Tag: DARVO

Bullies and Victim-Mentality: 9 Behaviors of Bullies Who Play Victim

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‘Want to know about bullies and victim-mentality? Here’s everything you need to know.

bullies and victim-mentality

Bullies don’t mind dishing out the nastiness to their victims. However, when the victims start giving it back to them, they’ll play the victim role really quickly.

In fact, they’re the biggest crybabies in the world!

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can avoid being blamed for their attacks.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be able to confidently call them out when you defend yourself against your bullies, and they try to act like they’re the victims.

This post is all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can recognize the behavior and call it out. Also, you can protect yourself from getting blamed for your bullies’ ratchet behavior.

Bullies and Victim-Mentality

Bullies have a grandiose sense of entitlement. Why? Because they’re so quick to attack you without provocation. However, you finally get fed up and show your ugly side, which not only surprises them but also offends them.

Therefore, they’ll assume the victim role.

Here are 9 behaviors of bullies who play victim.

1. They Dissolve into a puddle of tears.

If a bully thinks they’re about to get into trouble over their bad behavior, they’ll quickly turn on the waterworks. They’ll cry those crocodile tears and play the victim.

Unfortunately, they’ll do it so convincingly that others will fall for their bullshit. Therefore, be prepared and don’t take the blame for their bad behavior.

Call out those fake tears. And do it loudly and with confidence. Why? Because they’re nothing but a bunch of cry-bullies.

2. They Get Outraged at you for standing up to them.

Understand that bullies feel entitled to do whatever they want to do, and you have no right to stop them. In fact, they believe you don’t have the right to even speak against it.

They think that they are beyond reproach and that you should never question their behavior.

Your bullies think they have a right to mistreat you; you’re just supposed to bow down and take their crap. You’re just supposed to let them harm you and take it with a smile.

Why? Because, in their minds, you’re inferior. So, you should just shut your mouth and take it. They may not come out and say it. However, this is how these chumps think.

3. Bullies and victim-mentality:

They’ll gripe, whine, and complain when things don’t go their way.

For instance, if you hold them accountable for anything, your bullies will bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler. If you stand up to them, they may run to a teacher or boss-man and cry like a little bitch.

They might throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Also, they may do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself. Understand that cry-bullies must always get their way. This is why they get furious with you and throw a fit.

Then, they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

4. They’ll shout you down when YOU call them out on their bad behavior.

To them, their words and opinions are golden. Therefore, if you happen to speak against them, your bullies will instantly turn into petulant children.

They’ll call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you. Moreover, they may even hit you first.

But if you hit them back, they will cry like a wimp and claim you started it.

5. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

They want everything handed to them.

Cry-bullies are entitled to have whatever they want when they want it. They don’t like to work for anything. Moreover, they don’t like to wait for it either.

These types of people are impatient. When they want something, they want it right then. And they’ll never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them.

You must understand that your bullies do this to wear you down. However, don’t give them the satisfaction. Double down and resist, no matter what! Stand firm, if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

6. They hate it when someone else has life better than they do.

When your bullies see you doing better than they are, it makes them feel indignant. In other words, they feel that life hasn’t given them a fair shake.

They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. Also, they will try to get back at you for being just a little luckier than they are.

Understand that these types of individuals see your successes as an injustice.

7. They Shift the blame to you.

This point takes me back to how the bully tries to make you look like the bully. In some cases, this person deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, they’re very successful in making others believe that garbage.

Therefore, when you think of a cry-bully, think Nellie Olson in the TV series, “Little House on the Prairie.”

Don’t pander to the crybully and don’t be too nice, and try to calm them down. If you do, they’ll only keep manipulating you.

8. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

Many Bullies Cop Out Behind Victimization.

Too many people use past trauma as justification for wrongdoing. They feel that because they suffered, life owes them somehow.

I have seen people mistreat others merely because of the bullying they suffered in the past. But why do they do this? It’s because they think that it’s the only way they can feel empowered again.

Sadly, I was guilty of the same thing in high school. It isn’t something I’m proud of today.

For example, some may choose to rob a bank or burn down a corporate building because they grew up poor. Because they didn’t get a fair shake in life, they think that it justifies their crimes.

In their minds, the world owes them. Therefore, they have a good excuse for striking back against a system they believe screwed them over.

And, when the law finally catches them and hauls them off to jail, they become even more embittered. Why? Because they believe that being held responsible for their crimes only further evidences that they aren’t getting a fair shake.

We’re all responsible for our actions regardless of what happened to us in the past. 

