Tag: self-care

self-care

how to stand up to a bully at school

How to Stand Up to a Bully: 7 Tactics of Self-Defense

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Want to know how to stand up to a bully? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you can use to protect yourself.

how to stand up to a bully

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Everyone has a right to self-preservation. And how you maintain it is by standing up for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stand up to a bully so that human predators will know to leave you alone and you can live in peace.

Once you learn all these important lessons, you will be more compelled to stick up for yourself no matter what.

This post will teach you how to stand up to a bully so that you can bully-proof yourself.

How to Stand Up To A Bully

So, how do you do this? The answer is that you have to meet them where they are.

1. Use a powerful tone of voice.

This means speaking to bullies in the only language they understand. You must speak with strength and power.

In other words, there is no being polite.

You cannot handle a bully “nicely” and expect them to go away. Why? Because they will only see that as weakness. And they’ll use it to their advantage.

Moreover, there is no being quiet about it. A bully will only take your silence as being afraid. Again, you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand.

And what they don’t understand is nice and polite.

For example, the bully is in your face, yelling and cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then you tell them firmly to get the hell out of your face.

Notice at approximately 0:15 in this clip when George McFly shakes his finger at Biff and says, “Hey, you! Get your damn hands off…”

Notice the tone of his voice and how he trails off. It sounds weak, doesn’t it?

Notice that it didn’t have any effect on Biff. At first, he only saw a weak little man trying to be a hero. Why? Because George was holding back and the bully knew it.

Therefore, if you have to raise your voice, do it! If you have to growl, do that too.

How to Stand UP to a Bully:

2. Don’t hold back.

You may have done everything to try and defuse the situation peacefully.  However, in most cases, the bully keeps coming back.

That’s when it’s time to get down and dirty. Remember that you’re in a battle. Therefore, when you’re in a battle, there’s no time to hold back and try to be the bigger person.

Why? Because when it reaches this level, that’s when things can get dangerous fast.

You must be willing to go off on the bully and think nothing of it. In other words, you have to call them out with strength. That means getting nasty.

There are times you must get just as dirty as they do. And to hell with what anyone else thinks! Why? Because the only rights you have are those you fight for.

3. Screw what anyone else thinks.

Not caring what anyone else thinks is the foundation for self-defense. When you have to stand up to a bully, it doesn’t matter what others think. They’re not walking in your shoes.

For example, you’re a victim of school bullying. And you finally get fed up and begin fighting back.

You may have classmates tell you, “Ya know? You shouldn’t have cursed so-and-so out because you only stoop to their level.”

Really? It’s funny how they never said a word to the bullies while they were unloading on you. Now, all of a sudden, you’re the bad guy for defending yourself?

It’s easy for bystanders to sit back and judge you when they aren’t the ones being bullied. You don’t need any advice from anyone sitting safely in the cheap seats.

If they have no skin in the game, that’s when you tell them to keep their lousy two cents to themselves.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

4. speak in the only language bullies understand.

Bullies (and anyone who is even remotely impressed by them) are a dime a dozen. They really are. Therefore, there are times when you must speak in the only language they understand. Then they might get the message and back the hell off!

Bullies are loud and brutal. And the language they understand is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

If this makes you uncomfortable, I understand. It sucks when you must get down and wallow in their foulness and filth with them. But sometimes you’ve no choice but to lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud. You can reserve the nastiness for emergencies, like bullying.

 How to Stand Up to a Bully:

5. Don’t be afraid of conflict.

Conflict is a part of life. It’s something we all encounter. However, many are deathly afraid of it.

Most victims of bullying are especially scared of it. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them. And they haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have.

Many survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Therefore, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, they’ll cave in. They give in to bullies to appease them. And why not? If it’ll make them shut up and go away, then a few minutes of self-sacrifice is worth it.

Moreover, people get tired of hearing self-entitled bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.

So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!” You get exhausted when you constantly have to battle some creep who won’t leave you alone. And all you want is a little bit of peace.

But giving in won’t work. Because they always come back with something else later. The only way you’ll ever live in peace is to face conflict head-on. Don’t be afraid to tell them to get bent!

And if you have to show your ugly side, so be it! Understand that if you run from conflict, you’ll be running from it for the rest of your life.

6. Know you have a right to defend yourself. 

As mentioned earlier, some people don’t know how to keep their opinions to themselves. They will criticize you when you stand up to bullies. But what would they have done better if they were in your shoes?

This is the question you need to ask them. And know that you have every right to defend yourself when some creep steps on your toes.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

7. Don’t be afraid to put up your dukes.

Many times throughout your life, you will hear self-righteous people preach against fighting. And they will be against it even if it is in self-defense.

For instance, you defend yourself against physical bullies. Later, those in power may tell you, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”

Or, let’s say that you’re a female who had to defend herself from a physical attacker. Some moron may tell you, “Fighting isn’t ladylike.”

Well, neither is getting your face beat in.

Trust me. You’d much rather fight back than stand there and take an ass-beating. Therefore, expect people to judge you for it. Those who know the least usually have the most to say.

They’re always quick to climb on their soapbox and wag a finger at you. They’ll fire off overused platitudes, such as, “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

It makes me think of the old ’90’s urban slang, “All up in the Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” And when you’re getting your brains beat in every other day, you have no choice but to bite back.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

In Conclusion

Standing up to bullies is a part of self-care. Indeed, fighting isn’t always the answer. However, sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

Sometimes you have to put your bitch face on and get ugly. And if you’re the type of person who doesn’t like to be that way, you won’t like it. But sometimes, getting mean and nasty is necessary.

Why? Because you have to take care of yourself, or no one else will.

Therefore, if anyone else sticks their nose into your business, tell them what you think. Why? Because you can’t be nice when you’re dealing with people who wish to harm you.

Realize that there are times when you have to get funky with it! You must get out of character when things get hot. When some schmuck is in your face, nice and polite goes out the window.

And once they find out that you aren’t as weak as they thought, they might back off. And they’ll think twice before confronting you again.

Therefore, meet the bullies where they are. Respond in kind to bad treatment. And assert your right not to put up with bullying and abuse.

This post was all about how to stand up to a bully so that you’ll be encouraged to defend yourself when someone crosses your boundaries.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Self-Preservation: Why You Must Get Just as Ugly as Your Bullies

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. Standing Against Bullying: 3 Reasons It’s Worth the Risk

how to avoid toxic people in life

How to Avoid Toxic People: 3 Ways to Blow Off Bullies

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Want to know how to avoid toxic people so that you can avoid bullying and ensure your personal safety? Here are all the ways you can blow them off without looking like a heel.

how to avoid toxic people

Photos from Canva

Avoiding toxic people can be the difference between suffering bullying and protecting yourself from it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to avoid toxic people so that you can protect yourself from bullies and abusers.

Once you learn all these important tips, you will be better able to avoid nefarious people whose sole missions are to victimize others.

This post is all about how to avoid toxic people so that you can keep yourself safe from them.

How to Avoid Toxic People

Sometimes Distance Can Be a Good Thing

Before we go any further, let’s talk about distance and why it can be the best thing for you.

Dealing with people who criticize you daily can quickly wear you down. And it can break your spirit. Sadly, many people disrespect the same victim repetitively over several years.

If you are that victim, they’ll eventually train you to tolerate it if you aren’t careful. This is why you should safeguard your mind by doing things to maintain a strong sense of self.

If you’re a target and you stay silent, you will continue to put up with it. Therefore, you, in a sense, permit your bullies to keep abusing you.

‘You see? Here’s how abusers and most bystanders see it. What I’m about to tell you comes from personal experience. I’ve heard many perpetrators and witnesses say it out of their own mouths.

“If he puts up with it, then he deserves it!”

No! You don’t deserve it. Ever! You have every right to stand up to abuse because it’s a form of violence. Someone is violating your boundaries, and it’s up to you to protect those boundaries.

This is your life, and no law says you have to take crap from anyone.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

My Grandmother Tolerated a lot of Crap… Until She Had Enough!

My grandmother, God rest her soul, tolerated a truckload of abuse as a young woman in her twenties and thirties. The time she was living in was the fifties and sixties.

During that era, society expected women to stay silent and submit to abuse.

She had a husband with narcissism who violated her boundaries at every turn. He even lorded over the children too.

This beautiful woman dealt with mistreatment from others too. My grandmother was the very definition of class and grace.

She was tall, thin, and gorgeous- the poster lady of feminine beauty, especially during that era. More importantly, she was kind, humble, generous, and smart! Nothing got past my grandmother!

However, people were highly jealous of her, including my grandfather.

It took my grandmother a long time to realize that nothing would change unless she put distance between herself and the toxic people who were trying to break her.

Granddaddy never acknowledged Uma’s virtues and good qualities. Instead, he devalued her. He was jealous of her beauty and her smarts.

She used her intelligence to battle the abuse. As a result, it would enrage him every time she’d trick him. But eventually, she got tired and fed up.

Uma finally got angry with herself for putting up with so much abuse all those years. That’s when she waited until he went to work, then drove into town and filed for a legal separation.

Next, she had all the locks changed. When Granddaddy got home, she handed him the papers. Moreover, she had his bags packed and ready for him, and told him to get out.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

I wish I could’ve seen the look on his face.

My grandfather was stunned. He never expected her to kick him out. For a long time, she hadn’t. Her love for him was that strong.

However, in the end, she had to love herself enough to walk away from the marriage. And she needed to love herself more than she did him.

This took a lot of strength and courage. She was surprised at how much better her life got once she got over the grief from the divorce.

Granddaddy stalked her for a while. Therefore, he would drive by the house and try to keep tabs on her. But she continued to hold firm, and she never took him back.

But that was my grandmother. She was a rock, and it’s how I remember her.

Distance from toxic people is the best thing you can keep.

The point of my story is that, to take your life back, you must put distance between yourself and toxic people. It doesn’t matter if they’re an abusive partner, an authoritarian boss, or abusers at work or school.

Getting rid of them is essential to finding peace of mind. All of the above are bullies and don’t deserve a seat at your table.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

it’s why i don’t go to high school reunions.

It’s why I left Oakley High School. Also, it’s the reason I choose not to go to any future class reunions.

Moreover, I always kept my telephone number unlisted when I lived in Oakley for a little while. As an adult during the late ’90s and early 2000s, I prioritized mine and my children’s safety.

I didn’t want to risk any former bullies looking me up in the directory. Why? Because they would have found not only my number but my street address.

And even today, none of them know where I am. All those people know is that I no longer live in Oakley, and I intend to keep it that way.

Distance is a blessing, and it’s the best weapon against bullies. Moreover, it pays to stay away and ensure they also keep away.

If possible, you should put as much distance between yourself and your bullies as you can. As long as you’re out of their reach and they stay away from you, they can’t bother you.

So, How do you avoid those who wish to harm you?

There are several ways you can avoid running into the wrong people.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

1. Be choosy who you give your phone number to.

Back when I lived in Oakley with my kids, cellphones weren’t as popular. And the internet had more privacy. So, I kept my name out of the directory.

However, today, there are many ways to find someone’s cellphone number, I hate to say. You can keep your number secret by being selective of who you give it to. But let me warn you!

If someone wants your number badly enough, they can search the internet. Sites like whitepages.com and Been Verified have that information on you.

Now, Been Verified is a good site. It helps people find out whether their dates are criminals or their housekeeper is a thief. Therefore, there are good reasons these sites exist.

However, bullies, abusers, and stalkers can use them to find out how to contact you. So, be aware.

2. Delete and block toxic people on social media.

The delete and block buttons are there for a reason. Use them!

If you have a troll who harasses you on social media, you have every right to delete and block them. However, too many people think that they have to have the last word.

Therefore, they’ll sit and argue with a cyberbully to feel like they’re getting their say. This isn’t smart. Why? Because that’s exactly what cyberbullies want.

They want a reaction from you. So, don’t give it to them. I can’t stress this enough. Don’t engage! Starve that troll by hitting that block button!

Just make sure you take screenshots first. You want to have evidence just in case they show up at your door.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

3. Cut Ties with them.

If someone takes the joy out of your life, you don’t have to keep talking to them. People preach inclusivity these days. And it sounds like the noble thing to do.

However, what the inclusivity preachers fail to consider is that some people are harmful. When you refuse to talk to someone because they’re toxic, inclusion doesn’t qualify.

There’s a difference between exclusion and protecting yourself and your loved ones against hurtful people. And I’ll be glad when we start addressing this.

I’ve had others accuse me of excluding someone when I was avoiding them to protect myself. And I didn’t fall for that garbage.

You may cut ties with someone who has repeatedly hurt you. And you should, for your own safety and peace of mind.

However, there will be a few dunces who accuse you of “excluding” them. They will call you a bully because you want nothing to do with the person. Or, because you refuse to chase after them.

And they will deliberately try to blur the lines between inclusivity and self-protection. Don’t let them do that. You have every right to be safe. And if that means disassociating yourself with a few butt-heads, so be it.

How to Avoid Toxic People:

In Conclusion

If you don’t want anyone to harm you and disrupt your peace, avoiding toxic people is crucial. You don’t have to hang with those who don’t see your value.

It’s okay to exclude from your life those who want to harm you. And you have a right to protect yourself from bullies, abusers, and criminals. This is part of having self-respect.

