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how to take back your power from someone

How to Take Back Your Power: 11 Things You Can Do NOW!

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‘Want to learn how to take back your power? Here are nine ways to re-empower yourself that you need to know about.

how to take back your power

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Everyone wants to have power. It’s human nature to seek control. Because to be completely powerless is the perfect description of hell.

However, bullies can strip you of your power. And if you no longer have control, you are powerless.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to take back your power and reclaim control of your life.

Once you learn all about this vital information, you will be a powerful force in your own life. You will regain your freedom and autonomy. Then you will be able to live your life as you see fit.

This post is all about how to take back your power so that you can overcome bullying and live your life on your terms.

How to Take back Your Power

Everyone wants power, if only a little of it. And sadly, bullies have ways of taking away your power.

Consequently, when a person is powerless, they live their life on autopilot. Figuratively, they’re only a leaf being blown around in the wind. They’re a sailboat without a sail, being blown on whatever course life dictates for them.

And it’s a terrible way to live. Without power, you don’t live. You only exist!

Please take a moment to reflect on this. To have power over nothing! Can you imagine it? It’s hard to. It’s the worst thing that could happen to you!

two types of power.

Personal Power

In her book, “The Abusive Relationship,” Patricia Evans categorizes power into two categories: personal power and power over.

Personal power is the ability to influence the trajectory of your life. In other words, it’s the ability to influence the events that happen in your life.

It’s the power to direct your path- to choose your wants. With personal power, you have the agency to make your own decisions. Therefore, be the captain of your own ship.

Granted, there’s no way we can control every aspect of our lives. Some things are out of our hands, no matter how powerful we are. For example, you can’t control the behavior of toxic people around you. But you can limit your association with them. In some situations, you can even cut off contact.

How to Take Back Your power:

Examples of Personal Power

Most people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. They feel powerful through their accomplishments. In other words, they get their power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

People who aren’t bullies derive their sense of power from achieving success in their jobs. Moreover, they feel powerful from having successful home lives. They may have a loving family and a happy home.

Therefore, they take great pride in their families.

Their power may also stem from their talents, financial resources, and physical well-being. This is why people start their businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they aren’t afraid to display their talents and gifts.

For instance, a husband and father derives his sense of power from his ability to provide for and care for his wife and children. A writer derives her sense of power from her writing and the ability to achieve a readership.

A comedian gets his sense of power from doing stand-up comedy and his ability to make people laugh. A singer derives her sense of power from her ability to entertain people with her beautiful voice.

An athlete gets his sense of power through competing in and winning at a sport. Additionally, students gain a sense of power through achieving exceptional grades and earning their diplomas and degrees.

But what do all these people have in common? It’s that they can all achieve their power without stepping on others.

Therefore, understand that getting power doesn’t always require hurting others. And there are no winners and losers. There’s equality, cooperation, and mutual respect. This kind of power is known as personal power.

Personal power is real power!

How to Take Back Your Power:

Power Over

Power over violates boundaries. The exertion of control over another person through force, coercion, or deception. Power over has no respect for your right to direct the course of your own life.

In fact, it might even disrespect your right to exist. It only means to oppress you or kill you.

Examples of power over

  • Bullies.
  • Abusive spouses.
  • Tyrannical bosses and teachers.
  • Dictators.

Bullies use Power OVER.

When bullies target you for bullying, they find ways of stripping you of your power. Most do this bit by bit.

In other words, they gradually escalate the attacks until they leave you utterly powerless. However, there are simple methods you can use to reclaim your power and feel more in control of your circumstances.

How to Take Back Your Power:

11 Ways You can get your power back

There are several ways you can take back your power. Here’s a list of things you can do right now.

1. Have a strong set of beliefs and principles.

When you have a strong set of beliefs and principles, you’re least likely to fall for any lies and name-calling that your bullies bombard you with. Therefore, you’re least likely to allow them to influence how you see yourself.

Moreover, you won’t make decisions and choices based on their approval. Instead, you will do what you know is best for you and what makes you feel most alive.

2. Be okay with who you are.

Realize that you are perfect just the way God made you. However, know that it’s okay if you want to improve yourself. There’s nothing wrong with becoming a better version of yourself because there’s always room for improvement.

And this goes for everyone. The problem arises when others’ opinions of you alter the way you perceive yourself.

Never put yourself down because bullies and others are putting you down. No matter what they say or how they act toward you, don’t lose sight of your worth.

Continue to value yourself and refrain from thinking that you should be like someone else. You are you. Be okay with it. Practice self-acceptance and self-love while you improve.

How to Take Back Your Power:

3. Follow your goals and dreams.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

But be prepared for others to resist your positive change.

Get ready for bullies to notice the positive change in you and resist it. How will they do this?  They’ll intensify their attacks.

They’ll ridicule the positive changes you make. Additionally, they may bring up your past.

However, realize that they will do these things because the new you will threaten their power. Moreover, the new, happier, and more confident you will be something that your bullies won’t be used to seeing.

How to Take Back Your Power:

4. Replace negative self-talk with that which is positive.

In other words, stop beating yourself up. Realize that your bullies and abusers have conned you into believing that you aren’t good enough.

But you are good enough, and you’re just as worthy as the next Joe Schmo. Instead of saying to yourself, “I’ll never be good enough,” say, “I AM good enough now, and I’m only going to get better.”

5. Walk away from toxic people.

Toxic people only want to bring you down and keep you there. These people are bullies and abusers. However, they can also be fakes who pose as your friends.

Therefore, know that anyone who even subtly insults you doesn’t deserve one microsecond of your time. You’d much rather be alone than with fake friends who throw zingers and backhanded compliments at you.

You’ll be much happier without them. So, be patient, and better friends will come along. I promise you!

How to Take Back Your Power:

6. Get healthy.

When you’re healthy, you’re happy. Get outside and get some sunlight.  Don’t forget to exercise. I promise you that you’ll feel so much better! Also, you’ll have more of your power.

Taking these steps may feel strange at first. Trying new things always does. However, with time, it will become like second nature, and you will feel so much better about yourself.

You’ll feel stronger, more confident, and freer!

Moreover, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your life will improve!

7. Expose the bullies by reporting them to a manager or a school staff member.

Understand that bullies and their followers may call you a snitch. However, when it comes to your safety, you’re not being a snitch.

You’re only trying to protect yourself by involving the teacher or supervisor. This may or may not work. However, it’s always wise to report the bully if you’re unable to handle it on your own.

Maybe you’re a petite 5’4″, 110-pound female being bullied at work by a 6’4″, 225-pound gargantuan male. In cases like these, report it to a supervisor, manager, or the police, if necessary.

How to Take Back Your Power:

8. Turn your pain into power.

You can take any abuse you suffer and use it to benefit others. That’s a success! And it’s the best poke in the eye and slap in the face to your bullies and abusers.

I say this because I receive plenty of pushback from a few of my old friends from way back when. Think about this. If you speak your truth and your former abusers lash back, it’s because they know they’re guilty.

If they weren’t guilty, they wouldn’t care so much. Also, if your voice wasn’t so powerful and you weren’t telling the truth, your bullies wouldn’t push back so hard.

The reason why you’ve probably gotten a few nasty or threatening messages is that your former abusers know you’re telling the truth. And they’re scared to death that you’ll expose them.

here’s another interesting point you probably haven’t thought of.

Your bullies are probably angry that they failed to accomplish their objective. And that objective was to destroy your life.

In other words, they expected you to drown. They just knew you’d crash and burn, and you didn’t!

Therefore, that’s a huge disappointment to them. It’s a blow to their overinflated egos! And now, they’re coming back to try and finish the job.

Therefore, you should welcome their resentment. Why? Because it only shows that they’re desperate.

Another way to do it is to stop calling yourself a victim and refer to yourself as a target.

How to Take Your Power Back:

9. Be successful!

Success is the best revenge against bullies. Therefore, work on your goals and pursue your dreams. Go after the life you want!

Then watch your bullies lose their minds as you achieve success after success!

10. Set And ENFORCE firm boundaries.

This is most important! If someone gets in your face, look them dead in the eyes and tell them to back up. If they don’t, you have the right to haul off and give them the business end of your fist.

Understand that, anytime a hostile person gets that close to you, their next step will be to attack you physically. In cases like this, offense is the best defense. Therefore, knock them back a few steps.

And if a bully starts verbally abusing you, tell them to get a life.

Understand that you have the right to have boundaries and enforce them if necessary. Why? Because, without boundaries, others won’t respect you. Instead, they will steamroll you every chance they get.

How to Take Back Your Power:

11. Do the things that make you feel alive.

In other words, indulge in your hobbies.

This post was all about how to Take Back your power so that you can overcome bullying and take control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When Bullies Lose Power Over You: 4 Things that Happen

2. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

3. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

how to counter bullying in schools

How to Counter Bullying: 7 Tips to Handle Attacks from a Bully

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Sadly, most victims don’t know how to counter bullying. Here, you’ll discover all the tips you need to know to boomerang your bullies’ attacks.

how to counter bullying

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If you don’t know how to counter bullying, you put yourself at the mercy of those who want to harm you. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deflect bullying to protect your self-esteem.

Once you learn all these crucial tips, you will stand strong when your bullies attack you, and you won’t be such an easy target.

This post will teach you how to counter bullying so that you can maintain your confidence even in the face of evil people.

How to Counter bullying

Countering bullying means maintaining a healthy and positive sense of self.

It means refusing to accept your bullies’ assaults on your pride and dignity, no matter how powerful they are. After all, they’re only people just like you.

Countering a bully means being able to withstand the attacks. Why? Because bullies will launch a barrage of them on your humanity, personhood, and character. Therefore, you must be ready.

Moreover, countering bullying means not letting them persuade you into thinking that they know you better than you do yourself. It means being self-aware.

It means knowing who you are. You know you’re a great person who doesn’t deserve shabby treatment. Therefore, you have a vision of your value as a human being.

When you know who you are, you’ll avoid toxicity.

You keep company only with strong people who are positive influences in your life. You’ll only associate with people who consistently validate and affirm your positive qualities.

You realize the good that you bring to this world. Therefore, you won’t settle for fake friends who don’t appreciate you.

How to Counter Bullying:

You’ll stand up to bullies.

Then, when a bully tells you that you’re ugly, ignorant, evil, or unhinged, you can stand with confidence. And you can say, “No, I’m not. You are.”

Then, you can walk away with more pride in yourself because you stood up to them.

Many targets fall for the garbage bullies feed them. Why? Because there’s more to countering the attacks than words or fists. It also involves self-belief.

Most targets, sad to say, are either insecure in themselves. They may also become so because they allowed bullies to make them that way.

They do as I did in the earliest stages of bullying. They ignore the attacks without responding or fighting back. And we know how that usually ends.

Maintaining confidence and a healthy sense of self is the very foundation of self-defense. Always remember that. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

So, what are the 7 tips you can use to handle bullying?

1. Know who you are.

When you know who you are, no bully’s name-calling and personal attacks can faze you. Why? Because you know you aren’t what they call you.

Anyone who knows who they are believes in themselves. Therefore, they won’t internalize the ugly names. And they won’t let bullies destroy their confidence.

If anything, they’ll only laugh when bullies try to insult them.

How to Counter Bullying:

2. Know where the attacks come from.

When bullies attack, their taunts and insults usually come from insecurity. Bullies bully mostly to cover their own shortcomings.

What better way to take attention off your own flaws than to point out someone else’s? Right? It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book.

Knowing your bullies’ backgrounds always helps. For instance, if your bully comes from an abusive household, then you can feel sorry for them instead of hating them.

Or, if your bully comes from a family of criminals, you then know why they behave as they do. Believe it or not, this can be a huge self-esteem booster!

3. Use short, calm responses.

The key to countering bullying is to stay calm. And use short responses. One-word comebacks are best. However, you can use up to seven words. Why?

Because when you use short responses, you send your bullies the unspoken message that they aren’t worth the extra verbiage. And you refuse to waste your breath on the likes of them.

This takes the wind right out of the bullies’ sails. Why? Because they were expecting an emotional reaction. But you didn’t give them one.

Here are a few responses you can use:

  • “Whatever.”
  • “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
  • “Too bad.”
  • “That’s your opinion.”
  • “That’s your problem, not mine.”
  • “You seem angry.”
  • “You’re not a happy person, are you?”
  • “I feel sorry for you.”
  • “I pity you.”
  • “You poor thing.”

However, for these comebacks to work, you must say it calmly. For more good roasts, go here.

How to Counter Bullying:

4. Do something to trigger YOUR bully.

It’s easier than you think. For instance, all you have to do is smile at them, and this will be enough. Why? Because your bully will probably snap at you.

“What the hell are you smiling at?”

“What the f*** are you looking at?”

The bully may sound intimidating. But keep smiling like you know something they don’t. Why? Because it will drive them up the wall.

And they will keep lashing out. This is how you get them to expose themselves.

5. Use their behavior against them.

When a bully is shouting and cursing you out in front of an audience, it’s easy to get emotional. Moreover, it’s tempting to shout and curse back. But don’t.

Instead, you can stand there calmly and look at them like they’ve lost their ever-loving mind. Don’t move; just stand there and stare at them.

This will shock the hell out of them. Why? Because, again, they want you to react. They want you to get emotional. But you don’t. And they don’t understand why.

I did that to a bully once, when I was in my twenties. They were screaming at me like a banshee and cursing like a sailor. And I just stood there and looked at them like they were nuts.

Then the bully paused and yelled, “What the f*** are you doing!” I just turned and walked away laughing.

What you’re trying to do here is to get them to expose themselves. Moreover, you’re looking to shock them.

When you use this little trick, you make them look unhinged. Again, stay calm when you use this trick.

How to Counter Bullying:

6. Walk away.

Walking away doesn’t make you a coward. It simply means that you refuse to listen to any more of the bullies’ crap. So, you remove yourself from the drama.

Understand that you don’t have to stand there and take their shit. And if you aren’t the type that likes to fight, this is the best way to handle it.

However, if you walk away, watch your back. Bullies are cowards. And they might attack you after you turn your back. So, if you decide to walk away, do so with caution.

7. Make friends with other victims.

Remember that bullies run in packs and they like to catch you when you’re alone. However, when you align yourself with other victims, you create a team that backs you.

Why? Because they’ve been bullied by the same people as you. That means you all have something in common. Moreover, you share an intense dislike for the bullies.

Nothing unites people faster than a shared hatred of something. Therefore, this dislike will tighten your bonds with one another.

And the best part is, this keeps the bullies away. Why? Because bullies know there’s strength in numbers. So, they’re least likely to come for you if you’re in a group.

BONUS ANSWERS

How to Counter BULLYING:

8. Spend time with those who love you. 

When you spend quality time with those who love you, it helps to keep your confidence up. Why? Because these people will help reinforce your self-belief.

They care for you. Therefore, they’ll praise you for all that you’ve accomplished. In fact, they’ll compliment you simply because you’re you.

Therefore, these positive reinforcements will help to counter any psychological abuse your bullies may inflict.

9. If you have to defend yourself physically, do it!

Remember that bullies only understand strength, especially physical bullies. Therefore, if someone physically attacks you, you have the right to defend yourself.

If someone hits you first, hit them back and do it harder than they hit you. I don’t care what the school or other institution tells you.

I can tell you that if I were in a physical situation, I’d take a suspension before I’d risk lying in a hospital emergency room.

So, do whatever it takes to keep them from hurting you.

How to counter bullying:

In Conclusion

Countering bullying is easier than it seems. Let’s do a recap on all the ways you can do so.

  • Know who you are.
  • Know where the attacks come from.
  • Use short, calm responses.
  • Do something to trigger your bully.
  • Use their behavior against them.
  • Walk away.
  • Make friends with other victims.

Bonus Answers

  • Spend time with those who love you.
  • If you have to defend yourself physically, do it!

If you use these tips long enough, your bullies will eventually see that you’re too much trouble. And they’ll leave you alone and find an easier target.

This post was all about how to counter bullying so that you can make yourself bully-proof.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses 

2. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

3. Good Roasts for Bullies: 25 Comebacks that Shut Them Up.

how to stand up to a bully at school

How to Stand Up to a Bully: 7 Tactics of Self-Defense

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Want to know how to stand up to a bully? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you can use to protect yourself.

how to stand up to a bully

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Everyone has a right to self-preservation. And how you maintain it is by standing up for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to stand up to a bully so that human predators will know to leave you alone and you can live in peace.

Once you learn all these important lessons, you will be more compelled to stick up for yourself no matter what.

This post will teach you how to stand up to a bully so that you can bully-proof yourself.

How to Stand Up To A Bully

So, how do you do this? The answer is that you have to meet them where they are.

1. Use a powerful tone of voice.

This means speaking to bullies in the only language they understand. You must speak with strength and power.

In other words, there is no being polite.

You cannot handle a bully “nicely” and expect them to go away. Why? Because they will only see that as weakness. And they’ll use it to their advantage.

Moreover, there is no being quiet about it. A bully will only take your silence as being afraid. Again, you must speak to the bully in the only language they understand.

And what they don’t understand is nice and polite.

For example, the bully is in your face, yelling and cursing you out. That’s when you put your hand out like a traffic cop. Then you tell them firmly to get the hell out of your face.

Notice at approximately 0:15 in this clip when George McFly shakes his finger at Biff and says, “Hey, you! Get your damn hands off…”

Notice the tone of his voice and how he trails off. It sounds weak, doesn’t it?

Notice that it didn’t have any effect on Biff. At first, he only saw a weak little man trying to be a hero. Why? Because George was holding back and the bully knew it.

Therefore, if you have to raise your voice, do it! If you have to growl, do that too.

How to Stand UP to a Bully:

2. Don’t hold back.

You may have done everything to try and defuse the situation peacefully.  However, in most cases, the bully keeps coming back.

That’s when it’s time to get down and dirty. Remember that you’re in a battle. Therefore, when you’re in a battle, there’s no time to hold back and try to be the bigger person.

Why? Because when it reaches this level, that’s when things can get dangerous fast.

You must be willing to go off on the bully and think nothing of it. In other words, you have to call them out with strength. That means getting nasty.

There are times you must get just as dirty as they do. And to hell with what anyone else thinks! Why? Because the only rights you have are those you fight for.

3. Screw what anyone else thinks.

Not caring what anyone else thinks is the foundation for self-defense. When you have to stand up to a bully, it doesn’t matter what others think. They’re not walking in your shoes.

For example, you’re a victim of school bullying. And you finally get fed up and begin fighting back.

You may have classmates tell you, “Ya know? You shouldn’t have cursed so-and-so out because you only stoop to their level.”

Really? It’s funny how they never said a word to the bullies while they were unloading on you. Now, all of a sudden, you’re the bad guy for defending yourself?

It’s easy for bystanders to sit back and judge you when they aren’t the ones being bullied. You don’t need any advice from anyone sitting safely in the cheap seats.

If they have no skin in the game, that’s when you tell them to keep their lousy two cents to themselves.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

4. speak in the only language bullies understand.

Bullies (and anyone who is even remotely impressed by them) are a dime a dozen. They really are. Therefore, there are times when you must speak in the only language they understand. Then they might get the message and back the hell off!

Bullies are loud and brutal. And the language they understand is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

If this makes you uncomfortable, I understand. It sucks when you must get down and wallow in their foulness and filth with them. But sometimes you’ve no choice but to lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud. You can reserve the nastiness for emergencies, like bullying.

 How to Stand Up to a Bully:

5. Don’t be afraid of conflict.

Conflict is a part of life. It’s something we all encounter. However, many are deathly afraid of it.

Most victims of bullying are especially scared of it. Why? Because they’ve had so much of it forced on them. And they haven’t yet dealt with the hurts they still have.

Many survivors of bullying suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Therefore, they’re still stuck in survival mode.

As a result, they’ll cave in. They give in to bullies to appease them. And why not? If it’ll make them shut up and go away, then a few minutes of self-sacrifice is worth it.

Moreover, people get tired of hearing self-entitled bullies bitch, rant, and beat their chests when they don’t get their way.

So, the unspoken message is, “Look! Just take what you want and get lost!” You get exhausted when you constantly have to battle some creep who won’t leave you alone. And all you want is a little bit of peace.

But giving in won’t work. Because they always come back with something else later. The only way you’ll ever live in peace is to face conflict head-on. Don’t be afraid to tell them to get bent!

And if you have to show your ugly side, so be it! Understand that if you run from conflict, you’ll be running from it for the rest of your life.

6. Know you have a right to defend yourself. 

As mentioned earlier, some people don’t know how to keep their opinions to themselves. They will criticize you when you stand up to bullies. But what would they have done better if they were in your shoes?

This is the question you need to ask them. And know that you have every right to defend yourself when some creep steps on your toes.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

7. Don’t be afraid to put up your dukes.

Many times throughout your life, you will hear self-righteous people preach against fighting. And they will be against it even if it is in self-defense.

For instance, you defend yourself against physical bullies. Later, those in power may tell you, “Violence doesn’t solve anything.”

Or, let’s say that you’re a female who had to defend herself from a physical attacker. Some moron may tell you, “Fighting isn’t ladylike.”

Well, neither is getting your face beat in.

Trust me. You’d much rather fight back than stand there and take an ass-beating. Therefore, expect people to judge you for it. Those who know the least usually have the most to say.

They’re always quick to climb on their soapbox and wag a finger at you. They’ll fire off overused platitudes, such as, “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

It makes me think of the old ’90’s urban slang, “All up in the Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.” And when you’re getting your brains beat in every other day, you have no choice but to bite back.

How to Stand Up to a Bully:

In Conclusion

Standing up to bullies is a part of self-care. Indeed, fighting isn’t always the answer. However, sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting froggy, so be it.

Sometimes you have to put your bitch face on and get ugly. And if you’re the type of person who doesn’t like to be that way, you won’t like it. But sometimes, getting mean and nasty is necessary.

Why? Because you have to take care of yourself, or no one else will.

Therefore, if anyone else sticks their nose into your business, tell them what you think. Why? Because you can’t be nice when you’re dealing with people who wish to harm you.

Realize that there are times when you have to get funky with it! You must get out of character when things get hot. When some schmuck is in your face, nice and polite goes out the window.

And once they find out that you aren’t as weak as they thought, they might back off. And they’ll think twice before confronting you again.

Therefore, meet the bullies where they are. Respond in kind to bad treatment. And assert your right not to put up with bullying and abuse.

This post was all about how to stand up to a bully so that you’ll be encouraged to defend yourself when someone crosses your boundaries.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

2. Self-Preservation: Why You Must Get Just as Ugly as Your Bullies

3. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

4. Standing Against Bullying: 3 Reasons It’s Worth the Risk

psychological bullying tactics psychology

Psychological Bullying Tactics: 17 Tricks Bullies Use to Shake You

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Want to know all the psychological bullying tactics bullies use? Here are all the tricks bullies use to rattle you.

psychological bullying tactics

Photo by dragana991 at Getty Images

Bullies seem to know the slickest psychological bullying tactics to use, don’t they? In this post, you will learn what they are and why they use each one.

Once you learn all about these techniques, you will be able to recognize them when they happen. And you will be able to better defend yourself from them.

This post is all about psychological bullying tactics so that you can better protect yourself from mental abuse.

Psychological Bullying Tactics

Rattling you psychologically is a tactic bullies use to keep you off balance. Why? Because when you’re off your A-game, you don’t fight back as effectively. Here are all the tactics bullies use to keep you off kilter.

1. Barking orders

When bullies order you around, they treat you like you’re a subordinate. They don’t have to be bosses or authority to order you around. So, they do it to claim dominance over you.

Therefore, if a classmate or coworker tries to tell you what to do, you can tell them, “I don’t take orders.” This is how you keep your power.

2. Putting you on the defense

Bullies may make subtle accusations to put you on the defense. And the reason they do this is to make you look “defensive.”

So, what do they have to gain by doing this? Simple! If they can make you defensive, they can make you look guilty of something.

Psychological bullying Tactics:

3. Unsolicited advice

Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice. However, they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

They are always giving you free advice as if you are a child. Some people have a lot of nerve, don’t they?

But here are the reasons they do this.  It’s to give their audience the impression that you’re a moron. Moreover, they want others to think that they know more than you.

They don’t advise you to help you. They do it to help themselves look smarter than you. And if you don’t know how to counter it, it can chip away at your self-esteem.

So, what are ways that you can counter a smartass who gives you advice you didn’t ask for?  You can tell them, “I don’t need your cheap two cents.” Then, walk away.

4. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha-questions, but bullies are also infamous for it too. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha-questions are questions that trap you. They put you in a bad light no matter what answer you give and even if you do not answer at all.

These are the types of questions bullies will usually ask you in public just to humiliate you. By asking these types of questions, bullies trap you into looking bad to others.

More on gotcha questions HERE.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

5. Insulting questions

“Why are you so arrogant, ignorant, etc.?

Understand that these questions aren’t really questions. They’re only accusations made in the form of questions. Bullies are notorious for asking their targets rhetorical questions, which are questions designed to elicit a dramatic effect and to make a point, not to get an answer.

These questions are only insinuations and innuendo. They insinuate your perceived lack of intelligence, sarcastic attitude, or worthlessness.

For comebacks, go HERE.

Always counter them with sarcasm! Bullies hate being made a fool of. So, answering with a good burn will take the wind out of their sails.

6. Nonverbal Bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle. It’s not as easy for others to see.

This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.

  • Dirty looks.’
  • Leaning on your desk.
  • Standing too close.

Always call the bullies out or give the bully a glare they’ll never forget.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

7. Outlandish and Unheard of Tactics.

Understand that outrageous tactics are deliberate, and there’s a reason behind them.

Bullies employ these tactics as a kind of preemptive gaslighting. By using tactics that are beyond comprehension, they cause others to have a difficult time believing it if you report it.

However, if something is beyond all comprehension, how can you make it up? So many people in power forget this.

Again, the use of tactics that seem a bit outlandish is a subtle form of gaslighting. These astonishing actions are meant to silence you. Why?

Because when things that happen are so far from anything others have experienced, they’re the most difficult to talk about. Why? Because “these kinds of things just don’t happen.”

8. Gaslighting.

Bullies deny their behavior. Or, they might trivialize it. They may even add their spin to make you look like the villain.

Also, they’ll resort to maligning you to others to destroy your good name and credibility. There are many ways bullies gaslight.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

9. Guilt-Tripping.

Bullies are masters at guilt-tripping, especially female bullies who use their feminine charm. They will often try to get you to do what they want. And when you refuse, they try to make you feel guilty.

Don’t fall for this. The best way to counter this is to stand behind your decision.

10. Projection.

Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to project them onto you?

Projection is when someone accuses you of the same bad deeds they do. It shouldn’t be easy. But it is.

11. Distraction.

“The essence of deception is distraction.” – Robert Greene

The bully uses distraction, often called deflection, when they use your reaction to distract attention away from their abuse.

It is the reason that so many people in authority, bystanders, and witnesses unjustly label targets as bullies.

Bullies are highly skilled at deflecting their misdeeds onto others. Therefore, people will falsely accuse you of “starting it.”

Here’s how the bullies do it:

  • shows kindness and integrity in front of everyone else except you.
  • baits you.
  • Accuses you of the same bad things he’s doing.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

12. Smear Campaigns.

If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

They use the above strategies not only to cover their backsides. They also do it to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself.

Moreover, they smear you to close you off from support. Why? Because, once you’re isolated, chances are slim that anyone will help you.

Now, your bullies can do whatever they want to you. If everyone is against you, who’s going to stop the abuse? In the minds of others, you deserve what’s happening to you.

13. Baiting

Bullies will bait you by doing things to get you to fight. For instance, they may provoke you by knocking over your drink. They may also kick over your purse as they walk by.

Or they may get in your face.

Therefore, know that when bullies toy with you like this, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

14. Getting others to insult you.

This type of bullying is indirect and extremely cowardly. These types of bullies don’t have the guts to be direct or get their hands dirty.

Therefore, they instigate a conflict between you and someone else. They then stand back, at a safe distance, and watch from afar. And they enjoy watching the other person attack you.

In most cases, the person they pit against you isn’t a bully. They probably have no prior history with you. This person can be a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, teacher, or supervisor.

15. Bringing Up Your Past

If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind? Maybe a police record of vandalism when you were seventeen?

Or maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. They either have nothing to pin on you, or they’re jealous of you.

Psychological Bullying Tactics:

16. Humiliation

Humiliation, unlike embarrassment or shame, leaves a mark on the person who suffers it. And the stigma can follow them for the rest of their lives. Why?

Because people who’ve been publicly humiliated are always remembered for their humiliation. Think Harvey Weinstein and the sex scandals that broke about 10 years ago.

Although ol’ Harvey deserved his humiliation, most victims of bullying don’t. Innocent victims are often humiliated by their bullies for no reason.

They get stuck in an uncomfortable position while others gather around to taunt and abuse them.

Humiliation has been used down through the ages. Tarring and feathering was a technique used in the Old West.

This involved covering people with hot tar and feathers. Then, the townspeople would parade them through the crowded streets on a horse-drawn cart.

Think of Chuck Connors’ character, Jason McCord, in the old western series, “Branded.”

Throughout history, humiliation has been the most common and effective means of punishment. People fear losing face worse than they do a violent death!

17. Moving the Goalposts

Understand that bullies will judge you without provocation. You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong. They will dissect everything until they find something wrong.

For instance, bullies may tell you one day that your hair is too curly. So, you straighten it the next day before going to school. But they find something else to rag you about.

Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will judge you no matter what you do. And any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.

The best thing to do is to have nothing to do with them. You don’t need their approval.

Psychological bullying Tactics:

In conclusion

All these tactics have one goal: Control. 

Let’s do a quick recap of the bullying tactics we just discussed.

  • Barking orders.
  • Putting you on the defense.
  • Unsolicited advice.
  • Asking gotcha questions
  • Insulting questions.
  • Nonverbal bullying.
  • Outlandish and unheard of tactics.
  • Gaslighting
  • Guilt-tripping.
  • Projection.
  • Distraction.
  • Smear Campaigns
  • Baiting
  • Getting others to insult you.
  • Bringing up your past.
  • Humiliation.
  • Moving the goalposts.

Once you recognize these tactics, you won’t be able to unsee them. Then you can protect yourself from them.

This post was all about psychological bullying tactics, so you’ll recognize them when you see them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2. Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

4. Humiliation Bullying: 5 Examples of It and Why It’s So Devastating

what bullies do when the victim is unavailable psychology

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable: 5 Ways They React

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Want to know what bullies do when the victim is unavailable? Here are all the ways they react after their target leaves the environment.

what bullies do when the victim is unavailable

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Bullies can’t handle it if they don’t have someone to victimize. So, what do they do when no one is around they can subjugate?