Evil behavior always brings consequences. You reap what you sow.

Your feelings are valid, but your actions aren’t. Past victimization does not justify wrongdoing. Ever! A reason does not equal an excuse. We’re all responsible for our lives, whether you like it or not.

I could have gone on bullying others because people had bullied me in the past. But where would it have gotten me? Nowhere! That behavior would have only brought consequences and more misery.

Wouldn’t it be better to learn from adversity and take accountability for your life? Therefore, it’s up to you to try to make your life better than it was in the past.

9. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

They live in the past.

Now, reminiscing isn’t a bad thing. To look back on yesterday, when life was much simpler, makes you feel good. Happy memories always make you feel better.

However, when you constantly ruminate on the bad stuff that happened to you, that’s when it becomes a problem.

You hold grudges. And you long to get back at the person who hurt you someday. This isn’t good for anyone. It only eats you out from the inside.

Bullies are notorious for holding grudges.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying hold on to grudges. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wishing they had knocked the hell out of the bully. They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret.

Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand. However, when this goes on for too many years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Therefore, don’t trap yourself in an endless cycle of what-ifs. Why? Because when you do, you only keep yourself stuck in a quagmire of misery.

Also, you forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from those experiences.

So, let it go. Accept what happened and learn from it. Let it make you better instead of bitter! Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

In Closing

Nothing makes you sicker than seeing some punk bully start something they can’t finish. And there’s nothing more pathetic than a bully who pushes someone too far, then cries like a schoolyard sissy when they get their ass kicked up between their shoulders.

But sadly, this is how most of them get away with bullying.

Therefore, if you’re a bully, do yourself a favor. Don’t mess with someone and expect not to get some in return. Don’t be a cry-bully.

And, if you’re a victim, stand up for yourself even if your bully tries to put on the innocent little victim act. Continue to hold your boundaries.

Don’t fall for the crocodile tears or the selective outrage. Call that shit out! And stand strong. Realize that victim-mentality is only a farce, designed to keep your bullies’ asses out of trouble.

And lastly, and most importantly, refuse to see yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target. Why? Because there’s a difference between a target of bullying and a victim of bullying.

This post is all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can recognize it when you see it and be prepared for it when you stand up to your bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

4. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters 

crybully definition

What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

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Do you want to know all about the crybully and all the signs of one? Here is the definition of it and the characteristics of this pathetic type of bully.

crybully

Crybullies are pathetic human beings. They act tough but the minute you give them a dose of their own medicine, they run crying to a teacher, supervisor, manager… anyone who will listen. Moreover, they have ways of making you look like the bad guy when, in fact, you were only defending yourself against their vitriol.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the crybully, the signs you’re dealing with one, and the tactics they use to play the victim.

Once you learn this important information, you will be able to call them what they are and nail them on their tactics. As a result, you will be a wonderful advocate not only for yourself but for anyone else these people bully.

This post is all about the crybully so that you can confidently call them out and protect yourself from blame.

A new term has emerged in the last few years to describe the pathetic type of person who doesn’t mind dishing out the crap but can’t handle it when it gets kicked back their way.  We call this person, a crybully.

So, what is a crybully?

A crybully is a bully who’s also a crybaby, who runs to authority and “cries like a little bitch” whenever their targets stand up to them.

Here’s how they operate.

These people repeatedly provoke their victims for an extended period of time. Moreover, the target first tries to ignore them to avoid conflict and keep down the drama.

However, this only serves to encourage the crybully to continue and escalate the behavior. Why? Because they come to believe that the victim is a wimp who won’t do anything about it.

Therefore, they think that they can continue to bully the target and get away with it.

But when the target finally gets fed up with their crap and responds in kind, the crybully suddenly gets their little feelings hurt and feels indignant.

So, to get back at the target for daring to stand up to them, the crybully runs to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager.

This person tattles on the victim, like the schoolyard sissy they are. They play the victim while painting the target as the bully. Therefore, bystanders and authority become outraged at the victim.

They accuse the innocent person of being the bully while giving the real bully sympathy.

How the crybully benefits from playing the victim

The instigator then basks in the attention as others give her a pat on the head and lavish her with sympathy. All the while, they also get satisfaction with the blame others place on the real victim.

This gives the crybully a huge sense of power.

Moreover, these types of bullies will also disparage their targets to peers in efforts to smear them and trash their reputation. Understand that these types of manipulators are everywhere and they’re vindictive!

However, understand that this kind of behavior only speaks volumes of these types of bullies. It says that they’re not only cowards but entitled little brats.

