Tag: School Bullying

School Bullying

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Bullying and School Performance: 3 Ways Bullying Effects Grades

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Want to know about bullying and school performance? Do you realize how bullying affects victims’ grades? Here are three effects you need to know about.

bullying and school performance

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Bullying can have a devastating effect on grades and class performance. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying and its impact on school performance, giving you another reason to help your child overcome it.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be more compelled to assist your child and keep track of their grades.

This post is all about bullying and school performance, so that you not only protect your child’s mental health, but also their future.

Bullying and School Performance

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, it puts your mind on high alert. Safety takes priority over lessons.

How can you concentrate on schoolwork when you’re constantly under threat? Sadly, you can’t. No one can learn when they’re stuck in survival mode.

Why does bullying cause your grades to drop?

I experienced it firsthand. In the school where I was bullied, my grades sucked.

After I transferred to my new school, my grades skyrocketed. I made Cs and Ds at the old school. But in my new school, I made all As and one B on the first report card.

And, for the first time in six years, I made the honor roll. I can’t tell you just how proud I was! Here’s why your grades plummet when you’re being bullied.

1. YOUR brain lives in survival mode.

Survival mode shuts down the brain’s learning center. It’s almost impossible to learn anything in school.

You see? When you’re in fight-or-flight mode for an extended period, it affects certain parts of the brain. The areas responsible for memory, emotional regulation, and relationships will weaken.

Therefore, is it any wonder that victims of bullying have such poor marks and class performance?

2. You stop believing in yourself.

When others bully you, they likely tell you:

  • “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “You’re worthless.”
  • “You’re hopeless.”

And, they make so many other depreciating comments. Moreover, they repeat the same thing a thousand times over. After so long, you start to believe them if you aren’t careful.

This is how you develop a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.” And soon, you stop trying. That’s when your grades start to fall.

Bullying and School PERFORMANCE:

It also stunts your social development.

In life, you don’t only need academic skills, you also need social skills.

Social intelligence will always supersede book-smarts. It will get you much further than college degrees alone.

This is the reason high school dropouts become millionaires. It’s also why many college graduates are flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

Social skills are the most important assets you can have. Those who are great with people earn the highest incomes.

Social skills matter more than a good education.

For a long time, everyone thought that charisma was the one skill you couldn’t teach. You were either born with it, or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, there was nothing you could do to change it.

Thankfully, we know better today.

Bullying and School Performance:

Self-Esteem matters.

Bullies can batter your self-esteem into oblivion if you let them. As a result, you’ll withdraw from the rest of the world.

You’ll become afraid of other people. Even worse, you’ll soon start believing that you’re inferior to everyone else. And you’ll avoid social situations.

Moreover, you’ll begin to live inside your own head. You will create a fantasy world. Then, you’ll shut out the “real world” and live there.

This is not good. Why? Because you stop watching others and the world around you. As a result, you stop learning the social cues you need to nurture relationships. Thus, you won’t be able to create a good life for yourself.

Before long, you’ll become socially awkward.

Instead, you’ll look right through people rather than smile and say “hello.” Moreover, you’ll look spaced out or sullen. Even worse, you’ll feel emotionally numb.

You must protect your self-esteem as you would your life.

This is why you must protect your self-esteem. How do you do this? You do it by keeping your heart open. Never miss the opportunity to meet new people. This is how you make friends.

Therefore, create positive interactions and experiences. And do it even if you must go outside the bullying environment. Do what you must do to keep your self-esteem intact.

Bullying and School Performance:

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight.

Therefore, you can’t flourish in misery. Bullying fills you with self-doubt. As a result, it kills your dreams. How can you believe in yourself when toxic people constantly shower you with abuse?

When all you get are insults, you become exhausted. It drains you of positivity until it depletes you of it. You begin seeing yourself through the eyes of your bullies.

Then, you give up on yourself. And, when others look at you, they see someone who’s slow and lackluster. And teachers will think you’re a lazy student.

When you suffer bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but rain. Like the flower, you don’t grow and develop properly.

Again, when you’re bullied, you’re on guard 24/7. Why? Because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What happens is you lose your happiness. You lose confidence. Moreover, you lost sight of your goals. In short, you allow your bullies to turn you into someone you don’t even recognize anymore.

Bullies TAKE the joy out of life.

Instead of concentrating on your studies, you daydream about escaping. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck. Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse.

You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer.

As a result, you stop observing life around you. And you stop learning the lessons it’s trying to teach you. All the while, the bullying only gets worse.

Why? Because those around you know that you’re living inside your head. And they ridicule you for it.

Those who don’t know you may mistake you for being lazy or slow. However, it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself.  And the bullying only gets worse.

This is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Bullying and School Performance:

I’ve Been There.

I understand how you feel. And I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, you can’t grow without positivity.

Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight. Humans need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just one or the other.

Too much negativity stunts your psychological growth. Then, your happiness, confidence, and dreams will die. Too much positivity, and you lose touch with the real world.

Then, you become arrogant and tyrannical! There has to be a healthy balance between the two before you can grow.

Stop giving your bullies value they don’t deserve.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t matter.

They may claim to know you better than you know yourself. However, nobody can possibly know you like that. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies want you to be as miserable as they are. Stay away from them. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with those who love you and uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope. You’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are. Never let bullies destroy what matters most.

And that’s your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours. They’re not for anyone else to have!

Practice self-care. And, if at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment. Go to a new place where you can grow and flourish. Go where you can make friends and be not only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who let you shine and the sun shine on you!

Bullying and School Performance:

Once you move to a healthier environment, your Grades will skyrocket!

If a plant is wilting, you don’t change the plant; you change its environment. Therefore, when you change your environment, your grades can only go up!

In a new school, you get a second chance. You will have no history with your new classmates. Therefore, you can get a fresh start with a clean slate. You can make friends out of your new peers and teachers.

And when you do, you will have more confidence than you ever thought possible. Then, watch your grades go through the roof! It happened for me. And it will for you too!

In conclusion

Sometimes, your environment can determine whether you succeed or fail.

School bullying can wreak havoc on your mental health. In that, it can destroy your grades. However, once you transfer to a new school, your marks can only go up!

This post is all about bullying and school performance so that you’ll know how bullies can affect your grades. This will encourage you to ask for a transfer if things get unbearable. 

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self-Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. The Impacts of Bullying: 10 Negative Outcomes on Victims

3. Culture of Bullying in Schools: Why Schools Lose Money

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Bullying by Teachers in School: 7 Steps to Protect Yourself

bullying investigation

Bullying Investigation: 6 Sources of Evidence that Proves Bullying

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Have you ever wondered what you must have for a bullying investigation? Here are the kinds of evidence you’ll need if you report that you’re being bullied.

bullying investigation

If you’re a victim of bullying, you’ve probably thought about reporting it to the higher-ups. Most schools and workplaces have anti-bullying policies. Sadly, these policies have no teeth.

 Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the things you need for a bullying investigation so that you can gather the right evidence and prove your case.

Once you learn all these crucial details, you will be better able to take action against your bullies and win.

This post is all about the ingredients of a good bullying investigation, so you’ll have the materials you need to come out on top.

Bullying Investigation

Any time there’s a case of bullying, schools and companies usually say they’ll conduct an investigation and get back with you. However, most investigations never happen.

Most school officials and workplace managers don’t want the hassle. Therefore, they make promises they don’t keep.

Anti-Bullying policies don’t work.

Many schools and workplaces have policies against bullying. However, unless they enforce those policies, they might as well have none at all.

Here are the reasons that anti-bullying policies rarely work.

1. Most institutions only make these policies to look good.

Most institutions today have policies against bullying. However, it’s only because they’re required by the government. These guidelines are only for decoration.

In fact, these entities have had anti-bullying policies for at least a decade. Yet, cases of bullying continue to rise exponentially. Moreover, schools and workplaces continue to ignore it.

Schools sweep incidents under the rug. They also refuse to allow victims’ parents to see any surveillance footage of bullying attacks.

Schools sometimes blame the victim and take revenge against parents who fight for their child. And workplaces usually blame the victim rather than discipline the bullies.

Therefore, the only reason these policies exist is to make the institution look good.

Bullying Investigation:

2. People in authority don’t enforce them.

Remember that authority usually sides with power.

In other words, teachers and school staff may take the bully’s side because the bully has more power. Workplaces do the same thing.

They think it’s easier to blame victims. Realize that it isn’t about protecting victims. It’s about making the problem go away.

And how they make the problem go away is by silencing victims. This is wrong.

Therefore, you had better have the right evidence on hand if you expect to come out of any bullying investigation the winner. So, what types of evidence do you need? Check out the list below.

Sources of Evidence that PROVE Bullying

1. Documentation.

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you at school or at work, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

If you’re a victim of bullying, it can have long-term, devastating effects on your life. Sadly, school officials, corporate managers, parents, and even law enforcement still can’t fully comprehend the daily torment victims endure.

This is why documenting the bullying is the best thing you can do. It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your classmates or coworkers are bullying you. Why do I say this?

Because chances are that no one is coming to rescue you. Even if you report bullying to school staff or HR, they likely won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Although they may be in a position to help you, it doesn’t mean they will. They will only have their own interests in mind. Therefore, you must do your own investigation.

Again, the responsibility is on you. No one else! Where victims of bullying mess up is when they rely on others to investigate bullying. This is a grave mistake!

Moreover, if you’re a teenager being bullied by a teacher at your high school, you especially need to document it! In other words, keep a log of the bullying. You do this by keeping a bullying journal.

Bullying Investigation:

Why Document Bullying?

Bullying, especially the psychological and emotional kind, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not want to help you. 

Therefore, you must document everything. Here’s why.

  • Bullying is hard to prove.
  • Bullies are experts at making you look like the bad guy.
  • They use their physical appearance.
  • They weaponize your reaction to their abuse.
  • They play the victim.
  • Most Schools and Workplaces Protect Bullies.
  • It Gives You Evidence to present in court or tribunals
  • It establishes a pattern.
  • And it gives you a voice.
  • It makes your story more credible.
  • It’s good therapy for you.

The school or company may tell you that they’ll investigate the bullying. But they likely won’t. If they do an investigation, they’ll do it to keep their own asses out of hot water, not to protect you.

Therefore, you must be your own detective and build your own case. Keeping a bullying journal is one way to do this.

Do’s and Dont’s of documentation

 When you document bullying in your journal, you must think about the quality of the information. 

  • Don’t be Vague.
  • Stick to the facts.
  • Use the 5W Rule (what, who, when, where, why, and sometimes How). 

There is a right and wrong way to document bullying. Therefore, we’ll talk about the right way first. The best way to document is to use the 5W Method.

Bullying Investigation:

How to Document Bullying:

Here’s what to include, using the 5W Rule.

  • What – what happened.
  • Who – who the bullies are. Also, include who the bystanders are.
  • When – write the date and exact time of the bullying incident.
  • Where – where it happened, school bathroom, workplace parking lot, etc.
  • Why – if you know the reason, include that.

You can also write down how.

2. recordings.

You can use a hidden body camera or a digital recorder. You can use both, if you prefer. However, here’s a word of caution. You must become familiar with your state’s laws on recordings.

Some states have a one-party consent rule, and others have a two-party consent rule. If you live in a one-party consent state, using recordings to gather evidence is illegal.  And it could easily backfire on you.

On the other hand, if you live in a two-party consent state, you are free to record. Therefore, consider wearing a hidden body camera or carrying a digital voice recorder to work.

But read the company’s policy first. Some companies have clauses that prevent recordings on their property.

Bullying Investigation:

3. Electronic Evidence: Screenshots, saved emails, and saved messages.

Take screenshots of any company email exchanges you had with your bully. However, your company likely has software that monitors the entire network. In other words, they will be watching you.

Moreover, they will have a keylogger that records every keystroke you make. So if you use the company computer to take screenshots, they’ll know.

Therefore, use your phone to photograph the email exchanges. When you do it this way, you won’t blow your cover and will keep your investigation secret.

If bullies bully you at work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in a different place. The trick is to take precautions in case someone associated with your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping.

If your workplace bully sends you a mean or threatening text, save it. The more evidence you gather, the more you build your case. Therefore, the more likely you are to get justice.

4. Pictures of physical bruises.

If your bully physically attacks you, you must have evidence that supports your claim. Therefore, take pictures of any bruises, scrapes, or cuts.

Bullying Investigation:

5. Medical documents.

If a bully does bodily harm and you need medical attention, it’s best to get copies of the hospital records for court. Hospital records and medical bills provide proof of physical bullying and will compel the courts to award money for damages.

6. psychiatric records.

Like medical records, psychiatric records serve the same purpose. They prove mental stress and can get you money for that.

Bullying Investigation:

In Closing

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must cover your own butt. So, do what you must do to gather evidence of bullying and build your case.

Remember. Nobody can watch your ass but you.

This post is all about The types of evidence you need for a bullying investigation and Why you should gather your own evidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying

2. How to Prove Workplace Bullying: 3 Types of Proof You Need

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

6. How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal

bullying and manipulation examples

Bullying and Manipulation: 15 Simple Ways to Protect Yourself

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Bullying and manipulation go hand-in-hand. Here are all the tips you need to protect yourself from manipulative bullies.

bullying and manipulation

Manipulators can ruin your life if you let them. They encroach on your autonomy and your freedom.

In this post, you will learn how to stand up to bullying and manipulation so you can live your life in peace.

Once you learn all about these crucial tips, you will be able to confidently stand up to bullies who try to manipulate you.

This post is all about bullying and manipulation, and it shows you how to stand up to it to preserve your autonomy.

Bullying and Manipulation

Again, bullying and manipulation are close siblings. Why? Because, through their abuse, bullies convince you that you’re nothing. This happens so slowly that you won’t even know it’s happening. In fact, bullies often hide behind the veneer of kindness to manipulate.

That’s how manipulators do it- slowly and bit by bit! However, you don’t have to allow it. Here are things you can do to stop manipulation in its tracks.

1. Know who you are.

When you know who you are, you’re least likely to allow bullies to manipulate you. In other words, they may tell you that you’re worthless. But if you know you’re not, you won’t let yourself believe it.

You’ll also stand up to bullying. Knowing who you are means that you know that you don’t deserve abuse. Therefore, you will stand up to any bully who tries to cross the line with you.

And you’ll do it with confidence.

2. Listen to your gut.

Your gut feeling is that innate alarm system that warns you when danger is nearby. Your mind may play tricks on you, and your heart may mislead you. However, your gut never lies.

At different times in your life, you will meet those who trigger your inner alarm. You won’t be able to easily explain the feeling they give you.

The only way you’ll describe it is that something seems to be “off.” You’ll get a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Understand that we pick up on energy. And if someone puts out bad energy, you feel it. So, trust your instincts. I promise you it will keep you out of a lot of trouble with bad people.

Bullying and Manipulation:

3. See the behavior for what it is.

You must know why bullies behave the way they do. This kind of behavior comes from the need for control. Bullies want to control your life.

Maybe they can’t control their own lives, so they try to control yours. For instance, a school bully gets abused at home. Therefore, he comes to school and rides roughshod over you.

Maybe a workplace bully is having problems in her marriage, so she comes to work and makes your job hell. Or maybe she’s jealous of your confidence. So, she tries to bring you down a notch or two.

When you know the reasons why someone is bullying you, it helps you feel better. Moreover, you’ll be able to defend yourself more effectively.

4. Look at their actions, not their words.

When you look at a bully’s behavior instead of their words, you won’t fall for any lies.

For instance, one of your bullies promises to leave you alone if you’ll let him cheat off your test. But you remember that he’s done this before. And you fell for it.

You let him cheat off your test. He may have been nice to you for the rest of the day. However, the next day, he was back at it again. He didn’t keep his promise.

Realize that talk is cheap. Actions speak much louder.

Bullying and Manipulation:

5. Past behavior predicts future behavior.

If someone has bullied you in the past, chances are they will do it again. Abusers rarely change. If, by chance, they do, it takes several years.

Therefore, it’s best to prepare yourself. Then, you’ll be able to outflank any bully who tries to attack you.

6. Say no.

No is such a tiny word. However, it holds enormous power. In fact, it is the most powerful word in the English language.

Why? Because it keeps the ball in your court. When you say “no” to someone, you hold all the cards. Not the other person. So say it often.

By saying no, you set boundaries. As a result, you gain respect and protect yourself from bullies.

7. Stop caring what they think.

The less you care what others think, the less any bullying attack will affect you.

When you care too much about what people think, you’ll attract bullies. Why? Because you become a slave to opinions. In fact, the people who give them will own you.

You won’t have the guts to say “no.” Instead, you’ll be a pathetic yes-person who bends over backward to prove your worth.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things you really don’t agree with. You’ll sacrifice yourself for people who aren’t worth your time. And others will only take you for granted.

Bullying and Manipulation:

You’ll only ENSLAVE YOURSELF.

Even worse, you’ll accept crappy treatment to avoid conflict. And no one will respect you because you’re such a doormat. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck! 

But when you stop caring what others think, you regain your self-respect. Therefore, you’ll gain respect from others, too. And bullies won’t want to mess with you.

8. Don’t worry about Others’ opinions.

Opinions aren’t facts. In fact, if they come from bullies, they carry no weight. The value you give to someone’s opinion depends on your relationship with them.

In other words, you should give more value to those who love you. And you should place less value on those who don’t care about you. You can learn more about opinions here.

9. Stick to your guns.

Don’t cave in to your bullies’ demands. Realize that much of the bullying you suffer comes from entitlement. Bullies think that they’re entitled to abuse you.

Why? Because they think they’re superior. Therefore, refuse to be abused. Also, refuse to do anything they want you to do. This is how you protect yourself.

Bullying and Manipulation:

10. Refuse to explain  your decisions.

You don’t owe them a damn thing. Least of all, an explanation. Bullies love to get you to explain yourself. However, see this for what it is. It’s a power grab.

Moreover, it’s a trap. You see? Bullies get you to explain, not because they want to understand. They do it to keep you interacting with them. They also do it to gather information they can use against you later.

And, thirdly, they do it to throw you off balance. But you don’t have to explain anything to them. Who are they?

Stop over-explaining. Reserve your explanations only for people who are worthy of them.

11. Start Rocking!

Grey rocking, that is! When you grey rock your bullies, you show no emotion to their behavior. You also give short, one-word answers.

In short, you act like you don’t care. You have as little interaction with them as humanly possible.

This is easier said than done. And the bully may or may not lose interest and go away right then. However, it’s a good tactic if your goal is to protect yourself from bullying.

You may have to repeat the grey rock method again and again before your bullies will get the message. However, you’ll feel better just knowing you finally took back your balls and stood up to the creeps.

Bullying and Manipulation:

12. Prepare for backlash.

Bullies can’t stand it when you start refusing to be a victim. When you finally stop taking their crap, they will often react out of anger.

They may lay guilt trips on you. Some may stop talking to you. Others may project their behavior onto you. In the worst cases, bullies may launch smear campaigns against you or resort to physical violence.

Realize that bullies won’t let go easily. Therefore, be ready. Preparation is important if you want to protect yourself.

13. Don’t feel guilty

Bullies lay guilt trips to make you feel bad for standing up to them. Don’t fall for it. There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself from bullying. You’re not the bad guy here. Therefore, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Continue to stand your ground, no matter what they try to throw at you. And do it with confidence!

14. Walk away.

Sometimes, no response is the best response. Walking away doesn’t mean you’re chickening out. What it means is that you’re setting a boundary.

You refuse to listen to any more of their garbage. In fact, you refuse to even engage with such morons. Therefore, you remove yourself from the situation.

That’s not cowardice. It’s intelligence. It’s also self-care. Therefore, it’s okay to turn your back and walk away.

Bullying and Manipulation:

15. Refuse contact.

Sometimes it’s better to go no-contact. Realize that some people aren’t healthy for us. Therefore, it’s best to cut ties to protect yourself.

In conclusion

Bullying and manipulation can wreak havoc on your life. You have the right to protect yourself from those who want to control you. Therefore, use these steps to stand strong.

You may be a target, but you don’t have to be a victim.

This post is all about how to protect yourself from bullying and manipulation so that you can take your life back.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do 

2. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See 

4. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying 

how to handle bullies as an adult

How to Handle Bullies

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Want to know how to handle bullies the right way? Here are the tips you need to know.

how to handle bullies

Bullies have ways of distorting the way you see yourself. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to handle bullies to protect your self-esteem and even your physical health.

Once you learn all these important life lessons, you will be able to stand up to bullying with confidence.

This post is all about how to handle bullies so that you can protect your mental health and your peace from people who wish to disrupt them.

How to Handle Bullies

All through life, you will encounter negative and downright toxic people. You meet these mouth-breathers at school, work, the neighborhood, or (gasp) in the family.

However, you have control over how they make you feel.

Don’t let bad eggs make you feel rotten.

Bullies are everywhere, and they come in all flavors. These kinds of people always seem to take the energy out of the room. And they suck the oxygen out of those around them.

They’re annoying, obnoxious, and, in some cases, downright intimidating. These are people who make you feel uncomfortable, terrible about yourself, and worst of all, unstable.

Those who make you feel bad are usually the angry, jealous, and resentful type. They put on a good act and talk a good game. However, the proof is in how they treat you.

The way to handle these bullies is to understand where the behavior comes from and not let it get to you.

Realize that they will search for anything about you that they can use against you. They will even turn your good and positive qualities against you and make them seem bad.

How to Handle Bullies:

Twisting your good qualities into bad

For instance, let’s say that you’re generally a happy person who likes to laugh and have a good time. Bullies will say that you’re fake and that your laughter is fake.

But realize that bullies only see from their own worldview. They may be telling you this because they’re not happy.

If you have talents and gifts and like to display them, they’ll accuse you of showing off. But they may be saying these things because they’re jealous of your talent.

If you’ve made an accomplishment or reached any success, these killjoys will trivialize it. They may say that anyone could have made the success you made.

Again, they only envy you. Realize that there’s nothing wrong with you; there’s something wrong with them.

It’s not about you; it’s about them.

If you won an award, they’ll claim that you got the award only because you either knew people in high places. They may even accuse you of kissing up to one of the judges.

If you have a loving spouse and family, bullies will go out of their way to find something wrong with that. If you have a little bit of money, they’ll claim you didn’t work for it. Or they’ll claim you obtained it either illegally or unjustly.

They will also bully and abuse you, give you a hard time, if you have something that they want but can’t have. It could be that you have things just a little bit easier than they do.

It’s as if they’re trying to punish you because they think you have it so good.

How to Handle Bullies:

Don’t let it get you down.

But don’t let it get to you because that’s what they want. You must realize that they have a problem. And it’s not your job to fix it for them.

Their behavior says everything about them and zero about you. Your bullies have serious mental issues, and they need help.

Their behavior is proof that they feel insecure about something in their own lives. And they want to drag you down in the gutter with them.

When others are brutal to us, our first instinct is to blame ourselves. We try to figure out what’s wrong and then fix it. But realize that there’s no need to fix what isn’t broken. And you’re not the one with the issue.

You must reframe their behavior.

Instead, realize that it’s them and not you. It’s the only way to feel better about yourself. And you might find yourself feeling sorry for them instead of hating them for the way they treat you.

And believe me, most people with any pride would much rather be hated than pitied.

Bullies will care less about your anger and hate toward them. But they’ll resent and even loathe it when you pity them. There’s dignity in being hated but none in being pitied.

So, how do you handle bullies? Here’s a list of tips.

How to Handle Bullies:

1. Know who you are.

The more you know yourself, the less bullying will faze you.

When you know yourself inside and out, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, to define you.

Moreover, you can easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

Knowing yourself means knowing your worth. It also means having a strong set of principles and values.

When you know yourself, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. No one can take away your value; it’s just there.

2. Stop caring what others think.

Caring what others think makes for a life of mental slavery. Wouldn’t you rather have the delicious freedom to just do and be what you want?

You must realize that some people’s opinions don’t matter. The value you give to anyone’s opinion depends on your relationship with them.

In other words, you place the most value on the opinions of those who love and care for you the most. Therefore, you ignore the opinions of those who abuse you. They don’t matter.

How to Handle Bullies:

3. Have your own set of principles.

Hold onto your standards. Moreover, stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. And do it boldly and confidently.

Don’t be afraid to think critically. In short, have the courage to be different.

This is how you protect your mind from bullies. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

4. Set boundaries.

Most bullies prefer to target low-hanging fruit; in other words, they’re so cowardly that they choose easy targets.

Easy targets for bullies are those with low self-esteem and those who are insecure with themselves. Those who don’t set boundaries are easily intimidated.

Therefore, these victims don’t stand up to them.

But when you stand up to bullies, you show confidence. Most bullies can sense your confidence, and it only intimidates them. Moreover, you’ll be surprised at the amazing results.

They know that the confident ones are least likely to take any crap off them. So, they’re least likely to target them. They’ll move on to an easier target.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. How you set boundaries is to say no. And when some creep tries to get in your face, talk down to you, or physically attack you, you’ll defend yourself.

Be clear with what you will and will not put up with. And know without a doubt that you deserve better. Give respect to others. However, expect the same in return.

How to Handle Bullies:

5. Enforce boundaries.

Setting boundaries isn’t enough. Sometimes, you must enforce those boundaries.

Enforcing boundaries means following through on what you say you’ll do if someone crosses the line. If bullies know you’ll punch them back if they put their hands on you, they won’t do it.

And if they expect you to deliver a good burn if they verbally attack you, they’ll think twice. Therefore, if some punk crosses you, make them regret it.

6. Stay calm

When bullies insult you, they’re looking for an emotional reaction from you. Most bullies get their kicks out of making you angry or making you cry.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Remain calm and respond intelligently.

How to Handle Bullies:

7. Don’t explain anything.

Bullies will often try to trick you into giving them needless explanations. This is a trap because, no matter how much you explain things to them, they will only pretend not to get it.

And why not? These people want to hurt you. Therefore, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

You must recognize that those who are toxic do this intentionally. One reason they challenge your explanations is to prompt you to provide more. Why? To throw you off-balance and keep you interacting with them.

They also do it to gather information they can use against you later. Realize that they really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one. They only pretend to want it.

Besides, you don’t owe them a doggone thing. And that includes an explanation.

8. Don’t rush to defend yourself from rumors.

Understand that you don’t have to clear up any rumors. And you don’t have to care what they “heard.”

“I heard this,” and “I heard that!” Please! Give me a break! Save the drama for your mama!

That’s exactly what you tell them. Let them talk, and let the way you live your life dispel the rumors. Moreover, watch and see who believes them. Those who do are the people you need to cut ties with.

How to Handle Bullies:

In conclusion

When you handle bullies calmly and powerfully, you steal their thunder. More importantly, you refuse to be a victim of their petty games.

There are even good ways to handle them when they give you the silent treatment.

When you deal with bullying the right way, you force them to go search for another target and leave you alone. Then, you get to be yourself and live in peace. And there’s nothing better than that!

This post was all about how to handle bullies so that you can continue to live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

2. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know  

3. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

4. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

5. What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes 

the bullying of independent thinkers in school

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers

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‘Want to know all about the bullying of independent thinkers and why people target them? If you are an independent thinker, this post is for you. And it should make you feel better about yourself.

the bullying of independent thinkers

So, you have the gall to think for yourself. Make no mistake! People will hate you. They will demonize you. Others will consider you a troublemaker, a rabble rouser, a riffraff! People will deem you a person who’s “mentally imbalanced.”

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the bullying of independent thinkers and why bullies target them.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to see behind the behavior and feel good about yourself if you are one of those rare independent thinkers.

This post is all about the bullying of independent thinkers so that you can understand where the behavior comes from.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers

Thinking for yourself is such sweet freedom. Yet, most people have always been afraid to do it. Why? Because it’s much safer to follow the leader.

Safety and comfort always come with doing as you’re told without question and without even thinking about it. Therefore, most choose to take the easy path.

They follow the lead of a person in power. And they’ll do it, even if the person “in charge” hasn’t the slightest idea of what they’re talking about.

Moreover, they’ll comply, even when there’s evidence that “the leader” is leading them to their own demise!

The Human Tendency to obey.

Again, most automatically take orders from someone deemed superior. And they don’t stop to ask themselves what the one giving the orders has to gain from their compliance.

The reason they do this is that they fear becoming an outcast. There’s an old saying that people are less afraid of death than they are of ostracization.

I can understand the fear of bullying and ostracization. No one wants to be ousted from “the social club.” Humans are hardwired to be social animals.

Living as part of a group was how we survived in prehistoric times.  Whereas, anyone who wasn’t a part of one risked starvation and extinction.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

Trusting your gut.

However, it’s easier for the shunned to survive today. And I’d much rather have my freedom. Freedom requires the ability to think independently, despite what others may think of us.

When you think for yourself, you step out of your comfort zone. Also, you open up unlimited possibilities for yourself.

Thinking for yourself means trusting your gut and following your instincts. It means knowing that your gut will always tell you when something doesn’t sound or feel right.

those who think independently will catch a lot of hate.

There’s a reason others don’t like someone who thinks independently. It’s that they’re least likely to be controlled. They won’t fall for any tricks or manipulation.

The person who thinks for himself will see right through smoke screens. Also, independent thinkers know themselves well. They listen to their gut instincts.

And they refuse to engage in anything that feels unhealthy or dangerous.

Sadly, we live in a culture that demands we deny our God-given sixth sense. It’s easier to let others pressure us into denying our instincts and following along.

Bullies in power demand that we deny our own human rights. They send the unwritten message that we have no right to defend ourselves or our families. They claim that we should put them first and ourselves last.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

Power Corrupts

Therefore, they use influential people to persuade us to do their bidding. They pay Hollywood celebrities, sports figures, and media personalities to brainwash us.

On the other hand, individuality is strongly discouraged. Sometimes, they even punish it. They also discourage creativity, originality, and meritocracy.

Simply put, bullies in power demand that we think the way they want us to think. And sadly, they successfully hoodwink a good chunk of the population.

Most people think that, just because those giving the narrative have power and influence, they’re smarter. And that they “only want what’s best for us and the rest of humanity.”

However, no one can know what is best for you but you. And you alone.

Power corrupts. 

These so-called leaders are not gods. They are human, just like the rest of us. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like we do.

And they are just as capable of error.

We must realize that power corrupts. It takes a special person not to be corrupted by power. Moreover, we must understand that the majority of those in power do not have our best interests at heart.

They’re only out to use us to fulfill their own end goals. And once we’ve served our purpose, and they no longer need us, they will discard us like dirty diapers.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

The masks bullies don.

Corrupt people in power often use beautiful-sounding words and phrases. “For the greater good” is the most common.  “For the betterment of humanity” is another one they love to use.

They portray themselves as the saviors of humanity. Many claim to be warriors and champions for social justice. However, their leaders work behind the scenes to destroy the very groups they claim to care about.

In short, they hide their evil intentions behind the veneer of love and goodwill.

Remember that Satan never appears as an ugly red devil with horns and a pointy tail. He appears as an angel of light.

He often comes as our biggest dream come true. It could be the man or woman of our dreams. Or he’ll appear as a sweetheart of a deal that’s hard to refuse.

Therefore, we should focus on their actions and not their words. Look at their past behavior. Why? Because past behavior predicts future behavior.

Independent thinkers have good instincts.

Thinking for yourself comes with sacrifice. You will endure a truckload of hatred, even from those you think are friends and allies. But trust that it will all be worth it in the end.

Independence is something bullies, authoritarians, and despots despise. They will hate you because you refuse to blindly obey those who think they know more than you.

Bullies despise anyone who questions authority. Independent thinkers always ask themselves, “If we follow along, what’s in it for them?”

They aren’t too lazy to read the fine print.  And they don’t mind doing their research to find the truth. Moreover, they’re good at reading between the lines.

They have an ear for subtext and context. And they have an eye for non-verbal communication. They use it to probe for incongruousness.

If something feels “off,” they’re automatically suspicious of it. Moreover, they know that 2+2=4, not 5! Independent thinkers know when someone is trying to manipulate them.

In fact, they have a radar for manipulation.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

People who think for THEMSELVES aren’t afraid to be different.

They do things differently and make it a point to live life on their own terms, not someone else’s. Therefore, they’re willing to take whatever comes with it.

They refuse to be controlled by feckless fools who are drunk with power. And they know that power corrupts because they’ve been victims of it. Therefore, they won’t be ruled by fear.

Consequently, others may despise them for it. Why? Because everyone else is trained to follow. Those who think for themselves often hear these reactions.

  • “How dare you?”
  • “You dare to question me?”
  • “Do you think that you can live your life your way?”
  • “Who do you think you are?”
  • “We’re the experts! Not you!”
  • “We have the degrees and credentials! Not you!”

Oh, the nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Independent thinkers Don’t Mind Rocking the Boat!

When they see that it’s all to the leaders’ benefit, they’re not afraid to give the rule-makers a proverbial middle finger. Independent thinkers may not say it, but they show it in their quiet refusal to go along.

And they do it by simply continuing to live the way they want.

Bullies hate them because they don’t walk lightly. Those who think for themselves are not afraid to make waves. They don’t mind going against the grain if they suspect that “the rules” might harm them.

Why? Because they cherish freedom and self-determination. And they’ll die before they give them up.

Only they choose their destinies. And only they can define their inner realities. Nobody else is privy to these things.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

A Blessing and Curse

If you think for yourself, you have a gift that few others have. You have a sharp BS detector. You’re able to see through others’ fakery.

And with this gift, you can more easily avoid the traps bullies set up. However, having this gift can be a curse.

Although empowering, it can also be an excruciating and alienating journey. It can be lonely, confusing, and frightening. You often struggle as you try to process the insanity around you.

This is the reality no one talks about. The darkness that accompanies having this kind of sight. In fact, you may grieve what you thought, for so many years, was the truth.

The realization that everything you believed turned out to be lies is, perhaps, the most difficult pill to swallow.

The Truth Hurts

Having your illusions shattered is never an enjoyable experience. However, with growth comes pain and discomfort, and it doesn’t stop there.

With these newfound revelations, you will often find yourself grieving again. You’ll grieve the loss of relationships with people you thought were friends.

You’ll feel alone. And you’ll be ridiculed not only by acquaintances and passers by but sometimes by friends and family. You’ll realize that you never had as much in common with those you care about as you thought.

When you’re wise to bullshit, people will judge and ridicule you. Why? because they either don’t see what you do or they do, but choose to live in denial. Or, maybe they’re too chicken to call it out.

Therefore, you might grieve the loss of your own ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, and reality is harsh. You might find yourself wishing that you were still as ignorant as they are because, if you were, you’d still fit in.

Having the sense to see through all the smoke screens can be a lonely road to travel. There’s no sugarcoating it. Wising up to the realities of the world around you can be brutal!

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

In conclusion

I’ve lost many people I thought were friends. However, I still consider myself one of the lucky few. Why? Because most of my family and my small circle of true friends get it. And they get me.

Like me, they know themselves, and they listen to their gut. They also avoid negative people and believe in the right to self-preservation. Therefore, they support me.

However, many of you aren’t so lucky. You’re struggling with feeling disconnected from your family and friends, and it’s as though they exist in another world.

Just know that you’re not alone. Not only are you not alone, but you also have an entire group standing behind you. We may be separated by miles, but we’re deeply connected in both purpose and spirit

So, hold on to your faith. Hold on to the truth and stand on it. Continue to be yourself and to press forward. Know that we’re here and we’ve got you! Most importantly, know that God’s here and He’s got you!

This post is all about the bullying of independent thinkers so that, if  you fall into this category, you won’t lose faith. Hang in there.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2.  Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

3. People with Negative Energy: How to Protect Yourself from Them

4. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

secrets bullies don't want you to know psychology

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

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There are secrets bullies don’t want you to know. Do you know what they are? Here’s everything you need to know.

secrets bullies don't want you to know

In this post, you will learn the secrets bullies don’t want you to know to have the knowledge you need to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these hidden truths, you will be better able to call these creeps out and protect your mental health from them.

This post is all about the secrets bullies don’t want you to know so that you can stop being a victim and live your life in peace.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Bullies hide many secrets. If those secrets ever got out, their whole world would collapse before their eyes. Therefore, here are all the secrets bullies will move heaven and earth to keep hidden.

1. Some Bullies are more scared of you than you are of them.

Bullies fear you might fight back. Why? Because if you do, you just might get the best of them. As a result, they’ll end up looking weak and being bullied themselves.

This is why they keep you afraid to fight back. However, realize that you should fight back. I’ve seen several bullies bully their victims to the point that the victim finally snapped.

As a result, the victim beat the living daylights out of them. Also, on some occasions, the victim whipped the bully in front of an audience.

Therefore, the bully never bothered them again, and the target finally won respect.

2. They’re insecure.

Bullies constantly worry about what others think of them. This is why they act the way they do. They want to seem perfect.

Why? Because they’re so afraid that if others find out about the real person, they won’t like them anymore.

Bullies want so badly to be liked that they will bully you in front of an audience to score laughs from everyone and get approval.

Therefore, call them out on it. I promise you’ll feel much better once you do.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

3. They crave approval.

Bullies want approval. More than that, they want others to admire and adore them. And if a bully doesn’t get approval, they feel inadequate.

So they bully in front of an audience to get the approval they feel they never get. You must realize that bullies are simps. And they simp in ways that aren’t so obvious.

However, understand that anyone who seeks approval is needy. Only pathetic losers do that.

Therefore, see it for what it is, and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Why? Because you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such behavior.

4. They’re posers

Bullies are constantly trying to look cool. They strain themselves to keep up appearances. They know that most people think that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t receiving it.

Therefore, many bullies bully to look cute to any bystanders and witnesses. And sadly, most bystanders are under the misguided belief that bullying is cool.

Moreover, they don masks to hide their true, pathetic selves. Bullies aren’t happy with themselves. So, they work hard to hide their flaws and put on a persona of perfection.

For instance, you may see one of your bullies wearing clothes from department stores like Nordstrom every day. But you may get lucky and notice him pull out a 20-dollar wallet from Walmart. That’s when you’ll figure out that he’s nothing but a poser.

So, find ways to use it against him. Then use it to your own advantage. I can think of several, and I’m sure you can too. Just knowing this will keep you out of the doldrums and view your bullies for the losers they are.

This should make you laugh because you know they’re not so cool after all.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

5. they fear exposure.

Bullies get by only on appearances. The fronts they put up are only illusions and mirages. Moreover, without the facades they work so hard to maintain, they have no leg to stand on.

For instance, magicians will never tell you how they make things disappear or pull rabbits out of hats. And they won’t tell you how they can do card tricks. The reason they don’t is that their tricks are only optical illusions.

And if you ever found out how they do it, it would blow their act, and people would lose interest. They’d go bankrupt.

It’s the same with bullies. Understand that their lives are filled with cracks that just might expose who they really are. Think of these cracks as smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again.

Bullies are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hot spots. They have to bust ass to make sure these hot spots don’t ignite.

Also, they must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Bullies realize that once their real personality seeps through, people will lose respect for them and they’ll lose power. And if they lose power, their mistreatment of others will come back to bite them in the ass… hard!

6. Their biggest fear is losing face.

Bullies only have power that you and others give them. Therefore, if they lose face, that power is gone. Usually, bullies lose face when victims stand up to them.

For instance, a bully hits you and you punch them back. In fact, you beat the daylights out of them in front of everyone.

That embarrasses a bully. And the people who see it will realize that they aren’t as tough as they made themselves out to be.

Therefore, others quickly lose respect for them.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

7. If you stand up to them, others might follow.

Remember the movie, “A Bug’s Life?” In the film, the grasshoppers bullied the ants. Here’s a quote from the lead grasshopper that you might remember.

“You let one ant stand up to us, then they might all stand up. Those puny little ants outnumber us a hundred to one. And if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life.”

The head grasshopper said the quiet part out loud. He revealed every bully’s worst fear. If one victim stands up to me, it will encourage everyone to do the same. But most people still haven’t gotten wise to this yet.

8. Being a bully is hard WORK!

Believe it or not, bullies must work hard to keep up appearances. They’re good at maintaining their fake facades.

In other words, bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven.

They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. Moreover, they often spend beyond their means to appear wealthy.

Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft? Most have to steal to keep up!

Therefore, they’re constantly afraid of losing face if any of it ever gets out.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

9. They aren’t happy people.

They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others?

Bullies need a victim. They can’t be happy unless they’re bringing someone else down. The only thing that makes bullies happy is seeing you suffer.

Therefore, see this as a testament to how miserable they really are. They do it to feel better about themselves. Moreover, they do it to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities.

Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

Many bullies aren’t happy at home. They have stressful marriages and family lives. Or, if they’re in school, they have bad relationships with parents and siblings. Therefore, they feel powerless there.

However, at school or work, many bullies can control others to keep from feeling so powerless. So, keep your ears peeled and try to find out what their home life is like.

For example, if you’re in a bathroom stall and you hear your bullies enter the restroom. Draw your feet up and listen in on their conversation. You’d be surprised what you find out!

The trick is to find any good ammunition you can use to your advantage.

10. They’re weak.

Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. Ever wonder why they’re so loud, obnoxious, and pushy?

It’s because they don’t have the brains or social intelligence to get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must use force and intimidation. This is often the reason they use physical violence.

Why? Because it’s the only way they can get their wants and needs met. All this makes for a life of drama and conflict. So, smile about it.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

11. Bullies are jealous of their victims.

Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. And they really flip out when someone they deem inferior accomplishes something big.

They’ll make it their mission to destroy you if you score more wins than them. And it’s the same whether you’re better-looking or more talented.

Understand that bullies despise anyone who has what they want but can’t get it. Therefore, they will try to take it from them. And if they can’t take it, they will punish the person for having it.

However, they would never admit that in a million years. Why? Because jealousy smacks of inferiority. And the last thing any bully wants is to look inferior.

So, feel good about the fact that your bullies are jealous of you. It only proves that you aren’t the inferior one here.

12. They Bully to compensate for their weaknesses and shortcomings.

If bullies can look strong by making you look weak, they can make up for their own weaknesses. Moreover, they can distract the negative spotlight away from themselves and onto you.

Therefore, they use you to hide their own imperfections.

Also, bullies will run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing. Moreover, they feel this makes up for anything they lack.

Let’s say that a male bully feels he isn’t man enough. He will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that most girls find him disgusting.

Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, cheap knock-off designer bags, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for not getting a date.

Who wants to date someone with a haughty attitude? This should give you a huge pick-me-up!

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

13. They crave attention.

Bullies love attention, and they’ll do anything to get it, especially if they have narcissistic personality disorder.

Also, when a bully sees someone who outshines them, they fear that person will take the spotlight away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one.

They must be adored by everyone at all times. They feel they have to be at the center of everything, and the world should revolve around them.

In Conclusion

Bullies have secrets they don’t want exposed, and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those secrets from coming out. Therefore, use this information to boost your confidence!

But wait, there’s more! Bullies also have secrets for gaining power. Click here to learn more.

This post was all about the secrets bullies don’t want you to know so that you’ll realize that bullies are pathetic and get a huge confidence boost.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2.  Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

3. Physical Bullies: 9 Secrets You Should Know

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

5. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

anti-bullying policies in schools

Anti-Bullying Policies: 7 Reasons They Don’t Work.

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‘Want to know the truth about anti-bullying policies? Here are the reasons they don’t work and why your safety is on you.

anti-bullying policies

Anti-bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. And it’s because they have no teeth.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the truth about these policies so that if you’re a victim of bullying, you’ll know the truth. Then you can take steps to protect yourself.

Once you discover this hard truth, you will be able to take responsibility for your safety and stand up to bullying wisely.

This post will give you the truth about anti-bullying politics so that you won’t rely too much on them to save you from bullying. Then you can take your own steps to protect yourself.

Anti-Bullying Policies

Many schools and workplaces have policies against bullying. However, unless they enforce those policies, they might as well have none at all.

Here are the reasons that anti-bullying policies rarely work.

1. Schools and workplaces develop these policies just to look good.

Most institutions today have policies against bullying. However, it’s only because they’re required by the government. These guidelines are only for decoration.

In fact, these entities have had anti-bullying policies for at least a decade. Yet, cases of bullying continue to rise exponentially. Moreover, schools and workplaces continue to ignore bullying.

Schools sweep incidents under the rug and refuse to allow victims’ parents to see any surveillance footage of bullying attacks.

Also, schools sometimes blame the victim and take revenge against parents who fight for their child. Therefore, the only reason these policies exist is to make the institution look good.

2. People in authority don’t enforce them.

Again, authority figures rarely enforce these policies. Remember that authority usually sides with power.

In other words, teachers and school staff may take the bully’s side because the bully has more power. Workplaces do the same thing.

They think it’s easier to turn their heads and blame victims for the abuse they suffer. Realize that it isn’t about protecting victims. It’s about making the problem go away.

And how they make the problem go away is by silencing victims. This is wrong.

Anti-Bullying Policies:

3. Preferential treatment

In many cases, authority members and peers favor the bullies. Here’s why.

  • Bullies kiss the right butts.
  • The bullies are high performers and scholars
  • They know people in high places
  • Bullies are convincing liars
  • The bullies are wordsmiths
  • They’re good at projecting
  • They’re charming
  • The bullies have lots of friends who love them
  • There’s strength in numbers
  • They’re good at gaslighting
  • They destroy your reputation
  • They appeal to the self-interests of the school or workplace
  • The bullies are good at victim-blaming
  • They have close relationships with people in power
  • They fake compassion
  • The bullies are in positions of power

Therefore, they may not face accountability. If anything, those in authority will blame you. And they’ll get away with it.

4. Bullies can easily get intel from them.

There are many positives to bullying and suicide awareness. One is that more and more people are realizing that bullying is not “just a normal rite of passage.”

In fact, most today realize that it is not “just a part of growing up.”

People have awakened. They now know that bullying is a health hazard. It is also a threat to human life. And it always has been.

There is a wealth of knowledge, resources, and programs readily available to targets and their families. We have a treasure trove of articles, books, and videos on how victims can bully-proof themselves.

Therefore, we have made lots of progress. However, there’s one thing that most of us haven’t considered.

Anti-Bullying Policies:

5. Bullies also have access to this information!

Sure, the information is meant to help and empower victims. However, bullies can use it as counterintelligence. Therefore, they can turn it against their targets.

And they can do it by using the information to tailor any future attacks.

6. Bullies can weaponize suicide awareness.

Bullying has been shown to cause suicide. This is a good thing. However, there is a drastic uptick in cases where bullies have told their victims to “kill themselves”.

A few have even talked them into it.

Remember that the most talented bullies are cowards at heart. But they’re also smart. They inflict their abuse on the down-low.

Moreover, they are meticulous, and worst of all, patient! They will not risk being caught. Anti-bullying policies do not address these details.

All they do is gloss over the subject.

7. Zero-tolerance policies harm victims more than bullies.

The vagueness of zero-tolerance policies cannot be understated. They may be there to keep bullies from physically attacking you. But they also prevent you from defending yourself.

Only they don’t tell you specifically. Zero tolerance ends up harming victims instead of protecting them. Why?

Because they don’t consider context or individual circumstances. Therefore, because these policies are so rigid, they don’t only punish bullies for physically attacking you. They also punish you for defending yourself.

For example, you’re sitting in class when the girl behind you pulls your hair. She has done this for months. You’ve tried to ignore it, hoping that she’ll get bored and stop.

However, she doesn’t. The girl only continues pulling your hair every day. Finally, you get fed up with being mistreated.

Unable to tolerate any more abuse, you turn around and punch the bully in the face. Conveniently, the teacher doesn’t see what the other girl did to you.

However, she sees you turn around and punch her in the nose. So, she punishes you without even considering what the other girl did to provoke you.

This happens all the time. And it’s why victims get blamed. It’s also why you should trust anti-bullying policies.

In Conclusion

This is why you should defend yourself from bullies. It’s your right. And it’s completely okay to do so. If someone physically attacks you, hit back.

If they verbally bully, fire off a comeback. And if they give you a dirty look, return the gesture. Also, if they exclude you, be okay with it. Do you really want anything to do with someone who mistreats you?

Standing up to bullying is your responsibility. No one else’s. And you shouldn’t rely on the school or HR to help you if you find yourself in the crosshairs of a bully.

This post is all about the ineffectiveness of anti-bullying policies so that you’ll know not to rely TOO much on them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Life Lessons from Bullying: 16 Powerful Takeaways to Remember

4. Suicide from Bullying: 3 Must-Know Facts

don't hate your bullies psychology

Don’t Hate Your Bullies, Feel Sorry for Them

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Don’t hate your bullies, feel sorry for them. Here we will discuss why this is so important.

don't hate your bullies

Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Instead, feel sorry for your bullies. Pity is patronizing. Therefore, they’re the ones who deserve pity, not you.

In this post, you will learn why it’s better that you don’t hate your bullies so that you won’t give them the dignity they don’t deserve. Moreover, you won’t allow yourself to be eaten up by hate.

Once you learn the crucial details you’re about to read, you will resist hate and choose pity instead.

This post will give you reasons why you’re better off if you don’t hate your bullies so that you will refuse to let this poisonous emotion take over your life.

Don’t hate your bullies

It all comes down to you. You are responsible for your successes and your happiness. Happiness is a choice, not something that magically happens to only certain people.

It’s okay to cry when someone hurts you. It’s okay to be hurt, angry, and sad. In fact, you need to allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to get angry. Permit yourself to cry it out. Just don’t hate people who abuse you.

Never let the cruel words and actions of a bully cause you to hate them. I realize that this is not always easy. However, it is important.

Understand that your bullies are cowards and fighting demons of their own. Only they’re doing it the wrong way. And their mistreatment of you is only proof that they’re the ones who have the issues.

Hate gives Bullies a Degree of Dignity. But there’s no dignity in being pitied.

Never hate your bullies because if you do, you will give them some dignity. They don’t deserve that. Pity them instead. There’s no dignity in being pitied because it’s pathetic.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

They fight demons of their own.

Understand that your bullies are cowards. Moreover, they are fighting demons of their own. Only they’re doing it the wrong way. And their mistreatment of you is only proof that they’re the ones who have the issues.

Bullies point out your shortcomings because they’re so afraid that somebody will discover theirs. Bullies are notorious for projecting their flaws onto you to keep other people from seeing theirs. It’s pathetic when you think real hard about it.

And trust me, we all have imperfections. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Distraction and projection are how bullies operate. They would be the top two tactics in the “How To Bully” handbook if there ever were such a guide.

Understand that bullies bully out of fear and insecurity!

Bullies are notorious for seeking approval.

I look back and realize that most of my classmates lived solely for their friends’ approval. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.

Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others. They are tools, followers, sheep.

I refuse to live that way. Realize that you don’t live for them. Life isn’t a popularity contest. Your goal is to do what makes you happy and live a drama-free life. No more, no less.

So, stop caring about their approval. You don’t need it.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

They don’t know who they are.

You must tell yourself, “I know who I am, and I live for much better things!”

Believe me. You will look back and realize that you have nothing to envy. In fact, you’re much better off than any of them. You are the luckier one.

Why? Because when you don’t have to jump through hoops to prove anything, you can relax. So, don’t bend over backward for them.

This is hard, and you may pay a heavy price for it, but continue to live for yourself. You will be glad you did.

The reason your bullies seem to have all these friends around them is that they put on a front. Therefore, consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. Ask yourself what they have to give up?

Indifference is better than hate.

Indifference is a better option than hate. Because with indifference, you could absolutely care less.

You couldn’t care less if the person is doing well or poorly, what he thinks, what he says, or what he does. On the other hand, with hate, you care because all you want is for the hated person to suffer.

There’s a strong desire to make sure nothing good happens to those you hate. Therefore, you obsessively seek to destroy them.

You want to make sure all opportunities are closed off to the hated person. This is what hate does. It causes haters to obsess over the hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullies, let them go ahead and hate on you. But don’t hate them back. Instead, be indifferent toward them.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

They hate you. But you don’t have to hate them back.

What if I told you that having haters can be a good thing and you can use it to your advantage? Most victims of bullying see haters as a bad thing.

In other words, they see them as a hindrance to their progress. However, they don’t have to be. It depends on how you look at it.

Once you start seeing the positives in it, they won’t be so threatening to you. In fact, you may even enjoy watching them squirm every time they see you.

The faces of hate.

As a survivor of severe bullying and peer-abuse, I’ve seen the faces of hate- up close and personal. And let me tell you, it’s ugly! And dangerous!

I know what it looks like. I’ve felt its powerful and painful sting and been paralyzed by it. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve even felt it toward others in the past.

But hatred is worthless. Most people don’t understand the damage it does to not the hated, but the hater! It causes the hater more pain than the hated.

I say this because I’ve witnessed it. In the past, I’ve looked into the eyes of my bullies. And I looked into their eyes- down into their souls!

I truly believe that if there weren’t a law against murder or manslaughter, I probably wouldn’t be here today. That was the kind of hate many of my classmates had for me.

I noticed how it burned them up inside. ‘You see? That’s what hate does. When you have hatred for another person, you’re only hurting yourself.

Because it will eat you up inside and make you deranged. Hate is a sick and twisted obsession, and it can take over your life if you allow it to.

Hatred can destroy your happiness and prospects. It skews your judgment and ability to think clearly. It causes you to make horrible decisions- decisions that can alter the entire trajectory of your life.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

Hate is Harmful on Both Sides

When a person harbors hatred toward another human being, it numbs their conscience and dulls their reasoning. They will condone things they would otherwise deem immoral and evil.

In other words, the hater will approve of the most depraved, heinous atrocities directed toward the hated person. Yet they would disapprove of it, even condemn it, if it were against anyone else, even a total stranger.

Hate turns even the kindest, most caring people into depraved monsters. Realize that hate destroys haters and targets alike. Hate kills.

So, if you’re a target of bullies, let them go ahead and hate on you. But don’t hate them back.

What Hate Does to the Hater.

You may feel that your hate is justified. I understand. I did too. But I’m here to tell you, it never got me anywhere. It served no purpose, and I never benefited from it.

So, again, no matter how some creep may have wronged you, never give in to hate. Because it is poisonous! Not to the other person but to YOU! Here’s why.

  • Hate burns you up inside. It eats down into your very soul and prolongs feelings of hurt, depression, and downright misery.
  • It doesn’t hurt the person being hated. It hurts you because nine times out of ten, the person you hate either doesn’t know about it or doesn’t care.
  • You give up your blessings. Also, you forego any opportunities that would otherwise come your way. You invite negativity and evil into your world instead. Hatred causes you to forego your own happiness, and life is too short to be anything but happy.
  • Again, while you are sitting around stewing over some idiot who has wronged you in the past, they aren’t thinking about you.

Don’t Hate Your Bullies:

Hate Serves No Purpose

While you are holding grudges and plotting ways to get back at them, that person is getting on with life. The person who hurt you doesn’t care about you.

They are not thinking about you. So why do you allow them to live rent-free in your head? They are a complete waste of brain activity!

Hate, insecurity, grudges, and excessive anger are all garbage in your life. And you need to dispose of it.

It’s time to take out the trash. Then take back the peace and happiness that you not only deserve but have a divine right to. You deserve to be happy. And the only way you will find happiness is to let go of any grudges and hate.

Then replace them with love and acceptance. It is what I had to do before I could be happy.

In Conclusion.

You have the delicious power to re-frame your thinking. Therefore, you must realize that your bullies’ hatred of you only hurts them, not you. It comes from something inside them, not something about you.

Remember that their raw feelings say everything about them. So, sit back, eat your popcorn, and watch them eat their hearts out and self-destruct. And continue to love yourself.

Lastly, continue to be happy despite their hatred. There is dignity in being hated.

This post gave you all the reasons it’s better that you don’t hate your bullies so that you can take back your peace and happiness.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You

2. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise

3. Happiness is a Choice: 9 Ways to be Happy

4. Bullied for Being Smart? Here are 5 Positive Ways to Look at It

5. How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

tactics bullies use against you

Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

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Do you know the most common tactics bullies use? You will find them here so that you will recognize them if they happen to you.

tactics bullies use

There are many tactics bullies use. However, many of them aren’t as obvious as others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn more about the sneakier ones so that you can call them out and defend yourself from them.

Once you learn all these techniques, you will be able to protect yourself more easily and even overcome bullying altogether.

This post is all about the tactics bullies use, so you can name them and protect yourself.

Tactics Bullies Use

Although you may understand the context of what is happening, you may not know how to name it. So, let’s discuss.

1. Rattling You

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle you to intimidate you and throw you off balance. It’s how they mess with your mind. For example, if you’re a kid who is being bullied in school, here’s what your bullies may do to rattle you.

  • Deliberately knock over your drink and spill it
  • Pluck a piece of food from your plate and pop it into their mouth at lunch.
  • Kick your books, backpack, or purse with their foot
  • Fling your hair back
  • Flick your nose with one finger
  • Give you a non-friendly slap on the back
  • Shoulder-check you as they walk past you in the hall or parking lot
  • Knock your hat or cap off.

Workplace bullies may also knock your files off your desk. This doesn’t happen often, but it isn’t unheard of.

Understand that bullies use these tactics to provoke a reaction. They may even be looking for a fight. Why else would they invade your space or territory?

tactics bullies use.

2. Daring You.

For example, a bully may stand with feet apart and arms wide, forming a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

3. Making deliberate, sudden movements.

For instance, the bully may back away from you and act like he is going to punch you, then stop himself and laugh.

They may also lunge at you, then stop themselves. These tactics are the favorite of bullies. Understand that bullies make these deliberate moves to cause you to flinch.

They then stand back and laugh. Then, they claim that this normal reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

4. Mock physical attacks.

For example, bullies may begin dancing around the room and shadowboxing. By doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

The best defense against this is calling the bully out. Here’s what you say:

  • “Do you realize how foolish you look?”
  • “Wow! You look like a total moron!”, “whack-job”, etc.

Understand that there is a proper way to counter a bully using these kinds of tactics. And that is to insult his intelligence or sanity. And when you do, it’s best to do it in front of an audience.

The bully will either back off or react emotionally. Bullies absolutely despise looking like fools and being called out on it.

Tactics Bullies Use:

5. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha questions, but so are bullies. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha questions are those that put you in a bad light, no matter how you respond. They can do damage even if you don’t respond to them at all.

Therefore, these are the types bullies will ask you in public, just to humiliate you. In fact, these kinds are best asked in front of an audience.

Gotcha questions are forms of entrapment. Why? Because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

examples of Gotchas:

  • “Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says Jeff was arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested, whether his friends realize it or not.

If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends are aware of it.

  • “Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution, whether anyone knows it or not.

If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Bullies ask gotchas to entrap you.

  • “Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this, the bully is accusing Tabitha of having alcoholism without directly doing so. It’s a slick way for them to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information.

It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

  • “Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes or no, or choose not to respond. Either way, the bully is still implying that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. It’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are being bullied, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

healthy responses to gotchas:

If a bully ever confronts you with a gotcha, this is how to respond:

  • “You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”
  • “You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I’m wise to your games. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible.

It may or may not save your good name. However, you’ll feel good knowing you called it out without letting the bully throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Tactics Bullies Use:

6. Smear Campaigns

It always starts subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. And all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because bystanders will want to believe it.

If enough people do, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion, no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, the bullies will fade into the background.

They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! Let’s break it down.

How it works:

For example, bullies start by suggesting that you would be better off getting professional help. They will say that it’s for your own good.

They may then drop an offhand comment here and another there. In the beginning, you may have friends and be very well-liked. And they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when your bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what they told you.” Or, the bullies may lie to them by claiming that sometime in the past, you stabbed them in the back.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies, even things that never happened.

Tactics Bullies Use:

The rumors get bigger and more bizarre as they spread.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, they get bigger. Finally, they sound so bizarre that they’d make good content for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. And I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

Wrong!

Once the rumors start sticking, your buddies will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. Therefore, you’ll no longer have a clean reputation.

Before long, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect. And the only reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into everyone’s hearts.

They’ll say you put on a front. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Your good qualities won’t matter.

They’ll rewrite your history. Your past wins and accomplishments will be made irrelevant. They will minimize anything good about you, while maximizing your mistakes and failures.

Even if they see with their own eyes evidence of your successes, friendships, or anything positive, they’ll deny it. Or they’ll only react by claiming that you’re a smooth-talker who’s darn good at manipulating others.

Moreover, your former friends will claim that they never liked you from the start. They’ll only say that they were kind to you because you deceived them.

They’ll tell others, “who you really are.” And they’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations. If they ever agreed with you about your bullies, they only did so because you fooled them.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Telling your side of things will be pointless.

And telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

Their minds will already be made up, and there will be no changing them.

What you should do if you ever find yourself in this situation.

Many of the tactics bullies use are good. You’ve got to admit. Moreover, they’re damn hard to undo.

If you ever become the target of a smear campaign, it’s best to find a way out of the environment. And don’t look back. Also, you must write these people off forever.

This post is all about the sneaky tactics bullies use so you can recognize them and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2.  Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims 

4. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or a just an Asshole?

5.  How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

when victims of bullying change schools reddit

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools: 12 Things to Expect

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Want to know what happens when victims of bullying change schools? You would be pleasantly surprised. Here’s what you have to look forward to if you’re a victim of bullying and a school transfer is on the horizon.

when victims of bullying change schools

When you’re bullied at school, it’s like you’re living in a totalitarian social environment. For 8 hours a day, the student body feels entitled to police your very identity. And that’s usually your cue to get out of the environment.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the positive outcomes that occur when victims of bullying change schools.

Once you learn all about these exciting details, you will be more ready to escape bullying once and for all and switch to a new school.

This post is all about the positive changes that happen when victims of bullying change schools, so that you won’t waste another day in a toxic learning environment.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools

When you change schools after being bullied, you will feel like a hostage who has finally been rescued. You will feel like a bird out of a cage.

It won’t be just a change of scenery; it will be a change of life! Why? Because your life will make a complete 180-degree turn around. I say this because mine did when I changed schools.

leaving a toxic school

Understand that when you’re in a toxic school, you feel like a hostage. Why? Because you suffer from bullying. And every move you make is dictated by the threat of physical violence or social execution.

So what happens when you transfer to a new school?

1. The End of HYPER-VIGILANCE

In the old school, you had to constantly scan for threats. You always wondered who was staring at you and who was whispering. Even worse, you were always watching your back.

You knew that any moment, someone was going to run up behind you and clock you in the back of the head. And they’d probably get away with it.

When you finally get a chance to transfer to a new school, you will undergo a major psychological shift. And you will feel like you’ve been liberated!

Why? Because, at the new school, you will be able to walk down the halls without your heart thumping out of your chest. You will no longer have to live in survival mode.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

2. Your privacy will be restored.

In the old school, everyone was always prying into your business. You were always having to protect your personal life.

However, in the new school, no one will hold the keys to your private life. In fact, no one will care. There, you no longer have to hide secrets to survive. You can just be “the new kid.”

By changing schools, you replace the intrusiveness of bullies with the indifference of strangers.

3. You reclaim your identity.

When you transfer to a new school, you’re no longer “that loser” or “that wimp.” You’re just a fresh face. You’re the new kid that everyone wants to meet.

You no longer need to mask to protect yourself. Now, you can relax and just be yourself. And because you’re the new kid, you have allure and mystery.

You can start with a clean slate. Therefore, from here, you can put your best foot forward. And you can reinvent yourself.

4. You get to know yourself again.

Sometimes bullying can cause you to lose sight of who you are. However, when you change schools, you can get to know yourself again.

And before you know it, you’ll be back to your charming self in no time.

In the old school, bullies disconnected you from yourself. But in the new school, you rediscover who you are. Moreover, you can learn to love yourself.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

5. You get rid of any threats.

In the old school, you had to put on your bitch face to keep predators away. Maybe you felt you needed to hide your true self. Or you needed to put on a tough exterior.

However, you don’t need to do any of these things now. In the new school, the threat is gone. Why? Because the bullies from the old school can no longer reach you.

6. The post-escape high.

You will feel a sense of exhilaration. And it won’t be because of winning any fights with bullies. This amazing feeling will be a calm sense of sovereignty. Why? Because you’ve won your life back.

You are finally free from the clutches of your bullies. This freedom gives you rest. At the same time, it gives you excitement for the future. Now, you can finally look forward to it instead of dreading it.

For instance, at the old school, you dreaded going to school each morning. But now, you wake up, looking forward to the day ahead. You can’t wait to jump onto the school bus and meet new peers.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:
7. Your Grades will drastically improve.

You’ll enjoy learning. As a result, schoolwork will get easier. And it will seem like magic. Why? Because you’ll no longer be living in survival mode.

In other words, you won’t spend all your energy looking out for bullies. Instead, you’ll focus it all on learning. And your grades will skyrocket.

Instead of making Cs, Ds, and Fs, you’ll begin making As and Bs. I tell you this because the same thing happened when I switched schools.

8. You’ll get to start over with a blank slate.

Starting with a blank slate gives you a second chance. In a new school, you will no longer be spending 99 percent of your brain power on survival. Therefore, your social life can only improve.

And you will flourish from now on.

9. You’ll find it easier to make friends.

When you transfer to a new school, you will make friends much more easily than you did in the old school. Why? Because you won’t have the bullies from the old school narrating your life.

There will be no pre-written script. You left your old victim role behind when you left the old school.

Then, you’ll be calm and relaxed in the new school.

People are attracted to those who are calm and comfortable with themselves because it signals confidence. This will help you make friends easily and effortlessly.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

10. You’ll find it easier to be yourself.

In the old school, you had to put on a front to find one shred of power. But not anymore.

In the new school, you will no longer feel the need to perform. Instead, you’ll feel sage enough to drop the act and be yourself.

People are naturally attracted to authenticity. And because you can now relax and be yourself, you’ll be a people-magnet.

Your new classmates will want to talk to you, hang out with you, and invite you to their clubs and meetings.

11. You’ll finally have acceptance. 

In the old school, people tolerated you at best. But in the new school, people accept you. You will feel validated because of the invites you get.

Moreover, you will enjoy sitting on the ball field, chatting and laughing with your new friends. This will only prove that the problem at your old school was never you. It was the toxic environment you were stuck in.

When Victims of Bullying Change Schools:

12. You will want to forget about the old school.

In fact, you won’t feel the need to tell anyone at the old school about your old environment. You will think it best just to leave that part of your life behind. Moreover, you will want to protect your new start.

By keeping the bullying you suffered in the past a secret, you’ll protect your new normal. Because you have social status with your new peers, you can put the old life to rest. You can close the book forever.

But most importantly, you can bring about healing and recovery. Why? Because you refuse to allow what was done to you to define you. And your new friends will feel like a wall that protects you.

In conclusion

In a bullying environment, you’re like a bird in a cage. A bird can’t fly in a cage. So, its captors label it “broken.” But once the bird escapes the cage and experiences the open air, it realizes that it is a natural at it.

That’s what bullying does. It’s a vicious cycle. It traps you in helplessness. It strips you of self-belief. Changing schools helps you to break out of that cage. In a new environment, you can relax and be yourself.

Why, because you no longer need to live in survival mode. The threat is gone. And you’re no longer a victim. You’re a survivor. And you’re on your way to being an overcomer.

In your new school, you can start fresh with a clean slate. Therefore, so many opportunities will open for you. You can make friends with your new classmates. You can improve your grades and flourish as a student.

And you can enjoy your new life without ever looking back.

“When a flower doesn’t bloom,

we change the environment, not the flower.”

– Unknown –

This post was all about the amazing things that happen when victims of bullying change schools so that you can look forward to your transfer with hope and excitement.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

2. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

3. When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing  

when bullying progresses to mobbing psychology

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

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What happens when bullying progresses to mobbing? What are the signs that it’s headed that way? Read here to find out.

when bullying progresses to mobbing

In this post, you will learn how to tell when bullying progresses to mobbing.

Once you learn all these tell-tale signs, you will be able to get out of the environment before things get too toxic.

This post outlines the signs you’ll notice when bullying progresses to mobbing so you can begin creating an exit plan before the abuse reaches a fever pitch.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

Mobbing is bullying by large groups. It happens when everyone in a school, workplace, or community collectively harasses a targeted individual.

The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader in a position of power. Mobbing usually happens out of retaliation.

It begins when a bullying victim gets fed up with abuse and finally speaks up about it. There are other names for mobbing, such as Collective Bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect you to stay quiet. Moreover, they demand that you bow down to and submit to it.

And when you finally assert your right to be treated as a human being, they punish you for it.

How do you describe it?

A large group of people (a mob) targets you because you opened your mouth. Over time, they become increasingly aggressive. Moreover, the number of attackers grows until you’re completely isolated.

Understand that this is coordinated. It’s designed to strip you of power. They reinforce a shared negative view of you, regardless of your prior reputation.

As vicious gossip circulates, destructive labels and damaging accusations will follow. And they only further alienate you from everyone else.

The mob will expand to include several teachers or managers and large numbers of students or coworkers. What’s shocking is that even the sweetest, most compassionate people suddenly become mean and nasty.

And they won’t think they’re participants in bullying. Instead, they’ll see themselves as defenders against an evil enemy.

They’ll justify their behavior. Why? Because if they saw themselves as bullying participants, it would go against their sense of decency.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

In groups, people change quickly.

Groups change people. Always! Why? Because they feel they must conform. Mobbing is the most damaging because you quickly lose support.

More people jump on the hate bandwagon until everyone closes ranks, and there’s no one left who will help you. And, once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

Chronic Bullying

Chronic bullying is bullying that has persisted over time. When bullying has gone on for six months or longer, people grow comfortable with the bullying.

Therefore, they will skyrocket the torment and pursue you obsessively and nonstop. Why? Because there’s no accountability. And if there’s no accountability, they have no incentive to stop.

As a result, the bullies become cocky. In fact, they get so brazen that the cruelty only grows.

Also, bystanders’ apathy grows until they lose all empathy. Then, they can only feel blind hatred toward you. It gets so bad that anything they do to you, no matter how dangerous, is acceptable.

Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing. The scary thing is that it progresses more quickly than you realize. Therefore, you must find ways to address it in the early stages.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The bullying seems to take on a life of its own.

As mentioned earlier, the bullies have followers and minions backing them up. They enlist flying monkeys to do their dirty work.

Before long, the bullying becomes so ingrained and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own. Bullies become drunk on their own power. Their hatred seems to be all they can focus on.

Instead of controlling their behavior, the behavior controls them. The bullies are blinded by senseless rage. And they’re so addicted to power that the abuse becomes constant. This is a dangerous combination.

Understand that when bullying progresses to mobbing, bullies don’t see you as a human being. As far as they’re concerned, you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as they do.

This is why mobbing can be especially dangerous. Once it reaches this level, you run the risk of either dying by suicide or being murdered.

Get out of the environment as soon as you figure out that they’re mobbing you. Transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area. It’s the only way you will find peace.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The Process Step-By-Step

If you’ve ever been a target of mobbing, you know firsthand how destructive it is. Mobbing is hard to remedy.

The reason is that the tactics are difficult to name or describe. Another reason is that it can leave you so distraught that you’re unable to think clearly.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A mobbing campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks.

You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. Target Selection.

Here’s a scenario of mobbing in the workplace.

The bullies at XYZ company dislike a specific lady who refuses to conform to their standards. In the past, the bullies successfully influenced everyone else. They have gotten them to submit.

Then, along comes Cindy. She’s beautiful and extremely likable. Confident and outgoing, she makes friends easily.

However, she does her own thing. Cindy is fiercely independent, and this threatens the bullies’ power.

She doesn’t realize that by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies. So, she goes on about her business. She plans for her future and achieves good things.

Also, she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

2. Probing.

The bullies watch Cindy closely. They consistently clock her to study her behavior to anticipate her reactions. They figure out her likes and dislikes. Moreover, they find what excites her.

3. Smear Campaign

Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy. They gossip and spread ugly rumors about her.

Through their lies, they train others to expect a specific type of behavior from Cindy. They point out specific behaviors when they occur.

The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil. For example, Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter.

The bullies watch Cindy banter with people at work. She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball,” but others know that it’s all harmless. Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

Therefore, she’s only teasing.

4. The bullies begin making offhand comments.

They remark that her kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass. They say that she wants something from people. Therefore, they plant a little seed of doubt.

Maybe Cindy thinks the people around her really are dummies. She only disguises it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness. And she’s funny.

The bullies also make statements that she thinks she’s cute. They tell others that she thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Then repeat, repeat, repeat!

To quote a propaganda minister to a well-known dictator in history, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

5. The repeated narrative begins to stick.

The next time others see her being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute. The banter isn’t so funny anymore.

Now, people see a side of her they can’t believe they never noticed before.

Feeling smug with gratification, the bullies look at each other, then at Cindy. They wear smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing over again. The progress is slow, but it’s working.

6. One by One, others buy into the narrative.

 And before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in her to begin with. They start to feel negative toward this poor girl.

7. You begin noticing that something is off.

Cindy begins to pick up on the negative vibes. She withdraws a little.

She doesn’t speak to people as much as she used to. And she doesn’t understand what she did to bring it about.

The bullies notice that Cindy is more distant than usual. Doing what they do best, they use it against her. So, they quickly point this out to everyone.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? She really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s better than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

8. they use your reaction as a weapon.

Cindy’s withdrawal only inflames everyone’s feelings of resentment. Although her becoming distant is only out of self-protection, others mistake it for smugness and arrogance.

9. It gets worse until you leave to protect yourself.

The bullying only snowballs from there. It gets worse and worse over time until it morphs into mobbing. Understand that we’re all human, and we make mistakes. Therefore, we misjudge others all the time.

Mobbing can happen anywhere, not only in the workplace, but also in school. It’s even worse for kids because they are still developing. Moreover, kids who are mobbed at school get bullied by teachers. And it is a cycle.

Bullies condition an entire group to see any quality in a particular person as a bad thing. And that’s when a smear campaign is most effective.

Therefore, everyone, even those who aren’t bullies, can quickly turn cruel. And they repeat the same cruelty, over and over again.

When bullying progresses to mobbing, it’s unstoppable. And the only way you can take your life back is to leave the environment.

Bullying always escalates if it’s left unchecked. And when something bad is left unchecked, there’s no incentive to hide it, much less stop it.

The post gave you the details of what happens when bullying progresses to mobbing so that you will recognize the warning signs and get out before it affects your mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

2. Bullying or Mobbing?

3. Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

4. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

5. Examples of a Teacher Bullying a Student: School Mobbing

how to handle bullying in high school

How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

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‘Want to know how to handle bullying? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you need to know about.

how to handle bullying

Despite all the information available, many victims of bullying don’t know how to deal with it. And they continue to have their lives ruined by people who take pleasure from their pain.

Therefore, in this post, you will get powerful tips on how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it and emerge a winner.

Once you learn all these crucial moves, you will be able to face bullying with strength and, eventually, overcome it and move on to a happier and more peaceful life.

This post is all about how to handle bullying so that you can overcome and begin building a good life for yourself.

How to Handle Bullying

Many victims do not know how to deal with bullies. And one thing that gets them in trouble is becoming emotional. This is not good because it gives the bullies exactly what they want. Here are better ways to handle bullying.

1. Respond but don’t react.

Overreacting. Any overreaction to the taunts, insults, and attacks from bullies only brings more problems. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson through time-consuming trial and error.

It only gave my bullies what they wanted. Also, it could’ve gotten me either maimed or killed. But you don’t have to.

Overreacting can have a boomerang effect. If you get overly emotional, your bullies will only bully you more. Moreover, they could use your overreaction against you. Here’s how.

Bullies use your overreaction to play the victim role.

When you overreact, it can make you look like the aggressor. Therefore, your bullies may provoke you just to bait you into reacting. So why not use a different strategy?

2. Respond calmly.

When you respond calmly, you keep your mental shit together. Therefore, you look better to bystanders and witnesses. Moreover, staying calm drives bullies nuts. Your calmness can make them emotional.

Therefore, you’re turning their tactic against them.

How to Handle Bullying:

3. Fake a surrender or submission.

Make it look as if you’re giving in to your bullies’ demands. I realize this may feel a bit cowardly to you. However, you aren’t caving in, you’re only making your bullies think you are.

This works with physical bullies who have anger issues. So, remain calm and make them believe they have the upper hand. Doing so will stabilize their temper.

But wait! There’s another benefit! Your bullies probably expect you to react with aggression. But if you don’t, it will throw them off. When you remain calm and agree with them, it will shock them.

The element of surprise is a powerful weapon.

Use your fake surrender as part of a bigger plan once you fool them into thinking you care. On the inside, you continue to stand your ground. But on the outside, you give in to their desires.

Doing so can give you time to quietly plan a countermeasure that will bring the bullies down. Smarts will always trump aggression every time!

However, understand that this takes a truckload of self-control. And, as mentioned earlier, you may feel like a wimp when you use this technique. Just remember this.

play dead to save your life.

You’re not giving the bullies what they want. You only look like you are. You’re only playing dead to save your life!

And, by faking your submission, you also allow yourself time to study your bullies and carefully plot your next moves.

And when the bullies are satisfied and lay off you, you’ll finally have room to make your countermove.

So, go ahead—fake your submission. Get close to your bullies and learn their ways. Give them no reason to react, nothing to prepare for, and no cause for resistance. Then, when the time is right, BAM!

They won’t know what hit them.

Any time you make it look as if you submit to your bullies, you’re only mocking them. It’s silent disdain – like expelling a silent fart in their direction. Only they don’t know they’ve been farted on.

You turn their own power against them, making them look like idiots. But they can’t retaliate because you did what they told you to do. Right?

How to Handle Bullying:

4. Don’t fall into the explaining trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet bullies are good at getting you to explain yourself for things you don’t have to.

Worst of all, most victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needless explanations. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Don’t be that victim. You don’t owe them a damn thing. Refuse to explain.

5. Calmly call them out.

In other words, if they try to manipulate you, call out their behavior. But do it calmly.

And, if your bullies ask you, “What did we do?” you don’t have to offer any long explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.”

Then, walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curveball. Say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Or, you can insult them by saying, “What are you? Five?” This is a great comeback. You’re not only refusing to allow those creeps to manipulate you. You’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

How to Handle Bullying:

6. choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

Silence usually screams the loudest. Therefore, if you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

7. Look the bully in the eye.

A hard glare works wonders, especially in the early stages of bullying.

Again, look the bully in the eye. If that’s too difficult, then look the bully between the eyes. I found that when I looked my bully between the eyes, I was less intimidated.

So try this, and I bet you won’t be as intimidated either.

Moreover, make sure you have a stone face or mirror the look on the bully’s face. By doing this, you’ll look less like a victim.

Do this, and others will take you more seriously. And bullies may think twice about messing with you again.

How to Handle Bullying:

8. Use Confident Body Language.

Avoid submissive body language, such as slouching or hunching. Instead, stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Also, refrain from self-protective behaviors, such as crossing your arms or looking down. Use open body language and make good eye contact with people. Smile.

9. Mirror the bully’s body language.

Most seasoned bullies like to intimidate you with death glares. And, sadly, many victims don’t know how to respond to nonverbal bullying.

Therefore, the best response is always to mirror the bully’s expressions back at them. In other words, if someone gives you a death glare, give one back.

An eye for an eye.

10. Fight if you must.

If the bully gets in your face or hits you, the gloves are off! This is when it’s time to haul off and punch the bully in the face as hard as you can.

If possible, hit the jerk so hard that you put them on the floor, but don’t stop there.  This is your chance to give the bully a well-deserved ass-whipping! Beat them so bad that they won’t want to come near you a second time!

How to Handle Bullying:

11. Have a few comebacks handy. 

Verbal bullies love to run their mouths. And the last thing you should do is stay silent when someone is verbally insulting you. You must stand up to them.

Therefore, you must be ready to fire off a good one-liner. For instance, if a bully tells you that your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army, you can say, “Oh, you shop there too?”

If the bully tells you, “Nobody likes you,” you can respond with, “Who’s nobody? You?” Or you say, “You’re nobody. So, you’re right.”

There are all kinds of witty comebacks you can use. The trick is to know what they are. But here’s the thing. When you use these comebacks, you must do it calmly. Add a smile, and it’s even better.

Calm and cool is the rule. You can find more good comebacks here.

This post was all about knowing how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it instead of continuing to live with it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

2. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down  

3. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up 

reputation loop psychology

Reputation Loop: The 1 Thing that Keeps Bullying Victims Stuck

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Have you ever heard of the reputation loop? Here, you’ll learn what it is and how it negatively affects victims of bullying.

reputation loop

“Character is who you are. Reputation is who people think you are.” 

Many people have reputations that are largely undeserved. You have great people who have bad reputations due to lies, rumors, or honest mistakes. Then you have bad people with good reputations because they’re good at faking it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the reputation loop and why it keeps you stuck if you’re a victim of bullying.

Once you learn all the crucial details, you will be able to call them out by name. In that, you will be better able to articulate what is happening to you and defend yourself.

This post is all about the reputation loop, so that you can put a name on this vicious cycle and explain it in an intelligible manner. Moreover, you will also be able to better defend yourself against it.

Reputation loop

First off, what is the reputation loop? It is a phenomenon fueled by confirmation bias; it is a vicious cycle that perpetuates negative judgment even long after the victim has grown and matured.

It’s true that people change as they get older. However, a bad reputation usually develops during high school. And sadly, that reputation can stick no matter what.

For example, a high school boy steals and is rightfully branded a thief. However, he grows into a man and stops stealing. He soon gets an honest job, gets married, and has children. And, from then on, he lives a good life.

He works hard and takes care of his family. Later, he starts his own business.

However, those who knew him in high school refuse to accept that he has turned over a new leaf. Therefore, they cling tightly to the belief that he is still a thief. Therefore, they still think it’s okay to bully him.

This is the reputation loop at work.

“The Fishbowl Effect”

Some schools, companies, and towns are rigid as hell. Moreover, they are cliquey. In these kinds of places, one mistake can define you for the rest of your life. And if you’re a victim of bullying, this is all the more true.

However, in another area, the same error may not be such a big deal. One place may value athletics, whereas another may value artistic creativity.

This is why many victims and survivors of bullying leave town once they’re out of school. They move away to start anew with a clean slate.

Why? Because in the new town, the victim of bullying has no history. Therefore, no one is keeping a tally of their mistakes.

It’s not that the victims changed; it’s that the rules did. Therefore, you can be an outcast in one place but find your friends in another. It’s what happened for me when I finally changed schools.

Reputation Loop:

Often, Social Standing isn’t about who you are.

In most cases, reputation has little to do with who you are as a person. It’s more about the environment you’re in. It’s about how your interests line up with the social hierarchy.

Therefore, again, the same person can be well-liked in one place and hated in another.

Confirmation bias.

Once everyone decides that you’re “the troublemaker,” “the mentally imbalanced one,” or whatever label they assign you, they’ll stop noticing any good or neutral behavior.

Instead, they will watch your every move, looking for any behaviors that prove them right about you.

For example, if you do something “good,” they’ll only assume you have ulterior motives. If you do something trivial, like accidentally spill a glass of milk, they’ll see it as you being disruptive.

In short, they only filter the real you through their pre-existing lens.

Not so Great Expectations.

If they expect you to be bad, they’ll find ways to show it. Even if they must twist everything. They may also take things out of context.

Reputation Loop:

The vicious cycle of a tarnished reputation.

Sadly, once you have a bad reputation, others who don’t know the real you will reinforce it. Why? Because once they label you, it will be much harder to change their minds.

People, especially bullies, don’t care about being fair. Instead, they want to be right about you, even if it is a lie. Therefore, they will only look for evidence that proves that the labels are true.

In this situation, they aren’t only watching you, they’re policing the perimeters of who they think you are. Once they put you in a category, they will push against any change.

Why? Because it threatens the social order and their place in it.

Therefore, expect bullies and their followers to fight your growth. Anytime you act “good,” you behave differently than what they expect. In other words, you deviate from the role they assigned you. So, they will try to provoke you just to suck you back into that role.

Social Signaling.

Your reputation becomes a social shield that others can use to reduce risks to their own reputations.

As the labels spread and quickly stick, more and more people will stay away from you. The reason they avoid you isn’t necessarily that they don’t like you. They do it to protect their own social standing.

These people may not be mean; they may be just scared.

They don’t want to be “guilty by association.” Birds of a feather flock together. Therefore, they will do what they have to do to prove to everyone else that they’re nothing like you.

Many of them may even bully you. Bystanders are notorious for joining bullies in mocking you. And they do it for no other reason than to keep you at the bottom of the pecking order.

Also, they do it to keep from becoming the next targets. If they can keep everyone picking on you, then they get to be left alone.

And some may be extra brutal to you, especially if an audience is watching. But what they’re really doing is flaunting their own status by stomping on yours.

Bullies at the top determine acceptable behavior for each person. Therefore, if you try to improve your life and rise above the abuse “without their approval,” they will bully you worse.

Why? Because they will see it as a challenge to their authority.

Reputation Loop:

People see you the way they want to see you.

People will actively resist any positive changes you make. Why? Because it threatens the narrative.

Therefore, if you aren’t careful, the label they assigned you may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is exactly what your bullies want.

‘You see? When you’re stuck in a reputation loop, others will see your maturity as a threat to the established pecking order. So, they work hard to turn you back into the old you they already recognize.

Why? Because the old you is the you they were benefiting from.

You become the scapegoat.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And if people expect trouble to come from a particular place, then that’s where they’re going to look.

Therefore, if anything goes wrong, they will instinctively look at the person with the worst reputation. For instance, if a computer gets broken or someone’s purse gets stolen, they’ll point the finger at you.

It’s a low-risk tactic for them because everyone else automatically assumes you did it.

Reputation Loop:

If you aren’t careful, they may cause you to internalize the bullying.

This is what’s most dangerous. After you’ve been labeled for long enough, the noise moves from outside to inside your mind. The bullying gets so intense that the very air you breathe begins to feel toxic.

Often, the pressure of bullying causes victims to change how they see themselves. This is called “The Pygmalion Effect.” As a result, you may start behaving in ways that match their beliefs.

In other words, if people constantly treat you like you’re an evil person, you’ll likely give up trying to connect with anyone. And why not? It’s easy to do when all you get is rejection.

As a result, you begin to believe the script they write for you. You start thinking, “I must deserve the abuse. Otherwise, so many people wouldn’t have it in for me.” Therefore, you believe there’s something wrong with you rather than with the environment.

Instead of “they don’t understand me,” you start thinking, “I’m unlikable.”

You may start acting like a jerk because you feel you have nothing to lose.

You unconsciously match your behavior with everyone else’s perception of you. This is how you end up proving that they were right about you all along.

They will turn you into a person you no longer like or even recognize. In essence, bullies steal your identity.

So, what happens when this happens?

Reputation Loop:

You may begin masking.

So, what is masking? It is a survival mechanism where you change your personality just to make the bullying stop.

Many bullying victims hide their true selves just to survive. You may have tried to cover up your emotions. For example, you may laugh when you really want to cry.

Or, you may put on a fake smile to hide the pain. Why? Because you don’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing that they’re hurting you.

However, masking may work, but only temporarily. The safety and acceptance you get will be short-lived. Then you will be back at square one. Also, it will slowly chip away at your identity until you don’t even recognize who you are.

Anytime you adopt a false persona as a defense strategy, you start to self-monitor. You waste time and energy monitoring your words and body language.

You rehearse responses and scan others for signs of contempt. Social interactions stop being fun and start being stressful.

When this happens, the human stress response goes into overdrive. Your central nervous system stays in constant high alert. This is okay in short bursts.

However, when you live in constant survival mode for an extended period, it will eventually lead to physical exhaustion. Moreover, you may suffer from headaches, nausea, vomiting, and sleep disruptions.

You may give up.

Or you may do the opposite of masking. You may decide that if people think you’re evil, then you might as well act like it.

“If they think I’m a bitch, then I’m going to be the biggest and meanest bitch they’ve ever met.”

Reputation Loop:

You may punish yourself for not living up to their standards.

By forcing yourself to be who they want you to be to avoid trouble, you stifle yourself. Also, you needlessly blame yourself. But realize that you aren’t the problem; the environment is.

Why? Because the environment feeds a culture of bullying and abuse.

You become Hyper-vigilant. 

You over-analyze every facial expression, every laugh, and every whisper. When someone is genuinely kind, you assume they have an ulterior motive. Therefore, you shut out people who would otherwise be true friends.

You mistake smiles for smirks. Instead of laughing with you, you think others are laughing at you. Someone may gaze at you because they think you’re attractive. However, you’ll think that they’re staring at you because they see a defect that you don’t see.

Moreover, you overthink every conversation long after it’s over.

How to Break the Reputation Loop.

The best way to end this vicious cycle is to leave the bullying environment. It’s the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

Moving to a new environment, whether it’s a new school or town, automatically breaks this cycle. You escape the pre-existing hatred. In the new place, you no longer need to fight the ghosts of the past.

Moreover, you realize that everything the people in the old environment told you was a lie. Then, the internalization of past bullying quickly fades.

Why? Because you realize that it was only a survival reaction to a toxic environment. It’s funny how much clearer things are once you are out of a bad situation.

Therefore, it’s much easier to relax and be yourself. As a result, your true colors have a chance to shine through. When you move away from a toxic environment, from the social signals that kept you trapped, you break those chains.

Reputation Loop:

In Conclusion:

The reputation loop keeps you stuck in a never-ending cycle of unfair labels, stigma, and abuse. It’s a hallmark of social bullying.

Once you’ve been a victim of a smear campaign, it’s almost impossible to turn it around.

You may actually be a person of strong character. But it won’t matter because your reputation will overshadow that.

You may mature and change the way you respond to bullying over time. However, others only ignore your progress and focus on the way you used to react.

Moreover, they may use different tactics to pull you back into old behaviors. Therefore, the best way to break this vicious cycle is to leave the environment.

Whether you decide to change schools, transfer to a different workplace, or move away, go somewhere you can feel safe.

Then you can escape the stigma, relax, and be yourself. Know that you deserve to live in peace. Therefore, do what you must.

This post was all about the reputation loop so that you will know when a situation is impossible and take steps to escape it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You 

4. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

5. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

inciting bullying behavior

Inciting Bullying

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‘Want to know about inciting bullying and how bullies do it? Here are all the dirty details you need to know.

inciting bullying

Not only do bullies love to bully you personally. They also like to incite bullying between you and others. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what inciting bullying looks like.

Once you learn all about these vital details, it will save you a lot of trouble because you will be able to head it off before you get sucked into the drama.

This post is all about what inciting bullying looks like so that you can recognize it when it happens to you. And you can stop it before it starts.

Inciting bullying

So, what tactics do bullies use to incite bullying? Here is a list of them.

1. Baiting you into an altercation with someone else.

Bullies will often bait you into a confrontation with someone outside the bully/victim relationship. Here are several reasons:

  • To create a situation where they can watch gleefully as someone else reams you out.
  • Turning others against you.
  • Creating drama and entertainment
  • To parade you in front of an audience
  • Distracting attention from their own evil deeds. In other words, if others are too busy fighting each other, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what the bullies are doing.
  • To isolate you by making you look like the bad guy. The more people they can turn against you, the worse you look, and the less power you have.

When this happens, those who your bullies pit against you will start their sentences off as:

  • “Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
  • “Somebody told me that you did…”
  • “I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
  • “Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind my back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

Did you notice the first two to three words in each of the bulleted sentences?

Here are your First Clues of Inciting Bullying.

This is what happens when a bully instigates conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with. The first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

  • “I heard…”,
  • “Somebody told me…”
  • “It’s going around that…”
    or
  • “It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clues of incitement. In other words, one or more of your bullies is trying to pit these people against you.

The Correct Way to Respond

Therefore, if you face this scenario, laugh at the accuser and use one of the comebacks below.

“Really? Have you heard? You’re  so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you a moron!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

Challenge your accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. You will stun your accuser. And you will sorely disappoint your bullies, who will surely be watching from afar.

How I wish I were this quick in school. However, as an adult, I am better able to defuse it with the above counterstatements.

Always imply that your accuser is a fool for believing the lies. I guarantee that the person will back down. Moreover, the bullies will think twice about trying to sow discord a second time.

It worked for me.

2. Inciting Bullying:

The Secret Admirer Bait

Your bullies will use this to bait someone to insult and humiliate you. And they’ll usually do it when there’s a big crowd around to see it.

Here’s how it Works:

Your bullies and a few classmates or coworkers will spot you in the parking lot. This is where large crowds usually gather there between classes or during breaks. You’ll be nearby and within earshot.

If you happen to be a female, the bullies will point to a nearby male and say,

“Hey, (your name)! John said he was madly in love with you!”
John will then get on the defensive and say,
“Oh, hell, no! I don’t like that ugly thing!” or, “That whore? No freakin’ way!”

Therefore, by doing this, your bullies slyly bait John into a knee-jerk reaction. And he will insult and humiliate you. The bullies achieve gratification by seeing John disrespect you.

Moreover, the icing on the cake is that he did it loudly, in front of an audience.

The secret admirer bait is mainly used in middle and high school. However, immature adults also use it against victims at work.

If this happens, deal out a good burn for the dummy who allowed themselves to be used by your bullies. You can say something like,

“No chance. I could never be that desperate, and you could never get that lucky.”

Then keep walking. They’ll deflate like a popped balloon.

Your witty comeback will sting the poor sucker who took the bully’s bait and tried to insult you. But hey! Better them than you. Right?

It’s always best to have a few good burns lined up and filed away, just in case someone decides to get cute. So, be prepared. Always find a good way to defend yourself.

3. Inciting Bullying:

The Invitation bait

In this situation, the bullies will, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, become chummy with you. They’ll pretend to have a change of heart. However, they do this to bring down your defenses and win your trust.

After they’ve won your trust, the bullies will invite you to a party, cookout, sleepover, or kegger. And, once they lure you there, they will set you up for a physical attack or humiliation.

Furthermore, they may even encourage you to drink alcohol or do drugs. Then, once they get you drunk or high, they may manipulate you into some compromising situations. Both school-aged and adult bullies use this little tactic.

Here are the signs to look for.

  • Sudden change of heart.
  • Overly friendly.
  • Excessive flattery.
  • You get the feeling that something is off.

No one ever becomes true friends overnight. Bullies will suddenly start to buddy up to you. And it will seem to come out of nowhere. Moreover, your gut will nag the hell out of you.

Pay attention because these are red flags!

Also, your bullies will lay the flattery on thick! They’ll overdo the pleasantries. Moreover, it will sound so sickeningly sweet that you’ll want to grab a barf bag.

Know that bullies are very convincing. If you’re young and still in school, you might overlook the yuck if you aren’t careful.

The best thing to do is steer clear! Why? Because the creeps are up to no good. Don’t go anywhere with them. Because once you’re alone with them, you’re at their mercy!

The more you stir shit, the more it stinks. And the more it stinks, the more they like it. Bullies are notorious for sowing discord among others. They can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it.

Inciting Bullying:

Sowing discord is done in politics.

Understand people sow discord in politics all the time. In fact, it’s what the media is best at. It is called the Divide-and-Conquer strategy. And sadly, it works.

The next time someone tries to turn you against a friend or tries to turn a friend against you, ask yourself. Who would the division benefit most? You, your friend, or the instigator?

4. Gossip

Not only do gossip and smear campaigns lower your social standing, but they also benefit bullies. It tightens their group connections. It confers higher status on those privy to negative information.

Moreover, it sets expectations and norms within the group for how they should treat you.

Through petty talk, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of you.

While using it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that you “deserve it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”

They tell others to keep it a secret. However, they also ask them to inform the group of any updates about you.

Realize that gossip reinforces bullies’ perceptions that their views and treatment of you are correct.

Inciting Bullying:

What Gossipers do to cover their gossip.

Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt. They begin their sentences with things like,

  • “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
  • “Poor thing…”
  • “Bless her heart…”

They will acknowledge that you’re a human being. However, they’ll only do it because it gives them the green light to keep talking. Also, it helps them to feel less like the creeps they are.

5. Influencing OTHERS’ Memories

As rumors and lies spread from person to person, people will distort any truth. Moreover, these details have a way of being inserted into others’ memories.

There have been cases of burglaries where the homeowners “thought they saw” an unarmed burglar with a gun. But there was no gun. In these cases, people don’t lie on purpose.

They actually “remember” seeing a gun in the criminal’s hand. And the reason they remember it so plainly is that they’ve heard and talked about it so much. Therefore, it caused their brains to fill in the blanks with the details they heard.

Another reason for false memories is that when bullies ask questions such as,

  • “Did you see her do this?”
  • “Did you hear him say that?”

They only suggest that she did do this, or that he did say that. It’s the Power of Suggestion at work.

It’s easy to influence people’s memories by presenting something in a particular way. The memory adjusts itself according to a person’s stereotypes and expectations.

People notice what they expect to see. In other words, their memories depend on social expectations —what they expect you to do, not what they are actually doing.

Understand that memories are mistaken and can be falsified. And whether accurate or make-believe, once it becomes a memory, there’s no way to tell the difference.

Inciting Bullying:

Playing Messenger

If you are already having trouble with another person, your bullies may fan the flames to make the situation worse. For instance, the person may be giving you trouble because they want to fit in with the bullies.

You may be angry and embarrassed. You may tell your friend what a piece of garbage the person is. And your bullies may eavesdrop on your conversation.

As a result, they overhear it and run back to the other person with what you just said about them. And the next thing you know, the person you are into it with wants to fight you for running your mouth behind their back.

Never mind that you were confiding in your closest friend. The bullies will conveniently leave that part out. It won’t matter that you were only getting stuff off your chest and confiding in a friend.

The only thing that will matter is that you said something bad about them. Therefore, they want to get even with you for it. When you know the many ways bullies try to get others to bully you and instigate drama, you’ll be one step ahead.

In closing

Incitement is the best way for bullies to get others involved. They rally everyone else together against you. Moreover, they do this by instilling outrage and whipping them into a frenzy.

If bullies can promote solidarity among everyone else, they can isolate you. And once you’re isolated, it’s almost impossible to have support. Therefore, know how bullies incite others to attack you, and you will be better able to recognize it and protect yourself.

This post was all about inciting bullying so that you can recognize it when it happens and protect YOURSELF.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Instigation: 3 Ways Bullies Sow Discord Between You and Others 

2. Sowing Discord: A Powerful Weapon of the Social Bully

3. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction

4. Signs of a Smear Campaign: 3 Indicators of Relational Bullying

low self-esteem synonym

Low Self-Esteem: 11 Easy and Effective Ways to Overcome It

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‘Want to know all the easy and effective ways to overcome low self-esteem? Here are all the crucial steps you need to know.

low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can destroy your life. Self-esteem can determine your entire life’s trajectory.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about low self-esteem, how to overcome it, and how to regain confidence.

Once you learn these vital details, you will be motivated to take the steps needed to raise your self-esteem and become confident and assured.

This post is all about low self-esteem, its roots, and how you can become more confident and improve your life.

Low Self-Esteem

Often, low self-esteem isn’t your fault. It is caused. Depending on how you were raised, sometimes your self-esteem can take a beating. And, over time, it can accumulate. Here are ways to overcome low self-esteem and regain confidence.

1. Change your environment.

Sometimes, the problem isn’t you. It’s the people around you. In a toxic environment, there are things that will kill your self-esteem. You have those who benefit from your self-doubt. They may give you constant criticism.

Also, they may attack you with ridicule disguised as jokes. They may also point out a physical flaw and body shame you. It’s difficult for self-love to survive constant disrespect.

Therefore, if you suffer bullying and you’ve tried everything to make it stop, it may be best to just leave. Flowers won’t bloom when all they receive is rain. Therefore, it’s best to move them to a better environment.

I realize that this isn’t always feasible. However, if you can, get out of the environment. You’ll be glad you did. I promise you.

2. Establish boundaries.

With every boundary you set, you say to yourself and everyone else, “I matter.” Therefore, you must have boundaries if you want respect. Examples of setting boundaries are saying, “No.”

Or, you can say, “I’m not comfortable with that.” Another part of setting them is not feeling the need to explain anything

When you set boundaries, you allow others to be angry, disappointed, or upset. And you don’t give a damn about it.

Moreover, you drop anyone who disrespects you. Why? Because you refuse to betray yourself “just to keep the peace.”

3. Low Self-Esteem:

Find something you’re good at and practice it.

Learn a skill you love, then practice consistently. Teach what you know to someone else. You see? When you know you’re good at something and you enjoy doing it, you will practice it.

As you practice, you’ll get better at it. As a result, your self-esteem will rise. This will serve as a buffer to any bully who tries to tear you down.

4. Take care of your body.

In other words, eat right and exercise. Taking care of your health also benefits your self-esteem. Moreover, you should practice good grooming, dressing, and hygiene.

Taking care of yourself also means getting plenty of rest. It helps when you feel good.

5. Low Self-Esteem:

Practice self-compassion.

When you give yourself compassion, you acknowledge the pain. This doesn’t mean you dwell on it. However, it does mean allowing yourself to feel your emotions.

Also, you forgive yourself for the behaviors you did just to survive. Realize that there were times when you didn’t have any choice. It was either do that thing you didn’t want to do or bullies would hurt you worse.

So, never beat yourself up for it. And forgive yourself for past mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn.

6. Know your worth.

When you seek approval, you only help your bullies destroy your self-esteem. Shift your mindset from “Do they like me?” to “Do I like them?”

Know that you count just as much as everyone else. And, so do your thoughts and opinions.

Low Self-Esteem:

Here are ways to reclaim your worth.

Define your values. In other words, figure out what they are. Then hold on to them no matter what others say.

Decide what matters to you. If it’s family, self-care, and your faith, be proud of that. And don’t allow anyone to shame you for it.

Also, you must be okay with being disliked. This is a biggie! Some people aren’t going to like you no matter what you do. Therefore, should you really care about that? They don’t matter.

So, focus on those who do.

Don’t be afraid of rejection. It’s a part of life. And life is not a popularity contest.

7. Do things that build your confidence.

One thing you can do is face your fears. Speak even when you’re afraid to. Take risks. Try even if there’s a chance that you’ll fail.

Display your talents and gifts. This is very important!

8. Low Self-Esteem:

Get support from those who love you.

Talk to trusted family members and friends. Get therapy. Go to support groups. Keep a daily journal. Read books and listen to podcasts on self-esteem and self-worth.

9. Heal.

You may have suffered bullying. Others may have constantly criticized you. You may have been punished for speaking up.

However, understand this. You are not how you were treated. So, don’t beat yourself up over any trauma responses. If you froze instead of standing up for yourself when you were attacked, make peace with it.

Forgive yourself for any fawning or people-pleasing you might have done to survive.

10. Build your self-trust.

When you trust yourself, you only grow your self-esteem. Building trust in yourself means finishing what you start. Moreover, it means keeping your promises to yourself.

Also, stop saying yes to bullies when you really want to say no. Listen to and act on your gut instincts, rather than ignoring them. And don’t punish yourself for mistakes; learn from them. Confidence comes from experience.

11. Low Self-Esteem: Chance your inner self-talk.

Negative self-talk is the biggest enemy to self-esteem. Therefore, notice your automatic thoughts (“I’m a failure.” “No one will ever love me.”).

Then, challenge them. Ask yourself, “Is this a fact or something some asshole told me?”

Name the voice. (“That’s my inner bully talking.” or “That’s my abusive ex talking.” or “That’s what my dad used to say to me when I was a child.”) The trick is to catch the negative self-talk and turn it into a positive one.

You should talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love. It won’t be easy. In fact, it will feel awkward at first.

However, the more you do this, the more natural it will feel until it becomes like second nature. So, start doing this today!

12. Befriend others who are bullied.

Many victims of bullying make this mistake. They bully others who are even weaker than they are. Then, they wonder why they have difficulty making friends.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to befriend others who are bullied. Why? Because you will automatically have something in common with them. And common ground is the best ingredient for friendship.

Remember that they’re lonely too. And they could use a good friend who will have their backs against bullies. That person can be you. Also, it will work wonders for your self-esteem.

Strength comes in numbers. Therefore, become friends with as many victims as possible. Then you can stand up for each other, and you won’t feel so alone in this.

13. Low Self-Esteem:

Cut ties with toxic people.

If you have people in your life who bring you nothing but drama, it’s time to cut ties. This may not be easy. However, when it comes to your mental well-being, walking away from those who mistreat you is paramount.

Know that you don’t deserve to be abused. You are just as good as everyone else. And you have the right not to be harmed. Therefore, sometimes it’s best just to walk away.

In closing

Low self-esteem is a plague that is sweeping the globe. And many do not know how to repair it. It seems that a good majority of the population has been trained to take shit off people and not to defend themselves.

Therefore, you must reject everything that you’ve been taught about how to handle bullying. Then retrain the self-preservation instincts that you were born with. Also, you must get to know yourself again.

Moreover, you must know all the signs that your self-esteem is beginning to wane. This is how you overcome low self-esteem.

If you’re being bullied, bullies may turn others against you. However, you don’t have to let them turn you against yourself. The trick is to refuse to see yourself through their eyes.

You must continue to love yourself even if everyone else hates you. 

There is a wealth of resources that can help you repair your self-esteem. You can order books or read articles that will teach you. Therefore, take advantage of the knowledge that is out there.

Why? Because knowledge is power. And it’s something that no one can ever take from you. Self-esteem can be your armor against bullies. Knowledge of bullying is your shield. And self-defense is your sword.

Begin practicing the above tips, and you will be on your way to overcoming bullying.

This post was all about low self-esteem so that you can take the steps you need to repair it and take back your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Low Self-Esteem Causes: 3 Things that Crush Your Confidence

2. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Love Yourself when Everyone Hates You