Do you want to know how to go about putting yourself first so that you can live a freer and more peaceful and purposeful life?
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Putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s a necessity, especially if you’re a victim or target of bullying.
Sadly, many people have been conditioned from childhood to believe that putting themselves first is self-centered. Therefore, they end up tolerating being used and abused.
In this post, you will learn the importance of putting yourself first. Also, you will learn the best, most time-tested self-care practices and how to practice them free of shame.
After learning these things, you will be more likely to prioritize your own needs. Best of all, you won’t feel any guilt or shame when it’s time to take care of yourself.
This post is all about the importance of putting yourself first to help you give yourself the same love you give others, and do it guilt-free.
Putting Yourself First
Before we get into the practices, let’s make this absolutely clear.
Putting others first isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you care about your fellow man. And you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. Therefore, it’s an outstanding character trait to have.
However, many people have been conditioned, often by well-meaning parents. They’ve been told that the polite thing to do is to put others ahead of themselves. That making sacrifices for others shows manners and that they are “good people.”
However, when you overdo that courtesy, you do it at your own expense. That’s when it becomes a bad thing. The problem is that people will come to expect you to be a yes-person and take their crap.
Then, sooner or later, you’ll begin attracting users and abusers and become a doormat.
You find that giving too much sometimes means overlooking abuse. Even worse, you found that it didn’t make the mistreatment go away. It only encouraged others to abuse you later.
Putting Yourself First:
Growing up, you hear every excuse imaginable:
- “Oh, they’re just having a bad day.”
- “Maybe they have an abusive or cheating spouse at home.”
- “Oh, but you never know what that person is going through.” Blah-blah-b-blah.
A few adults in your family and a few teachers, more than likely, advised you to,
- “Give them a break.”
- “Cut so-and-so some slack.”
- “Try to overlook him.”
- “Oh, but try to put yourself in her shoes.”
- “Be reasonable.”
I know how you must have felt. It got old quickly. And you eventually grew fed up and wanted to scream,
“Um- EXCUSE ME! I’ve been ‘reasonable,’ and the only thing I ever got from it is being taken advantage of! Would you be reasonable if this happened to you?!”
Therefore, no matter what anyone tells you, it’s okay to put yourself first. And no law says you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior- from anyone! Ever!
When people mistreat you, someone tells you to “be nice.” Maybe they ask you to “understand what Joe Blow is going through,”
But see this for what it is. It only means that the person doesn’t care about your boundaries.
Or, it could be that they’re afraid of making the offending person angrier. And they don’t want the situation to escalate.
Some people can’t handle conflict. They are only trying to silence you to appease the person who’s being a total jackass.
Putting Yourself First:
These kinds of advice and expectations can do one of two things to you as you get older:
- It can program you to be over-tolerant of unacceptable and abusive behaviors. And it can set you up for a life of being bullied by others.
You grow up being so afraid of pissing someone off that you accept abuse to avoid conflict. You end up living a life of being crapped on by others.
- It can have the exact opposite effect. You end up with an “F-you” attitude and a bad case of the “Don’t-Give-A-Shit” syndrome.
Put another way, you get bitter because others have forced you to accept abuse in the past. Then, you become a mean and apathetic adult who couldn’t care less about anyone.
That’s not good either.
Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones, like me. It gives you an equal blend of both. You believe in treating others how you’d want them to treat you. And you don’t mind lending a helping hand to someone who needs it.
But if for one moment, you suspect that someone is taking your kindness for being a fool, you’ll drop that person like a bad habit.
Here’s the point. It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to put others before you, but only in particular circumstances.
Putting Yourself First:
Here Are a Few examples.
- It’s perfectly fine to give an older adult your chair in a crowded doctor’s office.
- It’s okay to get up and offer your seat to a combat soldier in a crowded airport.
In fact, it’s called having respect for elders and servicemen and women who fight for your country.
But never take abuse nor accept excuses for unacceptable behavior. Anytime someone crosses a line with you, go ahead. Respond in kind. Give it back to them because only then will the person realize that you aren’t a doormat and find someone else to abuse.
Realize that you are not selfish or being self-centered. It’s called self-preservation. And now, for the habits you must adopt to put yourself first.
7 Powerful Habits to Practice
1. Set Boundaries and Say No when you must.
You must have boundaries, or you won’t have any respect.
Saying no to others automatically establishes boundaries. It also means saying yes to yourself.
By saying no, you give yourself the gift of autonomy. Many people, especially bullies, will demand that you go along with something that isn’t good for you.
Therefore, saying no and putting up boundaries can be essential for your well-being. Never say yes to anything that puts you in danger or makes you uncomfortable.
Trust your feelings, be true to yourself, and say “no,” no matter what the cost. This is putting yourself first.
Putting Yourself First:
2. Make Time for Yourself.
In other words, make time to rest, relax, be alone, and chill. Also, make time to pursue your own interests.
Work on your goals and put in the work to make your dreams come true. Dedicate 2-3 hours of your day to you-time. And know that you are worth it and you deserve it.
3. Ask for Help.
Admit it. Sometimes you need a little help. We all do.
Realize that you’re human and you can’t conquer the world, especially not by yourself. Therefore, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
Suppose you need your husband to help you clean the kitchen because you’re not feeling well. Ask him. Or, if you need help with your algebra homework, it’s perfectly okay to ask your older brother to help you.
Besides, all they can do is say no. They aren’t going to shoot you for it. So, learn to take risks. That means asking for help when you need it.
4. PERMIT YOURSELF to make mistakes.
Making mistakes is a part of being human. However, it is also how we learn. So, try new things and don’t be afraid of not doing it right the first time.
You learn more from mistakes than you do anything else.
Putting Yourself First:
5. Do what you know is right for you.
In other words, make your own decisions. You will have people, especially bullies and haters, who try to butt in and tell you what they think you should do. Don’t listen to their squawking.
Only you can do what’s best for you. Only you know what decisions to make in your life. Do what you feel is best for you.
You may or may not make the right decisions. However, if you make the wrong choices, learn from them. Only you can live your life. No one else can do it for you.
6. Never Concern yourself with OTHERS’ opinions.
Realize that most opinions don’t matter. When you worry about what other people think, you become a slave to them. In other words, they own your butt!
Everyone has an opinion. The only opinions you should be concerned with are those of God, yourself, and the people who love you the most.
This is another lesson in putting yourself first. When you put your opinions and those of people who love you first, you automatically put yourself first.
7. Make time to Do the things you love to do the most.
If that’s travel, then make time for it. If you love playing music, make time for that. When you’re engaged in your hobbies and favorite things, you add meaning and happiness to your life.
There may be those who ridicule you over your hobbies. But realize that people who make fun of your favorite things to do have no hobbies of their own.
Therefore, continue to do the things that fulfill you. It makes life so much more enjoyable and meaningful.
This post was all about putting yourself first so that you can live your life freely and with purpose and meaning.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps
2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground
3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use