They think they should be allowed to treat others any way they want without repercussions. These people are the pathetic ones here.

Therefore, you should be proud of yourself and feel good in knowing that you don’t have to resort to these shenanigans. And in situations such as these, these types of bullies should be the subject of your ridicule.

Because ridicule and shame will be the only way to make these bullies leave you alone.

How do you spot these types of people?

1. Characteristics of the Crybully:

Self-entitlement

Again, this person doesn’t mind provoking you over and over, but when you finally get fed up and show your ugly side, they aren’t only surprised but offended.

Understand that these types of bullies feel entitled to do whatever they want to do and that you have no right to stop her. Moreover, they believe you don’t have a right to even say anything against it.

These types think that they are beyond reproach and that you should never question their behavior.

Understand that they feel that the world owes them and that they have the right to mistreat you. Even more astonishing is that they think that you’re just supposed to bow down to them and take the abuse.

In other words, they expect you to let them harm you, then take it with a smile and a yes sir/ma’am. Why? Because:

“I’m always right, and you’re always wrong.”

“I’m better than you.”

“You’re inferior to me, I’m superior to you, and how dare you stand up to me? You have no rights as far as I’m concerned.” 

Note the quotations above and understand that, though they may never come out and say it, this is how these chumps think.

2. A crybully will gripe, whine, and complain when something they don’t like happens.

For instance, you call the bully out on his BS. Moreover, you report or speak out about his bullying. In other words, you say or do anything to prompt authority figures to hold him accountable for his despicable behavior.

Therefore, the manipulator will then bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler if they have to face responsibility for anything. He’ll  throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

He may also do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself.

Understand that crybullies must always get their way. Also, they think they can do no wrong. Many times, they will get furious with and throw a fit with you.

If the crybully is female, she may dissolve into a puddle of tears and tell not only authority but anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

3. These manipulators will shout you down if you don’t agree with them or you call them out on their bad behavior.

They think their words, actions, and beliefs are golden. If you happen to speak against their deplorable behavior or hold a different view, crybullies will instantly turn into petulant children.

They’ll call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you. Moreover, they may even hit you first. But, if you hit them back, they will cry like a wimp and claim that you started it.

4. A crybully wants everything handed to them and doesn’t like to put in the effort to earn it.

Crybullies are entitled to have whatever they want when and how they want it. They don’t like to work for anything. Also, they don’t like to wait for it either.

In other words, these types of people are impatient. When they want something, they want it right now, not five minutes from now, not even one minute from now.

They’re like spoiled children. If they don’t get what they want, they will never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them.

You must understand that crybullies do this to wear you down. However, you must only double down and resist, no matter what. So, stand firm if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

5. Crybullies hate the thought of anyone else having a life better than they do.

When these kinds of people see someone else doing better than them at anything, it makes them feel indignant. In other words, they feel that life hasn’t given them a fair shake.

They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. Also, they will also try to get back at the person for being just a little luckier than they are.

Understand that these types of individuals see the success of anyone else other then themselves as injustice.

6. They Have a victim mentality.

This point takes me back to how the crybully tries to make the victim look like the bully. In some cases, this person deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, they’re very successful in making others believe that horse manure.

Therefore, when you think of a crybully, think Nellie Olson in the TV series, “Little House on the Prairie.”

Don’t pander to the crybully and don’t be too nice and try to calm them down. If you do, they only keep manipulating you.

There you have it, folks. If you see any of the above characteristics, you might have a crybully on your hands. The best way to battle this type of bullying is to name it and shame it. Putting a name on these things makes them so much easier to deal with and overcome.

This post is all about the crybully and their traits so that you can confidently and successfully call them out on their bullshit and protect yourself from their incessant gaslighting.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use 

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

4. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

conditioning psychology

Conditioning: 5 Signs You’re Being Conditioned

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‘Want to know the signs of conditioning so that you can protect yourself from it? These are the surefire signs to watch for.

conditioning

Photo from Canva

Bullies and abusers have ways of conditioning you without you ever being aware that they’re doing it. In most cases, you won’t notice it until it has totally changed you and ruined your life. As someone who has been there and overcome it, I’m sharing the signs you need to know to stay safe.

You are going to learn about all the early signs of conditioning so that bullies can no longer play these mind games with you.

After learning about the signs of conditioning, you will be prepared and no longer easy to manipulate.

This post is all about the signs of conditioning that every victim and target of bullying should be aware of.

conditioning

What is it? In simplest terms, conditioning happens when others brainwash you to accept something you normally wouldn’t. Therefore, unscrupulous people will psychologically condition you to believe many falsehoods and accept all kinds of abuse.

This is how people get programmed, and extreme abuses get normalized.

Therefore, when you’re a victim of bullying, bullies will condition you to roll over and take their abuse. Over time, they slowly “Pavlov” you to believe any lie they say until they convince you to turn on yourself.

Conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-bit process that can be soft and subtle.

In other words, conditioning starts out small and is barely recognizable at first.  At this stage, you must know how to recognize it.

Why? Because the longer it goes on and the more severe the abuses become, the harder it is to defend yourself against it.

One thing that will help you recognize it is that your body will feel it. And you’ll sense it in the vibes the people you’re dealing with give off.

So, how do you know your bullies are conditioning you?

Here are the signs:

Conditioning:

5 Signs You’re being Conditioned:

You’ll know by the feelings you have.

1. You begin Feeling guilty for defending yourself, speaking out about the bullying you suffer, and reporting the bullying to authority

This most commonly occurs with empaths. However, anyone can fall victim. If you aren’t careful, you will likely be used and abused like a dirty rug.

Therefore, you must put your needs first. And there will be times when you will need to stand up for yourself.

You have a right not to be abused, and you are just as good as the next person. You wouldn’t inflict pain on anyone else. And you should never allow others to inflict pain on you.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential.

Therefore, continue to stand up for yourself. Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Because if you don’t look out for yourself, no one else will either.

Remember that you aren’t responsible for their feelings. In a situation of bullying, all you have is yourself. And your greatest weapon is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

2. Another sign of conditioning is Feeling that the bullying you suffer is all your fault.

Anytime you blame yourself for the bullying you suffer, your bullies have conditioned you. Therefore, understand this right now! It’s not your fault!

You are not responsible for your bullies’ behavior. Their horrid actions reflect their choices, not yours.

Moreover, you cannot control another person’s behavior. The only person’s behavior you have control over is your own.

So, when you blame yourself for being bullied, you are taking responsibility for something you can’t control. And that’s the behavior of others.

Do not allow them to condition you to believe that things beyond your control are your fault! They aren’t.

3. You start feeling like a heel for saying no.

Saying “no” can be difficult and at times, even downright scary. If you’re a person who believes in helping your fellow man, the last thing you want is to let someone down. However, there are times when saying yes to someone else is saying no to yourself.

When you say no, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. And this goes especially when bullies are trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

It’s how you set boundaries. And setting limits is healthy.

Conditioning:

What to do if they threaten you.

But what if your bullies threaten either physical harm if you don’t comply with their wishes? Or, what if they threaten social exclusion?

Nobody wants to get hurt. The natural human response is to submit and make the pain stop. In your mind, you’re thinking, “Alright, alright! I’ll do it if you’ll go away and leave me alone!”

Therefore, you fall for the false promises that they’ll stop hurting you. BUT!

Realize that bullies and abusers never make good on those promises. The harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse.

Why? Because your bullies have benefited from forcing you to say yes. And they’ve probably been getting those benefits for a long time now.

Your bullies never stopped the harassment before. So, why would they stop now?

Saying no to a bully is never an easy option.

Bullies don’t take no for an answer, least of all from their victims! However, you must say it anyway! Why? Because it’s how you take care of yourself.

Therefore, begin saying no, and do it often. And realize that you can’t change a bully. But be forewarned.

The bullies will probably keep pushing your boundaries. They may even retaliate. And if they do, it isn’t your fault. And it’s not your responsibility.

So be ready to defend yourself if you have to. The only time you should say yes to bullies is if they pull a gun. Otherwise, stick to your answer.

Saying no is risky. It always has been. Your bullies may threaten you with the business end of their fists, and you may come out of it with a shiner and a fat lip.

However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Again, you must say no, even if it makes others angry.

4. another hallmark of conditioning is when You feel like the biggest wuss on the planet.

You know the feeling. When you know you let someone else force you to do something you didn’t want to? It left a psychological injury that took a long time to recover from.

You ended up asking yourself, “Now, why didn’t I tell those creeps to take a flying leap off the highest cliff headfirst?” That feeling of powerlessness can be worse than any physical pain you’ve ever suffered.

 And you blame yourself for not standing up to your bullies. You think that maybe you’re not strong enough. I’m not this enough, and I’m not that enough. This is another sign of conditioning.

