Have you ever gotten a bully apology letter? Here are three ways to know if your bully is sincere with their apologies.
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It is rare that bullies ever apologize for abusing you. However, a few do. Therefore, I continue to have hope for them.
I’ve gotten face-to-face apologies from a few of my former bullies. And I’m glad to say that these apologies were sincere. Later on, I’ll tell you how I knew.
In this post, you will learn about the bully apology letter and how to know if it’s sincere.
Once you learn the difference between a real and fake apology, you will be able to decide whether to accept it.
This post is all about the bully apology letter so that you know when to accept it and when not to. Moreover, you can finally find closure to a traumatic part of your life and move on.
Bully Apology Letter
I never got a bully apology letter. However, a few of my former bullies did apologize to me (to my face) for the way they treated me. And I appreciate it.
Moreover, I knew those apologies were sincere because those who apologized never tried to shift blame. There was no “but” in the apologies they gave me.
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you, but…”
There was none of that. They took full responsibility. And for that, they earned my respect. However, I was lucky.
Most bullies don’t apologize. And if they do, there’s always a but. Then they shift blame. The majority of my bullies haven’t apologized, and that’s okay. But a few have, and that’s enough. I accept their apologies because I know they were sincere.
Therefore, here’s how to tell whether a bully’s apology is real. It’s how I knew.
How to Know Your Bully’s Apology is real or Fake
To know when an apology is real means knowing when one is fake. Therefore, I’ll list the signs of fake apologies first.
How to know when an apology is fake.
Here are the warning signs of fake apologies.
Bully Apology Letter:
1. They shift blame.
For example, “I’m sorry I lost my temper and called you a (insert name here), but you…”
If nothing else, know this right now. An apology that includes blame is not real. It’s fake. So, take it with a grain of salt.
If you know you didn’t do or say anything to make the bully behave the way they did, you don’t have to accept it. Just walk away.
2. They make Excuses.
In these types of apologies, there’s always an excuse.
“I’m sorry I went off on you, but I was having a bad day.”
Now, before we go any further, this can be a legitimate excuse. We all have bad days and get irritable. We snap at people, especially the ones we love.
Also, we may say things we don’t mean. Therefore, we apologize later and may say that we’re going through a hard time.
However, bullies use it to excuse their behavior.
The good news is that you can figure this out by considering their past behavior. If the bully has used this excuse before and continues to treat you terribly, you know their apology isn’t sincere.
Therefore, consider context. Look at the pattern. Have they done the same in the past? And did the behavior continue?
Answering these questions will help you decide if the bully is truly sorry or only trying to relieve themselves of guilt.
Bully Apology Letter:
3. They’re worried about looking bad.
If a bully apologizes only to save face, the apology is fake. When someone says that they’re sorry, they should mean it.
And the reason should be that they acknowledge that they hurt you and want to make amends. How they look in public should be a non-issue.
Being sorry isn’t to protect one’s image. It’s to right a wrong and restore good feelings of trust.
4. The apology is forced.
For example, you’re a kid in school and your bully attacks you with name-calling and put-downs. A teacher overhears it. They intervene and send the bully to the principal’s office.
After the principal scolds the bully harshly, he orders them to apologize to you. So, the bully tells you he’s sorry, but he does so begrudgingly.
You can hear the resentment in his voice when he apologizes. Situations like this happened a lot with bullies when I was in school.
School staff would order them to apologize to me. And they complied. However, their voices only dripped with sarcasm, or worse – resentment.
And I saw right through it. Therefore, I didn’t take it seriously. And neither should you. In fact, I resented the hell out of it because I knew it was fake. They were only doing it to keep their ass out of hot water.
Bully Apology Letter:
5. They continue their behavior.
When a person apologizes to you, then goes back to mistreating you, that tells you they never meant it. They were only trying not to look bad in public. Or they did it hoping to get something from you.
Whatever the reason, the apology is false. And you should take it with a grain of salt.
How to Know the Apology is Real
Here’s how to know an apology is sincere.
1. There’s no blame-Shifting.
The person owns up to their behavior. And they do it without blaming you. They don’t follow the apology with a “but.” They only want to apologize to make things right.
2. They don’t make excuses.
They admit they were wrong, and they make an effort not to do it again. They may tell you that they were going through a hard time. However, they tell you that it isn’t an excuse and admit they were wrong.
And the real tell is that they change their behavior and make an effort not to do it again. In other words, they begin treating you a lot better than before.
Bully Apology Letter:
3. They’re not doing it to look good.
The person who gives you a real apology isn’t worried about how they look to others. In fact, that never even crosses their mind.
Again, they’re trying to right a wrong. And they feel terrible about the way they treated you. Therefore, they want to make it up to you. Why?
Because they value you as a person and care about your feelings. They also want to restore love and good feelings.
4. No one has to force them to apologize to you.
Sincere apologies come without force. No one has to remind the person to tell you they’re sorry. They do it of their own free will.
In short, they apologize because they want to. Therefore, they make amends out of the desire to do the right thing and patch things up.
A sincere person will validate your feelings. They won’t trivialize them. When someone apologizes and considers your feelings, that’s when you know they’re for real.
When an apology is sincere, you can feel it.
5. They change their behavior.
You’ll notice they begin treating you better. They will avoid mistreating you again.
Bully Apology Letter:
In Conclusion
It’s rare when a bully apologizes. Most of the time, it’s the victim who apologizes unnecessarily to the bully. But when a bully does apologize, you must decide if they mean it or not.
A person with a sincere apology openly acknowledges that they were wrong. They’re big enough to name what they did wrong without blame or excuses. Moreover, they allow you to talk about how their behavior impacted you without interrupting you.
They also admit that they were wrong and then try to change their behavior. Let’s do a quick recap. Here’s how to know your bully’s apology is sincere:
- There’s no blame-shifting.
- They don’t make excuses.
- They don’t apologize to look good.
- No one has to force them to apologize to you.
- They change their behavior.
A heartfelt apology, whether spoken or written, can smooth over relationships and bring closure to abuse. Moreover, it can bring forgiveness and repair relationships.
This post was all about the bully apology letter and the spoken apology. Also, it was about the difference between a real and fake apology so that you can distinguish between them and decide whether to accept it or not.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
2. Open Letter to Bullies: From One who Overcame
3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For
