11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power

July 14, 2026July 30, 2026Leave a comment

There are 11 sneaky ways bullies take power. Know what they are? Here’s everything you need to know.

Photo from Dreamstime

Bullies have ways of disarming those in power. Ever wondered how? In this post, you will learn the 11 sneaky ways bullies take power so that you can build your own strategy and protect yourself.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be better able to protect yourself from charismatic bullies who use their charm to make you look like the aggressor.

This post is all about the 11 sneaky ways bullies take power so that you won’t be confused when you see it happen. Instead, you’ll recognize the pattern as it occurs.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power

Bullies are sneaky little devils, aren’t they? They have ways of making others, especially those who are “important,” like them. As a result, they collect promotions, scholarships, and other trophies that move them upward and give them more power.

Here’s how they do it.

1. They suck up to authority.

This is how many bullies get promoted at work. Also, it’s how many curry favors with teachers at school. They implement strategies to ingratiate themselves with people in power.

If nothing else, understand this. Reputation is protection.

a. They act one way in front of some people and another in front of others.

Most bullies aren’t openly aggressive. They do their dirt in private. Bullies often act respectfully in front of teachers or managers. Then they behave badly when they aren’t around.

But understand this is a part of their strategy. And it’s to create a good guy image, just in case you get fed up with their abuse and report them.

You see? If you can score brownie points with the right people, then you can get away with almost anything. Kiss the right asses, and you reap lots of rewards.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

b. They become assistants to authority.

For instance, a school bully may offer to help a teacher carry their books and teaching supplies out to their car.

A workplace bully may offer to stay over and help the boss complete a task. They do this to appear cooperative and helpful. They also do it to look confident and socially intelligent.

School bullies may become the teacher’s helper to appear more mature than their age.

But make no mistake. There’s a main reason they do this. You see? This is a preemptive strategy. How?

Bullies will gain favor from teachers and bosses, just in case you report them. And when you do, then authority is more likely to come back with, “Well, that doesn’t sound like them.”

Therefore, because the bully has already built a “good guy” identity, it creates cognitive dissonance in members of authority. And it makes them least likely to believe a word you say.

Put another way, if authority figures see the bully as charismatic and mature, then any accusations against them are harder to believe.

And you end up looking unstable, dramatic, or vindictive. Or, they may label you as “too sensitive” or “too emotional.”

This is what bullies count on.

11. Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

2. They figure out what authority wants.

Seasoned bullies study authority figures carefully. They notice what gets praise, what makes authority feel respected, and what they like to hear.

Therefore, they figure out what behaviors the authority rewards. Once bullies know these things, they mirror the behavior authority expects.

For instance, bullies may flatter the boss. And why not? With people in power, especially those who are full of themselves, flattery gets you everywhere.

They may help the teacher while others watch them. They may act responsibly in public. Or, they might agree with the manager’s opinion on things.

This creates trust. And with trust comes preferential treatment.

3. They Act Nice to Everyone else but abusive to you.

When bullies use this tactic, you may see one version of the bully. But everyone else sees an entirely different one. Put simply, they may be Dr. Jekyll to everyone else, but Hyde to you.

Understand that this is a preemptive strategy. There are four reasons bullies do this.

To single you out and make you feel completely alone.
They also do it to make you feel like the defective one.
To get on everyone else’s good side in case you speak out about their abuse.
To silence you.

Bullies know that if they abuse you long enough, you’ll eventually get tired of it. Then you’ll likely report them or tell someone else about how they’re treating you.

And because others have only seen the bully’s good side, they’ll find it hard to believe. Moreover, they may label you as mentally unstable. Or, they might think that you’re jealous of the bully.

Therefore, they may blame you while the bully gets off scot-free. And once that happens, you’ll be too afraid to speak out. Therefore, it will be much safer to stay silent.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

4. They lie convincingly.

Bullies are wordsmiths. So, when they lie, they sound convincing. Moreover, they may take things out of context to make you look bad.

Or, they may twist situations to fit their narrative. However, others will lap it up like thirsty dogs.

5. They Act one way in public and another in private.

They bully you when no one else is around. Or, they may bully you openly, but only after they’ve destroyed your reputation.

Once your reputation is trashed, people will think that you deserve the abuse. Therefore, they won’t intervene.

Bullies may also use subtle bullying tactics that others won’t notice. But they’ll make damn sure you get the point loud and clear.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

6. They use plausible deniability as a shield.

Well-practiced bullies tend to avoid obvious abuse. Instead, they disguise it as joking. They may also use sarcasm and backhanded compliments.

Many sophisticated bullies use silent tactics, such as exclusion. That way, if you confront them, they can say,

“It was just a joke.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“I don’t remember saying that.”
“You misunderstood what I was trying to say.”
“You take things the wrong way.”

And because their behavior is confusing, as it is meant to be, others hesitate to take it seriously. And they label you as unhinged.

7. They Preemptively shape the narrative.

Bullies quietly attack your credibility before any visible conflict happens. In other words, they sneakily discredit you to prepare for later conflict.

They may tell others that you’re difficult. Or they may say that you’re a drama queen. For example, they may say, “Bless her heart, she takes things so personally.”

Or the bully may ask, “Why is he so upset all the time?” But make no mistake. This is all by design. Your bully is making you out to be a bad person before they attack you, and you report them.

And when you do report them, the authority figure will already have a distorted mental picture of you.

“Well, maybe the problem is YOU.”

Therefore, the bully will have that extra layer of protection that shields them from any accountability.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

8. They Surround themselves with supporters and admirers.

Bullies may surround themselves with people who laugh at their jokes and socialize with them. Some may even admire and adore them.

These followers may also defend them when you confront them for their behavior. But you must see it for what it is.

This is how bullies create social proof. Think about it. If everyone likes them, people in authority may assume that they are a good person. It’s natural for humans to trust group opinions.

9. They play the victim.

Bullies don’t mind dishing out the nastiness. However, when you start giving it back to them, they’ll play the victim role really quickly. In fact, they’re the biggest crybabies in the world!

They’ll quickly turn on the waterworks. They’ll cry those crocodile tears and play the victim. Unfortunately, they’ll do it so convincingly that others may fall for their bullshit.

Or, they may get angry at you for defending yourself. Why? Because, in their minds, you’re inferior. So, you should just shut your mouth and take it.

For instance, if you hold them accountable for anything, your bullies will bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler. If you stand up to them, they may run to a teacher or boss-man and cry like a little bitch.

They might throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Also, they may do something to get back at you. Understand that cry-bullies must always get their way. This is why they get furious with you and throw a fit.

Then, they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

10. They sow discord among you and others.

Bullies will often instigate fights between you and others. For instance, they may lie and tell someone else that you’re talking about them behind their back.

Then, when that person confronts you, it catches you off guard. They’re lashing out over something you know nothing about.

And you’re likely to push back at them in self-defense. Or, you may apologize profusely. Not because you’re guilty, but to get the person off your back.

Therefore, the bully has created enmity between you and another person.

As a result, this only further discredits you as a person.

11. They launch smear campaigns.

Smear campaigns are the most effective at tarnishing someone’s reputation. Bullies do this by spreading rumors and gossip.

And if they’re charismatic bullies, others will likely believe them. Who’s going to help you when you have a bad reputation? It doesn’t matter whether the reputation is deserved or not.

BONUS:

12. They Take Advantage of Human Biases.

People in authority are human just like the rest of us. They can be impressed by charisma. Those in power also admire confidence and humor. They like physical attractiveness. And they prefer shared interests.

Bullies are experts at human nature. So, they instinctively know this.

For example, if the bully is a high academic achiever or a student athlete, they’ll get better treatment than a quiet, obscure victim. Therefore, they’ll get the benefit of the doubt if you report them for bullying you.

11 Sneaky Ways Bullies Take Power:

In Conclusion

Bullies collect power in ways few realize. Let’s do a quick recap before we close. Here’s what bullies do to take power.

Suck up to authority.
Figure out what the authority wants.
Act nice to everyone else, but are abusive to you.
Lie convincingly.
Act one way in public and another in private.
Use plausible deniability as a shield.
Preemptively shape the narrative.
Surround themselves with supporters and admirers.
Play the victim.
Sow discord among you and others.
Launch smear campaigns
Take advantage of human biases.

Now that you know these tactics, you can better protect yourself from becoming a victim.

This post was all about the 11 sneaky ways bullies take power so that you can recognize this pattern and come up with strategies to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Techniques: 5 Top Sneakiest Tactics

2. Over Apologizing Trauma Response: 9 Easy Ways to Overcome It

3. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

4. How to Defend Yourself from Bullies: 5 Powerful Strategies

Signs of a Bully: 15 Red Flags You Need to be Aware of

July 7, 2026July 30, 2026Leave a comment

Want to know the signs of a bully? Here are all the red flags you need to know about.

Photo from Dreamstime

To keep from becoming a target of bullying, it pays to know how to spot a bully in a crowded room. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the signs of a bully so that you can know who to avoid.

Once you discover all these crucial red flags, you will be better able to bully-proof yourself. Moreover, you will be ready the next time a bully eyes you as a potential victim.

This post will give you all the signs of a bully so that you can spot bullies before they have a chance to spot you.

Signs of a Bully

There are many ways you can spot a bully if you know what to watch for. Here are all the red flags you need to be aware of.

1. Dominant Body Language

Bullies are notorious for expressing dominant body language. For example, bullies take up space. – They may stand with their feet apart and hands on their hips.

Or they’ll sit on a flight of stairs. And they’ll do it with their legs spread apart to force others to walk around them. Bullies may even lean back with their hands clasped behind their heads.

We’ll talk more about this in the next sections.

2. Invades Personal Space

If you are a victim of bullying, bullies will get in your face or stand too close behind you. Sometimes, they will stand so close that their bodies are touching yours.

They may tower over you while you’re sitting down. Again, bullies will purposefully crowd you, and there are reasons they do this. One of which is to intimidate you. Or, they may do it to challenge you.

Bullies are notorious space invaders. They make a point of getting too close. However, you don’t have to put up with it.

Signs of a Bully:

3. Invades territory

A bully may sit in your chair or lean on your car. Also, they may prop their feet on your desk. Understand what they’re doing when they do this.

They’re signaling ownership. Therefore, tell them to get their feet off your desk. If they lean on your car, you can tell them to stop it. If they sit in your chair, say, “You need to get out of my chair.”

Know that you don’t have to put up with it. So, set boundaries.

4. Dirty Looks

Mean-mugging, death glares, whatever you want to call it, it’s that unwavering stare some people give you. This is a hallmark of bullying behavior.

So, how do you respond to someone whose eyes seem to jump out at you? One thing to avoid is looking away, as this conveys fear.

You return the expression. In other words, you give them your own dirty look. The reason you mirror their stare is to show them you’re not scared of them.

Signs of a Bully:

5. Takes up Space

Bullies try to appear bigger. They may stand with their feet apart and hands on their hips. When they do this, they signal authority.

They may also sit with their arms spread wide and legs apart. Or they may lean back in their chair with their hands clasped behind their head. This conveys confidence.

Moreover, bullies may also try to look taller. They may stand over you while you sit. And they may step up on a stair or any platform to tower over you.

The way you handle this is by staying confident.

6. Showing off

Bullies love attention. They may show off their talents. Or they might become loud and obnoxious. You protect yourself by being aware.

7. Hostile Body Language

When bullies show this kind of body language, they do it to instill fear. For example, a bully may stand too close to you.

Here are other examples of hostility.

Getting in your face.

They may get right in your face when talking to you. In fact, they may get nose-to-nose with you. When this happens, they’re invading your personal space. And the reason they do this is to dare you to do something.

Therefore, tell them firmly to get out of your face. Or, you can haul off and punch their lights out.

Signs of a Bully:

Giving you a death glare.

Bullies may lock eyes with you and give you a hard stare. And the stare will be prolonged. Moreover, the eyes will be narrow, and the brow will be furrowed.

As mentioned earlier, they do this to make you afraid. Or, they may do it to challenge you. The best thing to do is to give it back to them.

Smirking or sneering.

Bullies may smirk at you when you’re pissed. Or they may sneer at you with one corner of their lips turned upward.

Again, give it back to them.

Other hostile body language signals.

Other things they may do include puffing out their chests to look bigger. Or they may square their shoulders to prepare for a fight. Moreover, bullies may point their fingers at you. Or they might clench their fists.

They may crack their knuckles or pound their fist into the palm of their opposite hand.

Signs of a Bully:

8. Provokes verbal or physical fights with those who have less power

You may see them toy with those who have less power.

For instance, you’re in the school lunch line, and you see a bigger boy starting a fight with a smaller one. Avoid this person. But don’t back down if he targets you next.

9. Stands in the center of the room

Again, bullies crave attention. Therefore, they’ll stand in the center of the room so everyone notices them. They may also have groupies standing behind them.

And you’ll likely see them showing off. The best thing to do here is to take note.

10. Cliquey (Has friends who bully)

Bullies usually run in packs. They are surrounded by buddies who only hang with them for social status. Also, these types will usually catch you when you’re alone.

Moreover, they’ll exclude anyone they consider inferior.

If you see them bully someone else, they’ll likely try to target you too. So, avoid these people. But don’t back down if they try anything with you. There are ways you can stand up to a group.

Signs of a Bully:

11. Plays the Victim

Bullies are experts at faking victimhood when they’re about to get into trouble. This is why victims usually end up taking the blame when they report bullying.

For instance, if you see someone telling on a bully, the bully will explain away their behavior. They might say, “Well, if Jackie hadn’t called me a creep, I wouldn’t have hit her.”

Or, they might say, “He does things to annoy me, and I’m tired of it.” Bullies may even say things like, “She keeps messing with me.”

They’ll say anything to get off the hook. And, most of the time, it works.

12. Blames others for their problems

If bullies are having a tough time, they may take it out on you. Realize that bullies need a scapegoat. Therefore, they use you as a dumping ground for their frustrations.

And they do it to make themselves feel better. Understand that misery loves company. And sometimes, they need you to feel just as badly as they feel.

That way, they don’t feel like they’re the only ones living in misery.

Signs of a Bully:

13. Avoids Accountability

Bullies have a flair for avoiding accountability. So, how do they do it?

They do it by sucking up to authority figures. They also do it by rationalizing and explaining away their bad behavior.

Moreover, they may behave like good guys toward teachers or supervisors. Then they show their true colors when they’re around people with less power.

14. Sucks up to Authority

When you see someone constantly sucking up to teachers or bosses, they may be a bully. The reason they do this is to garner favor in case they get caught.

Make no mistake. Bullies know they’re bullies. Therefore, they have to think ahead. They build connections with those in power.

That way, they can use them as added protection if someone reports them. This is another reason why victims get blamed.

15. Makes Everything about image and APPEARANCE

Bullies like to dress in the latest fashions. Why? Because they need to look like they’re rolling in money. This is one of the ways they impress others.

Other things they may do are make fun of others who don’t dress as well as they do. For instance, they may spend down to their last penny on designer clothes. However, if you wear clothes from Walmart because you’re trying to save money, they’ll ridicule you for it.

Signs of a Bully:

In Conclusion

The signs of a bully are easy to spot if you pay close attention. Here’s a quick recap of what we just covered.

Dominant body language
Invades personal space
Invades territory
Dirty looks
Takes up space
Showing off
Hostile body language
Provokes verbal and physical fights with those who have less power
Stands in the center of the room
Cliquey (has friends who bully)
Plays the victim
Blames others for their problems
Avoids accountability
Sucks up to authority
Makes everything about image and appearance

If you see clusters of the following behaviors, you will spot a bully before they have a chance to spot you. And you can also use these red flags to spot fake friends. And you’ll be ready for them if they decide to target you next.

This post was all about the signs of a bully so that you can recognize them and be prepared.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

2. Enemies Are Better Than Frenemies: 5 Reasons Bullied Victims Must Beware Fake Friends

3. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

4. Personal Space Boundaries: What to Do When Bullies Cross Them

5. Invasion of Personal Space: 3 Ways to Respond to It

40 Characteristics of Bullies

June 30, 2026July 30, 2026Leave a comment

Would you like to know the 40 characteristics of bullies? You will find them all here.

Photos from Dreamstime

Bullies have characteristics that give them away. And if you watch closely, you can pick them out of a crowd before even talking to them.

In this post, you’ll learn the 40 characteristics of bullies so that you can spot them before they spot you.

Once you learn all these traits, you will be able to cluster them more efficiently and protect yourself before they have a chance to bully you.

This post is all about the 40 characteristics of bullies so that you can spot them and protect yourself.

40 Characteristics of Bullies

Bullies have many traits if you know what to look for. And knowing what they are can give you an advantage.

You can cluster them together and tell whether you’re looking at a bully. More importantly, you can avoid bullies before they get the chance to target you.

Here are all the traits.

1. They crave power.

Bullies need to dominate others. Therefore, they may boss people around. They may also try subtle insults to see how you react. Don’t ignore these things because they’re huge red flags.

2. Searching for Flaws.

Bullies may not have anything on you. However, they will hunt for anything, no matter how tiny the flaw. Then, when they find it, they will make a big deal of it.

Understand that bullies are always on the prowl for victims. To select targets, they need vulnerabilities they can exploit. And if they can’t find anything, they’ll invent something. So, expect them to go over you with a fine-toothed comb.

If you pay attention, you’ll notice them watching you closely but from afar. You’ll also notice the unfriendly expressions on their faces. They might even look at each other and point in your direction.

Therefore, be alert.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

3. Exploiting Vulnerabilities.

They will scan every word that comes out of your mouth for the slightest hint of sarcasm. Moreover, they may even watch for stupidity or slowness.

Understand that they’re looking for anything they can take offense to. They also search for things to pick apart and twist and use against you.

Bullies will look you up and down. They search your face for the slightest blemish.

They also scan your attire for the slightest stain or tear. They’ll also see if you’re wearing old hand-me-downs or the latest fashions.

Your mood, your moves, your voice, everything about you will be under scrutiny. And they wait with bated breath for anything they can use against you. Bullies may also have an ear cocked for any damaging information about you.

But, look at it this way:

If bullies have to search for imperfections, you’re not the issue. They are.

4. Barking orders.

When bullies order you around, they deny your equality and autonomy. Instead of respectfully asking for what they want, they make demands as if you’re their subordinate.

Proverbially, this is how bullies claim ownership of you. They don’t have to be bosses or authority figures to order you around.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

Here are some examples of orders and what you can say to counter them:

Bully: “Get (your ass) in here!”

You: “Screw you!”

Bully: “Come back here now!”

You: “Forget you!”

Bully: “Pick that up!”

You: “Up yours!”

Understand that no one has the right to give you orders other than your boss, teachers, or parents. And if a classmate or coworker steps over that line, it’s as simple as saying, “I don’t take orders.”

5. Bring up your past.

Have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? Maybe they mention a police record of vandalism when you were seventeen.

During college, you may have gotten shit-face drunk at a frat party. And you performed a table dance while stripping down to your underwear.

Whatever the faux pas might have been, bullies love throwing it in your face.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

6. Putting you down to feel better about themselves.

Instead of putting in the work to improve, they tear you down to look bigger and better. Bullies never build up; they tear down. They do not create or restore; they destroy. And they don’t add to anything, only subtract from it.

Understand that bullies are losers, and they cannot survive in a meritocracy. They have no redeeming qualities. So, they use the only power they have left.

Their last resort is to make a last-ditch effort to preserve their fragile egos.

They select a target and say something mean and hurtful. If that person is you, you’re naturally shocked at first, and you feel off balance.

Next, the shock wears off, and you begin feeling the pain in your heart.

It’ll be hard at first. But make a conscious effort not to value a bully’s opinions. Understand that you have no control over other people’s actions, behaviors, or opinions.

If they have a problem with you, it’s their problem, not yours.

7. Acting Superior and entitled.

Bullies will act superior and entitled. And they signal superiority by looking down on you. However, they do this to bring you down and make themselves feel more powerful. And a sense of entitlement comes with it.

Many of them act this way to conceal their own jealousy and insecurity. And sadly, it works because too many bullying victims give too much value to bullies’ opinions.

You owe it to yourself to learn and see what’s behind the mask of superiority. Open your eyes and see through the facades they put up.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

8. Gaslighting.

Bullies are notorious for gaslighting. So, what do bullies do when they gaslight you? And what is the definition of gaslight?

Gaslight: to psychologically manipulate someone into doubting their own perception of reality.

Put simply, when you call out their abuse, bullies will take offense to your response to their behavior. And they will make the following statements:

“That didn’t happen.”
“You brought it all on yourself.”
“You’re too sensitive.”

Don’t believe it! See this for what it is. Your bullies know they’re busted. So, they’re trying to turn it back on you and make you look unstable.

9. Refusing to acknowledge your boundaries.

Bullies will violate your boundaries. They won’t take no for an answer. When you tell them to stop, they just keep going. Moreover, they invade your personal space.

This is a classic sign of bullies. Therefore, when you see them do it to someone else, they’ll do the same to you sooner or later.

10. Leaving you emotionally exhausted after You encounter them.

Bullies are negative people. They seem to take the oxygen out of every room they walk into. And they zap your energy because they like to ride roughshod over someone.

Therefore, when you see them doing this to someone, keep your eyes peeled. And avoid them like the plague.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

11. Laying Guilt TRiPS.

Bullies will pile on the guilt trips when you don’t give them what they want. And if you “dare” to stand up to them, they’ll become offended and angry. Then, they will try to make you believe you are the bad guy.

They may accuse you of being selfish, stingy, and so on. Whatever they lay on you, they make you feel rotten.

Bullies may also try to make you feel obligated. They may refer to something they did for you and imply that you owe them.

For example, a partner asks a girl for sex. She tells them she’s not ready to take that step yet. And the partner says, “I just took you out to a five-course dinner and treated you to a great movie…” Blah-b-blah.

They’re trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do by making you feel like a heel. Don’t fall for it.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

12. They Never apologize for their abuse.

This is another classic trait of bullies. When you call them out on their behavior, they don’t apologize. Instead, they only double down.

Therefore, when you see them do this to someone else, you probably have a bully in your midst.

13. They get offended easily.

Bullies get overly defensive. In fact, they don’t mind dishing it out. But when you bite back, they get butt-hurt. In fact, they can be the biggest crybabies in the world.

The house cats always want a piece of the barn cat… until they get a piece of the barn cat.

So, don’t let their “offense” shake you.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

14. Rattling You.

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle you. It’s how they mess with your mind. For example, if you’re a kid being bullied at school, here’s what your bullies might do.

Deliberately knock over your drink and spill it
Pluck a piece of food from your plate and pop it into their mouth at lunch.
Kick your books, backpack, or purse with their foot
Fling your hair back
Flick your nose with one finger
Give you a non-friendly slap on the back
Shoulder-check you as they walk past you in the hall or parking lot
Knock your hat or cap off.

Workplace bullies may also knock your files off your desk. This doesn’t happen often, but it isn’t unheard of.

Understand that bullies use these tactics to provoke a reaction. They may even be looking for a fight. Why else would they invade your space or territory?

15. They Get Jealous easily.

Bullies are highly competitive. They like to be on top and stay there. Therefore, they despise competition.

Bullies can’t handle being outdone by anyone. But that doubles if it’s someone they deem inferior.

For example, you’re a target of bullying, and you make all A’s. Maybe you win an award. Your bullies will become angry and bully you worse.

They might make the following statements:

“You think you’re so smart!”
“You think you’re better than us!”

Make no mistake. Those kinds of accusations scream jealousy.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

16. They give backhanded compliments.

In other words, they hide their insults under the veil of praise. Let’s say you make a big accomplishment.

Bullies might say, “You did better than I expected,” or “I never thought you’d be smart enough to pull that off.”

17. Delivering digs and zingers.

In other words, they make subtle wisecracks and insults. This kind of bullying is one of the most cowardly forms. Why? Because it’s passive-aggressive.

When these types of bullies insult you, they’re slick about it. These types of bullies don’t have the guts to make a direct attack. So, they say stuff to catch you off guard.

They taunt you in such a way that you may have difficulty figuring out who it’s aimed at. In fact, you won’t even know it’s directed at you until it’s too late for you to deliver a good comeback.

Why? Because the bully may not necessarily address it to you. Instead, they’ll tell it to everyone else around you… right in front of you. However, they’ll do it in a way that leaves you in doubt. You will question yourself.

But the bystanders nearby will immediately know who the covert nastiness is meant for. Passive-aggressive attacks include sarcasm, zingers, digs, and sneak dissing.

18. Sneak Dissing.

This is the new name for digs and zingers. Again, it’s the kind of attack where the bully talks about you without naming you.

And they usually do it where you can hear. But, at the same time, they hope it flies right over your head or that you won’t have the guts to clap back. The reason bullies do this is to avoid a direct conflict with you.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

19. Intimidation tactics.

Bullying feeds on fear. Therefore, bullies will try to scare you into submission. For instance, they may get in your face like they’re going to attack you. Or they may tell you they’re going to kick your butt if you don’t do xyz.

They may tower over you from behind. But whatever they do, they use scare tactics to get you to exert control over you. And they usually do it through their body language.

20. Innuendos.

Innuendo is an insinuation that people use to threaten or insult you and still have plausible deniability. Most bullies like to use the indirect approach just in case you have the balls to confront them.

Then they can claim that “it was just a joke” or that they “didn’t mean it that way. Examples of innuendo include backhanded compliments. For example, “Wow! You actually finished that in time!”

They also question your competence (“Do you need help with that? It seems you’re having difficulty.”)

21. Ambiguous statements.

For example, bullies may exclude you from something. But when you ask about it, they may claim, “I thought you knew about it. I told everyone else.”

Or, if everyone is talking about you behind your back, one of them may come to you and say, “I just want to let you know that what everyone is saying, I think it’s unfair.”

But understand that by saying this, the bully is spreading gossip but pretending to be a friend.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

22. Shifting Blame.

Bullies will abuse you, then blame you for their behavior if you speak up. For instance, they may tell you, “You brought it on yourself.”

Or, they might tell you, “If you hadn’t said so-and-so, he wouldn’t have slapped you.” Whatever the situation, they’re trying to justify the behavior by making it look like you provoked it.

“Nobody bullied you; they were just reacting to something you did.”

23. Talking behind your back.

Bullies are cowards. And many only pretend to be your friends. Most of them won’t tell you to your face what they think of you. They’ll smile and give you a pat on the back.

However, once you walk away, they’ll begin talking badly about you behind your back.

24. Death Glares.

These bullies let their eyes do the talking for them. They’ll stand across the room from you and give you dirty looks. But this is a cowardly way of getting their point across.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

25. stalking you.

Many bullies will follow you around or drive by your house. They might even “accidentally” run into you at the supermarket. They don’t get close enough to be obvious.

However, they’re just close enough to observe you and the people you associate with. Bullies stalk you to gather information they can use against you later.

26. Watching you Closely.

Some bullies don’t stalk. They just watch you like a hawk. They do this for the same reasons mentioned in number twenty-five. To gather information they can weaponize later.

27. Invading your privacy.

Privacy is a shield. It is also a form of power. By having a life your bullies don’t know about, you have a fortress they can’t penetrate.

Therefore, they invade your privacy in an attempt to tear down that wall of protection. For example, they may plunder through your belongings. Or they may peek in your bathroom window and watch you bathe.

However they do it, they don’t do it out of concern. It’s to gather information they can use to embarrass you.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

28. Daring You.

For example, a bully may stand with feet apart and arms wide, forming a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

29. Deliberate sudden movements.

For instance, the bully may back away from you and act like he is going to punch you, then stop himself and laugh.

They may also lunge at you, then stop themselves. These tactics are the favorite of bullies. Understand that bullies make these deliberate moves to cause you to flinch.

They then stand back and laugh. Then, they claim that this normal reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

30. Mock physical attacks.

For example, bullies may begin dancing around the room and shadowboxing. By doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

31. Gotcha Questions.

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha questions, but so are bullies. What is a gotcha question, you may ask?

Gotcha questions are those that put you in a bad light, no matter how you respond. They can do damage even if you don’t respond to them at all.

Therefore, these are the types of questions bullies will ask you in public, just to humiliate you. In fact, these kinds of questions are best asked in front of an audience.

Gotcha questions are forms of entrapment. Why? Because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

Here are a few examples of gotcha questions:

“Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this, the bully is accusing Tabitha of having alcoholism without directly doing so. It’s a slick way for them to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still drinking. And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information.

It implies that the one asking knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

32. Selective outrage.

Selective outrage is a form of psychological and behavioral control. It is biased anger. Also, it is hypocrisy. Why? Because it holds a select few to a double standard.

In other words, those in power use it to praise one person or group and punish another for the same behavior. The behavior doesn’t matter; it’s who’s doing it.

33. Impulsive behavior.

Bullies tend to act without thinking. Why? Because they’re easily triggered. In this case, the aggression isn’t planned. They overreact to perceived slights.

And, when they do, they show a complete lack of emotional control.

For example, bullies may explode in angry outbursts. Or they may physically attack someone without considering the consequences.

34. Low tolerance of frustration.

Bullies don’t handle disappointments well. When they get frustrated, they tend to take it out on you. They blame you for any inconvenience they face. And it was probably something you had no control over.

And they will often attack you for it. They react with disproportionate anger because they view minor obstacles as personal attacks.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

35. Ignores Rules.

Bullies think they’re superior. Therefore, they believe that rules don’t apply to them. “Rules for thee but not for me.”