However, you must know that your bullies act up not because you aren’t firm enough. And don’t think it was because you aren’t any good at defending yourself.

It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds. Bullies are abusers, and abusers have a talent for conditioning their victims.

Abusers expect the rest of the world to bow down and kiss their behinds. Therefore, none of that is your fault.

Understand that their behavior isn’t your guilt to carry. Begin standing up for yourself. And refuse to believe the lies your bullies try to drum into your head.

REPEAT!

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up! Stand tall! And stand firm, no matter what.

Conditioning:

5. Your body will feel those icky vibes your bullies are putting out.

You’ll sense it when something feels “off.” Moreover, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach. And sometimes, you’ll feel it before the first words are exchanged.

This is, perhaps, the most important sign of all. Why? Because, as mentioned earlier, conditioning is soft and subtle in the beginning. And you don’t even notice it.

However, here’s your first clue: Your body will tell you if you pay attention to it. Your body, particularly your gut, will pick up on it.

Many targets of bullying often mistake this feeling for “just having paranoia.” Therefore, they ignore it. But this is the last thing you should do.

Understand that God gave us all that “sixth sense.” Some people call it your “gut feeling.” Others use the term “instinct.”

Therefore, whenever you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you are not overreacting. And you are not overreacting.

What you’re doing is picking up on that person’s energy. Your inner alarm is trying to warn you and keep you safe.

You must trust your gut. Pay attention to other people’s energy. Energy doesn’t lie, and neither does your instinct!

If you ever catch bad vibes from someone, steer clear of them. Instead, get as far away from them as you can and as fast as you can! You will save yourself a lot of trouble, I promise!

This post was all about the signs of conditioning to help you to recognize these indicators early on and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to be Aware of

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Power Statements to Use

how to respond to DARVO

How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

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Would you like to know how to respond to darvo that bullies use to discredit you when you report their bullying or speak out against it? Here are the most powerful ways you must know.

how to respond to DARVO

Photo from Canva

The DARVO method that bullies use is tricky. Many victims of bullying are at a loss as to how to respond to it. As one who has had this method used on me, I am giving you the most powerful ways to respond.

You will learn about how to respond to DARVO properly and the best responses that will shut this method down for good.

After learning these points, you will be extra prepared the next time a bully uses this evil technique against you.

This post is all about how to respond to DARVO tactics that bullies use. This is important information every victim of bullying should know.

How to respond to darvo:

1. learn what darvo is and how bullies use it.

The first step in learning how to properly defend yourself against bullying tactics is to understand exactly what each tactic is.

What is DARVO?

DARVO is an acronym that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

Realize that this is a classic reaction bullies make any time the victim calls out their bad behavior.

If you are a victim of such tactics, it is imperative that you educate yourself on them.

Additionally, you need to memorize the textbook description of it. You must also know what DARVO looks like as it is happening.

For instance, a bully with narcissism may attack you, and you may call them out on their rotten behavior. The bully reacts by telling you, “It’s no big deal.” Or, he may say something to the tune of, “You’re making something out of nothing.”

Understand that these are classic DARVO comebacks. Why? Because they invalidate reality and make you out to have overreacted. Don’t fall for it. You know what they did and that it was wrong. Therefore, continue to stand strong and stick to your guns.

How to Respond to DARVO:

the bully will project.

Moreover, the bully will become extremely aggressive and attack your character and credibility. They may even attack your motives and intentions.

The bully may also break down in tears or begin yelling in anger as they attack you. Bullies are experts at turning on emotions to achieve a desired result.

And that is to make it look like you instigated their abuse. In other words, they make it look as if they were only reacting to what you did to them.

Also, the bully may use insults, threats, and gaslighting to discredit you. Moreover, they will swear up and down that they’re being unfairly accused. Or, they’ll say that you are making false accusations against them to cover your bad behavior.

Put simply, they will accuse you of doing to them the same things they’re doing to you. This is classic projection. Therefore, call it out.

As another attempt to deflect, bullies will also try to justify their evil behavior by shifting blame to you.

Understand that bullies do all this to reverse the roles. And they hope that others will see them in a more positive light.

Bullies want others to see their abuse as a reaction to something you did to them first. All the while, they continue to inflict more abuse.

How to Respond to DARVO:

2. whatever you do, stay calm.

This is an absolute must. Why? Because your bully is hoping and praying that you will lose your cool. But don’t!

Why? Because bullies will use it as confirmation that you’re cuckoo. And, believe you me, they’re masters at this!

