Author: Cherie White

make your enemy your friend quotes

Make Your Enemy Your Friend: How I Did It and How You Can Too

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l ‘Want to know how to make your enemy your friend? Here are ways you can do so and how rewarding it can be.

make your enemy your friend

Turning your enemy into a friend is the best way to defeat them.

In this post, you will learn exactly how to make your enemy your friend by learning the ways to do it successfully.

Once you learn all about these important and life-changing steps, you will be a force to be reckoned with. Only, you’ll use love and kindness as that force.

This post is all about how to make your enemy your friend so that you can not only create one of the best kinds of friendships, but also vanquish an enemy in the sneakiest but kindest of ways.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend

Even though I try to make all my posts all about you, the reader, I would like to tell you a personal story. Not to make it about me, but to inspire you and give you hope, especially if you’re a victim of bullying.

Therefore, I want you to know that what I’m about to share with you is for your benefit. Before we go on, know that this may not work for everyone because every situation is different. However, it worked for me, so there’s a strong chance that it’ll work for you too.

Here’s how I turned one of my fiercest enemies into one of my best friends.

Shelly (not her real name) had been one of my most vicious bullies during school. Every time we passed one another in the halls, at a ballgame, anywhere, we would not hesitate to exchange nasty sentiments as we passed each other.

Typical kid bullies.

Therefore, names like “Bitch!”, “Whore!” “Skank!” was always our go-to insult. Thinking up ways to degrade and slut-shame each other was always a top priority during these little meetings.

Fast-forward twenty years: in late 2007, I went to a karaoke show at the Moose Lodge club on the outskirts of town. Moreover, I wanted to celebrate having the courage to break off what had been a 2 1/2 year-long abusive relationship, and I was ready for a fun girls’ night out.

When I arrived at the Moose Lodge with a few friends in tow, the first word I heard was, “Oh my God! Not that bitch!” Honestly, I thought the verbal assault was directed at someone else until I looked up and saw her.

There Shelly stood, pool cue in one hand, the other hand resting on her boyfriend’s back as her eyes and brows narrowed into little slits in her face and bore into me like a sharp object.

Make your enemy your friend:

running into an old school bully as an adult.

I had not seen her in about twenty years. And I’d wondered how she’d dragged around so much hate for so long.

I had completely forgotten about her amid juggling bills, a job, family, and other adult priorities. But I also discovered that maybe I, too, had some unresolved hate. Only it was a case of out of sight, out of mind.

I’d soon learn that Shelly was at the lowest point of her life that night. Life hadn’t been kind to her. She had been through some things. And even though she seemed to still hate me, all I could feel was bad for her.

It seemed that on her part, even twenty years, marriages and children hadn’t been enough to erase the teenage animosity she still held. We lived in a small Southern town.

And in small Southern towns, very few people ever forget the past. Therefore, it’s easy for your old reputation to follow you for the rest of your life. Sadly, this is how it is in any small town.

Having always loved music and had vocal talent, I got up and sang one of my favorite songs. Everyone cheered once I was finished.

From Bullies to Buddies

After I sat down, Shelly sat down beside me and was very impressed with my performance. She told me that she admired my voice. She said that she’d always known I could sing, but didn’t know I was that good.

At first, I was flabbergasted. This was the first positive remark I’d heard from her. Nevertheless, I was grateful. I smiled and gave her a gracious “Thank you. It’s good to see you again after all these years.”

We continued talking, and she took some pictures from her purse to show me. Pictures of what was her talent- woodwork and paintings, the most beautiful work I’d ever seen.

This lady was very talented, and I couldn’t or wouldn’t deny it. I truly loved her work and could not stop looking at those pictures and complimenting her. She truly was an expert at woodworking and oil painting.

It was at that point that the dynamics of our relationship changed. We exchanged phone numbers and began calling each other. We also texted cute little funnies back and forth.

Her boyfriend, Duane, was also a former bully who became one of my dearest friends. And we remain friends today.

He and Shelly had run into each other when she was grieving her late husband. And he was there for her during the toughest time in her life.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend:

Apologies Made

During one phone call, Shelly told me something I’d never forget. She said, “Cherie, do you remember how badly I treated you at the club?”

“Yes,” I said.

Shelly went on.

“I want to apologize for that. You see? I was in a bad place that night. I had been through hell for the last few years. My husband died from cancer, and then I started self-medicating. I had just quit doing that, and the withdrawals were hell. I didn’t like myself very well. Even in high school, I didn’t like myself, and I took it out on you and anyone else I didn’t like. I was hurting. And I just want to say that I’m truly sorry.”

Right then, I could only feel compassion for her. So, I said, “I forgive you, honey.”

I then apologized to her.

“I’m sorry too, Shelly. There were times I could’ve acted better, too.”

From there, our friendship took off. We began inviting each other to family outings, cookouts, and lunch meetings in town.

And We became like sisters.

We soon became the best of friends. And I grew to love this lady like a sister.  We often talked about how we missed out on what could have been a wonderful friendship years ago.

“Boy! We were stupid back then, weren’t we?” Shelly would laugh, “If we’d given each other a chance in school, we could’ve had so much fun together.”

I laughed and readily agreed. She was right. We were dumb kids with big mouths and bad attitudes.

The past couldn’t be changed. But we could start over. We could go from there and make our friendship as fun as possible. And that’s what we did.

These years were awesome! We continued to have coffee meetings and lunch get-togethers. Cookouts. Shindigs. Visits back and forth.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend:

Being There for Each Other.

It’s funny how we grow through the years. In high school, I thought she was so cruel yet totally in control and didn’t need anyone.  But she was really a girl who didn’t feel loved by anyone.

She was just as sad as I was, but had put on a tough exterior. Also, she had suffered incidents of bullying herself; though not as severe as I did, it still hurt her years later.

She was there for me when I lost my last husband to suicide. And I visited her in the hospital when she got sick.

I remember getting the call on my cellphone on the way to work. I pulled the car over, and before I could answer the phone, the ringing stopped.

So I called the number back, and it was our mutual friend, Debbie. She called to inform me that, sadly, Shelly had passed away in the wee hours that morning.

friends for a decade

Our friendship on earth had lasted exactly ten years. We became friends in late 2007. And she died in late 2017.  (Here is where I begin crying and take a few minutes break from writing this post.)

Ten years is much shorter than we think. The ten years with Shelly as my friend were wonderful. But they went by too fast.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I’ll never forget that night at the karaoke club, the night Shelly and I became close friends. And we remained like sisters until the day she died.

By showing her genuine interest, I was able to turn one of the most resistant bullies into one of my best friends. And I’m so thankful for the time I got to spend with her.

I’m also grateful that I got to see the beautiful person behind the mean exterior. Shelly was a lady hiding a lot of past hurts and brokenness! And I miss her, I miss her so much.

Fly high, Shelly! Until we meet again on those golden streets! I miss you so much.

Make Your Enemy Your Friend:

In conclusion

The moral of this story is this.

You can turn a bully into a friend. Nothing is impossible. All it takes is to break down that wall by showing the other person genuine interest.

Everybody loves it when you are interested in them. This goes for even the coldest and meanest of people.

As humans, we all have a certain degree of selfishness. We all want the same things- to be loved, appreciated, and respected. Everybody has a void waiting to be filled.

If we can fill the void by making the person feel loved, it can be the difference between gaining a friend and keeping an enemy.

In Loving Memory:

🌹 Stephanie Rains Shoemake 🌹

(1971 – 2017)

This post was all about how to make your enemy your friend. It is also a Story of hope and to honor a friend.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Turn a Bully into a Buddy 

how to handle bullies as an adult

How to Handle Bullies

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Want to know how to handle bullies the right way? Here are the tips you need to know.

how to handle bullies

Bullies have ways of distorting the way you see yourself. Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to handle bullies to protect your self-esteem and even your physical health.

Once you learn all these important life lessons, you will be able to stand up to bullying with confidence.

This post is all about how to handle bullies so that you can protect your mental health and your peace from people who wish to disrupt them.

How to Handle Bullies

All through life, you will encounter negative and downright toxic people. You meet these mouth-breathers at school, work, the neighborhood, or (gasp) in the family.

However, you have control over how they make you feel.

Don’t let bad eggs make you feel rotten.

Bullies are everywhere, and they come in all flavors. These kinds of people always seem to take the energy out of the room. And they suck the oxygen out of those around them.

They’re annoying, obnoxious, and, in some cases, downright intimidating. These are people who make you feel uncomfortable, terrible about yourself, and worst of all, unstable.

Those who make you feel bad are usually the angry, jealous, and resentful type. They put on a good act and talk a good game. However, the proof is in how they treat you.

The way to handle these bullies is to understand where the behavior comes from and not let it get to you.

Realize that they will search for anything about you that they can use against you. They will even turn your good and positive qualities against you and make them seem bad.

How to Handle Bullies:

Twisting your good qualities into bad

For instance, let’s say that you’re generally a happy person who likes to laugh and have a good time. Bullies will say that you’re fake and that your laughter is fake.

But realize that bullies only see from their own worldview. They may be telling you this because they’re not happy.

If you have talents and gifts and like to display them, they’ll accuse you of showing off. But they may be saying these things because they’re jealous of your talent.

If you’ve made an accomplishment or reached any success, these killjoys will trivialize it. They may say that anyone could have made the success you made.

Again, they only envy you. Realize that there’s nothing wrong with you; there’s something wrong with them.

It’s not about you; it’s about them.

If you won an award, they’ll claim that you got the award only because you either knew people in high places. They may even accuse you of kissing up to one of the judges.

If you have a loving spouse and family, bullies will go out of their way to find something wrong with that. If you have a little bit of money, they’ll claim you didn’t work for it. Or they’ll claim you obtained it either illegally or unjustly.

They will also bully and abuse you, give you a hard time, if you have something that they want but can’t have. It could be that you have things just a little bit easier than they do.

It’s as if they’re trying to punish you because they think you have it so good.

How to Handle Bullies:

Don’t let it get you down.

But don’t let it get to you because that’s what they want. You must realize that they have a problem. And it’s not your job to fix it for them.

Their behavior says everything about them and zero about you. Your bullies have serious mental issues, and they need help.

Their behavior is proof that they feel insecure about something in their own lives. And they want to drag you down in the gutter with them.

When others are brutal to us, our first instinct is to blame ourselves. We try to figure out what’s wrong and then fix it. But realize that there’s no need to fix what isn’t broken. And you’re not the one with the issue.

You must reframe their behavior.

Instead, realize that it’s them and not you. It’s the only way to feel better about yourself. And you might find yourself feeling sorry for them instead of hating them for the way they treat you.

And believe me, most people with any pride would much rather be hated than pitied.

Bullies will care less about your anger and hate toward them. But they’ll resent and even loathe it when you pity them. There’s dignity in being hated but none in being pitied.

So, how do you handle bullies? Here’s a list of tips.

How to Handle Bullies:

1. Know who you are.

The more you know yourself, the less bullying will faze you.

When you know yourself inside and out, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, to define you.

Moreover, you can easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

Knowing yourself means knowing your worth. It also means having a strong set of principles and values.

When you know yourself, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. No one can take away your value; it’s just there.

2. Stop caring what others think.

Caring what others think makes for a life of mental slavery. Wouldn’t you rather have the delicious freedom to just do and be what you want?

You must realize that some people’s opinions don’t matter. The value you give to anyone’s opinion depends on your relationship with them.

In other words, you place the most value on the opinions of those who love and care for you the most. Therefore, you ignore the opinions of those who abuse you. They don’t matter.

How to Handle Bullies:

3. Have your own set of principles.

Hold onto your standards. Moreover, stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. And do it boldly and confidently.

Don’t be afraid to think critically. In short, have the courage to be different.

This is how you protect your mind from bullies. Your mind and your thoughts are free! Keep them that way!

4. Set boundaries.

Most bullies prefer to target low-hanging fruit; in other words, they’re so cowardly that they choose easy targets.

Easy targets for bullies are those with low self-esteem and those who are insecure with themselves. Those who don’t set boundaries are easily intimidated.

Therefore, these victims don’t stand up to them.

But when you stand up to bullies, you show confidence. Most bullies can sense your confidence, and it only intimidates them. Moreover, you’ll be surprised at the amazing results.

They know that the confident ones are least likely to take any crap off them. So, they’re least likely to target them. They’ll move on to an easier target.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. How you set boundaries is to say no. And when some creep tries to get in your face, talk down to you, or physically attack you, you’ll defend yourself.

Be clear with what you will and will not put up with. And know without a doubt that you deserve better. Give respect to others. However, expect the same in return.

How to Handle Bullies:

5. Enforce boundaries.

Setting boundaries isn’t enough. Sometimes, you must enforce those boundaries.

Enforcing boundaries means following through on what you say you’ll do if someone crosses the line. If bullies know you’ll punch them back if they put their hands on you, they won’t do it.

And if they expect you to deliver a good burn if they verbally attack you, they’ll think twice. Therefore, if some punk crosses you, make them regret it.

6. Stay calm

When bullies insult you, they’re looking for an emotional reaction from you. Most bullies get their kicks out of making you angry or making you cry.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Remain calm and respond intelligently.

How to Handle Bullies:

7. Don’t explain anything.

Bullies will often try to trick you into giving them needless explanations. This is a trap because, no matter how much you explain things to them, they will only pretend not to get it.

And why not? These people want to hurt you. Therefore, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

You must recognize that those who are toxic do this intentionally. One reason they challenge your explanations is to prompt you to provide more. Why? To throw you off-balance and keep you interacting with them.

They also do it to gather information they can use against you later. Realize that they really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one. They only pretend to want it.

Besides, you don’t owe them a doggone thing. And that includes an explanation.

8. Don’t rush to defend yourself from rumors.

Understand that you don’t have to clear up any rumors. And you don’t have to care what they “heard.”

“I heard this,” and “I heard that!” Please! Give me a break! Save the drama for your mama!

That’s exactly what you tell them. Let them talk, and let the way you live your life dispel the rumors. Moreover, watch and see who believes them. Those who do are the people you need to cut ties with.

How to Handle Bullies:

In conclusion

When you handle bullies calmly and powerfully, you steal their thunder. More importantly, you refuse to be a victim of their petty games.

There are even good ways to handle them when they give you the silent treatment.

When you deal with bullying the right way, you force them to go search for another target and leave you alone. Then, you get to be yourself and live in peace. And there’s nothing better than that!

This post was all about how to handle bullies so that you can continue to live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

2. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know  

3. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

4. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

5. What Happens When You Set Boundaries: 7 Amazing Outcomes 

the bullying of independent thinkers in school

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers

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‘Want to know all about the bullying of independent thinkers and why people target them? If you are an independent thinker, this post is for you. And it should make you feel better about yourself.

the bullying of independent thinkers

So, you have the gall to think for yourself. Make no mistake! People will hate you. They will demonize you. Others will consider you a troublemaker, a rabble rouser, a riffraff! People will deem you a person who’s “mentally imbalanced.”

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the bullying of independent thinkers and why bullies target them.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be able to see behind the behavior and feel good about yourself if you are one of those rare independent thinkers.

This post is all about the bullying of independent thinkers so that you can understand where the behavior comes from.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers

Thinking for yourself is such sweet freedom. Yet, most people have always been afraid to do it. Why? Because it’s much safer to follow the leader.

Safety and comfort always come with doing as you’re told without question and without even thinking about it. Therefore, most choose to take the easy path.

They follow the lead of a person in power. And they’ll do it, even if the person “in charge” hasn’t the slightest idea of what they’re talking about.

Moreover, they’ll comply, even when there’s evidence that “the leader” is leading them to their own demise!

The Human Tendency to obey.

Again, most automatically take orders from someone deemed superior. And they don’t stop to ask themselves what the one giving the orders has to gain from their compliance.

The reason they do this is that they fear becoming an outcast. There’s an old saying that people are less afraid of death than they are of ostracization.

I can understand the fear of bullying and ostracization. No one wants to be ousted from “the social club.” Humans are hardwired to be social animals.

Living as part of a group was how we survived in prehistoric times.  Whereas, anyone who wasn’t a part of one risked starvation and extinction.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

Trusting your gut.

However, it’s easier for the shunned to survive today. And I’d much rather have my freedom. Freedom requires the ability to think independently, despite what others may think of us.

When you think for yourself, you step out of your comfort zone. Also, you open up unlimited possibilities for yourself.

Thinking for yourself means trusting your gut and following your instincts. It means knowing that your gut will always tell you when something doesn’t sound or feel right.

those who think independently will catch a lot of hate.

There’s a reason others don’t like someone who thinks independently. It’s that they’re least likely to be controlled. They won’t fall for any tricks or manipulation.

The person who thinks for himself will see right through smoke screens. Also, independent thinkers know themselves well. They listen to their gut instincts.

And they refuse to engage in anything that feels unhealthy or dangerous.

Sadly, we live in a culture that demands we deny our God-given sixth sense. It’s easier to let others pressure us into denying our instincts and following along.

Bullies in power demand that we deny our own human rights. They send the unwritten message that we have no right to defend ourselves or our families. They claim that we should put them first and ourselves last.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

Power Corrupts

Therefore, they use influential people to persuade us to do their bidding. They pay Hollywood celebrities, sports figures, and media personalities to brainwash us.

On the other hand, individuality is strongly discouraged. Sometimes, they even punish it. They also discourage creativity, originality, and meritocracy.

Simply put, bullies in power demand that we think the way they want us to think. And sadly, they successfully hoodwink a good chunk of the population.

Most people think that, just because those giving the narrative have power and influence, they’re smarter. And that they “only want what’s best for us and the rest of humanity.”

However, no one can know what is best for you but you. And you alone.

Power corrupts. 

These so-called leaders are not gods. They are human, just like the rest of us. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like we do.

And they are just as capable of error.

We must realize that power corrupts. It takes a special person not to be corrupted by power. Moreover, we must understand that the majority of those in power do not have our best interests at heart.

They’re only out to use us to fulfill their own end goals. And once we’ve served our purpose, and they no longer need us, they will discard us like dirty diapers.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

The masks bullies don.

Corrupt people in power often use beautiful-sounding words and phrases. “For the greater good” is the most common.  “For the betterment of humanity” is another one they love to use.

They portray themselves as the saviors of humanity. Many claim to be warriors and champions for social justice. However, their leaders work behind the scenes to destroy the very groups they claim to care about.

In short, they hide their evil intentions behind the veneer of love and goodwill.

Remember that Satan never appears as an ugly red devil with horns and a pointy tail. He appears as an angel of light.

He often comes as our biggest dream come true. It could be the man or woman of our dreams. Or he’ll appear as a sweetheart of a deal that’s hard to refuse.

Therefore, we should focus on their actions and not their words. Look at their past behavior. Why? Because past behavior predicts future behavior.

Independent thinkers have good instincts.

Thinking for yourself comes with sacrifice. You will endure a truckload of hatred, even from those you think are friends and allies. But trust that it will all be worth it in the end.

Independence is something bullies, authoritarians, and despots despise. They will hate you because you refuse to blindly obey those who think they know more than you.

Bullies despise anyone who questions authority. Independent thinkers always ask themselves, “If we follow along, what’s in it for them?”

They aren’t too lazy to read the fine print.  And they don’t mind doing their research to find the truth. Moreover, they’re good at reading between the lines.

They have an ear for subtext and context. And they have an eye for non-verbal communication. They use it to probe for incongruousness.

If something feels “off,” they’re automatically suspicious of it. Moreover, they know that 2+2=4, not 5! Independent thinkers know when someone is trying to manipulate them.

In fact, they have a radar for manipulation.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

People who think for THEMSELVES aren’t afraid to be different.

They do things differently and make it a point to live life on their own terms, not someone else’s. Therefore, they’re willing to take whatever comes with it.

They refuse to be controlled by feckless fools who are drunk with power. And they know that power corrupts because they’ve been victims of it. Therefore, they won’t be ruled by fear.

Consequently, others may despise them for it. Why? Because everyone else is trained to follow. Those who think for themselves often hear these reactions.

  • “How dare you?”
  • “You dare to question me?”
  • “Do you think that you can live your life your way?”
  • “Who do you think you are?”
  • “We’re the experts! Not you!”
  • “We have the degrees and credentials! Not you!”

Oh, the nerve! The audacity! The chutzpah!

Independent thinkers Don’t Mind Rocking the Boat!

When they see that it’s all to the leaders’ benefit, they’re not afraid to give the rule-makers a proverbial middle finger. Independent thinkers may not say it, but they show it in their quiet refusal to go along.

And they do it by simply continuing to live the way they want.

Bullies hate them because they don’t walk lightly. Those who think for themselves are not afraid to make waves. They don’t mind going against the grain if they suspect that “the rules” might harm them.

Why? Because they cherish freedom and self-determination. And they’ll die before they give them up.

Only they choose their destinies. And only they can define their inner realities. Nobody else is privy to these things.

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

A Blessing and Curse

If you think for yourself, you have a gift that few others have. You have a sharp BS detector. You’re able to see through others’ fakery.

And with this gift, you can more easily avoid the traps bullies set up. However, having this gift can be a curse.

Although empowering, it can also be an excruciating and alienating journey. It can be lonely, confusing, and frightening. You often struggle as you try to process the insanity around you.

This is the reality no one talks about. The darkness that accompanies having this kind of sight. In fact, you may grieve what you thought, for so many years, was the truth.

The realization that everything you believed turned out to be lies is, perhaps, the most difficult pill to swallow.

The Truth Hurts

Having your illusions shattered is never an enjoyable experience. However, with growth comes pain and discomfort, and it doesn’t stop there.

With these newfound revelations, you will often find yourself grieving again. You’ll grieve the loss of relationships with people you thought were friends.

You’ll feel alone. And you’ll be ridiculed not only by acquaintances and passers by but sometimes by friends and family. You’ll realize that you never had as much in common with those you care about as you thought.

When you’re wise to bullshit, people will judge and ridicule you. Why? because they either don’t see what you do or they do, but choose to live in denial. Or, maybe they’re too chicken to call it out.

Therefore, you might grieve the loss of your own ignorance. Ignorance is bliss, and reality is harsh. You might find yourself wishing that you were still as ignorant as they are because, if you were, you’d still fit in.

Having the sense to see through all the smoke screens can be a lonely road to travel. There’s no sugarcoating it. Wising up to the realities of the world around you can be brutal!

The Bullying of Independent Thinkers:

In conclusion

I’ve lost many people I thought were friends. However, I still consider myself one of the lucky few. Why? Because most of my family and my small circle of true friends get it. And they get me.

Like me, they know themselves, and they listen to their gut. They also avoid negative people and believe in the right to self-preservation. Therefore, they support me.

However, many of you aren’t so lucky. You’re struggling with feeling disconnected from your family and friends, and it’s as though they exist in another world.

Just know that you’re not alone. Not only are you not alone, but you also have an entire group standing behind you. We may be separated by miles, but we’re deeply connected in both purpose and spirit

So, hold on to your faith. Hold on to the truth and stand on it. Continue to be yourself and to press forward. Know that we’re here and we’ve got you! Most importantly, know that God’s here and He’s got you!

This post is all about the bullying of independent thinkers so that, if  you fall into this category, you won’t lose faith. Hang in there.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2.  Self-Preservation Instinct: Defending Yourself from Bullies is Okay!

3. People with Negative Energy: How to Protect Yourself from Them

4. Your Gut Feeling: Reasons It Can Save You from Bullying

5. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

anti-bullying policies in schools

Anti-Bullying Policies: 7 Reasons They Don’t Work.

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‘Want to know the truth about anti-bullying policies? Here are the reasons they don’t work and why your safety is on you.

anti-bullying policies

Anti-bullying policies aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. And it’s because they have no teeth.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the truth about these policies so that if you’re a victim of bullying, you’ll know the truth. Then you can take steps to protect yourself.

Once you discover this hard truth, you will be able to take responsibility for your safety and stand up to bullying wisely.

This post will give you the truth about anti-bullying politics so that you won’t rely too much on them to save you from bullying. Then you can take your own steps to protect yourself.

Anti-Bullying Policies

Many schools and workplaces have policies against bullying. However, unless they enforce those policies, they might as well have none at all.

Here are the reasons that anti-bullying policies rarely work.

1. Schools and workplaces develop these policies just to look good.

Most institutions today have policies against bullying. However, it’s only because they’re required by the government. These guidelines are only for decoration.

In fact, these entities have had anti-bullying policies for at least a decade. Yet, cases of bullying continue to rise exponentially. Moreover, schools and workplaces continue to ignore bullying.

Schools sweep incidents under the rug and refuse to allow victims’ parents to see any surveillance footage of bullying attacks.

Also, schools sometimes blame the victim and take revenge against parents who fight for their child. Therefore, the only reason these policies exist is to make the institution look good.

2. People in authority don’t enforce them.

Again, authority figures rarely enforce these policies. Remember that authority usually sides with power.

In other words, teachers and school staff may take the bully’s side because the bully has more power. Workplaces do the same thing.

They think it’s easier to turn their heads and blame victims for the abuse they suffer. Realize that it isn’t about protecting victims. It’s about making the problem go away.

And how they make the problem go away is by silencing victims. This is wrong.

Anti-Bullying Policies:

3. Preferential treatment

In many cases, authority members and peers favor the bullies. Here’s why.

  • Bullies kiss the right butts.
  • The bullies are high performers and scholars
  • They know people in high places
  • Bullies are convincing liars
  • The bullies are wordsmiths
  • They’re good at projecting
  • They’re charming
  • The bullies have lots of friends who love them
  • There’s strength in numbers
  • They’re good at gaslighting
  • They destroy your reputation
  • They appeal to the self-interests of the school or workplace
  • The bullies are good at victim-blaming
  • They have close relationships with people in power
  • They fake compassion
  • The bullies are in positions of power

Therefore, they may not face accountability. If anything, those in authority will blame you. And they’ll get away with it.

4. Bullies can easily get intel from them.

There are many positives to bullying and suicide awareness. One is that more and more people are realizing that bullying is not “just a normal rite of passage.”

In fact, most today realize that it is not “just a part of growing up.”

People have awakened. They now know that bullying is a health hazard. It is also a threat to human life. And it always has been.

There is a wealth of knowledge, resources, and programs readily available to targets and their families. We have a treasure trove of articles, books, and videos on how victims can bully-proof themselves.

Therefore, we have made lots of progress. However, there’s one thing that most of us haven’t considered.

Anti-Bullying Policies:

5. Bullies also have access to this information!

Sure, the information is meant to help and empower victims. However, bullies can use it as counterintelligence. Therefore, they can turn it against their targets.

And they can do it by using the information to tailor any future attacks.

6. Bullies can weaponize suicide awareness.

Bullying has been shown to cause suicide. This is a good thing. However, there is a drastic uptick in cases where bullies have told their victims to “kill themselves”.

A few have even talked them into it.

Remember that the most talented bullies are cowards at heart. But they’re also smart. They inflict their abuse on the down-low.

Moreover, they are meticulous, and worst of all, patient! They will not risk being caught. Anti-bullying policies do not address these details.

All they do is gloss over the subject.

7. Zero-tolerance policies harm victims more than bullies.

The vagueness of zero-tolerance policies cannot be understated. They may be there to keep bullies from physically attacking you. But they also prevent you from defending yourself.

Only they don’t tell you specifically. Zero tolerance ends up harming victims instead of protecting them. Why?

Because they don’t consider context or individual circumstances. Therefore, because these policies are so rigid, they don’t only punish bullies for physically attacking you. They also punish you for defending yourself.

For example, you’re sitting in class when the girl behind you pulls your hair. She has done this for months. You’ve tried to ignore it, hoping that she’ll get bored and stop.

However, she doesn’t. The girl only continues pulling your hair every day. Finally, you get fed up with being mistreated.

Unable to tolerate any more abuse, you turn around and punch the bully in the face. Conveniently, the teacher doesn’t see what the other girl did to you.

However, she sees you turn around and punch her in the nose. So, she punishes you without even considering what the other girl did to provoke you.

This happens all the time. And it’s why victims get blamed. It’s also why you should trust anti-bullying policies.

In Conclusion

This is why you should defend yourself from bullies. It’s your right. And it’s completely okay to do so. If someone physically attacks you, hit back.

If they verbally bully, fire off a comeback. And if they give you a dirty look, return the gesture. Also, if they exclude you, be okay with it. Do you really want anything to do with someone who mistreats you?

Standing up to bullying is your responsibility. No one else’s. And you shouldn’t rely on the school or HR to help you if you find yourself in the crosshairs of a bully.

This post is all about the ineffectiveness of anti-bullying policies so that you’ll know not to rely TOO much on them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. Life Lessons from Bullying: 16 Powerful Takeaways to Remember

4. Suicide from Bullying: 3 Must-Know Facts

funny quotes about bullies

Quotes About Bullies that Help You Feel Good About Yourself

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Are you enduring bullying by classmates, coworkers, neighbors, or even family? Here are 15 quotes about bullies you must read and remember.

quotes about bullies

Bullies can rip your confidence and self-esteem to pieces.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn quotes about bullies you can read to feel better about yourself.

Once you read these quotes, your self-esteem will get a boost, and you’ll feel more confident. Just know that you’re better off than your bullies ever will be.

This post will give you several quotes about bullies so you can feel better, knowing that their behavior is about them, not you.

Quotes about bullies

Bullying crushes your self-esteem and your spirit. But it doesn’t have to. I can’t stress this enough. If you are bullied, it’s not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.

Here are quotes on bullies and bullying that make you feel better once you read them.

1. “You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.”

– Jeffrey Benjamin –

Really think about this quote for a minute. Bullies can’t rise on their own. Therefore, they must make you feel bad to feel good about themselves.

‘You see? When bullies have a foot on your neck, they can’t go anywhere either. They’d have to move their foot first. So, when they try to hold you back, they end up holding themselves back too. It’s funny how that works.

Moreover, it’s up to you whether to let them drag you down. Don’t make it easy for them. Make them work at it and ensure that they fail.

You do this by continuing to be yourself. You also win by believing in yourself in spite of what they tell you. Moreover, you do it when you keep working on your goals and pursuing your dreams.

Quotes about Bullies:

2. “If people throw stones at you, pick them up and build something.”

– Lecrae –

This quote is so empowering. It’s one of my favorites! When you live by this, you turn pain into power. You also turn failure into fierceness.

For instance, if people bully you, you can learn many life lessons from it. Moreover, you can write books and teach others what you have learned to help them overcome bullying.

Or, you can write music to help people. You can also start an organization that helps other victims of bullying.

Whatever your shtick is, use it to help others who are struggling with bullying like you once did.

3. “Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.”

– Anonymous –

Bullies may think it does. And it might for the moment, but superficial rewards are always temporary. They wear off quickly. Then, the next thing you know, your bullies always come back for more.

True power comes from within. It comes from hard work. It also comes from your own personal accomplishments. Most bullies don’t know how to succeed at anything. Therefore, they bully you to make themselves look better than what they are.

Quote about Bullies:

4. “If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them.”

– Unknown –

This makes perfect sense. Why? Because if you’re already down, your bullies don’t have to work as hard to keep you there.

If you’re a victim of bullying, have you noticed that the moment you become confident, the bullying always gets worse? Even your so-called friends may dig at you. I say this because it happened to me years ago.

Your self-belief threatens them. Therefore, they must work twice as hard to bring you back down to their level.

So, don’t make it easy for them. Continue to make them work.

5. “You never look good trying to make someone else feel bad.”

– Unknown –

That’s the truth. If bullies are trying so hard to tear you down, it’s their issue, not yours. Think about it. They’re not happy people.

Only those who are miserable try to tear you down. Therefore, their behavior says everything about them.

And bystanders notice that. They just don’t admit it because they’re scared of becoming the next targets.

Quotes about Bullies:

6. “Ignore the people who are always talking behind your back. That’s where they belong, behind you.”

– Unknown –

These are some of the truest words ever written. Most people who talk behind your back are cowards.

They don’t have the guts to say it to your face. Why? Because they’re afraid you might tell them where they can stick it.

Only those who are insecure gossip and spread rumors. And the fact that you don’t have to resort to this kind of behavior means that you’re already ahead.

Take comfort in that.

7. “Loud is not strong and quiet is not weak.”

– Unknown –

Have you noticed that bullies love to pick on the quiet ones? And have you noticed that bullies are usually loud and obnoxious?

Bullies may pick on the silent ones because they think they’re weak. Sometimes that’s true. However, it goes much deeper.

The quiet ones intimidate bullies.

“Watch out for the quiet ones” isn’t just a saying. It rings true. Quiet people are unpredictable. And that scares bullies.

Therefore, they target them the most to get them to react. This is how bullies study you and predict what you’ll do next.

Quotes about Bullies:

People who are loud crave attention.

Here’s another thought. Those who are the loudest do it to show off. They want everyone to notice them. It’s quite pathetic when you really think about it.

Loud is boastful. Quiet is modest.

Bullies are desperate for approval. And they get admiration from only those who want to be like them.

Therefore, loudness only shows weakness. Silence, on the other hand, shows strength.

8. “Don’t listen if someone says you aren’t good enough.”

– Unknown –

This is great advice. It’s your responsibility not to let others make you feel bad. In other words, you don’t have to believe them. Therefore, you must reframe everything bullies tell you.

It’s not that you aren’t good enough for them. It’s that they aren’t good enough for you.

Quotes about Bullies:

9. “Courage is fire and bullying is smoke.”

– Benjamin Disraeli –

Mr. Disraeli is absolutely right. ‘You see? Bullies are cowards. Moreover, they’re impostors. They put on a huge front to impress others.

Bullies act tough. And they make it seem as if they have boatloads of money. They make themselves look invincible. However, if you look more closely, you’ll see through the facade.

A bully’s worst fear is exposure. Therefore, it’s up to you to make that fear come true.

True courage doesn’t bully; it stands up to bullying.

10. “Bullying is a horrible thing. It sticks with you forever. It poisons you. But only if you let it.”

– Heather Brewer – 

This quote is another favorite of mine. And it’s one I believe in.

It’s your responsibility to protect your self-esteem from bullying. Never allow bullies to take away your confidence. Instead, reframe everything they tell you.

Bullies often project their own shortcomings onto you. They accuse you of the very things they do. Therefore, you must see through the behavior and call it out.

It’s the only way you’ll save your self-esteem.

Also, stand up to them. Never ignore them. Have a few comebacks ready for verbal bullies. And if a physical bully hits you, it’s okay to hit them back.

11. “Bullying is not a reflection of the victim’s character, but rather a sign of the bully’s lack of character.”

– Unknown –

Their behavior isn’t about you, it’s about them. Happy people don’t go around trying to make others’ lives miserable.

Misery loves company. And it’s the only reason bullies have victims. They need someone else to feel just as bad as they do. Therefore, it only highlights their own lack of character.

Quotes about Bullies:

12. “To be a friend of a bully so they won’t bully you too gives you a false friend who doesn’t value you or your friendship.”

– Ty Howard –

How true this is. Most bullies don’t have friends; they have followers. Bullies need their groupies to back them up and do their dirty work for them.

And once their followers have served their purpose, the bully quietly discards them.

Therefore, the next time a bully recruits others to mistreat you, know that they’re only tools. They’re being used to make the bully look well-liked.

13. “People who love themselves don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.”

– Dan Pearce – 

Again, happy people don’t go around trying to make others’ lives miserable. They don’t have to. When someone is truly happy, they want to see others happy too.

14. “Life is a fight, but not everyone is a fighter. Otherwise, Bullies would be an endangered species.”

– Andrew Vachs – 

So true! Remember that bullies select their victims very carefully. They only go after those they think won’t fight back. The favorite victims of bullies are those with low self-esteem.

If everyone fought back, bullies wouldn’t exist.

Quotes about Bullies:

15. “You’ll miss the best things in life if you allow a bully to scare and force you to hide and live inside yourself.”

– Ty Howard –

Believe it or not, bullies can discourage you from doing many things you’d like to do. For instance, if you love to sing, you might want to enter a talent show.

However, your bully has you convinced that you’ll lose. Moreover, you’re scared that people may boo you off the stage. So you decide not to risk it.

Life is full of risks. And if you don’t try, you’ll never know what the results will be. There are many people who let fear stand in their way. These are those who would otherwise find success.

So, let this quote encourage you to face your fear and do it anyway.

This post gave you quotes about bullies so that they may encourage you to take back your power and your freedom.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

2. Why Bullies Target Quiet People: 11 Must-Know Reasons

3. Character vs Reputation: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Smear You

4. Who are Usually the Victims of Bullying? 11 Traits of Bully Targets

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

how to deal with workplace bullies reddit

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies: 9 Ways to Outflank Them

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Want to know how to deal with workplace bullies? Here is everything you need to know to keep yourself safe from predators on the job.

how to deal with workplace bullies

Workplaces are rife with bullies. If you have run that rat race long enough, you’ve probably ended up in the crosshairs of workplace abusers.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with workplace bullies so that you can take control of your career and win at work.

Once you know all about these crucial steps, you will claim victory over workplace bullies and succeed at your job.

This post is all about how to deal with workplace bullies so that you can stand up to them the right way, keep your job, and save your career.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies

Putting up with workplace bullies is not fun. It makes your job much harder than it needs to be. Moreover, it can ruin your entire career.

I went through a stint of it myself. However, I was lucky. You can read my story here. 

I have seen countless good, competent employees lose their livelihoods because of workplace bullying and mobbing. Therefore, without further delay, here is a list of what you can do if bullies are making your job a living hell.

1. Document every bullying INCIDENT.

It is your responsibility to gather evidence that your coworkers are bullying you. In any bullying situation, you’re on your own. No one is coming to rescue you.

Even if you report bullying to HR, it’s likely they won’t help you. In fact, they may hurt you in the long run. Why?

Although they may be in a position to help you, it doesn’t mean they will. If nothing else, remember this. Most people only have their own interests in mind. And HR is operating for the company’s interests, not yours.

Therefore, you must be the one to prove that bullying occurred. That means gathering your own evidence. How victims of bullying mess up is that they rely on others to investigate bullying for them.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

Why Document Bullying?

In the workplace, you will likely deal with psychological bullying, which is difficult to prove. Therefore, keeping your own documentation of every incident is the most important thing you can do.

Here are 7 reasons to document bullying.

  • Documenting helps you keep a record of workplace bullying.
  • A bullying journal is admissible in court.
  • It helps you establish a pattern
  • It helps you keep your story straight.
  • You’re least likely to ramble when you report it.
  • It gives you a voice
  • It’s therapeutic

The best way to document is to use the 5W Method. In other words, record what, who, when, where, and why. And if possible, also write down how.

2. Wear a body cam.

You can wear a body cam. However, be forewarned. This is illegal in some states. Therefore, you must make sure that the laws in your state allow it.

Some states have a one-party consent law. This means that you can use a body cam because it only requires the consent of one party – that’s you.

On the other hand, laws in other states require two-party consent. This means that you must also have your bullies’ consent.

The last thing you want is to give your bullies grounds to sue you. Therefore, research your state’s laws first.

And if your state doesn’t allow it, documenting it should be enough.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

3. Save any inflammatory emails, texts, posts, or messages.

If people bully you via email or other digital means, save them to at least 3 different flash drives. Why three or more?

Because you need copies just in case HR decides to conveniently misplace their copy. Then keep them in different locations.

For instance, you can keep one in a fireproof safe at home, one in your office, and one with a trusted family member.

4. take pictures of all your finished work.

Workplace bullies are notorious for telling supervisors that you aren’t doing your job. Therefore, if possible, use your smartphone to photograph all your completed work.

The good thing about phone pics is that they are time-stamped. So there’s another layer of protection.

Take pictures of forms you fill out, company invoices, emails you send, and other forms of evidence.

You can also do this with manual labor. For example, if you work in the laundry department at a nursing home, you can take pictures of empty linen barrels.

You can also take pictures of the linen closet after you’ve stocked it with clean linens.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

5. Keep Backup copies of any invoices and other paperwork that PROVE you did your job.

When your job involves paperwork, it’s important to keep copies in a secret file. You do this in case the originals get lost or, ahem, stolen.

6. keep a hidden camera in your office.

Many workplace bullies, especially bosses, like to sneak into your office and snoop through your desk and computer. They may even steal things.

Therefore, if your state’s laws allow it, keep a spy camera in your office. Many spy cams are tiny and not noticeable. Therefore, you can hide them anywhere to bust thieves and snoops.

7. Keep a CyA file in a safe place.

Smart employees always keep a CYA file. What is that? You may ask.  It’s a file that covers your ass. When you deal with bullying at work, having this kind of file is of the utmost importance.

Therefore, you can keep all the evidence you gather from tips 1 – 6 in this file. It’s smart because it helps you keep everything together neatly.

Again, make copies of at least three. And store them in different locations.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

8. Don’t share anything you don’t want others to know.

Too many people make the carnal mistake of sharing too much information. This is risky for anyone.

However, if you’re dealing with workplace bullying, it’s not only risky, it’s the kiss of death. Workplace bullies have ways of twisting information that’s innocent.

 Of course, some information is just off limits at work. However, if you are a target of bullying, you’re better off sharing as little about your life as humanly possible.

This means, to anyone. Even your best friend.

Why? Because when people are bullying you, you can’t afford to trust anyone. It doesn’t matter how close you and your only friend at work are.

Bullies have ways of using even innocent details as fodder to defame you with.

What never to share at work.

Here is a list of things that are better kept private.

Your sex life, or lack of.

Not only is it just not smart, but it’s also distasteful. Anytime you publicly talk about your sex life, you make yourself look as if you have no class.

Moreover, bullies and other office parasites will take it and run with it. So, do yourself a favor. Don’t do it!

Your sex life is none of anyone else’s business. Keep it in your bedroom.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

A person in your family who has a drug addiction.

Family business is better kept in the family.  Also, workplace bullies will use it as fodder and tell everyone who’ll listen that you come from a family of druggies.

Therefore, keep it where it belongs.

Any medical conditions or diseases.

No one needs to know your medical history. If you disclose any medical issues, supervisors with no integrity will use it as an excuse to fire you.

Therefore, keep them to yourself.

Any mental illnesses.

This is a definite no-no! Any disclosure of mental illnesses will immediately end your credibility not only as an employee, but as a person.

There is too much stigma around mental illness. If you tell others that you have one, no one will ever look at you the same again.

Moreover, workplace bullies will use it against you. Don’t give them a chance to weaponize it against you. Keep it to yourself.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

Any legal troubles- even as minor as traffic tickets.

Again, bullies will only weaponize this information against you. Even worse, they’ll embellish on it to make it bigger.

It’s not worth the price you’ll pay later. Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know.

Family issues- divorce, child custody, births, deaths, etc.

If it’s negative family issues, workplace bullies will find ways to weaponize them. On the other hand, if it’s positive, they’ll only say you’re making it up.

They may even accuse you of bragging. It’s better not to share anything, good or bad, that happens outside of work.

Your past (if you’re old enough to have one).

This goes without saying. No one needs to know about your past, period. Bullies can use negative things about your past against you.

For example, no one needs to know that you spent time in jail for fighting at a kegger when you were in high school.

Just the same, you shouldn’t tell anyone about vacationing in Europe three years ago. Especially if people bully you at work! You don’t want to incite jealousy.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

Past abuse you may have suffered.

This is also private. If you share this, no one will feel sorry for you. Moreover, they won’t admire you if it made you stronger or if you overcame the abuse. Instead, most of your coworkers won’t care.

Moreover, if you’re a victim of workplace bullying, your bullies will only weaponize it. It’s better to keep it under your hat.

Your personal info (SS number, credit card number, birth date, home address, etc).

This is a no-brainer. Don’t share this information with anyone! It’s not worth the risk! Keep it to yourself.

Email and passwords to social media accounts.

This goes without saying. Do you really want to risk someone hacking into your social media account and posting porn all over your page?

Keep this private.

Names of your family members.

If you think that some bullies won’t search for and go after their victims’ family members, you’re dead wrong. Although this doesn’t happen often, it does happen. So, don’t chance it.

No one, especially a workplace bully, needs to know who your family members are.

How to Deal with Workplace Bullies:

your daughter’s beauty pageant or your son’s perfect grades.

Again, even in non-workplace bullying situations, people will accuse you of bragging. Also, you may incite jealousy among workmates, which may lead to workplace bullying.

So, don’t mention it.

Your views about the recent scandal at  work.

This also goes without saying. Keep any opinions on any workplace scandals to yourself.

Your hobbies and interests.

Let’s face it, no one cares about your hobbies and interests. It’s just an unpleasant part of human nature.

Moreover, workplace bullies will find a way to attack or ridicule you with this information. So, don’t bring it up.

The TV show or movie you watched last night, especially if it’s a slasher show or one filled with hot-buttered sex.

Again, no one cares what you watched in the theater or on TV. Moreover, if you watched a slasher film, workplace bullies will use it to say that you have the mind of a serial killer.

Also, if you watched a sex-laden film, such as 50 Shades of Grey, they say that you’re a sex-crazed pervert. Therefore, keep these things to yourself.

Never talk about politics! Ever! That’s a no-no subject!

With cancel culture on the rise today, this is the worst thing you can do. And you can believe that workplace bullies would love nothing more than to use politics to destroy you.

It’s not worth the risk. Never talk about politics!

 Workplace bullies are already looking for dirty laundry. So, why air out yours? The less they know about you and your life, the better.

9. Be careful how you dress.

Last but not least, never dress provocatively. And don’t look like a slob. Avoid flashy clothing that makes you look like you have money. Only dress appropriately for the job.

In conclusion

You may not be able to avoid workplace bullies. Why? Because bullies are good at gaslighting. However, you can reduce the amount of fodder bullies have to weaponize. And you just might outsmart them and overcome bullying altogether.

If you feel the bullying is about to escalate into mobbing, it’s not too late to learn the signs.

This post is all about how to deal with workplace bullies so that you can become less OF a victim and outsmart those who wish to sabotage you on the job.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Prove Workplace Bullying: 3 Types of Proof You Need

2.  Confronting Bullying in the Workplace: Endurance and Resilience

3. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

4. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

5. Mobbed at Work: Signs You’re About to be Mobbed on the Job

shortcuts to happiness in life

Shortcuts to Happiness: Are There Any?

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Are there any shortcuts to happiness? Let’s find out.

shortcuts to happiness

Some people discover happiness easily. Others struggle to find it. In this post, you will learn whether there are shortcuts to happiness or if you must go through a long process before you find it.

Once you learn the answer, you will be surprised.

This post is all about ways to find shortcuts to happiness.

Shortcuts to Happiness

Happiness seems elusive to so many people. Sadly, most of us spend our entire lives chasing it, only to end up empty-handed.

Happiness is a choice.

Many don’t know it, but it’s true. Happiness doesn’t just happen to a lucky few. It doesn’t fall into your lap, and it isn’t magically given. We choose happiness.

Once upon a time, I was one of the most negative people you ever met. I soon grew tired of being miserable and began reading a lot.

That’s when my eyes were opened, and I finally put in the time and the work to change my thoughts and attitudes.

And in changing those things, I changed my life. However, this is not to say that everything is perfect.

I still have days when things don’t go the way I want. The only difference is that I no longer see it as the end of the world.

There are even times I get angry or upset, but the difference is that I don’t set up shop and stay there. I usually bounce back pretty quickly.

Shortcuts to Happiness:

how do you attain it?

Luckily, there are ways you can be happy. Here’s a list of shortcuts you can take.

1. Check your thoughts

It starts with a single thought. Anytime a negative or depressing thought crosses your mind, and they will, catch it and replace it with a positive one.

Once you start doing this, it’ll slowly become a habit. Keep it up long enough, and it will become like second nature.

You’ll be surprised how your life will change. Why? Because you will attract positive people and experiences. In fact, they will begin to flow into your life.

Shortcuts to Happiness:

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The small stuff is what people think and say of us. You shouldn’t worry about it because these people don’t matter, and neither do their opinions and petty remarks.

Forget about them and continue to do you.

3. Do what you enjoy the most.

Do what fulfills you. Engage in hobbies and interests. Moreover, you must work on your goals and pursue your dreams.

This is how you create opportunities for yourself.

Shortcuts to Happiness:

4. Spend time with the people you love.

Hold your family and closest friends close to your heart. Visit them often and don’t lose touch.

5. Learn something new every day.

If you’re not learning, you’re stagnating. Reading and learning new things can be exciting, and they help you grow!

So, grab a good book or read articles. I guarantee that it will pay huge dividends!

6. Find a hobby if you don’t have one.

Hobbies are fun, and they keep your mind off the bad stuff. They also give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment!

Therefore, if you don’t have a hobby, find something you enjoy doing. Then dive into it. You’ll be glad you did!

Shortcuts to Happiness:

7. Stay away from drama.

Others’ moods have a way of rubbing off on you. So, stay far away from anyone who thrives on drama. Otherwise, they’ll kill your vibe!

So, love yourself enough to avoid toxic people.

8. Set boundaries.

Many people are miserable because they don’t set boundaries. Instead, they let others walk all over them. And they don’t have to.

Boundaries are like an invisible fortress around you and your mental health. Moreover, they can be the difference between happiness and misery.

So, if some creep crosses the line with you, stand up to them. Don’t let someone else dictate your happiness.

9. Find your passion.

Happiness is when you find something you are passionate about. You can contribute to something bigger than yourself.

For example, advocating for the bullied and teaching them how to overcome bullying is my passion.

I love helping victims reclaim their personal power. This is so much bigger than me. And it’s why it feels so rewarding!

Moreover, it isn’t for material gain, fame, or fortune. It’s for my spiritual fulfillment. It’s the inner benefits I get.

Sure, I would love to make a good living at this. And if God decides to bless me with it, I won’t turn it down. However, just making a difference and making the world a better place, even just a little bit, makes me happy.

I want to be the person I needed when I was being bullied. It’s what keeps me going, and it’s where my fulfillment comes from.

Shortcuts to Happiness:

5 Differences Between Happiness and Misery.

Let’s face it, most people aren’t happy. Those who are happy are rare. Most people are miserable, and it’s why depression and suicide rates are so high.

Moreover, it’s the reason we have so many with anger issues. We have so many who use violence to get their needs met.

Therefore, it’s why we have so many bullies and abusers running around terrorizing others.

And many victims of bullying live in misery because they stop believing in themselves. Also, they hang on to lowlifes to avoid being alone.

Here are the differences between happiness and misery.

1. To find happiness, walk AWAY from users and abusers. to stay miserable, keep them in your life.

To find happiness, you must walk away from those who use and abuse you. Say goodbye to those who only come around when they want or need something. Ditch those who don’t value you and find better friends who will.

Living in misery means keeping abusers and users in your life. You don’t have the guts to tell these people to take a hike because you’re afraid of being alone. Instead, you tolerate those who only come around when they want something.

Shortcuts to Happiness:

2. To find happiness, spend your free time wisely. To Stay miserable, waste your time doing things that do you no good.

Living a happy life depends on how you spend your free time. Therefore, spend your leisure time doing the things that you enjoy. Make time for play. Do things to grow yourself.

Exercise and get healthy. Read books and learn something to grow your brain. Focus on your interests. And work on your goals.

A happy life won’t just fall into your lap. You create your happiness.

You stay in misery when you sit on your butt and watch TV all day. Some TV isn’t bad and can be enjoyable. However, when watching TV is all you do, you get sedentary.

You get lazy and stagnant. Misery also means refusing to learn anything. I know plenty of others who hate to read. Therefore, they stay stuck because they don’t learn anything new.

I also know some who don’t have goals, hobbies, or interests. Sadly, they live a boring life. Also, they tend to get into trouble with the law.

3. to be happy, you must be yourself. To be miserable, continue being someone you AREN’T.

To be happy, you must be yourself. This means owning your quirks and flaws. Also, you must speak your truth even if others resent you for it.

Own your emotions, the good and the bad ones. And make fun of yourself when you fall on your keister from time to time.

If you want to stay miserable, be an imposter. When you’re being a fake person,  you stay on high alert. Why? Because you must work constantly to keep the mask from falling off.

And that’s a stressful way to live.

Shortcuts to Happiness:

4. To be happy, count your blessings. To be miserable, focus on the negatives.

Counting your blessings can be hard to do sometimes. Things go wrong. Plans don’t work out, and it can be difficult to see the silver lining.

Even I struggle with this sometimes. However, we must count blessings so that life doesn’t seem as dismal.

If you want to be miserable, see the glass as half-empty and life as one big hell-pit. Dwell on the past and be angry at all those who did you wrong.

In Conclusion

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is all peaches and cream. Even those who are have days when things go wrong, and they don’t feel good.

Being happy doesn’t mean having a perfect life. What it really means is being authentic. It means growing in mind, body, and spirit. Moreover, it means having a purpose and goals to work toward.

In a nutshell, being happy means being true to yourself and everything about you.

So, are there shortcuts to happiness? The answer is both yes and no.

Yes, because if you have hobbies, you can always turn to them to get it. Also, you can enjoy working on your goals. And no, because you sometimes have to do a lot of inner work to achieve it.

This post is all about the shortcuts to happiness so that you can do what you must to be happy.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Happiness is a Choice: 9 Ways to be Happy

2. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

3. Open Letter to Bullies: From One who Overcame

4. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

group bullying adults

Group Bullying: 5 Must-Know Reasons Bullies Bully in Packs

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Want to know all about group bullying and mobbing? Here are all the details you need to know.

group bullying

You rarely see lone bullies; they usually run in packs. Therefore, in this post, you will learn about group bullying so that you can better protect yourself against packs of bullies.

Once you learn all about this crucial information, you will be encouraged to protect yourself from these wolfpacks.

This post is all about group bullying to teach you how to outsmart and outmaneuver them and ensure your safety.

Group Bullying

As the old proverb goes, “Never underestimate the power of ‘stoopid’ people in large groups.” This has been true since the dawn of time.

There’s strength in numbers. And bullies are notorious for running in packs and using their numbers to intimidate targets.

Why Bullies Bully in Large Groups

There are several reasons bullies bully in large groups. Here is a list.

1. Group unity

Unity is born when two or more people share a dislike for someone. In fact, for members to tighten their bonds, they need a common enemy they all passionately hate.

Therefore, if they don’t feel they can have solidarity, they will create an enemy they can all unite against. They will single out one person and harass them just to foster camaraderie among the others in the group.

Put another way, they use their victim as a vehicle for bonding and interaction. Each member takes turns bullying the victim because the rest of the pack expects it.

Therefore, they harass the victim to “fit in.” And unity comes at someone’s expense.

We call this “pack mentality” or “herd mentality.” And sadly, most people will do anything, right or wrong, to follow the rest of the herd.

Group Bullying:

2. The group is where they get their power.

Bullies get their power from an entourage. Again, you will never see a bully alone. Why? Because they could never handle being by themselves.

They attack in groups because they need their wingmen to back them. Without their backup, they are just as powerless as you are.

They’re afraid to attack you one-on-one because they’re afraid you will get the best of them. Therefore, these groupies are there to show power-  power they could never have on their own.

3. They’re cowards.

Bullies are great big cowards. They bully you to cover up their fear, weaknesses, and shortcomings.

Therefore, they cloak themselves with a tough, holier-than-thou veneer.

4. The group gives each bully anonymity.

Bullies usually have followers and minions backing them up. And they enlist members of their following to do their dirty work.

The group provides each member with a degree of namelessness. It’s easier to call one person out by name. However, it’s not so easy to identify individual members of a large group.

Moreover, each member will protect the other from accountability.

5. Group Bullying Strips you of Humanity.

 The bullying becomes so ingrained that it seems to take on a life of its own.

The bullies become drunk on their own power. In other words, they become so addicted to the power that the abuse becomes constant. And tormenting you seems to be all they can focus on.

Blinded by senseless rage, they allow the hatred to control them.

Once they form a group, they no longer see you as a human being. Instead, they see you as so worthless and inferior that you don’t deserve respect.

As far as the bullies are concerned, you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as them. In fact, you don’t deserve to breathe, period!

 Group bullying can be especially dangerous because the victim has a chance of having a mental breakdown. Even worse, they risk dying by suicide or being murdered.

Therefore, it’s so important to get out of that environment. Transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area.

The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you live in peace.

Group Bullying:

6. Groups Grow Easily.

School mobs will expand to include several teachers and school staff. At work, managers at many levels and many coworkers may join in.

People who are often peaceful and kind are encouraged to hate the person they are targeting. A bully in power directs them to gossip about you and mistreat you.

Even the sweetest, most compassionate people suddenly become mean and nasty. And, one by one, the entire student body, workplace, or community will bully you.

Moreover, these good, kind people won’t see themselves as participants in bullying. Rather, they’ll view themselves as defenders against an evil enemy.

They will view their own atrocious behavior as justified and necessary. Why? Because to see themselves as bullying participants goes against their sense of decency.

7. People act differently in groups.

Always! Why? Because they feel they must conform. Also, understand that once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

You lose support as more and more people jump on the hate bandwagon. Friends will drop like flies until everyone blames you for any tiny thing that goes wrong.

School staff, the management, or community authorities then close ranks, thereby eliminating any help or escape from the abuse.

What can you do when you suffer group bullying?

1. Make friends with Other victims.

The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that in order to find good friendships, you must establish common ground.

Understand that those who share similar experiences are more likely to develop close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share something in common.

The way to make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things and people. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.

When you find others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it confirms that you aren’t alone. Moreover, it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends just might back you up the next time her bullies come calling.

Opposites don’t attract, commonalities do.

Making friends with other victims also reinforces that you’re not a bad person. It says that, no matter what they say, you can make friends.

It reaffirms that you’re likable, while discrediting the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.

When targets unite, they share commonality. Therefore, they likely won’t face conflict with one another. Each person in the group finally feels understood.

Again, people tend to become friends with those most like themselves. When you create ties with others your bullies have targeted, you immediately establish common ground.

Therefore, it’s easy to establish rapport.

Group Bullying:

A “Target Rich Environment”

If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, create a “target-rich environment” for yourself. Keep company with other victims.

I cannot say this enough. We’re attracted to people who share our desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a cake walk!

how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?

Start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a T-shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s a shared interest.

If they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music. What a person is doing also gives clues. Also, their posture has many tells.

For example, you’ll know the person has low self-esteem if they:

  • sit alone at the lunch table
  • slump in their chair
  • don’t interact much with others

Low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You just might be the friend they’re looking for!

Group Bullying:

In conclusion

Group bullying is the worst kind of bullying. It is a form of violence that is rife with pack mentality.

It is especially rampant in workplaces. Everyone collectively harasses and attacks a single targeted individual. The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader or someone in a position of power.

Group bullying almost always happens in retaliation. For example, a long-bullied target became fed up and finally spoke out or did something about the bullying.

Mobbing is also known as collective bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect you to stay quiet about the abuse. They may even demand that you bow down to and submit to it.

And when you don’t, they will likely punish you for it. Still, you must stand up to bullies no matter what. Also, you must make friends with other targets.  And if possible, you might need to leave the environment to get a fresh start elsewhere.

It may be the only way you get to live in peace.

This post was all about group bullying so you can recognize it and defend yourself from it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Pack Mentality: All About Group Bullying

2.  Reasons Why People Bully – 7 Most Common Motives

3. How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

4. How to Make Friends When You Have None at School or at Work

5. Make New Friends: 11 Easy Ways to Attract Buddies

bullying intimidation tactics examples

Bullying Intimidation Tactics: 15 Bully-Moves You Must be Aware of.

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Bullying intimidation tactics are meant to instill fear in victims. So, what are all the moves bullies use to scare you? Here’s a list of them and what they look like.

bullying intimidation tactics

In this post, you will learn all the bullying intimidation tactics so that you can spot them when they happen.

Once you learn all these techniques and what they’re designed to do, you will be able to not only point them out when you see them, but also protect yourself from them.

This post is all about bullying and intimidation tactics, so you can better defend yourself by understanding them.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics

There are many methods bullies use to strike fear in the hearts of their victims. If you’re being bullied, it’s important to know the types of tricks bullies use to scare you.

Why? Because knowledge is the first step to defending yourself against these nasty tactics. So, what techniques do bullies use to scare you? Here they are below.

1. Physical threats

Some bullies use threats of physical violence to scare you into doing what they want. They may make open statements such as:

  • “I’ll kick your ass.”
  • “I’ll punch your face in.”

Many bullies may be a little sneakier about it. They may not be so direct. In fact, they may say, “If you don’t do xyz, you know what’s going to happen.”

However, you must understand what’s behind physical threats. Bullies do this because they think they might be losing control of you. They have no other powers of persuasion. Therefore, physical threats are all they have left.

If you’ll notice, bullies will often threaten to beat you up when they tell you to do something, and you refuse. Maybe they tell you to let them cheat off you in class, and you say “no.”

Bullies hate to be told “no.” Therefore, they’ll often resort to warnings like this to get you to comply.

The best thing to do here is to call their bluff. And be ready to fight if you need to.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

2. Invading Your Personal Space.

For instance, a bully verbally insults you, and you deliver a stinging comeback. Next, the bully approaches you and gets in your face.

Understand that this is another form of physical intimidation. Why? Because, through his body language, he’s telling you that he’s going to attack you.

No one has the right to invade your personal space. Therefore, don’t let them get away with that. Anytime someone gets in your face, the best thing to do is to punch their lights out.

3. threatening looks and gestures

For instance, you’re being bullied at work and report it to your supervisor. Later, during lunch break, you notice your bully giving you a death glare from across the room.

The way to stand up to this tactic is to show the bully that they don’t scare you. And you do this by returning the glare. In other words, if the bully gives you a threatening look, give them one of your own.

By doing this, you show them that you won’t be intimidated by them. To read more on threatening body language, go here.

4. Disdainful Scoffs and Grunts

Other intimidation tactics bullies may use include scoffing or grunting when you’re near. There are a couple of ways you can respond to this.

One way is to look them up and down, then lightly scoff and walk away. Another way is to look at them like they’ve lost their minds.

A third way is to ask them what their problem is. But the last thing you want to do is ignore it. Why? Because if you ignore it, the bullies will only see it as fear. Therefore, respond. But do it calmly.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

5. Shoving and tripping you.

This may be considered borderline abuse. However, it is still physical bullying. Therefore, knock the person’s block off.

No one has the right to touch you. That includes shoving and tripping. So, make them regret it.

6. Assault and battery.

Again, no one has the right to raise a hand to you. Therefore, if they hit you, hit them back. It’s that simple.

There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself when someone is trying to beat you up. So do what you must to make sure they never want to touch you again.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

7. negative comments.

Name-calling and verbal insults are often used to humiliate you. However, they’re also used to frighten you. Therefore, don’t ignore it.

Instead, deliver a good burn to put the bully in their place. But do it calmly.

8. Interrupting and talking over you.

Bullies may talk over you to silence you. However, don’t let them. How you handle this is to say in a firm tone, “Excuse me. I’m speaking.”

Or, even better, you can directly call out their behavior by saying, “Don’t talk over me.” Then finish what you have to say.

When you use the last response, you point out the behavior and let everyone know that you won’t be silenced so easily.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

9. Shaming and belittling.

No one wants to be shamed and belittled. Therefore, bullies use this tactic to scare you into silence. For instance, everyone bullies you and, after years of suffering in silence, you finally speak out.

Suddenly, everyone is angry. So, they trivialize your suffering and make fun of you for talking about it. Here’s what they may tell you.

  • “You’re such a crybaby.”
  • Aww, you wimp!”
  • “Bless your sweet little heart.”
  • “You poor baby.”

They ridicule you, hoping you’ll shut up and never speak of it again. Therefore, you must know where it comes from. Your bullies are scared of being exposed. And they’re even more afraid of facing consequences.

Keep speaking out. Show them that they can no longer scare you.

10. Threats to your reputation.

Here’s a scenario that many females may be familiar with.

You’re on a first date, and the guy you’re with is a real creep. He tries to talk you into having sex. Naturally, you tell him that you’d rather wait a while. However, he doesn’t stop hounding you.

He pours on the sweet-talk. “Oh, baby. I just want to get to know you better.” Or, he may say, “I love you. I just want to show it.”

However, you’re not ready. You’ve tried to be polite about it, but he just doesn’t know when to quit. So, you finally say, in a firm voice, “I said no, and that means no!”

But then, he shows his true colors. Instead of respecting you for setting a boundary, he gets mean and nasty.

He says, “If you don’t, I’ll tell everyone you did.”

The best thing to do here is not to respond to these kinds of threats. You already said no. Now, walk away and have nothing more to do with the person.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

11. Gossip, rumors, and lies.

Bullies don’t only use this tactic to trash your reputation; they also do it to make you afraid for your reputation. Therefore, don’t let this scare you.

Here’s what I’ve learned from experience. Your real friends won’t believe the bullshit. And those who do were never friends to begin with.

Therefore, use this as a test to see who you should keep and who you should cut ties with.

12. Defamation.

This is a close sibling to number eleven, and bullies defame you for the same reasons. Therefore, your response should be the same.

Use it to see who’s worth a damn and who isn’t.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

13. Destroying your relationships and friendships.

Bullies will even go so far as to try to destroy your existing relationships and friendships. And they do this by spreading lies about you. They may tell your friends and loved ones that you are saying bad things about them behind their backs.

However, again, this is a time of testing. Realize that real friends will come and ask you about it first. They won’t just assume that you’re guilty.

So, watch and see who falls for the lies. That will tell you exactly who to ditch and who to keep.

14. Projection.

Projection is a tactic bullies use when they accuse you of the same crap they’re doing. For instance, a female bully who sleeps around may call you a slut. High school bullies do this all the time.

Therefore, if you know they’re projecting their behavior onto you, call it out. You can say, “Wow! Projecting much?”

This calls the bully out in as few words as possible. Also, the trick is to say it calmly. Then, once you’re finished, walk away.

Bullying Intimidation Tactics:

15. Threatening your job.

Bully coworkers and bosses may threaten your job to get you to comply with their demands. Now, this is a hard one here. How you respond depends on your financial situation.

If you’re living paycheck to paycheck and jobs are scarce, you can respond by quietly documenting the abuse. However, if you are financially able to quit, you can respond with, “Go ahead and fire me if you want.”

Or you can say, “I was looking for a job when I found this one.”  Then walk away. If you use the second response, make damn sure you’re ready to hit the clock and walk.

In Conclusion:

Remember that bullying feeds on fear. When you know all the fear tactics bullies use, you are better able to stand up to them calmly and without apology. Moreover, you have a greater chance of overcoming bullying and regaining control of your life.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

2. Personal Space Boundaries: What to Do When Bullies Cross Them

3. Invasion of Personal Space: 3 Ways to Respond to It

4. Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

5. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

responding in kind meaning

Responding in Kind: 7 Reasons to Do So with Bullies

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‘Want to know why responding in kind is important for your mental health? Here are all the reasons you need to know that it’s okay to respond in kind when someone crosses the line with you.

responding in kind

Responding in kind helps keep you safe from bullying by inspiring respect. Therefore, in this post, you will learn why responding in kind is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing fact, you will be compelled to treat yourself with respect by not allowing others to mistreat you.

This post is all about responding in kind and why it’s important, so that you can live a drama-free life.

Responding in Kind

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person.

Moreover, it shows that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also sends the message that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, educators, and certain members of our families. They’ve trained us that responding in kind only makes us as bad as our bullies and abusers.

And, sadly, we’re still being conditioned to believe that bull. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

Power and force are the only things bullies and abusers understand.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power. People-pleasing does not work. And anyone who gives off even a hint of weakness is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will take full advantage. Why? Because they will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse.

And they will think they can walk all over you anytime they want. Then, there will be no stopping them from escalating the bullying, and no limit to how far they go.

Responding in Kind:

Bullies Pay Attention to consequences.

You must set boundaries. And you set boundaries by imposing consequences on anyone who violates them.

But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond,” not “react.” By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground. Also, you signal that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

Society subtly programs us to take abuse.

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet we’re being subtly told to accept it.

And we should take it with a smile, and a yes, sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s not how life works! And it isn’t how human nature works. Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must understand that the threat of consequences keeps the bad guys away.

Without accountability, there would be anarchy! Bullies would have free rein over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind. Moreover, never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself against predators. It’s also how you treat yourself well.

Here are all the reasons to respond in kind to bad people.

Responding in Kind:

1. You protect yourself from abuse.

Your protection is your responsibility. No one is coming to save you. Therefore, it is up to you to protect yourself from human predators. You can defend yourself from different kinds of abuse. Here are a couple of examples.

Exclusion.

Media and other talking heads preach against exclusion. However, people have been excluding others since the dawn of time. It’s a cruel part of human nature.

Moreover, most people try to force others to include them anytime they are excluded. This is the wrong thing to do. It’s counterproductive. Because the more you insert yourself, the more the group will push you out.

But really think about this for a minute. Do you really want anything to do with those who don’t want to be around you?

Instead of trying to force them to accept you, look at it another way.  Those who exclude you are the trash that takes itself out.

Therefore, the best way to defend yourself from exclusion is to exclude them from your life as well. Two can play that game.

They don’t want to be around you? Then the feeling is mutual; you don’t want to be around them either. This is how you respond in kind.

Physical bullying.

You should never take physical abuse. No one has the right to put their hands on you. Therefore, it’s simple: they hit you first, and you hit them back.

Remember, bullies only respond to consequences. So, give them severe ones. Make them never want to make the mistake of hitting you again.

By doing these things, you protect yourself from abuse. Why? Because not only will the bullies leave you alone, but those who are around to see it will too.

Responding in Kind:

2. You preserve your self-esteem.

Nothing feels worse than having everyone walk over you and not having the guts to do anything about it. In fact, you feel weak and defeated. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

When you finally stand up to abuse, you will be amazed at how it boosts your self-esteem. The bullies may or may not change their behavior.

But you’ll feel better just knowing that you stopped taking their crap. Your confidence will soar! And people will think twice before messing with you again.

3. You encourage others to respect you and themselves.

When you stand up to bullies the right way, you earn respect. Moreover, not only will the bullies respect you, but the people watching will too.

But the best part is that you will learn to respect yourself. Why? Because once you stand up for yourself, you’re more likely to do it again until it becomes a habit.

And lastly, other victims just might follow your lead. They will begin defending themselves from bullies. Why? Because “if they can do it, I can too.”

Responding in Kind:

4. You keep drama out of your life.

There’s a reason that bullies only pick on certain people and not others. It’s because the others won’t take their crap, and they know it.

Therefore, when you respond in kind, especially in the early stages of bullying, you become harder to mess with. Bullies like easy targets. Don’t be one of them.

Bullies are all about drama. In fact, they thrive on it. Therefore, if you can keep them away, you avoid the drama that comes with them.

Then, you can live in peace.

5. You keep your dignity.

There’s no dignity in being a punching bag. In fact, if you let bullies bully you, everyone else will think they can do it too. It’s called the swarm effect.

When one bully messes with you, others will want to join in if you don’t put a stop to it. One bully will bully you, then two. The next thing you know, you’ll have four bullies on your tail. Then, eight, and so on.

And before you know it, everyone will want to get a piece of your ass. Bullying spreads like a virus. You would be surprised at how contagious it is.

Dignity comes with respect. Therefore, if no one respects you, there’s no dignity. So, stand up for yourself. Don’t take their shit. Whether or not you have dignity depends on how you teach people to treat you.

Responding in Kind:

6. You maintain control of your life.

When you’re being bullied, you don’t have control of your life; they do. Bullies get to control how you feel about yourself. Also, they can even control your physical well-being.

Don’t give them that kind of power over you. Instead, stand up to them. Let them know you won’t let them just walk all over you.

Know that you are not a dumping ground for others’ anger and other mental issues. Therefore, take back control of your life. Stand up to bullying. And have nothing to do with anyone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

7. You experience freedom.

When you don’t have to deal with bullies, you experience total freedom. You are free to be yourself. You’re free to live in peace. And you’re free from bullying and abuse.

Remember that bullying is all about control. And they can only control your life if you let them. Therefore, do what you must do to protect yourself from those leeches.

When you respond in kind, you take back your freedom. They may bully you worse for a time, but eventually, they’ll get tired if you keep standing up to them.

And once they do, you’ll have freedom to be yourself and live in peace.

In Conclusion

Responding in kind is a way to set and enforce your boundaries. It imposes consequences on creeps who step over the line. At the same time, it protects your self-esteem and keeps you safe from people who wish to abuse you.

You maintain control over your life because you teach people to respect your right to safety. In that, you keep your dignity, repel drama, and experience the freedom to live in peace and be happy. And you can do it without guilt or apology.

This post is all about responding in kind so that you can overcome bullying, take control of your life, and live in peace.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

2. Types of People to Avoid to Protect Yourself from Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Disadvantages of Being a People Pleaser: 7 Consequences of Putting Yourself Last

5. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

6. Benefits of Setting Boundaries

how to know your worth in a relationship

How to Know Your Worth: 9 Tips to Build Your Self-Esteem

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Do you know what it means to learn how to know your worth? Here are some tips to help you wake up to your value.

how to know your worth

When you know your worth, you’re least likely to settle for anything less than what you want and what you know you deserve.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to know your worth. Moreover, you’ll learn to stand up for your beliefs and convictions to increase your value and live the life you deserve.

Once you know this life-changing information, you will successfully increase your value. Moreover, you’ll be more capable of creating the good life you deserve because you won’t settle for crap.

This post will teach you how to know your worth so you can live up to your true value.

How to Know Your Worth

Knowing your worth is the most important thing you can ever do. Why? Because when you do, you won’t tolerate abuse. And you will go after the life you know you deserve. So, how do you discover your value as a person? Here are all the tips.

1. be yourself.

No one wants a cheap copy; they want an original.

You might get a lot of pushback at first. Many people become threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life. Moreover, they may give you tons of grief for it.

However, they only do it because they were benefiting from the old you. There were advantages that came with the you who sought approval. And they don’t want to lose those benefits.

We live in a world full of copies. In other words, most people only conform and seek others’ approval. So, it’s only natural that they lash out at you.

Therefore, embrace the push-back. Keep doing what’s right for you and to hell with what others think! Only you know what’s right for you. No one else does! So, stop seeking validation. Let go of the need for approval.

I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!

How to Know Your Worth:

2. Don’t Seek approval.

You don’t need the approval of anyone unworthy of your consideration. So, stop busting your butt to gain it. Some people’s opinions need not apply.

If anyone ever tries to impose their so-called rules on you, you have the right to tell that person to go to hell. In other words, if the person isn’t a parent, well-meaning teacher, or supervisor, tell them to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wiggled their way from beneath.

You have an obligation to yourself not to give them your power. And that’s exactly what you’re giving them when you seek approval from them. You give them control over your life! That’s something they have no right to. Your power is yours and yours alone.

But once you take back your power by refusing to care what they think, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.

Life begins when you stop caring what people think and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!

Don’t you know you deserve to be happy?

3. Never give anyone value they haven’t earned.

Never chase those who don’t give a damn about you. Nothing is more pathetic than when you crawl up behind people who use and abuse you. If they don’t want to be friends with you, then screw ’em.

If you have to beg someone for their friendship, then they’re not the ones you need to associate with. Remember that you have options.

Therefore, never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you. Because, when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.

If, at any time, you must suppress parts yourself, you shortchange yourself. Realize that a bully will never add value to your life.

When you follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards. Know that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s standards but yours.

How to Know Your Worth:

4. Stop caring what Others think.

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself. Practice self-love, and stop worrying about others’ opinions of you.

I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up. And they will get bored and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared.  That’s why they keep doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is what your bullies use to control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to have power over your very existence?

Consistently seeking approval is exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time.

Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only those who love you and who deserve you.

Your family and closest friends are the only ones whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle shouldn’t be an issue.

How to Know Your Worth:

5. value only the opinions of people who matter.

The value you place on an opinion depends on your relationship with the person who holds it.

“In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try, though!”
~ T-Ronn Hicks ~

It’s a shame that most don’t realize this. But it’s true! When you value someone’s opinion of you, you’re naturally going to feel insulted if those opinions aren’t favorable.

Therefore, value the opinions of those most important in your life. These are the ones who love you and help to grow and shape you into a better person. They lift you up and help you feel better about yourself.

Moreover, they encourage you to reach for your goals.  They’re most likely to be your family, friends, and your favorite mentors.

They are those whose opinions you should value.

On the other hand, if you don’t consider certain people important, you won’t value their opinions. Some do not deserve your respect for their opinions. And they are those who hurt or abuse you. Your bullies fall into this category.

Bullies and abusers don’t qualify.

I can’t stress this enough! If someone seeks to harm you in any way, their opinions have no value. Therefore, you should consider them null and void!

They’re of no importance to you whatsoever! Why? Because they can bring absolutely no good to your life! Those who continually tear you down, wreck your self-esteem, and belittle you should have zero significance to you.

It doesn’t matter if they are in a high position. And, it doesn’t matter if they’re popular or have the most money. If they consistently tear you down, they’re no good to you.

Therefore, you should just blow them off and keep going.

Again, only value the opinions of those who love and care about you.  They are the ones who are down for your good and your advancement!

How to Know Your Worth:

Defending yourself and valuing the wrong people’s opinions isn’t the same.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assert yourself if someone violates your boundaries. Because you should! However, don’t let it cause you to love yourself any less.

Blow off the petty put-downs of bullies. Why? Because the insults they spew have no merit. They never did.

I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been there. It took me too many years to realize this important rule of life. But I’m glad I finally did. Better late than never.

Know that you can do it. Avoid toxic people as much as possible. Only keep company with those who have your best interests at heart.

You will know who they are. Your gut will tell you. Moreover, their behavior will tell you. So, listen to that gut instinct and pay attention to the vibes others around you put out!

You’ll thank yourself later!

6. Don’t rush to defend yourself

There will be times in life when people accuse you of things that don’t apply to you. Let them misjudge you. Let them spread lies and rumors. And let those who want to believe it do so.

Never rush to defend yourself. Watch to see who believes it so that you’ll know who to cut ties with.

How to Know Your Worth:

7. Be picky who you associate with.

Selectiveness is important. Media, politicians, and other talking heads may trumpet “inclusivity.” However, there’s nothing wrong with excluding those who seek to harm you.

Being selective is not being exclusive. When you’re selective with your friends, it means you choose people of integrity. Therefore, you keep out the snakes to protect your peace.

Therefore, always keep company with those who make you feel the best about yourself. This means those who want to see you do good for yourself.

Keep the people who point you in the right direction, and those who remain loyal even when the chips are down.

Associate only with the people who love, encourage, and want your very best. Reserve your friendship only for those who have your back! Choose the friend who is willing to walk through the fire with you.

They won’t block your path to success. You won’t have to fight for their time or their love. Why? Because they will make time for you and give love freely. Therefore, be selective of who you let into your life.

8. Work toward your goals.

What is your passion? What are the things you love to do the most? Whatever they are, follow them and do the things you absolutely love to do.

Do what makes you feel alive! Not only will you feel more in control of your life, but you won’t have time to worry about what anyone thinks of you.

Additionally, you’ll be so busy working on your goals and pursuing your dreams that they won’t even be an afterthought. And you’ll be much happier!

How to Know Your Worth:

9. Remember that opinions aren’t facts.

Although they can affect your life to a degree, opinions are the cheapest resources in the world.  Though what your bullies think shouldn’t concern you, it doesn’t mean they can’t affect you, or even hinder you.

The reality is that what they think of you can have a massive impact on your life. Moreover, you may not want to admit it. And, no, it isn’t fair.

However, the reality is that the personal opinions of other people are often the deciding factor on whether you’re well-liked or hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise wouldn’t have issues with you at all. Additionally, those attitudes can spread far and wide.

They make bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never mistreat another human being. It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

However, don’t let that discourage you. Know that opinions aren’t facts and refuse to care what they think.

Why? Because, nine times out of ten, if you don’t give a rat’s ass about others’ opinions, they won’t affect you. Moreover, others will notice that you don’t care.

Then, they’ll leave you alone and go find someone else to bully. Your worth isn’t contingent on others’ thoughts of you.

The Benefits of Knowing Your Worth

How to Know Your Worth:

1. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of those who couldn’t give a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what others think, you take your power back. Why? Because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them. You know that we’re all human and that everyone has them.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

Knowing your worth means that you start doing the things you enjoy. Moreover, you also start avoiding those who make you feel bad about yourself.

And believe it or not, they will notice the difference in you and disappear.

2. You don’t have to work as hard.

When you know your worth, you won’t shape-shift and bend yourself into a pretzel to make others like you. Instead, you’ll be yourself and look down on anyone who tries to change you.

Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Therefore, show this person the door. Fast! You can’t get rid of them fast enough.

How to Know Your Worth:

3. You discover the freedom you’ve never known.

When you discover your worth, you free yourself from their grip. and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek validation from someone, you lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that they will discard you once you’ve served your purpose.

This is why people-pleasing and approval-seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of others.

You make yourself too available to those you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value on someone who’s always readily available.

However, when you do your own thing, you become rare, scarce, mysterious, and elusive. Therefore, you become the person who’s sought after. And what’s most important is that you experience freedom!

BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what others think and watch things quickly change for the better!

How to know Your Worth:

What happens if you don’t know your worth?

Bad things can happen if you don’t know your value.

1. You’ll care too much ABOUT what others think.

“If you care too much about what others think, you care less about yourself.” This is what a fellow blogger wrote several years back. And, she was right!

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave to them. In other words, these morons own you.

Any time you care too much about the opinions of others, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really want to.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do. Also, you’ll agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for those who don’t deserve it.

2. You’ll lose respect for yourself, and others will too.

You’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them just to avoid conflict. As a result, they’ll see you as a pushover.

In other words, you’ll be a doormat and lose respect for yourself. And you’ll look pathetic! To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

Even worse, your submissiveness will become expected over time. And once you do finally get tired of being walked on and grow a spine, others won’t respect you for it. They’ll be offended by it.

‘You see, here’s the thing. If you truly know your value, you don’t have to prove it because you know it’s there. Even better, others see it too.

Why? Because they not only sense that others’ opinions don’t faze you, but they can see it in your demeanor. So, stop caring what bullies and abusers think of you. They shouldn’t even matter.

How to Know Your Worth:

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you have a choice of knowing your worth. You can also choose to keep some people in your life or kick them out.

Remember that your thoughts are free. You choose the way you think of yourself, and you control how you see yourself.

Therefore, know your worth! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to know your worth so that you can start treating yourself better and going after what you know you deserve.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

2. Know Your Worth: 4 Reasons It’s Important

3. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

4. Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

5. How to Stop Being Bullied: 14 Tips to Make Yourself Less a Target

tactics bullies use against you

Tactics Bullies Use: 6 Things They Do to Throw You Off

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Do you know the most common tactics bullies use? You will find them here so that you will recognize them if they happen to you.

tactics bullies use

There are many tactics bullies use. However, many of them aren’t as obvious as others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn more about the sneakier ones so that you can call them out and defend yourself from them.

Once you learn all these techniques, you will be able to protect yourself more easily and even overcome bullying altogether.

This post is all about the tactics bullies use, so you can name them and protect yourself.

Tactics Bullies Use

Although you may understand the context of what is happening, you may not know how to name it. So, let’s discuss.

1. Rattling You

Before getting violent, bullies will often try to rattle you to intimidate you and throw you off balance. It’s how they mess with your mind. For example, if you’re a kid who is being bullied in school, here’s what your bullies may do to rattle you.

  • Deliberately knock over your drink and spill it
  • Pluck a piece of food from your plate and pop it into their mouth at lunch.
  • Kick your books, backpack, or purse with their foot
  • Fling your hair back
  • Flick your nose with one finger
  • Give you a non-friendly slap on the back
  • Shoulder-check you as they walk past you in the hall or parking lot
  • Knock your hat or cap off.

Workplace bullies may also knock your files off your desk. This doesn’t happen often, but it isn’t unheard of.

Understand that bullies use these tactics to provoke a reaction. They may even be looking for a fight. Why else would they invade your space or territory?

tactics bullies use.

2. Daring You.

For example, a bully may stand with feet apart and arms wide, forming a T-stance. By doing this, the bully is telling you to “Bring it” or “Come on, I dare you.”

3. Making deliberate, sudden movements.

For instance, the bully may back away from you and act like he is going to punch you, then stop himself and laugh.

They may also lunge at you, then stop themselves. These tactics are the favorite of bullies. Understand that bullies make these deliberate moves to cause you to flinch.

They then stand back and laugh. Then, they claim that this normal reaction is proof that you’re scared of them and don’t have the guts to fight them back.

4. Mock physical attacks.

For example, bullies may begin dancing around the room and shadowboxing. By doing this, the bully is clearly showing what he wants to do to you.

Understand that when bullies toy with you, they really want to square off. See it for what it is and call it out as it is.

The best defense against this is calling the bully out. Here’s what you say:

  • “Do you realize how foolish you look?”
  • “Wow! You look like a total moron!”, “whack-job”, etc.

Understand that there is a proper way to counter a bully using these kinds of tactics. And that is to insult his intelligence or sanity. And when you do, it’s best to do it in front of an audience.

The bully will either back off or react emotionally. Bullies absolutely despise looking like fools and being called out on it.

Tactics Bullies Use:

5. Asking Gotcha Questions

Not only are politicians notorious for asking gotcha questions, but so are bullies. What is a gotcha-question, you may ask?

Gotcha questions are those that put you in a bad light, no matter how you respond. They can do damage even if you don’t respond to them at all.

Therefore, these are the types bullies will ask you in public, just to humiliate you. In fact, these kinds are best asked in front of an audience.

Gotcha questions are forms of entrapment. Why? Because bullies use them to trap you into looking bad to others.

examples of Gotchas:

  • “Hey, Jeff, do your friends know you got arrested the other day?”

This question says Jeff was arrested. It implies that he is a criminal and assumes that he was arrested, whether his friends realize it or not.

If Jeff answers yes, it means that he’s a criminal and his friends know about it. If he answers no, it still means that Jeff is a criminal, only that none of his friends are aware of it.

  • “Hey, Jennifer, how many people know that you spent time in a mental institution?”

Again, the question makes a statement- one that says that Jennifer was institutionalized. It implies that she was in a mental institution, whether anyone knows it or not.

If Jennifer answers yes, it means that she has mental issues, and others know about it. A no means that no one knows that she has a mental illness and that she’s hiding it from everyone.

These types of questions are “gotchas” because they are closed-ended questions that leave no room for the truth.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Bullies ask gotchas to entrap you.

  • “Tabitha, did you ever get help for your alcoholism?”

By asking this, the bully is accusing Tabitha of having alcoholism without directly doing so. It’s a slick way for them to attack her.

A yes means that Tabitha was “a drunk” in the past. A no implies that Tabitha is still a “boozehound.” And that’s what people will think.

Furthermore, if she responds by saying, “I’ve never had a drinking problem,” it would sound like a cover-up. Why? Because others would wonder why anyone would ask such a question if they weren’t privy to such private information.

It implies that the asker knows information that hasn’t been available to anyone else.

  • “Does Ella know that you slept with her boyfriend?”

Here, you have three options. You can answer yes or no, or choose not to respond. Either way, the bully is still implying that you slept with Ella’s boyfriend. It’s a stealthy way for the questioner to call you a whore.

Therefore, if you are being bullied, you must learn very quickly how to spot gotcha questions. Then, you must call them out as such. Be sure to respond in a way that makes you look the least guilty.

healthy responses to gotchas:

If a bully ever confronts you with a gotcha, this is how to respond:

  • “You’re wasting your time with the gotcha-questions because they don’t work on me.”
  • “You need to quit with the gotcha-questions. I’m wise to your games. You’re fooling no one.”

The trick here is to call the person out by calling the questions what they are. And when you do, do it as intelligently as possible.

It may or may not save your good name. However, you’ll feel good knowing you called it out without letting the bully throw you off balance. And sometimes, that’s enough.

Tactics Bullies Use:

6. Smear Campaigns

It always starts subtly. Bullies start rumors by dropping a suggestion. And all it takes is one little rumor- just one! Because bystanders will want to believe it.

If enough people do, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie. And there’s no getting away from public opinion, no matter how false or unjustified it is.

Bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, the bullies will fade into the background.

They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! Let’s break it down.

How it works:

For example, bullies start by suggesting that you would be better off getting professional help. They will say that it’s for your own good.

They may then drop an offhand comment here and another there. In the beginning, you may have friends and be very well-liked. And they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when your bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what they told you.” Or, the bullies may lie to them by claiming that sometime in the past, you stabbed them in the back.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies, even things that never happened.

Tactics Bullies Use:

The rumors get bigger and more bizarre as they spread.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, they get bigger. Finally, they sound so bizarre that they’d make good content for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. And I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

Wrong!

Once the rumors start sticking, your buddies will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth. Therefore, you’ll no longer have a clean reputation.

Before long, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect. And the only reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into everyone’s hearts.

They’ll say you put on a front. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Your good qualities won’t matter.

They’ll rewrite your history. Your past wins and accomplishments will be made irrelevant. They will minimize anything good about you, while maximizing your mistakes and failures.

Even if they see with their own eyes evidence of your successes, friendships, or anything positive, they’ll deny it. Or they’ll only react by claiming that you’re a smooth-talker who’s darn good at manipulating others.

Moreover, your former friends will claim that they never liked you from the start. They’ll only say that they were kind to you because you deceived them.

They’ll tell others, “who you really are.” And they’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations. If they ever agreed with you about your bullies, they only did so because you fooled them.

Tactics Bullies Use:

Telling your side of things will be pointless.

And telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

Their minds will already be made up, and there will be no changing them.

What you should do if you ever find yourself in this situation.

Many of the tactics bullies use are good. You’ve got to admit. Moreover, they’re damn hard to undo.

If you ever become the target of a smear campaign, it’s best to find a way out of the environment. And don’t look back. Also, you must write these people off forever.

This post is all about the sneaky tactics bullies use so you can recognize them and protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

2.  Bullying Tactics: 9 Subtle Moves Bullies Use to Avoid Detection

3. Deliberate Indifference: 7 Reasons Bystanders Won’t Help Victims 

4. Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or a just an Asshole?

5.  How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

when bullying progresses to mobbing psychology

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

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What happens when bullying progresses to mobbing? What are the signs that it’s headed that way? Read here to find out.

when bullying progresses to mobbing

In this post, you will learn how to tell when bullying progresses to mobbing.

Once you learn all these tell-tale signs, you will be able to get out of the environment before things get too toxic.

This post outlines the signs you’ll notice when bullying progresses to mobbing so you can begin creating an exit plan before the abuse reaches a fever pitch.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing

Mobbing is bullying by large groups. It happens when everyone in a school, workplace, or community collectively harasses a targeted individual.

The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader in a position of power. Mobbing usually happens out of retaliation.

It begins when a bullying victim gets fed up with abuse and finally speaks up about it. There are other names for mobbing, such as Collective Bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect you to stay quiet. Moreover, they demand that you bow down to and submit to it.

And when you finally assert your right to be treated as a human being, they punish you for it.

How do you describe it?

A large group of people (a mob) targets you because you opened your mouth. Over time, they become increasingly aggressive. Moreover, the number of attackers grows until you’re completely isolated.

Understand that this is coordinated. It’s designed to strip you of power. They reinforce a shared negative view of you, regardless of your prior reputation.

As vicious gossip circulates, destructive labels and damaging accusations will follow. And they only further alienate you from everyone else.

The mob will expand to include several teachers or managers and large numbers of students or coworkers. What’s shocking is that even the sweetest, most compassionate people suddenly become mean and nasty.

And they won’t think they’re participants in bullying. Instead, they’ll see themselves as defenders against an evil enemy.

They’ll justify their behavior. Why? Because if they saw themselves as bullying participants, it would go against their sense of decency.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

In groups, people change quickly.

Groups change people. Always! Why? Because they feel they must conform. Mobbing is the most damaging because you quickly lose support.

More people jump on the hate bandwagon until everyone closes ranks, and there’s no one left who will help you. And, once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

Chronic Bullying

Chronic bullying is bullying that has persisted over time. When bullying has gone on for six months or longer, people grow comfortable with the bullying.

Therefore, they will skyrocket the torment and pursue you obsessively and nonstop. Why? Because there’s no accountability. And if there’s no accountability, they have no incentive to stop.

As a result, the bullies become cocky. In fact, they get so brazen that the cruelty only grows.

Also, bystanders’ apathy grows until they lose all empathy. Then, they can only feel blind hatred toward you. It gets so bad that anything they do to you, no matter how dangerous, is acceptable.

Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing. The scary thing is that it progresses more quickly than you realize. Therefore, you must find ways to address it in the early stages.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The bullying seems to take on a life of its own.

As mentioned earlier, the bullies have followers and minions backing them up. They enlist flying monkeys to do their dirty work.

Before long, the bullying becomes so ingrained and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own. Bullies become drunk on their own power. Their hatred seems to be all they can focus on.

Instead of controlling their behavior, the behavior controls them. The bullies are blinded by senseless rage. And they’re so addicted to power that the abuse becomes constant. This is a dangerous combination.

Understand that when bullying progresses to mobbing, bullies don’t see you as a human being. As far as they’re concerned, you don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as they do.

This is why mobbing can be especially dangerous. Once it reaches this level, you run the risk of either dying by suicide or being murdered.

Get out of the environment as soon as you figure out that they’re mobbing you. Transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area. It’s the only way you will find peace.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

The Process Step-By-Step

If you’ve ever been a target of mobbing, you know firsthand how destructive it is. Mobbing is hard to remedy.

The reason is that the tactics are difficult to name or describe. Another reason is that it can leave you so distraught that you’re unable to think clearly.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A mobbing campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks.

You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. Target Selection.

Here’s a scenario of mobbing in the workplace.

The bullies at XYZ company dislike a specific lady who refuses to conform to their standards. In the past, the bullies successfully influenced everyone else. They have gotten them to submit.

Then, along comes Cindy. She’s beautiful and extremely likable. Confident and outgoing, she makes friends easily.

However, she does her own thing. Cindy is fiercely independent, and this threatens the bullies’ power.

She doesn’t realize that by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies. So, she goes on about her business. She plans for her future and achieves good things.

Also, she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

2. Probing.

The bullies watch Cindy closely. They consistently clock her to study her behavior to anticipate her reactions. They figure out her likes and dislikes. Moreover, they find what excites her.

3. Smear Campaign

Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy. They gossip and spread ugly rumors about her.

Through their lies, they train others to expect a specific type of behavior from Cindy. They point out specific behaviors when they occur.

The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil. For example, Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter.

The bullies watch Cindy banter with people at work. She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball,” but others know that it’s all harmless. Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

Therefore, she’s only teasing.

4. The bullies begin making offhand comments.

They remark that her kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass. They say that she wants something from people. Therefore, they plant a little seed of doubt.

Maybe Cindy thinks the people around her really are dummies. She only disguises it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness. And she’s funny.

The bullies also make statements that she thinks she’s cute. They tell others that she thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. Then repeat, repeat, repeat!

To quote a propaganda minister to a well-known dictator in history, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

5. The repeated narrative begins to stick.

The next time others see her being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute. The banter isn’t so funny anymore.

Now, people see a side of her they can’t believe they never noticed before.

Feeling smug with gratification, the bullies look at each other, then at Cindy. They wear smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing over again. The progress is slow, but it’s working.

6. One by One, others buy into the narrative.

 And before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in her to begin with. They start to feel negative toward this poor girl.

7. You begin noticing that something is off.

Cindy begins to pick up on the negative vibes. She withdraws a little.

She doesn’t speak to people as much as she used to. And she doesn’t understand what she did to bring it about.

The bullies notice that Cindy is more distant than usual. Doing what they do best, they use it against her. So, they quickly point this out to everyone.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? She really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s better than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

When Bullying Progresses to Mobbing:

8. they use your reaction as a weapon.

Cindy’s withdrawal only inflames everyone’s feelings of resentment. Although her becoming distant is only out of self-protection, others mistake it for smugness and arrogance.

9. It gets worse until you leave to protect yourself.

The bullying only snowballs from there. It gets worse and worse over time until it morphs into mobbing. Understand that we’re all human, and we make mistakes. Therefore, we misjudge others all the time.

Mobbing can happen anywhere, not only in the workplace, but also in school. It’s even worse for kids because they are still developing. Moreover, kids who are mobbed at school get bullied by teachers. And it is a cycle.

Bullies condition an entire group to see any quality in a particular person as a bad thing. And that’s when a smear campaign is most effective.

Therefore, everyone, even those who aren’t bullies, can quickly turn cruel. And they repeat the same cruelty, over and over again.

When bullying progresses to mobbing, it’s unstoppable. And the only way you can take your life back is to leave the environment.

Bullying always escalates if it’s left unchecked. And when something bad is left unchecked, there’s no incentive to hide it, much less stop it.

The post gave you the details of what happens when bullying progresses to mobbing so that you will recognize the warning signs and get out before it affects your mental health.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

2. Bullying or Mobbing?

3. Mobbing in Schools: 9 Warning Signs Bullying is Out of Control

4. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

5. Examples of a Teacher Bullying a Student: School Mobbing

how to handle bullying in high school

How to Handle Bullying: 7 Powerful Ways to Counter a Bully

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‘Want to know how to handle bullying? Here are all the powerful defense techniques you need to know about.

how to handle bullying

Despite all the information available, many victims of bullying don’t know how to deal with it. And they continue to have their lives ruined by people who take pleasure from their pain.

Therefore, in this post, you will get powerful tips on how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it and emerge a winner.

Once you learn all these crucial moves, you will be able to face bullying with strength and, eventually, overcome it and move on to a happier and more peaceful life.

This post is all about how to handle bullying so that you can overcome and begin building a good life for yourself.

How to Handle Bullying

Many victims do not know how to deal with bullies. And one thing that gets them in trouble is becoming emotional. This is not good because it gives the bullies exactly what they want. Here are better ways to handle bullying.

1. Respond but don’t react.

Overreacting. Any overreaction to the taunts, insults, and attacks from bullies only brings more problems. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson through time-consuming trial and error.

It only gave my bullies what they wanted. Also, it could’ve gotten me either maimed or killed. But you don’t have to.

Overreacting can have a boomerang effect. If you get overly emotional, your bullies will only bully you more. Moreover, they could use your overreaction against you. Here’s how.

Bullies use your overreaction to play the victim role.

When you overreact, it can make you look like the aggressor. Therefore, your bullies may provoke you just to bait you into reacting. So why not use a different strategy?

2. Respond calmly.

When you respond calmly, you keep your mental shit together. Therefore, you look better to bystanders and witnesses. Moreover, staying calm drives bullies nuts. Your calmness can make them emotional.

Therefore, you’re turning their tactic against them.

How to Handle Bullying:

3. Fake a surrender or submission.

Make it look as if you’re giving in to your bullies’ demands. I realize this may feel a bit cowardly to you. However, you aren’t caving in, you’re only making your bullies think you are.

This works with physical bullies who have anger issues. So, remain calm and make them believe they have the upper hand. Doing so will stabilize their temper.

But wait! There’s another benefit! Your bullies probably expect you to react with aggression. But if you don’t, it will throw them off. When you remain calm and agree with them, it will shock them.

The element of surprise is a powerful weapon.

Use your fake surrender as part of a bigger plan once you fool them into thinking you care. On the inside, you continue to stand your ground. But on the outside, you give in to their desires.

Doing so can give you time to quietly plan a countermeasure that will bring the bullies down. Smarts will always trump aggression every time!

However, understand that this takes a truckload of self-control. And, as mentioned earlier, you may feel like a wimp when you use this technique. Just remember this.

play dead to save your life.

You’re not giving the bullies what they want. You only look like you are. You’re only playing dead to save your life!

And, by faking your submission, you also allow yourself time to study your bullies and carefully plot your next moves.

And when the bullies are satisfied and lay off you, you’ll finally have room to make your countermove.

So, go ahead—fake your submission. Get close to your bullies and learn their ways. Give them no reason to react, nothing to prepare for, and no cause for resistance. Then, when the time is right, BAM!

They won’t know what hit them.

Any time you make it look as if you submit to your bullies, you’re only mocking them. It’s silent disdain – like expelling a silent fart in their direction. Only they don’t know they’ve been farted on.

You turn their own power against them, making them look like idiots. But they can’t retaliate because you did what they told you to do. Right?

How to Handle Bullying:

4. Don’t fall into the explaining trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet bullies are good at getting you to explain yourself for things you don’t have to.

Worst of all, most victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needless explanations. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Don’t be that victim. You don’t owe them a damn thing. Refuse to explain.

5. Calmly call them out.

In other words, if they try to manipulate you, call out their behavior. But do it calmly.

And, if your bullies ask you, “What did we do?” you don’t have to offer any long explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.”

Then, walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curveball. Say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Or, you can insult them by saying, “What are you? Five?” This is a great comeback. You’re not only refusing to allow those creeps to manipulate you. You’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

How to Handle Bullying:

6. choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

Silence usually screams the loudest. Therefore, if you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

7. Look the bully in the eye.

A hard glare works wonders, especially in the early stages of bullying.

Again, look the bully in the eye. If that’s too difficult, then look the bully between the eyes. I found that when I looked my bully between the eyes, I was less intimidated.

So try this, and I bet you won’t be as intimidated either.

Moreover, make sure you have a stone face or mirror the look on the bully’s face. By doing this, you’ll look less like a victim.

Do this, and others will take you more seriously. And bullies may think twice about messing with you again.

How to Handle Bullying:

8. Use Confident Body Language.

Avoid submissive body language, such as slouching or hunching. Instead, stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Also, refrain from self-protective behaviors, such as crossing your arms or looking down. Use open body language and make good eye contact with people. Smile.

9. Mirror the bully’s body language.

Most seasoned bullies like to intimidate you with death glares. And, sadly, many victims don’t know how to respond to nonverbal bullying.

Therefore, the best response is always to mirror the bully’s expressions back at them. In other words, if someone gives you a death glare, give one back.

An eye for an eye.

10. Fight if you must.

If the bully gets in your face or hits you, the gloves are off! This is when it’s time to haul off and punch the bully in the face as hard as you can.

If possible, hit the jerk so hard that you put them on the floor, but don’t stop there.  This is your chance to give the bully a well-deserved ass-whipping! Beat them so bad that they won’t want to come near you a second time!

How to Handle Bullying:

11. Have a few comebacks handy. 

Verbal bullies love to run their mouths. And the last thing you should do is stay silent when someone is verbally insulting you. You must stand up to them.

Therefore, you must be ready to fire off a good one-liner. For instance, if a bully tells you that your clothes look like they came from the Salvation Army, you can say, “Oh, you shop there too?”

If the bully tells you, “Nobody likes you,” you can respond with, “Who’s nobody? You?” Or you say, “You’re nobody. So, you’re right.”

There are all kinds of witty comebacks you can use. The trick is to know what they are. But here’s the thing. When you use these comebacks, you must do it calmly. Add a smile, and it’s even better.

Calm and cool is the rule. You can find more good comebacks here.

This post was all about knowing how to handle bullying so that you can overcome it instead of continuing to live with it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Silent Treatment: Why Bullies Give It and What You Should Do

2. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down  

3. How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

4. Standing Up to Bullies: 7 Ways Bullies React When You Stop Taking Their Crap

5. Comebacks for Bullies: 12 Phrases that Shut Them Up 

stop explaining yourself to bullies

Stop Explaining Yourself: 9 Reasons Not to Explain to Bullies

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Want to know why you should stop explaining yourself to bullies? Here are all the reasons you need to stop doing it right now.

stop explaining yourself

Explaining yourself all the time subtracts from your value. You don’t need others’ understanding. It’s that some don’t understand, it’s that they don’t want to understand. And if someone doesn’t want to understand, no amount of explaining will ever be enough.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn to stop explaining yourself to bullies so you can reclaim your self-respect and your life.

Once you learn all the reasons why you should never reduce yourself like that, it will compel you to only provide brief answers rather than long, drawn-out ones.

This post gives you all the reasons to stop explaining yourself now and not later. That way, you’ll only provide short answers in fewer words and take back your dignity.

Stop Explaining Yourself

Explaining yourself only makes you look too submissive. Bullies notice this from a mile away and don’t think they won’t exploit it. Here are all the reasons to reserve the explanations for those who are worthy of them.

1. It’s a trap.

Abusers will often try to trick you into giving them needless explanations. This is a trap because, no matter how much you explain things to them, they will only pretend not to get it.

And why not? These people want to hurt you. They have no goodwill toward you. Therefore, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

You must recognize that those who are toxic do this intentionally. One reason they challenge your explanations is to prompt you to provide more. Why? To throw you off-balance and keep you interacting with them.

Another reason they do this is to gather information they can use against you later.

Again, bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one. They only pretend to want it.

Therefore, it’s a trap. And you only waste your time and energy trying.

2. Stop Explaining Yourself:

You don’t owe them anything.

Ask yourself this question. Who the hell are they that you need to explain anything to? Realize that you owe nothing to anyone who abuses you.

They have no bearing on your life. They don’t pay your bills, they don’t sign your paychecks, and they aren’t your spouse or parents. Therefore, they have no say over any part of your life.

So, the next time they demand an explanation, tell them to get stuffed and walk away. They aren’t worth your time.

3. Bullies don’t care what your reasons are.

Again, when you try to explain yourself, bullies will only pretend not to get it. Moreover, they’ll twist your logical explanation and make it look like you’re just making excuses.

For example, when you stand up for yourself, they will accuse you of being rude and disrespectful. However, realize that they will only do this to gaslight you and make you feel guilty for defending yourself.

Don’t fall for it. Simply call out their gaslighting and tell them to step off. Or,  you could just put your hand up and walk away.

Nevertheless, stop trying so hard to convince them. And this includes those who claim to be your friends. Let everyone else believe what they want, then let that help you decide who you should cut out of your life for good.

4. Stop Explaining Yourself:

Your bullies are already sure you’re innocent of their accusations.

What if they are accusing you of something?

Anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you know nothing about, they’re doing it to make a big show. Have you noticed that toxic people usually loudly accuse you of something in front of an audience?

Again, these creeps already figure that you’re innocent. Moreover, they are fully aware that you had nothing to do with the transgression they accuse you of.

They’re only doing this to get you to react.

5. They do it for power.

Keeping you explaining is one way they get their power. And why would they stop? You’ve probably been giving them that rush of power all along. And your bullies are addicted to it.

Bullies get their kicks by watching you stutter and stammer, trying to come up with a convincing explanation. Therefore, stop giving them free entertainment.

Remember that power rushes always wear off quickly. Therefore, they will only crave another rush soon and come back for more. Power is something bullies can’t get enough of.

6. Stop Explaining Yourself:

It’s a waste of your precious energy.

Explaining yourself to those who abuse you is exhausting. Moreover, it’s a waste of time because people will believe what they want. Not everyone needs to hear your side of the story. Therefore, be okay with that.

Besides, even if you produce evidence to prove your point, you will have to work to gather that evidence.

Therefore, do you really want to work that hard all your life? Isn’t it time that you said, “f*ck ’em” and walked away?

Realize that some people aren’t good for you. They’re exhausting to be around and suck the energy right out of you. Give these creeps the middle finger and walk away.

I promise you’ll be glad you did.

7. Stop Explaining Yourself:

You don’t have to prove a damn thing to anyone, especially those who mistreat you.

If nothing else, know this. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Why should you care what they think? Let them think whatever they want.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • “Who are these morons?
  • “Who are they that I should have to explain anything?”
  • “Are they even up to my level?”
  • “Do they bring anything positive and worthwhile to my life?”

Once you ask these questions, the answer will be crystal clear. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these creeps a damn thing!

Bullies can be intimidating and threatening, I grant you that. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

In other words, it’s difficult not to begin rattling off in nervousness when you just want them to go away and leave you alone. However, trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

Additionally, all the explaining in the world won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

Some people just aren’t worthy of your explanations. They aren’t worth the effort. So, stop. Just stop already!

8. Stop Explaining Yourself:

You make yourself look pathetic.

When you constantly explain yourself, you make yourself look like a simp. You appear as if you’re crawling up behind people who couldn’t care less.

Moreover, others will notice, and they won’t respect you. It’s funny how contagious bullying and abuse can be. When others see bullies run over you, soon, they will start doing it too.

Therefore, it’s crucial that you start explaining yourself to others. It won’t be easy. However, it will be worth it!

9. It puts you in a position of weakness and inferiority.

Many victims of bullying over-explain because they have an inferiority complex. And why not? Once you’ve suffered years of relentless bullying, it has ways of conditioning you to think that you are less than.

In a world full of human predators, the last thing you want is to appear weak. If you do, bullies will eat you alive.

When you explain, you signal inferiority. You also convey weakness. In other words, you place yourself in a position of lesser power. And you give someone else something that they have no right to – authority over you!

Therefore, you make yourself an even bigger target to those who use and abuse. Therefore, reserve your explanation for those who are truly worthy of it.

Stop Explaining Yourself:

You must stop caring what other people think.

Stop concerning yourself with others’ opinions. Explaining doesn’t work with bullies. And you don’t have to. Its the first step in getting on the explaining hamster wheel.

Moreover, you reclaim your freedom and autonomy. When you don’t feel the need to explain anything to anyone, it’s freedom unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.

You can freely be yourself, make your own decisions, and live life on your terms. Therefore, you experience freedom as you’ve never known.

Get off the hamster wheel. Doing this may seem awkward at first, and you may feel like a heel. Moreover, bullies and others may notice the change and try to make you feel guilty for it.

However, the reason they push back is that they have benefited from your explanations. And they don’t want those benefits to stop.

Therefore, you must expect this and double down. Eventually, they’ll give up.

This post provided all the reasons you should stop explaining yourself so that you can speak from a position of strength and take back your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

2.  What Doesn’t Work with Bullies: 10 Reactions to Stop Right Now

3. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

4. How to Stop Over-Explaining: 9 Powerful Mind-Hacks You Can Use

5. People with Negative Energy: How to Protect Yourself from Them