Moreover, you have the right to choose friends who love you and will be there for you. When you know your worth, you’ll do whatever is best for you.

It’s okay to avoid toxic people!

This post is all about how to avoid toxic people so that you can ensure your safety and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

2. How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

3. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

4. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

5. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

6. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

how to respect yourself as a woman in a relationship

How to Respect Yourself as a Woman

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‘Want to know how to respect yourself as a woman? Here are all the things you can do to give yourself the respect you deserve.

how to respect yourself as a woman

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When you respect yourself as a woman, you’re more likely to get respect from others. Moreover, you’ll get more of the things you want because you won’t settle for crap you don’t want. In short, life itself is much better for you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to respect yourself as a woman so that you’ll ward off bullies and others who may treat you less than the way you deserve.

Once you learn all about these life-changing tips, you will be compelled to practice them so that you can begin giving yourself the respect you deserve.

This post is all about how to respect yourself as a woman so that you treat yourself well and refuse to settle for bullying, abuse, and other crap life hands you at times.

How to Respect Yourself as a Woman

When you are bullied, you will be tempted to let yourself down just to make the bullying stop. You’ll want to try different personalities to see which one gets you accepted.

And you’ll try to become someone else so that your crush will notice you.

However, this isn’t the way. It’s better to be yourself no matter what. It’s how you keep your self-respect. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way.

You won’t wish you’d been more popular, you’ll wish you’d loved and respected yourself more.

There were times I didn’t respect myself as I should have.

  • I wish I had put myself first.
  • I wish I’d said “NO” a lot more than I did.
  • Also, I wish I had been true to my own heart.
  • And I wish I had known my worth and realized my full potential.

I wish I’d been better at being myself. But we all wish we’d done these things when we get older, don’t we? That we’d done something a little different- a bit better?

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to love myself and grown a thick skin. Also, I’ve learned to handle confrontation with composure.

As we get older, we shed that shell we curled up and hid in when we were younger. We grow to accept ourselves as we are. Moreover, we become comfortable in our own skin.

And let me tell you! It’s immense freedom that you can’t describe!

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

1. Never change yourself to avoid being bullied.

I’ve learned that people bully you not because there’s something you need to change. Bullies bully because they have issues.

It could be because they have a bad case of narcissism. Maybe they have low self-esteem. Some people bully others because they have problems at home.

Maybe your bullies are jealous of something you have that they don’t. Or maybe they have something to prove.

Bullies, at their core, are cowards and attention-seekers. That knowledge alone is freeing! Just knowing why unsavory people do harm only serves as a huge buffer to your self-esteem.

2. Practice Self-Acceptance.

When you find self-acceptance, bullies will disappear from your life. Today, I no longer get bullied.  However, if anyone tries, I swiftly put the person in their place. Or laugh and blow the idiot off.

Instead of getting hurt or angry, I get amused. Then, I have fun with them.

Unfortunately, that takes time, learning, and most of all experience. I feel regret when I think of all the years I spent feeling insecure and sorry for myself.

What a total waste of time and energy!

You mustn’t take anything your bullies say as the truth. Realize that their actions or words have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them! Hey! I know it hurts.

I know it’s hard not to blame yourself when everyone is bombarding you with negativity. It’s easy to think that something’s wrong with you when you catch hell from every direction.

However, I want you to love yourself and see the bullies for who they truly are. They’re pathetic souls who are desperately trying to look cool.

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

3. Know your value, and the right people will find you.

You must value yourself no matter how others treat you. Rest assured that you will eventually find people who are right for you. And when you do, they will love you for being your awesome self!

Believe it! There will come a day when you will be appreciated for all that you are!

It happened to me.  And if you don’t give up, it will happen to you too! You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

4. Be Willing to Walk Away FROM TOXIC PEOPLE, no matter how much you love them.

 You must love yourself, even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

  • “I AM a good person.”
  • “I AM worthy of being loved.”

Maintain your self-esteem. And never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can. Take care of yourself. Command the love and respect you deserve.   And be willing to make some very difficult decisions to earn it.

Sometimes, you have to walk away from toxic family members, knowing they may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you don’t care, not even the slightest, about the outcome.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes. They may eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take several years. But it can happen.

If, by chance, it does not happen, realize that you didn’t turn your back because you didn’t love them. You did so because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

5. Let love come from within.

You must love yourself, or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation.

Never depend on others for love. Especially a partner. Instead, let love come from within your heart! Be choosy about the guys you date. Don’t date just anyone. And, for Pete’s sake, don’t hook up!

Dating and Romance

When a girl is bullied, she may turn to romantic relationships to compensate for the lack of friendship she’s experiencing.  And it’s because she only wants to feel wanted.

Bullying diminishes dating opportunities. When bullies destroy your reputation through malicious gossip, potential partners may pass you over.

Therefore, you will likely miss out on dating and romance. Or you might meet and date partners outside of the bullying environment. This is okay.

 But when you see having a romantic relationship as a band-aid to feelings of loneliness, it’s not healthy. Also, you don’t want to date just to compensate for not having any friends.

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

6. Be selective of your dating partners.

Because bullies have convinced them that they have no options, a bullied woman will often drop her standards. She’ll date anyone who shows their teeth without first observing their behavior.

Therefore, you must watch the way potential suitors carry themselves. Why? Because when all you’re looking for is a warm body to validate you, you ignore any red flags.

This is how many women end up in toxic relationships. It’s also the reason they rush into having sex and end up getting taken advantage of.

7. Make your partner wait a while before sex.

Understand that there are good reasons to make your partner wait before having sex.

When you do, you show that you have respect for yourself and your body. Moreover, you weed out the creeps who are only looking for one thing.

If a guy is only interested in sex, he will not want to wait for it. When you make him wait, he’ll only break it off and move on to an easier girl.

Trust me, this is what you should want. Why? Because if he only wants your body, he isn’t interested in a long-term relationship.

And he doesn’t value you like you deserve to be valued. Therefore, he doesn’t deserve to be with you in the first place.

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

Signs Your Date Only Wants One Thing

So, how do you know if he wants a relationship or if he’s only out to get in your pants? Here are the signs:

He always hounds you for sex.

If your date starts harping on you to give him sex, you might want to reconsider going out with him again. A partner who doesn’t admire you for not being so dang easy isn’t the person you should be with.

Everything he talks about pertains to sex.

This is a huge giveaway. If all your date can talk about is sex, either show him the door or head for it. Whatever you do, get rid of this creep because it’s a sign that it’s all he’s after.

He brags or hints about having sex with X number of girls before you.

Yuck! Who wants to hear that? He’s only telling you up front that he’s a player looking to score.

Do you really want to be the next notch on his bedpost? No way! Give yourself the respect you deserve. Get away from this dude…fast!

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

He puts down His Ex.

This idiot will make statements such as, “She was a lousy lay,” or other remarks that put her down. Ewww! For your own sake, drop this loser.

If he’ll degrade the last woman, he’ll do the same to you. Also, he can’t have much respect for you if he makes such statements around you.

Women who respect themselves do not want to hear such rubbish!

He undresses you with his eyes.

You know that look. You’re both talking and having fun, and his eyes drop from your eyes to your breasts and seem to settle there.

Again, that’s your cue to make a quick exit!

You find out he’s addicted to porn.

The last thing you need is to date someone with a sex addiction. It’s time to head for Splitsville!

8. Don’t put up with fake friends.

If you have girlfriends who treat you like garbage, now’s the time to get rid of them. You’d rather be friendless than tolerate jealous bitches who talk behind your back and bring you down.

When you respect yourself, you expect your friends to respect you too.

How to Respect Yourself As A Woman:

In Conclusion

You don’t have to tolerate fake girlfriends who don’t treat you like you deserve to be treated. You also deserve a partner who respects you.

Know that you are so much more than just your body. You deserve a partner who cherishes you for more than that. Because you have so much more to offer.

Real men don’t want a woman who is easy. They want a high-value woman- a woman who has morals and respects herself.

They want a woman who is true to herself and who has standards. Most importantly, they want a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and what she’s worth.

And the best part is, you won’t attract as many bullies once you start showing self-respect. Therefore, always respect yourself as a woman.

This post is about how to respect yourself as a woman so that you can stop attracting those who are toxic and draw higher quality people into your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

2. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

3. How to Deal with a Bullying Partner‘

4. Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying

5. Woman Card: A Survival Tool for Female Victims of Bullying

self-preservation meaning

Self-Preservation: Why You Must Get Just as Ugly as Your Bullies

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‘Want to know about self-preservation and why you must get just as nasty as your bullies sometimes? Here are all the details you need to know.

self-preservation

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Over the past several decades, we have been conditioned to ignore our self-preservation instinct. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the importance of this innate instinct and why you should sometimes get just as ugly as your bullies.

Once you learn this crucial information, you will no longer feel guilty when you have to show your not-so-polite side to human predators.

This post is all about the self-preservation instinct and why there are times you should use it so that you can be less of a target to bullies.

Self-Preservation

Here’s a story from my own experience.

“I could never be that desperate, and you could never be that lucky.”

That was my comeback to a group of male bullies after one called out to me as I walked past them, “Hey! My buddy says he’s madly in love with you!”

Being the smart-ass that I was, I made sure not to miss this chance. So, I delivered a snappy and scathing one-liner to someone acting like a total jerk. Why?

Bullies are cowards.

Some bullies won’t provoke you directly because they’re too chicken. So, they’ll slyly instigate someone else to insult you for them.

I knew that this was his cowardly way of instigating a conflict between his buddy and me. This wasn’t the first time he did that. Therefore, I was ready.

He would make these statements, then stand back at a safe distance and watch. It was also his way of baiting his buddy into insulting me in front of everyone. This is how he got his kicks.

However, this time it backfired on him.

Those who overheard it either shouted, “BURN!” and laughed at the boys. But some scowled at me and reminded me of how I’d “stooped just as low as them.”

I didn’t care. I just felt better after countering with such scathing return fire.

Self-Preservation:

Why am I telling you this story? 

Simple, to make a point. And my point is that sometimes, you have to go just as low as the bullies. You must not be afraid to get down and dirty when the need arises.

Most importantly, you mustn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

Understand that with bullies, sometimes there’s no being polite. There’s no such thing as being the bigger person. And there’s no such thing as “playing fair.”

When someone is provoking you, you can’t be nice about it.

There are some things bullies don’t understand.

Bullies don’t comprehend the meaning of class. Couth is foreign to them. They don’t understand morals and scruples. Therefore, they have no concept of decency and respectability.

The only language bullies understand is a language that is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

People who are even remotely impressed by bullies are a dime a dozen. In other words, when they insult you in public, those witnessing it will just laugh at you.

Therefore, you must speak in the only language bullies understand. It’s the only way they’ll get the message and back the hell off!

Self-Preservation:

It doesn’t feel good when you must go low.

I understand your discomfort with this. It sucks when you have to get down and wallow in their foulness and filth. But for purposes of self-preservation, sometimes there’s no other choice.

Sometimes, you must lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud. Only reserve the nastiness for emergencies like the one in the above story.

Here are the reasons why it sometimes pays to go low.

1. You can never appease a bully.

Never! No matter what you do. You may submit to them, and yes, they may go away and leave you alone for the time being. However, the small reprieve you get won’t last.

You see? When you submitted to them in the past, it always worked. You gave your bullies what they wanted from you.

Therefore, you were rewarding their behavior.

Anytime bullies receive gratification from bullying you, they will always come back for more.

They get instant psychological rewards just from your having to tiptoe around them. Why? Because it gives them a sense of power.

Realize that bullies are all about power! And they will never give that up. Not without a fight!

Self-Preservation:

2. You can never submit your way out of being abused.

You can never comply enough. Why? Bullies are never satisfied. And it only produces the opposite results.

Trying to appease a bully only makes you appear weak. It then emboldens them to come back for more later. Why? Because it’s what gives them results.

Consequently, you will spend years jumping through hoops and wondering when your bullies will be back in your face again. This is no way to live.

Life’s too short to waste one second being an emotional slave to someone else.

Eventually, you will need to take a hard stand. It’s the only way they’ll leave you alone. Bullies don’t respond to politeness.

3. Bullies only respond to strength.

Bullies do not understand reason. They don’t respond to diplomacy. Therefore, you cannot handle them with kid gloves.

There are no nice ways to handle them. And you cannot be afraid to set boundaries. Bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate.

Instead, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are.

And when you set boundaries, you must mean it.  You’ve got to do it firmly and bluntly.

Self-Preservation:

Don’t only set boundaries, enforce them.

You cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences if they cross the line.

Why? Because bullies see boundaries as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.

They will violate your newly established boundaries. And they’ll do it to dare you and prove to you that they can.

When you enforce your boundaries, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop! They must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again.

This is how you earn respect!

You must quickly speak from a position of strength.

I can’t stress this enough. Niceness doesn’t work with bullies.

So, unleash hellfire! Put the fear of God in them! Think Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the Pearl Harbor attack. Japan never attacked us again afterward.

As a result, we eventually won their respect, and they became one of our closest friends. And we continue to be friends with Japan today.

Here it is, in a nutshell. When you’re dealing with bullies, it’s either put up or shut up.

Also, prepare for the bullying to get worse before it gets better. Why? Because bullies always fight the hardest when they know they’re losing control.

Therefore, don’t give up. Stick to your guns. And know that after you severely beat and humiliate your bullies enough times, they’ll get the message.

Then, they’ll give up and find another chump to jerk around.

Self-Preservation:

You must Meet your bullies where they are.

“What does this mean?” You may ask. It means that, if they’re dogging you out, return the behavior.

Put simply, when a bully is in your face, they will go no-holds-barred. Therefore, you can’t afford to be nice about it. There is no being polite.

Also, there is no such thing as being quiet, because a bully will take your silence as fear.

Again, never try to handle a bully politely. You must speak to the bully the way they speak to you. Be rude, but don’t yell, even if they’re screaming at you.

You can raise your voice. But there’s a difference between raising your voice and yelling. The former means speaking in a tone of power. The latter, on the other hand, means you’re losing control.

For example, the bully is in your personal space, and they’re cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then, you tell them in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of your face.

In Conclusion

Self-preservation isn’t only necessary, it’s a right!

Targets of school bullying get suspended or expelled when they defend themselves. It happens all the time. After months or years of being mercilessly bullied, you grow tired of all the BS.

You’ve tried handling it diplomatically. However, bullies only took you for being a wuss and increased the attacks.

But when you speak from a place of strength, they’ll eventually get the memo. It may take a while, but they will. I’ve seen it happen.

Realize that you have the same rights as anyone else. And you have the right to self-preservation, even if you have to get just as ugly as your bullies.

So, don’t be afraid to put your bitch-face on when the situation calls for it. Sometimes, you have to kick a little. No apologies and no explanations.

This post was all about self-preservation to let you know that it’s only to get tough when bullies kept testing you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What Doesn’t Work with Bullies: 10 Reactions to Stop Right Now

2.  How to Stop Over-Explaining: 9 Powerful Mind-Hacks You Can Use

3. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

4. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

5. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

how to know your worth in a relationship

How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

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Do you know what it means to learn how to know your worth? Here are some tips to help you wake up to your value.

how to know your worth

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When you know your worth, you’re less likely to settle for anything less than what you want and what you know you deserve.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to know your worth. Moreover, you’ll learn to stand up for your beliefs and convictions to increase your value and live the life you deserve.

Once you know this life-changing information, you will successfully increase your value. Moreover, you’ll be more capable of creating the good life you deserve because you won’t settle for crap.

This post will teach you how to know your worth so you can live up to your true value.

How to Know Your Worth

Knowing your worth is the most important thing you can ever do. Why? Because when you do, you won’t tolerate abuse. And you will go after the life you know you deserve. So, how do you discover your value as a person? Here are all the tips.

1. be yourself.

No one wants a cheap copy; they want an original.

You might get a lot of pushback at first. Many people become threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life. Moreover, they may give you tons of grief for it.

However, they only do it because they were benefiting from the old you. Some advantages came with the you who sought approval. And they don’t want to lose those benefits.

We live in a world full of copies. In other words, most people only conform and seek others’ approval. So, it’s only natural that they lash out at you.

Therefore, embrace the push-back. Keep doing what’s right for you and to hell with what others think! Only you know what’s right for you. No one else does! So, stop seeking validation. Let go of the need for approval.

I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!

How to Know Your Worth:

2. Don’t Seek approval.

You don’t need the approval of anyone unworthy of your consideration. So, stop busting your butt to gain it. Some people’s opinions need not apply.

If anyone ever tries to impose their so-called rules on you, you have the right to tell that person to go to hell. In other words, if the person isn’t a parent, well-meaning teacher, or supervisor, tell them to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wiggled their way from beneath.

You have an obligation to yourself not to give them your power. And that’s exactly what you’re giving them when you seek approval from them. You give them control over your life! That’s something they have no right to. Your power is yours and yours alone.

But once you take back your power by refusing to care what they think, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.

Life begins when you stop caring what people think and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!

Don’t you know you deserve to be happy?

3. Never give anyone value they haven’t earned.

Never chase those who don’t give a damn about you. Nothing is more pathetic than when you crawl up behind people who use and abuse you. If they don’t want to be friends with you, then screw ’em.

If you have to beg someone for their friendship, then they’re not the ones you need to associate with. Remember that you have options.

Therefore, never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you. Because when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.

If, at any time, you must suppress parts of yourself, you shortchange yourself. Realize that a bully will never add value to your life.

When you follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards. Know that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s standards but yours.

How to Know Your Worth:

4. Stop caring what Others think.

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself. Practice self-love, and stop worrying about others’ opinions of you.

I know it’s scary; I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up. And they will get bored and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared.  That’s why they keep doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is what your bullies use to control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to have power over your very existence?

Consistently seeking approval is exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time.

Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only those who love you and who deserve you.

Your family and closest friends are the only ones whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle shouldn’t be an issue.

How to Know Your Worth:

5. value only the opinions of people who matter.

The value you place on an opinion depends on your relationship with the person who holds it.

“To insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try, though!”
~ T-Ronn Hicks ~

It’s a shame that most don’t realize this. But it’s true! When you value someone’s opinion of you, you’re naturally going to feel insulted if those opinions aren’t favorable.

Therefore, value the opinions of those most important in your life. These are the ones who love you and help to grow and shape you into a better person. They lift you and help you feel better about yourself.

Moreover, they encourage you to reach for your goals.  They’re most likely to be your family, friends, and your favorite mentors.

They are those whose opinions you should value.

On the other hand, if you don’t consider certain people important, you won’t value their opinions. Some do not deserve your respect for their opinions. And they are those who hurt or abuse you. Your bullies fall into this category.

Bullies and abusers don’t qualify.

I can’t stress this enough! If someone seeks to harm you in any way, their opinions have no value. Therefore, you should consider them null and void!

They’re of no importance to you whatsoever! Why? Because they can bring absolutely no good to your life! Those who continually tear you down, wreck your self-esteem, and belittle you should have zero significance to you.

It doesn’t matter if they are in a high position. And it doesn’t matter if they’re popular or have the most money. If they consistently tear you down, they’re no good to you.

Therefore, you should just blow them off and keep going.

Again, only value the opinions of those who love and care about you.  They are the ones who are down for your good and your advancement!

How to Know Your Worth:

Defending yourself and valuing the wrong people’s opinions isn’t the same.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assert yourself if someone violates your boundaries. Because you should! However, don’t let it cause you to love yourself any less.

Blow off the petty put-downs of bullies. Why? Because the insults they spew have no merit. They never did.

I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been there. It took me too many years to realize this important rule of life. But I’m glad I finally did. Better late than never.

Know that you can do it. Avoid toxic people as much as possible. Only keep company with those who have your best interests at heart.

You will know who they are. Your gut will tell you. Moreover, their behavior will tell you. So, listen to that gut instinct and pay attention to the vibes others around you put out!

You’ll thank yourself later!

6. Don’t rush to defend yourself

There will be times in life when people accuse you of things that don’t apply to you. Let them misjudge you. Let them spread lies and rumors. And let those who want to believe it do so.

Never rush to defend yourself. Watch to see who believes it so that you’ll know who to cut ties with.

How to Know Your Worth:

7. Be picky who you associate with.

Selectiveness is important. Media, politicians, and other talking heads may trumpet “inclusivity.” However, there’s nothing wrong with excluding those who seek to harm you.

Being selective is not being exclusive. When you’re selective with your friends, it means you choose people of integrity. Therefore, you keep out the snakes to protect your peace.

Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means those who want to see you do good for yourself.

Keep the people who point you in the right direction, and those who remain loyal even when the chips are down.

Associate only with the people who love, encourage, and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.

They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. Why? Because they will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let into your life.

8. Work toward your goals.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

How to Know Your Worth:

9. Remember that opinions aren’t facts.

Although they can affect your life to a degree, opinions are the cheapest resources in the world.  Though what your bullies think shouldn’t concern you, it doesn’t mean they can’t affect you, or even hinder you.

The reality is that what they think of you can have a massive impact on your life. Moreover, you may not want to admit it. And, no, it isn’t fair.

However, the reality is that the personal opinions of other people are often the deciding factor on whether you’re well-liked or hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise wouldn’t have issues with you at all. Additionally, those attitudes can spread far and wide.

They make bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never mistreat another human being. It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

However, don’t let that discourage you. Know that opinions aren’t facts and refuse to care what they think.

Why? Because nine times out of ten, if you don’t give a rat’s ass about others’ opinions, they won’t affect you. Moreover, others will notice that you don’t care.

Then, they’ll leave you alone and go find someone else to bully. Your worth isn’t contingent on others’ thoughts of you.

The Benefits of Knowing Your Worth

How to Know Your Worth:

1. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of those who couldn’t give a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what others think, you take your power back. Why? Because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them. You know that we’re all human and that everyone has them.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

Knowing your worth means that you start doing the things you enjoy. Moreover, you also start avoiding those who make you feel bad about yourself.

And believe it or not, they will notice the difference in you and disappear.

2. You don’t have to work as hard.

When you know your worth, you won’t shape-shift and bend yourself into a pretzel to make others like you. Instead, you’ll be yourself and look down on anyone who tries to change you.

Understand that anyone you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Therefore, show this person the door. Fast! You can’t get rid of them fast enough.

How to Know Your Worth:

3. You discover the freedom you’ve never known.

When you discover your worth, you free yourself from their grip. And take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek validation from someone, you lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that they will discard you once you’ve served your purpose.

This is why people-pleasing and approval-seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of others.

You make yourself too available to those you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value on someone who’s always readily available.

However, when you do your own thing, you become rare, scarce, mysterious, and elusive. Therefore, you become the person who’s sought after. And what’s most important is that you experience freedom!

BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what others think and watch things quickly change for the better!

How to know Your Worth:

What happens if you don’t know your worth?

Bad things can happen if you don’t know your value.

1. You’ll care too much ABOUT what others think.

“If you care too much about what others think, you care less about yourself.” This is what a fellow blogger wrote several years back. And, she was right!

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave to them. In other words, these morons own you.

Any time you care too much about the opinions of others, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really want to.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do. Also, you’ll agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for those who don’t deserve it.

2. You’ll lose respect for yourself, and others will too.

You’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them just to avoid conflict. As a result, they’ll see you as a pushover.

In other words, you’ll be a doormat and lose respect for yourself. And you’ll look pathetic! To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

Even worse, your submissiveness will become expected over time. And once you do finally get tired of being walked on and grow a spine, others won’t respect you for it. They’ll be offended by it.

‘You see, here’s the thing. If you truly know your value, you don’t have to prove it because you know it’s there. Even better, others see it too.

Why? Because they not only sense that others’ opinions don’t faze you, but they can see it in your demeanor. So, stop caring what bullies and abusers think of you. They shouldn’t even matter.

How to Know Your Worth:

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you have a choice of knowing your worth. You can also choose to keep some people in your life or kick them out.

Remember that your thoughts are free. You choose the way you think of yourself, and you control how you see yourself.

Therefore, know your worth! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages! Always remember that no one can determine your value but you.

This post was all about how to know your worth so that you can start treating yourself better and going after what you know you deserve.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

2. Know Your Worth: 4 Reasons It’s Important

3. A Woman Who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

4. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

5. How to Stop Being Bullied: 14 Tips to Make Yourself Less of a Target

how to love yourself when everyone hates you at work

How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

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Want to know how to love yourself when everyone hates you? It won’t be easy, but here are some things you can do to keep loving who you are when it seems others don’t.

how to love yourself when everyone hates you

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Continuing to love yourself is the most important thing you can do when you’re stuck in a place where everyone else hates you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to love yourself when everyone hates you so that you can maintain your confidence and self-esteem.

Once you learn all about these crucial tips, your self-esteem won’t take such a big hit, and you’ll come away from it with minimal damage to your psyche.

This post teaches you how to love yourself when everyone hates you, so that you can preserve the most precious things you have- your confidence and self-esteem.

How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You

Life can get tough when you work or go to school in an environment where everyone else hates you. Here are twelve tips you can use to maintain self-love and protect your mental health.

1. Practice self-compassion.

In other words, treat yourself with the same kindness you would give to your best friend. When you practice self-compassion, you eliminate negative self-talk and encourage your inner voice to speak to you in a kind and gentle manner.

Also, you practice positive thinking. Look for the bright side when bad things happen or when people treat you unkindly. Maybe they’re jealous of an achievement you made.

Another part of self-compassion is re-framing every negative thing your bullies say to you. For instance, if a bully tells you that you’re no good, you reframe it. How? You do it by telling yourself that the bully is only projecting their own self-hatred onto you.

2. Practice self-care

If you don’t put yourself first, you’ll only end up finishing last. Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential! When you love yourself enough to take care of yourself, you boost your self-esteem and feel better about yourself.

So, how do you practice self-care? There are several ways to do so.

Practicing self-care means setting boundaries and saying no when necessary. It means prioritizing your own needs before those of others. Additionally, practicing self-care means treating yourself occasionally and engaging in activities you enjoy.

When you’re around those who hate you and want to harm you, you must make yourself top priority. And to hell with anyone who doesn’t like it.

3. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Be Yourself

If you continue to be yourself even when others try to change you, you keep your power. On the other hand, when you put on fronts to win approval from others, you only give it away. And you place it in the hands of people who couldn’t care less about you.

So, be yourself and think independently. Stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them. Start doing what you enjoy. Avoid the people who drain your energy and make you feel bad.

This is how you reclaim control of your life and start living life on your terms.

4. Walk away from toxic people

And be willing to walk away from those you care about if they don’t treat you with the same goodness in return. If they’re toxic family members whom you love, the hardest thing you can do is walk away. I understand that.

Loving yourself means making some tough decisions. Sometimes, you have to walk away from people you love and care about. And you must do it knowing full well that there is always a chance that they may never see your worth.

This means letting go of the outcome. In other words, you must come to the point where you no longer care even the slightest about the results.

However, if it’s a family member, there’s a strong chance that your choosing to walk away may shock the person. Moreover, they may suddenly realize your value and regret having taken you for granted. And they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

But! If it doesn’t, don’t feel guilty. Realize that you didn’t turn your back because you did not love them. You did it only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

5. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Stop caring what other people think

When you care too much about what others think, you make yourself a slave to them. You jump through hoops to prove your worth. You say yes all the time because you won’t have the guts to say no.

Additionally, you may do things you don’t want to do and agree with things that contradict your beliefs. And you sacrifice your time, energy, and resources for people who only take you for granted.

You fall for their lies and accept their crappy behavior to avoid conflict. Consequently, others notice, and they only see you as a doormat. Then, they lose respect for you.

So, buck up and stop giving undue value to other people’s opinions. Stop wondering if they like you and start asking yourself if you like them!

Instead of making everything about what others think, start making it about what you think! That’s how you take your power back!

6. Keep a journal or diary

Keeping a daily journal is one of the healthiest things you can do! Moreover, it’s even more critical when you deal with bullies and other people who hate you.

Keeping a journal allows you to document any instances of bullying and aggression. Moreover, it’s the best outlet you have when you have no one to turn to.

7. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Treat Yourself every now and again

There are many ways to treat yourself. For instance, you can go on a trip to the beach. If you’d rather stay home, you can treat yourself to a long soak in the bathtub with bubbles or a bath bomb.

You can even curl up in front of the fireplace and read a good book. However you like to treat yourself, do it. You’ll feel so much better when you do.

8. Take care of your health and hygiene

Taking care of your physical and mental health is of the utmost importance when you’re being bullied by people who hate you. In other words, exercise and eat healthy.

Eating a healthy diet provides the fuel you need to cope with life’s challenges. And when you pair that with exercise, you keep up your stamina.

And here’s another important point about exercise. It releases endorphins, these feel-good hormones that instantly lift your spirits.

Also, you must keep yourself clean. Bath often. Why? Because it helps you relax. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel after a good bath or shower.

9. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

Dress your BEST. 

Taking pride in your appearance is crucial when you’re being bullied. If you look good, you feel good. Therefore, practice good grooming and dressing habits. The better you dress, the better you feel.

And here’s another point I want to make. The way you dress and the style you choose give you a little bit of control over your life. It’s true!

So, continue to dress well. Do not let yourself go! You will be amazed at what this does for your self-esteem.

10. Make Positive Affirmations

To make positive affirmations, create loving ‘I-Am’ statements to yourself every day. For example, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am a great person,” “I am smart,” “I am beautiful,” and so on.

This is how you protect your confidence and self-esteem when people mistreat you. And you would be amazed at how much better it makes you feel about yourself!

11. Do the things that make you happy and fill your soul

Indulge in your hobbies. Do the things you enjoy the most. When you’re too busy doing the things you love, you won’t have time to think about your bullies and how they treat you.

In other words, you won’t dwell on their abuse and feel sorry for yourself. Self-pity is the killer of confidence. Therefore, do the things you love most, and you’ll keep your confidence from spiraling downward.

12. How to Love Yourself When Everyone Hates You:

See through their hatred of you.

Realize that their hatred hurts them more than it does you. Hate will fool you. Why? Because when a person hates someone, the person they hate either doesn’t know about it or doesn’t care.

Therefore, realize that your bullies’ hatred of you is fruitless. It isn’t getting them anywhere. The only thing it does is rot out their very souls.

While they’re burning with their hatred of you, you’re going about your business and living your life. Even worse for them, you’re living your life in peace. You’re doing the things you enjoy and taking care of yourself.

Therefore, your bullies are wasting their time and energy hating on you. Moreover, they only cause themselves misery.

So, let them hate.

In Conclusion:

One of the hardest things to do is to love yourself when everyone hates you. However, you must love yourself, or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others to validate you. Let love come from within!

That means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go. It also means doing everything you can to take care of yourself and maintain your happiness and fulfillment.

This post was all about how to love yourself when everyone hates you so that you can be more resilient and resistant to the attacks of bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well 

2. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

3. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

4. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

5. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

self-comparison is the thief of joy

Self-Comparison: Why It’s a Confidence Killer

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‘Want to know why self-comparison is such a confidence killer? Here are all the reasons you need to be aware of.

self-comparison

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Self-comparison is the killer of self-esteem.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about self-comparison so that you’ll know to avoid it like the plague.

Also, you’ll learn how to catch yourself when you start to compare yourself to others and shut it down before it does any damage.

Once you learn all about this evil mental disease, you will be able to keep your confidence and self-esteem healthy and enjoy being you.

This post is all about self-comparison and why you should avoid it so you can recognize it and avoid it.

Self-Comparison

Self-comparison is the enemy is the one thing you should stay away from. Here are a few reasons why.

1. It discourages you from being yourself.

Many targets of bullying get into the habit of comparing themselves to others. For example, a bullied kid sitting in the lunchroom at school may look a few tables over from him.

He may see the very kids who bully him surrounded by friends, yucking it up and having a good time. They seem to be enjoying friendships while the bullied kid is left in the cold.

Moreover, watching them causes an ache in the kid’s heart. It may even make him angry at the injustice of it. He thinks to himself:

“I wish I were like him because if I were, I’d have friends too. I hate him because he’s a creep and doesn’t deserve to be so lucky! Why him? I deserve it more than he does? It’s not fair!”
But when is life ever fair?

2. It makes you resentful.

Here’s another example. A coworker at a company sees another coworker who hasn’t put in as much time as he has. The boss gives the newer employee a promotion.

The older coworker immediately gets angry. Moreover,  he thinks that the only way the other guy must’ve gotten that promotion is by sucking up to the boss. He then begins to wish the other coworker all kinds of bad luck.

3. Self-Comparison makes you jealous.

The root of this is thinking that someone else is just luckier or better off than you.

Again, comparing yourself to others is a real self-esteem killer. But sadly, people do it all the time. When you compare your life to someone else’s, it only breeds all kinds of toxic emotions, two of which are anger and jealousy.

Understand that you cannot judge the appearances someone keeps up and accurately guess what their life is like. Because people are notorious for showing only the best parts of their lives and keeping the less-than-desirable parts hidden.

Also realize that some people, bullies especially, make it a point to flash only the positive aspects of their lives to those around them. And they do it for the sole purpose of provoking envy.

Why? Because knowing that others are jealous of them is a huge boost to their egos. It gives them a sense of power and superiority. Realize that the appearances these people keep up are only a show. Here are a few examples.

Example 1.

At school, many of my bullies looked like they really had their lives going for them. However, things weren’t so rosy for them at home.

Some of them had drunken fathers who would come home from the local bar and smack their mothers around. And they had to watch that!

Here’s another example. You see some guy at work. Every day, he comes to work decked out in fancy clothes. He pulls into the parking lot, driving a hot sports car.  He also has a six-bedroom house in the ritzy part of town.

Although he may look like he’s rolling in money, he’s more than likely living beyond his means. Chances are he’s in debt up to his eyeballs. He probably feels terrified inside because he knows that if the slightest setback happens, he’ll lose it all!

This is why self-comparison is such a waste of your time. Because it causes you to sit around, looking at those you think have it better. And, in reality, they’re probably much worse off than you are.

Yet, you waste all that energy hating on them. You must stop this right now!

Self-Comparison:

Example 2

You’re a single lady. You see a seemingly happy couple in a shopping mall. They look so happy and so in love. Also, they have friends gathered around them. But you have no clue what goes on in their house.

Her husband could be beating the crap out of her behind closed doors (or vice versa), and they’re only putting on airs. Also, they might be on the brink of divorce.

Example 3

You’re scrolling through your social media news feed. Suddenly, you see pictures of your next door neighbor, lying on the beach in the tropics. But what you don’t realize is that they had to clean out their savings just to take that trip.

You don’t See what others are dealing with in private.

Here’s my point. Never judge anyone who seems a little luckier than you. Why? Because, in private, they could be fighting battles you know nothing about.

They may have a mother at home dying of cancer. Or, they might have a father who went off to war and never came back.  The person could be buried in legal issues.

Self-Comparison kills your happiness.

For instance, you feel so content with your life until you spot someone who looks like they have it much better than you. Then, all of a sudden, you’re feeling less than. This should indicate how useless self-comparison and jealousy really are.

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying and the next time you spot someone who has a lot of friends, think about this. Some of those friends may only pretend to like them. Those same friends may talk some mad shit about them once their back is turned.

So, don’t allow it to cause you to compare yourself to them. So, how do you get rid of self-comparison?

Count your blessings.

You get rid of it by taking your attention off these people and counting your blessings. Because although they may be luckier than you in one aspect, you are most likely better off than them in other ways. Think about it.

Also, understand that anytime you feel jealous of another person, it only means that deep inside, you’re insecure. It means that you have a deep-seated spirit of lack and failure. Therefore, you want to take the other person’s good fortune away from them and keep it for yourself.

And lastly, it’s a sign that you don’t feel that you can ever reach those goals yourself. Stop it! Because if they can, you can too.

Stop comparing yourself to others because it’s a waste of time and energy. It also drains your confidence.

Know that you are enough and your life is enough. And you never know what the future holds. You too may someday buy your dream home, find a loving partner, or get the opportunity to go on a tropical getaway.

For now, be happy for those who are presently getting those opportunities. Instead of provoking jealousy in you, these people should inspire you and give you hope for the future. Moreover, they should inspire you to work toward your goals and dreams.

Self-Comparison CAUSES you to degrade yourself.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

So, if bullies are trying to make you feel less than by rubbing their successes in your face, realize that you don’t have to put up with it.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back. And, if you can’t walk away, then make changes that benefit you until you can.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Stop comparing yourself to others. Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

You don’t have to feel less than because someone else is reaping their harvest before yours comes in. It isn’t necessary. You have just as much of a chance at success as anyone else. You just don’t know it yet.

Therefore, learn to love yourself. Be satisfied with where you are for the time being. Practice your talents and gifts. Do the things you enjoy most. And spend time with the people who love you.

Most importantly, give a little of yourself to help others without expecting anything in return. And I promise you. It will pay off sooner or later.

Jealousy isn’t necessary. Continue to work on your goals and dreams. Stay confident. Be yourself. And know that there will come a day when you too will enjoy success in all aspects of your life.

This post is all about self-comparison so that you’ll know how damaging it can be to your confidence and take steps to avoid it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

2. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

3. Bullying and Self-Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You 

loving yourself first is not selfish

Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well

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Do you want to know the true meaning of loving yourself first and the positive changes that come with it? Here are the mind-blowing advantages you gain when you treat yourself right.

loving yourself first

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When you endure relentless bullying seemingly from every direction, loving yourself and putting yourself first can be difficult. Moreover, it’s too easy to buy into the lies of bullies and turn against yourself when people hurl insults and negative comments at you daily.

This is why you must embrace yourself even when it seems that no one else does.

In this post, you will learn about loving yourself first and ways to play mind games with yourself when you feel your self-esteem beginning to slip.

After you learn all these important tips, you will be more resistant to any negativity bullies kick your way. Here are things you can do to continue loving yourself first that are powerful and that work!

Loving yourself first

What does loving yourself first mean? It means loving yourself second to only God. It means continuing to treat yourself well in spite of the way people at work, school, the community, and even a few evil family members treat you.

Also, it means not giving respect to anyone who hasn’t earned it from you. Moreover, it means protecting your heart, your peace, and your space by establishing boundaries.

However, when you are a target of bullying, this can be very difficult when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity. Constantly being bombarded with ugly names, cruel taunts, and attacks tends to accumulate over time.

 As a result, it can have a devastating effect on your self-esteem. In other words, if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you.

Therefore, no matter how viciously others may treat you, you must do everything possible to hold on to self-love! You must do this even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

“I AM an awesome person.”
>“I AM beautiful.”
>“I AM worthy of being loved.”

You must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

How you go about loving yourself first

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can. Moreover, you must command respect from others, including a few family members you love dearly, and be willing to make some tough decisions to receive that love and respect.

Sometimes, you must be willing to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. This means coming to a place where you no longer care the slightest about the outcome.

Also, you go about it by showing yourself compassion and practicing self-care.

Yes. There is a strong chance that your value will go up in people’s eyes, and they may eventually see your worth. There’s also a chance that they may come to respect you and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take a few years, but it can happen.

However, there’s also a chance that these family members may not see your worth and continue to treat you badly. Therefore, be okay with it and be ready to cut these people out of your life. That’s what self-love is about.

To protect yourself from those who refuse to see your worth, don’t only walk away, but do it without guilt.

If, by chance, people don’t change toward you, realize that you did not turn your back on them because you did not care about them. You did it because they did not love you enough to treat you with the respect that you know you deserve.