In this post, you will learn what bullies do when the victim is unavailable so that you can discover how evil they are.

Once you discover this valuable information, you will know more about the psychology of bullies, and it may help you to stand stronger.

This post is about what bullies do when the victim is unavailable to allow you to pick their brains and get a glimpse into their mindsets.

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable

What scares bullies the most is losing power.

When you aren’t available to bully, it drives your bullies up the wall. Do you want to know why? It’s because they need someone to tear down.

Without a victim, bullies don’t know what to do. They thrive on having someone to jerk around. So, what do they do when you’re not available?

1. They run you down behind your back.

Not that they don’t do that anyway. However, these people have a sick obsession with you. Therefore, they talk trash because you consume their minds.

And they can’t wait for you to return, and they can pick up where they left off.

2. They miss the control they once had.

For example, if you quit your job or transfer schools, your bullies may become angry. Why? Because you’re out of their reach.

They no longer have control over you. You see? When you walk away from the bullying environment, so does their power. And it drives them batty!

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

3. They search for a new victim.

If you leave permanently, they’ll look for someone else to jerk around once you’re gone. And it may take a week or two. However, you can bet that without the next week or two, you’ll see them messing with a new person.

4. But what they do mostly is eat their own.

I saw this happen at Oakley High School and even in the workplace. When there are no targets left, bullies will begin to turn on one of their own group members.

Understand that even the inner circle of the clique has a pecking order. Every clique has a leader, second-in-command, third, all the way down to the bottom rat.

And if their targets aren’t available, the clique will turn on the bottom rat. Then, she will be the new target.

And if the bottom rat’s not available, the poor sucker on the second rung up is the one who will catch hell.

Shit rolls downhill and lands on the bottom. Therefore, whoever is unfortunate enough to be at the bottom will be bullied.

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

5. They fight among themselves.

Sometimes, the targets don’t have to be unavailable. I stood back and watched a lot of back-biting between the members of the bully cliques.

A few would go out with the other friends’ boyfriends or girlfriends behind their backs. And when they’d see them at school the following Monday, they’d smile in their faces.

When I saw this, it made me thankful not to be in with that group. No sane person wants such strange, twisted, and dysfunctional friendships.

With them, it was back-to-back ego trips. What most targets and wannabes at OHS considered a curse, a few others considered a blessing.

I could deal with not being in the in-crowd; that was fine and dandy. What I had an issue with was that none of those creeps would leave me alone, go on about their business, and get a life.

Therefore, you should never worry about being in the in-crowd. Why? Because it’s not the way to feel validated.

You’re just as awesome without them. You’re also freer! Because if you’re not in a clique, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s unwritten rules or standards.

You’re free to be yourself and do your own thing. And there is nothing better!

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

Bullies crave power.

Remember that bullies must always have someone to look down on. And it’s because it’s the only way they can feel better about themselves.

They need someone to dump on to feel powerful. And they need someone to tell what to do and ride roughshod over to feel superior.

Therefore, if their usual targets aren’t available, the bullies at the top will turn on the lowest members of their own group. And they will degrade them until their regular victim returns.

Why Bullies Eat Their Own

Simple. To feel almighty and powerful. Bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them.

It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a long period of time, years even. It’s because that “drug” wears off rather quickly.

Therefore, it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

bullies also lose power when you begin seeing through them.

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light?

Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once you see through your bullies, your confidence will get a big boost. You will realize that you aren’t the one with the issues. And you never were.

Instead, you’ll find that the bullies were the ones who had the issues all along. Then, you’ll finally have the courage to give the bullies the proverbial middle finger.

And you’ll tell them all to eat a fat one.

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

A sudden shift in the power dynamic.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift.  The scales of power will automatically tip in your favor. And you will no longer be a victim. The best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Once you refuse to be a victim, bullies no longer have power over you. Therefore, this is another reason why bullies end up eating their own.

But before they eat their own, they’ll search for outsiders to target.

When they spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” Bullies will watch them closely.

Next, they’ll launch subtle attacks and insults to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do when things don’t go quite the way they expect?

What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Targeting someone in the in-group is usually a last resort.

Therefore, if there’s no one left to bully, they select one of their own.

That’s right! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward. So, they start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power. And the reason for it is that they can’t get power any other way.

Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

What Bullies Do When The Victim is Unavailable:

In Conclusion

Realize that bullies have a constant craving for power. And if their primary victim isn’t around to give it to them, they’ll find someone else who will.

Here’s a quick recap. Without their regular victim, bullies will:

  • Run you down behind your back.
  • Miss the power they once had.
  • Search for a new victim.
  • Eat their own
  • Fight amongst themselves.

Therefore, if you know a victim who has left, keep your eyes peeled. And make sure that you don’t become the next victim.

This post is about what bullies do when the victim is unavailable so that you understand the mindsets they have and protect yourself from becoming the next victim.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullies Eat Their Own: 3 Reasons Bullies Bully within Their Group

2. Cliques and Bullying: 3 Dirty Secrets Cliques Try to Hide

3. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things That Terrify Bullies

bullying from the victims point of view psychology

Bullying From The Victim’s Point of View

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Want to know bullying from the victim’s point of view? Here are all the personal experiences victims face.

bullying from the victims point of view

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Want to know what life is like for a victim of bullying? In this post, we will discuss bullying from the victim’s point of view.

And once you realize what it’s like to be the victim of relentless bullying, you will get a better picture of what they go through.

This post is all about bullying from the victim’s point of view, so you will see what the world is like through their eyes.

Bullying from The Victim’s Point of View

Through the eyes of a victim of bullying, the world becomes a scary place. After you’ve been bullied for so long, almost everything terrifies you.

Instead of a friendly place, the world becomes threatening.

Survival Mode.

You start to avoid people and social situations. Why? Because you’re afraid. In short, you lose all faith in humanity.

Everything becomes threatening. You’re stuck in defense mode, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The ability to think becomes blurry. You drown in self-doubt and lose the ability to distinguish fact from opinion. Therefore, you lose the ability to make smart decisions.

You’re always on guard. You trust no one because you can’t afford to. Again, everyone becomes a threat. Even total strangers are threatening.

You can’t give anyone a chance because you’re so afraid of being hurt again. And why not? Your classmates or coworkers have done you wrong for so long. So, who’s to say that others won’t do the same?

Anyone could bully you at any time. Therefore, you must always watch your back and cover your behind. You must continually look over your shoulder. You observe those around you for signs of hostility.

It feels as if you have a mark on you that everyone but you can see. And maybe it’s why others always seem to come after you.

As much as you want to get rid of that mark, you don’t know how.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

Bullying changes you.

You’ll never be the same person you were before bullies began targeting you. When you’ve been a target of long-term bullying, jokes stop being funny.

Why? Because you automatically feel they are somehow aimed at you. Bullying fills a person with dread. And with good reason.

You lose all confidence. Your self-esteem falls like a meteor until it hits rock bottom. Therefore, your mind is poisoned with the belief that you can never do anything right.

You used to be happy, confident, and carefree. Moreover, you used to be confident. In fact, you once felt like you could do anything and that anything was possible.

But now, you see yourself as a failure. It seems as if you screw up everything you touch. Why? Because your bullies have told you that you’re no good. They’ve repeated this line over and over again.

And they’ve drummed this garbage into your head for so long that you believe it too now. You automatically expect to fail in social situations. And sadly, you usually do.

Why? Because that belief has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You Bury Your Emotions, Stuffing Down Every Tear.

You want to cry but can’t. Why? Because you can’t bear for them to see you cry! Your pride – what little you have left – won’t let you.

Therefore, you don’t give them the satisfaction.

So, you go home that afternoon. And you hide in the privacy of your bedroom. You cry, you scream, and you beat your fists against your pillow.

Through your tears, you release years of pinned-up rage that has festered like a cancerous boil. You fly into a rage and destroy your own bedroom, turning the damn place upside down!

What you really want to do is beat the living hell out of your bullies. You’re not really beating the pillow. No. In your mind, you are beating the living daylights out of them, every single one of them!

You want to do to them what they have done to you.

You Feel Like a Walking, Talking Mistake.

No matter how hard you try to hide your flaws, everyone seems to see them. You feel that the only thing you have going for you is that you aren’t dead.

And the exhaustion is overwhelming.

You’ve tried to hold it together for so long, but you’ve grown tired. Soon, you start experiencing unexpected, uncontrollable meltdowns.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You don’t think you’ll ever stop being a target.

There’s that sinking feeling that there’s no possibility of ever overcoming it. Other victims might rise above it. But they aren’t you. So, you don’t think that you ever will.

Therefore, life feels as if love, success, and anything good are for anyone who isn’t you.

You’re physically and emotionally Exhausted.

You’re dog tired. Tired of having to fight to get through the day! You’re sick of constantly ducking and dodging everyone! You’re tired of lying low!

Moreover, you’re sick of having to grow eyes in the back of your head! Tired of being held hostage for eight long hours every day! Tired of others holding you to double standards!

You aren’t just tired; you’re exhausted! Your bullies have worn you down. They’ve trampled your personhood and your rights to be yourself. They’ve stripped away your confidence and crushed your self-esteem.

Moreover, they’ve ridiculed your goals and dreams.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

The bullying begins making you physically sick.

The constant stress starts to come out with unexplained illnesses. You suffer splitting headaches and violent bouts of nausea.

You are so distraught that when lunch arrives, you can’t even eat. Your stomach is in knots and your head pounds from the stress of being the outcast of your school. The nausea is intense!

You’re shaky inside. You feel tired and run down all the time now.

Even worse, you pass out from panic attacks, and you can no longer sleep at night. Your weight drops. And the overwhelming stress causes your hair to fall out.

Bullying turns you into someone you no longer recognize.

You feel as if people are torturing you. Because you’re in constant fight-or-flight mode and your mind is in overdrive. Moreover, you don’t know who you are anymore. You’ve become a stranger to yourself.

In essence, you turn against yourself because it seems as if the entire world has turned against you.

‘You see? It’s one thing to have people look down on you. However, it’s another when you allow them to cause you to look down on yourself.

Bullying from the Victim’s point of View:

You blame yourself for being bullied.

You think something must be wrong with you but don’t know what it is.

You’re too afraid to tell your own family what’s happening.

At home, you stare at your family members, wanting so badly to tell them what you’re going through.  But you’re much too afraid. If you tell them, how will they respond?

Will they support you or will they judge you? Will they give you advice you know doesn’t work? And will they give you some long lecture? You don’t know, and you’re not willing to take a chance.

Moreover, you’re ashamed. When you’re bullied, you carry a lot of shame. Why? Because you feel weak. Because people bully you, you feel like a wuss!

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You become jealous of everyone else’s friendships and relationships.

You wonder when the day will finally come when you can be like everyone else. And you fantasize about strolling along easily, enjoying friends, laughing it up, and having the time of your life.

You look around and watch everyone else having fun. You watch as girls flirt with their boyfriends and boys snake an arm around their chosen ladies. And you wonder, “How do they do it?”

You watch as they get to enjoy real friendships. They get invites to birthday parties, slumber parties, camping trips, and dates.

You watch them laugh playfully with each other; you can see the happiness in their eyes. And these are the same eyes that look at you with disgust.

The look of joy all over their faces is enough to make you sick!  You want to be happy for them, but you don’t have it in you. Instead, you can’t help but to resent the hell out of their happiness and blessings.

Why? Because these are the blessings that you yearn to have. In fact, you’d give your right arm for them if that’s what it took! Blessings that they seem to take for granted!

You wonder, “Why can’t I have that? Why? I’m important too. Don’t I deserve to have friends?” But God seems to be too busy to answer.

Bullying from the Victim’s point of View:

You burn with resentment because these are the same people who destroyed your chances of having the same things they have.

They have killed every opportunity for you to make friends of your own. And they have squashed your dating opportunities.

Moreover, they have taken all of your accomplishments and good qualities and trampled them underfoot. You soon become bitter and wish to destroy their friendships.

Why? Because they deserve to be taught what that feels like. You want so bad to trade places with them. It seems that your lot in life is to wander this earth alone.

You watch as some of them even say horrible things behind their friends’ backs. But you notice that, strangely, the slighted friend is quick to forgive them.

Therefore, they get to go on being buddies, as if nothing ever happened. But you? If you so much as look the wrong way, they want to tear you to pieces.

But wait! Don’t they already do that? They tear you apart every day and have been for years. And for simply having the gall to exist! They punish you for the sin of being you!

To them, you aren’t even human.

The isolation is soul-crushing

You’ve tried reporting the bullying. And you’ve tried asking for help. But your cries were only ignored. You soon realize that no one will help you.

And why would they? They know not to.

You begin a downward spiral into hopelessness and despair. You have nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. And why not? Your bullies have alienated you from everyone.

It seems that your bullies can’t get enough of seeing you suffer. In fact, they want you dead, but they don’t have the guts to kill you.

They don’t want to go to prison. So, they torment you instead, hoping and praying you will do it for them.

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

You begin thinking that maybe you don’t belong here.

You are desperate for a change. You yearn for relief, but there is no sign of refuge. You want justice, but it seems that it never comes. This is a situation that you can no longer see an end to.

Then you begin to think that maybe death wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At least no one could hurt you again. You start to think of ways to die.

Before long, death becomes an obsession. You believe your life is one big curse. And you want to end that curse. Death seems to be the only escape from an earthly hell that you have been forced to live.

You are worth fighting for. And you are worth living FOR!

Now you must choose. Should you keep living in hell, or should you resign yourself and end it all? I hope you chose the first option.

As long as there is still breath in your body, there’s always hope for a better tomorrow!

I was there once upon a time. But I got mad! I didn’t only get angry at them for driving me into that dark pit of hopelessness. I got pissed at myself for letting them do that to me!

And when I got angry at myself, I started working on changing my attitude. That’s when things began to get better!

My bullies may have brought me down, but they couldn’t keep me there. I didn’t stay down for long. I clawed my way back up!

Bullying from the Victim’s Point of View:

Don’t give up hope!

Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying, and this describes you now, I want to give you a big hug.

I also want to tell you that things may look bad now, but they won’t always be. You will see the sun again.

Hang on to self-love. Keep your strong sense of self. Please don’t allow your bullies to force you to see yourself through their eyes. Instead, believe in yourself, even when no one else does.

Bullies may turn everyone else against you. Just don’t let them turn you against yourself. No matter what, you’re worth it! And you deserve friendship, love, and happiness just as much as anyone else!

Stand strong, and you will overcome.

This post DESCRIBED bullying from the victim’s point of view so you’ll know that you aren’t alone.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Dehumanization: 10 Ways Bullies Dehumanize You

2.  Survivors of Bullying: How It Feels to Overcome

3. When Victims of Bullying Snap: What Really Happens?

4. Bullying and The Human Stress Response

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Bad Bullying Advice: 20 Unhelpful Suggestions You’ll Likely Hear

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When you’re being bullied, there will be many know-it-all people who will give you bad bullying advice. Here’s what you’ll likely hear and how you can respond to such nonsense.

bad bullying advice

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Bad bullying advice is everywhere. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the terrible advice you will likely hear from people in power.

Once you discover all these unhelpful responses, you will recognize them when you hear them. And you will have the confidence to call them out and counter them when those in authority try to use one or more of them on you.

