Do you want to know the best ways to stop being a people pleaser? These steps are the best time-tested ways that you must know and practice.

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Being a people pleaser can be downright overwhelming because you’re so busy trying to please others that you neglect your own needs. If you’re like I was, you’re probably wondering how to stop being a people pleaser.

You are going to learn exactly how to stop being a people pleaser by learning the actions you should take to get there.

Once you learn about all these steps, you will finally free yourself from the impulse to people-please. Also, you will be surprised at how much happier and freer you’ll be.

This post is all about how to stop being a people pleaser so you can finally take care of your own needs and live a freer, more peaceful, and more relaxing life.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Before we get into the steps, let’s refresh ourselves a little. What is a people pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone who constantly puts others’ wants and needs before their own. But why do so many feel the need to people-please?

There are many reasons. However, the most common reason for people-pleasing is to seek and win others’ approval. Other reasons include:

• To avoid conflict
• Low self-esteem
• Insecurity
• The desire to be liked and win friends
• The fear of retaliation.

For example, many targets of bullying become people-pleasers because they’ve been brainwashed. They believe that if they dare to say no, they’ll be harmed.

This is because saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they’re deathly afraid to say anything bullies don’t want to hear.

Don’t be a simp!

Realize that being a people pleaser rarely produces the desired outcome. In fact, it only produces the opposite of what you want.

Anytime you sacrifice your own needs to score approval, others lose respect for you. Understand that people know a people pleaser when they spot one.

If anything, they will only look down on you with a mixture of disgust, pity, and hilarity. And you attract users and abusers.

The term “people pleaser” is just another word for “simp.”

There is nothing more pathetic than someone who simps for approval. Conflict is a part of life, and you must gather the courage to deal with it.

Think of the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring. If you haven’t heard it, hop onto YouTube and give it a listen.

Here’s how to stop being a people pleaser:

1. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first. However, it is a must if you want to take back control of your life.

However, people pleasers have no boundaries. And others quickly take notice of that, then take advantage of you.

When you have no boundaries, others will have no respect for you.

Setting boundaries, on the other hand, shows that you have self-respect. It also shows that you’re not afraid to make your needs a priority even if it makes other people angry.

Why? Because you fully understand the reason they become angry. They’re afraid that the benefits they’ve been getting at your expense are about to stop.

Stop giving too much of yourself to people who don’t appreciate you. You only do so at your own expense.

You must realize that how you treat yourself shows in how you allow others to treat you. Therefore, know that you deserve better!

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser:

2. Another way to Stop being a people pleaser is to Stop apologizing

From the time we’re toddlers, our parents teach us to apologize when we do something wrong. Although this is a good thing, overdoing it can backfire.

Sadly, if you’re a victim of bullying, you probably apologize way too much. Why? Because others have bullied you for so long.

Consequently, it only gives others the green light to blame you for everything that goes wrong. Therefore, you must stop apologizing for things that don’t need an apology.

Realize that this overwhelming urge to apologize is only a knee-jerk reaction born of fear.

You don’t have to appease others.

Your incessant apologies are to appease others. Also, it’s a way to make them go away and leave you alone. So, you must address this fear and confront it head-on.

Understand that you don’t have to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with. There’s no need to apologize for anything that’s beyond your control.

You must realize that over-apologizing is a self-defeating habit. Moreover, regardless of what you might think, it won’t protect you from further abuse.

Even if it does save you from retaliatory abuse, it will eat away at your self-esteem. Realize that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.

When you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give bullies undeserved apologies, you take accountability for their disgusting behavior.

In the end, it only makes you a bigger target.

But when you refuse to apologize, you show greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power. Moreover, you have more dignity. Therefore, you instantly become less of a victim.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser:

3. Say no, and say it often.

The word no yields more power than any other word in the English language. On the other hand, the word yes holds none whatsoever.

Therefore, you must say no and say it often. This means finding the courage to say no to people who are used to hearing “yes”.

In other words, you must say no to people who don’t take no for an answer.

Saying no is risky, don’t get me wrong. However, saying yes to bullies won’t keep them from harming you.

It may hold them off for the time being, but it won’t keep them away forever. They always come back for more later.

Bullies always come back for more.

Realize that bullies never make good on their promises. They may promise to “leave you alone if you’ll” do xyz. But once you’ve done what they want, there’s no longer an incentive.

The harassment won’t stop. If anything, it will only get worse still!

So, say no anyway. You may indeed end up with a shiner and a fat lip. However, those wounds will heal. But the psychological injury of wishing you hadn’t let yourself down will last for years.

Realize that saying yes to some people, especially bullies, means saying no to yourself.

It’s better for others to hate you than for you to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

Remember. The goal here is to take back your personal power. And saying no is the most effective way to do it.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser:

4. Practice self-care

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential to your physical and mental well-being. Nobody else will do it for you. Therefore, it’s up to you to take care of yourself, even if others disagree.

If you don’t begin looking out for number one, you’ll only continue playing second fiddle. Or worse, you might end up coming in last!

 The only one you should come second to is God! Especially around people who don’t value you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a parent, it’s expected that you put your kids first. If you have an ailing mother who depends on you, it’s only natural to put her ahead of yourself.

We all have an obligation to our families.

And you should always put God ahead of everyone else, including yourself.

Never mind those who don’t value you.

However, when you’re around people who take you for granted, you come first. And the hell with them if they don’t like it.

Expect some people to tell you that putting yourself first is selfish. Because they will. They’ll say that taking care of yourself only means that you’re self-centered.

Bullies and abusers will tell you these lies to shame you into letting them walk all over you. But don’t fall for that crap!

Continue to take care of yourself, and the naysayers will eventually go away. They’ll find some other sucker to toy around with. That’s when you’ll know that you have taken back control of your life.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser:

5. Make your needs a priority

Your needs come first, then you can take care of others. Realize that constantly putting others’ needs first will leave you feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

How can you have time for your own interests when people are constantly bugging you for favors? When you make too much time for others, you’ll have no time left for yourself.

Your own productivity will go down when you limit your own time to other people’s priorities.

Moreover, when you’re too available for others, your relationships suffer. Why? Because people lose respect for you.

Even worse, it will slowly erode your confidence and self-esteem.

 Realize that most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for meeting your needs. No one else can do that for you.

Charity begins at home. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Practice these five steps, and you will no longer be a people pleaser. Instead, you will have control of your life and ensure your own peace of mind.

This post was all about how to stop being a people pleaser so that you can free yourself from others’ demands and take back your freedom and peace of mind.

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