Therefore, never look outside of yourself for acceptance and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

Loving yourself first means loving everything that is you.

It means embracing every single part of yourself that you can do nothing about. What it doesn’t mean is accepting some things about yourself and either hating or being ashamed of other parts. In other words, it means accepting yourself completely– your entire self and all that you are- your whole being.

Therefore, whether you’re rich, poor, or middle-class, embrace it. It’s a part of who you are. Whether you’re Black, White, Hispanic, Jewish, or any other race, never be ashamed of it! Embrace it because it too is a part of you.

Whether you have brown eyes, blue eyes, or green; dark, red, or blonde hair; dark or light skin- love those things. Those are also what make you you.

Moreover, love your nationality, your country, your state, community, and neighborhood because they too make up the person that is you. Whether you are American or Japanese, British, or Indian, take pride in those things about you.

Take pride in and love yourself, no matter your heritage!

Accept your past and be okay with it.

If you grew up poor and made it out, don’t be ashamed. Be proud of it because it’s a testament to how far you’ve come. Also, if you grew up in an abusive household, own that too because it’s proof that you survived and overcame.

The same goes if you were once a person with a drug or alcohol addiction but are now sober. Be not ashamed of those things, for those are things you’ve triumphed over. Moreover, if you have a past of crime and imprisonment and have turned your life around, see it as evidence of how you’ve matured and use it to teach others.

Love yourself no matter your weight, height, or whether you have freckles, glasses, or braces. They too are the building blocks of you. If you’d like to change them and can change them, by all means, do it.

Loving yourself first means changing what you can change and accepting what you can’t change about yourself.

Lose weight if you want to or get contacts if you don’t like your eyeglasses. Moreover, it’s okay to look forward to beautiful teeth once those braces come off. Know that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to become what you feel would be a better version of yourself.

However, love the things you can’t change about yourself. Embrace yourself. Even better, celebrate yourself. Know that each of us is perfectly made, flaws and all!

Know that how you look, your past, your weight, height; eye, hair, and skin color; race, nationality, creed, upbringing, orientation, religion, values- each is the building blocks that make up the whole you.

The only thing that matters is your character and how you treat yourself and others.

Therefore, if you know in your heart that you are a good person and have so much to offer others. But that includes yourself too.

Remember that when it all comes down, no person is better than another. See yourself as neither superior nor inferior, but just as good as the next person. You are you, and you love it!

Therefore, love and accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Moreover, take care of yourself and know your value and your worth. Know that you are worthy of the best life has to offer!

7 benefits you reap from loving yourself first:

1. You attract better people into your life.

You don’t attract what you want. No. You attract what you are. In other words, if you’re a negative person, you’ll only attract others who are negative. Just the same, if you don’t love yourself, you only attract others with the same condition.

However, once you begin valuing yourself, you’ll soon attract others who not only value themselves, but will value you as well.

Why? Because the energy you put out will change to the positive, and people will pick up on it by sensing it. Therefore, you’ll begin attracting people into your life who will want to be around you and become friends.

You will most likely find true friends who love you for you.

2. You attract better circumstances into your life.

Blessings begin to flow into your life because of this change in attitude. When you love yourself, you believe you deserve better, and better is what you’ll get. It’s just the way things work.

Your circumstances will match your disposition.

3. Your relationships improve.

Loving yourself first means that you have enough love to give others. Also, you give it more properly. Naturally, this improves your relationships exponentially because most people love those who love them.

4. Loving yourself first will skyrocket your confidence and self-esteem.

When you love yourself, it’s only natural that you also raise self-esteem and become more confident. Self-love is the battery that powers the confidence/self-esteem machine.

5. You’re healthier.

You have better health because you love yourself enough to eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep at night.

6. Your motivation increases.

You’re more motivated to pursue your interests and work on your goals when you have self-love.

7. You’re more productive.

As a result of increased motivation,  you bring more success and achievement into your life. This is why you accomplish so much more with self-love.

So, don’t you think it’s time you begin giving yourself the self-care you deserve? Self-love also means respecting yourself. Know that you’re worth it. And the benefits of it will amaze you! I promise!

this post was all about loving yourself first and the benefits that follow.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

2. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

3. Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

why you should love yourself first

Why You Should Love Yourself: 10 Things that Happen if You Don’t

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‘Want to know why you should love yourself? Here are all the reasons you need to know about.

why you should love yourself

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Self-love is the best love!

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

In this post, you will learn why you should love yourself and what can happen to you if you don’t.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be more compelled to show yourself some love and go after the life you want. Moreover, you will be encouraged to stand up to bullies or anyone who tries to tear you down.

This post is all about why you should love yourself so that you can get more of what you know you deserve.

Why You Should Love Yourself

When you don’t love yourself, others can tell. They can see it in your demeanor, your face, and your posture. In other words, how you feel about yourself has ways of coming out in your body language.

Also, others can hear it in your tone of voice and the way you talk. Why do you think you attract users and abusers who only want to hurt you?

Why do you think you end up with people who mistreat and control you? And why do you think bullies are constantly on your trail?

Low self-esteem and lack of confidence come from an inability to love yourself.

Here’s are 10 things that happen if you don’t love yourself:

1. If you don’t love yourself, You’ll never Be able to properly love anyone else.

You will be codependent. In other words, you’ll always search to get love from another source. Moreover, you’ll depend on sources outside yourself, instead of letting love come from within.

When you finally find someone who does love you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother your partner to death.

Why? Because you’ll always have to be right there under the person’s nose.

Also, you’ll be suspicious. You’ll wonder if your partner’s going to leave you or wondering if they’re cheating.

You’ll wonder if your friends really like you or if they’re only pretending to. In other words, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past.

That’s not fair. A new partner shouldn’t have to pay for someone else’s sins. And that’s what you’re forcing them to do.

Also, being in constant worry and suspicion is no way for you to live!

2. Why You Should Love Yourself:

You’ll rely too much on others to make you feel loved and wanted.

When you need someone else more than they need you, you only give away your power. Never let anyone else decide your worth.

Because, when you do, you only make yourself their slave.

3. You’ll be afraid of being alone.

You will always believe that to be happy, you must always be one half of a couple. But understand that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship either.

Why? Because you’ll be insecure even with a mate. A relationship isn’t the end all be all. Stop depending on one to complete you. Learn to be happy by yourself.

4. You’ll move too quickly into a relationship.

Once you are in a relationship, you’ll love your partner more than they deserve. Therefore, you won’t give they time to earn that love.

Also, you’re likely to scare the other person away. Why? Because moving too quickly in a relationship is a red flag.

It signals insecurity and desperation. You must realize that love needs time to grow.

5. Why You Should Love Yourself:

You’ll give away your power.

When you give away your power, you automatically put yourself at the mercy of someone else. And believe me. They take full advantage.

Here’s what will happen. You’ll put your own needs on the back burner and always put your partner before yourself. You’ll end up doing all the giving in the relationship.

In fact, you’ll jump through hoops for your partner’s love. You’ll even do things you really don’t want to do just to satisfy the other person.

You’ll stop making your own decisions and allow someone else to choose for you. And you’ll also agree to every single thing they say.

When you do this, you leave nothing for yourself. After a while, the feeling of unfairness will slowly build.

Soon, you will become resentful after so long of not getting anything in return. Therefore, never give another person that kind of power! You must have your own mind and be your own person.

You can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you.

What happens when your partner gets tired of you and decides they no longer want to be with you? It will devastate you.

It’s only natural that the end of any friendship or relationship is painful. But it should never be crushing. In other words, it shouldn’t feel like the end of the world.

6. If you Don’t Love Yourself, You’ll be on an endless search for love and friendship.

You’ll spend your whole life searching for love. That in itself is not only off-putting to others, but it’s also exhausting to you.

You’ll waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship. One partner will get bored with you and leave for someone who challenges them.

Then, you’ll search for someone else to take their place. The cycle will only continue to repeat itself. Before long, you’ll have a string of broken relationships behind you. Not good!

7. Why You Should Love Yourself:

If you Don’t, You’ll settle for just anyone.

As a result, you’ll get even less than what you settled for. No one should settle. Ever!

If the person isn’t the person you want or is less than what you thought they were, you won’t be satisfied. You’ll be much happier if you move on to something you really want.

Always be selective of the friends and partners you choose and of the company you keep.

8. You’ll attract takers instead of givers.

Predatory people have a keen eye for those who are desperate to be loved and accepted. In fact, those of the kinds of people they search for!

Why? Because they’re so easy to manipulate!

If you fall into this category, they’ll sniff you from a mile away. These people will be more than happy to befriend or date you just to get what they want from you.

And once they’ve bled you dry of any resources and dignity, they’ll only drop you and move on to the next poor sucker. When you stop being afraid of being alone, you magically begin to repel predators and attract better people.

9. Why You Should Love Yourself:

If you Don’t, You’ll repel the people who would otherwise love and accept you.

If by chance you happen to find someone who truly loves you, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. You’ll be so scared of losing the person that you’ll be too clingy.

And you’ll likely run them off because of your incessant neediness.

Understand that when you do this, you automatically make them responsible for your happiness. Again, that’s not fair.

Being held responsible for another person’s happiness is a heavy load for anyone to carry! You’ll only zap the other person’s energy as you expect them to fill a void that can’t be filled by anyone but you and God.

Therefore, you must realize that only you are responsible for your happiness. No one else!

10. You’ll stay in toxic relationships and put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone.

You’ll likely end of with an abuser who’ll physically or mentally abuse you. Love and friendship should never be painful.

You may also end up with someone who’s too lazy to work. And they’ll expect you to keep their worthless ass up. In fact, you’ll be doing all the work in the relationship.

No one has to work that hard to keep any relationship. And if you do, it’s a sign that you need to show somebody out the door. Fast!

The last thing you want is to be tied down to some broke chump who treats you like crap. You don’t need some asshole who won’t get off their dead ass and work to help pay the bills.

I’ve seen this happen to so many people I’ve known in the past.

Understand that being alone is a part of loving yourself. It’s not the worst thing that can happen to you. In fact, it’s healthy because you get to know yourself during times of solitude.

But when you’re afraid of being by yourself, you’re likely to give others control of your life. And, again, you put yourself at their mercy! So, STOP THAT!

Don’t cheat yourself by settling for anything less than what you deserve! And never put your happiness in someone else’s hands! Ever!

Learning to love yourself is the best thing you can ever do. Once you do, you’ll be surprised at how much your life will improve!

This post is all about why you should love yourself and what happens when you don’t so that you’ll avoid being someone else’s emotional slave and treat yourself better.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

2. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

3. How to Regain Your Power: 9 Ways to Empower Yourself

how to regain your power over your life

How to Regain Your Power: 9 Ways to Empower Yourself

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‘Want to know how to regain your power? Here are 9 ways to empower yourself that you need to know about.

how to regain your power

Photo from Canva

Everyone wants to have power. In fact, it’s human nature to seek power. Because to be completely powerless is the perfect description of hell.

However, bullies can strip you of your personal power. And if you no longer have your personal power, you are powerless.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to regain your personal power so that you can take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be a powerful force in your own life. You will get back your freedom and your autonomy. Then you will be able to live your life as you see fit.

This post is all about how to regain your power so that you can overcome bullying and live your life on your terms.

How to Regain Your Power

Everyone wants power, if only a little of it. And sadly, bullies have ways of taking away your power.

Consequently, when a person is totally powerless, they live their life on autopilot. Figuratively, they’re only a leaf being blown around in the wind. They’re a sailboat without a sail- being blown on whatever course life dictates for them.

And it’s a terrible way to live. Without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Really stop and think about it for a moment. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to, isn’t it? It’s the worst thing that could happen to you!

Real Power

Most people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through their accomplishments. In other words, they get their power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

People who aren’t bullies get their sense of power through having success in their jobs. Moreover, they feel powerful from having successful home lives. They may have a loving family and a happy home.

Therefore, they take great pride in their families.

Their power may also come from their talents, their finances, and their physical health. This is why people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they aren’t afraid to display their talents and gifts.

For instance, a husband and father gets his sense of power from his ability to provide for and take care of his wife and children. A writer gets her sense of power through her writing and the ability to achieve readership.

A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh. And a singer gets her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice.

An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport. Also, students get their sense of power through making exceptional grades and through their diplomas and degrees.

But what do all these people have in common? It’s that they can all achieve their power without stepping on others.

Therefore, understand that getting power doesn’t always require hurting others. And there are no winners and losers. There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

And personal power is real power!

How to Regain Your Power:

Personal Power

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans puts power in two categories- personal power and power over.

Personal power is power over your life’s trajectory. It’s the power to direct your own path- to choose your own wants.

It’s having the autonomy to make choices and decisions for yourself, and to do your own thing. There’s no need to harm another person because you already direct your own life-movie.

Having personal power puts you in the driver’s seat of your life. Therefore, you are the one who chooses your destination and which route you want to take to get there.

You are the captain of your own ship. The winds may change and blow you off course. However, with personal power, you have a rudder to steer your ship back on course.

You may have to take detours, and you may have to take the long way to your destination. But you know where you’re going, and you eventually get there.

There are two types of power.

Power Over

Sadly, bullies cannot achieve personal power. Why? Because most bullies are incompetent fools who have no real intelligence. They only know how to act intelligent and fool others.

Moreover, they also have no sense of responsibility. They have no talent and no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

The only way bullies can achieve power is to inflict harm on others. The only way they can achieve satisfaction in their jobs, families, or finances is by steamrolling people.

Bullies are so inept they can’t even survive in this world without hurting others. This kind of power is called power over.

Power over is lording it over another person through force, coercion, and trickery. It violates boundaries.

Power over shows no respect or regard. Moreover, it seeks to oppress and block you from all the good things in life- love, peace, success, happiness- freedom.

In power over, there is a winner (the bully) and a loser (the victim). It is a zero-sum game. Always! Power over is against personal power, and it only takes it away.

If you’re a victim of bullying, you must begin taking steps to take back your personal power. Only then will you be free. And you’ll finally begin living instead of existing.

How to Regain Your Power:

Bullies use Power Over.

What do we mean when we mention, “personal power?” Simple. We mean the ability to influence the events that happen in our lives.

When bullies target you for bullying, they find ways of stripping you of your personal power. Most do this bit by tiny bit.

In other words, they gradually escalate the attacks until they leave you utterly powerless. However, there are simple methods you can use to reclaim your personal power and feel more in control of your circumstances.

9 Ways to Empower Yourself

1. Have a strong set of beliefs and principles.

When you have a strong set of beliefs and principles, you’re least likely to fall for any lies and name-calling your bullies bombard you with. Therefore, you’re least likely to allow them to influence how you see yourself.

Moreover, you won’t make decisions and choices based on their approval. Instead, you will do what you know is best for you and what makes you feel most alive.

3. Be okay with who you are.

Realize that you are perfect just the way God made you. However, know that it’s okay if you want to improve yourself. There’s nothing wrong with becoming a better version of yourself because there’s always room for improvement.

And this goes for everyone. The problem comes when you allow others’ opinions of you to change the way you view yourself.

Never put yourself down because bullies and others are putting you down. No matter what they say or how they act toward you, don’t lose sight of your worth.

Continue to value yourself and refrain from thinking that you should be like someone else. You are you. Be okay with it. Practice self-acceptance and self-love while you improve.

3. How to Regain Your Power:

Follow your goals and dreams.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

But be prepared for others to resist your positive change.

Get ready for bullies to notice the positive change in you and put up some resistance to it. How will they do this?  They’ll intensify their attacks.

They’ll ridicule the positive changes you make. Also, they’ll bring up your past.

However, realize that they will do these things because the new you will threaten their power. Moreover, the new, happier, and more confident you will be something that your bullies won’t be used to seeing.

And it will throw them off balance. But don’t allow the fear of it to stop you. Keep working on you and doing what you love. I guarantee that it will pay off later.

Understand that your bullies have grown comfortable in seeing you depressed, miserable, and beaten down. Moreover, when you begin this positive change, you take your bullies out of their comfort zones.

And most people love their comfort zones and will fight like the devil to stay in them.

4. How to Regain Your Power:

Replace negative self-talk with that which is positive.

In other words, stop beating yourself up. Realize that your bullies and abusers have conned you into believing that you aren’t good enough. But you are good enough and that you’re just as worthy as the next Joe Schmo.

Instead of saying to yourself, “I’ll never be good enough,” say, “I AM good enough now, and I’m only going to get better.”

5. Walk away from toxic people.

Toxic people only want to bring you down and keep you there. These people are bullies and abusers. However, they can also be fakes who pose as your friends.

Therefore, know that anyone who even subtly insults you doesn’t deserve one micro-second of your time. You’d much rather be alone than with fake friends who throw zingers and backhanded compliments at you.

You’ll be much happier without them. So, be patient and better friends will come along. I promise you!

6. Get healthy.

When you’re healthy, you’re happy. Get outside and get some sunlight.  Don’t forget to exercise. I promise you that you’ll feel so much better! Also, you’ll have more of your power.

Taking these steps may feel strange at first. Trying new things always does. However, with time, it will become like second nature, and you will feel so much better about yourself.

You’ll feel stronger, more confident, and freer! Now that is power!

Moreover, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your life will improve!

7. How to Regain Your Power:

Expose the bullies by reporting them to a manager or a school staff member.

Understand that bullies and their followers may call you a snitch. However, when it comes to your personal safety, you’re not being a snitch.

You’re only trying to protect yourself by getting the teacher or supervisor involved. This may or may not work. However, it’s always wise to report the bully if you cannot take care of it on your own.

Maybe you’re a small 5′ 4″, 110-pound female being bullied at work by a 6′ 4″, 225-pound gargantuan male. In cases like these, report it to a supervisor or manager and even the police, if need be.

8. Turn your pain into power.

What do I mean by this?

You can take any abuse you suffer and use it for the benefit of others. That’s a success! And it’s the best poke in the eye and slap in the face to your bullies and abusers.

I say this because I get plenty of push-back from a few of my old pals from way back when. Think about this. If you speak your truth and your former abusers lash back, it’s because they know they’re guilty.

If they weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t care so much. Also, if your voice wasn’t so powerful and you weren’t telling the truth, your bullies wouldn’t push back so hard.

The reason why you’ve probably gotten a few nasty or threatening messages is that your former abusers know you’re telling the truth. And they’re scared to death that you’ll expose them.

How to Regain Your Power:

Also, here’s another interesting point you probably haven’t thought of.

Your bullies are probably angry that they failed to accomplish their objective. And that objective was to destroy your life.

In other words, they expected you to drown. They just knew you’d crash and burn, and you didn’t!

Therefore, that’s a huge disappointment to them. It’s a blow to their overinflated egos! And now, they’re coming back to try and finish the job.

Therefore, you should welcome their resentment. Why? Because it only shows that they’re desperate.

This should only inspire you to double down on spreading awareness of bullying. And it should encourage you to keep reaching out to other victims with your message.

Moreover, it should compel you to speak to them about why people bully. And you want to call out the tactics and mindsets of bullies and expose them.

And lastly, your bullies’ behavior should make you want to warn victims of the effects of bullying. You must show other victims what to look for. In short, they only light a fire under you.

Another way you can turn your pain into power is to stop calling yourself a victim and refer to yourself as a target instead.

9. Be successful!

Success is the best revenge against bullies. Therefore, work on your goals and pursue your dreams. Go after the life you want!

Then watch your bullies lose their minds as you achieve success after success!

This post was all about how to regain your power so that you can overcome bullying and take control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

2. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

3. Why People Bully: 11 Benefits Bullies Reap at Your Expense

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How to Outsmart Bullies: 4 Unconventional Ways to Do So

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‘Want to know how to outsmart bullies in ways they’ll never expect? Here are the sneakiest ways you can do it!

how to outsmart bullies

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There are ways to outsmart bullies that most people don’t think about.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to outsmart bullies in the sneakiest ways so that you can lure them out in the open and finally expose them for the creeps they are.

Once you learn all these clever tricks, you will be better able to trick your bullies into outing themselves. Moreover, you will not only have the possibility of exonerating yourself and repairing your unfairly ruined reputation, but you’ll also be able to defend yourself more effectively.

This post is all about how to outsmart bullies so that you can take back your personal power and your life.

How to Outsmart Bullies

When you trick your bullies, the last thing you want to do is to make it obvious. Therefore, here are the sneakiest ways to out your bullies so that you can keep yourself safe while you use your bag of tricks.

1. Draw Your Enemies Out in the Open

We think we know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to us. However, many are not who they make us think they are.

In life, there will be fakers and imposters. There will be those who infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends.

These people will seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they’ll figure out everything about you. They’ll suss out your soft spots and most intimate details of your life. T

Moreover, they’ll discover what your goals, dreams, and plans are. Then these creeps will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to flush out all the rats? Before we go any further, be forewarned. This won’t be easy.

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do. Why? Because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief. Here’s what I’m talking about.

How to Outsmart Bullies:

Draw your bullies out by appearing weak.

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks. This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person or persons.

You must realize that when people feel untouchable, they become brazen. And this is when you see their true nature. Therefore, to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. No one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when you’re defeated. Moreover, it’s the same even when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world.

You’ll be ridiculed, your bullies will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all. In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

You can also pull this trick on friends you suspect are fake.

However, this is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing. Why? Because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying.

Very few want to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that. It feels so much better (and safer) to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy keen.

But trust me, it is only when you’re at your lowest that you find out who’s really in your corner. And those who aren’t, never were.

So, again, if you can make everyone think that you’ve been knocked on your ass, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins. Many will reveal themselves, and some will more than likely be people you’d never expect.

Very few people realize who their enemies are until things get hairy.

How to Outsmart bullies:

When you’re at your lowest, the snakes will shed their skins.

Any time you appear to be at your weakest and lowest, not only will your secret enemies reveal themselves, but they’ll also be more emboldened to act against you.

And when they do, they’ll do it openly! And the reason these people will be so open with their dirt is that they’ll mistake you for being too powerless to fight back.

But realize that this is the only way for you to clear the human clutter from your life. And you do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of beforehand.

If you do this right, you can ensure your safety and peace of mind in the future. Moreover, you can remove any obstacles to your progress. More importantly, you can make yourself available only to the people who are your tried and true friends.

So, in closing, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, do something to make yourself appear weak or down and out. Then see what they do.

2. Fake a Surrender.

If your bullies are extremely powerful, it’s best to fake a surrender if you want them to leave you alone. This may not feel good. However, sometimes, real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first.

Why? Because if you fight back, you might be fighting an unwinnable war. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to do it correctly.

You can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor them by fooling them into thinking they’ve won.

Understand that bullies love to show dominance and superiority. Therefore, if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be too easy to trick them.

Submitting, for the time being, makes your bullies feel satisfied and powerful. In this, they become easier targets for a later counter-attack.

3. How to Outsmart Bullies:

Use Their Attacks Against them.

You can do this by dragging out the attacks. For example, when they attack you with insults, you simply say, “That’s your opinion,” or “Opinions vary.”

When you do, you will only force the bullies to repeat the attacks over and over again. Therefore, you drag them out until they become boring and redundant.

I won’t kid you; this technique won’t be an easy thing to do. Any time we are attacked, our first instinct is to jab back with attacks of our own. But sometimes that’s not wise to do.

This method can be effective in the workplace.  However, it’s much harder and usually takes longer to have an effect. Why? Because adults are more tenacious and stealthier with their bullying.

Respond, Don’t React!

This strategy works much better in the school environment. So, respond. But never react.

And how you respond is with short comebacks like those above. Then walk away and leave the bullies standing there, running their mouths and looking defeated. Why?

Because when you don’t give them the response they want (which is for you to attack them back by name-calling, yelling, screaming, or cursing), their natural reactions will be to repeat, repeat, repeat like a broken record.

In other words, you force the bullies to repeat the same attacks over a long time. By doing it this way, you force them to wear them out until they get so old and stale that others outside the bully/target dynamic get thoroughly sick of hearing them.

And once people get tired of hearing it, they’ll no longer pay attention to it.

In deploying this neat little method, you expose the childishness of their attacks. You also expose the weakness of the bullies’ position, which they thought was their strength.

Instead of winning others over to their side, your bullies only alienate them. Why? Because people get bored after hearing the same old shit for so long.

4. How to Outsmart Bullies:

Rattle Your Bullies to Expose Them

Sometimes, to expose your bullies, you must rattle them. If you’re not sure how to do it, think Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam!

Getting a bully rattled is as easy as smiling. Therefore, say nothing to them; only look at them and smile like you know something they don’t. I promise you. It’ll drive them up the wall!

They’ll ask you what the hell you’re smiling at. Don’t get defensive. Don’t say anything. Just walk away, snickering.

Your bullies will be madly bewildered. They’ll look at each other, wondering why you seem so smug.

Next, they’ll wonder what it is you’re up to, and curiosity will get the best of them. You’ll throw them off! Trust me. Bullies always think you’re up to something when you act this way.

Also, They’ll go on the hunt to find answers like hounds sniffing a trail.

Here’s another possibility. Your bullies may think you’re making fun of them and get super angry. But, all the better for you.

Here’s why:

  • When someone is really pissed off, they lose the ability to think straight and control their emotions.
  • When you stir someone up, you throw them off balance. When this happens, they usually screw up and do something foolish.

If they challenge you to a fight, don’t fight unless it’s necessary. You want to get the bully in front of a crowd of people. Then get them so mad they start yelling and throwing a hissy fit in front of everyone.

Your goal is to get them to expose themselves in front of bystanders and those in authority! Oops! BUSTED!

Sadly, this is the only way you can expose a bully by allowing others to see with their own eyes. But before you employ this tactic, be sure that the bully does not carry a deadly weapon and isn’t criminally violent.

Outsmarting bullies is easy if you know the right tactics to use.

This post was all about how to outsmart bullies so that you can expose them without being obvious and take back your personal power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Using Your Enemy’s Attacks Against Them: 5 Ways to Counter Bullying

2. 7 Secrets to Instantly Expose Bullies

3. Outsmarting Bullies: 3 Clever Ways That Expose Them

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Having the Courage to be Disliked: 7 Reasons to be Okay with It

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‘Want to know the importance of having the courage to be disliked? Here’s why it’s important and why it’s a part of standing up for what’s right and for your rights.

having the courage to be disliked

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Many victims of bullying lose lots of friends because of the bullying they suffer. Many of them begin bending themselves into a pretzel just to get people to like them. This only further alienates them from others.

Therefore, in this post you will learn why having the courage to be disliked is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be okay with it when people dislike you. Moreover, you will be more choosy about the people you allow into your life.

This post is all about the courage to be disliked so that you can feel better about yourself even when a few others don’t like you.

Having the courage to be disliked

Being disliked is not the end of the world. Life is not a popularity contest, and there will be those who just don’t like you. And that’s okay.

Here are all the reasons you should be okay with people not liking you.

1. Like is Subjective. Not Everyone You Meet is Going to Like You

Not everyone is going to like you. Some may even hate you. But remember this! It’s their problem, not yours.

And this goes no matter who you are. Even famous people have others who dislike them. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how talented or famous you are. An estimated 10-35% of the people you know will not like you.

Nevertheless, you must always stay true to yourself. Stay true to your beliefs and convictions. Moreover, continue to use your God-given talents to the best of your ability. Be the best you can be.

 And know that if you don’t have enemies, then you’re doing something wrong.

Again, celebrities, politicians, and athletes have people who dislike them. This alone should be proof that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

So, feel good about yourself. Embrace all your flaws. Appreciate the people who love you. Let love in and let yourself shine!

Having the Courage to Be Disliked:

2. Opinions are like elbows.

Opinions are pinions. Nothing more. And they’re a dime a dozen. Therefore, don’t let other people’s negative opinions get under your skin. If you do, you’ll only allow their opinions to control you. As a result, you’ll only give them your power.

But once you finally begin seeing your worth, you’ll realize that you’re better off without those people. Therefore, ask yourself these questions:

  • “Have any of these people even reached my level?”
  • “Do their opinions even matter?
  • “Who are they that I should even care?”

They don’t know you on a personal level. Moreover, they aren’t your family or your closest friends. Therefore, the weight you give to any opinion should depend on who holds it and the relationship you have with them.

If you’re a target of bullying, you should have the same attitude. Realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant. Moreover, their words mean nothing.

To be offended by what another person thinks, you must first value their opinions. And that means you must first value them.

3. The Value you Give to someone’s Opinion Depends on Who they Are and how close you are to them.

Realize that some people’s dislike or hatred only comes from a place of ignorance. Or, it may stem from bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity.

Therefore, take it with a grain of salt. Only value the opinions of those who know you. That means those of God and your closest family members and friends.

Again, to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. And for someone to piss you off or hurt your feelings, you must value them to some degree. I can’t stress this enough.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving your bullies the value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them your power.

Always be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Also, have your own preferences and make your own choices. Do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

4. Having the Courage to be Disliked:

No two people are the same.

Stop worrying about who does or doesn’t like you.

No two people have the exact likes, dislikes, tastes, or opinions. Therefore, their dislike bears no reflection on you. We all move in different circles and directions.

It’s just how life works and how we’re all made.

Continue to love and embrace yourself as the person God created you to be. Continue to enjoy the friends and loved ones you do have and never mind the people you don’t have. They aren’t important.

Embrace your differences because no two people are the same. Accept every flaw and quirk you have. Above all, accept no one’s ignorant, cookie-cutter version of what you should be.

Moreover, imagine how utterly and downright boring life would be if we were all the same. Imagine a world full of white people, black people, or Hispanics. Or a world full of people with blonde hair and blue eyes or dark hair and dark eyes!

It would be like living in a town where all diners were pizza parlors and served pizza but nothing else. Yuck! I love pizza, but I wouldn’t want to eat that every day!

Therefore, love being different. Know that there are people who love you and are begging to spend time with you. And above all else, know that God loves you.

5. Having the Courage to be Disliked:

They Do Not Define you.

Bullies may think they know you, and they may attempt to define who you are. But only you know the definition of who you are. By trying to tell you who you are, your bullies attempt to force you to replace your definition of yourself with theirs.

Moreover, they try to play God.

Also, your bullies want to force you to deny your beliefs and convictions. In that, they try to convince you to deny yourself.

They want you to think that what they did to you was all in your mind. Your bullies want you to live in a world of make-believe.

However, understand that to accept someone else’s definition of you, you must first discard your own. When you allow bullies to dictate your inner reality, you lose bits and pieces of yourself.

Also, little by little, you lose the awareness of your emotions each time you allow them to do it. Then, eventually you grow numb.

Some Things are off-Limits!

For example, when you cry about a legitimate hurt that cuts you to the core, bullies will often invalidate the pain you feel by replacing it with their perceptions of it.

They do it by making these biting statements.

  • “It isn’t that serious!”
  • “You’re too sensitive!”
  • “Oh, boo-friggin-hoo! You’re just a little crybaby trying to get attention!”
  • “Grow up!”
  • “Put your big-girl panties on!”
  • “Get over it!”

Understand that when you feel sadness, you feel sadness. When you’re angry, you’re angry. Therefore, you should allow yourself to feel those emotions. No one has a right to tell you how to feel. Ever!

6. Having the Courage to be Disliked:

No one can tell you how to feel.

In making these types of statements and accusations, bullies cause many victims to feel guilty for being a person. However, realize that bullies don’t see you as a person.

In other words, they don’t consider you as a human being with thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and convictions of your own. They see you as an abject – a robot they can control.

Bullies don’t see you as an independent and separate being. They see you as a subject who’s only here for their purpose, pleasure, and entertainment.

Therefore, in their minds, your sole purpose on earth is to make them feel powerful. Nothing more. So, instead of allowing you to own your truth, bullies will tell you what your truth should be. And they’ll force-feed it to you by cramming it down your throat.

Therefore, this is the kind of response you should expect from bullies.

7. You have a right to be your own person.

If you’re not careful, you’ll allow their statements to overtake you. In that, you’ll allow their perceptions to replace yours.

You’ll begin to see yourself through their eyes. And you’ll slowly lose sight of yourself until you don’t know who you are anymore.

Even worse, you’ll lose your intuition in bits and pieces. Eventually you won’t know when to protect yourself, because you’ll grow numb to the abuse.

Realize that this is how bullies and abusers train you not to defend yourself. And once they do, they then have you right where they want you.

This is how bullies slowly brainwash you to accept bigger abuses.

Having the Courage to be Disliked:

Never allow your bullies to destroy what matters.

Understand that you must muster the strength to withstand your bullies’ attacks. Do all you can to maintain your sense of self and refuse to accept your bullies’ definitions of you.

Never allow others to trick you into believing that they know you better than you know yourself. The truth is that you know yourself better than anyone else in the entire world.

Why? Because you’re the only one other than God who lives inside you.

However, realize that bullies are persistent. Therefore, you must maintain clarity of who you are. Your beliefs, convictions, likes, dislikes, preferences, authenticity, autonomy, and your ability to decide when something doesn’t feel good all add up to equal your truth.

Your self-definition, sense of self, self-belief, autonomy, confidence, and self-esteem are like precious gems. Therefore, you must guard them against thieves who wish to take them.

And you do it by refusing to accept other people’s opinions of you. You do it by realizing that you don’t need everyone to like you. So, hold onto your self-respect.

This post was all about having the courage to be disliked so that you can maintain your confidence and save your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

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The Importance of Forgiveness

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‘Want to know the importance of forgiveness? Here are all the reasons why you should forgive your bullies once you heal from bullying, and why it’s healthy to do so.

the importance of forgiveness

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Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the importance of forgiveness and why it will help you to move on to a happier life.

Once you learn all about this crucial step, you will be able to more easily forgive your bullies once you heal and move on to a happier and more rewarding life.

This post is all about the importance of forgiveness so that you can finally have peace.

The importance of Forgiveness

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive.  I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Therefore, if you’re one of those people, I do understand how you feel.

Sometimes, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. Again, completely understandable!

Only you can know when you’re ready. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay.

And it doesn’t mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you. Heavens, no! However, once you’ve healed and you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Here’s why it’s important to forgive.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness. It’s not about letting anyone off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate.

Because if you’re not careful, those raw feelings can hold you back. They can keep you stuck in a quagmire of negativity, and that’s no way to live.

Therefore, this message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready.

I can tell you this! For me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. Once you decide to let go and move on, there’s no better feeling!

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Hate keeps you trapped.

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. They may have exerted control over the years they bullied you. However, you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

Let me put it another way: holding onto anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you. Because the people you hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

While you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought.

So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind? Stop letting them live in your head rent-free!

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

If you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

You must heal before you can forgive

I understand because I’ve been there. People do things to you that are so bad that it sometimes takes years to forgive them. It’s why many people don’t go to their class reunions, company outings, and even family reunions.

When someone severely wrongs you, you don’t desire to see their face. You’re just damn glad they’re out of your life, and you just want to forget them.

When bullies have targeted you, it’s only natural to feel anger, resentment, and disgust toward them. Therefore, to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the pain and raw emotions.

In other words, never bury the pain. Never keep it stuffed down inside because you’re afraid to make anyone angry or uncomfortable.

Why? Because it will only fester if you do. You will only internalize everything you’ve been through.

Moreover, all that toxicity will come out sooner or later in either destructive rage or physical illness. In fact, it’s how many people suffer heart attacks and strokes.

So, take your time and feel your emotions as long as you need to. Just don’t stay in that dark place for long. Don’t set up your tent and live there!

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation, nor does it mean you can’t speak out about the abuse.

Be open about your anger and talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell them you’re pissed. Speak out about the abuse.

Whatever you do, get it out! And realize there will be people who won’t like it.

Understand that, in this world, some people won’t mind wiping their feet all over you. However, they get offended when you become angry about it and talk about it, or worse, tell them a thing or two!

There will be people who expect you to be okay with something they know damn good and well you wouldn’t be okay with if it were done to them.

The path to forgiving is letting it all out.

Therefore, tell those people to get lost because they don’t matter. What matters is that you care for yourself and put yourself first.

Why should you give a crap about their feelings? They never cared about yours. So, never let others make you feel guilty for speaking out and responding in kind!

Tell them how you feel and let it out. But do it constructively. Put some bass in your voice. Be firm, but don’t yell. A certain amount of cursing is expected when you’re pushed too far.

But don’t drop any F-bombs. Raise your voice if you need to, but don’t scream and yell. Screaming and yelling will only incite toxic people to push your buttons to see you react. Then they’ll go tell everyone who’ll listen that you’re “mentally unstable.”

So, go somewhere private and cry if you need to. Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you’re a human being with feelings.

Do whatever you must do to get it off your chest. Why? Because the sooner you can process those bad feelings, the sooner you can forgive and move on to a better life.

Once you get it all out, you will heal. Then, once you heal, you will be able to forgive. As a result, you’ll find a peace you’ve never known.

Moreover, you can find outlets for it through things like writing books and blogs, music, art, and other creative works. Doing constructive things like these will give you closure

 The Importance of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness doesn’t mean foolishness.

In other words, it doesn’t mean you must let them back into your life. Why? Because some people will never be worthy of your trust.

Again, healthy forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what they did to you was okay. Far from it. What it means is that you refuse to let those who transgressed against you set up camp in your mind.

It means that you refuse to hold onto grudges that may block you from your rightful blessings. In this, you make room for growth and success.

However, too many people think that forgiveness means that you must become buddy-buddy with the person. They then wonder why they keep getting hurt.

Realize that bullies only see forgiveness as a weakness and stupidity. They view forgiveness as a green light to continue their abuse.

Understand that some people think that forgiveness means that you’re okay with it and always will be.

Therefore, you must realize that forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to interact with the person who did you wrong. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you continue to be someone’s fool.

You can forgive someone and still realize that they’re no good. Toxic people are dead weight and, though you may forgive them, you realize that it’s still best to keep them at arm’s length.

You’re strong enough to forgive but wise enough to avoid toxic people.

You avoid them because you realize that these people will only take your forgiveness for foolishness. Therefore, because they have a history of pushing your boundaries, you’re forgiving, yet assertive.

Forgiveness is great because it gives you peace of mind. Moreover, you’re doing what God commands you to do. Besides, how can God forgive us of our trespasses against Him if we don’t first forgive others of their wrongs against us?

Forgive, but forgive wisely. If you continue to allow these people to have a place in your life, they will only continue to take advantage of you.

You don’t have to be mean to or mistreat them, but no law says you have to trust them again. You shouldn’t; you must forgive from afar. Regardless of your situation, forgiveness is the key to overcoming bullying.

This post was all about the importance of forgiveness so that you can feel better about forgiving your bullies once you’re ready.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

2. Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips

3. Glimmers: How You Can Use Them to Heal from Bullying

bullying and personal responsibility at work

Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

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‘Want to know about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety? Here are all the reasons you must know.

bullying and personal responsibility

Photos from Canva

Bullying and personal responsibility go hand in hand when victims and targets defend themselves against bullying. Why? Because they’re taking responsibility for their safety.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and personal responsibility and why you should take responsibility for your own safety instead of relying too much on someone coming to rescue you.

Once you learn all these important facts, you will feel free to stand up to bullies on your own if you’ve reported bullying and been ignored.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you can stop depending on people in authority who refuse to help you and take control of the situation.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility

If you’re a target of bullying, you have every right to be angry. Your bullies have slowly, over time, stolen your life from you.

Moreover, they have brainwashed you into believing that you aren’t worthy of respect, love, or friendship. Moreover, they’ve sabotaged your ability to get a date and to have happiness and success.

In essence, they have psychologically and maybe even physically bludgeoned you. They may have even taken away your opportunities by the lies and rumors they spread to keep you down.

Bullies not only sabotage your relationships, but they also wreak havoc on your opportunities and life chances. They turn everyone against you. Moreover, these are people who would otherwise be good friends and associates.

Your bullies have sucked the life out of you. As a result, you’ve become a shell of your former self. All because your bullies have held you emotionally hostage for so many years

You’ve tried many times to report the bullying. However, most of the people who have the power to help you refuse to listen to you.

These people could be your teachers, principal, supervisor, or your HR manager. Whoever they are, they don’t want to help you. Or worse, they may have sided with the bullies and blamed you.

Therefore, isn’t it time that you got pissed and took your life back? Of course it is! However, you must use the anger constructively.

You see? Bullies are waiting for you to screw up. They know that sometimes, it’s too easy to do or say something out of emotion. And it can get you into a ton of trouble.

That’s what your bullies are looking for. Therefore, they push your buttons in hopes that you will react by doing/saying something foolish. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

1. No one else is coming to rescue you. Your safety is on you.

Life is but a vapor, and we only get one chance in this world. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to make that chance count.

If bullies make a derogatory statement to you. It’s up to you to counter that statement. Therefore, start today by countering every negative statement your bullies may throw at you.

Tell yourself that you are awesome. Also, tell yourself that you’re a trooper and you deserve much better than the shit people have been giving you.

Become a force to be reckoned with. Stand up and let these confidence thieves know that they have no control over your life and they no longer have an effect on you. Reclaim your power and do it NOW!

If you’re a victim of bullying, can you truly and totally rely on people in authority to help you? Can you rely on them to do something about the bullying you suffer?

Moreover, can you depend on them to hold your bullies accountable for their horrible behavior? Can you rely on others to bring you justice?

The answer is a resounding NO!

2. You cannot legislate bullying out of Bullies.

In other words, you cannot pass laws against it and think that it will go away. Passing laws against bullying will get a lot of innocent victims of it in trouble.

I used to be all about laws against bullying. And yes, the idea sounds great. I won’t pretend it doesn’t.

However, I’m beginning to gravitate away from making bullying a crime. Why? Because most people aren’t going to protect targets until it happens to them or one of theirs.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

3. Anti-Bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.

You cannot rely too much on policies. Why? Because they have no teeth!

Schools and workplaces can write all the anti-bullying rules and policies they want. But, until they enforce those policies, they’re only as cheap as the ink and paper administrators use to make them.

In other words, what good are laws and policies if these entities don’t enforce them? And, at what point do we stop relying on the system to protect us and begin protecting ourselves?

Understand that, no matter what anyone says, you don’t have to put up with anyone else’s crap. Therefore, it’s up to you to stand up to bullies and do it properly.

And if defending yourself doesn’t work, you have the option to remove yourself from the situation and environment.

We Must Learn to Take Care of Ourselves

Here’s another reason I’m gravitating away from making bullying a crime. It’s because most seasoned bullies have ways of making innocent targets look like the bullies.

Therefore, if lawmakers make bullying an imprisonable crime, many innocent targets would end up behind bars. Because, again, bullies, especially those with NPD, have a flair for flipping the script and, very convincingly, painting their victim as the bad guy.

Too many targets have been conditioned to think that self-defense is wrong. It isn’t!

And the people who condition these victims are often bullies themselves. Therefore, if bullies target you for bullying, you must know your enemies. You must do a lot of study and research on bullies, then use the knowledge you gain to outmaneuver them.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Do Your Own Investigation

Also, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. That means detailed documentation.

Moreover, you may need to use the last resort and bust the bully in the mouth if all else fails and the bully tries to physically attack you. It’s the only way you can effectively defend yourself.

Remember! Most school officials, parents, and even law enforcement don’t realize the daily horrors that victims endure.

Moreover, bullies are slick! They are experts at deceiving authority and making their victims look like the guilty party.

It takes more than simply reporting incidents of bullying to school staff and authorities. Why? Because in most cases, people in power will only rebuff or blame you for the torment.

These are only a few reasons why it is so important that you keep a daily journal if you are ever targeted by bullies.

You Must Document Every Bullying Incident in Detail.

In other words, keep a daily journal and write down what happened in full detail. Moreover, when you write about it, use the 5W Method.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

What is the 5W Method?

When you use the 5W Method, you record what, who, when, where, and why. Sometimes, you must also record how it happened. The trick is to write down every detail you can.

Using the 5W Method helps you do that.

1. What

Write down what happened… in detail. Describe the attack exactly as it happened. Also, do it while it’s still fresh in your memory.

2. Who

Write down the names of the bullies – the people involved in the attack. Moreover, record the names of any bystanders and witnesses. These people will be anyone present when your bullies attack you.

3. When

Jot down the exact time and date when the provocation occurred.

4. Where

Write down the place the altercation occurred. For example, if the bullying attack happened at school, did it happen in the bathroom?

If so, write down that you were in the bathroom when it happened.

5. Why

If your bully attacked you because you reported a prior bullying incident, write that down. This is super important!

6. If need be, write down how it happened.

The more details you can give, the better!

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Record every Bullying incident, no matter how subtle.

Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out! Even if the attacks are seen as minor, such as snickering when you walk into the room, you must still record it in your journal.

I can’t stress this enough- keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats, and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Journals are the best way for victims to protect themselves. Also, they’re admissible in court. Therefore, you’ll have a record to present to a judge if you need to take legal action.

When I was in school, I kept a journal of the bullying I suffered, and I still have some of the material today. In fact, it helped me to write my book, “From Victim to Victor,” and tell the story of how I was bullied by my classmates.

Keep your Bullying Journal Private.

This is a must! Bullies are notorious for snooping through their victim’s belongings. Also, they’ll destroy your property. Therefore, keep your journal at home and write in it as soon as you get home.

 This should go without saying; you certainly wouldn’t want the wrong people to find it. Because if they do, your bullies will destroy your evidence. Also, they will retaliate against you for having it in the first place.

Again, keep it at home!

Wear a Body Camera or Keep a Digital Recorder on you and record the bullying.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best, but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

Bullying and Personal Responsibility:

Save any mean or threatening emails, Texts, social media posts, comments, or private messages on three or more different thumb Drives.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened, and you want to take precautions.

In Conclusion

You are responsible for your safety. When you suffer bullying, it’s up to you to do your own investigation and gather your own evidence.

The last thing you should do is depend on anyone else. Report the bullying, yes. However, if the school or company doesn’t do anything about it. Then, you must do what you have to do to build your own case.

This post is all about bullying and personal responsibility so that you’ll know exactly what to do if you ever encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

healing from bullying as an adult

Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips

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Would you like to know the best things you can do when healing from bullying? Here are 11 ways to do it that so many other survivors and I swear by.

healing from bullying

Photo from Canva

Bullying is very traumatic and impacts self-esteem; it often takes many years to heal. People who’ve never endured bullying cannot comprehend how it can change your life.

The good thing about leaving a toxic environment is that once you’re gone, you can begin healing and rebuilding your life. However, in many cases, it’s easier said than done.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the best ways of healing from bullying so that you can begin rebuilding your life and take back your power.

Once you learn all about these important techniques, you will be compelled to put them to work for you and begin putting the pieces back together again. In that, you will eventually get back to the happier life you once knew.

This post is all about healing from bullying so that you can start anew and look forward to a beautiful future!

Healing from Bullying

Healing for bullying can be difficult and may take years. However, with these eight tips, you’ll heal more quickly and more successfully.

Here are eight things you can do that can help you heal quicker.

1. Seek Therapy.

I realize that there’s a certain amount of stigma that goes with it. However, getting therapy is the best and most important thing you can do for yourself.

You must do what you must do to take care of yourself. So, don’t concern yourself with the opinions of others.

People are going to have something to say whether you do or you don’t. Therefore, do what’s best for you and to hell with them.

2. Healing from Bullying:

Rest.

When you’re fresh out of a bullying environment, you’ll more than likely be exhausted. Therefore, get plenty of sleep.

Also, take some quiet time for yourself. Go on a walk in the park on a beautiful day, or take a pajama day. Get all the rest you can get for a few days.

3. Music.

Music is therapy in itself. Once you’ve got plenty of rest, put in some easy listening for relaxation. Also, you can play some slow jams like TLC or Keith Sweat.

Or, you can pop in some dance grooves and rock and roll to make you dance. There’s nothing that lifts the mood like shaking your booty around the house to Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul.

 Moreover, you could rock out to some Van Halen, Judas Priest, or Def Leppard. Whatever your taste in music, you’ll feel much better when you do. So, get out those CD’s or stream some music on your computer.

4. Healing from Bullying:

Lean on the people who love you.

One of the most important things you need is a network of friends and loved ones who support you. Especially when you’re recovering from bullying!

Therefore, keep company with the people who uplift you, love you, and make you feel good. It’ll help you salvage the confidence you’ve lost.

5. Do things you enjoy most.

Indulge in your hobbies and favorite activities. Hobbies allow us to be creative. Therefore, if you create, you feel accomplished! So, rake in those little successes!

It’s those tiny little wins that will make you feel so much better!

6. Exercise.

Exercise is a major stress-buster. Moreover, you can get rid of all that negative energy like anger and depression by sweating it out in the gym or at home, to a workout video.

Whatever strikes your fancy, get moving and exercise! It will make you feel so much better!

7. Healing from Bullying:

Forgive.

Forgiving anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy. However, it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

I’m probably going to piss a few people off with this.  In fact, there was once a time I would get angry any time someone advised me to forgive my bullies.

However, since then, I’ve discovered that forgiveness is how we heal.

I do understand if you aren’t ready. Sometimes you must heal before you can forgive. Therefore, take time to process the abuse you suffered and recover first. Only you know when you’re ready.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did to you is okay. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you have to be friends with the person who wronged you. You don’t have to let them back into your life if you don’t want to.

It’s totally up to you.

If you don’t trust the person, that’s okay too. Some people, you can never trust, and you must forgive them from afar. However, do forgive them. It will help you more than you know.

8. Take a trip.

After being in a toxic environment for so long, you may need to get away for a while. Therefore, visit a family member in another state.

You can also embark on a camping trip in the mountains. Or, you can hit the beach and relax in the sun as you listen to the sounds of seagulls and crashing waves.

Whether you prefer a tropical island or an Alaskan getaway, you’ll return home feeling much better!

9. Healing from Bullying:

Treat yourself to a day or night out with the guys or gals.

You and your pals could go to a concert or out to lunch or dinner. Maybe you can go window shopping or to a bar and listen to a live band. In other words, don’t isolate yourself.

Get out and have fun. Because sometimes it pays to go out and paint the town red!

Just go easy on the drinks. Alcohol is a depressant! Moreover, if you must have a few drinks, don’t forget to have a designated driver handy.

Healing can take a while to do and may also take much work. But in the end, it’ll be worth it!

10. Treat yourself to a pampering session.

What is a pampering session? It can be anything, from a facial to a pedicure. Moreover, you can treat yourself to a manicure or a new hairdo.

Maybe you’re the type who likes a deep massage in a spa. Also, you can treat yourself to the works – all of the above! Some spas will give you the royal treatment for a nice discount!

If you’re a little low on funds, you can also give yourself a pampering session at home. For example, you could buy some bath bombs and treat yourself to a relaxing soak in the bathtub.

Or, you can give yourself a pedicure. All you need is a small tub and some warm water to soak your feet in. Also, you can use a pumice stone, foot file, and cuticle stick to remove dead skin and rough spots from your feet and toes.

To top it off, you can paint your toenails. Whatever you like to do, practice self-care. It will make a big difference in how you feel!

11. Healing from Bullying:

Protect and defend yourself from those who wish to harm you.

This means protecting your mind and spirit from attacks as well as your body. If someone attacks you verbally, no matter how subtle the attacks may be, you have a right to respond in kind.

If some creep tries to use physical violence against you, by all means, fight back! The point is to set boundaries! And, if you need to, enforce those boundaries!

Say no. Moreover, call out anyone who tries to abuse you. Whatever you do, never take abuse lying down. Ever!

Remember that you teach people how to treat you by what you put up with. Therefore, if someone violates your boundaries in any way, call it out. Tell that person, in no uncertain terms, to stop it now!

Let them know that you won’t tolerate bad behavior from anyone. Do what you must do to defend yourself from bullying and abuse.

Remember that you have just as much of a right to safety, respect, and dignity as the next person. Therefore, defend yourself as you would your best friend!

In fact, be your own best friend! Let no one disrupt your peace. Moreover, don’t allow anyone to stand in the way of your healing!

In Conclusion:

Self-care is the most important thing you can do for yourself.  Moreover, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential, especially when you’re healing from bullying!

Be prepared for naysayers to tell you that you’re being selfish for taking care of yourself. However, don’t you believe it for a second!

Everyone has a right to take care of themselves. That includes you! Therefore, love yourself enough to put yourself first.

Because, baby! You’re worth it!

This post is all about healing from bullying and ways to do it so that you can recover without any disruptions and take your power back!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Practicing Self-Care When People Bully You: 10 Ways to Give Yourself Compassion

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

5. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What