36. STIRRING conflict instead of resolving it.

Bullies don’t solve problems; they create them. Many of them use drama to control social orders. And they do it even if they have to manufacture the issues.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

37. Uses charm to deceive others.

Bullies use deceptive charm to impress teachers and supervisors. They’re convincing liars. Moreover, they’re experts at kissing ass. And, if you report bullying, this is often why authority figures side with them and blame you.

Moreover, because the bullies have curried favor with bosses or teachers, they may cover up their behavior.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

38. They take up space.

You will often spot bullies standing in the center of a room. They’ll be standing with their feet shoulder-width apart and arms akimbo. They do this to look bigger.

Bullies also like to sit on the stairs or walk in the middle of the hall. These are power plays to subtly force people to move around them.

39. Rigid thinking.

They despise change. Moreover, they don’t like anything or anyone different.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

40. Sabotage.

Bullies are saboteurs. Ways they sabotage you include social tactics like character assassination and smear campaigns.

They also come between you and your plans for the future. For instance, they may try to discourage you from pursuing your dreams by ridiculing you. If you’re studying to become a doctor, they may laugh and tell you that you aren’t smart enough.

Bullies will also sabotage you at work by derailing a project or taking credit for your ideas.

BONUS:

41. Overly-Aggressive.

Aggression comes in many forms. Some bullies use physical aggression to get what they want. Others use psychological aggression.

But whatever kind they use, they go overboard to intimidate you into submitting to their every whim.

40 Characteristics of Bullies:

In conclusion

You can spot them by their attitudes and their behavior. Their body language conveys dominance.

The tactics bullies use are dead giveaways. And if you see them act this way toward anyone else, they may do it to you sooner or later.

Bullies often have large clusters of these behaviors and tactics. Therefore, spotting them is easier than you think. You just have to pay attention.

This post was all about the 40 Characteristics of Bullies so that you can spot them before they have a chance to target you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Bullying Characteristics: 10 Bullying Behaviors to Be Aware of

3. The Perfect Victim: 9 Traits Bullies Look for in Potential Targets

4. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

5. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

Zero-Tolerance Policies: 7 Ways They Fail Victims of Bullying

June 20, 2026July 30, 2026Leave a comment

Want to know the downside to zero-tolerance policies in schools? Here’s everything you need to know.

Photo from Dreamstime

All institutions have zero-tolerance policies. Workplaces and schools have had them for decades. But do they help victims or hurt them?

In this post, you will learn all about zero-tolerance policies and how they fail victims, so that you’ll know the truth about them.

Once you learn all about these harsh realities, you will be better able to plan your strategy if a bully comes for you.

This post is all about zero-tolerance policies, so that you’ll know both the pros and cons. Also, you’ll know not to rely too much on them when a bully attacks you.

Zero-Tolerance Policies

These policies may look good on paper. But, in practice, they’re damaging to victims of bullying. Here’s how.

1. They don’t consider The context.

For example, a girl comes up and pushes you on the playground. You push her back to make her stop. Under zero-tolerance policies, you are not allowed to shove the girl. It doesn’t matter if she pushed you first.

Therefore, you get in trouble just like she does. These kinds of policies don’t harm bullies. Why? Because most bullies don’t care whether they get into trouble.

However, they hurt victims because they’re often the good kids who normally follow the rules. All these children want is to learn in peace.

Zero-Tolerance Policies:

2. They Punish Victims of Bullying for Self-Defense.

Self-defense isn’t only necessary; it’s your right. However, zero-tolerance policies deny you that right.

Moreover, they discourage you from defending yourself because you know that you’ll get the blame for it. You may get suspended or expelled from school when you finally defend yourself from a bully. It happens all the time.

After months or years of being mercilessly bullied, you grow tired of all the BS.

You’ve tried handling it through nonviolent means. However, bullies only take you for being a wuss. As a result, they only beat you more.

Finally, you can’t take any more. So, you get fed up and beat the living crap out of them.

Now, everyone’s surprised and outraged! Not at the bully who attacked you, but at you! But where was their outrage when the shoe was on the other foot?

Where was their outrage when you were the one getting pounded? Where was their humanity when you cried out for help?

These are the exact questions you should ask when others get angry with you for defending yourself. You have just as much right to be safe as anyone else does.

And you have the right to defend yourself anytime some creep tries to kick your butt.

3. They Punish Victims of Bullying too harshly.

When classmates are bullying you, you don’t need to be punished. You need help. But instead of getting help from a caring teacher. They suspend you and send you home.

This means that you get zeros for every day you’re out of school. Your grades take a big hit. All because you get blamed for a situation you didn’t ask for.

ZERO-TOLERANCE Policies:

4. Bullied kids become too afraid to tell adults.

If you know that telling on your bully will only get you in trouble, you’ll stay silent. So, why report bullying if it isn’t going to do any good?

When you tell a teacher, you already put yourself at risk. Your bully may bully you worse for “snitching.” However, when you risk getting into trouble with the school, too, then why bother?

You’re better off keeping your mouth shut.

5. They don’t consider the root cause.

Zero-tolerance is just that, zero tolerance. It doesn’t care who started it. It has no concern with whether you’re just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. No. The only thing that matters is that you hit the bully, too.

It takes two to tango, yes. But it only takes one to lead the dance.

6. They make bullies sneakier.

Under zero-tolerance policies, bullies learn quickly that they must bully covertly. Instead of physical attacks, bullies may use malicious gossip to get under your skin.

Or, they may deliberately provoke you to react so that you’ll be the one getting blamed. Most bullies are smart. They can figure out ways to use these strict rules against you.

They fool teachers and principals with their deceptive charm. And they tell lies so believable that it’s hard for the staff not to take them at face value.

And if the bully does well academically or is good at sports, all the worse! Therefore, it’s you who gets the shaft.

Zero-Tolerance Policies:

7. It breeds LAZIER staff.

With these kinds of rules, teachers and principals don’t have to try to find out who started the fight. They don’t have to consider whether you were defending yourself.

Therefore, they can throw the book at you without guilt.

How to Protect Yourself Against Bullies and Zero-Tolerance Policies

There are ways you can protect yourself from both bullying and zero-tolerance rules. Here’s a list of tactics below.

1. Put YOUR hand up and walk away.

If you see the bully coming and you know he’s going to punch you, put your hand up and walk away. It’s the best way to keep from being caught in that trap.

But what if the bully follows you? What if they chase you down? And what if they catch up with you and tackle you?

If this happens, all bets are off. Do what you have to do to defend yourself. If you have to hit, kick, and claw, do it! You tried to do the right thing. You tried to walk away, and the bully wouldn’t let you.

Therefore, screw their policies! Beat the living shit out of the bully. It’s the only way you’ll make them stop anyway. Fighting is a last resort, and this is it.

And, if you get into trouble, so be it. Your parents or guardians will back you up if they’re worth their salt.

Zero-Tolerance Policies:

2. Raise Your Voice and say, “Stop!” or “No!”

You can also say, “Don’t you do it!” or “Don’t you touch me!” But be sure to say it loud. Yell it if you have to.

The reason you want to do this is so that a teacher will hear you. Also, you want bystanders to hear you. If you alert them, they may be more inclined to help you when you need it.

3. immediately Walk toward a teacher or a friend.

When you do this, bullies will scram. Most bullies won’t do anything that might get them into trouble. Therefore, you protect yourself from an attack, even if only for that moment.

However, be aware. In these cases, bullies usually come back later. And they will usually catch you when you’re alone. So, continue to watch your back.

4. Make friends with other victims.

The last thing you need is to be isolated. Therefore, find others your bullies have attacked and make friends with them.

If your bullies have given them a hard time, they’ll likely back you up. Especially if you all form a group. Remember that bullies run in packs. And they like to catch you alone.

This is how they use their numbers to scare you. So, shouldn’t you do it too? Bullies are cowards. They won’t mess with you if you have a group of friends standing with you.

Zero-Tolerance Policies:

5. Use your friends as witnesses.

If your bullies attack you anyway, your friends will be great eyewitnesses. They can tell the principal what they saw so that you don’t take the blame.

This is another reason you should make friends with other victims.

6. document the bullying.

Keep a bullying journal and write down every incident in detail. You do this by using the 5W Rule. In other words, write down what happened. Also, jot down the bullies’ names and any nearby bystanders’ and teachers’ names.

Record the date and exact time of the bullying attack. Also include where it happened and why. Why? Because when you keep a journal, you soon record a pattern of bullying.

Moreover, teachers and school staff will likely believe you when you show them your journal. Even better, it’s admissible if you have to take it to court.

Zero-Tolerance Policies:

7. Tell a “Safe Adult” in private.

If you have a teacher you like and who likes you, get them in private. Then, tell them what’s going on before a fight happens.

And be sure to let them know that you’re trying to avoid fighting. Tell them that you’re trying to follow school rules, but you need help.

When you do it this way, the school will know you are trying to avoid a fight. And they’ll be more likely to help you. They’ll be less likely to punish you if the bully backs you into a corner.

Here’s a script you can use.

“Hi, (teacher’s name). Do you have a minute or two? Someone has been repeatedly bullying me, and it’s making it hard for me to focus on my schoolwork. I’m trying to be the bigger person and walk away, but they won’t let me. I’m afraid the bullying is only going to get worse. Can you help me figure out how to handle it so I don’t get in trouble?”

8. Save any online texts, messages, or posts.

If your bullies are bullying you online. Save everything they send you. Then show it to a school official.

In conclusion

Zero-tolerance policies hurt victims more than they help. Let’s do a recap of how.

They don’t consider the context.
They punish victims of bullying for self-defense.
Also, they punish victims too harshly.
Bullied kids become too afraid to tell adults.
They don’t consider the root cause.
They make bullies sneakier.
It breeds lazier staff.

Here’s how to protect yourself against bullying and zero-tolerance policies.

Put your hand up and walk away.
Raise your voice and say, “Stop!” or “No!”
Immediately walk toward a teacher or friend.
Make friends with other victims.
Use your friends as witnesses.
Document the bullying.
Tell a “safe adult” in private.
Save any online texts, messages, or posts.

You deserve to learn in peace. Therefore, know these facts, and you’ll protect yourself successfully.

This post was all about zero-tolerance policies and how they hurt more than help. It also gave you tips to protect yourself from bullying without getting into trouble so that you can have a smooth school experience.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do

2. How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal

3. Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

4. How to Stop Being Bullied: 14 Tips to Make Yourself Less of a Target

5. Bullying Techniques: 5 Top Sneakiest Tactics

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

May 13, 2026July 30, 20262 Comments

There are secrets bullies don’t want you to know. Do you know what they are? Here’s everything you need to know.

Photos from Canva

In this post, you will learn the secrets bullies don’t want you to know to have the knowledge you need to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these hidden truths, you will be better able to call these creeps out and protect your mental health from them.

This post is all about the secrets bullies don’t want you to know so that you can stop being a victim and live your life in peace.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Bullies hide many secrets. If those secrets ever got out, their whole world would collapse before their eyes. Therefore, here are all the secrets bullies will move heaven and earth to keep hidden.

1. Some Bullies are more scared of you than you are of them.

Bullies fear you might fight back. Why? Because if you do, you just might get the best of them. As a result, they’ll end up looking weak and being bullied themselves.

This is why they keep you afraid to fight back. However, realize that you should fight back. I’ve seen several bullies bully their victims to the point that the victim finally snapped.

As a result, the victim beat the living daylights out of them. Also, on some occasions, the victim whipped the bully in front of an audience.

Therefore, the bully never bothered them again, and the target finally won respect.

2. They’re insecure.

Bullies constantly worry about what others think of them. This is why they act the way they do. They want to seem perfect.

Why? Because they’re so afraid that if others find out about the real person, they won’t like them anymore.

Bullies want so badly to be liked that they will bully you in front of an audience to score laughs from everyone and get approval.

Therefore, call them out on it. I promise you’ll feel much better once you do.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

3. They crave approval.

Bullies want approval. More than that, they want others to admire and adore them. And if a bully doesn’t get approval, they feel inadequate.

So they bully in front of an audience to get the approval they feel they never get. You must realize that bullies are simps. And they simp in ways that aren’t so obvious.

However, understand that anyone who seeks approval is needy. Only pathetic losers do that.

Therefore, see it for what it is, and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Why? Because you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such behavior.

4. They’re posers

Bullies are constantly trying to look cool. They strain themselves to keep up appearances. They know that most people think that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t receiving it.

Therefore, many bullies bully to look cool to any bystanders and witnesses. And sadly, most bystanders are under the misguided belief that bullying is cool.

Moreover, they don masks to hide their true, pathetic selves. Bullies aren’t happy with themselves. So, they work hard to hide their flaws and put on a persona of perfection.

For instance, you may see one of your bullies wearing clothes from department stores like Nordstrom every day. But you may get lucky and notice him pull out a 20-dollar wallet from Walmart. That’s when you’ll figure out that he’s nothing but a poser.

So, find ways to use it against him. Then use it to your own advantage. I can think of several, and I’m sure you can too. Just knowing this will keep you out of the doldrums and view your bullies for the losers they are.

This should make you laugh because you know they’re not so cool after all.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

5. they fear exposure.

Bullies get by only on appearances. The fronts they put up are only illusions and mirages. Moreover, without the facades they work so hard to maintain, they have no leg to stand on.

For instance, magicians will never tell you how they make things disappear or pull rabbits out of hats. And they won’t tell you how they can do card tricks. The reason they don’t is that their tricks are only optical illusions.

And if you ever found out how they do it, it would blow their act, and people would lose interest. They’d go bankrupt.

It’s the same with bullies. Understand that their lives are filled with cracks that just might expose who they really are. Think of these cracks as smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again.

Bullies are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hot spots. They have to bust ass to make sure these hot spots don’t ignite.

Also, they must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Bullies realize that once their real personality seeps through, people will lose respect for them and they’ll lose power. And if they lose power, their mistreatment of others will come back to bite them in the ass… hard!

6. Their biggest fear is losing face.

Bullies only have power that you and others give them. Therefore, if they lose face, that power is gone. Usually, bullies lose face when victims stand up to them.

For instance, a bully hits you, and you punch them back. In fact, you beat the daylights out of them in front of everyone.

That embarrasses a bully. And the people who see it will realize that they aren’t as tough as they made themselves out to be.

Therefore, others quickly lose respect for them.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

7. If you stand up to them, others might follow.

Remember the movie, “A Bug’s Life?” In the film, the grasshoppers bullied the ants. Here’s a quote from the lead grasshopper that you might remember.

“You let one ant stand up to us, then they might all stand up. Those puny little ants outnumber us a hundred to one. And if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life.”

The head grasshopper said the quiet part out loud. He revealed every bully’s worst fear. If one victim stands up to me, it will encourage everyone to do the same. But most people still haven’t gotten wise to this yet.

8. Being a bully is hard WORK!

Believe it or not, bullies must work hard to keep up appearances. They’re good at maintaining their fake facades.

In other words, bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven.

They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. Moreover, they often spend beyond their means to appear wealthy.

Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft? Most have to steal to keep up!

Therefore, they’re constantly afraid of losing face if any of it ever gets out.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

9. They aren’t happy people.

They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others?

Bullies need a victim. They can’t be happy unless they’re bringing someone else down. The only thing that makes bullies happy is seeing you suffer.

Therefore, see this as a testament to how miserable they really are. They do it to feel better about themselves. Moreover, they do it to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities.

Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

Many bullies aren’t happy at home. They have stressful marriages and family lives. Or, if they’re in school, they have bad relationships with parents and siblings. Therefore, they feel powerless there.

However, at school or work, many bullies can control others to keep from feeling so powerless. So, keep your ears peeled and try to find out what their home life is like.

For example, if you’re in a bathroom stall and you hear your bullies enter the restroom. Draw your feet up and listen in on their conversation. You’d be surprised what you find out!

The trick is to find any good ammunition you can use to your advantage.

10. They’re weak.

Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. Ever wonder why they’re so loud, obnoxious, and pushy?

It’s because they don’t have the brains or social intelligence to get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must use force and intimidation. This is often the reason they use physical violence.

Why? Because it’s the only way they can get their wants and needs met. All this makes for a life of drama and conflict. So, smile about it.

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

11. Bullies are jealous of their victims.

Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. And they really flip out when someone they deem inferior accomplishes something big.

They’ll make it their mission to destroy you if you score more wins than them. And it’s the same whether you’re better-looking or more talented.

Understand that bullies despise anyone who has what they want but can’t get it. Therefore, they will try to take it from them. And if they can’t take it, they will punish the person for having it.

However, they would never admit that in a million years. Why? Because jealousy smacks of inferiority. And the last thing any bully wants is to look inferior.

So, feel good about the fact that your bullies are jealous of you. It only proves that you aren’t the inferior one here.

12. They Bully to compensate for their weaknesses and shortcomings.

If bullies can look strong by making you look weak, they can make up for their own weaknesses. Moreover, they can distract the negative spotlight away from themselves and onto you.

Therefore, they use you to hide their own imperfections.

Also, bullies will run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing. Moreover, they feel this makes up for anything they lack.

Let’s say that a male bully feels he isn’t man enough. He will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that most girls find him disgusting.

Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, cheap knock-off designer bags, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for not getting a date.

Who wants to date someone with a haughty attitude? This should give you a huge pick-me-up!

Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know:

13. They crave attention.

Bullies love attention, and they’ll do anything to get it, especially if they have narcissistic personality disorder.

Also, when a bully sees someone who outshines them, they fear that person will take the spotlight away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one.

They must be adored by everyone at all times. They feel they have to be at the center of everything, and the world should revolve around them.

In Conclusion

Bullies have secrets they don’t want exposed, and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those secrets from coming out. Therefore, use this information to boost your confidence!

But wait, there’s more! Bullies also have secrets for gaining power. Click here to learn more.

This post was all about the secrets bullies don’t want you to know so that you’ll realize that bullies are pathetic and get a huge confidence boost.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

3. Physical Bullies: 9 Secrets You Should Know

4. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of

5. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

Quotes About Bullies that Help You Feel Good About Yourself

May 8, 2026July 30, 20264 Comments

Are you enduring bullying by classmates, coworkers, neighbors, or even family? Here are 15 quotes about bullies you must read and remember.

Photo from Canva

Bullies can rip your confidence and self-esteem to pieces.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn quotes about bullies you can read to feel better about yourself.

Once you read these quotes, your self-esteem will get a boost, and you’ll feel more confident. Just know that you’re better off than your bullies ever will be.

This post will give you several quotes about bullies so you can feel better, knowing that their behavior is about them, not you.

Quotes about bullies

Bullying crushes your self-esteem and your spirit. But it doesn’t have to. I can’t stress this enough. If you are bullied, it’s not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.

Here are quotes on bullies and bullying that make you feel better once you read them.

1. “You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.”

– Jeffrey Benjamin –

Really think about this quote for a minute. Bullies can’t rise on their own. Therefore, they must make you feel bad to feel good about themselves.

‘You see? When bullies have a foot on your neck, they can’t go anywhere either. They’d have to move their foot first. So, when they try to hold you back, they end up holding themselves back too. It’s funny how that works.

Moreover, it’s up to you whether to let them drag you down. Don’t make it easy for them. Make them work at it and ensure that they fail.

You do this by continuing to be yourself. You also win by believing in yourself in spite of what they tell you. Moreover, you do it when you keep working on your goals and pursuing your dreams.

Quotes about Bullies:

2. “If people throw stones at you, pick them up and build something.”

– Lecrae –

This quote is so empowering. It’s one of my favorites! When you live by this, you turn pain into power. You also turn failure into fierceness.

For instance, if people bully you, you can learn many life lessons from it. Moreover, you can write books and teach others what you have learned to help them overcome bullying.

Or, you can write music to help people. You can also start an organization that helps other victims of bullying.

Whatever your shtick is, use it to help others who are struggling with bullying like you once did.

3. “Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.”

– Anonymous –

Bullies may think it does. And it might for the moment, but superficial rewards are always temporary. They wear off quickly. Then, the next thing you know, your bullies always come back for more.

True power comes from within. It comes from hard work. It also comes from your own personal accomplishments. Most bullies don’t know how to succeed at anything. Therefore, they bully you to make themselves look better than what they are.

Quote about Bullies:

4. “If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them.”

– Unknown –

This makes perfect sense. Why? Because if you’re already down, your bullies don’t have to work as hard to keep you there.

If you’re a victim of bullying, have you noticed that the moment you become confident, the bullying always gets worse? Even your so-called friends may dig at you. I say this because it happened to me years ago.

Your self-belief threatens them. Therefore, they must work twice as hard to bring you back down to their level.

So, don’t make it easy for them. Continue to make them work.

5. “You never look good trying to make someone else feel bad.”

– Unknown –

That’s the truth. If bullies are trying so hard to tear you down, it’s their issue, not yours. Think about it. They’re not happy people.

Only those who are miserable try to tear you down. Therefore, their behavior says everything about them.

And bystanders notice that. They just don’t admit it because they’re scared of becoming the next targets.

Quotes about Bullies:

6. “Ignore the people who are always talking behind your back. That’s where they belong, behind you.”

– Unknown –

These are some of the truest words ever written. Most people who talk behind your back are cowards.

They don’t have the guts to say it to your face. Why? Because they’re afraid you might tell them where they can stick it.

Only those who are insecure gossip and spread rumors. And the fact that you don’t have to resort to this kind of behavior means that you’re already ahead.

Take comfort in that.

7. “Loud is not strong and quiet is not weak.”

– Unknown –

Have you noticed that bullies love to pick on the quiet ones? And have you noticed that bullies are usually loud and obnoxious?

Bullies may pick on the silent ones because they think they’re weak. Sometimes that’s true. However, it goes much deeper.

The quiet ones intimidate bullies.

“Watch out for the quiet ones” isn’t just a saying. It rings true. Quiet people are unpredictable. And that scares bullies.

Therefore, they target them the most to get them to react. This is how bullies study you and predict what you’ll do next.

Quotes about Bullies:

People who are loud crave attention.

Here’s another thought. Those who are the loudest do it to show off. They want everyone to notice them. It’s quite pathetic when you really think about it.

Loud is boastful. Quiet is modest.

Bullies are desperate for approval. And they get admiration from only those who want to be like them.

Therefore, loudness only shows weakness. Silence, on the other hand, shows strength.

8. “Don’t listen if someone says you aren’t good enough.”

– Unknown –

This is great advice. It’s your responsibility not to let others make you feel bad. In other words, you don’t have to believe them. Therefore, you must reframe everything bullies tell you.

It’s not that you aren’t good enough for them. It’s that they aren’t good enough for you.

Quotes about Bullies:

9. “Courage is fire and bullying is smoke.”

– Benjamin Disraeli –

Mr. Disraeli is absolutely right. ‘You see? Bullies are cowards. Moreover, they’re impostors. They put on a huge front to impress others.

Bullies act tough. And they make it seem as if they have boatloads of money. They make themselves look invincible. However, if you look more closely, you’ll see through the facade.

A bully’s worst fear is exposure. Therefore, it’s up to you to make that fear come true.

True courage doesn’t bully; it stands up to bullying.

10. “Bullying is a horrible thing. It sticks with you forever. It poisons you. But only if you let it.”

– Heather Brewer –

This quote is another favorite of mine. And it’s one I believe in.

It’s your responsibility to protect your self-esteem from bullying. Never allow bullies to take away your confidence. Instead, reframe everything they tell you.

Bullies often project their own shortcomings onto you. They accuse you of the very things they do. Therefore, you must see through the behavior and call it out.

It’s the only way you’ll save your self-esteem.

Also, stand up to them. Never ignore them. Have a few comebacks ready for verbal bullies. And if a physical bully hits you, it’s okay to hit them back.

11. “Bullying is not a reflection of the victim’s character, but rather a sign of the bully’s lack of character.”

– Unknown –

Their behavior isn’t about you; it’s about them. Happy people don’t go around trying to make others’ lives miserable.

Misery loves company. And it’s the only reason bullies have victims. They need someone else to feel just as bad as they do. Therefore, it only highlights their own lack of character.

Quotes about Bullies:

12. “To be a friend of a bully so they won’t bully you too gives you a false friend who doesn’t value you or your friendship.”

– Ty Howard –

How true this is. Most bullies don’t have friends; they have followers. Bullies need their groupies to back them up and do their dirty work for them.

And once their followers have served their purpose, the bully quietly discards them.

Therefore, the next time a bully recruits others to mistreat you, know that they’re only tools. They’re being used to make the bully look well-liked.

13. “People who love themselves don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.”

– Dan Pearce –

Again, happy people don’t go around trying to make others’ lives miserable. They don’t have to. When someone is truly happy, they want to see others happy too.

14. “Life is a fight, but not everyone is a fighter. Otherwise, Bullies would be an endangered species.”

– Andrew Vachs –

So true! Remember that bullies select their victims very carefully. They only go after those they think won’t fight back. The favorite victims of bullies are those with low self-esteem.

If everyone fought back, bullies wouldn’t exist.

Quotes about Bullies:

15. “You’ll miss the best things in life if you allow a bully to scare and force you to hide and live inside yourself.”

– Ty Howard –

Believe it or not, bullies can discourage you from doing many things you’d like to do. For instance, if you love to sing, you might want to enter a talent show.

However, your bully has you convinced that you’ll lose. Moreover, you’re scared that people may boo you off the stage. So you decide not to risk it.

Life is full of risks. And if you don’t try, you’ll never know what the results will be. Many people let fear stand in their way. These are those who would otherwise find success.

So, let this quote encourage you to face your fear and do it anyway.

This post gave you quotes about bullies so that they may encourage you to take back your power and your freedom.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

2. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You

4. Who Are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

Responding in Kind: 7 Reasons to Do So with Bullies

April 28, 2026July 30, 20262 Comments

‘Want to know why responding in kind is important for your mental health? Here are all the reasons you need to know that it’s okay to respond in kind when someone crosses the line with you.

Photos from Canva

Responding in kind helps keep you safe from bullying by inspiring respect. Therefore, in this post, you will learn why responding in kind is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing fact, you will be compelled to treat yourself with respect by not allowing others to mistreat you.

This post is all about responding in kind and why it’s important, so that you can live a drama-free life.

Responding in Kind

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person.

Moreover, it shows that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also sends the message that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, educators, and certain members of our families. They’ve trained us that responding in kind only makes us as bad as our bullies and abusers.

And, sadly, we’re still being conditioned to believe that bull. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

Power and force are the only things bullies and abusers understand.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power. People-pleasing does not work. And anyone who gives off even a hint of weakness is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will take full advantage. Why? Because they will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse.

And they will think they can walk all over you anytime they want. Then, there will be no stopping them from escalating the bullying, and no limit to how far they go.

Responding in Kind:

Bullies Pay Attention to consequences.

You must set boundaries. And you set boundaries by imposing consequences on anyone who violates them.

But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond,” not “react.” By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground. Also, you signal that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

Society subtly programs us to take abuse.

No law says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet we’re being subtly told to accept it.

And we should take it with a smile, and a yes, sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s not how life works! And it isn’t how human nature works. Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must understand that the threat of consequences keeps the bad guys away.

Without accountability, there would be anarchy! Bullies would have free rein over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind. Moreover, never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself against predators. It’s also how you treat yourself well.

Here are all the reasons to respond in kind to bad people.

Responding in Kind:

1. You protect yourself from abuse.

Your protection is your responsibility. No one is coming to save you. Therefore, it is up to you to protect yourself from human predators. You can defend yourself from different kinds of abuse. Here are a couple of examples.

Exclusion.

Media and other talking heads preach against exclusion. However, people have been excluding others since the dawn of time. It’s a cruel part of human nature.

Moreover, most people try to force others to include them anytime they are excluded. This is the wrong thing to do. It’s counterproductive. Because the more you insert yourself, the more the group will push you out.

But really think about this for a minute. Do you really want anything to do with those who don’t want to be around you?

Instead of trying to force them to accept you, look at it another way. Those who exclude you are the trash that takes itself out.

Therefore, the best way to defend yourself from exclusion is to exclude them from your life as well. Two can play that game.

They don’t want to be around you? Then the feeling is mutual; you don’t want to be around them either. This is how you respond in kind.

Physical bullying.

You should never take physical abuse. No one has the right to put their hands on you. Therefore, it’s simple: they hit you first, and you hit them back.

Remember, bullies only respond to consequences. So, give them severe ones. Make them never want to make the mistake of hitting you again.

By doing these things, you protect yourself from abuse. Why? Because not only will the bullies leave you alone, but those who are around to see it will too.

Responding in Kind:

2. You preserve your self-esteem.

Nothing feels worse than having everyone walk over you and not having the guts to do anything about it. In fact, you feel weak and defeated. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

When you finally stand up to abuse, you will be amazed at how it boosts your self-esteem. The bullies may or may not change their behavior.

But you’ll feel better just knowing that you stopped taking their crap. Your confidence will soar! And people will think twice before messing with you again.

3. You encourage others to respect you and themselves.

When you stand up to bullies the right way, you earn respect. Moreover, not only will the bullies respect you, but the people watching will too.

But the best part is that you will learn to respect yourself. Why? Because once you stand up for yourself, you’re more likely to do it again until it becomes a habit.

And lastly, other victims just might follow your lead. They will begin defending themselves from bullies. Why? Because “if they can do it, I can too.”

Responding in Kind:

4. You keep drama out of your life.

There’s a reason that bullies only pick on certain people and not others. It’s because the others won’t take their crap, and they know it.

Therefore, when you respond in kind, especially in the early stages of bullying, you become harder to mess with. Bullies like easy targets. Don’t be one of them.

Bullies are all about drama. In fact, they thrive on it. Therefore, if you can keep them away, you avoid the drama that comes with them.

Then, you can live in peace.

5. You keep your dignity.

There’s no dignity in being a punching bag. In fact, if you let bullies bully you, everyone else will think they can do it too. It’s called the swarm effect.

When one bully messes with you, others will want to join in if you don’t put a stop to it. One bully will bully you, then two. The next thing you know, you’ll have four bullies on your tail. Then, eight, and so on.

And before you know it, everyone will want to get a piece of your ass. Bullying spreads like a virus. You would be surprised at how contagious it is.

Dignity comes with respect. Therefore, if no one respects you, there’s no dignity. So, stand up for yourself. Don’t take their shit. Whether or not you have dignity depends on how you teach people to treat you.

Responding in Kind:

6. You maintain control of your life.

When you’re being bullied, you don’t have control of your life; they do. Bullies get to control how you feel about yourself. Also, they can even control your physical well-being.

Don’t give them that kind of power over you. Instead, stand up to them. Let them know you won’t let them just walk all over you.

Know that you are not a dumping ground for others’ anger and other mental issues. Therefore, take back control of your life. Stand up to bullying. And have nothing to do with anyone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

7. You experience freedom.

When you don’t have to deal with bullies, you experience total freedom. You are free to be yourself. You’re free to live in peace. And you’re free from bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullying is all about control. And they can only control your life if you let them. Therefore, do what you must do to protect yourself from those leeches.

When you respond in kind, you take back your freedom. They may bully you worse for a time, but eventually, they’ll get tired if you keep standing up to them.

And once they do, you’ll have freedom to be yourself and live in peace.

In Conclusion

Responding in kind is a way to set and enforce your boundaries. It imposes consequences on creeps who step over the line. At the same time, it protects your self-esteem and keeps you safe from people who wish to abuse you.

You maintain control over your life because you teach people to respect your right to safety. In that, you keep your dignity, repel drama, and experience the freedom to live in peace and be happy. And you can do it without guilt or apology.

This post is all about responding in kind so that you can overcome bullying, take control of your life, and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

2. Types of People to Avoid to Protect Yourself from Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

5. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

6. Benefits of Setting Boundaries

Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

April 21, 2026July 30, 20262 Comments

Do you know the most common tactics bullies use? You will find them here so that you will recognize them if they happen to you.

Photo from Canva

There are many tactics bullies use. However, many of them aren’t as obvious as others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn more about the sneakier ones so that you can call them out and defend yourself from them.

Once you learn all these techniques, you will be able to protect yourself more easily and even overcome bullying altogether.

This post is all about the tactics bullies use, so you can name them and protect yourself.

Tactics Bullies Use

Although you may understand the context of what is happening, you may not know how to name it. So, let’s discuss.

1. Rattling You

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle you to intimidate you and throw you off balance. It’s how they mess with your mind. For example, if you’re a kid who is being bullied in school, here’s what your bullies may do to rattle you.

Deliberately knock over your drink and spill it
Pluck a piece of food from your plate and pop it into their mouth at lunch.
Kick your books, backpack, or purse with their foot
Fling your hair back
Flick your nose with one finger
Give you a non-friendly slap on the back
Shoulder-check you as they walk past you in the hall or parking lot
Knock your hat or cap off.

Workplace bullies may also knock your files off your desk. This doesn’t happen often, but it isn’t unheard of.

Understand that bullies use these tactics to provoke a reaction. They may even be looking for a fight. Why else would they invade your space or territory?

tactics bullies use.

2. Daring You.

For example, a bully may stand with feet apart and arms wide, forming a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

3. Making deliberate, sudden movements.

For instance, the bully may back away from you and act like he is going to punch you, then stop himself and laugh.

They may also lunge at you, then stop themselves. These tactics are the favorite of bullies. Understand that bullies make these deliberate moves to cause you to flinch.

They then stand back and laugh. Then, they claim that this normal reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

4. Mock physical attacks.

For example, bullies may begin dancing around the room and shadowboxing. By doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

The best defense against this is calling the bully out. Here’s what you say:

“Do you realize how foolish you look?”
“Wow! You look like a total moron!” “whack-job”, etc.

Understand that there is a proper way to counter a bully using these kinds of tactics. And that is to insult his intelligence or sanity. And when you do, it’s best to do it in front of an audience.

The bully will either back off or react emotionally. Bullies absolutely despise looking like fools and being called out on it.

Tactics Bullies Use:

5. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha questions, but so are bullies. What is a gotcha question, you may ask?

Gotcha questions are those that put you in a bad light, no matter how you respond. They can do damage even if you don’t respond to them at all.

Therefore, these are the types of questions bullies will ask you in public, just to humiliate you. In fact, these kinds are best asked in front of an audience.

Gotcha questions are forms of entrapment. Why? Because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

examples of Gotchas:

“Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says Jeff was arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested, whether his friends realize it or not.

If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends are aware of it.

“Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution, whether anyone knows it or not.

If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Bullies ask gotchas to entrap you.

“Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this, the bully is accusing Tabitha of having alcoholism without directly doing so. It’s a slick way for them to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

“Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes or no, or choose not to respond. Either way, the bully is still implying that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. It’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are being bullied, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

healthy responses to gotchas:

If a bully ever confronts you with a gotcha, this is how to respond:

“You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”
“You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I’m wise to your games. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible.

It may or may not save your good name. However, you’ll feel good knowing you called it out without letting the bully throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Tactics Bullies Use:

6. Smear Campaigns

It always starts subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. And all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because bystanders will want to believe it.

If enough people do, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion, no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, the bullies will fade into the background.

They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! Let’s break it down.

How it works:

For example, bullies start by suggesting that you would be better off getting professional help. They will say that it’s for your own good.

They may then drop an offhand comment here and another there. In the beginning, you may have friends and be very well-liked. And they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when your bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what they told you.” Or, the bullies may lie to them by claiming that sometime in the past, you stabbed them in the back.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies, even things that never happened.

Tactics Bullies Use:

The rumors get bigger and more bizarre as they spread.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, they get bigger. Finally, they sound so bizarre that they’d make good content for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. And I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

Wrong!

Once the rumors start sticking, your buddies will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. Therefore, you’ll no longer have a clean reputation.

Before long, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect. And the only reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into everyone’s hearts.

They’ll say you put on a front. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Your good qualities won’t matter.

They’ll rewrite your history. Your past wins and accomplishments will be made irrelevant. They will minimize anything good about you, while maximizing your mistakes and failures.

Even if they see with their own eyes evidence of your successes, friendships, or anything positive, they’ll deny it. Or they’ll only react by claiming that you’re a smooth-talker who’s darn good at manipulating others.

Moreover, your former friends will claim that they never liked you from the start. They’ll only say that they were kind to you because you deceived them.

They’ll tell others, “who you really are.” And they’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations. If they ever agreed with you about your bullies, they only did so because you fooled them.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Telling your side of things will be pointless.

And telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

Their minds will already be made up, and there will be no changing them.

What you should do if you ever find yourself in this situation.

Many of the tactics bullies use are good. You’ve got to admit. Moreover, they’re damn hard to undo.

If you ever become the target of a smear campaign, it’s best to find a way out of the environment. And don’t look back. Also, you must write these people off forever.

This post is all about the sneaky tactics bullies use so you can recognize them and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

4. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or Just an Asshole?

5. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

what doesn't work with bullies in school

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies: 10 Reactions to Stop Right Now

January 2, 2026July 30, 20268 Comments

‘Want to know what doesn’t work with bullies? Here are all the responses you need to know that only produce the opposite of what you hope for.

Photo from Canva

Specific responses never work with bullies. And you must know what they are to avoid using them and making yourself an even bigger target.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what doesn’t work with bullies so you can avoid them more easily and respond more effectively.

Once you learn these vital tips, you will be able to respond to bullying more effectively.

This post is all about what doesn’t work with bullies, so you’ll know how to avoid responding.

What doesn’t work with Bullies

Some responses and reactions work, and some don’t. Some responses will prompt bullies to back off. However, others will only encourage them to continue and even escalate their harassment.

So, what doesn’t work with bullies? Here’s a list of ways to avoid responding at all costs.

1. Ignoring them.

I’m sure you’ve had many people tell you to ignore the bullies when they bully you. This is just another classic, worn-out piece of bad advice.

I got that lousy advice, too. And I learned the hard way – it doesn’t work. Period. Full stop! It never works.

Bullies will only become angry when you ignore them. And they will escalate the bullying. Moreover, they will mistake your ignoring them for fear.

If a bully gets in your face, how do you ignore that? It’s impossible.

You might think that the best way to handle it is to put your hand up and walk around the bully. This isn’t necessarily a bad response.

However, how do you know the bully won’t come after you and attack you from behind? When people tell you to ignore the bully, what they really mean is one or more of three things:

They don’t want to hear about it, don’t want to deal with it, or don’t have any answers themselves.

Therefore, keep calling it out. And keep setting boundaries.

2. What Doesn’t work with Bullies:

Asking them why.

Many victims mistakenly ask their bullies why. And it’s because they haven’t been taught more effective responses.

“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Why me?”
“What did I ever do to you?”

These questions are pointless. Why? Because, by asking these types of questions, you’re only reinforcing your role as a victim.

A bully will never answer those questions. And it’s because they either can’t or won’t answer them. Why would they tell you?

Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you confused. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words. They love to keep you guessing and trying to rack your brain.

That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior. And they can do it without you catching on that they are the ones with the problem and not you.

Therefore, it’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. You’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Why keeping you confused is half their power.

Again, keeping you bewildered is a power all its own. Why? Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly. And if you can’t think clearly, you are less likely to figure out what to do about it.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! To tell you why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy. To be honest about what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever will!

Therefore, I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve brutal treatment.

To take back your power, you must realize that they are the mentally impaired ones. They are the ones with the problem, and they are responsible for their behavior.

Instead of focusing your attention on finding out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?” Ask, “What can I do to remove myself from the situation and the toxic environment?”

Consider your options and weigh each carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.

3. I-Responses.

Instead, respond with a You-Response. For example, tell them, “You chose that behavior, I didn’t.” Or, you can say, “You’re such an asshole.”

Whatever you do, keep your response away from yourself. Always say, “You are the problem,” or “You chose to be a jerk.” Choose any response that points to the bully and not at you.

4. What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Begging.

When you beg a bully not to hurt you, it only makes you look weaker. Moreover, when you beg, bullies get a rush of power. Bullies love it when you beg. Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction.

More importantly, it doesn’t work. It only makes bullies want to harm you more. Why? Because it makes you seem like a loser.

Instead of begging, look the bully in the eye and firmly tell them to back the hell off. And if they don’t, you may have to put up your fists. Begging comes from a position of weakness. So, you must speak from a position of strength.

5. Apologizing.

Apologizing to bullies is a trauma response. So, it isn’t your fault.

Apologizing is appropriate when a situation warrants it. A sincere apology to someone you’ve hurt shows good character and integrity. It brings about healing and reopens communication between you and those you’ve wronged.

But what if the circumstances do not need one? Apologies can backfire when you offer them needlessly to people who don’t deserve them.

You may say “I’m sorry” before you even have time to think. It’s an automatic response. So, when you catch yourself about to say “sorry,” Stop for a moment.

Assess the situation and the person you’re apologizing to.

NEVER apologize to a bully. Bullies will only see it as weakness. Understand that you can never appease a bully.

Giving bullies undeserved apologies makes you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. So, instead of apologizing. Tell them, “You’ll get over it,” and walk away.

In fact, here’s what you do before apologizing to a bully.

What Doesn’t Work With Bullies:

Ask yourself these questions:

Doesn’t this warrant an apology?
Is this person someone I need to apologize to?
Is this my fault?
Did I have any control over this?
Am I responsible for someone else’s behavior other than my own?

If the answers are no, then save your apology for a person who deserves it and a situation that warrants it.

Do these people bully and abuse me?
Do they gaslight me when I defend myself or when I assert my needs and wants?
Have they yelled at me, insulted me, or ridiculed me when I’m having fun and just being myself?
Do they bully me more intensely when I express my own thoughts and opinions?
Do they punish me for feeling angry or sad emotions?
And do they ridicule me for asking for help?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t have to apologize. So, don’t!

I can’t stress this enough. When you offer apologies to bullies, you are wandering into people-pleasing territory. Also, your apologies will eventually lose their meaning when used too much for too long.

Moreover, they can weaken you in the eyes of predatory people. You will become the victim of people who wish to take advantage of you for their own selfish and sick pleasure and gain.

Why? Because you’re sorry for simply existing and taking up space.

What Doesn’t work with Bullies:

What you should say instead of apologizing.

If a bully or abuser is trying to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault, is beyond your control, or something that doesn’t need an apology, these are powerful responses.

You’ll get over it.
You’ll be alright.
By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
It’s no big deal.
This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

Therefore, understand that in those circumstances, you are not inconveniencing anyone or being a bother. Realize that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

This trauma response comes from a bullied brain. In other words, after people have bullied you for so long, you over-apologize because you’re afraid of being bullied again. But it can only bring more bullying because people will use it against you.

6. Explaining.

Explaining is a trap. Why? Because most things don’t need an explanation. Yet bullies are good at getting their victims to explain things that don’t need explaining.

Worst of all, victims of bullying are unsure how not to get sucked into needlessly explaining themselves. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Why Bullies Bait you into the Explaining Trap.

To throw you off-balance
To gather ammunition with which to fire back at you later
And to get you emotional.

So, how do you respond to this tactic intelligently and with strength? You respond by giving them a dismissive look, then walking away. Sometimes, silence speaks the loudest.

7. Being Nice.

Sweet talk never works with bullies. Too much sugar is never good because it not only eats away at your teeth, but it also eats away at your self-esteem and your life.

In a world full of evil people, being too nice means having no backbone or boundaries. Therefore, bullies will only see your kindness as a sign of being a fool. And don’t think they won’t find ways to exploit it.

With bullies, you must grow a pair and stand up to shabby treatment. It’s the only way you will ever get through to them.

8. A soft “No”.

When you say no to bullies, you must give them a hard no, never a soft one. A soft no is a no that is gentler and includes an explanation (see number six). It has no teeth. Therefore, bullies will only steamroll right over it.

On the other hand, a hard no is a firm, point-blank refusal. It has strength behind it. For instance, you can say, “No,” “Nope!” or “Absolutely not!” Then walk away.

Responses to bullies should always be firm.

9. What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

Submitting and trying to appease them.

Anytime you submit just to appease them and make them go away, you are rewarding their behavior. In other words, you’re giving them what they want. And, if you give them what they want, what makes you think they won’t come back for more?

You cannot submit your way out of being bullied. And you cannot appease a bully. Moreover, bullies don’t understand politeness or diplomacy; they only understand strength. These are facts you must know right now!

10. Pandering

I’ve seen so many bullied targets- even people who aren’t victims- pander, or, in layman’s terms, suck up. Bullies can be intimidating, even downright threatening, no doubt.

Anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do whatever it takes to quell the danger. That, I understand entirely.

But unless they threaten your life, it isn’t a good idea to pander to bullies. Why? Because it wouldn’t change anything. You only give away more of your power by bowing down and kissing their feet.

As a result, you’ll end up feeling even worse about yourself than you did before.

Pandering is for pansies. So, think for yourself and start standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries. They may bully you harder at first. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.

But if you stick to it, they will go away sooner or later. And you’ll feel better about yourself.

What Doesn’t Work with Bullies:

In conclusion

To know how to respond means learning how not to respond. Therefore, avoid these reactions, and you will become bully-proof and live in peace. I promise you.

This post was all about what doesn’t work with bullies so that you can stand strong, make them leave you alone, and preserve your SELF-ESTEEM.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

2. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. Saying Sorry Too Much: 4 Reasons You Do and How to Stop It

The Guilty Conscience: The Top 4 Ways Bullies Act When You Speak Up

October 21, 2025July 30, 20266 Comments

‘Want to know what the guilty conscience does to bullies? Here are all the ways bullies act when you finally speak out.

Photo from Canva

Have you noticed that whenever you speak out against bullying, the guilty parties always come after you and bark the loudest?

In this post, you will learn all about the guilty conscience and all the ways bullies act when you prick at their conscience by speaking out.

Once you learn all about this vital information, you will know what to expect when you expose their behavior. Even better, you will realize where it comes from when your bullies act out.

This post is all about the guilty conscience, so that you will feel less fearful of speaking out against bullying.

The Guilty Conscience

Maybe you tell your story of the bullying and abuse that you, yourself, suffered in the past and how you’ve since overcome it.

Then, BOOM! Many haters emerge from the woodwork. They latch on and start screaming, cursing, and accusing you of everything under the sun.

Some of your old bullies may call you ugly names and threaten you. Their families and friends may even come for you on the internet. This happened to me after I published FVTV.

However, I knew where the behavior came from, so it did not faze me. If this has happened to you, realize that their behavior only comes from desperation.

Bullies with Guilty Consciences

The guilty dogs always bark the loudest. They will be the ones who get offended and engage in yelling, cursing, and throwing tantrums.

The very ones who’ve bullied and abused you in the past will come out in droves and attack you. See this as a given.

Additionally, you don’t have to call these people out by name to put them on the defensive. Why? Because knowing that you’re speaking out will make them very afraid. In fact, some will panic.

More than anything, it eats at their conscience! You don’t have to expose them necessarily. All you’ve got to do is say anything that pricks at their sense of guilt, and they go bonkers.

The Guilty Conscience:

you may also trigger People who haven’t met you or had anything to do with what happened to you.

You may also trigger strangers who may not know you or have anything to do with what was done to you. What matters is that you delivered a massive blow to their conscience!

Even worse, you made them feel dirty! And that alone drives people up the wall.

Though they may not necessarily have bullied and abused you, they may have done so to someone else. And hearing you talk about your experiences made you a reminder to them.

You caused them to think of the abuse they have inflicted on others in the past. Ouch!

It’s subconscious. They don’t realize it, and probably couldn’t explain it. All they know is that your story is rubbing them the wrong way and causing them a lot of anxiety.

This is the reason they freak out and flip their wigs.

The behavior of a guilty person is scary.

It’s happened to me. I’ve seen it up close. And believe you me, these folks become downright scary! Because when they lose it, their eyes seem to jump out at you. And they snarl when they yell at you. These people really come unglued!

But you must see their behavior for what it is: a sign of buried guilt. Understand that they are only revealing themselves. They’re ripping their own masks off and don’t realize they’re doing it.

Why would someone get so irate and have a complete meltdown if you weren’t stepping on their toes? If they didn’t feel that somehow, some way, you were talking about them, then why would they fly off the handle?

Really think about it. Pastors of churches often experience this phenomenon. During Sunday service, they’ll preach on a certain subject, then a few church members get angry over it and give him a hard time after the service is over.

My point is that if they knew they weren’t guilty of anything, they’d automatically know that the conversation wasn’t about them. Therefore, they wouldn’t care.

Remember that the people who get offended are the guilty ones. You can bet that they have, at some time, bullied you or another innocent person. Anger is revealing.

The Guilty Conscience:

4 Most Common Things Bullies and Abusers Do When You Finally Speak Out About Their Abuse

When you expose your bullies and their abusive behavior, you put them on high alert. You put them in defense mode, and they will do one, some, or all of four things:

1. Lash out at you.

This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. They’ll scream and yell at you. Also, they’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God.

I know it’s difficult, but don’t panic and don’t be afraid. See it for what it is- you just forced them to reveal their true colors.

Why? Because when your former bullies become enraged and attack you, that’s when you know you’ve busted them. Or, more appropriately, you’ve forced them to bust themselves! So, yay for you!

Remember the warplane analogy. When a warplane is right over the target, that’s when they get the most flak. It’s the same when you call out bullying. The guilty people will attack you the worst.

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face.

Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively. They will claim they never bullied or mistreated you.

Also, they may even make subtle hints that you must have “everything misconstrued.” Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is a form of gaslighting. And it reveals a great deal about their character.

3. The Guilty Conscience:

Defame you.

The day you see their bullying and abuse for what it is is the day bullies lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others.

They will tell everyone who will listen what a lowdown piece of garbage you are. They will spread lies and rumors. And they will project their behavior.

But, as difficult as it may be, don’t let it faze you. Realize that they’re panicking. Your bullies are in a mad rush to do some damage control.

Most of the time, your former bullies and abusers will tell others that you’re “cray-cray.” They’ll make it seem that you’re having some mental episode.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care. Therefore, they wouldn’t react so desperately.

So, always see this as an admission of guilt. And realize that they fear that word about their true nature might get around and cause them to lose face.

4. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared. Understand that this is the best outcome.

Why? Because if they avoid you, you don’t have to worry about them bullying you again. They know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already circulating.

So, the last thing they want to do is anything that even has a slight possibility of making them look guilty. They fear their reputations are already on shaky ground.

These people are cowards; that much is true. However, they’re making the most brilliant move by simply staying away from you. In fact, they won’t even mention your name.

The Guilty Conscience:

You must still watch out for even those who avoid you.

Be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may stay away long enough for things to cool off.

Moreover, they just might be secretly plotting revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in various ways.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even those who are formerly so, count on your silence. And they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because it places them at risk of losing respect in the community. And there’s a possibility that others will see them for the monsters they are.

Bullies have an image to maintain.

Bullies make everything about appearances. And when you pull back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them. So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make statements such as:

“Well, we were just kids then.”
“But that’s all water under the bridge.”
“Just let bygones be bygones.”
”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it.” Also, your bullies may accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their goal is to shut you up.

The Guilty Conscience:

Other Goals Your Bullies may have

To minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
To make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
To cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations.
To minimize any backlash they might receive.

Again, don’t be afraid. Instead, see it as they’re unwittingly revealing themselves and let them do it. Let them launch their personal attacks.

In Closing

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point:

When you speak out about your bullies and their abuse, you force them to explain themselves. Anyone who must explain and justify themselves or their behavior is never in a powerful position.

By forcing your bullies to explain themselves, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a vulnerable and subordinate position.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly strip away their power. Why? Because power never explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

By speaking out, you put your bullies in a weakened and subordinate position.

Therefore, don’t allow them to silence you. Keep speaking out, no matter what they do. Because when you continue to tell your story, you keep them on the defensive. Therefore, they will only continue to out themselves.

This post is all about the guilty conscience so that you can prepare yourself for your bullies’ reactions and know what’s behind them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

2. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

3. Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out

4. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

5. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or just an Asshole?

October 14, 2025July 30, 202614 Comments

Want to know the definition of bullying? Here’s how to find out if the person mistreating you is a bully or just your common, everyday asshole.

Photo from Canva

Sometimes we use the term bullying in situations it doesn’t belong in. Some people are jerks. However, it doesn’t mean they’re bullies.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the definition of bullying so that you can learn the difference between a bully and a jerk.

Once you understand these crucial differences, you will be able to recognize bullying when it occurs and address it effectively.

This post is all about defining bullying so that you can distinguish between bullying and douchebaggery.

Definition of bullying

To distinguish between bullying and everyday incivility, it is essential to understand the definition of bullying. Therefore, here’s a definition provided by the Anti-Bullying Alliance.

“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.”

An altercation must have these four elements before we can call it a bullying incident.

4 Elements of Bullying

There are four elements of bullying. Here they are.

1. Imbalance of power.

Physical Strength

In cases of bullying, the bully often has more power than the victim. If you’re a victim of bullying, the power your bully has over you can be physical strength. Therefore, they use it to instill fear in you and exert control over your life.

Social Status

A bully’s power can also be their social status. For example, a popular bully may weaponize their popularity. They may use it to exclude you or to ruin your reputation and reduce your place in the social hierarchy.

The reason they do this is that they know that because they’re so popular, others will listen to them. Their social status automatically gives them credibility. Therefore, they may spread vicious lies about you.

Why? Because they know that others outside the bullying dynamic will take their word over yours. As a result, they can succeed in destroying your good name.

Definition of Bullying:

Psychological strength

The most seasoned bullies may also have more psychological power. You might tell them off when they try to abuse you. However, your comebacks may have little to no effect on them.

The reason these bullies have nerves of steel is that they have learned to shut off their emotions. Bullies with NPD have no empathy at all, and they rarely show emotion. Therefore, it will be challenging to shame or hurt their feelings. They may hurt inside if you deal them a good comeback, but they’ll hide it. However, most victims aren’t as good at concealing their emotions.

2. Repetition.

Bullying is a repeated behavior that becomes a pattern. Remember that bullying is a form of brainwashing. Therefore, it’s why bullies repeat the same narratives and attacks over and over again.

If you are a target of bullying, you will notice that you hear the same narratives day in and day out. Moreover, your bullies will use the same tactics on you time and time again.

It will be as if your bullies are following an internal script, using the broken record technique.

3. Deliberate Intent to harm.

Another element of bullying is the deliberate intent to harm. The harm can be physical, psychological, emotional, or social. Bullies have a strong desire to hurt and to inflict pain, and for several reasons, depending on the person.

Some bullies inflict harm on their victims as a form of revenge. Perhaps your bully retaliates because you reported them. Some bullies bully out of jealousy. Others may bully you because they secretly enjoy seeing you suffer.

4. Definition of Bullying:

Same Victim

Bullying usually targets the same person repeatedly. Remember that bullying always needs a target. Without the victim, bullying doesn’t exist.

However, bullies won’t choose just any victim. They select the easiest target. Therefore, they will pick the person who easily gets emotional or the individual who is least liked by others.

Bullies may also pick those who are small in size and stature or those with disabilities. Nevertheless, whoever they choose will have some weakness that can be exploited.

Is it bullying or is the person being an asshole?

Because people use the term “bullying” so much, they throw the word around willy-nilly. As a result, they use it in situations that don’t fit its use. What do I mean by this? You may wonder.

What I mean is that many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they don’t like. There’s so much confusion about bullying. And people may mistake rudeness for it. They may wrongfully label someone who’s only being a jerk, or voicing an unfavorable opinion.

Therefore, we must define bullying. We also need to clarify what constitutes bullying and what does not. Only then will we be able to distinguish between a bully and an everyday douche bag.

The Definition of bullying

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

Not All Bad Behavior IS bullying.

Not all bad behavior is bullying. For example, simple statements that make you uncomfortable are not considered bullying. Here is a list of situations that do not constitute bullying.

Disagreements and truthful debates
Misunderstandings
Stubbornness
Incivility and jerky behavior
Unfavorable opinions.

Bullying has become a blanket term to describe anyone who is an asshole. Assholes are those who are rude, obnoxious, and opinionated. People are quick to label uncivil jerks and jackasses as bullies. In fact, they call anyone who says, does, or believes anything they disapprove of a bully. This is wrong.

Definition of bullying:

Examples

Suppose a 6’5” tall, muscular knucklehead bumps into you on the street. He says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!” then keeps walking. Afterwards, you never see the guy again. That’s not bullying.

Is the person an asshole? Absolutely. But he isn’t necessarily a bully.

But what if he deliberately runs into you and shoots his mouth off every time he sees you on the street? What if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

In that case, yes, you could call him a bully. Why? Because he would use his size and height to intimidate you. He’d also repeat the behavior every day. Moreover, he would treat everyone else with respect and dignity while singling you out for abuse. Therefore, all these behaviors point to bullying.

Unfavorable opinions.

For instance, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers. They say, “I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

The person is voicing an unfavorable opinion, yes. However, he still isn’t bullying the new neighbor.

But what if the person continues this behavior for a week, a month, or longer? What if he smears the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against him? Then, yes, they would be bullying the neighbor.

Definition of Bullying:

Debates.

If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying even if the argument is heated. Only when one of the arguers resorts to repeatedly calling their opponent names does it turn into bullying. Name-calling is meant to shame someone because they don’t share their beliefs. And the name-calling must go on for a long time, against the same opponent.

To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we must know what constitutes bullying and what does not. Only then will we be able to apply it to those who genuinely deserve the label.

Bully or Asshole?

Everyone deals with assholes, but not everyone gets bullied. Jerks and disrespect are a regular part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is not. A jerk’s behavior is hurtful and harmful. Sure. But a bully’s behavior is not only hateful and negative, but it’s abusive and repeated.

When is hurtful behavior classified as bullying? How do we distinguish between bullying and disrespect? What is the difference between a jerk and a bully?

When a person is “just being a jerk,” their bad attitude is random, sporadic, and directed at anyone at any time.

On the other hand, when an individual is a bully, their behavior tends to be a pattern. In other words, the ill-treatment becomes a habit and is directed towards one person in particular- you.

Bullying requires a target! It is systematic, deliberate, vicious, and always escalates over time. Bullying involves smear campaigns, witch hunts, and is relentless. Bullying seeks to destroy. It is a campaign with a goal. Therefore, bullying is well-organized.

A jerk is afraid you might want something from him. On the other hand, a bully wants something from you.

This post is all about the definition of bullying so that you can distinguish the Behaviors of Bullies and uncivil Jerks.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Incivility vs Bullying

2. What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

Haters: 13 Tactics They Use to Bring You Down

September 9, 2025July 30, 20266 Comments

Haters gonna hate. Want to know the tactics they use to bring you down? Here are all the maneuvers you need to know.

Photo from Canva

Haters can make life difficult. But what if I told you that having them was a good thing?

In this post, you will learn all about haters and the tactics they use to bring you down.

Once you learn all about these confidence-building details, you will be able to remain calm and cool because it will be easier not to let them faze you.

This post is all about haters, why they’re a great thing to have, and the tactics they use to bring you down so that you can feel good about having them.

Haters

So, what is a hater? Here are two definitions from dictionary.com.

“1. a person who has an intense dislike for another person or thing (often used in combination).”

“2. Informal. A person who thrives on showing hate toward, criticizing, or belittling other people or things, usually unfairly.”

Anyone can have haters. Even celebrities have them. Therefore, if you feel down because you have them, don’t.

Instead, feel good about it because you must have a lot of power if you can upset someone without provoking them. Your presence alone can rile some people. That’s power!

However, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to watch your back. Here are all the tactics they will use to bring you down and how you can turn the tables on them.

Why DO PEOPLE HATE YOU?

There are many reasons why some people hate you. And they don’t need a good reason to do it. I’ve learned from experience that jealousy drives most haters.

For instance, you may have a personality trait that they only wish they had. Maybe you are outgoing, and people like you because of your confidence. It could be that you are brilliant and you excel in school.

Maybe you’re successful on the job. Or you’re attractive. And perhaps you have talents and gifts others wish they had.

Again, when you’re good at anything, you will likely attract haters who will be itching to take you down a peg or two.

So, what tactics do these people use?

1. Haters:

Watch you and give you dirty looks

People who hate you will watch you closely. Why? Because they are waiting for you to fail at something. And when you do, they want to see it, then boast about it later.

These kinds of bullies are tired of seeing you succeed. They wait, with bated breath, for your downfall. So, they watch you like a spy watches a foreign operative.

They may also give you dirty looks. But it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you. And it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong. The reason they glare at you so hard is to intimidate you.

How you stand up to this is to mirror the same expression back at them. In other words, return the dirty look. Let them know that they can’t scare you and that you won’t tolerate their behavior.

2. Copy you

Some of them will copy you. They may imitate your clothing style, the way you speak, and the way you act. However, understand that they’re only showing you and others who they are – a bunch of posers.

I understand that this may get on your nerves. However, don’t let it get you out of sorts.

Instead, laugh at them. And feel good about it. Why? Because any time someone wants to be like you, it only means they admire you, albeit weirdly.

3. Haters Gonna Hate:

Talk about you behind your back

These idiots will stab you in the back every chance they get. They don’t have the guts to tell you anything to your face. So, they must talk about you to others. And you will be the last to know.

However, don’t let it get to you. And don’t allow it to confuse or bewilder you. Understand that anyone who does this to you unprovoked is usually doing it out of jealousy.

Only they will never tell you. Because to admit that they’re jealous of you would be to realize that they feel inferior to you. And no way will they ever!

4. Launch smear campaigns

These bullies will launch smear campaigns to turn others against you and ruin your reputation. If this happens to you, a few people may indeed turn on you.

However, think of it this way. The people who turn their backs on you were never your friends to begin with. So, see this as your haters weeding out the trash for you.

They’re only saving you the trouble of finding out the hard way and doing it yourself.

5. Provoke arguments with you

When others try to start arguments with you, they’re itching for a fight. And it may bewilder you, especially if you haven’t done anything to them.

You must understand the reason they do this. Many bullies will do this to try to drag you down to their level. Therefore, stay above it.

How you stay above the pettiness is not to react, but respond. And do it in as few words as possible. For example, you can say, “I’m not having this conversation with you.” Then, walk away.

By doing this, you will make them look weak, and yourself look strong.

6. Haters:

try to sabotage your progress

Bullies at work may try to sabotage you when they see that you’re a competent employee. The reason they do this is to make you look bad to your bosses and coworkers.

Workplace bullies may also point out any tiny mistake you make. Again, this is all designed to undermine your work and make you look like you don’t know what you’re doing.

How you stand up to this is to call out their jealousy professionally. For example, you could say, “Listen, (bully’s name). No one is trying to compete with you. So, there’s no need for you to act this way. It’s not very professional.”

When you say this, you diplomatically call them out. And you make them look guilty to others.

7. try to block you from reaching success

This mainly happens in the workplace. For instance, you may be a candidate for a promotion. A meeting is scheduled for the next morning. And your bully may tell you that the meeting is at nine o’clock when it starts at eight-thirty.

And when you arrive thirty minutes late, management may question your eligibility for the promotion.

Therefore, always get the answers to any questions you have from those you can trust. Also, read any memos.

8. Haters Gonna Hate:

try to embarrass and humiliate you

People who don’t wish you well may try to set you up for humiliation and embarrassment. In extreme cases, they may take compromising photos of you.

Maybe they sneak into the bathroom with their phone and take snapshots of you using the bathroom. Or perhaps they try to trip you as you’re walking into a meeting.

Therefore, watch your back. And if you know who your haters are, stay far away from them.

9. try to undermine any successes you’ve had

Bullies will try to downplay any accomplishments you’ve made. For instance, someone brags on you for a success you’ve reached. And your bullies say, “Oh, shit! Anybody could’ve done that.”

The best you can do is let them say it. Why? Because they’re showing others the kinds of people they are. Remember that haters gonna hate. So, why not let them continue to expose themselves?

10. try to one-up you

For example, one of your high school buddies brags to others about your ability to get a date. And he tells them that you seem to attract them with ease.

Then, your bully pipes in and begins bragging that he’s scored with x number of girls – more girls than you.

How you stay above this is to smile and let him brag. Because he’s only making himself look like a jackass, and everyone else knows it. So, why not let the chump shoot himself in the foot?

You should always use your haters as your motivation to reach your goals.

11. Haters:

Act superior to you

Most haters hate you because they feel inferior to you. Anyone who feels inferior may try to cover it up by acting superior.

Therefore, you can stand up to them by gently calling them out. For instance, you can say, “I’m sorry you feel so inferior that you have to act this way.”

By saying this, you call out their behavior and expose their innermost feelings that they don’t meet expectations. Ouch!

And if you do it in public, that’s even better.

12. Pretend to be friends with you

Many bullies will act like friends to get close enough to you to harm you. You must watch out for these kinds of people because they’re slick!

They have ways of chumming up to you without you knowing their intentions. And you won’t see it coming until it’s too late.

Look for them to ask you personal questions. Also, they may say and do things to get you to confide in them. Therefore, if you make a new friend, don’t reveal anything to them that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know.

You won’t know you can trust them until you’ve been friends for a long time. Also, you can conduct a little test.

Tell them something that you couldn’t care less if anyone knows. Then tell them to keep it secret. Let the person be the only one you tell. If it gets out, then you know they shared it.

And you know that you can’t trust them.

13. Haters Gonna Hate:

Infiltrate your friend group

Some people who hate you may try to get on good terms with your friends. However, know the reason they do. It’s to cause division and put you on your friends’ bad side.

Therefore, be watchful anytime someone who has treated you wrong in the past suddenly ingratiates themselves into your group. And question them in front of your friends.

In Conclusion:

When you have haters, they have a sick obsession with you, your comings and goings, and what you say and do. Therefore, their viciousness says everything about them and nothing about you.

They will discourage you if you let them. However, know that haters admire you. Only they want what you have for themselves. So, they hate you because you have things they wish they had but don’t think they could ever have.

Their hatred only hurts them, not you. Therefore, feel good about it because there are good reasons you have them. Let it boost your confidence. But, at the same time, watch your back. And know the tactics they may use against you so that you know how to deal with them.

Remember! Haters gonna hate! So, let them hate! And use them as your motivation to reach your goals and dreams.

This post was all about haters so that instead of letting them make you feel bad, you can use them as your motivation to succeed.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. 5 Reasons You Have Haters

2. How to Deal with Haters and Why Having Them is Good

3. When Others Tell You You Can’t: 8 Reasons They Discourage You

when bystanders become bullies at school

When Bystanders Become Bullies: 11 Behaviors of Bully-Supporters

August 29, 2025July 26, 20264 Comments

‘Want to know all the behaviors you’ll see when bystanders become bullies? Here’s how bystanders will behave when they agree with and support the person who is bullying you.

Photo from Dreamstime

Sadly, in most cases of bullying, bystanders only make it worse. Therefore, in this post, you will learn what happens when bystanders become bullies and all the behaviors of those who support bullying.

Once you learn all about these signs, you will be able to take the best course of action to protect yourself and decide whether it’s better to leave the environment altogether.

This post is all about what happens when bystanders become bullies, so that you can take steps to ensure your safety.

When Bystanders become Bullies

Any time bystanders join your bullies in tormenting you, it can be especially devastating because you have no one to help you. Moreover, it can escalate to group-bullying, and group behavior can get dangerous very quickly.

So, what are all the signs that bystanders support bullying?

1. Laughing and Giggling

When you’re being bullied in front of an audience, you hear laughing and giggling in the background; the bystanders think it’s funny.

However, it isn’t so funny to you. And they wouldn’t think so either, if they were the ones being bullied in public.

When bystanders laugh and giggle, it means they’re getting their kicks at your expense.

2. Ignoring it and Doing Nothing.

When bystanders ignore bullying and do nothing, they become just as bad as the bullies. There are many reasons bystanders don’t do anything about bullying. Maybe they’re scared of becoming the next target.

It could be that they don’t like you and that they think you deserve to be bullied. Also, the bullies could be their proxies. In other words, your bullies are doing what they wish they had the balls to do.

3. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Whispering and Gossiping About The Bullying Incidents.

If the bystanders can’t stand you, they’ll love it when your bullies attack you. And they’ll talk about it too. Therefore, they will whisper and gossip about the bullying incident to everyone who will listen.

They will say things like, “Katie got her ass kicked in the bathroom yesterday! I mean, she got her shit rocked!”

Here are other statements bystanders who hate you might make after bullies publicly attack you.

“Charles finally got what was coming to him this morning! And it was glorious!”

“You should have seen it! Samantha and Janessa jumped Pam on Tuesday in the hall! They knocked her down, then they started kicking her while she was down on the floor!”

“I don’t feel sorry for the bitch! She got what she deserved, and I hope she gets more of it!”

“April said she’s going to kick Carla’s ass, and I hope I’m around to see it go down!”

Several bystanders may come to you and tell you that your bully is gunning for you. Here’s what they may say to you.

“You’ve got several people who are looking for you, and when they find you, they’re going to kick your butt.”

“You’d better hope Sheila doesn’t run into you because she’s got a bone to pick with you.”

Make no mistake! When bystanders come and tell you these things, they’re not doing it out of concern. They’re doing it to intimidate you and instill in you a sense of dread.

4. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Staring and Pointing.

When your bullies are in your face, and there are people around to see it, those people may point and stare because they’re getting entertainment from seeing your bullies attack you.

And they won’t stop gawking until the fight is over. Then they will run and tell everyone how your bullies punked you out. Some might even embellish on the story to make it bigger and to make you look weaker.

But realize that they’re doing it because they want a story to tell all their friends.

5. Playing the Messenger between the Bully and Victim.

Many bystanders might run to you and bait you into saying something bad about your bullies. If you take the bait, they will then report back to your bullies with everything you told them. Also, they may embellish and add to what you said to make it worse.

They may then come back to you with how your bullies responded to get you to divulge more. And they will do this several times over.

If nothing else, know this! The reason these people play messenger is that they are itching to see a fight. Therefore, they try to stir it up. So, see their behavior for what it is.

They’re trying to get a fight started so they can watch, then go brag about it later. You should have nothing to do with these people.

The next time someone comes to you and tries to trick you into saying something about your bullies, ask them, “What’s it to you?” Then, tell them to get lost.

6. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Hopping on the Bandwagon and joining in.

When your bullies get in your face, many bystanders will join them in tormenting you. When the bullies accuse you of something, the bystanders might tell the bully that they saw you do it or heard you say it.

Or they may follow the bullies’ lead when they call you names and insult you. They may call you ugly names too.

Again, these bystanders are no better than the bullies are. In fact, they’re worse. Why? Because they don’t have the guts to confront you unless your bullies do it first. All they are is a bunch of flying monkeys.

And you know what usually happens to flying monkeys. Right? Once they do what the bullies want them to do, the bullies have no use for them anymore. Then, the bullies discard them like yesterday’s garbage.

7. Keeping the Rumor Mill Going about the Target Victim.

If your bullies have started a smear campaign against you, they start a rumor about you to ruin your reputation. The bystanders will then pick it up and keep it going.

And they may change the story around during the process and make it bigger. Therefore, you must see these people for who they are. They’re a bunch of followers and wannabes.

8. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Liking or Agreeing with Mean Social Media Posts.

If you’re being cyber-bullied, bystanders will often like any mean social media posts. If your bullies make vicious comments about you, they may like those too.

Anytime someone hits the like button on a mean post, it only means they agree with your bullies. Therefore, if these people are on your friend or follower list, you must delete and block them immediately.

Because they’re not on your list to be your friend. They’re there to spy on you.

9. Inciting More Bullying Between the Bully and THE Target Victim.

Sadly, many bystanders get their kicks out of seeing bullies torture and torment you. Therefore, they will egg it on to keep it percolating. Another name for this is incitement.

When bystanders try to keep the fires burning, you often hear the people around you cheer as your bully is telling you off or beating the crap out of you.

For instance, when your bully gets in your face, you might hear people in the background shouting and jeering. They may say things like, “Hit her! Just hit her!” Or you might hear them say, “Get him, Johnny!” or “Yeah! Set her ass straight!”

Understand where this behavior comes from. They like seeing you get pummeled by the bullies. Moreover, these bystanders are too chicken to do it themselves. Your bullies serve as proxies to them.

Therefore, you must stand up to bullies and show them and their supporters that you won’t take their abuse lying down.

10. When Bystanders Become Bullies:

Getting pissed off at you for defending yourself.

Here’s an example. Your bullies approach you in the parking lot and try to provoke you. In fact, they’ve been giving you hell for a long time now, and you’re sick of it.

When one of your bullies hits you first, that’s the last straw. You immediately sock him in the nose, then commence beating the mess out of him in front of everyone.

All of a sudden, everyone is outraged, not at the bully who started it, but at you for defending yourself. But where was their outrage when they were starting shit with you?

Again, see these bystanders for who they are – a bunch of agitators! And tell them all to take a long walk off a short pier!

11. Retaliating against you for defending yourself.

For instance, you may beat the crap out of one bully, then the bystanders may set you up to be attacked by a bigger bully. They may lie to the bigger bully, telling them that you are trying to get with his girl. Or they may tell them that you said something bad about him.

Whatever they do, they do it because they hate you for sweeping the floor with their hero – the bully they looked up to. Therefore, they’re going to pay you back by getting a bigger bully to attack you. Why? To increase the odds that you might get your butt kicked.

Again, have nothing to do with these bystanders because they’re a bunch of weak little cowards who can’t fight their own battles. So, they must get someone else to do their violence for them.

When Bystanders Become Bullies:

In Conclusion

Sadly, most bystanders are cowards. Chances are that they will not help you if you’re a target of bullying. They will only blame you because they hate you as much as your bullies do. But they don’t have the guts to attack you themselves.

The only way they can attack you is to do it subtly or join in with your bullies. So, see these people for who they are – a bunch of pathetic losers who are scared that they might be next. As long as you look at them this way, you keep your confidence up.

This post was all about the signs you see when bystanders become bullies, so that you will know when it’s time to change schools or begin looking for employment elsewhere.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims

2. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

3. Examples of Subtle Bullying: 6 Powerful Ways to Read Between the Lines

4. Guilt by Association Fallacy: How It Brings About Bullying

Flattery vs Compliment: 7 Signs Bullies are Buttering You Up

August 22, 2025July 30, 202612 Comments

‘Want to know the difference of flattery vs compliment? Here are all the differences you need to know about.

Photo from Dreamstime

Compliments are great. But only if they come from the heart.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to differentiate flattery vs compliment so that you know when to say thank you and when someone is just trying to butter you up.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to spot a fake compliment when you hear one.

This post is all about the differences between flattery vs compliment and how you should respond to each.

Flattery vs compliment

Targets of bullying must know the difference between the two. And, surprisingly, many people think that compliments and flattery are the same. They aren’t.

A compliment is genuine. Whereas flattery is fake.

A compliment comes from the heart and is truthful. Also, compliments are earned. They’re reserved for people who deserve them. Compliments are given to praise someone for an accomplishment. They are an acknowledgement for a good deed or a job well done.

Flattery, on the other hand, is used for self-aggrandisement. It is insincere, deceptive, and can be an insult to the recipient. Because, again, it is strictly used for selfish purposes. Flattery and insincere compliments are both the same.

Therefore, bullies never pay sincere compliments, especially to their victims. However, they will use flattery to butter them up to manipulate and exploit them. Bullies may also use flattery as a form of subtle sarcasm.

And if the target happens to be gullible, he may confuse it for genuine compliments. Bullies will then watch the victim’s face light up with over-excitement, then laugh later.

Remember that many targets of bullying are often thirsty for any sign of approval and praise because they don’t get enough of it, if they get any at all. Therefore, anything that even looks like approval, they’ll be excited to receive, even overly so.

So, what are the differences between flattery and compliments?

Flattery vs Compliment:

Your Relationship with the person giving it

Simple. You can tell by the kind of relationship you have with the person complimenting you. In other words, if the person complimenting you is a bully who normally mistreats you, then you can be sure that it’s flattery. And the compliment is fake, phony, and false.

I can’t stress this enough. Never take seriously any “compliment” you receive from a bully. When a bully is suddenly nice to you and gives compliments, it is likely an attempt to manipulate you.

A bully who compliments you is only flattering you. They are looking for an eventual payoff, be it psychological or otherwise.

In contrast, if the person is a true friend or family member who loves you and has never intentionally harmed you, you know that the compliment is for real. Even if the praise comes from a total stranger, it would be more acceptable than if it came from a bully.

Still, even with strangers, you should be gracious but cautious because they haven’t established a relationship with you yet. A simple thank you will do in this situation.

Make Sure Your Own Compliments are Sincere.

Just the same, if you are the one making the compliment, make sure the person you compliment is a close friend or family member. In other words, make sure that person damn well deserves it from you and that they’ve done something that warrants it.

Understand that most people know their strengths and weaknesses. And if you give them a false accolade on something they know they aren’t good at, they will see that you’re lying to them. Also, they will wonder what ulterior motives you have in giving them such a fake compliment.

And last and most importantly, never compliment a bully! Ever!

Flattery vs Compliment:

Here’s why:

Bullies get their behinds kissed all the time, and it’s exactly how they’ll perceive it.
You will be giving the bully a juicy opportunity to turn it against you and steamroll you with it.
Bullies are the last people who deserve praise. Never give anyone anything they haven’t earned.

Trust me, bullies, especially the arrogant and puffed-up type, get their boots licked enough.

They get false compliments and fake sympathy from their sycophants daily. How do you think they got so sickeningly full of themselves? Again, compliments should only be handed out to people who deserve them.

I learned this the hard way when I was sixteen and a sophomore in high school.

I remember seeing a girl in the cafeteria at lunch, and she was wearing a lovely dress. Naturally, I told her that it was a beautiful dress and that I liked it. And I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said it.

However, it only fueled her arrogance. She only sneered at me and said,

“I know. So what? Nobody likes you, and you think kissing up changes things?”

You can imagine how heartbroken and humiliated I was because she said that aloud, in front of an audience. I vowed that, from that moment on, I would give compliments only to those I trusted.

Few things uplift a person like a sincere compliment, which comes from the heart. However, a bully will only wipe their butts with it, then throw it back at you.

Flattery vs Compliment:

They may accept anyone else’s compliment. But if it comes for you, your bullies will only see it as ass-kissing.

Realize that a bully will only see it as confirmation that they are better than you. A bully will also think that you’re only trying to suck up to them to get them off your back.

A compliment to a bully is nothing more than an ego boost. And why not? Again, bullies are used to having most other classmates or coworkers bow down before them.

Moreover, it’s an opportunity for them to rake your dignity over the coals.

Instead, be the one who gives these life-suckers and happiness thieves a healthy dose of the real world. Be indifferent toward them- like you just don’t give a crap about them.

They may get angry because they may think people owe them allegiance, but you won’t give them the wrong impression. And, most importantly, you’ll walk away with your self-respect intact.

Follow these three rules, and I promise you that your value will increase significantly. It may not seem so, but it will.

So, how can you tell when your bullies are trying to butter you up to get something from you? Here’s what to look for.

1. A Sudden CHANGE of Heart.

Anytime your bullies have a sudden change of heart, your antennae should automatically go up! Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust takes time to build.

Therefore, just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who is usually brutal toward you suddenly begins treating you warmly, watch out!

Bullies will often begin sweet-talking you when they want something from you. So, look for them to ask you for something once they’ve buttered you up enough.

2. Flattery vs Compliment:

Excessive Sweet-Talk

You must understand that bullies have a higher understanding of human nature than most. They instinctively know that after they’ve bullied you over a certain amount of time and turned enough people against you, you’ll likely be hungry for any morsel of kindness.

People can sense when you’re vulnerable. And they will take full advantage!

You’ll know that something is off because your bullies will overdo the pleasantries. They’ll use excessive flattery. And, man! Do they lay it on thick!

Therefore, if they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouthful of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.

3. fake smiles

A genuine smile is when a person smiles with their eyes and their mouth. You’ll see their eyes light up and crinkles develop around their eyes. On the other hand, if someone smiles only with their mouth, it’s time to end the conversation and excuse yourself.

4. Micro-flashes

If you pay close attention to body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces. Moreover, you’ll notice them when your bullies think you aren’t looking or paying attention.

Therefore, don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.

5. Flattery vs Compliment

Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away

They’ll look at you until you turn your back. Once you walk away, they’ll give each other knowing glances. Or, they may look at each other and give a wink, a nod, or both.

Also, you may hear giggling and snickering as you walk away. These are a dead giveaway! Therefore, give these idiots the boot!

6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests.

Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with boundaries and human rights!

Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous?

You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!

7. Your Gut will warn you!

When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary. Therefore, if your bullies shower you with flattery, you’ll notice that something doesn’t feel right.

This is your first clue. Your gut will always warn you when there’s danger around. So, listen to it.

Flattery vs Compliment:

In Conclusion:

Any time bullies want something from you, the first thing they do is have a sudden change of heart and pour on the flattery. Therefore, always look at how they’ve treated you in the past. Because past behavior always predicts future behavior.

You’re a target, but you don’t have to be a victim.

This post was all about the differences BETWEEN flattery vs compliment so that you will see the difference and protect yourself from insincere people.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why is My Bully Being Nice to Me? Here are 5 Reasons to Beware!

2. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You

Things Bullies Hate: 9 Things That Drive Them Up the Wall

August 5, 2025July 30, 20268 Comments

‘Want to know about all the things bullies hate? Here are the most common things they despise.

Photos from Canva and Dreamstime

There are things bullies hate, and if you know what they are, you can use them to gain an advantage.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the most common things bullies hate so that you can weaponize them to defend yourself.

Once you learn all about this critical information, you will be better able to protect yourself the next time they come for you.

This post is all about the things bullies hate most, so that you can gain the advantage you need to ensure your safety.

Things Bullies Hate

Bullies have images to keep up. Therefore, they hate anything that pokes holes in their image. And they hate anyone who sees behind the facades. So, what are the things that might threaten their images of perfection?

1. Constructive Criticism

Bullies don’t take constructive criticism very well. They only react to it as if it is a personal attack. Constructive criticism is designed to help you, not harm you. However, bullies don’t see it that way.

Constructive criticism makes you better. In contrast, destructive criticism tears you down. Let’s give an example of constructive and destructive criticism.

Constructive:

“What you did was foolish.”

Destructive:

“You’re foolish.”

Constructive criticism attacks the deed. Destructive criticism attacks the person. However, bullies can’t tell the difference because they’re too wrapped up in themselves to notice.

Remember that bullies are highly egocentric. They must always be right about everything. Or, more appropriately, look as if they’re right about everything. Bullies have a knack for hiding beneath a veneer of total perfection.

They do this for several reasons.

It makes them look better than they really are.
The veneer of perfection can be used as protection from accountability and shield them from reproach.
It can be used to draw others to them and fool them.
It can be used as a weapon against their targets.
It gives them status and social capital.
It gives them the attention and admiration they seek.

Things Bullies Hate:

Bullies hate getting it, but they love giving it.

Bullies love criticizing you because it makes them look like they’re smarter than you. They will use the veil of constructive criticism to disparage others they deem inferior and unworthy.

They may tell you that they’re only giving you this criticism to help you. However, they’re doing it to show you and everyone else that they’re superior to you. A bully’s hypocrisy knows no bounds.

If a bully ever unfairly criticizes you, you must stand up to them. Tell them in no uncertain terms to mind their own affairs and go on about their business.

And if they keep it up, hit them with their own book of standards. You can always say something like:

“That sounds real good coming from someone who doesn’t practice what they preach. Now, get out of here and go on about your business.”

This is one comeback you can use. It’s straightforward and, even better, it’s blunt. It’s nothing fancy. You don’t have to get cute or witty with it. Just say what you mean, mean what you say, and say it in as few words as possible.

2. Rules

Bullies hate following rules. Remember that bullies have a grandiose sense of entitlement. Moreover, they crave power. And the more power they have, the more they want.

Therefore, they feel that rules don’t apply to them. In their minds, rules are for everyone else.

3. Things Bullies Hate:

Being Stood up to

Bullies despise it when you stand up to them. Why? Because you are challenging their perceived authority. Therefore, they will fight you tooth and nail to reinforce their power over you.

Realize that when you stand up to a bully, things usually get worse before they get better. This is because bullies aren’t used to you defending yourself. In fact, they aren’t used to anyone standing up to them.

This is because others usually kiss their ass and give them free rein.

Therefore, bullies grow quite comfortable with having carte blanche to ride roughshod over you any time they feel like it. And they don’t want those advantages to stop.

Therefore, they’ll fight even harder to keep getting those benefits, even if they do come at your expense.

You must get this through your head right now. Bullies do not care about how they’ve hurt you. They don’t care about how much you’ve suffered from their abuse. The only thing they care about is power and whether they can keep getting what they want from you.

So, they will increase the abuse, not only to punish you, but also to wear you down. Why? Because if they can make you too tired to keep fighting, then they keep the upper hand.

Therefore, they will fight harder to keep you down at first. What you must do is stay strong, no matter how exhausted you may become. And you must also fight harder. This means you have to fight harder than they do.

It’s the only way you will ever get them to leave you alone.

4. Things Bullies Hate:

You proving them wrong

When you prove a bully wrong, you show everyone else that they aren’t so perfect. This puts a dent in their image. Therefore, they’ll try to get back at you to repair it.

5. You outshining them

Upstage a bully, and you’ll get tons of flak for it. To your bullies, you are inferior, and they want you to stay that way.

If you make a significant accomplishment, this makes your bullies look less important. You naturally overshadow anything they’ve accomplished. And they’ll do everything possible to try to reduce you back down where they think you should be.

6. Things Bullies Hate:

Competition

Bullies hate competition. And they despise it especially when it’s you they must compete with. If someone they deem inferior outmatches them in any competition. Oooo! Talk about a blow to the bully’s ego. Ouch!

Understand that bullies see any successes or accomplishments you achieve as a threat to their superiority. Why? Because the bullies’ sense of self-worth is drawn from a sense of one-upmanship and winning over.

Therefore, if you make a huge accomplishment or win any award or prize, bullies will see it as competition with them. As a result, they will escalate the bullying to punish you for that success.

Bullies will get angry and say things like:

“You think you’re better than us!”
“You think you’re hot stuff!”
“You think you’re so f***ing cool, don’t you?”

I’ve come to realize that any time a bully makes any statement that begins with, “You think you’re…,” it usually means jealousy. And it means anger, or resentment aimed at you for a success or desirable quality that you have. Always!

Understand that those three little words can say so much.

7. Taking Orders

Remember that bullies are primarily concerned with exerting power. Therefore, they despise taking orders. Why? Because to take orders means that they must be in a position of inferiority.

Bullies have an attitude of superiority. They don’t follow orders; they give them.

8. Things Bullies Hate:

Someone treating them the way they treat their victims

Bullies are notorious for expecting you to be okay with treatment that they would never be OK with. In their minds, it’s OK for them to treat others with disrespect.

However, when you kick the shit back their way, they become outraged. This is because bullies think that they’re exempt from having to suffer negative treatment.

Bullies think that they’re entitled to respect and admiration. And they become quite angry if you don’t give it to them. Moreover, they may even retaliate vengefully if they feel you aren’t giving them the recognition they think they deserve.

Therefore, see them for who they are… a bunch of smug, self-important turds who think the world should bow before them. Instead of kissing up to them, give them the treatment they give you. Regard them with indifference and dismissal.

9. Being ignored.

I’ve met many bullies who despised being ignored, even if they were acting like total jackasses. Realize that bullies crave attention, and they will do anything to get it.

They want to be the center of attention. “All eyes on me! Look at me! I’m special!”

Therefore, the best thing to do with them is to give them the attention they don’t want. And that is to stand up to them and tell them to get a life. Also, you can give them a dismissive look and walk away.

Things Bullies Hate:

In Closing

Bullies hate anything that doesn’t focus on them. Therefore, the worst you can do to them is dismiss them and keep going about your business. Sometimes, you must give bullies a dose of their own medicine to keep your self-esteem intact.

If you know what your bullies hate most, you can leverage it.

This post was all about the things bullies hate so that you can use them to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

2. What Bullies Hate Most: 9 Things Bullies Despise