This post will list all the bad bullying advice victims of bullying often hear so that you can stand up to it boldly.

Bad Bullying Advice

Anytime a target is bullied in school or college, adults can give some of the most ridiculous advice. In fact, some of it is downright ludicrous.

These people think they have all the answers. Moreover, they offer snake oil remedies that have no chance of producing positive results.

This isn’t to say that those who give the advice don’t mean well. Most of the time, they do. It only comes from a lack of knowledge.

However, teachers and school officials often give the same advice. And not only out of laziness, but as a subtle way of blaming you.

They do it to shut you up. And just maybe, they hope you’ll forget about it and let the bullies off the hook. I write this from personal experience.

Personal Experience.

I can tell you that I got loads of advice back in the day. And it wasn’t only ineffective. It was counterproductive.

Some of it was from a few well-meaning family members who didn’t know better. Most of it was from lazy teachers and principals who didn’t want to be bothered.

And when I took their advice, it produced no results. And I felt let down.

Types of Bad Bullying advice victims in school hear from Adults.

Here is a list of bad advice adults would give me when I was in school.

1. “Ignore them.”

I’m sure everyone who has ever battled bullies has gotten this advice. Here are a few reasons why this rarely works.

a. Bullies seek attention. And they are relentless. Therefore, if one thing doesn’t get your attention, they will try something else. Moreover, they won’t stop until they’ve worn you down and caused you to react out of exhaustion. And, even then, they won’t stop.

b. Bullies think they’re entitled to unearned respect. Many of these bullies get extremely angry when you ignore them. Why? Because they see it as disrespect. Then, they will retaliate and continue to make you pay from that day forward.

c. Bullies mistake your ignoring them for fear. They’re like wild animals. When they smell fear (or think they do), look out! Because they’ll take full advantage until they either crush you underfoot. Or, you may blow your top, knock the taste out of their mouths, and land in trouble with school authorities or police.

The best thing to do is to come back at the bullies with something witty. Doing this will throw them off balance. Or, you can deliver a good burn to humiliate them and make them think twice about ever coming for you again.

And the next time someone tells you to ignore it, you can respond with,

“You try ignoring a bully and see how that works out for you.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

2. “Overlook Them.”

Right! It’s hard to overlook a bully who’s in your face. Many bullies get nose-to-nose with you, screaming curses and obscenities at you.

And they’ll dare you to say something back or to hit them. It’s also difficult to ignore a bully who’s beating the crap out of you after school every other day. How can you overlook or ignore that?

The best thing to do here is to tell them to back the hell off. Additionally, if the bullying gets physical, defend yourself. Put up your dukes and fight back like your life depends on it.

Here’s how you respond to this suggestion:

“Why don’t you try overlooking someone who’s shouting in your face?”

3. “Kill them with kindness.”

Shh-yeah! That may work with bully-victims. But it’ll never work with bullies infected with narcissism. Those with narcissism see kindness as weakness and will use it to crush you.

Also, they’ll come back at you much harder next time. Why? Because they see kindness as a bad reflection on them. And they can’t handle anyone who naturally makes them look like scumbags.

How you respond to this advice is to say,

“You try killing a bully with kindness. Then come back and tell me how it went.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

4. “Toughen up.” 

Toughen up? Do you know what you’re telling them to do?

Maybe you may tell the kid that bullying will toughen them up. This is the equivalent of having a baseball bat taken to your legs and having both limbs broken. Then they assure you that the bone will be even stronger than before once it heals. I’m sure you get the point.

It is this type of attitude which allows the abuse to continue and re-victimizes the victim! Here is why I think that it’s the stupidest response an adult can give to a child or teen

You are indirectly and maybe unknowingly shifting the blame back onto the poor child. Moreover, you’re sending the message that the harassment is his fault because he is weak.

Here’s another thing to think about. Kids and teens will take the “toughen up” response as the go-ahead to defend themselves. Now, this is not a bad thing. Kids should be encouraged to defend themselves from bullying.

However, when you tell a kid to “toughen up” and then turn around and punish them for doing so, that’s when it’s a problem.

As a result, they’ll only be confused about what to do the next time they are bullied. Lastly, bullying may toughen most kids up. However, it shuts some children down.

Instead of telling them to toughen up, tell them to defend themselves. When you say it this way, you aren’t blaming them. And you’re giving them your permission to fight back.

Also, if you’re a kid in school and a coach tells you to toughen up, that’s when you say,

“Okay. I’ll toughen up. But you won’t like it when I do.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

5. “Brush it off.”

Have you ever heard that bit of advice? They want you to brush it off. Not defend yourself and not respond. Just brush it off like it isn’t a big deal.

However, bullying is a big deal. And that’s why you must respond to verbal abuse. And you must defend yourself. It’s the only way to make them stop.

6. “Keep a Low Profile.”

What does it mean to keep a low profile? It means to stay out of sight. When someone gives you this lousy advice, they’re basically telling you to hide – to reduce your visibility.

This kind of advice is absurd for two reasons. Number one, you shouldn’t have to hide from anyone. And, number two, you have just as much right to be seen as anyone else.

Well-intentioned adults may believe that keeping out of sight will prevent escalation. Moreover, they might think that it will give you immediate safety. And it just might. But only for the time being.

Realize that hiding doesn’t address the bullying. Unless you address it, it will continue.

“Nope! I’m not hiding from anyone!”

Bad Bullying Advice:

7. “Keep your nose clean.”

Adults may tell you to “keep your nose clean” when they want you to avoid trouble. In giving this terrible advice, they advise you not to defend yourself and avoid conflict.

This may work for the moment. However, it only causes bullies to escalate the behavior in the long run.

Also, school staff may say this as a subtle way of blaming you for their behavior. Teachers often made this suggestion when I reported bullying. And it pissed me off to no end!

8. “Tread Lightly.”

Here’s another piece of rotten advice. Well-meaning school officials may use this advice to keep you from defending yourself. But only because they’re afraid the bullying will escalate and the bullies will retaliate.

Moreover, they may think that if you fly under the radar, things will cool down. Another thing to think about is that these adults may feel powerless to stop the bullying themselves. That’s fair enough.

School staff who don’t care will also suggest that you “tread lightly.” But they’ll do it for different reasons. They may tell you this to blame you. It’s their way of telling you to keep your mouth shut and not to cause a big stink.

Let them know in no uncertain terms that you won’t tiptoe around anyone. And mean it!

“No way! I’m not walking on eggshells to keep from making them angry.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

9. “Don’t rock the boat.”

This piece of advice has undertones of victim-blaming. When adults tell a bullied kid not to “rock the boat,” they say it out of laziness. It’s easier to silence the victim.

They’re telling you not to make a big deal out of it to cover their own butts. Moreover, staff may do it to protect the bullies. Why? Because many bullies are stars on the school sports teams.

They make the school look good. And they have to keep their reputations clean. They make it your responsibility to keep the peace. But don’t fall for this garbage. Stand up to it.

You can always come back with,

“Um! No! They rocked the boat when they started messing with me! And if they keep it up, I’ll tip the darn thing over!”

10. “Don’t make waves.”

This suggestion has the same meaning and reasons as “don’t rock the boat.” Again, schools tell victims this because they’re afraid of being exposed as bullying cesspits.

Therefore, they make you responsible for their reputations. You can always respond with,

“No. It’s not my responsibility to protect the school’s reputation. That’s your job.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

11. “Tone it down a little.”

When people tell the victim to tone it down, they’re really telling them to suppress themselves. They’re also blaming you for your bullies’ behavior.

What they are doing is attempting to silence your voice so the bullies won’t get angry. However, you should never make yourself invisible to make others feel better.

The next time someone gives you this advice, you can say,

“No. I refuse to shrink down to make other people feel better. I’m not responsible for their feelings or their behavior.”

12. “Don’t draw attention to yourself.”

Indeed, you shouldn’t draw negative attention to yourself. That sounds reasonable. However, if you’re being bullied in school, adults may tell you this to silence you. It also implies that the bullying is your fault.

Speaking out isn’t negative; it’s brave. Moreover, bullied kids may take it as being told they should hide or suppress themselves.

Therefore, this advice isn’t good because it can cause you to go silent. The next time someone gives you this suggestion, you can say,

“No. I’m not responsible for their behavior. They are.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

13. “Stay out of their way.”

This advice only blames the victim. Moreover, it teaches them to hide from bullies.

There’s nothing wrong with avoiding toxic people. It’s something we should all do for our own mental health. However, what if the bullies are actively looking for you?

How do you stay out of their way when they always manage to find you even when you avoid them? Do they think you’re supposed to run from them?

I can tell you this from experience. If you run from bullies, you’ll be running for the rest of your life. At some point, you’ll need to stand up for yourself.

Therefore, if you ever hear this advice from teachers, you can respond with,

“With all due respect, staying out of their way isn’t going to solve the problem. It’s not my responsibility to tiptoe around them. I’ll avoid them as much as I can. But when I can’t, it’s your responsibility to protect me while I’m at school.”

14. “Keep your head down.”

In other words, they’re telling you to shrink yourself. To duck down and make yourself invisible! Adults who give you this suggestion usually do it because of their own past trauma.

They may also do it because they’re exhausted. These are legitimate reasons. It doesn’t make it right.

Again, you shouldn’t have to hide from anyone to feel safe. So, tell them,

“I shouldn’t have to hide to be safe. And I refuse to do so. Hiding doesn’t address the problem. It compounds it.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

15. “Don’t poke the Bear.”

This suggestion is blatant victim-blaming. Remember that most bullies look for and pursue their victims. Therefore, how are you “poking the bear” when they’re the ones coming after you?

They might as well tell you that just your being there is provoking your bullies. And it’s absurd! Therefore, call it out to their faces. You can say,

“It’s them who are coming after me. They are the ones who approach me in the hallways. They are the ones who catch me in the bathroom. So, how am I the one who’s poking the bear? This is victim-blaming, and I refuse to accept blame for their behavior.

16. “Make Yourself scarce.”

Adults believe that this advice will immediately stop the bullying. However, they’re dead wrong. When someone tells you to “make yourself scarce,” what they’re really telling you is to stay hidden.

Or they’re saying that you should run from your bullies. Avoiding bullies is wise. Don’t get me wrong. We should all avoid human predators.

However, bullies are relentless. If they can’t find you, they will look for you. And they will look until they find you. Then what?

Realize that they’re trying to make you responsible for someone else’s actions. Therefore, stand up to them by saying,

“No. You’re trying to put it off on me, and I refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior. I’ll avoid them as much as possible. But if they’re hellbent on finding me, that’s not on me.”

Bad Bullying Advice:

17. “Be nonchalant.”

Now, this doesn’t sound like bad advice. Why? Because, when it comes to bullying, being nonchalant can mean not reacting emotionally.

So, in this context, it’s good advice. Why? Because when you starve a bully of an emotional reaction, you take the wind out of their sail.

However, a bullied kid can also take this advice to mean ignoring the bully. And most bullies see ignoring them as fear, disrespect, or permission to continue their behavior. When adults don’t explain to the child that nonchalance doesn’t mean you don’t respond, that’s when it’s bad.

Therefore, you should ask them to clarify that statement and see what they say.

18. “Stay out of trouble.”

This is bad advice on its face. Why? Because staying out of trouble is much easier said than done when you’re a target of bullies.

When adults tell bullied kids to stay out of trouble, it’s laughable at best. In fact, they usually give this suggestion to targets who defend themselves.

The best response here is to look at them with pity and shake your head.

Bad Bullying Advice:

19. “Go the Extra Mile.”

This statement can have several different contexts. If by telling you to go the extra mile, the teacher means to work harder on your lessons and be more successful to show your bullies up, I can respect this.

After all, your teacher wants to see you show them up. So, this kind of advice can be helpful.

However, if it means being extra nice to your bullies because “it will stop the harassment,” then it’s terrible advice. Why? Because bullies will think you’re kissing their ass. And they’ll get a kick out of it and treat you worse.

Therefore, look at context before responding.

20. “Try to blend in.”

This isn’t necessarily bad advice. It depends on context and who’s giving it. Many adults who tell you to do this have good intentions behind it. Reducing visibility to bullies does help, but only in the short term.

It doesn’t solve the problem. You can’t hide forever. Eventually, you’ll have to stand up to them.

In Conclusion

If you’ve been a victim of bullies, how many of these pieces of advice did you hear?

This post is all about bad bullying advice so that you’ll recognize it when you hear it and call it out.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2.  What Does Victim Blaming Look Like? 9 Easy Signs to Watch for

3. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do 

bullying and intimidation in the workplace

Bullying and Intimidation: 17 Ways Bullies Try to Rattle You

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‘Want to know all about bullying and intimidation? Here are all the tactics bullies use to rattle you.

bullying and intimidation

Photos from Canva

Bullies bully not only to harm but to intimidate you so that you won’t defend yourself. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about bullying and intimidation so you’ll know the tactics bullies use to scare you.

Once you discover all these techniques, you will be better able to stand up to them and take your power back.

This post is all about bullying and intimidation so that you’ll know all the tactics bullies use to instill fear. Then you can recognize them when they try to use them on you. And you’ll be better prepared to defend yourself.

Bullying and Intimidation

Bullies will often do things to rattle you before they get violent. Before we reveal the tactics, let’s first discuss rattling.

Rattling

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle their targets to intimidate them and throw them off balance. Why? Because if the victim is on the back foot, they can’t fight back as effectively.

Here are tactics they use (The first 8 are done mostly in school settings).

1. Deliberately knocking over your drink and spilling it.

The reason abusers do this is to assert dominance over you. They may also spill your drink to humiliate you in public.

Physical bullies do it to provoke you to fight.

Moreover, they may also do it for plausible deniability. For instance, the bully may knock your tray on the floor during lunch. When you stand up and confront them, they can then claim that “it was an accident” and make you look unhinged.

Bullying and Intimidation:

2. Plucking a piece of food from your plate and popping it in their mouths.

At school, during lunch, your bully may snatch a French fry off your tray and eat it as they walk by your table. They do this for several reasons.

One is to test your boundaries. When a bully takes a piece of your food, see it as a challenge. Why? Because the unspoken message is, “Hey, wimp! I just took a piece of your food. So, what are you going to do about it?”

This is just another form of nonverbal bullying that dares you to assert yourself. Moreover, bullies also do it to intimidate you and assert dominance.

By pulling this number, they slyly lay claim to what’s yours. And they do it without drawing too much attention and risking confrontation.

3. Kicking your purse or backpack over with their foot.

This tactic is all about dominance. Human predators may also kick over your stuff to intimidate you. Whatever the reason, they do it to invade your personal space. Also, they destroy your dignity and sense of security.

You see? By using this tactic, they can violate your physical space without resorting to direct physical beatings. Therefore, they can humiliate you and emotionally destabilize you.

Bullying and Intimidation:

4. Flinging Your Hair Back.

If you’re a girl, bullies may fling your hair to violate your physical space. This is to assert dominance and control without an overt physical attack.

They may also pull or grab your hair, especially if it’s long. Long hair is just another thing abusers can exploit. When a bully grabs your hair, not only can they inflict instant pain, they can also control your movements.

Hair is the ultimate power-grab for human predators.

5. Flicking your nose with one finger.

Bullies may flick your nose to assert dominance. Moreover, they may also do it to dare you to hit them.

If an audience is present, they may do it to humiliate you. In bully-speak, they do it to “punk you out.”

6. Giving you a non-friendly slap on the back. 

Again, human predators do this to assert physical dominance without looking aggressive. Moreover, they send you the message that they can violate you physically without looking like it.

Then, they don’t have to worry about getting into trouble with authority.

By doing this, they can also inflict a stinging pain on your body. And they can intimidate you. They also do it to humiliate you in public. Why? Because bystanders know the slap on the back isn’t friendly.

Therefore, you end up looking like a punk.

Bullying and Intimidation:

7. Glaring at you from across a crowded room.

And why not? Because who’s paying attention? They know that in a crowd, others are less likely to notice this subtle tactic.

Therefore, to counter these types of sneak attacks. You must be just as sneaky. For instance, when you see the bully glaring at you, mirror his behavior.

In other words, return a hard, cold stare of your own. This lets the bully know that he doesn’t intimidate you.

8. Shoulder-Checking you as they walk past you.

Human predators pull this tactic to dare you. They also do it to signal that they’re ready for a physical showdown.

Therefore, you need to defend yourself. And you’ll have to do it using physical means. Why? Because it’s the only way you’ll get them to stop. Remember that bullies only respond to strength.

Bullying and Intimidation:

9. Knocking your cap off your head.

Just like the tactics we’ve already discussed, bullies do it to dare you. The message is, “I knocked your hat off. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Also, they do it because they’re looking for a fight. Why else would he invade your space like this? He is clearly trying to provoke you!

If you don’t respond appropriately, they will only escalate the behavior. But if you stand up to them, they’ll likely back off.

10. Making the T-Stance.

This is when they look at you. Then, they stand with their feet apart and open their arms wide, making a T-like posture. Bullies do this to dare you.

The message is, “Here I am! Bring it! Come on! I dare you!”

11. Making deliberate, sudden movements toward you.

For example, bullies may suddenly raise their fist to you. They may act like they’re going to punch your lights out. Or, they may lunge at you out of the blue. Then, they stop themselves and laugh.

Understand that they do this to startle you and get you to flinch. Bullies love to startle you. They get their kicks out of seeing you jump. Why? Because, to them, your perfectly normal reaction is proof that you’re afraid of them.

Bullying and Intimidation:

12. Doing Mock Physical Attacks.

For instance, your harasser may dance around the room and shadow box. However, by doing this, the bully is toying with you by showing you what he wants to do to you.

And he’s waiting, with bated breath, for the chance to square off. See it for what it is and refuse to let it intimidate you. For instance, you can calmly respond with one of these statements.

“Do you know how ridiculous you look?”

“Wow! Way to make yourself look like a total jackass!”

Then you can turn and walk away. Therefore, the best way to counter this type of person is to insult their intelligence. And do it in public.

This will likely make the bully back off. Why? Because bullies hate looking foolish and being called out on it.

13. Making deliberate acts look like an accident.

Most bullies won’t overtly attack you. Why? Because they don’t want to look bad in the eyes of bystanders and witnesses.

However, they hope they can make you attack them. Therefore, they do things like this to provoke you. And why not?

If they can get you to hit them, they can make you look like the bad guy.

Bullying and Intimidation:

14. Looming over you.

Bullies will loom over you to intimidate you. Moreover, they do it to signal dominance. They also loom over you when they’re ready to fight you.

They may stand over you when you’re sitting in a chair. Or, they may stand close enough behind you to physically touch you.

Again, the reason they do this is to rattle your nerves or get you to turn around and punch them. So, do what you have to do to make them back off.

But make sure that those around you know what they’re doing first.

15. “Accidentally” running into you or brushing past you.

Bullies do this to test your boundaries and see what you’ll do. Therefore, show them. No one has the right to touch you.

If you know they’re doing it on purpose, you have every right to defend yourself.

Bullying and Intimidation:

16. Targeting your sibling or best friend.

Human predators do this to get a reaction from you. Understand that if they can’t get the response they want by harassing you, they will go after someone you care about.

Therefore, do what you must to protect your loved one.

17. “Accidentally” Destroying your property.

Your bully might “accidentally” drop your music box and break it. Or they may step on your purse and break something inside it.

Realize that they’re doing it to provoke you. At the same time, if you call them out on it, they’ll claim that it was “an accident.” They’ll say they “didn’t mean to” tear up your stuff.

But you’ll know the truth just by their past behavior.

Bullying and Intimidation:

In Conclusion

Bullies will try everything outside of a direct assault just to intimidate you and dominate you. Here’s a quick recap of the intimidation tactics we just covered.

To get you rattled, bullies will resort to the following tactics.

  • Deliberately knocking over your drink and spilling it.
  • Plucking a piece of food off your plate and popping it in their mouths.
  • Kicking your purse or backpack over with their foot.
  • Flinging your hair back.
  • Flicking your nose with one finger.
  • Giving you a non-friendly slap on the back.
  • Glaring at you from across a crowded room.
  • Shoulder-checking you as they walk past you.
  • Knocking your cap off your head.
  • Making a T-stance.
  • Making deliberate, sudden movements toward you.
  • Doing mock physical attacks.
  • Making deliberate acts look like an accident.
  • Looming over you.
  • “Accidentally” running into you or brushing past you.
  • Targeting your sibling or best friend.
  • “Accidentally destroying your property.

The main goal of these tactics is to intimidate you. However, bullies may also use these techniques to assert dominance or challenge you.

They may also do it to provoke a desired reaction from you. So, see it all for what it is and what it’s designed to do. And respond accordingly.

This post is all about bullying and intimidation tactics so that you’ll recognize them when you see them and defend yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Intimidation Tactics: 15 Bully-Moves You Must be Aware of.

2. How to Expose a Bully: 5 Must-Know Tips to Rip off the Mask

3. Signs Verbal Abuse Will Turn Physical

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

6. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

resilience strategies examples

Resilience Strategies: 13 Powerful Tips to Stand Up to Bullying

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Want to know some resilience strategies to overcome bullying? Here are several you can use to help you stand tall when others bully you.

resilience strategies

Photo from Canva

When you’re being bullied, you must develop resilience strategies to keep your self-esteem from crashing. Therefore, in this post, you will learn several tips you can use to stay resilient and overcome bullying.

Once you learn all these powerful tools, you will be a force to be reckoned with. And you will remain powerful when bullies come for you.

This post will give you all the resilience strategies you need to stand strong and remain confident.

Resilience Strategies

How can you practice resilience if you don’t know how? Here are powerful tools you can use to stay in control and keep your power.

1. Know Where the Bullying Comes From.

Most bullies bully to mask their own fears and insecurities. Therefore, realize that their behavior comes from their own mental issues. It doesn’t reflect on you.

In other words, how they act says more about them than you. It shows their lack of character. Moreover, bullies aren’t happy people. If they were, they wouldn’t feel the need to bring you down.

Therefore, always know where their behavior stems from. It will work wonders for your self-esteem.

2. Know your worth.

When you know your worth, you’re less likely to let the cruel behavior of a bully faze you. Understand that you can never control the atmosphere around you.

Toxic people are everywhere, and you have no control over how they behave.

Knowing your worth means understanding the value you bring to this world. Moreover, you won’t suppress your true self for the sake of fitting in.

Instead, you’ll continue to be yourself despite how they behave. And you’ll have the courage to walk away from bullies and abusers.

You’ll find it easier to bail out of relationships that don’t fulfill you. And you’ll drop fake friends like a bad habit.

This is because you’ll realize that you don’t deserve mistreatment. Moreover, you’ll walk away without feeling guilty.

Knowing your worth means not caring about what others think of you. And it gives you so much freedom.

When you let your love come from within, bullying won’t have such an impact on you. It will hurt, yes. But it won’t be as devastating.

Resilience Strategies:

3. Practice confident body language.

Practicing confident body language does so much for your self-esteem. Studies show that if you act confident, you will soon become confident. Now who doesn’t love that!

Confident body language means having good posture. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back.

When sitting in a chair, don’t slouch. Sit up straight. Keep your spinal column in good alignment. Also, walk with purpose.

Psychologists who surveyed criminals asked them how they chose their victims. Want to know what those criminals answered? They said they picked their victims based on the way they walked.

And it’s one of the ways bullies also choose their victims. Therefore, always walk purposefully.

Your posture and how you walk should convey confidence. Slouching and walking aimlessly only communicates a lack thereof.

4. Take up space.

Powerful people take up space. They may stand with their feet shoulder-width apart and hands on their hips. Moreover, they may sit with their feet perched on their desk or legs apart.

They may also lean back in their chairs and clasp their hands behind their heads. Therefore, always convey power. And how you do it is to take up space.

Resilience Strategies:

5. Refuse to engage with your bullies.

By refusing to engage with your bullies, you remove their power. How? You may ask. You cut them off from any psychological rewards that a reaction may give them.

Now, this isn’t the same as ignoring them. When you ignore them, you don’t even look at them. And ignoring them doesn’t work.

However, when you refuse to engage, you give them a dismissive look. And you might scoff at them or curl your lip in disgust. But that’s it.

You give them just enough attention to show that they bore or disgust you. Then, you keep walking.

6. Use calm, cool, but short responses.

For instance, you can give your bullies a bored look, and calmly say, “Okay,” then keep walking. If they tell you that they hate you, you can calmly say, “That’s a you-problem,” then move on.

If they tell you that you’re a loser, you can say, “That’s your opinion.” You can also respond with, “Nice try,” or “Try harder next time.”

You can even pause, looking at them with pity or boredom. Then you can say, “Well, at least you tried.” Then walk away.

The key here is to respond in as few words as possible. The fewer words you use, the better. Why? Because it sends your bullies the message that they’re a waste of time.

For more roasts you can use to shut bullies down, go here.

Resilience Strategies:

7. Use stinging but funny comebacks.

Here’s an example: let’s say that your bullies tell you that you’re the most hated person in the school or workplace. You can come back with this gem of a quip.

“How did I get so lucky?”

If they tell you that your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army, you can say, “Oh, you shop there too, huh?”

However, calm and cool is key here. Tips six and seven won’t work unless you say it calmly. So, keep your emotions out of it. Emotions are the kiss of death to any comeback.

8. Focus on your goals.

When you focus and work consistently on your goals, you won’t have time to think about your bullies. And you don’t care what they’re saying about you.

Consistency is key here. The more you work on achieving your goals, the more likely you are to succeed at them. And when you enjoy the journey, that’s even better.

If you continue focusing on your dreams, you’ll be so busy that your bullies won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

Moreover, if you accomplish them, you’ll get to show them all up! And that will be the icing on the cake!

Resilience Strategies:

9. Form connections outside the bullying environment.

When you’re bullied, meeting people, especially new ones, can be difficult. And I say this from personal experience.

It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid people will reject you. After all, everyone you know already has. And you don’t want to risk it happening again.

However, you should never be afraid to meet new people. Why? Because they’re opportunities to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to befriend.

Why? Because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment. So, you aren’t a target to them and are unlikely to be one.

With total strangers, you can start with a clean slate. You have opportunities to put your best foot forward and make new beginnings.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy. Find out what you have in common. Be genuinely interested in the person. People love those who show genuine interest in them.

Make small talk and show them the awesome, one-in-a-million you.  I promise you that you’ll be glad you did. Moreover, your confidence and self-esteem will blast off!

10. Spend time with family and friends who love you.

When you’re being bullied, the last thing you want to do is keep company with those who bring you down. Therefore, spend time with people who lift you up.

Stick around those who love you and want what’s best for you. It’s the best way to keep your self-esteem from tanking. Moreover, it keeps you strong to face bullying another day until a door opens and you can escape the environment.

Resilience Strategies:

11. Take pride in your appearance.

When you look good, you feel good. Therefore, practice good grooming. Dress your best. Keep your hair neat.

You would be surprised at how being clean and looking sharp boost your self-esteem.

You don’t have to dress in the latest fashions or buy the most expensive clothes. The only thing you need is clean clothes that fit well and look sharp.

12. Indulge in your hobbies.

What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are,  do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Resilience Strategies:

13. Stand Up for Yourself.

When people bully you, you have the right to stand up for yourself. In other words, defend yourself.

If a physical bully hauls off and hits you, defend yourself physically. If a verbal bully attacks you with words, come back with a good burn.

Or you can look at them with boredom and blow them off with a “whatever.” There are many things you can do to stand up to a bully.

However you do it, always defend yourself with a good response, not an emotional reaction. Remember that bullies only respond to strength.

In conclusion

Being resilient isn’t hard. All you need is to know how to do it effectively. Here’s a quick recap of the tips we discussed.

  • Know where the bullying comes from
  • Know your worth
  • Practice confident body language
  • Take up space.
  • Refuse to engage with your bullies.
  • Use calm, cool, but short responses.
  • Use stinging but funny comebacks.
  • Focus on your goals.
  • Form connections outside the bullying environment.
  • Spend time with family and friends who love you.
  • Take pride in your appearance.
  • Indulge in your hobbies.
  • Stand up for yourself.

Practice these tips, and you just might show your bullies that you aren’t such an easy target after all.

This post was all about the resilience Strategies you can use to deter bullies so that you can bully-proof yourself and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Resilience: 16 Ways to Stand Tall When You Suffer Bullying

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

4. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up

5. Good Roasts for Bullies: 25 Comebacks that Shut Them Up. 

6. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

what can bullying teach you about people

What Can Bullying Teach You? 16 Lessons You Learn from It

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What can bullying teach you? What life lessons can you learn from being bullied? Here are all the answers you need.

what can bullying teach you

Photo from Canva

What can bullying teach you? Being bullied is hell. I won’t kid you. However, if you look for the lessons in it, it will teach you so much about life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the hard lessons being bullied can teach you.

Once you learn this knowledge, you will be able to remain confident when bullies come for you. And your mental health may be shaken but not broken.

This post will answer the unpopular question, “What can bullying teach you?” As a result, these answers will serve as a shield for your mental health.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

Bullying feels terrible. It can crush your spirit. However, if you look for the lessons in it, you will strengthen your confidence and save your self-esteem.

It took me many years to learn all I needed to learn from being bullied. But you don’t have to spend so much time trying to figure it out.

You can learn all you need to know in as little as 5-10 minutes – the time it takes to read this post. So, what can bullying teach you? Here are all the lessons you’ll learn.

1. that no one else is coming to save You.

Most schools today have policies against bullying. In fact, they’ve had them for at least a decade. However, bullying continues to get worse. And schools continue to ignore it.

In fact, they try to hide incidents of bullying. I can’t tell you how many articles I read about schools that refuse to allow parents to see any surveillance footage.

Therefore, you’ll learn the hard way that anti-bullying policies don’t work. And schools don’t care.

It’s the same in the workplace. Experience will teach you that workplaces protect bullies and punish victims. Therefore, you’ll realize that no one is coming to save you and you must save yourself.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

2. that You are the only person responsible for Your safety.

Again, you are responsible for your safety; no one else. Sure, schools and workplaces bear some responsibility. However, most of them don’t live up to it.

Anti-bullying policies are ineffective and have no teeth. And most institutions couldn’t care less. In fact, they will mostly side with bullies.

Therefore, it is you who must find ways to stand up to bullies.

3. to stand up to bullies No Matter What.

This is one of the most important lessons you’ll learn. Bullying will teach you that you must stand up to bullies even if they threaten you.

Physical bullies won’t leave you alone until you defend yourself.

Moreover, you’ll learn that giving in to their demands is rewarding them. And bullies always come back for more later.

4. That You are more Powerful than You Know

Power you don’t know you have is power you don’t have. In other words, if you have power but don’t know that you have it, there’s no way you can use it.

For instance, you can own a fast car. But if you don’t know how to drive the damned thing, you might as well not even have the car.

It’s the same with power. To have power, you must know you have it if you want to use it. If you’re a victim of bullying, bullies will try to convince you that you are powerless.

Understand that this is how they take your power away. Therefore, know that you have more of it than you realize. Don’t fall for their garbage.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

5. To deal with conflict, rejection, and threats

If there’s one thing bullying will teach you, it’s that sometimes, you must face conflict. You have two choices: either you deal with conflict or run from it.

If you stand up and face it head-on, people will likely leave you alone. And you won’t have as much conflict in your life. But if you run from it, you’ll have to run for the rest of your life.

Therefore, it teaches you not to fear friction.

6. The Importance of Self-Respect

Being bullied can teach you the importance of self-respect. Why? Because it forces you to set boundaries. Moreover, it forces you to enforce those boundaries if need be.

Remember that having boundaries is a part of having self-respect. And if you don’t respect yourself, who will?

7. The Importance of Knowing Your Worth

Bullying can teach you to realize that others can’t determine your worth.

And you won’t allow their behavior to shake you. Instead, you’ll realize that their actions say more about them than you.

Moreover, you’ll continue to believe in yourself no matter how they act.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

8. Why Confidence is Important

When you’re bullied, you learn the hard way that lack of confidence brings more mistreatment. Confidence is your first line of defense against bullies.

Once you learn this, you won’t allow your bullies to take it away. Because if they can take that away, everything else goes with it.

9. The Importance of Setting Boundaries

When people bully you, you quickly learn that setting boundaries is of the utmost importance. And this lesson can be a long and painful one.

How does it teach you to set limits? You may ask. It does so by showing you what abuse looks like. Before you can defend yourself, you must recognize disrespect.

Therefore, knowing abuse when you feel it can encourage you to be assertive and stand your ground. Moreover, you soon become fed up with it if it’s repeated.

And when you grow tired of it, you become less afraid of standing up to bullies. And trust me. Bullies can tell when you’ve had enough.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

10. The Importance of Developing a Quick Wit

Quick-wittedness is important when you’re dealing with bullies. Why? Because it disrupts the power imbalance. How? You may ask.

It does so by denying bullies the emotional reaction they’re looking for. When you keep your cool and deliver a humorous burn, you take control of the conversation.

And the best part is, you appear confident. Therefore, you’ll be compelled to learn it and use it effectively to keep bullies off your back.

11. Why You should Find Your Purpose

When you suffer bullying, it can light a fire under your ass. In other words, it will motivate you to find your purpose. How?

It gives you a “prove them wrong” attitude. You’ll get busy working on your goals. And you’ll pursue your dreams and ambitions. As a result, you’ll be determined to live a purposeful life.

This is how many victims of bullying find success. And success is the best revenge you could ever take.

12. The Importance of Working on Your Goals and Pursuing Your Dreams

This is closely related to the last section. So again, bullying can motivate you to focus on your goals and dreams.

You see? Working hard on your goals not only sets you on a path to success. It also takes your mind off the bullying.

When you’re busy chasing your dreams, you don’t have time to focus on what your bullies are trying to do to you. Moreover, you won’t worry about trying to impress them.

Instead, you’ll be too busy working on yourself to think about them. Your goals and aspirations will give you a healthy outlet. And while they’re busy running their mouths, you’ll have better things to do.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

13. The Importance of Keeping Your Power

Once bullies take your power away, it’s hard as hell to get it back. In fact, you’ll end up having to fight for it.

It’s much easier to maintain power than it is to get it back once they take it from you. And when you’re bullied, you usually learn this lesson too late.

14. The Human Predator/Prey Dynamic

In the animal kingdom, predators will scan a herd of elk for the weakest in the group. And once they spot it, that’s the animal they target.

Bullies are no different. They are also choosy about victims. This is one of the first things you learn if you pay attention. You also learn that you must make a choice.

Either stand up to them or remain subjugated.

15. That Bullies are Insecure Little Cowards

You’ll quickly notice that bullies always select “safe targets.” In other words, they choose victims who are least likely to fight back.

You’ll also notice that your bullies always have their friends to back them up. Remember that bullies can’t survive alone. They need groupies.

Moreover, you’ll discover that their aggression is just a facade to hide deep insecurity. Sadly, you may not learn these things until later.

What Can Bullying Teach You?

16. The Importance of Reading People

Body language matters more than words. Bullying will teach you the importance of reading a room and doing it quickly.

When you suffer bullying, you quickly learn to recognize hostility without being told. You’ll notice your bullies shooting you death glares and making themselves bigger by taking up space.

You’ll also recognize the posturing and the way their nostrils flare when they look at you. If nothing else, being bullied will teach you how to read body language like a newspaper!

And you will be able to use it to avoid toxic people later.

In Conclusion

Bullying can teach you many hard truths if you pay attention. Here’s a quick recap of all the lessons you learn.

  • No one else is coming to save you.
  • You are the only person responsible for your safety.
  • To stand up to bullies no matter what.
  • That you are more powerful than you know.
  • To deal with conflict, rejection, and threats.
  • The importance of self-respect.
  • The importance of knowing your worth.
  • Why confidence is important.
  • The importance of setting boundaries.
  • The importance of developing a quick wit.
  • Why you should find your purpose.
  • The importance of working on your goals and pursuing your dreams.
  • The importance of keeping your power.
  • The human predator/prey dynamic.
  • That bullies are insecure little cowards.
  • The importance of reading people.

The lessons you learn from bullying are hard-won. And I speak from experience. These are all the things I learned through years of suffering. And a few of them, I learned a little too late.

It took trial and error, and learning this way took a lot of time – time that I can’t get back. However, here’s the good news. What took me years to learn, you can discover in as little as 5-10 minutes.

This post provided all the answers to the question, “What can bullying Teach You?” And it did so to boost your confidence and help you stand strong against bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Importance of Confidence

2. People-Reading: 3 Reasons It Protects You from Bullying

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

5. Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to Be Responsible for Your Own Safety

6. 11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power 

3 elements of bullying vector

3 Elements of Bullying: What are They?

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‘Want to know the 3 elements of bullying? Here is a detailed description of each element so that you can not only recognize bullying but also distinguish it from other forms of conflict, such as jerky behavior or petty disagreements.

3 elements of bullying

Photo from Dreamstime

For any bad behavior to be classified as bullying, it must include these three elements.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about each of the 3 elements of bullying in detail, so that you will be able to recognize bullying with accuracy any time you see it. Moreover, you will be able to pinpoint it when it happens to you.

Once you learn about all these components, you will be able to call bullying by name and for what it is. More importantly, if you suspect that you are a victim, you will be more encouraged to stand up for yourself. In that, you’ll have a likely chance of overcoming your bullies.

This post is all about the 3 elements of bullying so that you can distinguish it from other forms of incivility and confidently name it, shame it, and successfully defend yourself against it.

3 Elements of Bullying

Three elements help you determine whether you’re being bullied or having a personality conflict. For an attack to be bullying, it must meet all of the following criteria.

1. Repetition

When there’s repetition, bullies repeat the same abuse. And they do it time and time again. But why do they do this? What’s the point in repeating the same tired bullshit over and over? Here’s why.

To brainwash you.

And if you want to get someone used to something that’s not comfortable, the best way to do that is to repeat it. And then slowly escalate it!

Why? Because over time, it slowly breaks down your defenses until it becomes instilled in your psyche. This is called the boiled frog technique.

So, is it any wonder bullies constantly bombard you with the same rhetoric? They’re trying to change the way you think about yourself completely.

You see? What they’re doing is trying to destroy your self-esteem. And tear down your confidence! If they can undermine those two things, they can force you to see yourself through their distorted lens.

Then, they can take your power. That’s why they spoon-feed you the same boring crap until you believe it too.

3 Elements of Bullying:

To Get others used to seeing you get bullied.

Your bullies replay this broken record to desensitize bystanders. You see? If they can get them used to seeing you get pummeled, they can reduce the chances of them helping you.

And once abuse becomes familiar, it will seem less evil until it soon becomes the status quo. After a while, people will think, “This is just the way things are done around here.”

Therefore, they’ll think nothing of it.

Then, they’ll get comfortable with it. And when they get comfortable with it, they start to believe that bullying you is okay. In fact, they may celebrate it because they see the rewards it brings.

That’s usually when bystanders start joining in. And why not? They’ve been watching your bullies getting rewarded for their behavior. And now they want some of those benefits too.

To make rumors and lies seem more truthful.

Joseph Goebbels once quoted, “Tell a lie once and it remains a lie. But tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

Therefore, when bullies start a nasty rumor about you, they will repeat it. And they may even get you to believe it if you aren’t careful.

Bullies understand that most people are lazy-minded. It takes an exceptional person to see lies that have stood the test of time.

Seeing through these kinds of falsehoods means recognizing context. Moreover, it means reading subtext. Debunking some lies requires doing a lot of reading and research.

Therefore, most people don’t want to put in that kind of work. And bullies know it, so they take advantage of it.

3 Elements of Bullying:

2. Deliberate harm

The harm bullies cause their victims is deliberate. Realize that the very goal of your bullies is to harm you, and do it badly enough to ruin your life.

However, they take small nibbles at first.

As I’ve mentioned in several earlier posts, bullying always starts subtly. Bullies repeat the same attacks to get you used to them. But what they’re really doing is softening you up for bigger attacks later.

Physical harm

Physical bullies like to inflict physical harm. However, they rarely start by beating the crap out of you. Instead, they take tiny jabs at first. In other words, they begin with “gateway behaviors.”

For instance, they may get in your face. Or, they may give you a tiny poke in the chest. They might even “accidentally” trip you. Maybe they run into you in the hall.

“Oops! Sorry about that.”

psychological harm

Psychological harm may start with body language. Bullies may give you a death glare to intimidate you. They may also roll their eyes or give you the side-eye.

Or, they may point at you. Bullies may also make jokes at your expense or give you backhanded compliments.

Moreover, they may look you up and down. Understand that these behaviors provide an entry point to severe psychological abuse.

Why? Because they’re hard to detect. And they’re easy for others to dismiss as joking. If you say anything, they’ll say that you’re “reading too much into it.”

3 Elements of Bullying:

Reputational Harm

Reputational bullying starts with non-verbal behaviors like eye-rolling or sighing. Bullies do this to express contempt when you walk into the room.

Or they may do the opposite. They may cozy up to you. Bullies may start by pretending to be your friends to get you to tell them your deepest secrets. Then, they’ll use them against you later.

3. Power imbalance

In other words, the bullies’ power always outmatches yours. Or, they may think that you are weaker. Therefore, they want to convince you of it too.

Power you don’t think you have is power you don’t have. Therefore, the brainwashing that we discussed earlier is just another way to reduce your power.

physical power

This applies mostly to bullies in school. However, it can go this way with adults too. Bullies with more physical power may resort to physical bullying. However, they rarely start that way.

Size

For instance, you have a bigger school bully picking on you because you’re a little guy. Naturally, this intimidates you because no one wants to get beaten up. Therefore, he uses his size to bully you.

3 Elements of Bullying:
Strength

For instance, a male bully may target a female victim. He may stand too close. He may tower over her. Moreover, he may progress to shoving, then to hitting, and the escalation continues.

He is clearly using physical strength to bully her.

numbers

As the old saying goes, “there’s strength in numbers.” Never underestimate the power of evil people in large groups. Bullies rarely bully alone.

They always run in packs. There’s nothing more intimidating than being bullied by 3, 5, or 10 people at once. Bullies know this. Therefore, groups use their numbers to bully you. Why? Because what can one person do against a large group?

social power

Social power is, perhaps, the best power there is. It trumps physical power or intellectual power any day of the week. So, what is social power?

It is the ability to influence others. It’s also the ability to attract people, make them like you, and make them want to do what you want.

Social Capital

Social capital is the number of connections you have, especially with people in positions of power. Most bullies have these kinds of relationships. And that’s why they feel so entitled to bully.

3 Elements of Bullying:
Power of influence

Also, most bullies can influence others to do their bidding. That’s why they have followers who do their dirty work for them.

intellectual power

Some bullies have intellect; others don’t. However, smarts do give you power.

Social intelligence

The most seasoned bullies have superior social intelligence. And they will weaponize it to the fullest extent. Why do you think they’re so good at manipulating social hierarchies?

And why do you think they have the power to tell people who they can and can’t talk to?  But realize that you don’t have to give them that power.

financial power

Bullies usually yield financial power in abusive relationships. However, they can also use their class position to bully those who make less income than they do.

For instance, an abusive husband may withhold financial resources from the wife to keep her dependent on his approval. It’s a form of coercive control. And it’s called financial abuse.

Moreover, bullies in higher financial status use that to bully those in lower income brackets.

3 Elements of Bullying

In Conclusion

 

Let’s recap. The 3 elements of bullying are:

  • Repetition
  • Deliberate Harm
  • Power Imbalance

Know that if you stand up to the bullies, you minimize their power. Moreover, you break the repetition and stop the deliberate harm they try to do.

Standing up to bullies isn’t a one-shot deal. It is consistent. Why? Because bullies are relentless. It usually gets worse before it gets better.

However, if you stand strong and stay consistent, they will eventually decide that you aren’t worth the hassle. And they will give up.

However, you can’t stand up to bullying until you know what it is and how to tell the difference between that and uncivil behavior.

This Post is all about the 3 elements of bullying so that you will easily distinguish bullying from conflict.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or just an Asshole?

 2. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

3. Incivility vs Bullying

4.  Bullying: What Is It? And What Are the 11 Types of It?

popular bullies at school

Popular Bullies: 10 Ways They Use Their Social Capital to Bully

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Want to know how popular bullies use their social capital as leverage? Here’s everything you need to know.

popular bullies

Photo from dreamstime

Popular bullies are the most destructive to their victims. These are the bullies with the most social connections. They have friends in high places.

Often, they have lots of power. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about popular bullies and how they use their social status to bury you.

Once you learn all this crucial information, you will be better able to outsmart them and save yourself a ton of trouble.

This post is all about popular bullies and the tactics they use, so you’ll be prepared to counter any attack they launch.

Popular Bullies

 These kinds of bullies are the most feared in schools, workplaces, neighborhoods, and communities. They can be the “cool kids” at school or the “Good Ol’ Boy” clique at work or in town.

Moreover, they can also be local politicians and businessmen. Or they’re members of well-known families in a particular area.

Money does help. However, these people don’t necessarily have to be rich to have these connections. I’ve known those who were quite poor who had these types of relationships as well.

What gives them their power is their connections with the right people. This is why bullies in these select groups are especially dangerous. They cause the most damage to their targets.

It isn’t money, it’s relationships with the right people.

These types of bullies proactively build a network of social relationships to reinforce their power. Therefore, they get protection from any accountability. In many cases, they already have close, well-established ties that go back several years.

These tight connections ensure that the bullies stay above reproach. Worst of all, they also give them carte blanche to ride roughshod over anyone freely and with impunity. These types will watch you closely.

These bullies know they have good name recognition, and they take advantage of it. Any time a bully has a ton of social capital, others will not risk alienating them. Why? They fear becoming the next target.

And if they target you, their followers will only follow their lead.

Popular Bullies:

Weaponizing their connections and popularity

This is why the most popular and well-connected bullies get away with deplorable behavior. They can do anything they want to anyone.

And they will use their connections and influence to destroy every aspect of your life. Also, they’ll never stop coming after you.

Understand that these bullies are very influential, persuasive, and, most of all, convincing. Their names alone carry considerable weight.

Moreover, they have trust, mutual understanding, and shared values that promote unity and strengthen their group. When one of them says something, even outsiders listen and take their word as fact!

Sacred Cows

They’re like “sacred cows” because they’re those whom others don’t dare question or speak against. And this goes even if they’re in the wrong.

When it comes to sacred cows, others may not necessarily like them. They may even hate them, but they do fear them.

So, even haters are careful not to speak against them publicly. They won’t even do it within earshot.

And if you’re a victim of these people, they can make your life hell. They can tarnish your name with smear campaigns. And others will believe it simply because of who the rumors and lies come from.

Popular Bullies:

Worst case Scenarios

They can also cause you to lose your job and black-list you, robbing you of any opportunity to find other employment. Moreover, they can destroy your ability to make new friends because others will be too afraid to associate with you.

If you own a business, they can discourage customers from patronizing it. They can also have their worker bees set it on fire and burn it to the ground.

And don’t put it past these bullies to trump up false criminal charges against you. They’ve been known to set innocent people up to be arrested. Or worse, they may send henchmen to pay you a visit or meet you on the street.

If you’re a kid in school, your self-esteem can also take a harder hit. And you’re likely to be paralyzed with fear.

So, how do they use their social capital to bully?

Many victims wonder how they do it. If you’re one of them, here are the answers you’ve been looking for.

1. They Control the overall narrative

These bullies decide who’s hot and who’s not. Who they target, who they leave alone, and who they favor. In other words, they choose who gets abused and who gets special treatment.

And they’re very protective of those they like. If you happen to get on their good side, then you will have a few perks. If you happen to be neutral and avoid their radar, you’re one of the lucky ones.

If they don’t like someone, they’ll use the power of suggestion to spread subtle rumors and lies. If you’re a target, they’ll paint you as unstable or dramatic. Then they’ll stand back and let the court of public opinion do its job

And why not? They already have credibility. So, others will automatically believe them.

Popular Bullies:

Once a Target, Always a Target.

. Additionally, they may even provoke you. Then they’ll retell the events in ways that make them look like the victim.

Moreover, once they have you in their sights, there’s no getting away from it. You’ll stay a target. If you’re foolish, you may try sucking up to them to get on their good side. But it won’t work.

You’ll only end up looking like a kiss-ass. And they (and everyone else) will laugh at you and keep treating you like something they scrape off the bottom of their shoe.

Again, once a target, always a target. It won’t matter what you do to try to appease them.

2. They turn bullying into fun and games.

Popular bullies are slick. They don’t bully you openly. Instead, they do it behind the veil of jokes. Or they may use sarcasm. You might even see them give an eye roll.

These kinds of bullies may also make impressions of you or create cruel memes about you. They use these tactics to bully you and avoid accountability. Worst of all, they usually do it in public.

And if you react, witnesses will laugh harder. The bullies will say that you’re “too sensitive” while acting innocent.

And you’ve got to admit. This is a good tactic because it does two things. It makes the bullies look like they’re only playing. And it gets bystanders involved without them knowing it.

Popular Bullies:

3. They use Social Exclusion.

Exclusion is one of the most powerful bullying tactics because it hides in plain sight. These kinds of bullies decide who’s in and who’s out.

For instance, they may organize an event and leave you out. They may create group chats without you (but about you). They may also ignore you publicly.

Also, they may silently pressure others not to talk to you. And the others may secretly like you and want to talk to you. However, they won’t do it in public because they’re afraid of losing their own social status.

4. They get others to do their dirty work for them.

Popular bullies fear exposure. Therefore, they’ll often use proxies to bully. In other words, they get others to bully you for them. They may drop hints rather than give open demands.

And the people they get to attack you are usually those of lower status. Why? Because those on the lower end of the hierarchy are trying to climb it.

But how do they motivate them? Easy! They give them incentives. They may promise to reward the proxy with a higher social status. Therefore, the worker bee will do what they must do to get it.

Popular Bullies:

5. They recruit authority figures.

Popular bullies are charismatic. And they use that to their advantage. They create positive connections with those in authority. For example, school bullies may build friendships with teachers and coaches.

They may also bond with other kids’ parents and family members. High-status bullies may appear respectful to adults. Moreover, they may be high academic achievers. And this impresses teachers and school staff.

On the other hand, others see you as “difficult” or “mentally imbalanced.”

They’re highly skilled in the social arena. This gives them a protective shield. So, if you report them for bullying you, others are likely to say, “This doesn’t sound like them.”

Charismatic bullies are harder to report.

6. They Use Social Risk against you.

People fear social punishment the most. And popular bullies know it. Therefore, they create an environment where talking to you is dangerous. And disagreement is death.

 The unspoken message is, “You’re either with us or against us.” Therefore, they make it impossible for anyone to be neutral.

Bystanders will stay silent to avoid losing friends, losing status, and becoming the next target. Therefore, bullying you becomes the status quo. Then, it becomes systemic.

Popular Bullies:

7. They Destroy your reputation.

These kinds of bullies can slowly influence others’ opinions of you. They may stick you with embarrassing labels and point out negative traits.

They may also exaggerate your mistakes and repeatedly bring up past incidents. Over time, people stop seeing you as a person. Instead, they begin seeing you as a collection of flaws and shortcomings.

And, instead of seeing you through their own lens, they begin seeing you through the eyes of the bullies.

8. They take the moral high ground.

Many high-status bullies act like they’re morally superior. Instead of saying, “We hate her,” they may say, “She’s toxic,” “she’s mentally unstable,” or “she deserves it.”

By doing this, they reframe their cruelty as justice. It also gives bystanders permission to join in without feeling guilty. Instead, they get to feel like heroes.

Popular Bullies:

9. They publicly humiliate you regularly. 

Public humiliation rituals are the worst kind of bullying a victim can suffer. People bullies love the audience. They like to target you in front of people.

For instance, they may attack you in class or in the lunchroom, where huge crowds gather. And they don’t only want to harm you, they want to show off their status by lowering yours.

So, they do this by publicly embarrassing you because it strengthens their dominance and reinforces the social ranking system.

Popular Bullies:

10. They use kindness as a strategy.

Strategic kindness is the best way to cover evil. These bullies may act nice in short bursts. They may compliment you occasionally. And they may be sweet to you in public and cruel in private.

However, they do this deliberately. And the reason is to keep you confused and on the back foot. You see, if they can keep you off balance, then they can bully you much more easily.

So, what can you do to protect yourself against these vile bullies?

It may seem so, but your situation isn’t hopeless. There are things you can do to lessen the damage and buffer your self-esteem from the attacks.

1. Build your own social capital.

In other words, befriend and align yourself with other targets. Why? Because you probably aren’t the only one these bullies torment.

If you can find people who were once a part of the bullies’ circle but were kicked out, that’s even better! They would be the ones who have private info about each of the bullies and their sycophants.

Moreover, they’ll be looking for a little payback. So, they’ll be only too happy to give you the details!

Establish tight connections with your fellow targets and those your bullies have double-crossed. Band together with them because nothing unites people like the shared anger and hatred toward an enemy.

Popular Bullies:

2. Be seen with your new friends.

Pal around with or eat out with them. Be sure you’re seen with as many of them as possible. This will provide you with a little protection! And the more targets and outcasts you connect with, the better!

Most importantly, always have their backs and make sure they have yours!

3. Make friends and handle your business outside the bullies’ element.

Make friends, take jobs, and seize opportunities away from town. If need be, move to a new area. Tell no one of your plans, where your new job is, your address, or where you’re moving to. Sometimes, it’s just best to vanish!

Do these things, and you’ll be much safer!

In Conclusion

Popular bullies get away with their abuse because social status gives them protection. People tend to trust those with high status more. Why? Because they often mistake popularity for goodness.

High-status bullies live under the Halo Effect. Therefore, people will likely excuse their evil deeds. Also, they’ll listen to public opinion and avoid the risk of being ostracized.

However, there are things you can do to protect yourself from popular bullies. Let’s do a quick recap on how to protect yourself.

  • Build your own social capital. In other words, make friends with other targets.
  • Be seen with your new friends.
  • Make friends and handle your business outside the bullies’ element.

This post was all about popular bullies and the ways they use social capital to bully you. It also gave you a few tips you can use to protect yourself from them so that you can bully-proof yourself and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Popularity and Bullying

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

bullying behavior examples

Bullying Behavior: 9 Behaviors in Bullies

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Want to know what the hallmarks of bullying behavior are? Here are all the characteristics you need to know.

bullying behavior

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Bullying behavior is hurtful and can cause a lifetime of damage. In this post, you will learn all the hallmarks of bullying so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Once you learn about these hallmarks, you will be better able to defend yourself because you will know what it looks like.

In this post, you will learn all types of bullying behavior so that you can stand up to it with confidence.

Bullying Behavior

Here are several hallmarks of bullying behavior. Some of them, we don’t consider often. But we need to.

1. Searching for flaws.

Bullies may not have anything on you. Therefore, they must search for dirt. And they must look hard for something to get angry at you about.

Bullies are on a constant hunt for things that are possibly wrong with you, and believe me. They’re like hounds sniffing a trail.

They will hunt for anything, no matter how tiny the flaw. Then, when they find it, they will blow it up and make a big deal of it.

So, understand that bullies are always on the prowl for dirt, controversy, and scandal. And if they can’t find anything, they will invent something.

So, here’s something you should know. If your bullies have to look for dirt, you did nothing to get on their “shadar.”

It’s not about them being angry, offended, or bothered by you. What it is about is power. And nothing else.

Bullying Behavior:

2. Barking Orders

When bullies order you around, they deny your equality and autonomy. Instead of respectfully asking for what they want, they bark off orders as if you’re a subordinate.

This is how bullies claim ownership of you. And they don’t have to be bosses or superiors to do it. Therefore, realize that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers, or your parents.

And if a classmate or coworker steps over the line and barks off an order, it’s as simple as saying, “I don’t take orders from you.”

The trick is to counter the order. It’s the only way to maintain your autonomy and keep feeling good about yourself.

3. Putting you down to feel better about themselves.

They may call you names to your face. Or, they may say bad things to others behind your back. However they do it, your bullies need to feel superior.

Therefore, they’ll tear you down to build themselves up.

Bullying Behavior:

4. Acting Superior.

Again, bullies never build up; they tear down. They do not create or restore, they destroy. And they don’t add to anything, but they subtract from everything.

When bullies act superior, they may stand near you with their heads up, looking down on you. They may also talk down to you like a child.

However, understand that they do this to make themselves look and feel superior. They also do it to conceal their own jealousy and insecurity.

Moreover, they may do it to hide low self-esteem. Many people do it because they feel inferior to you. Therefore, they need to drag you down to their level.

You owe it to yourself to learn and see what’s behind the mask of superiority. You must see through the facades that bullies put up.

And once you do, it will no longer bother you when people look down on you. In fact, you might even see the hilarity in your bullies’ collective fakery. And you’ll give them a scoff and a horselaugh as you walk past them.

Now that’s the way to take the wind right out of their sails! So, allow yourself a few chuckles. Why? Because, at the end of the day, these people really are quite entertaining- and pathetic.

Bullying Behavior:

5. Violating your boundaries.

Bullies think they are entitled. Therefore, they wipe their feet on you like a rug. So, how do they step on your boundaries? Several ways.

Ignoring you when you tell them “no.”

For example, a school bully may ask you to let them cheat off you during an upcoming exam. Because of the way they’ve treated you in the past, you give them a hard “no.”

However, instead of letting it go, they keep pushing the issue. They may try to lay guilt trips on you. Or they may threaten you. Whatever their reaction, they clearly don’t take no for an answer and keep hounding you.

Know that you have the right to say no when you don’t want to do something. Therefore, the person is violating your boundaries by repeatedly trying to change your mind.

Invading your personal space.

Your bully may stand a little too close to you. Or, they might tower over you while you’re sitting in a chair.

They may also resort to unwanted touching. For instance, your bullies may poke you in the chest as they’re shouting at you. Or they may give you a hard slap on the back as they deliver a backhanded compliment.

Male bullies may also commit sexual harassment against their female victims. They may grope her breasts or privates. Or they may touch her hair. If she tells them to stop, they’ll only continue to touch her without her consent.

Bullies may also block the door to keep you from leaving. Or they may block your path when you try to walk away. They may even reach out and pull you back.

Bullying Behavior:

Invading your privacy.

Bullies are notorious snoops. Why? Because they think they’re entitled to know the most intimate parts of your life.

For example, your bullies may snoop through your office after you’ve gone home for the day. They may even nose through your purse or mail.

They may also intrude by asking personal questions about your finances or your love life. And they may eavesdrop on your private conversations. In worst-case scenarios, they may peek through your windows while you’re undressing.

Emotional Abuse.

Bullies may gaslight you. They may also guilt-trip you for setting boundaries. Or they may give you the silent treatment after you tell them no.

They may also criticize you constantly or give you advice you didn’t ask for.

Bullying Behavior:

Interrupting you when you speak.

Bullies may talk over you. Or, they may butt into your conversations with your friends. But you must understand the reason they do this.

These kinds of people are all about power and control. Therefore, they use this tactic to dominate your conversations. Moreover, they may do it to silence you when you speak out about their abuse.

You see? The one thing bullies are afraid of is you reporting them or telling others about the way they treat you. Therefore, they try to shut you down every time you open your mouth. And they do it just in case you tell them off.

They may tell you to shut up or be quiet when you’re about to talk. My classmates pulled the same tactic on me, and this is why.

6. Leaving you emotionally exhausted.

Bullies have ways of sucking the life out of you. How? Through constant harassment, they keep you under stress. In fact, they put you on a never-ending alert.

Because of this, you eventually become exhausted. Therefore, if someone drains your energy, get away from them. Fast!

7. Getting offended easily.

Bullies are the easiest to offend. This is because they hide a lot of insecurity and shame. Therefore, they have a desperate need to control others’ opinions of them.

Moreover, they are constantly searching for something to fight about. These types of people are all about drama. If they can’t find something to yell at you about, they will invent it.

Bullying Behavior:

8. Extreme Jealousy

It doesn’t take much to make bullies jealous. Therefore, if you’re confident, successful, and well-liked, it will trigger their insecurities. And they will make you pay for it.

You see? Bullies despise anyone who appears a little luckier than they are. And if that person is someone they deem inferior, then look out! Because they will rain hell down on you.

9. Aggression.

Bullies use aggression to get what they want. They may use relational aggression, verbal or physical. To control you and get you to do what they want, bullies may start with verbal aggression.

However, if that doesn’t work, they may escalate to physical. Inflicting bodily harm is usually a last resort when nothing else has worked.

How to stand up to Bullying Behavior

When your bullies have to look for dirt, smile. Because if they must search, that means they have nothing on you. If they make something up, laugh. Reframe it by knowing that it isn’t true. And look at them with ridicule.

If they bark orders, don’t budge. Look at them like they’ve lost their mind and keep doing what you were doing.

If they put you down, calmly say something like, “It must really suck having to bring someone else down to feel better.” Point that out, and you’ve already won.

If they act superior to you, the best thing to do is mirror the behavior. For instance, if they look down on you, return the sentiment.

If they don’t take no for an answer, repeat your no, then walk away. If they invade your personal space, call them out on it. And if they invade your privacy, call that out too.

Don’t respond to emotional abuse. Instead, see it for what it is and what your bullies are trying to do. Just scoff at them and walk away.

If they interrupt you while you’re talking, give them a hard look and tell them, “Excuse me, I’m speaking. You can talk when I’m done.”

Have nothing to do with those who leave you exhausted. You’ll feel the bad energy they put out. Therefore, it’s best to avoid those who drain you.

If they get offended, that’s not your problem. Therefore, don’t let it bother you. And if they’re jealous. Again, their problem, not yours. Let them seethe and keep doing your thing.

If they use verbal aggression, put your hand up and don’t let it bother you. Walk away. But if they use physical aggression, you have every right to defend yourself. So, do so.

If they get in your face or touch you, haul off and knock the hell out of them.

Bullying Behavior:

In Conclusion

Here’s a quick recap of bullying behavior.

  • Searching for flaws.
  • Barking orders.
  • Putting you down to feel better about themselves.
  • Acting superior.
  • Violating your boundaries
  • Leaving you emotionally exhausted.
  • Getting offended easily.
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Aggression.

This post was all about bullying behavior, what it looks like, and how to stand up to it so that you can continue feeling confident and standing strong.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

2. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. Jealousy-Driven Bullying: 4 Signs They Bully You Because of Envy

Emotional Bullying: 7 Ways to Protect Your Self-Esteem

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Want to know good ways to protect your self-esteem from emotional bullying? Here are all the tips you need to know.

emotional bullying

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Emotional bullying isn’t as visible as physical bullying. However, it can still wreck your self-esteem.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to protect yourself so that you can protect your precious mental health and continue being the best version of yourself.

Once you learn all these crucial mind hacks and defensive maneuvers, you will be able to blow your bullies off with confidence.

This post is all about emotional bullying, so that you’ll know what it looks like and do the right things to protect your emotional health.

Emotional bullying

Imagine you’re an apple. You get dropped on the floor several times. Not hard, but dropped. On the outside, others won’t see the damage.

But cut the apple in half, and you see all the bruising. That’s what this kind of abuse does. It injures you on the inside.

In other words, you may look fine on the outside, but on the inside, you’re wrecked. Emotional bullying harms your confidence and self-esteem. It totally destroys your self-worth.

When bullies resort to emotional bullying, here are the tactics they use.

  • Smear campaigns to isolate you and prevent you from having friends.
  • Gaslighting to discourage you from speaking out or defending yourself.
  • Blaming you for every problem, regardless of whether you had anything to do with it.
  • Public humiliation to undermine your intelligence, credibility, or value.
  • Name-calling.
  • Exclusion.
  • The silent treatment.

Here’s how to protect yourself from emotional bullying.

Protecting yourself emotionally depends on how you look at your bullies’ attacks.

1. Reframe the attacks.

Reframing means to look at something from a different point of view. Here are a few scenarios.

You lose friends because of bullying.

If your bullies lie about you and cause you to lose friends, it may hurt. And it may hurt like hell. I won’t kid you. However, you can look at it like this. They were never your friends to begin with.

You see? When your friends believe your bullies and turn their backs on you, they’re revealing themselves. They’re showing you who they really are. They’re basically telling you that they never thought much of you in the first place.

Fake friends will turn and flee when the temperature rises. But true friends will walk through the fire with you.

True friends won’t be swayed by your bullies’ rhetoric. They will have your back no matter what. And they will stand beside you under the worst kinds of pressure.

So, let the cowards go. I know it hurts. But when someone shows you what kind of person they are, believe them.

2. Make friends on the outside. 

If you’re being bullied at school, make friends with kids who do not attend your school. If people bully you at work, make friends, and forge relationships with those outside your place of work.

This may not be as convenient. However, you would be amazed at what it can do for your self-esteem. Getting support somewhere else beats not having any at all.

Emotional Bullying:

3. Realize that your peers aren’t the most important people in your life.

In other words, they’re not the only people in the world. There’s a big, wide world outside the toxic environment.

They aren’t the only people who’ve ever known you. And they won’t be the only ones who will know you in the future. They’re just the only group of people whose views of you are based on lies and false information.

Therefore, realize that these people should matter the least to you. Your friends and positive relationships are outside that toxic environment. And more positive relationships will come your way. I promise you!

Here’s how to forge new relationships outside the environment.

Join clubs and interest groups.

For instance, if you’re into music, join a music club. If you’re into numbers, join a math club. If you’re into motorcycles, join a biker group. And no, I don’t mean groups like The Hell’s Angels. There are healthy bike clubs you can join.

Take a Class.

Taking classes not only improves your intellect, but it also gives you great opportunities to make friends. Therefore, if there’s a class you’ve been thinking about taking to improve yourself, do it.

Join a church.

You should go to church to worship. That much is true. However, there are many added benefits to it. One of those advantages is the chance to make new friends who will support you.

Emotional Bullying:

Join a Scout troop.

If you’re a kid who is bullied in school, you may be hated by your classmates. But you can join a scout troop and be loved by all the kids there.

Here’s Something to keep in mind.

Just don’t tell anyone what you’re going through at school or at work. Not at first. Give them time to get to know you.

The only places you should talk about what you’re going through are religious and therapy groups. Feel everyone out first.

You’re not trying to find a place to dump all your problems. You’re trying to find one where you’re valued and respected.

4. Fake it If you have to.

In other words, don’t give your bullies the satisfaction. Appear calm and confident even when you feel like you’re about to fall apart. Only talk honestly with your most trusted people.

5. Don’t vent or gossip.

It will only make you feel worse in the end. Also, it will only make you look as bad as your bullies. And, you’ll look unstable.

Distance yourself from your bullies. They may notice it and accuse you of being stuck up or standoffish. But what they think shouldn’t matter because your focus is self-care. And self-care is of the utmost importance when you’re a target of bullying.

And what you want is to take the sting out of the bullying you suffer.

Emotional Bullying:

6. Define Yourself.

You must define yourself, or others will do it for you. Never allow your bullies to define who you are.

Understand that your bullies may think they know you. They may attempt to define who you are. However, only you know what you are.

When bullies have the audacity to tell you who you are, they try to play God. They want to drag you into their world of make-believe.

Moreover, they want to force you to replace your thoughts of yourself with theirs. But know this. To accept others’ definition of you, you must discard your own.

Don’t let your bullies do that. Hold on to your self-belief. Refuse to let bad eggs make you feel rotten.

7. When bullies talk about you, Use reverse psychology.

Bullies will always have something negative to say. And you do not need their approval. So instead of thinking there is something wrong with you, why not look at it this way?

When bullies talk badly about you, here are several ways you can look at it.

  • They make you relevant.
  • It means you get to live in their heads rent-free.
  • You must be doing something right.
  • It means you aren’t boring.
  • You control them, they don’t control you.
  • You have the power to stir them up without trying to.
  • They wish they could be you.
  • They can’t control their own lives, so they want to control yours.
  • It means they’re obsessed with you.

This should make you feel good, not bad. So, let them talk. Why? Because some things don’t need a defense.

Just sit back, smile, and let their pettiness amuse you rather than hurt you. Don’t let your bullies get into your head.

Your mind is yours. Keep it that way.

Emotional Bullying:

In Conclusion

Protecting yourself from emotional bullying means loving yourself even if others don’t love you back. Continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity, and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it from hitting rock bottom.

Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you can snatch them back. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them kill it.

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by. Here’s a quick recap on how to protect yourself from emotional bullying:

  • Reframe the attacks.
  • Make friends on the outside.
  • Realize that your peers aren’t the most important people in your life.
  • Fake confidence if you must.
  • Don’t vent or gossip.
  • Define yourself.
  • Use reverse psychology.

This post is all about Emotional bullying so that you can recognize it and know how to defend yourself against it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

2.  Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Jealousy-Driven Bullying: 4 Signs They Bully You Because of Envy

4. When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

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25 Gaslighting Phrases Bullies Use to Dominate and Control You

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Want to know 25 gaslighting phrases bullies use to control you? Here are the twenty-five most common manipulative statements you need to know.

25 gaslighting phrases

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It’s funny how protecting yourself from bullies can be twisted into over-sensitivity, paranoia, vindictiveness, or vengefulness. But that’s exactly what bullies, or, in this case, gaslighters, are good for.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn 25 gaslighting phrases bullies use to control you. Once you learn all these phrases, you will be ready to respond confidently the next time a bully tries to gaslight you.

This post will give you 25 Gaslighting phrases you need to know to prepare you, so you can respond to gaslighters calmly and effectively.

25 Gaslighting Phrases

When bullying progresses to a point where you have to wear a body camera to work or school, that’s when you know without a doubt you’re being gaslighted. So, it’s most important that you trust those feelings.

And sometimes, things get so out of control that you may need to wear a body camera. And when you do, make sure you catch it raw and unfiltered.

Also, be sure no one, not even your best friend, knows you’re wearing it. Why? Because if anyone finds out, you risk retaliation. Moreover, they may destroy your evidence.

But realize that once the evidence is out, whether it comes out in court, your bullies will realize they’ve been busted. Then, they will continue to gaslight you, especially to others. They’ll accuse you of being sneaky, shady, scandalous, or unstable.

However, to catch gaslighting early on, before you ever have to wear a body camera, you must know as many gaslighting phrases as possible. Here are the 25 most common.

1. “You’re too sensitive.”

Bullies tell you this to make you feel like a wimp. They know that if they can make you look like a crybaby, they can shame you into shutting up.

Moreover, they can take the spotlight off their behavior and shine it on your reaction to it. And sadly, it works like a charm.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

2. “You’re making something out of nothing.”

This phrase has the same goal as the first one. Bullies use your reaction to their abuse to cover up their behavior that provoked it.

If they can make your reaction seem over the top, they can shift the negative attention to you. Moreover, they can shut you up.

3. “I never said that.”

Bullies gaslight you with this statement to make you look dishonest. When they deny something they know they said, those who didn’t hear might look at you as if you’re telling lies about them.

Therefore, denials are meant to make you out to be a liar.

4. “Are you sure you’re remembering things correctly?”

This is a big one here. Bullies will often question your memory of events. However, it isn’t because they wonder if you’re having trouble with it.

Bullies know good and well that you can remember just fine. But they’re trying to make those around you think you have a poor memory.

You see? If others doubt your memory, you come across as not knowing what you’re talking about. And the bully looks innocent.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

5. “I’m not angry. If I were angry, you’d know it.”

Like some of the other phrases, this one does several things at once. It helps them avoid accountability and shuts you down by making you look dramatic. It’s also meant to intimidate you.

Think about the last part of that phrase. “If I were angry, you’d know it.”  They’re saying that what they did was tame compared to what they could do to you. So, you’d better watch out.

6. “It’s your fault.”

When someone gaslights you with this, they’re justifying their behavior. And they’re doing it by claiming that you did something to provoke it.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

7. “You bring it all on yourself.”

Just like the last phrase, this one says that their abuse is your fault. In other words, they blame you for their bad behavior.

Moreover, they imply that you deserve it, so you should just stand there and take it. Why

8. “If you hadn’t done this then I wouldn’t have done that.”

Same thing, different words. This phrase takes the blame off the bully and shifts it over to you. In other words, the bully is blaming you for their behavior. And you should take it because you deserve it.

This is how so many bullies get away with abuse.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

9. “You made me do it.”

This is a classic gaslighting phrase. “You made me hit you!” Again, this implies that you did something to provoke the behavior.

10. “You’re out of your mind.”

Bullies use this phrase to make you look unstable. And it works. Why? Because who’s going to take you seriously if you have a mental health issue?

11. “You’re mentally unstable.”

Same thing, different wording. However, most bullies tell you that you’re “crayzeee!” They don’t use the term “mentally unstable.”

12. “Nobody’s ever going to love you.”

Abusive partners gaslight you with this to discourage you from leaving them. However, if you’re currently enduring domestic abuse, your partner doesn’t love you.

He just wants to control you.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

13. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”

Ha! Bullying partners love throwing this phrase around. They use this to blame you for their abuse. Moreover, they make themselves look like the victim.

By doing this, they make you feel guilty for defending yourself. And they make others believe that you are the cause of their behavior.

14. “This is why nobody likes you.”

Bullies at school use this gaslighting phrase all the time. This is another way of blaming you for the rotten things they do to you.

Moreover, they want to take your lack of friendship and rub it in your face.

15. “You’re being petty.”

In other words, they’re telling you that you’re being small-minded. It’s another form of victim-blaming.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

16. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”

In other words, they’re saying that you’re making it bigger than what it is. It’s their way of trivializing what they did and making your reaction to it seem over the top.

Don’t fall for it!

17. “You can’t take a joke.”

People use this statement when you stand up to cruel jokes. Therefore, when a bully gaslights you with this, you can respond with, “Jokes are supposed to be funny.”

18. “You’re insecure.”

This isn’t only victim-blaming; it’s projection. The bullies are the insecure ones. Otherwise, they wouldn’t feel the need to mistreat others.

19. “You’re jealous of me.”

Bullies use this phrase when you call them out on their behavior. “You’re just saying that because you’re jealous of my life.”

Right! What they’re really doing is trying to take the attention away from their evil deeds. Moreover, they’re trying to make you look inferior.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

20. “It’s all in your mind.”

Bullies use this phrase a lot. And they do it to make themselves look innocent. By claiming that you’re only imagining their abuse, they make you look like a drama queen.

No one listens to drama queens except people who are just like them. And bullies know it.

21. “It’s just your imagination.”

Same message, different words. Bullies look innocent when their abuse is made to look imagined. Therefore, they make you look like you have paranoia.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

22. “If you love me, you’ll do this.”

This is how women get duped into having sex before they’re ready. Manipulative and abusive partners and dates use this phrase to get what they want.

And they do it all the time.

23. “You’re not perfect either.”

This phrase isn’t as potent as the others. In fact, it’s pretty weak. But bullies still use it. I can tell you that I’ve had them use it on me. The good news is that it’s easy to blow off.

Why? Because no one is perfect. And you know that.

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

24. “It’s all in your head.”

This is number 20 and 21 repackaged. Bullies use this statement to make it look as if you’re imagining their abuse.

25. “I’m doing this for your own good.”

Bullies and people in power use them to guilt you into doing something that will be harmful to yourself. And they play on your empathy and love for humanity to do it.

The best way to combat this is to see these two phrases as sure signs of manipulation. And follow your instincts.

Moreover, question their motives. Try to figure out what would be in it for them if you complied. Also, think of what could go wrong if you complied.

Also beware the phrases “for the greater good” or “for the good of humanity.”

25 Gaslighting Phrases:

In Conclusion

Gaslighting happens everywhere – at home, at work, at school, everywhere. Realize that no matter how you do it, you absolutely must protect yourself. Doing so requires that you know gaslighting when you hear it or see it.

It also requires that you maintain your sense of self. And you must set boundaries. If you did not provoke these bullies, stand strong.

And never let them twist the facts and accuse you.

This post gave you a list of the 25 Gaslighting PHRASES You’ll likely hear when you’re being bullied so that you’ll be ready to defend yourself the next time it happens.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

2.  Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways It Impacts Victims

5. How to Avoid Being Gaslighted: 5 Easy Tips to Protect Yourself

6. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims