that bullies use to discredit you when you report their bullying or speak out against it? Here are the most powerful ways you must know.

how to respond to DARVO

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The DARVO method that bullies use is tricky. Many victims of bullying are at a loss as to how to respond to it. As one who has had this method used on me, I am giving you the most powerful ways to respond.

You will learn about how to respond to DARVO properly and the best responses that will shut this method down for good.

After learning these points, you will be extra prepared the next time a bully uses this evil technique against you.

This post is all about how to respond to DARVO tactics that bullies use. This is important information every victim of bullying should know.

How to respond to darvo:

1. learn what darvo is and how bullies use it.

The first step in learning how to properly defend yourself against bullying tactics is to understand exactly what each tactic is.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

Realize that this is a classic reaction bullies make any time the victim calls out their bad behavior.

If you are a victim of such tactics, it is imperative that you educate yourself on them.

Additionally, you need to memorize the textbook description of it. You must also know what DARVO looks like as it is happening.

For instance, a bully with narcissism may attack you, and you may call them out on their rotten behavior. The bully reacts by telling you, “It’s no big deal.” Or, he may say something to the tune of, “You’re making something out of nothing.”

Understand that these are classic DARVO comebacks. Why? Because they invalidate reality and make you out to have overreacted. Don’t fall for it. You know what they did and that it was wrong. Therefore, continue to stand strong and stick to your guns.

How to Respond to DARVO:

the bully will project.

Moreover, the bully will become extremely aggressive and attack your character and credibility. They may even attack your motives and intentions.

The bully may also break down in tears or begin yelling in anger as they attack you. Bullies are experts at turning on emotions to achieve a desired result.

And that is to make it look like you instigated their abuse. In other words, they make it look as if they were only reacting to what you did to them.

Also, the bully may use insults, threats, and gaslighting to discredit you. Moreover, they will swear up and down that they’re being unfairly accused. Or, they’ll say that you are making false accusations against them to cover your bad behavior.

Put simply, they will accuse you of doing to them the same things they’re doing to you. This is classic projection. Therefore, call it out.

As another attempt to deflect, bullies will also try to justify their evil behavior by shifting blame to you.

Understand that bullies do all this to reverse the roles. And they hope that others will see them in a more positive light.

Bullies want others to see their abuse as a reaction to something you did to them first. All the while, they continue to inflict more abuse.

How to Respond to DARVO:

2. whatever you do, stay calm.

This is an absolute must. Why? Because your bully is hoping and praying that you will lose your cool. But don’t!

Why? Because bullies will use it as confirmation that you’re cuckoo. And, believe you me, they’re masters at this!

Also, they will misconstrue your emotions (crying, etc.) as a sign of guilt. Instead, remain calm, and the bully is more likely to be the one flipping out.

I have found that remaining calm and cool drives them up the wall. Therefore, you force your bullies to expose themselves.

Remember the quote in Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

“Let the enemy destroy themselves.”

Again, your calm demeanor will arouse not only the bully’s anger, but also their fear. Your bully will be flabbergasted as to why you’re so calm. This will throw them off balance.

Moreover, they’ll flip out and begin yelling, shouting, and cursing. Don’t let this behavior intimidate you because this is what you want them to do to expose and embarrass themselves.

Remember that bullies have big egos and an image to protect. Also, they have an intense need for control.

And they will do everything they possibly can to preserve their egos and maintain control. They have an image to maintain.

Staying calm is difficult when bullies abuse you. But it’s most effective at riling your bullies and exposing their true colors.

The calmer you are, the more unhinged your bullies will get. Then, they’ll unwittingly expose themselves through their own behavior.

3. How to Respond to DARVO:

Call the behavior out by name.

This is why you must first know what DARVO is. You must also know the names of all the behavior that goes with it. This way, you can call it out and won’t sound like you’re rambling.

Rambling makes you sound mentally imbalanced and less believable. But naming the behavior and stating your case clearly and concisely makes you look credible.

And it makes the bully look unhinged. This is what you want.

For example, if the bully is accusing you of the very behavior they directed at you, call it by name. Projecting. And do it in front of an audience.

Tell them that they’re projecting to make themselves look like the good guy. And that you are onto them.

If they are trying to justify their behavior, again, call it out. Say to the bully, “Don’t try to justify your behavior because there is no justification for it.

Be an adult (or if it’s a child, you can say, ‘be a big girl/boy’) and take responsibility for your actions.”

4. Document, document, document!

You must document everything in detail. Keeping a bullying journal is of the utmost importance.

Keeping documentation helps you to keep a record of bullying. It also helps you present it in a clearer, more concise, and more organized manner.

Moreover, it is admissible in court. And you can also take it to tribunals, at work, or school board meetings.

When you document, always use the 5W Method. This means to write down What? Who? When? Where? and Why? And if possible, How?.

Doing it this way allows your story to make more sense. Also, it effectively identifies any perpetrators and identifies potential witnesses.

In other words, write down what happened, who was involved, and who was around to see what happened (the names of any bystanders and witnesses). Also, write down when it happened (the exact date and time).

Additionally, include where it happened (did it happen in the school locker room? The workplace parking lot?) and if you know, why it happened (was it because you reported your bullies’ abuse of you?) Be as detailed as humanly possible when you document!

How to Respond to Darvo: do your own investigation!

This is how you gather your own evidence. How to respond to DARVO doesn’t include waiting for anyone else to do anything; you can just as easily do it for yourself.

Never rely on the school or your workplace to conduct its own investigation. This is where many victims get screwed. Why?

Because when entities do their own investigations (if they do them at all) it will only be to their advantage, not yours.

The reality is that institutions usually side with bullies. Why? Because bullies are experts at covering their behinds. Moreover, they are also usually stars in the who’s who at school.

And they’re usually higher up in the workplace or organization.

Therefore, always do your own investigation. Documenting is the most effective way to gather your own evidence.

Depending on the laws in your state or jurisdiction, you can secretly record the bullying. Again, make sure the laws in your state allow recordings.

If you live in a two-party consent state, you must also have the permission of anyone you record. However, if you live in a one-party consent state, you only need your own permission. Therefore, you are FREE to record!

Again, make sure you know the laws in your state before you do this. The last thing you want is for your bullies to have grounds to sue you for invasion of privacy. And you just know they would salivate over that opportunity. So, don’t give it to them.

5. practice self-care

Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Make daily affirmations to yourself.

Make I AM statements, “I AM a good person,” “I AM not wrong for standing up for myself,” “I AM lovable,” “I AM deserving of friends, family, and people who love me,” ” I AM worthy of God’s love because He loves me anyway, regardless of what I’ve done in the past,” etc.

And when you make these affirmations, believe them with all your heart.

Practicing self-care also means spending time with the people who love you. Keep company only with those who lift you up and avoid people who bring you down. This is how you nurture your self-esteem and mental health.

Indulge in a good soak in the bathtub with bath bombs or treat yourself to a day at the spa.

Self-care is essential when dealing with this form of abuse.

this post was all about how to respond to darvo so that you can better protect yourself against this insidious form of abuse.

Related posts you will enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

acceptance and tolerance

Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

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Do you want the ability to spot the difference between acceptance and tolerance? These sure-fire indicators will tell you whether your friend group accepts you or only tolerates you.

acceptance and tolerance

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If you are a target of bullying and you’ve made a few friends, it can be hard to know whether they really like you or not. As a former victim myself, I’m going to show you the difference between acceptance and tolerance. Also, I’ll use my own past experiences to give you the warning signs you need to watch out for.

You are going to learn about all the good and bad signs you need to be aware of in order to decide whether or not it’s time to walk away and pick better friends.

After you learn about all these indicators, you will be able to spot bad signals when you see them in the future. Then, you,ll be able to walk away without guilt and be more choosy of the company you keep.

The best part is that you’ll be able to avoid the pain fake friends can cause before it’s too late.

This post is all about acceptance and tolerance, and the detailed behavioral differences you’ll spot in people who accept and in those who only tolerate you.

Acceptance and tolerance

How do they differentiate?

When people speak of tolerance, you should immediately cringe. Few people find the word very attractive because let’s be real here. The word itself has a rotten smell. To put it bluntly, it sounds downright gross!

Sadly, many targets of bullying are so afraid of being alone that they settle for friends who aren’t friends at all. The people the target associates with may keep the target under the impression that he’s being accepted when, in fact, they may only be tolerating him. And you can tolerate someone without accepting them.

I know a few who assume that acceptance and tolerance mean the same, but they don’t.

here’s an example of tolerance

You’re in polite company. The guy sitting next to you, (who happened to scarf three huge bean burritos for supper last night, then put away three eggs for breakfast this morning) covertly eases forth a silent but deadly fart.

You catch the first nauseating whiff. However, you can’t hold your nose nor leave the room without seeming rude to everyone else in the room.

Therefore, you only sit there, trying to keep a poker face, while nonchalantly holding your breath until you’re sure the smell has dissipated. That’s what tolerance is.

Tolerance means that people allow the target to be around but secretly wish he’d go the heck away. And it has a way of seeping through in how they think of the person, how they act around him, and how they behave toward him.

So, what’s the difference between acceptance and tolerance? how do you know you’re being accepted and not tolerated?

 

1. people will invite you to their social gatherings if they accept you.

On the other hand, if they only tolerate you, they’ll exclude you.
Moreover, you’ll often hear the rest of the group talking about the barbecue or sleepover they had over the weekend. You know, the one that none of them thought to invite you to?

If people tolerate a person, they only permit having them around when there’s no other choice. In other words, they allow the person to be around because there’s no way they can make them go away or say anything without looking like a heel.

When the tolerated person is present, the rest just grin and bear it.

Show these morons you have a modicum of self-respect and walk away. You don’t need them.

2. if they accept you, you will be included in all group conversations.

On the other hand, if you’re only tolerated, you will notice the other members of your so-called friend group communicating with every other member except you.

Therefore, you will feel left out. And, to be brutally honest here, this is how they want you to feel. Why? Because these people are praying to the Good Lord above that you’ll take a hint and just get lost already.

You’d much rather be alone than be lonely. Alone is when you’re physically by yourself. Lonely is when you’re among people, yet you’re still alone because to them, you don’t exist.

You can be alone without being lonely, and it’s okay to be alone. Realize that if you ever feel lonely and you’re in a group, that’s the time to tell them to go kick rocks and be on your way.

Acceptance and Tolerance:

Here are other things to consider:

By continuing to be around people who tolerate you, you only decrease your value as a person. That’s right. Anytime you must crawl behind people who don’t give a crap about you, you make yourself look like you have no other options.

People who see this lose all respect for you and think you’re weak and, worse, desperate. Therefore, your value will drop like a meteor!

Moreover, you’ll risk being used and abused.

Any time you’re desperate to have friends, you’ll settle for any crumb of human connection. You’ll be willing to put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone.

Users and abusers will take notice of this and hang around only to get something from you. And those who are decent people and would otherwise be good friends will want nothing to do with you because desperation is so off-putting and only repels them.

Tolerance just plain sucks! For both parties!

It sucks for the others because they don’t want you around. However, they don’t know how to get rid of you without looking like jerks.

On the other hand, it sucks for you too because you’re in a place you’re not welcome and in a situation in which they will mistreat and even abuse you.

It sucks for everyone involved because the energy in the room is bad. Therefore, anytime a person is only tolerated, everyone feels it.

Tolerance includes resentment.

Put simply, it’s gritting your teeth, sitting there with contempt on your face, and drumming your fingers until the unwanted person finally leaves. Tolerance makes you feel crappy because it’s begrudging, and there’s suffering on the part of the others.

So, your best bet is to head for the nearest door. Do you really want to sacrifice your dignity by continuing to crawl behind people who refuse to see your worth?

3. the difference between acceptance and tolerance: if they accept you, they will stop and wait for you to join them if you lag behind.

Whereas, if your friends only tolerate you, they will never stop for you.

You will feel as if you’re constantly lagging behind and can’t seem to keep up.

Again, if you continue to chase after these chumps, you’ll only embarrass yourself and further erode your self-esteem. If you don’t have respect for yourself, no one else will either. No one respects anyone they deem pathetic.

You need to muster up some pride and stay away from people who make you feel bad about yourself! Begin rejecting them and have nothing more to do with them. Then watch your value rise again and see how much better you feel about yourself afterward.

The Difference between Acceptance and Tolerance is huge!

Acceptance is sitting quietly and letting the person just be. It’s embracing her good qualities regardless of your dislike of him. Acceptance fosters understanding of the person, even when others may not agree with them.

But tolerance is hatred turned inward. We accept those we merely dislike. However, we only tolerate people we find disgusting and abhorrent.

With that said, understand that you don’t deserve to be around the people who only tolerate you. Better yet, they don’t deserve the privilege of even being in your presence.

4. if your friends accept you, they see your value and would never talk trash about you… to anyone… period! Also, they would not allow other members to talk BADLY about you.

 In contrast, tolerance is when other members of the group will voice their hatred of you anytime you aren’t around to hear it or defend yourself.

But you will hear about it later.

If they stab you in the back, it’s time to ditch them. You’d much rather be by yourself than to simp yourself out for people who do not deserve a minute of your time.

5. if they accept you, they will welcome you and make you feel comfortable and AT EASE.

On the other hand, if they only tolerate you, you will feel that sickening “elephant in the room” feeling.

Feeling awkward around people is a sure sign that it’s time to bow out gracefully. Understand that this is only your gut trying to warn you about these people. Listen to it!

Realize that there will be people who aren’t worth your time and do not deserve a seat in your life.

Never settle for fake friends who only tolerate you. It’s much better, not to mention healthier, to be by yourself until you meet people who will not only accept you but celebrate you.

This post was all about the differences between acceptance and tolerance to help you to better discern when it’s time to cut ties with people who are only harmful to you.

Related post you will enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Sings of Gaslighting: 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Neediness: 5 Reasons It’s Unhealthy and How to Overcome It