Also, they will misconstrue your emotions (crying, etc.) as a sign of guilt. Instead, remain calm, and the bully is more likely to be the one flipping out.

I have found that remaining calm and cool drives them up the wall. Therefore, you force your bullies to expose themselves.

Remember the quote in Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.”

“Let the enemy destroy themselves.”

Again, your calm demeanor will arouse not only the bully’s anger, but also their fear. Your bully will be flabbergasted as to why you’re so calm. This will throw them off balance.

Moreover, they’ll flip out and begin yelling, shouting, and cursing. Don’t let this behavior intimidate you because this is what you want them to do to expose and embarrass themselves.

Remember that bullies have big egos and an image to protect. Also, they have an intense need for control.

And they will do everything they possibly can to preserve their egos and maintain control. They have an image to maintain.

Staying calm is difficult when bullies abuse you. But it’s most effective at riling your bullies and exposing their true colors.

The calmer you are, the more unhinged your bullies will get. Then, they’ll unwittingly expose themselves through their own behavior.

3. How to Respond to DARVO:

Call the behavior out by name.

This is why you must first know what DARVO is. You must also know the names of all the behavior that goes with it. This way, you can call it out and won’t sound like you’re rambling.

Rambling makes you sound mentally imbalanced and less believable. But naming the behavior and stating your case clearly and concisely makes you look credible.

And it makes the bully look unhinged. This is what you want.

For example, if the bully is accusing you of the very behavior they directed at you, call it by name. Projecting. And do it in front of an audience.

Tell them that they’re projecting to make themselves look like the good guy. And that you are onto them.

If they are trying to justify their behavior, again, call it out. Say to the bully, “Don’t try to justify your behavior because there is no justification for it.

Be an adult (or if it’s a child, you can say, ‘be a big girl/boy’) and take responsibility for your actions.”

4. Document, document, document!

You must document everything in detail. Keeping a bullying journal is of the utmost importance.

Keeping documentation helps you to keep a record of bullying. It also helps you present it in a clearer, more concise, and more organized manner.

Moreover, it is admissible in court. And you can also take it to tribunals, at work, or school board meetings.

When you document, always use the 5W Method. This means to write down What? Who? When? Where? and Why? And if possible, How?.

Doing it this way allows your story to make more sense. Also, it effectively identifies any perpetrators and identifies potential witnesses.

In other words, write down what happened, who was involved, and who was around to see what happened (the names of any bystanders and witnesses). Also, write down when it happened (the exact date and time).

Additionally, include where it happened (did it happen in the school locker room? The workplace parking lot?) and if you know, why it happened (was it because you reported your bullies’ abuse of you?) Be as detailed as humanly possible when you document!

How to Respond to Darvo: do your own investigation!

This is how you gather your own evidence. How to respond to DARVO doesn’t include waiting for anyone else to do anything; you can just as easily do it for yourself.

Never rely on the school or your workplace to conduct its own investigation. This is where many victims get screwed. Why?

Because when entities do their own investigations (if they do them at all) it will only be to their advantage, not yours.

The reality is that institutions usually side with bullies. Why? Because bullies are experts at covering their behinds. Moreover, they are also usually stars in the who’s who at school.

And they’re usually higher up in the workplace or organization.

Therefore, always do your own investigation. Documenting is the most effective way to gather your own evidence.

Depending on the laws in your state or jurisdiction, you can secretly record the bullying. Again, make sure the laws in your state allow recordings.

If you live in a two-party consent state, you must also have the permission of anyone you record. However, if you live in a one-party consent state, you only need your own permission. Therefore, you are FREE to record!

Again, make sure you know the laws in your state before you do this. The last thing you want is for your bullies to have grounds to sue you for invasion of privacy. And you just know they would salivate over that opportunity. So, don’t give it to them.

5. practice self-care

Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Make daily affirmations to yourself.

Make I AM statements, “I AM a good person,” “I AM not wrong for standing up for myself,” “I AM lovable,” “I AM deserving of friends, family, and people who love me,” ” I AM worthy of God’s love because He loves me anyway, regardless of what I’ve done in the past,” etc.

And when you make these affirmations, believe them with all your heart.

Practicing self-care also means spending time with the people who love you. Keep company only with those who lift you up and avoid people who bring you down. This is how you nurture your self-esteem and mental health.

Indulge in a good soak in the bathtub with bath bombs or treat yourself to a day at the spa.

Self-care is essential when dealing with this form of abuse.

this post was all about how to respond to darvo so that you can better protect yourself against this insidious form of abuse.

Related posts you will enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses