Do you want to know what coercive control looks like? These are the signs you must watch for if you want to stand against it or make your escape.
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Coercive control is harmful as it strips you of freedom and autonomy. As someone who has experienced this before, I’m giving you all the signs to watch for. These are characteristics that I and many others have seen firsthand, time and time again.
You will learn the exact indicators so that you can decide early on the best course of action to take back your personal power.
After you learn about all these characteristics of it, you will be better able to take back control of your life and protect yourself from any future coercion.
This post is all about the signs of coercive control that every empathetic, high-integrity person should know.
Signs of Coercive control
Before we go further, we must know that coercive control happens in all aspects of life. We most often hear of it running rampant between romantic partners and spouses.
Although true, coercive control also happens in school and on the job as well. Moreover, it is the main ingredient of school and workplace bullying and mobbing.
With that said, the first step in getting out of any controlling situation is to know the signs and what it looks like. Here are the signs.
Coercive control consists of behavior patterns that terrorize, punish, and harm its victims.
1. Ultimatums.
Ultimatums are the number one, most obvious sign of coercive control. They always include threats of some form of loss or harm.
Moreover, they are meant to induce terror and slowly chip away at your confidence. Bullies use ultimatums to condition you into believing that you have no other choice but to obey.
Therefore, the goal is to force your hand by threatening to take away something important. This could be the loss of a relationship.
It could also be the loss of your home or your children. It could ever be your job or your entire career.
In other words, bullies wield power by threatening the loss or harm to anything or anyone you love.
Here’s an example. An abusive spouse threatens to take the children if the wife leaves.
Also, we have seen this form of control run rampant in the last five years. An example would be during 2020 and 2021, the height of the you-know-what.
It was, “do this within thirty days or you will no longer have your job.” Or it was, “If you haven’t done that within the next two weeks, we’ll revoke your business license.”
Ultimatums are so blatant. There should be no question that they’re hallmarks of coercive control.
If people begin giving you ultimatums, know that they are trying to control you. Whether it’s an abusive partner or a toxic boss at work. They can also be bullies at school. Therefore, you must stand against it.
You have two choices. Either say no and back it up by refusing their demands, or head for the nearest exit. Do either of these, and you make a choice not to be controlled.
2. Physical Assaults and attacks.
Bodily harm is another one of the most blatant and obvious forms of coercive control. Not only do physical beatings harm you, but they also induce intense fear.
So, see them as a tool for bullies to reinforce their power and control.
Nobody wants to get brutally beaten. Bullies instinctively know this. Therefore, they use the threat of physical harm to get you to obey their orders.
Therefore, if physical bullies ever attack you, it’s best to defend yourself. You have every right to do so.
If you can’t defend yourself because of size, lack of strength, or physical ailment, get the police involved. At least have them make out a report.
The law may or may not do anything for you. However, if they file a report and give you a copy, you have a paper trail.
Also, you have established a history of abuse on the part of your bullies.
You should also document each occurrence of physical abuse, even if it happens only once. Remember that documentation of bullying is sufficient evidence. Therefore, it’s admissible in court.
You have a God-given right to be free from harm. Don’t hesitate to assert that right!
3. the signs of Coercive control also include Isolating the victim.
When controlling abusers isolate you, they do it deliberately. They do it to cut you off from any support you may otherwise receive from others.
For instance, abusive spouses will stop their partners from talking to their family and friends. They will talk trash about the other people who love the partner.
Also, they will guilt-trip them for spending time with family and friends. Abusers will also claim that your family members and close friends don’t really love you. This is how they plant seeds of doubt in your mind.
Moreover, bullies will use smear campaigns to turn your friends against you. They will also do everything they can to prevent you from making any new friends.
Even worse, they will go as far as to try to turn your family members against you, too.
Again, they do this on purpose because their goal is to isolate the victim from support networks. This way, they can better keep their victim under their control.
This is why you must stand firmly against this kind of abuse if it happens to you. And if you can’t stand against it, document everything, then leave the environment. Leave the company or the town if you must. But, get away fast!
Next, consult an attorney if you can afford it. Lastly, file suit against them if you have sufficient evidence to do so.
4. They watch you closely.
Bullies and abusers will watch you like a hawk! Abusive partners, school bullies, and workplace harassers will stalk you online. And they’ll go through your social media profiles.
They do this to see if they can find dirt on you to spread around.
Abusive partners will scroll through your phone to see if you are cheating or talking to potential mates. They will also text you to check up on you.
They will ask where you are, who you’re with, and when you’re coming home. Also, they will drive by your house to see whose car is in your driveway.
Moreover, they will also try to find out who your visitors are. School and workplace bullies will also watch your house to find out the same things.
These kinds of people will even go through your trash. And they do this AFTER they follow you home.
And they usually do this while your garbage can is sitting on the edge of the street waiting for the next day’s garbage pick-up.
If possible, set up a home security system. Purchase a dash cam for your vehicle. Record these nosy nut-bags. Remember, stalking and invasion of privacy are illegal, and you can press charges. You can also sue the pants off them.
However, you must first gather your evidence and enough of it.
5. coercive control can also come in the form of cutting off any financial support the victim may receive.
This form of coercive control happens mostly in relationships between romantic partners. And when it does, the abuser often prevents you from going to work or getting a job.
Bullying partners do this so you’ll depend solely on them for financial support. Thus, making it more difficult to walk out on them and compelling the victim to stay in the abusive relationship.
Moreover, abusive partners may withhold money from you to punish you for a perceived slight. In this, they cause you to go without food, shelter, or clothing as a punishment.
This keeps you in line and gives the abuser continued control.
financial control doesn’t only happen in romantic and spousal relationships.
This may happen mostly in relationships. But school and workplace bullies can also exert this kind of control. For instance, school bullies will take your lunch money.
They may also coerce you to hand over the money they brought for school pictures and yearbooks. Realize that this is also a form of financial control.
Workplace bullies may cause the company to demote you, which usually comes with a huge pay cut. They may also deliberately get you terminated.
Also, workplace bullies will try to prevent you from getting a job somewhere else. Thus, they prevent you from supporting yourself or feeding your family.
Understand that this is also a form of financial control. Why? Because it cuts you and your family off from any financial support.
I know a few people who have endured this. And it took a long battle for them to overcome it and finally regain financial stability.
In conclusion
It may be difficult. However, it’s better to leave the relationship before it gets this bad. Also, document. I can’t repeat this enough! Documenting is crucial!
Also, you must document every instance of workplace bullying. Then, leave the toxic workplace before your bullies have a chance to get you fired.
You’ll know the signs early on if you pay attention.
This post was all about the top signs of coercive control to help you to know when it’s time to plan your escape and get out from under it.
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1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground